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Sex Education (2019)
Truly excellent drama with lots of heart and fun
This review is based on the first three seasons of Sex Education. Both the audience and the critics seem to agree that the fourth season is at best a caricature, so I skipped it.
Sex Education follows awkward teen Otis (Asa Butterfield), who is a student at Moordale High School. Discovering that Otis has a knack for talking others through their sex issues, his clever yet rebellious fellow student Maeve (Emma Mackey) decides to form an underground "sex clinic". At the same time, Otis' mother Jean (Gillian Anderson), a renowned therapist specialising in sex and relationships, and Otis' best friend Eric (Ncuti Gatwa) go through their own issues.
I came for the humour and stayed for the characters. Yes, Sex Education is an incredibly quirky show where the teens have all the problems with their sexuality that teens could ever have. Yes, this frequently leads to absurd situations like a musical version of Romeo and Juliet with lots of alien genitals or a school song about "sucking tiddies". Yes, the representation of LGTB characters is far above average (which in a show that is literally centred around teenagers' sexual identity is very much a necessary thing). I expected a show that didn't take itself seriously and spent most of its effort on dumb jokes.
Instead, Sex Education has some of the best characters I've ever had the joy of discovering, played by a genuinely likeable and competent cast, and embroiled in a storyline that can easily compete with those high-brow dramas everyone gushes about.
This is, however, a point of criticism, at least for me: after the first three, four episodes I thought I'd spent the next evenings with tears from laughter, not with tears of emotional turmoil. Sex Education is a fantastic show, but I had no idea what I was getting into when I started watching it. Nevertheless, the humour doesn't come up short either. Somewhat annoying, at least to those who are easily frustrated by classical relationship dramas, is the will-they-won't-they subplot between Otis and Maeve that still isn't properly resolved after three seasons. Also, beginning with a weird sex scene was a fun idea the first few episodes but quickly got old (at least for me).
That being said, the first three seasons of Sex Education are solid gold. Viewer discretion is advised (especially for a conservative audience), but the show is literally called Sex Education; it delivers on that in all its modern facets.
School Spirits (2023)
A high school murder mystery turned thriller?
High school student Maddie Nears (Peyton List) is missing. Her backpack is gone, her phone is turned off, and there's fresh blood in the school's boiler room. Her friends and family haven't given up hope yet, but the chances are high that she's dead.
High school student Maddie Nears is also walking the halls, unheard and unseen by students and staff alike, unable to interact with anything and anyone except all the others that died at Split River High School over the decades. Not remembering her death, Maddie tries to investigate her murder, while also contemplating how to cross over into the afterlife with her fellow ghosts.
When I read the show's blurb, I thought it would be one of those superficial yet fun shows with a unique premise but otherwise generic storylines. This is most certainly not the case; 'School Spirits' is densely narrated and surprisingly sophisticated. The series' tone is solemn, relying on its humanly flawed characters and slow relevations instead of witty banter or mindless action. The cast all play their roles belivably, and the supported by a haunting yet subtle soundtrack and realistically plain visuals.
The eight episodes of the first season all end with cliffhangers that slowly inch closer to revealing just who killed Maddie. Unfortunately, the final episode offers no closure, instead opening even more questions with an unforeseen plot twist to herald what may be an ambitious change of genre for season two.
Personally, I feel like the first series would've been better to stand alone as a self-contained story that ran its course over the eight episodes. We'll see if the writers will truly manage to keep the show going for another season.
Nikita (1990)
It sure didn't age well
Luc Besson's 'La Femme Nikita' is often cited as the essential female-centric assassin thriller. I suppose this must be the case because it was the first famous movie to do so, certainly not the best.
The movie is centred around Nikita, a criminal drug addict who, after being sent to prison for life, is turned into an assassin/spy. I'm not sure why the French scraped the barrel to choose their assassins, and neither am I sure why I'm supposed to root for a drug addict who blew out a cop's brains for no reason. But, sure, let's accept the premise.
What follows is a few very short bursts of mediocre action embedded into a story about a woman's highly generic life. Yay?
It doesn't help that the movie somehow feels like it is far older than its true age. There are many classics that have held up well over the past decades, like Jurrassic Park (which is roughly the same age), Alien (which is more than ten years older), or even 2001 (which is from the late sixties). 'Nikita' somehow feels like it predates all of these movies, and I'm not sure why. Could it be the stale soundtrack, the slow direction, the mediocre English dub, or the subpar sound quality? Perhaps.
Luc Besson's 'Anna', while terribly generic and predictable, is at least an entertaining execution of a very similar premise. 'Nikita' falls far short of its fame, and doesn't even have the grace to do so with any sort of spectacle. All in all, I was thoroughly disappointed, more bored than anything else.
Bottoms (2023)
Unhinged lesbian high school comedy
'Bottoms' tells the story of PJ (Rachel Sennott) and Josie (Ayo Edebiri), two unpopular lesbian high school students who are in love with two cheerleaders. To win their crushes over, they are starting a girls' fight club, based on their made-up experiences from a non-existent stay in juvie. Things escalate as their high school's football game against the decade-long rival team approaches...
One thing to know about 'Bottoms' is that pretty much everything is so exaggerated that it's ridiculously unhinged. This works in some parts and doesn't in others. Unlike other teen movies -- like the often-cited Mean Girls -- this over-exaggeration goes far beyond suspension of disbelief or reasonable satire; it becomes difficult to comprehend which parts we are supposed to care about and which ones are just exaggerated to score cheap points. The movie considers itself much funnier than it actually is, and it certainly doesn't meet the level of social commentary it strives for.
Nevertheless, it's a fun movie, even if there is nothing really noteworthy about it.
[Rec]³: Génesis (2012)
Pointless generic zombie movie set at a wedding
REC3: Genesis is a generic zombie splatter movie. Set at a wedding reception, one of the guests is infected. As chaos breaks out, the movie follows the groom and the bride as they try to survive.
There is nothing in this movie that you haven't seen before. We get all the obligatory gory scenes, like the one with a kitchen implement, the one with a power tool, and of course a whole bunch where the zombies tear people's throats out. Unfortunately, the movie isn't all that consistent, relies on shaky cam for the the first half-hour, doesn't have any remarkable characters, and doesn't even deliver a satisfying ending.
The only thing that sets REC3 apart from other zombie movies is that it's set at a wedding, so you get the scene where the bride decides to kick ass and tears her gown with a chainsaw.
Honestly, I didn't expect much, but this is just disappointing,.
Shotgun Wedding (2022)
Thoroughly mediocre
'Shotgun Wedding' is not a particularly bad movie; it doesn't really get anything wrong. It doesn't do much right either, though.
Darcy and Tom are getting married on a remote private island, but the bride's divorced parents are difficult, the groom's mother is overbearing, and even the bride's ex shows up without having RSVPd. And that's before pirates show up to take the wedding party hostage.
What proceeds from this premise is a series of fortunate accidents that has the bride and groom take down a bunch of pirates. The action is thoroughly mediocre, as is the humour. Jennifer Lopez and Josh Duhamel do a reasonably good job, but that's pretty much it. Dumb action comedies can do pretty much anything as long as they aren't dull. Unfortunately, this one is pretty dull.
It feels a bit like the writers watched 'Ready Or Not' and decided that they, too, needed to make a movie about a bride getting thoroughly trashed, except that they went for a light-hearted action comedy instead of a brutal horror slasher. It does take a bit more than that to make an entertaining movie.
Oh, well. If you have ~100 minutes to waste, this isn't the worst movie to do so, but any other movie you wouldn't rate as "not bad" would be an improvement.
Easy A (2010)
Witty and excellent
As a little white lie, Olive (Emma Stone) tells her best friend in their high school's bathroom that she lost her virginity. The white lie turns into a rumour, quickly casting Olive as the new school floozy. She decides to roll with it, enjoying her newfound popularity as similar rumours quickly pop up. However, things soon spiral out of control...
'Easy A' is not a generic teen movie, mostly thanks to its unconventional protagonist, masterfully played by Emma Stone. Olive is quick-witted and sarcastic, mostly indifferent to her reputation or her classmates' opinions, and not easily fazed. She is accompanied by a similarly unconventional support cast, mostly her parents and her favourite teacher. In contrast to other great teen movies (for example 'Mean Girls'), 'Easy A' does not need any overdone stereotypical characters, instead relying on people and events that are reasonably close to real life (perhaps with the exception of the religious nutjob students, at least for a movie set in California).
From a technical standpoint, there is nothing not to like about 'Easy A'. Personally, I'd love to see more movies with similarly unconventional protagonists; it's only now that the mould has been broken that I realised just how formulaic protagonists have become...
Mean Girls (2004)
Actually really good
I was aware of 'Mean Girls' mostly just because of its memes and decided to finally find out what the fuss is all about. Turns out... it's actually a really good movie.
After being homeschooled in Africa for all her life, Cady (Lindsay Lohan) finally goes to high school in the US. Knowing nothing about the social etiquette of teens, she somehow manages to become a double agent in the clique of the 'plastics' lead by eponymous mean girl Regina George (Rachel McAdams). Initially just faking it, Cady soon finds herself turning into a mean girl herself.
Personally, I found the movie thoroughly enjoyable. The characters are either genuinely likeable or funnily overdone in their clichés. The dialogue is witty, with a whole bunch of hilarious 'mean girl' comments and situational comedy. Surprisingly, the movie even holds up fairly well despite its two decades of age.
From a technical standpoint, there is nothing not to enjoy. The acting is good, the direction and soundtrack work well, and the movie is generally just a joy to behold. Some of the actors are perhaps a tad too old to play sixteen-year-olds, but that's not really an issue.
All in all, I enjoyed 'Mean Girls' and wouldn't mind watching more like it!
Totally Killer (2023)
Entertaining
'Totally Killer' is a slasher comedy, featuring Jamie Hughes (Kiernan Shipka) travelling from 2023 back to the eighties. There's a murderer on the loose, and Jamie's mother is a potential victim.
The movie certainly is not about to win an Academy Award. The premise is flawed, depending on a high-schooler inventing a time machine as her Science Fair project. The characters are caricatures, lacking depth and character development. And, in the end, it's a slasher movie, with all the pitfalls the genre entails by necessity.
Nevertheless, 'Totally Killer' is incredibly entertaining. Experiencing the 80s through the lens of a modern teenager is amusing and cleverly executed, especially when our protagonist meets her teenaged parents and their friends. It also helps that the movie doesn't take itself all that seriously, poking fun at its own clichés. I was thoroughly entertained the entire time!
From a technical standpoint, there's not much to say. Nothing really strikes the eye, the direction, camera work, soundtrack, etc. All working reasonably well. The CGI is obviously not a high-budget production, but considering that the whole time machine thing is entirely too cheesy, the clunky CGI fits quite well.
'Totally Killer' is meant to be light entertainment, and its hits its mark! I enjoyed the movie quite a lot and wouldn't mind watching more like this.
Ava (2020)
Meh
The vast majority of good action movies has a lot of action and very little depth. The vast majority of action movies that try for depth are not good. There is a tiny subset of good action movies that have depth, and 'Ava' tried and failed to be part of that subset.
Meet the eponymous Ava, who has the never-seen-before backstory of honours student turned addict turned soldier turned assassin. But unlike other assassins, she has the never-seen-before quality of only wanting to kill bad guys. In a never-seen-before plot twist, the assassination agency wants to terminate Ava. Oh no!
What could've been an extremely generic but highly entertaining action movie is dragged down but the weight of Ava's uninteresting and unlikeable characterisation: meet Ava's mother, sister, and former-boyfriend-slash-future-brother-in-law (for extra drama). Yawn!
That being said, the movie is otherwise good. The actors do their part, the soundtrack is great, the direction works well, the action scenes are cool. In the end, this could've been that guilty pleasure that you watch when you want to watch Jessica Chastain eliminate some bad guys. Instead, you'll be happy to have forgotten all about it a few days after watching it.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
A great homage but a shallow movie
'The Super Mario Bros. Movie' is exactly what you should expect from a Super Mario Bros. Movie. All your favourite characters there, with Mario (Chris Pratt) starring as the protagonist, Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) as his kick-ass love interest, Bowser (Jack Black) as the villain, Toad (Keegan-Michael Key) as the sidekick, Donkey Kong (Seth Rogen) as a reluctant ally, and Luigi (Charlie Day) as the unfortunate guy who is also there. A plethora of Super Mario's opponents like koopas and goombas at whatever else show up, all the Super Mario theme cues are there, a bunch of power-ups play a role, and there even is a not-so-brief Mario Kart scene.
Unfortunately, that's the entire attraction of the movie. The script is thin and shallow, delivering absolutely nothing in terms of emotions (not even all that good humour). The characters are one-dimensional and show no character growth. Admittedly, there just isn't all that much time to properly develop the story or characters because the ninety-minute runtime is chock-full of all the stuff that mustn't be missing in a Super Mario movie.
From a technical standpoint, the animation truly shines. I'm not sure when I've last seen such a feast for these eyes in an animated feature; kudos to Illumination! The soundtrack (Brian Tyler) picks up all the familiar tunes and turns them into something proper for a big picture film. The direction (Aaron Horvarth) sure does things right as well. I have to admit that the voice acting didn't really land for me, but perhaps the animated characters just didn't appear lifelike enough for my subconscious.
In the end, 'The Super Mario Bros. Movie' keeps its promises but doesn't give an inch more. I wish I'd spent those ninety minutes watching something else (or perhaps playing a Super Mario game), but I'm sure there is a large fanbase that will appreciate the movie far more than me.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
The Star Wars VII of the Alien franchise
Remember when you came out of the cinemas after watching 'Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens', wondering why someone had made a film out of some teen's Star Wars fanfiction? Fede Alvarez has now done the same thing to the Alien franchise, compiling all the cool stuff of the Alien franchise (predominantly 'Alien', 'Aliens', 'Prometheus', and 'Alien: Isolation') into one movie without really understanding why those things were cool in the first place.
Meet Rain Carradine (Cailee Spaeny), a teenaged or young adult worker in the capitalist mining hellhole Jackson's Star. Together with her synthetic "brother" Andy (David Jonsson), she's trying and failing to make ends meet after the death of her parents in said capitalist hellhole mines. When her ex-boyfriend Tyler (Archie Renaux) and his friends come up with the idea of scavenging a suddenly-in-orbit derelict spacecraft to escape to another planet that has actual sunlight, Rain reluctantly agrees to help. Unfortunately for the young crew, said derelict spacecraft turns out to be a space station, where Weyland-Yutani researched the original xenomorph from the Nostromo.
While the premise raises some questions (Why do have these young people have a spacecraft? Why did the space station appear in orbit without anyone else noticing?), it works well enough to get our intrepid characters into the same place as their future alien friends. What proceeds is the usual Alien-inspired horror, where facehuggers do their thing, synthetic humans do their thing, a bunch of xenomorphs do their thing, and the franchise does its thing with portraying pregnancies/childbirth in yet another new nightmare-inducing fashion. This is fine and works as well as any Alien movie.
What doesn't work all that well is the contrived story. Things happen purely to get the plot moving. Remember the action movie trope where the characters escape a room just a second before it explodes? That happens, like, five times in short succession. Remember those action movie car chase scenes, where the completely out of control car flies through the air and lands exactly in the right position without any consideration of chance or probability? That happens, just with a space ship? Remember all the many scenes where the antagonist gloats instead of killing the protagonist, only for some deus ex machina to get him? That, too, happens. It's really extremely dumb, even after suspending all disbelief.
Moronic plot aside, the movie does well. The aesthetics are incredibly pleasing; I absolutely love the retro-futuristic style of the original 'Alien' movie (as well as the 'Alien: Isolation' video game). It's fantastically done. The soundtrack doesn't quite meet the chilly atmosphere of the original 'Alien' movie but works well enough. The visual effects are cool, and the sound is great. The characters are fairly forgettable with the exception of Rain and Andy. For some reason there is a creepy CGI version of Ian Holm playing an android; this was entirely unnecessary and should not have been done.
While the screenwriters had some new ideas with regard to the use of temperature and gravity, a whole bunch of concepts were heavily inspired by 'Alien: Isolation' (which, unfortunately, has a considerably better story than 'Alien: Romulus'). The movie also managed to fabricate the dumbest depiction of an astronomical phenomenon with its practically solid Saturn-like planetary ring, but I guess a more realistic ring wouldn't have yielded the same effect of once again (well, twice again) escaping at the very last second.
Nevertheless, 'Alien: Romulus' manages to be an engaging movie, mostly due its fantastic aesthetics, the stellar acting by Spaney and Jonsson, and perhaps the shock value of the third act. It just might be the third best movie in the franchise, but only manages to do so by default of the other movies being terrible. If someone capable of logical thinking had proofread the screenplay, the movie might've been actually really good.
The Lost City (2022)
Extremely entertaining
Loretta Sage (Sandra Bullock) is the exhausted author of a best-selling series of romance novels featuring an intrepid archaeologist and her beefy sidekick. Kidnapper by the eccentric billionaire Abigail Fairfax (Daniel Radcliffe), she suddenly finds herself on an adventure much like her novels together with the cover model of her books, Alan (Channing Tatum).
'The Lost City' certainly doesn't invent anything new. Its adventure is formulaic with ex machinas and suspicious timing galore, the romance is predictable from the first few scenes, but the humour... the humour actually works extremely well.
Featuring: Sandra Bullock in a pink and glittery onesie stumbling through a jungle, Channing Tatum being a total wimp, Daniel Radcliffe having the time of his life portraying yet another extremely weird dude, and Brad Pitt almost saving the day.
This movie is dumb, and it is absolutely aware of how dumb it is. If you want to watch a funny parody of those terribly generic adventure stories, you've certainly come to the right place. I was extremely entertained from start to finish and would honestly love to see many more movies like this!
Colombiana (2011)
A bit more stupid than usual but still entertaining
After ten-year-old Cataleya (Amandla Stenberg/Zoe Saldana) watches her parents' murder by some stereotypical bad guys, she decides to become a professional assassin in a revenge plot. A decade or so later, her plans seem to finally come to fruition as she closes in on the man who had her parents killed. However, at the same time, both the FBI and the gangsters close in on her as well.
'Colombiana' has a few things going for it: there are a bunch of cool action scenes where lots of guns get shot; there is Cataleya who is a smart assassin with clever strategies; and there is Zoe Saldana in a bunch of revealing outfits.
If you need more in a movie to entertain you, 'Colombiana' will not leave you satisfied. The action scenes are a bit dumber than usual, the clever plans a bit too intricate to meet even my low standards of realism, and the characters aren't even likeable.
Still, it's a movie with a high production movie that has its dumb script flawlessly executed. It's certainly not Besson's best movie -- it isn't even his best 'competent and attractive woman kills a bunch of bad guys' movie, but it also isn't 'Lucy' levels of stupid. It's good entertainment to kill an evening, nothing more, nothing less.
Aknyeo (2017)
An action movie trying to be more
'The Villainess' tells the story of Sook-hee (Kim Ok-bin) who, after eradicating an entire gang in revenge for the death of a loved one, is trained to be an assassin. After semi-retiring to care for her child, she must contend with her agency, her new boyfriend who is more than he seems, and the return of some old acquaintances.
The movie begins with a fantastically choreographed action scene, and ends with another not-quite-as-good one. In between, we get a mess a story that tries to be deep and soulful, a bunch of confusingly ordered flashbacks, and the odd minor action scene to keep the audience interested.
To be honest, I found the plot uninteresting and did not care for the characters. That would've been perfectly fine if the movie had stuck to its main attraction -- the amazingly executed action. But 'The Villainess' repeated the mistake of countless action movies before it and tried to be far more than it is, much to the obvious effect.
If the only thing you want is to watch an attractive woman in black leather brutally take apart a bunch bad guys, you'll probably like this movie (though you might need to fast-forward through some scenes). If you are a connoisseur of artful camera work and well-executed fight choreographies, the same holds true as well. For anything else -- good storytelling, an interesting plot, likeable characters, great acting -- you'll have to look elsewhere.
Kaguya-sama wa kokurasetai ~ Tensai tachi no ren'ai zunô sen ~ (2019)
Overdone and repetitive romantic chess game
Miyuki Shirogane and Kaguya Shinomiya are the president and vice-president of the prestigious Shuchiin Academy. They are also madly in love but too proud to confess. Every interaction of the two becomes a ferocious chess game where they try to goad each other into confessing their love.
The main issue of this show is that the premise is really all there is to it. Both Kaguya and Miyuki are one-dimensional characters: Kaguya is the sheltered and obscenely rich heiress of a powerful family that acts like a classical 'tsundere'; Miyuki is the hard-working commoner that is the envy of every boy at his school. This is the totality of their characterisations. They are madly in love because the premise deems it so, and they are too proud to admit it to each other because otherwise the story would be over (even though they are both portrayed as shy and vulnerable in practically every episode).
The story of this show is paper thin, which is also why each episode is itself split into two to three unrelated scenes. A rather annoying narrator keeps score who the winner or loser of the respective encounter is, which forces each scene into a mould that doesn't quite fit many of them. It doesn't help that the "ferocious chess match" between the characters is about as clever as a bored middle school student of mediocre talent would come up with while trying to avoid doing homework (and if someone in the audience still didn't understand what happened, the narrator will gladly explain it).
While I'm not the biggest fan of romantic shows, I was greatly entertained by 'Dusk Maiden of Amnesia' and enjoyed 'Hamefura' or instant classics like 'My Dress-Up Darling' or 'Nagatoro-san'. None of those shows bored me to tears, but 'Kaguya-sama' made me abandon the show after the first five episodes. How they managed to drag this out across three seasons, I have no idea.
That being said, those who do enjoy Will-They-Won't-They shows or pseudo-intellectual chess matches have a near-perfect show in this. The art style is unique but pretty, the direction is solid, even the English dub is of great quality. Personally, I'll stay away from this one and look for something with more intricate characters and a less repetitive and more cohesive story.
Jennifer's Body (2009)
Not good but entertaining teen horror comedy
Anita "Needy" (Amanda Seyfried) and her best friend Jennifer (Megan Fox) want to watch a band at their local bar-slash-club when a fire breaks out. After they escape, Jennifer leaves with the band members in their van. Upon returning home, Needy is visited by a bloodied Jennifer who promptly barfs black bile all over their kitchen...
Does that sound like a rough premise? It is a rough premise, and the movie does not really get much more elaborate. The characters proceed to make choices that are not only horror-movie-level questionable but outright dumb, the dialogues frightful, and absolutely no one except for the protagonist has any agency whatsoever.
Nevertheless, 'Jennifer's Body' is an entertaining movie, perfectly made for a teenage audience that is targeted with the subtlety of a flaming brick: there's Megan Fox in various sexy outfits, thumping Rock & Pop music, Megan Fox wearing nothing while swimming in a lake, pop culture references, and Megan Fox making out with Amanda Seyfried.
Although the movie is called 'Jennifer's Body' and Megan Fox is credited first, the protagonist is Amanda Seyfried's Needy, framing the movie with narration and an obvious hook for a potential sequel-slash-TV-show.
From a technical standpoint 'Jennifer's Body' delivers with good direction, cool visual effects, and a bunch of cool ideas that were executed quite well. It may not be a good movie, but it sure is entertaining if you're the right age. I'll give it a 7/10 because having your BFF puke black bile all over you while you fight her in an abandoned pool of tepid sludge in your prom dresses deserves an extra pity point.
Otome Game no Hametsu Flag shika Nai Akuyaku Reijou ni Tensei shiteshimatta... (2020)
Interesting premise that is somewhat boringly executed
After an accident as a young child, the bratty noble girl Catarina Claes remembers her past life as a romance video game nerd. She finds out that the is destined to become the villainess of the magical academy romance game she played in her previous life and endeavours to avoid all the 'Doom Flags' that would lead to a bad ending. However, Catarina is as oblivious as she is dense. Her cheerful and likeable personality have her befriend (and accidentally seduce) all the characters of the video game without her even noticing.
The premise of 'My Next Life as a Villainess' (also known as 'Hamefura') is a fairly interesting deviation from the usual Isekai tropes, and Catarina is a likeable main character. That the various romances evolve into an 'inverse harem' not only with the male but also the female characters of the show is another unexpected but welcome deviation from the norm. That is, unfortunately, pretty much everything the show has to speak for itself.
While the first episodes are fairly fun, showing how Catarina befriends what are supposed to be both her romantic rivals or eventual murderers, 'Hamefura' quickly simmers down into a fairly slow slice of life show that doesn't really do much of anything. The quirky protagonist and some running gags are all that remain to keep the audience's interest. At least in my case, I fast-forwarded through the last few episodes of the first season and decided to outright ignore the second (allegedly considerably worse) one.
From a technical standpoint, there isn't much to say. The art style is somewhat unique, reminding me of crayons, but not all that stunning. The English dub gets the job done but certainly won't win any awards. The rest... well, it's a simple show only meant to serve as light entertainment. It's certainly not bad, but I also wouldn't call it all that good. I'm sure I'll have entirely forgotten about 'Hamefura' in a few weeks' time.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
A fantastically produced open-ended mess
'Alita: Battle Angel' tells the story of the eponymous cyborg girl (fantastically played by Rosa Salazar) who is found lying in a scrap heap with amnesia. As Alita learns to navigate the harsh reality of the cyberpunk dystopia she lives in, she also struggles to come to terms with the memories she slowly regains. Helping her are Dr. Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz), the cybersurgeon who'd repaired her, and Hugo (Keean Johnson), her eventual love interest.
The production of 'Alita' is excellent. The visuals are stunning, although the character of Alita looks just a bit uncanny -- that might be due to her anime-sized eyes, and I think something is just slightly off about the motion of her hair. The direction (Robert Rodriguez) is great, the atmosphere matches the movie well, the style and CGI is expertly done, and both the sound and soundtrack are pleasantly solid.
Unfortunately, the great production value is met by a story that does not meet its mark. A cyborg girl learning to live in a harsh world and figuring out that she's some sort of battle angel is all fine and good, but the romance is pretty cringe-worthy and more predictable than even the most cliché bodice rippers ("You're the most human person I know", says the human to the cyborg the second time they meet). The weird sports subplot (some mixture of inline skating, American football, and Battle Royale) also just didn't quite fit into the movie. It doesn't help that the character development is either non-existent or happening without any natural course, and that the interpersonal relationships change for no apparent reason.
It feels as if the screenwriters were trying and failing to compress an entire stack of Mangas into a single movie -- which is even more annoying since 'Alita: Battle Angel' cuts out just when the going gets hot. A sequel is allegedly in the works. But where James Cameron had the best of fortunate with his 'Avatar' movie series, I somehow doubt that most of the audience will remember 'Alita' fondly enough to watch a sequel more than half a decade after the first movie. That's quite the pity because the premise is actually highly interesting, and both the characters and the setting have a lot of potential.
Teeth (2007)
One of the worst movies I've ever seen
Admittedly, with a premise like "a teenage girl has teeth in her vagina" I was not expecting high cinema. Instead, I thought we'd get one of those amusingly crappy yet hilariously entertaining horror movies. This is, unfortunately, not the case.
'Teeth' tells the story of Dawn, a spokesperson for her abstinence youth group. When hormones run high and her tentative relationship with Tobey turn into rape, she finds out that her nethers hold a terrible truth: teeth! Trying to navigate the consequences of Tobey's actions, the illness of her mother, and her deadbeat brother's weird infatuation, Dawn slowly comes to terms with her own mutation.
The issue with 'Teeth' is that there is no suspense at all. It takes almost forty minutes of yawning boredom to get to the "big reveal", and the movie does not pick up its pace from there. The horror aspects are terribly campy but not in an amusing (or scary) manner. The story is supremely stupid. The dialogues are abominable. The characters are unlikeable, and the actors not particularly skilled. Even the direction and soundtrack are unreasonably bad.
It doesn't help that there are continuity issues that even I noticed: a few minutes after Dawn goes swimming (not even doffing her jacket for some reason) she's perfectly dry and well-coiffed again. Maybe her genitals feature a blow-dryer in addition to teeth; who knows.
In total, this movie is not entertaining. It is not scary (except for the cult-like "masturbation is sin" people, who honestly made me extremely uncomfortable). It is not well made. I wish I had stopped watching it after the glaringly boring start and spared myself the disappointing rest.
Jagveld (2017)
Decent
In 'Hunting Emma' pacifist schoolteacher Emma is on her way to her father's ranch when her car breaks down. Looking for water in the South African wilderness, she stumbles on drug dealers executing a policeman. As she is chased, Emma must rely on the survival tricks her Special Forces father taught her.
While 'Hunting Emma' doesn't invent anything new, it is still a reasonably well executed movie where an attractive blonde ordinary woman fights off bad guys. The plot doesn't yield any more surprises than this.
The acting is decent. The story is decent, at least for the genre. I suppose the dialogues are decent as well, following the English subtitles. The violence and bloodshed are thankfully not as gratuitous as in most US productions, and Emma does not suddenly turn into a killing machine for no apparent reason (though the "ordinary woman" archetype is somewhat muddled thanks to having a Special Forces dad that taught her all his tricks).
Overall, it's a decent movie if you don't have anything else to watch.
Damsel (2024)
Fantastic movie if you ignore the plot holes and idiotic premise
In 'Damsel', Princess Elodie (Millie Bobby Brown) comes from a poor kingdom at the edge of starvation. Her marriage to Prince Henry of a rich but heretofore unknown kingdom may turn the fortune of Elodie's kingdom, and it seems that love may even develop between the two royals. Yet as Elodie's wedding progresses, it turns out that her new family's kingdom holds a terrible secret involving a deadly pact with a dragon made ages ago...
From a technical standpoint, 'Damsel' is a fantastic movie. The actors are doing a fantastic job, especially Millie Bobby Brown as our heroine (who, as we are reminded in the opening narration, is not the classic damsel). The direction is top notch, the soundtrack is atmospheric, the visuals are stunning, and both the set and costume design are flawless.
Unfortunately, a movie can only be as good as the story it tells, and that is where 'Damsel' falls flat. The premise makes, simply put, absolutely no sense. Even ignoring that, the movie relies on Deus Ex Machina after Deus Ex Machina to let the protagonist survive her terrible ordeal, absolutely no one has any lick of common sense, and the screenwriters clearly were not overly familiar with the concept of logic.
That being said, 'Damsel' is still a fun and entertaining movie; you just have to turn off your brains to watch it. There is the movie 'The Princess' (2022), which also follows the "princess bride turns out to be a kick-ass warrior" plot line, but that one knows not to take itself seriously at all. Netflix should've taken a cue from Hulu for once.
One last note because apparently now we need to do these things: while 'Damsel' certainly has a feminist and diversity slant, I (as a straight white guy) did not find this in any way excessive or absurd. Sure, the protagonist is a strong female. I don't think you get to complain about this part when watching a movie that literally has a sword-wielding woman on the cover. If the protagonist had been a weak female, she would've died after five minutes, and that would've been a rather poor movie, wouldn't it?
Baby Driver (2017)
Genuinely unique
It's got action, it's got love, it's good music. The direction is fantastic. The dialogues are surprisingly great, considering how much of the movie is music-only. The characters are interesting and likeable, and the actors portray them faithfully.
'Baby Driver' is a gangster movie and a car chase movie and a music movie. It has bad people that turn (reasonably) good, and (reasonably) good people that turn bad. It does all the cool things that every screenwriter and director has tried and failed to accomplish. It has the dumb romance that's actually quite heartfelt, and the heartfelt romance that's actually quite dumb.
Most of all, it's a unique movie. It's entertaining and enjoyable, light-hearted without becoming trivial. I liked 'Baby Driver' a lot, and I can't think of many people that wouldn't enjoy it.
The Babysitter (2017)
What is this?
'The Babysitter' tries to do the impossible: combining a slasher black comedy with a tween movie. And... it does not succeed.
The movie follows twelve-year-old Cole (Judah Lewis), who is the generic nerdy kid that gets bullied at school and is almost perpetually scared. The only one who really gets him is his babysitter Bee (Samara Weaving), who is essentially every nerd's generic dream woman. When Cole stays up late to figure out what Bee does late at night, he instead uncovers her dark secret...
What proceeds from this premise is basically a generic slasher movie with many comedic elements. Thing is, most adults won't enjoy it because the movie is really made for tweens. Yet kids shouldn't watch it because it's as violent as graphic as most slasher movies. So... for whom was this movie made? I sure don't know.
Mediocre story and confused target audience aside, the movie is pretty good. Samara Weaving does a great job portraying both the nerdy yet cool hot blonde and the badass satanist bad guy. The special effects are solid as can be for a slasher movie. Everything works pretty well.
Nevertheless, I felt like I just wasted ninety minutes of my life. There are better horror comedies, better slasher movies, and probably much better tween movies, too. Combining the three just doesn't make much sense.
Wednesday (2022)
Fantastic show for teens
'Wednesday' follows Wednesday Addams as she is sent to magical boarding school for "outcasts" like vampires, werewolves, or sirens. She is quickly embroiled in a series of grisly murders, attempts on her life, and a prophecy that may spell doom for her boarding school.
As the premise suggests, this is very much a show for teenagers: the protagonist and her compatriots are teens, they attend a reasonably generic version of Hogwarts, the adults and authority figures are either incompetent and/or corrupt, and parents are obstacles to overcome. If one keeps this in mind, the show is enjoyable for adults as well; its overall tone as well as the somewhat graphic blood and violence make 'Wednesday' unsuitable for a younger audience.
There are many things about the show to like. Its tone and atmosphere are flawless, underscored by a brilliantly fitting soundtrack that contains the occasional thematic arrangement of songs like 'Paint It Black' or 'Nothing Else Matters'. The dialogues are dry and witty, reminding me quite a lot of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. The acting is superb, especially that of Jenna Ortega as our titular protagonist. The characters are consistent and likeable, and the pacing excellent. There isn't a single bad episode but also none that I would consider particularly stellar, as used to be the case for TV shows back in the day.
'Wednesday' is slightly bogged down by teenage drama that doesn't want to quite fit its supernatural cast. Nevertheless, I found it quite fun how Wednesday, as a somewhat unreliable narrator, consistently thought of herself as the pinnacle of cleverness, whereas all the other characters are increasingly exasperated and annoyed by her aloof and antisocial behaviour.
The weakest part of the show is easily the CGI, which delivered a monster that looked like a particularly ugly Gollum; thankfully, the majority of the special effects (including 'the Thing', a sentient amputated hand) are not computer-generated.
In total, I greatly enjoyed the show and hope that they can keep up the quality for future seasons. We'll see how convincingly teenage the actors remain as they move from early to late twenties... But I, for one, am greatly looking forward to the already announced Season Two!