Nick Frost credited as playing...
PC Danny Butterman
- Danny Butterman: Where's the trolley boy?
- Nicholas Angel: In the freezer.
- Danny Butterman: Did you say "cool off?"
- Nicholas Angel: No I didn't say anything...
- Danny Butterman: Shame.
- Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said "play time's over" and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.
- Danny Butterman: You're off the fuckin' chain!
- Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
- Nicholas Angel: Officer.
- Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman-officer?
- Nicholas Angel: I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer... apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog. It all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake - arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.
- Danny Butterman: He sounds like a good bloke.
- Nicholas Angel: Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.
- Danny Butterman: What a cunt...
- Nicholas Angel: Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel of that pedal car. I had to prove to myself that the Law could be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.
- Danny Butterman: Shame...
- Nicholas Angel: How so?
- Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...
- Danny Butterman: Point Break or Bad Boys II?
- Nicholas Angel: Which one do you think I'll prefer?
- Danny Butterman: No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?
- [after supposedly stabbing Sgt. Angel, Danny is waving a sachet of tomato ketchup]
- Danny Butterman: Ta-daaa!
- Nicholas Angel: Danny, this is murder.
- Danny Butterman: It's not murder, it's ketchup.
- Nicholas Angel: It's Frank! He's appointed himself Judge, Jury and Executioner.
- Danny Butterman: [agitated and defensive] He's not Judge Judy, an Executioner.
- [Danny and Nicholas have just watched 'Point Break']
- Danny Butterman: What do you think?
- Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fueled thrill ride. But there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.
- Danny Butterman: That is nothing man, this is about to go off!
- Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
- DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples 'round here, don't we?
- Danny Butterman: Your dad sells apples, Andy.
- DS Andy Cartwright: And raspberries.
- [looking at a suspicious-looking passerby]
- Nicholas Angel: All right, what about this guy? Ask yourself, why has he got his hat pulled down like that?
- Danny Butterman: He's fuck-ugly.
- Nicholas Angel: Or, he doesn't want you to see his face.
- Danny Butterman: 'Cause he's fuck-ugly.
- Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
- Nicholas Angel: No.
- Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
- Nicholas Angel: No.
- Danny Butterman: Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?
- Nicholas Angel: Yes, I have.
- Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?
- Nicholas Angel: No!
- Inspector Frank Butterman: I suppose you're wondering why we call them the "Andies"?
- Nicholas Angel: They're both called Andrew?
- Inspector Frank Butterman: [delighted] They said you were good!
- Danny Butterman: Also because talking to them is an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?
- [Danny gets hit on the head with a wastepaper basket]
- Danny Butterman: Fuck off!
- Inspector Frank Butterman: Thank you, Danny.
- Danny Butterman: What about... 'Lethal Weapon'?
- Nicholas Angel: No.
- Danny Butterman: You've seen 'Die Hard', though?
- Nicholas Angel: No.
- Danny Butterman: 'Bad Boys II'?
- Nicholas Angel: No.
- Danny Butterman: You ain't seen 'Bad Boys II'?
- [Nicholas is giving a talk to a group of school children]
- Nicholas Angel: Are there any questions?
- [Danny is sitting at the back of a group]
- Danny Butterman: Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?
- Danny Butterman: [about PC Doris Thatcher] She's our only policewoman.
- Nicholas Angel: She's not a policewoman.
- Danny Butterman: [whispers] Yes, she is, I've seen her bra.
- Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
- Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life
- Danny Butterman: [nodding] What's the second most painful?
- [Sergeant Angel has told Danny Butterman that Official Vocabulary no longer refers to car crashes as accidents: They are now called collisions]
- Danny Butterman: Hey, why can't we say "accident," again?
- Nicholas Angel: Because "accident" implies there's nobody to blame.