Hating Alison Ashley (2005)
Saskia Burmeister: Erica Yurken
Quotes
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Mum : Erc, just remember: your family's who you are
Erica Yurken : I hope not. I've got one sister who think's she's a horse, another, who's got a black belt in being a bitch, and bloddy Marley who's still mowing crop circles in the front lawn.
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Barry Hollis : [Barry has just caught Erica spying on him and Alison. Erica spits the dirt in her mouth] Yurken, what are you doing here?
Erica Yurken : [on the floor, covered in dirt and flowers] I'm gonna sue you!
[Erica spits]
Erica Yurken : I was just... innocently... walking... up... your driveway, when this... wheelie bin just shot out in front of me... which was unsecured!
Alison Ashley : Were you spying on us?
Erica Yurken : [pointing her finger at Alison, warning her] How dare you! How *dare* you! No! No! The only reason I came, was to give you...
[reaches into her bag and gets Alison's camp form]
Erica Yurken : your stupid form... which...
[Erica spits]
Erica Yurken : you dropped at school!
Alison's mother : [from upstairs, woken up from all the racket outside. Barry flees as he hears Alison's mum yelling from upstairs] Alison? What on Earth is going on up there?
Alison Ashley : [to her mum] Um, nothing. The bin just... fell over. I'll clean it up.
Alison's mother : [from upstairs, yelling] Then who the hell is that screaming and crashing about?
Alison Ashley : It's nobody. Just get back to sleep. You got work tonight.
Erica Yurken : Nobody huh? Thanks a lot.
Alison Ashley : I didn't mean it like that.
Erica Yurken : No, I know what you mean. What I don't know is why I'd bother.
[handing Alison her form]
Erica Yurken : Here.
-
Miss Belmont : Erica, I know I can rely on you to show Alison around.
Erica Yurken : Sure, Miss Belmont!
Barry : Yeah, I'll come too. After Erica gives you the freak-show; I'll show you the good stuff.
Erica Yurken : [introduces Alison to Barry] Alison, this is Barry Hollis, my stalker.
Barry : Yeah, you wish Yurken!
-
Jedda Yurken : [calling from a distance] Mum!
[scene cuts to the kitchen]
Jedda Yurken : [wailing] Barry Hollis teased me!
Mum : [rolling her eyes in rage] Barry Hollis!
Jedda Yurken : [wailing and holding her ripped horse costume] He tore off my tail!
Mum : [to Erica, thinking it was her fault] She's eight years old! How *dare* you leave her alone!
[hugging Jedda while yelling at Erica]
Mum : I will kill you if you abandon her again!
Erica Yurken : What was I supposed to do? She was eating someone's nature strip; blade by blade!
Valjoy Yurken : [to Mum] Uh, that's true, Mum. Jedda's a freak. You really can't blame Yuk for that.
Erica Yurken : [with her mouth full] Thanks, Valjoy! I'm glad someone...
Valjoy Yurken : [slamming Erica against the wall, holding up her almost-empty bottle of perfume] *This*, on the other hand, is a reason to strangle the slimy little snitch!
[holding up the almost empty bottle]
Valjoy Yurken : You see that? I made a special mark on there, and look! Some's missing.
[strangling Erica, holding her close to the wall]
Valjoy Yurken : You thieving piece of scum!
Mum : [to Valjoy] Valjoy, let your sister go and wait your bloody turn! I haven't finished with her!
[leaves the house and checks the door]
Erica Yurken : [to Mum] No mum, don't go!
Valjoy Yurken : [to Erica] Say goodnight, Yuk-Yuk!
Mum : [to Valjoy, from the distance, seeing her friend at the door] Valjoy! It's Scum!
Valjoy Yurken : [picking up Erica and slamming her against the wall] You're dead!
[Valjoy lets her go, leaves and unzips her jacket. Jedda pokes her tongue out at Erica]
Mum : [seeing Valjoy's revealing and inappropriate outfit, while out with her friend] Where do you think you're going dressed like that?
Valjoy Yurken : [to Mum] Hmm, let me think about it. *OUT*!
Harley Yurken : [Harley enters the house, with his shirt on and his underwear, in front of Erica] You guys home? Didn't see youse come in.
Erica Yurken : [narrating] Yep, and before you ask; there was no chance I was adopted. I'd already checked.
-
Mum : Erc, just remember: your family's who you are
Erica Yurken : I hope not. I've got one sister who think's she's a horse, another, who's got a black belt in being a bitch, and bloody Marley who's still mowing crop circles in the front lawn.
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Miss Belmont : [looking over at Erica, with her eyebrow singed] Girl with one eyebrow, your name?
Erica Yurken : [narrating] My life's dream was to be a great actress, and have my name in lights. But first, I'd have to change it from...
[the class start chanting "Gherkin!", "Yuk!" and "Erk!" at different times, in a cacophony]
Miss Belmont : [yelling at the class] QUIET!
[Miss Belmont then looks at Erica]
Erica Yurken : [answering Miss Belmont] Erica Yurken.
Miss Belmont : "Erica" is a very beautiful name. Did you know, that it means "great heroine"?
[the class laughs and Miss Belmont whacks one of the students on the head]
