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Red Sparrow (2018)
In One Word: Dismal
I am Russian, but I am not a pro-war crazed person, a sofa warrior like I call such aggressive dudes. I like fine US movies, those with twisted plots and great actors. Think of Three Days Of The Condor - this is it. Here, we are treated with an awful parody of "Soviet" life, fake story, ridiculous training school scenes, terrible depiction of Soviet routine, life, habits and likes. Russia was not like this in those times, believe me. And surely such schools like shown in the movie never existed, and what we see is a terribly dark color scheme, tasteless erotics, wrong tempo, false acting and foolish ending. JenLaw bearing the same face expressions looks awful. Jereme Irons looks bored. American actors faking Russians look just silly and funny. I was fully in laughter and disbelief. What a horrid piece of manure. Wrong depiction of my country, total lack of understanding and very shallow moral here. Poor plot and rather draggy tempo. Waste, waste of celluloid and money.
Avois this travesty at all costs, forget this silly film. JenLaw must think way more carefully while choosing films. This one never helped her.
Speaking in a fake Russian accent - Dis film is no troo and give oos noffin to like, pluuus JenLaw do not look sexy when she noood.
Civil War (2024)
Incredible, Terrifying And Unsettling Masterpiece
Guys, do not buy this drift that Civil War by Mr. Garland is boring or wasted. Far from this, and here are several reasons why.
First of all, this ain't about Civil War proper, although it does play a significant role as the main trigger and driving force, the movie is about staying human and remaining people even in the midst of carnage, misery, sadness, blood, deaths, explosions, shootings, whizzing bullets and pals dying.
Second, this movie is not essentially about the USA - in fact, such tragedy can happen to any country, and what is vital in the film, it depicts the war as a real, tangible, palpable, breathing Hell.
Then, there are several very important messages in this movie - passing the Torch, passing the spiritual baton on to younger generation who will go on after this hell is over. Then, being people in no matter what terrible situation happening around. Then, being professionals and doing their jobs when it all seems futile or lost.
The Civil War is not about politics, it is NOT importand why the conflict started or which political party The POTUS can be, it is about how to salvage evil and keep one's humane side even in the fire of tormenting.
Kirsten, Wagner, Cailee and Stephen do a tremendous job, Mrs. Dunst is especially huge here with her clear look of sickness and tiredness, emptiness at the loss and grief at the sight of pain and murder. She embodies this feeling of sadness and exhaustion so well, we want to weep.
The whole cast is excellent, just stop and think a minute about awesome and uneasy scene with militia radicals, the very soft tone of the talk with all its sudden outbursts makes it blood-chilling.
Battle scenes are not the main thing here but when there are, they are tremendous, you are right there and you feel a huge terror and a very sheer sense of panic. That is the essense of war - terror and hellish awfulness.
Then there is another outstanding element here - music. These songs which are so effective and so efficient to this very setting or scene. Lovefingers by Silver Apples must be the absolute win / win in all cases. Music is so persuasive and so deep, it leaves no hesitation or doubt - it serves the aim perfectly.
Having said it all, I would add that the movie immersed me totally, engulfed, charmed, shocked, turned and twirled, tossed and stirred - this is a gut-wrenching experience with not a millisecond lost or a frame wasted.
Awesome movie, clearly a great warning to all of us -if such war happens, it is never nice or exciting, it all is bloody and filthy.
My sincere plea to all who's going to watch this movie - get it right and get along its very true wave.
My verdict - Best Movie of 2024, 100 out of 100. Here it is 10. Top notch.
Bridget Jones's Baby (2016)
Slight Improvement
The first movie is now a classic, truly so - Renee, Colin and Hugh made a tremendous festival of laugh and joy there.
The second film was much worse, so embarrassing at times, so unfunny, and so repetitive with the same trite formulas and cliche.
OK, now the third part comes - very uneven, very shaky and really way too overblown at times.
I am in between two minds - I likes certain scenes where I was rolling bon the floor with laughters, and then there were strange, insipid, helpless weak moments that left me in total shock.
Patrick Dempsey isa nice addition to the plot, but he seemes not so convincing, and what is really sad - Mr. Firth looks openly bored with his part.
Renee is OK, but I will not explain (we all know) why I am not impressed with her play.
Some very weird British humor looks flat on my ears, some jokes fall thudding, some plot ideas are simply unrealistic and banal to the yawn.
The third part is better then the 2nd for sure, but it still fell miles away from the first masterpiece.
Funny indeed, but also vulgar wat too often.
Can be seen for sure, but will not live long. I guess, the new 4th part may get even worse, who knows???
The Substance (2024)
Cringeworthy Schlock
Okay, where shall I start? I like both Demi Moore and a very sexy Margaret Qualley, and also Dennis Quaid seems to be a very decent actor in his own right. The premises of the movie also sounds promising.
Sure, and then you start watching this... er... schlock and you understand that you don't understand.
There are nymerous plot holes which I am going to describe here to avoid spoilers, that I started to ask myself - why?
The turns of the plot also seem to appear out of nowhere and what is worse, all the characters lack both charisma, depth, humor, credibility or cleverness. They do what they do and there is NO solid ground why they do it.
The whole film looks as if it was made and conceived by a young teen who is preoccupied with nudity and some pseudo-scientific ideas.
I am sorry, who is that voice on the phone, why is that there is? There are unanswered questions, and not because the writers wanted us to guess and percieve but because they did not understand themselves! Truly so. There's no any substance (pun intended) to the basic premise, as well as huge plot hole in two heroes actions, as well as in the totally unredeeming final that leaves us all scratching our heads and puking.
Yup, the movie is way too disgusting for no reason at all. Way too sick and way too illogical.
The very last 30 minutes are a real carnival of poorest taste, huge plot errors and wrong decisions.
I watched and thought, why.
The filmmakers really wanted to look smart and wise, instead, they left a mess and ahuge pool of unnecessary vomit of silly ideas. Vomit for sure...
Believe me, this movie is THAT bad - overlong, overblown, overwrought and overtly insipid, vapid, languid, empty mess.
Rating --- ZERO, but alas, no zero here, so One as a must be.
Longlegs (2024)
Good But Very Uneven
There are very strong and also very weak elements in this movie. That is why Longlegs is extremely uneven and at times, painfully wrong, askew or even lop-sided. Then, it is sheerly brilliant and strong and right to the point.
Maika and Nicolas do very good jobs, they both deliver their parts with a deep and menacing gusto. Maika is so strangely fragile and so deeply weird that we feel some awkawrd liking even to her wrongfullness.
Nicolas is excellent in his maniac-frenzied delivery, very correct and just as it must be - all over the top and wild.
What makes it poor, the movie, is a very lazy tempo, so soggy and ploddish that one almost falls asleep.
What makes it truly brilliant, is the tremendous color scheme, so mild, lush, brown-sepia-candy-milky-snowy pellette. The sound mastering is awesome, too - all these thudding, echoing, tastily rattling and screeching sounds make it endearingly looming and desolate.
This and then a very simple plot add to a general feeling of being slightly betryed but hey, the plot has enough of strange elements still.
I would say, not a masterpiece, but also not a flop. Rather debatable swing.
12 Years a Slave (2013)
Incredible Masterpiece
What a glorious movie! Excellent, stark, ruthless, brave and honest portrayal of a terrible horrid event names slavery. This was a deep shame, a dark stain in US history. And the movie boldly goes where some filmmakers would never dare to try.
But here there is a sheer masterpiece showing a sweaty, heated, painful, miserable lives of Black slaves in Lousisana or any state whatsoever.
The cast is so admirably strong that we never doubt the sheer pain of this bleak survival in the hell of imprisonment.
Chiwetel Ejiofor is a true star here, he is honest, open, true and weak like we all are, and that helps us feel the real acute pain of his life in the fields.
Great example of a movie that must be shown to all people who ever dare say anything about other races with contempt.
Highly recommended.
Midnight in Paris (2011)
Incredible
Mind you, I am not a Woody Allen fan, never was. But this elegant movie grabbed my attention instantly and got me hooked, as one of the heroes says there - Hooked.
Great casting ensemble is impeccable, and elegant camera work zooms tirelessly via the scenes, making us totally immersed and curios of what is going to happen next.
Excellent plot, great twists, humor, irony, deep foray into human psyche, awesome understanding of human feeble sides and braggart sides, marvelous color scheme and above all, warm sympathy to main hero, Gil Pender, is a decent mixture of all the correct parts that make a glorious whole. This is a very very good movie with a very satisfying ending and excellent pacing, with not a second wasted.
Anna (2019)
Absolute Horrid Pile Of Manure
Luc Besson once made a resounding masterpiece named Fifth Element, then he was more or less Okat with Valerian, but here... er. OK, I am sorry. I am Russian and I know what USSR looked like in 1985 and in 1990. When the very first scene shows The Red Square with churches that appeared there in 1999-00's, and that is presumed to be 1985, I laughed. When they showed modern cars there, that was ridiculous. When they mentioned Saint Petersburg which was yet to come later than 1990, I shouted with roaring laughter.
Okay, factual errors, but maybe the main hero was a winner? Nope, Sasha Luss is a wooden, dead, leaden, frozen, shallow one. Okay, she is tall, slim and very beautiful. But models do not necessarily make good actors.
Then, other stars play so badly that I cringed. Cillian, Luke, Helen - come on! Awful. Or, in a fake Russian accent - ooo-fuhl.
When USB stick and laptops apperard onscreen, it was it. The needless senseless pile of crap and dung and manure.
Silly, bland, empty and useless dung.
Shade (2003)
Surprisingly Good
I never heard of this movie and came across by chance. And man, was I surprised. I was, and in a good way. Shade is a very fresh and well-done film with a great casting and excellent plot twists. I really enjoyed the well-paced tempo and great changes in plot, making the watching a really good time.
Do not expect huge masterpiece but instead glide along a very entertaining story with excellent crescendo and cool denouement.
The actors are so good and efficient in their casual approach that it makes a huge pleasure to peruse.
Very nice and elegant setting adds a lot, as well as cool music and smooth delivery.
Good effort.
Movie 43 (2013)
Tasteless Reprehensible Trash
What was the shortest review ever written? Remember? SHT - just like that. One word, about a band I liked in fact. Anyway, short and to many listeners, to the tee.
To me, Movie 43 is such an example of tasteless mess, from A to Z it is vulgar, lowered down to the most possible level of juvenile tennage night camp laughs. It is acne-ridden, teenage boy-driven, abominable mess of low taste beyond any excuse.
No excuse can be given here. No "Listen, you just do not get the fun" moments. Here is no fun whatsoever here. Just a shameful, embarrassing display of silly vulgarities of a cringeworthy moments that are pain to watch and no fun to embrace. They are just bad in smell, look, taste and idea. No. SHT.
So Undercover (2012)
Much Better Than What Critics Said
Put angry critics aside. This is a fun little movie, easy, light, brisk, fast, funny and very honest. Miley does a great job and in fact, she is very good here as an undercover FBI agent in a sorority. She is no Sandra Bullock, but come on, she does not attampt to be the one.
The portrayal of sorority types is very clever and hilarious, I really enjoyed the silliness and shallowness of many of them depicted right and well.
The detective line is very clever, too, and the real baddie is a huge surprise here, so the whole plot unwinds well and the final makes it great and cool and fun to watch.
Do not expect real depths here, just relax and enjoy and let it go smooth and nice.
Nerve (2016)
Not Perfect But Cool
Emma Roberts is such a beauty here, she is slim, tall, long-legged and cool. She is deep and decent actress, too. Vee, her character, is a brave and daring girls doing things that are often so dangerous or risky that one must hold their breath watching it.
Nerve is a great example of a film showing real threat of video chats or games, real idiocy of dares and real shallowness of people playing them.
It depicts very cleverly that internet can become a true danger zone, a true threat amd not a mere playground.
Good cast and fast tempo help to build up a tension and create a real unsafe and unhealthy vide that surrounds main heroes.
Not a perfect movie, sure, but goes fast and gives a smart answer to many burning questions.
Svidetel (2023)
Worst Example Of War Propaganda
This abomination must be given a rating of 0(zero), or just in case of such awful poorly made flicks, this is to be awarded even -100 (minus hundred).
This is so poor, so foolishly shallow, badly executed, so lop-sided and so biased. This is a shameful example of Putin's propagda that does not deserve to be watched bit only mocked at, ridiculed, traduced and then discarded for ever.
War cannot be excused and no film ever would serve as any sorry attempt of war crimes.
This flick will be forgotten, it already is a huge flop even in Russia, and such films must be shown to criminals as examples of terrible horrid propaganda efforts to whiten a black wolf.
Watch it at your own will, but remember, this is a lie, black and blatant fascist lie at its worst with all the traces of poor plot, awful script, bad actors and terrible dialog.
Greenland (2020)
Extremely Cliche-Ridden Predictability-Fest
Why are all disaster movies so similar? Why is there always a sick kid? For us abroad it seems that All American kids are sick and need either a pomp or some strong painkiller.
Then, why are these kids so notorious and always making trouble?
Why are main heroes always need to suffer through an endless ordeal instead of just of doing a right thing and flying to a destination point in time?
There are all these and numerous laughable predictable moments that we have seen time and again.
Gerard and Moreena try their best but with such silly script it is hard to make any sense.
The overlong stroy is only to prolong needless misadventures of the main heroes to make it big and long and silly.
Waste of time.
Machete (2010)
Beyond All Limits Of Poor Taste
I understand that some people try to persuade us not to take this flick seriously and watch it as some fun.
It won't do. Even as fun, this awful ploddy film is simply beyond any limits of taste. This is so bad it is not good, it is that bad. All roles are laughable efforts to put on a poker face where a roaring laughter would be best. Openly tasteless, simply silly, utterly idiotic, this film is a fest of gore, stupidity and plain poor acting.
The faces they pull are worse than my niece when she was 5 and she was monkey-playing near a mirror.
I watched it, trying to get a single good thing. It ain't here, folks. It is just shallow, vapid, bland idiocy.
Danny, Jessica, Steven, Michelle - are they any good here? No, never. I feel they felt shame while doing this fallacy of a film.
Hansan: Yongui chulhyeon (2022)
Excellent South Korean War Epic
My wife turned me to South Korea movies, but while she loves doramas, I am very much into war epics, as I like good war films. I watched all the Korean Civil War mvoies, but this time it is a history piece and a great one!
Epic war movie about 16th century battle in the open sea between Choson Empire and Japanese Empire. It could easily be just another war effort with little sense, but what makes this film a real good try is a very deep and decent portrayal of several main heroes with their inner and outer weaknesses, fears and struggles.
There are no super heroes here, no one flies in the air or breaks walls, nay. Here, real people fight and die either valliantly or cowardly.
Both Japanese and Koreans are depicted like real flesh and blood, sweating and bleeding, afraid or brave.
Final Hansan naval battle is a sheer eye candy but the horrors of war are here, too. People die, ships sink, mistakes are made by both sides during the battle.
The CGI are excellent here, but they are not the main It, the It-thing gere is the human struggle, the huge battle between two great admirals and their wills. This is played so weel and so decently that little doubt remains.
I recommend this tremendous epic film to all history buffs.
My Week with Marilyn (2011)
Hmmm, Quite An Uneven Result
I bumped into this movie almost by accident and decided to try it. After all, Michelle, Eddie, Kenneth, Emma, and all other are excellent and deep decent performers, aren't they. I must admit I am never into Marilyn and her life, sorry, she always left me cold and indifferent. Anyway, a biopic is a very good genre that I love. At the same time, as we see it numerous times, a biopic can be quite a disaster, as it was with ones of Hendrix, Elton John, Queen, Doors, among all. Well, Nixon was great albeit with some flaws.
Back to business. This film tries hard, but...
Is Michelle any good? Well, I'd say, no. She seems to be so one-dimensional, so flat and bland at times, that I believe a real Monroe was far from that.
Is Eddie any good? Hmm, he is lame, mumbling and so unispiring that one can marvel how such a humble person got into such high tiers of cinema.
Is
Is Emma any good? She is OK but her role is small to show better width.
Is Kenneth any good? He seems to be good but rather repetitive in his ways.
Is Judy any good? Oh yes, old school. She is warm and awesome.
Is Julia any good? Too little screen time, hard to tell.
All in all, a very much of a curate's egg - good and bad, sleek and meek, slim and witty. Generally, uneven.
Barbie (2023)
Awesome
Leave all the bile and criticism aside - Barbie is an excellent shiny movie with tons of wit and wisdom. Margot, Ryan and all other do their great jobs, but my personal Big Thumbs Up goes to America Ferrera who is such a pleasure to watch and her performance alone deserves a huge appraisal and all the best reviews as she adds a certain pinch of earthly delight to the story and gives a splendid commentary to the plastic world of dolls.
I do certainly recommend this great film and set all the anger of some critics aside - they simply did not get it.
The perfect witty picture of feminism and struggles provides a sheer pleasurable time to watch and enjoy.
Expend4bles (2023)
Better Than The 3rd part, Worse Than Other Two
I mean, come on, are you serious? Expendables with almost no Sly involvement? Statham is OK, but not more than that. 50 Cent? Bland and colorless. Megan Fox? Mannerisms and silly grimace. Other two new guys? Nothing. Terry...wait - he is not even here.
Randy? Alright, as well as Dolph, but not enough of both. Too little time for them, pity.
Result? An okay action movie, with a very weak baddie and a very weak plot. And sure, CGI are incredibly...incredibly awful. So bad thay are just cringeworthy.
The anchor scene is just one huge J-O-K-E. I mean, I am far from nauticals, but hey, it is way too silly.
Let's be fair - this flick is even better than the third one which was a shame. But a far far cry from the first two.
Watch it and go, forget it and delete it. It deserves the oblivion.
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
Awfully Poor
I wanted to write a larhe review, making many details, but then I thought - why? Does this awful movie deserve it? Nope.
Let me be short, to fulfil the amount of words and to say the main gist of what I want:
1. No humor. That is why this movie is so awful.
2. Repetitions - we saw it all in previous parts. So, why bother?
3. No depth - so, all the characters are one-dimensional and shallow.
4. No sympathy to any hero - so, the demise of some of them make us vapid and indifferent.
5. No plot - so, the whole idea is just a joke.
6. No control - so, this even First part drags on forever.
7. No sense - so, this part is just a huge waste of time.
Tom Cruise must stop this for ever. Pity this part makes the whole franchise sour and spoiled. I am very dissapointed. Could've been great but now - nope.
Bland and silly.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Tedious Mess
What seems to be a great plot on paper was made into a two-hour plodding tedious mess with no real jumps, twists or turns. Instead, it goes slowly, barely making any evolution, making a miseable plop and no essence.
Julia, Ethan, Kevin all seem to be lost in dire mire with no real spark of inspiration. The movie goes so badly and so painfully slowly that all scare is lost altogether.
Anyway, even the resolution is so threadbare and vapid, that it tastes tasteless. A bold effort that brings no fruit or yields no ripe juice, just a yawning shock.
Real, that is so bad and boring, so do not even try to catch any meaning behinf that sloppy soap.
365 dni (2020)
Zero For This Abominable Horror
I like good Polish movies. I like serious Polish war dramas. But I cannot and will not in any way try in my sound mind to protect this piece of manure, which falls on several wrong plates - it romanticizes what cannot be so, it is flat, it acts poorly, the casting is awful, the tempo is all wrong-set, the main idea is as if scribbled by a teenage sex-hungry idiots who never saw real life... shall I go on?
This is a poor man's version of awful 50 Shades, and what can be achieved if you take a terrible movie and make it even worse?
You get this 365 Dni abomination that cracks and sizzles and fizzles and hisses and is torn at seams. Main actors act so bland that I can do it better...
Erotic? Nay - all the wrong angles, sounds, cliches and laughable ideas are used here to no success.
I used to teach a female teen who was in awe with 50 Shades, I guess she will puke at this flick.
Never bother - it is a crime and a waste.
Memphis Belle (1990)
Pretty Uneven But Still Rather Nice
I can't believe I never heard of this WWII movie before but now I have finally gotten a chance to watch this movie. Memphis Belle is a pretty uneven movie, it has a grandeur and basics of a very epic film but then it gets strangely short and therefore it leaves many gaps unfilled and many hopes unfulfilled.
Mind you, as I usually say, the cast is excellent and Stolz, Modine, Austin, Lithgow as well as Zane do a marvelous job here, they deliver very decent amount of reality, with Sweeney adding agreat amount of weakness which adds to a endearing truthfulness.
Then, there is a very cool realism of war scenes, dogfights and chilling brutality of swift death and its merciless outcome.
It makes the whole thing very very scary and then add sa huge dose of hope.
Then, sadly, there are weaker dalog lines and emptier moments as well as some cold touched that prevent from feeling more about the crew of a plane. Pity, a deeper look would have been a better sentiment that we could've felt.
All in all, this is a very hearty effort and it leaves much more of a better feel than that of sour. Which is great.
The Bunker (1981)
Ah, No
Mind you, folks, Anthony Hopkins is a genius and he can deliver any role. He is a tremendous Adolf Hitler here, with his serious and very successful attempt to portray this despicable monster as a more human being, and man, does he deliver! He does, indeed.
Apart from that, the rest seems to be a atal flaw - the whole cast seems to be a dnagling tag to the part of Hopkins - actors play flatly, very languidly and very lazily. They seem so funnily offbeat and with their haircuts so out of place and time that nothing can persuade us to watch it seriously.
The very tempo is a huge flaw here as well as the sheer tonality of speeches and the whole array of bloops.
The most fatal drawback is that the movie does not give us anything new. Here in Russia we had a huge epic movie series about WWII calles The Liberation where the great late Fritz Ditz plays a part of Hitler so well that we could not see anybody...till The Untergang came and gave us Bruno ganz.
Sorry, Mr. Lector, er, Hopkins, but Ganz did it better, much much better.
Scream VI (2023)
I Thought Hard What Score To Give To This Movie - I Give It Two. Pretty Bad
Mind you, guys, I do love Scream franchise. I enjoy re-watching all 4 classical parts, with all four being my favorite and not one being the best. All are good. Then, the 5th part - well, it is a bit unusual and at many angles debatable, but still, I like it a lot, too, as it was a real pleasure to see all veterans in action, albeit with some sad losses, too.
Then, the 6th part has come. I have watched it very thoughtfully and with all my untmost attention, getting all the hints, links, flashbacks and all. Did it succeed? With all my heavy heart, I must admit that I did not.
New stars - Jenna and Melissa - do a fine job, sure, as well as other younger guys and gals, with Jasmin being probably the most endearing, she is somewhat a link to the previous geeks in older parts.
Courteney? Let's face it, eople, her part is so small that it does not add much flavor.
But the worst two insults come with a very poor script and very poor villain choices. I will not reveal plot details, sure, only say the villain part is by far the weakest here. As well as the pacing, sheer brutality without any sense, as well as lack of any sympathy to the lost.
Several plot holes and obvious laughable ideas only make matters worse, to a larger scale. And the very unreality of several wounds and injuries add to the weak broth, making the whole item inedible to say the least.
C'mon,l men, make it a bit more realistic - I mean, no plot revela here, but a slight hint - sometimes with wounds like these... nay, hard to grasp and chew.
My verdict - by far, this is the worst part, and I do pray they will never do another one... even with Neve. Neve may save it, but even now not for sure - given the weak plot or something.