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paul bishop
Reviews
Kingpin (2003)
Ay Carumba!
This is a hoot -- a Mexican drug family with few redeeming qualities, corrupt politicians, and fumbling DEA officers. If there's one problem it's that there's almost too much going on -- were it a series, the action would take longer to play out. Picture it as a drug cartel family soap opera. The first episode alone was hilarious --a wacko cousin of the Kingpin doesn't like it when Kingpin's wife shoots her mouth off, so he plans to tear off her blouse and whip her! And this is when he isn't feeding the body parts of his victims to his pet tiger! Needless to say, he gets it in the end because he's a threat to the family business. But there are lots of other nutso people running around, causing trouble. The only weak spot is Brian Benben as a plastic surgeon/drug dealer who's too goofy to take seriously. Overall, though, the whole thing is murder, mayhem and kitsch with a unique latin flair.
The Ring (2002)
Not Terribly Scary, Just Terrible
A good marketing campaign made this a hit, showing screaming teens in theatres ...when we saw it, people were laughing. WE were laughing! The plot is nonsense and the genuine scares amount to nothing more than a few minor jumps in your seat. The rest of the time you're left to wonder what on Earth is going on in this movie. If it had been filmed in black and white and everyone had spoken Swedish, it probably would have been hailed in America as a masterpiece.
Meteorites! (1998)
This movie crashes & burns!
Tom Wopat and a grade-Z cast in a 1950s-style flick about meteorites hitting a small Arizona town. My favorite parts: Tom's daughter has just been crowned 'Miss Universe' during the town's UFO Festival ...and she's hoisted up in a cheesy UFO (by a crane) above the adoring townsfolk just as the rocks start crashing ...imagine sitting there, trying to look glam in your tiara, when everyone beneath you is getting bombed; then there's the obnoxious fellow (who you know just HAS to die) who is hit head-on by a small meteorite but his smoking boots are left standing. Oh the agony of it all -- both for the town and the viewer! If you taped it, this is a movie best watched in fast-forward mode.
Daddy (1991)
Laughable Crud!
Shallow, shallow script ...stilted acting ...the shadows of boom mikes lingering over the actors' heads in scenes ...worth watching because Kate Mulgrew plays the most selfish mother in TV movie history and it's all before Ben Affleck got his teeth capped.