S3.E14

The Rand Report

Episode aired Jan 20, 1977
TV-PG
30m

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Max Gail and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975)

Wojo quits the force rather than return to uniformed patrol one week per month.Wojo quits the force rather than return to uniformed patrol one week per month.Wojo quits the force rather than return to uniformed patrol one week per month.

See production info at IMDbPro

IMDb RATING

7.6/10

124

YOUR RATING

1User review

See production info at IMDbPro

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Storyline

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Trivia
This was the first of only two episodes in which all of the series' eight principal cast members (Hal Linden, Max Gail, Abe Vigoda, Ron Glass, Steve Landesberg, Jack Soo, Ron Carey and James Gregory) appeared; the second was Good-Bye, Mr. Fish: Part 2 (1977).

Goofs
Wojciehowicz is a Detective 3rd grade. He would be issued a Detective's gold shield with a sunburst pattern. That shield would be worn when the Detective is in uniform, but Wojciehowicz is seen wearing a Police Officer's silver shield when in uniform. Whether in uniform or not, the Detective's rank doesn't change.

Quotes
Det. Ron Harris: Man... Man... Man did you read this? Did you read the latest issue of Newsweek ?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: No, was I suppose to ?
Det. Ron Harris: Hey Barn, did you... read this report from the RAND Corporation for the Law Enforcement Assistance Administration ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Oh yeah, I know this report
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: What's it say ?
Det. Ron Harris: It says that uniform cops do all the work and the Detectives are a waste of money .
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Your kidding
Capt. Barney Miller: Everyone is entitled to their opinion
Det. Ron Harris: Yeah, the last time they had an opinion they laid off 3,000 cops .
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Whose this RAND Corporation ?
Det. Ron Harris: It's a company, that don't make nothing
Capt. Barney Miller: It's called a "think tank" ?
Det. Ron Harris: Ah, a bunch of guys, they lay on a beach out there in California, thinking about something and then they write a report and make a million dollars
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Sounds like a perfect dream
Capt. Barney Miller: "Detectives spend an inordinate time polishing their image"
Det. Ron Harris: Huh, Do you believe that ?
Capt. Barney Miller: "They spend almost as much time shuffling paper as they do cracking cases."... Here..."If Detectives, who are the elite members of the police force don't solve most of the crimes, who does ?"
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Oh yeah, I'd like to know, who does ?
Capt. Barney Miller: "Principally, the much maligned cop on the beat"
Det. Ron Harris: Oh man, who ever maligned the cop on the beat
Officer Carl Levitt: Good Morning, Detectives
Det. Ron Harris: Without good cause

User reviews1

Review

Featured review

10/10

"Another day, another collar"

"The Rand Report" finds the entire precinct rattled by a worthless report in Newsweek, forcing 3rd grade detectives to spend one week a month on uniformed patrol. Wojo balks at taking a step back from detective and threatens to quit, while Levitt can't wait for him to work downstairs for a change. Inspector Luger dismisses the report, written in Hollywood by a 'bunch of tutti fruttis' (all except for 'Duke' John Wayne). Fish is assigned to a nursing home to learn who's been stealing from them, only to find that the lonely old folks are actually stealing from each other (Fish: "they got my wallet!"). Barney tries to ease the pain by admitting that "Father Time is creeping up on all of us" (Fish: "doesn't he know we carry guns?"). Martin Garner (second of five) plays Steven Himmel, whose wife Georgia (Anna Berger, first of two) chased after a purse snatcher (John William Evans), winding up stuck between floors in an elevator. When Himmel displays his alarm that she's in danger of being raped, Luger has only words of compassion: "well keep it to yourself, don't go yellin' that filthy stuff around here!" Himmel: "I told her to kill herself if she couldn't stop him!" Luger: "that's the spirit Himmel!" Himmel: "death before dishonor!" Luger: "yeah there, keep the faith!" Working from desk to desk, Dietrich too offers a little friendly advice, that rapists are only satisfied if everything is mapped out in advance, "unless he's impulsive!" Himmel confides in Nick: "listen to me carefully, don't ever marry a sex goddess!" Yemana: "I'll remember that!" Our first look at the intoxicating Georgia Himmel is that of a woman in her 50s, successfully keeping a little mystery in her marriage. Time spent together in a tiny elevator had the two on a first name basis, the crook mortified at the thought that he might be accused of rape: "she's old enough to be my mother, whaddaya think I am, some kind of degenerate?" Harris: "I think you're a common ordinary thief!" ("hey thanks man, I really appreciate it!"). Martin Garner and Anna Berger played a different couple in a final season episode, "Advancement."