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Films I don't particularly care for are films with overuse of jump scares without a good story, slashers and far-leftist propaganda films. I do like Indie and foreign films.
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The Day of the Jackal (2024)
The Day of the Jackal
NBC's new Peacock series, "The Day of the Jackal," bursts onto the screen with all the high-stakes tension and stylish intrigue of a classic Bond film or a "Mission: Impossible" adventure. Right from the opening credits, the show oozes cinematic quality, drawing you into a world of espionage and suspense.
This modern reimagining of the classic Frederick Forsyth thriller (and subsequent film) wastes no time in establishing its premise: a mysterious and highly skilled assassin known only as "The Jackal" is hired to eliminate a high-profile target. The cat-and-mouse chase that ensues is gripping, with the Jackal always seeming to be one step ahead.
One of the show's greatest strengths lies in its casting. Edward Holcroft is chillingly effective as the Jackal, conveying both a steely determination and an unsettling ambiguity. Meanwhile, [Lashana Lynch brings a fierce intensity to her role as the determined agent on the Jackal's trail. The chemistry between the actors is palpable, adding another layer of depth to the already compelling narrative.
While the season is still unfolding, "The Day of the Jackal" has all the ingredients for a thrilling success. The plot is intricate, the action sequences are expertly choreographed, and the performances are top-notch. My only hope is that the writers can maintain this momentum and deliver a satisfying conclusion to this high-stakes game of cat and mouse. If they stick the landing, "The Day of the Jackal" could become a new flagship series for Peacock.
Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)
cinematic abomination
The morning after watching "Joker: Folie à Deux" on streaming, I'm still reeling, not from the brilliance of the film, but from the sheer audacity of its existence. It felt like a cinematic gut punch, not in the way a profound film leaves you breathless, but in the way you'd feel after being sucker-punched in a dark alley.
The film's biggest sin is its utter disregard for the source material. It takes the iconic characters of Joker and Harley Quinn and twists them into something unrecognizable. This isn't a "Joker" movie; it's a grotesque parody of one.
I'm angry that I wasted my time on this film. I'm angry that it tarnishes the legacy of the original "Joker." And I'm angry that it's probably going to go down as the worst sequel to an Academy Award-winning predecessor that has ever existed.
This isn't a true sequel; it's a cinematic abomination. Avoid it at all costs.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Alien: Romulus (2024) - A Thrilling Return to Form for the Franchise
A deep dive into the latest chapter of sci-fi horror that reignites the terror and wonder of the original Alien.
A Love Letter to Classic Sci-Fi Horror
Alien: Romulus is not just another entry in the long-running Alien franchise; it's a love letter to the classic sci-fi horror that made the original film so iconic. Director Fede Álvarez has masterfully captured the essence of Ridley Scott's 1979 masterpiece while injecting his own unique vision and style. The result is a film that is both nostalgic and fresh, a thrilling return to form for a franchise that has had its share of ups and downs.
A Masterclass in Suspense and Atmosphere
From the opening scene, Álvarez establishes a palpable sense of dread and suspense that permeates the entire film.
The derelict space station setting is claustrophobic and eerie, a labyrinth of dark corridors and abandoned rooms that hide unseen dangers. The cinematography is stunning, with long takes and slow pans that build tension and anticipation. The sound design is equally impressive, with every creak and groan of the station adding to the unsettling atmosphere.
A Relatable and Engaging Cast of Characters
The film's cast is another highlight, with a group of relatable and engaging characters that you can't help but root for. The protagonist, a young woman named Calla (Isabela Merced), is a resourceful and determined survivor who quickly emerges as a strong female lead. The supporting cast is equally well-developed, with each character having their own distinct personality and motivations.
The Xenomorph: A Terrifying Force of Nature
Of course, no Alien film would be complete without the iconic Xenomorph, and Romulus delivers on this front in spades. The creature is as terrifying as ever, a nightmarish blend of organic and mechanical that is both beautiful and horrifying. The practical effects used to bring the Xenomorph to life are superb, and the creature's movements and attacks are visceral and impactful.
A Thought-Provoking Exploration of Humanity and Artificial Intelligence
Beyond the scares and thrills, Alien: Romulus also delves into some thought-provoking themes, including the nature of humanity and the rise of artificial intelligence. The film explores the complex relationship between humans and their creations, raising questions about the ethics of AI and the potential dangers of unchecked technological advancement.
A Must-See for Fans of Sci-Fi Horror
Overall, Alien: Romulus is a must-see for fans of sci-fi horror. It's a thrilling and suspenseful film that pays homage to the classic Alien while also forging its own path. With its strong characters, stunning visuals, and terrifying creature, Romulus is a worthy addition to the franchise and a reminder of why we love to be scared.
What Makes Alien: Romulus Stand Out
* A Return to the Roots of the Franchise: Romulus successfully recaptures the essence of the original Alien, focusing on suspense, atmosphere, and a single, terrifying creature. It avoids the action-heavy approach of some of the sequels, delivering a more intimate and claustrophobic horror experience.
* Stunning Visuals and Practical Effects: The film is visually impressive, with stunning cinematography and impressive practical effects. The Xenomorph is brought to life in all its terrifying glory, and the film's action sequences are both thrilling and visceral.
* Thought-Provoking Themes: Romulus explores complex themes about humanity, artificial intelligence, and the dangers of technology. It raises questions about what it means to be human and the ethical implications of our creations.
* A Satisfying and Thrilling Conclusion: The film's climax is both satisfying and thrilling, with a final showdown that is both suspenseful and action-packed. The ending leaves the door open for future installments, but it also provides a sense of closure to this particular story.
Final Verdict
Alien: Romulus is a triumph for the Alien franchise. It's a suspenseful, terrifying, and thought-provoking film that will leave you on the edge of your seat. With its strong characters, stunning visuals, and terrifying creature, Romulus is a must-see for fans of sci-fi horror. It's a reminder that even after all these years, the Xenomorph remains one of the most terrifying creatures ever put on film.
Salem's Lot (2024)
Disappointing Adaptation: A Review of Salem's Lot (2024)
I streamed up the movie adaptation of Stephen King's classic novel, Salem's Lot, with high expectations, but unfortunately, the film failed to deliver. Despite some well-timed jump scares that had me on the edge of my seat, the overall experience was underwhelming.
One of the major letdowns was the casting. With the exception of the talented Alfre Woodard and Bill Camp, the rest of the cast fell flat. Both Woodard and Camp brought depth and nuance to their respective roles, but their performances were not enough to save the film from its overall lackluster casting.
The chemistry between the leads was nonexistent, making it difficult to become invested in their stories. The acting felt forced, and the characters lacked the complexity and richness that King's novel is known for.
As a fan of the original novel, I was disappointed by the film's inability to capture the essence of King's writing. The pacing was slow, and the tension, although present in some scenes, was not sustained throughout the movie.
With a TV series adaptation on the horizon, I can only hope that it will do justice to King's classic tale. Perhaps with more time to develop the characters and storylines, the series will be able to succeed where the film failed.
Rating: 5/10 stars
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UPDATE:
It seems I have gotten wrong information about a new tv series. Unfortunately, there is no NEW tv series based on Salem's Lot. So this crappy film is all we get for 2024.
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Recommendation: If you're a die-hard Stephen King fan, you might want to wait for the TV series instead. However, if you're a fan of jump scares and don't mind a lackluster cast, you might find some enjoyment in this adaptation. Just don't go in with high expectations.
Apartment 7A (2024)
Disappointing Experience: "Apartment 7A" Falls Flat
I walked into "Apartment 7A" with high hopes, excited to see Julia Garner and Dianne Wiest bring this psychological horror story to life. Unfortunately, the film failed to deliver on its promise, leaving me underwhelmed and disappointed.
Firstly, the pacing was sluggish, with long stretches of dull, uneventful scenes that did little to build tension or advance the plot. The dance performances, which I was expecting to be a highlight, were instead awkward and uninspired. It felt like the filmmakers were trying to shoehorn in some sort of eerie, atmospheric vibe, but it came across as forced and unnatural.
But my biggest gripe is that "Apartment 7A" doesn't feel like a genuine psychological horror film. Instead, it relies on cheap jump scares and shallow attempts to mimic the original "Rosemary's Baby" film. The result is a movie that feels more like a lazy homage than a thoughtful, well-crafted thriller.
And then there's the depiction of the devil. I mean, come on - who thought it was a good idea to bedazzle the Prince of Darkness and turn him into some sort of Liberace-esque vision of evil? It's laughable, and I can only imagine the devil himself would be mortified by this sparkly, glam-rock interpretation.
I was really hoping "Apartment 7A" would be a worthy successor to the original "Rosemary's Baby" film, but sadly, it falls far short. Despite the talents of Julia Garner and Dianne Wiest, the movie's lackluster pacing, uninspired dance performances, and shallow scares make it a disappointing watch.
Rating: 5/10 stars
Recommendation: If you're a fan of psychological horror, I'd recommend skipping "Apartment 7A" and revisiting the original "Rosemary's Baby" film instead. It's a masterclass in building tension and exploring themes of paranoia and dread - everything "Apartment 7A" tries to do, but fails to achieve.
The Penguin (2024)
Got off to a good start
HBO's 'The Penguin' is a gritty, violent, and thoroughly entertaining dive into Gotham's underbelly. Colin Farrell's performance as the Penguin is mesmerizing; he's not just reprising a role, he's inhabiting it, bringing a depth and nuance to the character that wasn't fully explored in 'The Batman.' The show doesn't shy away from the brutality of his world, and the violence, while graphic, serves to underscore the stakes and the desperation of the characters.
The series picks up where 'The Batman' left off, with Oswald Cobblepot seizing an opportunity in the power vacuum left by Falcone's demise. The plot is a slow burn, meticulously building tension and revealing the intricate web of alliances and betrayals in Gotham's criminal underworld. The pacing may be deliberate, but it allows for rich character development and a sense of impending doom that keeps you on the edge of your seat.
The supporting cast is stellar, with Cristin Milioti delivering a standout performance as Sofia Falcone. Her chemistry with Farrell is electric, and their scenes together crackle with tension and a twisted sort of affection. The show also delves into the Penguin's backstory, giving us glimpses of his traumatic past and the events that shaped him into the ruthless gangster he is today. These flashbacks add another layer to the character, making him more sympathetic without excusing his actions.
The cinematography is dark and atmospheric, perfectly capturing the grime and grit of Gotham City. The action sequences are well-choreographed and brutal, and the show's score is haunting and evocative. 'The Penguin' isn't afraid to get its hands dirty, and it's all the better for it. This isn't a sanitized superhero show; it's a raw and unflinching look at the dark side of Gotham, and it's a must-watch for fans of the Batman mythos and crime dramas alike.
The Deliverance (2024)
Better than expected
A Gripping and Emotionally Charged Film: A Review of The Deliverance
Directed by the acclaimed Lee Daniels, The Deliverance is a powerful and thought-provoking film that delves into the complexities of the human experience. This cinematic masterpiece weaves a intricate narrative that explores themes of trauma, redemption, and the unbreakable bonds of family.
A Stellar Cast Brings the Story to Life
The film boasts an impressive ensemble cast, with standout performances that breathe depth and nuance into the characters. Each actor brings their A-game, delivering emotionally charged portrayals that will leave you invested in their journeys.
Daniels' Direction: A Masterclass in Storytelling
Lee Daniels' direction is masterful, as he expertly navigates the film's multiple storylines and timelines. With a keen eye for detail and a deep understanding of the human condition, Daniels crafts a cinematic experience that is both deeply unsettling and profoundly moving.
A Visually Stunning and Haunting Score
The film's cinematography is stunning, with a blend of stark realism and poetic imagery that perfectly captures the mood and atmosphere of each scene. The score is equally impressive, adding depth and tension to the narrative with its haunting melodies and discordant notes.
A Must-See for Fans of Thought-Provoking Cinema
The Deliverance is not an easy watch, but it is a necessary one. This film will challenge you, disturb you, and ultimately leave you changed. With its outstanding performances, exceptional direction, and unflinching examination of the human experience, The Deliverance is a must-see for fans of thought-provoking cinema.
Rating: 8/10 stars
Recommendation: If you enjoy complex, emotionally charged films that explore the human condition, The Deliverance is a must-see. However, be prepared for a challenging and often disturbing viewing experience.
Dead Whisper (2024)
"Dead Whisper" - A Haunting Indie Horror with Art House Aesthetics
"Dead Whisper," co-written by Conor Soucy and Colin Charles Dale, takes audiences on a chilling journey into grief and temptation. Set against the eerie backdrop of a secluded island, the film follows Elliot Campbell (played by Samuel Dunning), a Cape Cod lawyer haunted by the loss of his daughter.
The Good: New England Cinematography and Art House Vibes
Cinematography: Ben Grant's lens captures the haunting beauty of the island. Mist-covered shores and abandoned buildings create an atmosphere of dread, making the setting a character in its own right.
Art House Aesthetics: The film's deliberate pacing and visual choices evoke an art house sensibility. Fans of indie cinema will appreciate its unique style.
The Not-So-Good: Pacing, Story, and Mixed Acting
Pacing: The film's uneven pacing, especially in the first half, detracts from the tension it aims to build. Some scenes feel drawn out, while others rush through crucial moments.
Story: While the premise-a grieving father's desperate wish to reunite with his lost child-is compelling, execution occasionally falters. Predictable plot points and genre tropes hinder the impact.
Acting: Samuel Dunning's portrayal of Elliot Campbell is the emotional core, capturing vulnerability and determination. However, supporting characters like Elise and Jackson lack depth.
In summary, "Dead Whisper" succeeds in creating a haunting and atmospheric experience, but its execution leaves room for improvement. If you appreciate indie horror and can overlook pacing issues, it's worth a watch.
Tarot (2024)
Zero creativity
Tarot (2024), the latest attempt to cash in on the horror genre, falls tragically short of delivering anything remotely original or frightening. Instead, it serves as a blatant rip-off of the Final Destination franchise, complete with a group of diverse characters facing their demise based on a predetermined fate. While the concept of death by tarot card readings might sound intriguing, the execution is utterly uninspired, leaving viewers with a predictable and formulaic plot that fails to deliver any genuine scares.
From the outset, Tarot establishes itself as a film more concerned with checking off diversity boxes than crafting compelling characters. The ensemble cast is a hodgepodge of stereotypes, each representing a different race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and gender identity. While representation is important, it should never come at the expense of character development and depth. In Tarot, the characters feel like mere tokens, their personalities reduced to superficial traits that align with the film's forced agenda.
As the characters meet their gruesome ends, one by one, the predictability of the plot becomes increasingly apparent. There's no sense of suspense or surprise, as each death is telegraphed well in advance, leaving little room for genuine tension or fear. The film's reliance on jump scares and gore further detracts from any potential atmosphere, resulting in a series of cheap thrills that quickly lose their impact.
The tarot card readings themselves, which should be the centerpiece of the film, are underwhelming and lack any real significance. They serve as mere plot devices, dictating the characters' fates without offering any insightful commentary or deeper meaning. The lack of exploration into the symbolism and mythology of tarot cards is a missed opportunity, leaving the film feeling shallow and devoid of substance.
Visually, Tarot is equally uninspired. The cinematography is bland and unoriginal, relying on tired horror tropes such as dimly lit rooms, shadowy figures, and quick cuts. The special effects are mediocre at best, failing to create any sense of awe or terror. The film's overall aesthetic is dull and unmemorable, leaving little lasting impression on the viewer.
Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of Tarot is its wasted potential. The concept of death by tarot card readings could have been a fascinating exploration of fate, destiny, and the power of prophecy. However, the film squanders this opportunity, opting instead for a simplistic and derivative plot that offers nothing new to the genre.
In conclusion, Tarot (2024) is a disappointing addition to the horror genre. Its lack of originality, forced diversity, predictable plot, and uninspired visuals make it a forgettable experience. If you're looking for a genuinely scary and creative horror film, look elsewhere. Tarot is nothing more than a Final Destination knockoff that sacrifices substance for shallow representation, leaving viewers with a hollow and unfulfilling experience.
Boy Kills World (2023)
Boy Kills World: A Bloody Good Time (With Jokes)
Strap yourselves in, genre enthusiasts, because "Boy Kills World" isn't just an action movie; it's a genre-bending, blood-splattered, laugh-out-loud rollercoaster. Imagine the dystopian world-building of "The Hunger Games" colliding with the hyper-violence of "Kill Bill," the gun-fu mastery of "John Wick," and the addictive leveling system of a video game, all sprinkled with the sardonic wit of an adult animation. Buckle up, because "Boy Kills World" is one wild ride that never lets you get off.
The film throws us into a future reminiscent of Panem, where a society obsessed with violence thrives on a constant stream of gladiatorial combat. Enter Boy (Bill Skarsgård), a mute assassin honed to a razor's edge by his adoptive father, the enigmatic Drill (Udo Kier). Driven by a singular purpose - to avenge his father's death - Boy embarks on a bloody quest through a world saturated with neon lights, outlandish costumes, and enough weaponry to arm a small army.
The action sequences are the film's crown jewels. Think "Kill Bill's" balletic brutality cranked up to eleven. Skarsgård, a revelation in the role, utilizes his physical prowess to deliver fight choreography that's both brutal and balletic. He dispatches foes with a dazzling array of blades, guns, and even a strategically placed cheese grater (yes, you read that right). The sound design is particularly impressive, with every whack, slice, and gunshot adding a layer of visceral impact to the action.
But here's the twist: amidst the geysers of blood and severed limbs, "Boy Kills World" injects a surprising dose of humor. The film's secret weapon is the deadpan voiceover narration by none other than H. Jon Benjamin (of Archer fame). His sardonic delivery of Boy's inner monologue, filled with pop-culture references and witty observations, perfectly complements the film's outlandishness. One minute you're wincing at a particularly gruesome kill, the next you're snorting with laughter at Boy's internal monologue about the merits of a good bowl of Frosty Puffs cereal (a clear dig at the dystopian Panem's reliance on manufactured sustenance).
The narrative borrows generously from the video game playbook. Boy's journey feels like a series of increasingly difficult levels, each requiring him to utilize new skills and weapons to overcome increasingly formidable opponents. There's a sense of progression and accomplishment as Boy hones his craft, adding to the film's addictive quality.
However, "Boy Kills World" isn't all blood and laughs. Beneath the surface lies a surprisingly touching father-son dynamic between Boy and Drill. Their bond, forged in violence, hints at a genuine love and respect. There's also a sly social commentary woven into the film's outlandish world. The constant barrage of media manipulation and the hero worship of violence paints a dark picture of a society obsessed with spectacle at any cost.
The film isn't without flaws. The plot, while serviceable, is fairly straightforward. Some of the supporting characters, like the villainous Derricks (played with scenery-chewing gusto by Sam Rockwell and Marianne Jean-Baptiste), are delightfully over-the-top but lack depth. The overreliance on voiceover narration can occasionally feel expositional.
However, these minor quibbles fade away in the face of the film's sheer entertainment value. "Boy Kills World" is a glorious assault on the senses, a love letter to action cinema, and a surprisingly funny commentary on our media-saturated world. Skarsgård shines in a demanding role, the action sequences are a visceral thrill ride, and Benjamin's narration elevates the film with its sardonic wit. If you're looking for a film that's equal parts heart-pounding action and laugh-out-loud funny, "Boy Kills World" is your cinematic soulmate. Just remember, bring your popcorn and maybe a strong stomach; this world may be wacky, but it's definitely not for the faint of heart.
Sasquatch Sunset (2024)
Sasquatch Sunset: Bigfoot Laughs Cut Short
Sasquatch Sunset starts off as a laugh riot. For the first hour, the Zellner brothers deliver a surprisingly hilarious portrayal of a Sasquatch family navigating the trials and tribulations of...well, Sasquatch life. From their hilariously primal attempts at courtship to their unrefined digestive habits, the film finds humor in the unexpected, and anyone with a decent sense of humor will find themselves snorting with laughter.
Then, the sun inexplicably sets on the comedy. The light-hearted mood takes a sharp turn in the second half, venturing into surprisingly serious territory. Themes of life, death, and the struggle for survival come crashing in, leaving the audience with a gut punch where there were once guffaws. Here's the problem: the tonal shift feels unearned. Sasquatch Sunset spends so much time establishing itself as an absurdist comedy that the sudden seriousness feels jarring, like two entirely different movies stitched together.
It's a shame. The first hour is pure comedic gold, and the Zellner brothers deserve credit for their audacious premise. But the jarring shift into somber territory leaves the viewer feeling cheated. It's like being promised a cupcake and then getting served a bowl of lukewarm broccoli instead. If you're looking for a laugh-out-loud comedy, you'll have a blast with the first half of Sasquatch Sunset. Just be prepared for the unexpected emotional downpour in the final act.
Imaginary (2024)
Imaginary (2024): A Blumhouse Blunder
As a horror fanatic for 45 years who religiously consumes 2-3 horror films a week, I can confidently say Imaginary (2024) is a contender for the worst horror film of 2023/24. Buckle up, because this Blumhouse offering is a nightmare on multiple levels.
Firstly, the casting choices feel less like inspired picks and more like a checklist of forced inclusion. The actors themselves deliver performances that range from forgettable to downright wooden. It's clear they're struggling with a script that's as flimsy as a Halloween cobweb.
Speaking of the script, it's the real monster here. The premise of a creepy imaginary friend taking a dark turn had potential, but the execution is laughably bad. The film throws logic out the window with nonsensical plot points and relies on tired horror tropes that haven't scared anyone since the 80s.
Here's a tip for spotting overhyped horror films: check the IMDb ratings by date released. A flood of 7-10 ratings in the first month often indicates the production company inflating the score. Then, watch the ratings plummet as real viewers experience the film. Imaginary is a textbook case - a short-lived sugar rush of fake praise followed by the bitter aftertaste of disappointment.
If you're looking for a genuinely scary movie, avoid Imaginary like a haunted house with a "Beware of Dog" sign. This is a Blumhouse misstep that will leave you feeling cheated and, more importantly, bored.
Stopmotion (2023)
insanely psychological and dark
Stopmotion (2024) isn't your average animated flick. It's a plunge into a psychological abyss, masterfully crafted with stop-motion animation that elevates the film's unsettling atmosphere. For fans of the meticulously crafted and darkly atmospheric horror films churned out by A24, Stopmotion delivers in spades.
The film is smart. It weaves a narrative that begs to be unpacked, leaving room for interpretation and lingering questions. Be prepared to analyze what you see, as the story unfolds with layers that hint at deeper meanings. This isn't a horror film that relies solely on jump scares; it seeps under your skin with its disturbing imagery and psychological exploration.
But the brilliance doesn't stop at the script. The casting is superb. The actors breathe life (or perhaps unlife) into their characters, making them all the more believable within the stop-motion world. And let's not forget the gore. Stopmotion doesn't shy away from depicting the macabre, but it does so with a chilling artistry that stays true to the film's overall tone.
If you're looking for a horror film that's intelligent, disturbing, and beautifully crafted, Stopmotion (2024) is a must-watch. Just be prepared to have your mind bent and your stomach churned. Highly recommended.
While I won't say this film is a 10, I would also caution against putting to much credibility into reviews that give only 10s and 1s. I think this film could have been better but I am confortable with giving it a 7 or 6.5. It is a good watch and worthy of being watched. To that end, make up your own mind of whether you like it or not. But honest reviews won't give this a perfect 10 or a perfect 1.
After.Life (2009)
Good watch
"After. Life" (2009) is a film that, while not extraordinary, manages to leave an indelible mark on its viewers. The movie may not be a cinematic masterpiece, but it certainly has its merits.
The film's central theme revolves around the importance of living life to the fullest before it runs out, a message that resonates deeply. It encourages viewers to seize the day and appreciate the beauty of existence. This poignant message is subtly woven into the narrative, making it a thought-provoking experience.
The performances are commendable, with the cast delivering a believable portrayal of their respective characters. The cinematography and direction are decent, contributing to the overall eerie atmosphere of the film.
In conclusion, "After. Life" (2009) is a film that, despite its shortcomings, manages to convey a powerful message about life and mortality. It serves as a reminder to cherish every moment, for life is fleeting. While it may not be a standout in the realm of cinema, it is a film that prompts introspection and discussion, making it worth a watch. Especially for the Christina Ricci eye candy as well.
The Retirement Plan (2023)
Terrible
Sunset on a Soggy Script: My Review of "The Retirement Plan"
Nicolas Cage deserves better than The Retirement Plan. This action-comedy, which landed with a dull thud in 2023, throws together a tired plot, wooden acting, and enough clichés to fill a bingo card - all under the tepid sun.
The story revolves around Frank (Cage), a grumpy ex-government assassin lured back into the game by a flash drive containing incriminating secrets. Cue the chase, the double-crosses, and the obligatory team-up with a sassy young tech wiz (Ashley Greene). Unfortunately, every twist is telegraphed from a mile away, and the action sequences lack the spark and originality Cage has brought to past roles. It's as if the entire film is stuck on shuffle, playing the same worn-out tropes of the genre without adding any flavor.
Cage, bless his hammy heart, tries his best. He throws in his signature manic energy, but even he can't salvage the lines he's given. The dialogue is a cringe-fest, littered with cheesy one-liners and forced banter. The rest of the cast fares no better, delivering performances about as lively as a beach towel left out in the sun for too long. Jackie Earle Haley tries to inject some menace as a villain, but he comes across more like a grumpy uncle complaining about the price of shrimp at the local diner.
The Retirement Plan isn't even visually interesting. The Cayman Islands setting, which should be a visual feast, is reduced to a bland backdrop for predictable shootouts and awkward conversations. The editing is choppy, the pacing sluggish, and the whole thing feels like a cheap knock-off of better action comedies.
In the end, The Retirement Plan is a missed opportunity. It squanders a potentially fun premise and wastes the talents of a charismatic actor like Cage. If you're looking for a summer escape, save yourself the sunburn and skip this forgettable film. Unless, of course, you're a die-hard Cage completist. Even then, prepare for a viewing experience that might leave you longing for the simpler days of Con Air.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 flash drives (because even the MacGuffin was boring)
You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment (2024)
Plant based propaganda
You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment - A Plate of Bias, Short on Science
"You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment" promises a fascinating glimpse into the world of diet and its impact on our bodies. Unfortunately, instead of delivering a balanced scientific exploration, it serves up a heaping helping of plant-based propaganda, seasoned with questionable evidence and garnished with questionable experts.
The show hinges on a six to eight-week experiment where identical twins adopt opposing diets - vegan and omnivore. This timeframe simply isn't enough to draw any meaningful conclusions about long-term health impacts. It's like judging a marathon by who jogs furthest in the first five minutes.
Furthermore, the "experts" guiding the twins are, in large part, YouTube personalities with well-documented pro-vegan and anti-meat biases. Their pronouncements ring with the tone of influencers hawking a lifestyle choice, not medical professionals delivering unbiased research. It's hardly surprising that the conclusions lean heavily toward the vegan side.
Speaking of evidence, the show's presentation is light on actual data and heavy on anecdotal observations. We see before-and-after blood tests and scans, but the interpretation is often subjective and the context of individual health histories neglected. It's hard to draw any generalizable lessons from a handful of cherry-picked cases.
The overwhelming bias seeps into every corner of the show. The vegan diet is constantly painted as the utopian solution, while the omnivore option is riddled with negative connotations. The narrative nudges viewers towards a predetermined conclusion, leaving little room for critical thinking.
Ultimately, "You Are What You Eat" fails to live up to its scientific pretense. It's a poorly disguised infomercial for veganism, dressed up in the lab coat of a documentary. If you're looking for rigorous research and impartial evidence, look elsewhere. This show is pure propaganda, best consumed with a heavy dose of skepticism.
In summary:
Short experiment: Insufficient time to draw meaningful conclusions.
Biased experts: YouTube personalities with vested interests.
Lack of evidence: Relies on anecdotes and questionable data.
Overwhelming bias: Pushes a vegan agenda without nuance.
If you're seeking a balanced exploration of diet and its impact, "You Are What You Eat" is best left on the shelf, unopened.
All Souls (2023)
A Formulaic Choppy Mess
All Souls, the latest crime thriller from director Emmanuelle Pickett, had the potential to be a captivating exploration of the morally gray world of undercover informants and drug cartels. Unfortunately, it falls flat with its predictable plot, underdeveloped characters, and lackluster execution.
Clichéd and predictable: The film follows a tired formula, relying heavily on well-worn tropes and recycled plot points. All Souls does little to differentiate itself. The predictable twists and turns fail to surprise or engage the audience, leaving them feeling uninspired and bored.
Unconvincing characters: The characters in All Souls are shallow and underdeveloped. We never truly connect with them on an emotional level, making it difficult to care about their fates. The dialogue is often stilted and unnatural, further highlighting the lack of depth and authenticity in the characters.
Lackluster execution: The film's pacing is uneven, with stretches of slow exposition followed by abrupt bursts of action. The editing is choppy and jarring, disrupting the flow of the film and making it feel disjointed. Following the characters when the action breaks out becomes difficult because of the editing.
The cinematography is uninspired, failing to capture the gritty atmosphere the film aims for.
Overall, All Souls is a disappointing and forgettable addition to the crime thriller genre. It offers nothing new or original, and its flaws outweigh any positives. If you're looking for a captivating and suspenseful film, look elsewhere.
If I had to say something positive, I feel that the actress, Mikey Madison, gave a good performance. But none of the other characters could match her acting skills. The little girl is adorable and I am sure she will have many future roles.
Here are some of the specific issues I found with the film:
The plot is predictable and unoriginal.
The characters are shallow and underdeveloped.
The dialogue is stilted and unnatural.
The pacing is uneven and the editing is choppy.
The cinematography is uninspired.
Its watchable, but not memerable.
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars.
The Royal Hotel (2023)
The Royal Hotel (2023): A Slow Burn That Never Ignites
Kitty Green's drama, The Royal Hotel is a slow burn that never ignites. The film follows two young Canadian backpackers, Liv (Jessica Henwick) and Becky (Julia Garner), who take on bartending jobs at a remote pub in the Australian Outback. The pub is owned by the enigmatic Bill (Hugo Weaving), and the clientele is made up of a rough-and-tumble bunch of miners.
As the film progresses, Liv and Becky find themselves increasingly isolated and vulnerable. The men at the pub are increasingly aggressive and predatory, and the women are forced to constantly navigate their way through dangerous and uncomfortable situations.
The Royal Hotel is a well-acted film, with particularly strong performances from Henwick and Garner. However, the film's slow pace and lack of suspense eventually become its undoing. The film is more interested in creating a sense of atmosphere and dread than in telling a compelling story. Unfortunately, it never quite succeeds in either.
One of the biggest problems with The Royal Hotel is that it never really gives the audience a reason to care about the two main characters. Liv and Becky are thinly drawn characters, and their motivations are never fully explored. As a result, it's difficult to feel any real tension or suspense when they are in danger.
Another problem with the film is its pacing. The Royal Hotel is a very slow-moving film, and it often feels like nothing is happening. There are long stretches of the film where the only thing happening is Liv and Becky serving drinks to the miners. This makes the film feel very tedious and boring at times.
Finally, The Royal Hotel's climax is both unsatisfying and confusing. The film builds up to a major confrontation between Liv, Becky, and the miners, but the climax is ultimately resolved in a very anti-climactic way. The film ends with a number of unanswered questions, and the audience is left feeling confused and frustrated.
Overall, The Royal Hotel is a disappointing film. It's a well-acted film with a great atmosphere, but it's also a slow-moving and unsatisfying film. But I wouldn't call this film a thriller as it offers no thrills or much suspense for the audience. The film literally made me yawn a few times during its runtime.
Deliver Us (2023)
Could have been better
Deliver Us (2023) is a religious horror film with stunning cinematography and gore, but a disappointing script. It could have been a better film if the screenplay was better.
The film follows a Russian nun who claims to have immaculately conceived twins. The Vatican sends a team of priests to investigate, but they are joined by affiliates of a secret society with orders to abort both children. An American Jesuit discovers their plan and helps her escape.
The cinematography in Deliver Us is truly beautiful. The directors use light and shadow to create a sense of atmosphere and suspense. The film also features some gruesome gore for the gore hound horror fans.
However, the script for Deliver Us is disappointing. The plot is convoluted and the characters are underdeveloped. The film also suffers from some tonal inconsistencies, switching between horror, comedy, and drama without much success.
Overall, Deliver Us is a mixed bag. It is worth a watch if you are a fan of religious horror, gore, and art house films. However, it is not a keeper for me. The script is too disappointing to make up for the film's strengths.
If the screenplay was better, Deliver Us could have been a truly great horror film. It has all the elements in place: a unique and interesting premise, stunning cinematography, and some truly gruesome gore. However, the script falls short, and the film ultimately fails to live up to its potential.
No One Will Save You (2023)
Home Invasion meets Alien Invasion.
No One Will Save You (2023) is a home invasion meets alien invasion film that is a fun and suspenseful ride, especially as the heroine racks up alien kills.
The film follows Brynn Adams (Kaitlyn Dever), a young woman who lives alone in her childhood home after her parents' death. One night, she is awakened by strange noises and discovers that her home has been invaded by aliens. Brynn must use all of her intelligence and resourcefulness to survive the night and fight off the aliens.
Dever is excellent in the lead role, bringing both strength and vulnerability to Brynn. She is believable as both a victim and a fighter, and her performance is one of the highlights of the film.
The aliens in the film are unique and well-designed. They are not the typical green men from Mars, but rather a variety of strange and grotesque creatures. This makes them all the more unsettling and terrifying.
The film's plot is fairly straightforward, but it is executed well. There is plenty of suspense and excitement, and the film does a good job of building tension. The film also has a few twists and turns that keep things interesting.
Overall, No One Will Save You is a solid and enjoyable film. It is not particularly original or groundbreaking, but it is well-made and entertaining. Fans of home invasion and alien invasion films will definitely want to check it out.
Specifically, the film is most enjoyable as the heroine racks up alien kills. Brynn is not a passive victim, and she fights back against the aliens with everything she has. She uses her knowledge of her home and her ingenuity to trap and kill the aliens one by one. This is what makes the film so much fun to watch. It is satisfying to see Brynn turn the tables on the aliens and take control of the situation.
If you are looking for a fun and suspenseful film with a strong female lead that isn't a mary sue, then No One Will Save You is worth a watch.
Robots (2023)
dull humorless romcom
Robots (2023) Review: One of the Worst Romcoms I've Seen This Year
Robots (2023) is a sci-fi romcom starring Shailene Woodley and Jack Whitehall as Charles and Elaine, a womanizer and a gold digger who are forced to team up to pursue robot doubles of themselves. The film is directed by Casper Christensen and Anthony Hines, and was released in May 2023.
I've seen a lot of bad romcoms in my time, but Robots (2023) is one of the worst. The plot is nonsensical, the characters are unlikable, and the jokes are flat.
The film's premise is that a company called RoboCorp has developed robot doubles of humans that can be used for any purpose, including companionship, sex, and even assassination. Charles and Elaine are two people who have decided to purchase robot doubles of themselves, but when their robots malfunction and escape, they are forced to team up to track them down.
The problem with this plot is that it's never really explained why Charles and Elaine would want to purchase robot doubles of themselves in the first place. Charles is a womanizer who doesn't seem to be interested in any kind of meaningful relationship, and Elaine is a gold digger who is only interested in money. So why would they want to spend money on robots that can do everything they can already do, but better?
The characters in Robots (2023) are also incredibly unlikable. Neither character is particularly funny or charming, and it's hard to root for them to get together in the end.
The film's jokes are also incredibly flat. Most of the humor comes from the fact that the robot doubles of Charles and Elaine are malfunctioning, and they often do and say things that are inappropriate or embarrassing. However, these jokes are rarely funny, and they often fall flat.
Overall, Robots (2023) is a terrible romcom. The plot is nonsensical, the characters are unlikable, and the jokes are flat. If you're looking for a good romcom to watch, I would avoid this one at all costs.
I normally like films with Shailene Woodley and in all honestly, watched the entire film just because she was in it. But this will be the movie she will never want to be interviewed for.
Jules (2023)
fun and quirky
Jules is a 2023 quirky comedy-drama film directed by Marc Turtletaub and written by Gavin Steckler. The film stars Ben Kingsley as Milton, an elderly man who lives a quiet life in a small town. One day, a UFO crashes in Milton's backyard, and he discovers an alien inside. Milton names the alien Jules, and they quickly become friends.
Milton's neighbors, Sandy (Elliott Gould) and Joyce (Ann Dowd), find out about Jules and agree to help Milton keep him a secret. However, the government soon learns about Jules and sends agents to capture him. Milton, Sandy, and Joyce must work together to protect Jules and help him return home.
Jules is a heartwarming and humorous film about friendship, aging, and the importance of finding purpose in life. Ben Kingsley gives a wonderful performance as Milton, a man who is initially hesitant to form a relationship with Jules but eventually comes to see him as a son. Elliott Gould and Ann Dowd are also excellent as Sandy and Joyce, two neighbors who become Milton's confidants and allies.
The film's special effects are well-done, and Jules is a surprisingly believable alien character. However, the film's real strength is its characters and their relationships. Jules is a story about the power of friendship and the importance of treating others with kindness and compassion.
Overall, Jules is a charming and heartwarming film that is sure to please audiences of all ages.
Tin & Tina (2023)
Unrealized potential
Tin & Tina (2023) is a disappointing film that had the potential to be a truly chilling horror experience. The two titular characters are creepy and unsettling, and the film's atmosphere is effectively eerie. However, the film is ultimately undone by its overwrought plot, excessive runtime, and lack of scares.
The film's premise is simple: a couple adopts two seemingly innocent children, but it soon becomes clear that the children are not what they seem. Tin and Tina are deeply religious fanatics, and their beliefs lead them to commit increasingly disturbing acts.
The film's biggest problem is its plot. The story is full of twists and turns, but many of them feel forced and unnecessary. Many of the children's acts are implied but not actually scene on camera such as the disembodiment of the family pet in the living room which is blocked by the couch. The film also drags on for far too long, and it could easily have been trimmed by 30 minutes.
Another problem is the film's lack of scares. There are a few jump scares here and there, but the film never truly builds suspense or tension. As a result, the film is more unsettling than scary.
Despite its flaws, Tin & Tina is not a complete disaster. The film's atmosphere is effective, and the performances of the two child actors are good. However, the film's overwrought plot and excessive runtime make it a difficult watch. Like running through sand, it just pulls so much energy with little reward in return.
Rating: 2.0 out of 10 stars IMHO.
The Equalizer 3 (2023)
Worth the price of admission
The Equalizer 3 (2023) is a thrilling and satisfying conclusion to the popular action trilogy, starring Denzel Washington as Robert McCall, a retired government operative who now uses his skills to help those who cannot help themselves.
In this installment, McCall finds himself drawn into a conflict with the Sicilian Mafia, after his best friend is killed in a seemingly random attack. McCall travels to Sicily to investigate, and soon finds himself caught up in a web of deceit and violence.
Washington is once again superb as McCall, bringing a quiet intensity and gravitas to the role. He is equally convincing in both the action scenes and the more dramatic moments. The supporting cast is also excellent, with Dakota Fanning, Remo Girone, and Eugenio Mastrandrea all delivering memorable performances.
Director Antoine Fuqua crafts a visually stunning film, with sweeping shots of the Sicilian countryside and picturesque villages. The action sequences are brutal and unflinching, but they are also well-choreographed and exciting to watch.
The Equalizer 3 is a must-see for fans of the franchise, and it is also a great film for fans of action movies in general. It is a well-made and entertaining film with a strong performance from Denzel Washington.
Here are some of the things that I particularly loved about the film:
The Sicilian setting is beautiful and atmospheric, and it provides a fresh backdrop for the action.
The supporting cast is excellent, and they all have good chemistry with Washington.
The action sequences are brutal and intense, but they are also well-choreographed and exciting to watch.
Washington gives a masterful performance as McCall, bringing a quiet intensity and gravitas to the role.
The film has a satisfying conclusion that wraps up the trilogy nicely.
Overall, The Equalizer 3 is a thrilling and satisfying action film that is sure to please fans of the franchise and fans of the genre in general. I highly recommend it. So many films I have seen this year that I felt wasn't worth the cost of a movie ticket, but I didn't have that feeling with this one. I really enjoyed it and in my opinion, its the best of the Denzel trilogy.
Barbie (2023)
Barbie
The 2023 movie "Barbie" is a surprisingly subversive and thought-provoking film that takes a sharp look at gender roles and expectations. Directed by Greta Gerwig and starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling, the film has good visual with a sharp script and great performances.
The film follows Barbie (Robbie) as she is exiled from Barbieland for not being perfect enough. She ends up in the real world, where she meets Ken (Gosling) and learns about the challenges of being a woman in a patriarchal society.
The film is full of humor and heart, but it also tackles some serious issues, such as sexism, body image, and the pressure to conform. Gerwig does a good job of balancing these elements, creating a film that is both entertaining and thought-provoking.
The performances in the film are all excellent. Robbie is particularly good as Barbie, bringing both humor and vulnerability to the role. Gosling is also great as Ken, and the two have great chemistry together.
The film's visuals are also stunning. The sets are nicely designed, and the costumes are good. It's clear that a lot of care went into its production.
Kids seem to love it and it's really a film for them even if I wouldn't watch it a second time personally.