- Mr. Morgan: All right... I assume everyone's found time to complete their poem... except... for Mr. Donner.
- [starts laughing]
- Mr. Morgan: Who has an excuse
- [laughs even harder, then stops]
- Mr. Morgan: . Shaft! Lose the glasses.
- [Joey removes his sunglasses, revealing his bruised nose from his earlier confrontation with Bianca]
- Mr. Morgan: All right... anyone brave enough to read theirs aloud?
- [Everyone looks at each other, waiting to see who goes first, Kat finally raises her hand]
- Kat Stratford: I will.
- Mr. Morgan: [rolls his eyes and sighs] Lord, here we go.
- Kat Stratford: I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
- [sighs]
- Kat Stratford: I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
- [Kat's voice breaks and she looks at Patrick]
- Kat Stratford: I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
- [starts to cry]
- Kat Stratford: But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
- [Kat walks out the classroom]
- Patrick: Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl.
- Kat Stratford: Is that right?
- Patrick: Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um, I fell for her.
- Patrick: So what's your excuse?
- Kat Stratford: For?
- Patrick: Acting the way we do.
- Kat Stratford: I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?
- Patrick: So you disappoint them from the start and then you're covered, right?
- Kat Stratford: Something like that
- Patrick: Then you screwed up!
- Kat Stratford: How?
- Patrick: You never disappointed me.
- Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?
- Kat Stratford: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.
- Kat Stratford: We're going now.
- Walter Stratford: Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, *no* ritual animal slaughters of any kind. Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.
- Cameron: She never wanted me. She wanted Joey the whole time.
- Patrick: Cameron, do you like the girl?
- Cameron: Yeah.
- Patrick: Yeah, and is she worth all this trouble?
- Cameron: Well, I thought she was, but you know, I...
- Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't. See first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it.
- Joey: Mr. Morgan, is there any chance we could get Kat to take her Midol *before* she comes to class?
- Mr. Morgan: Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it.
- [last lines]
- Kat Stratford: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know?
- Patrick: Yeah, I know. But then, you know, there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine.
- [They smile and kiss]
- Kat Stratford: [Pulls away] And don't just think you can - !
- [They kiss again]
- Cameron: Just 'cause you're beautiful, that doesn't mean that you can treat people like they don't matter.
- Walter Stratford: [Bianca and Chastity are sneaking past Bianca's father] Shoulda used the window!
- Bianca: Hi Daddy!
- Walter Stratford: Hi... where're we going?
- Bianca: Well, if you must know... a small study group of friends.
- Walter Stratford: Otherwise known as an orgy?
- Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party!
- Walter Stratford: And hell is just a sauna.
- Patrick: Well maybe you're not afraid of me but I'm sure you've thought about me naked, huh?
- [Patrick winks at her]
- Kat Stratford: [sarcastically] Am I that transparent? I want you, I *need* you, oh baby, oh baby.
- Walter Stratford: This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, do you know what she said to me?
- Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom"?
- Walter Stratford: Close, but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father".
- Bianca: She did not.
- Walter Stratford: Well, that's what she would have said if she wasn't so doped up!
- Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
- Kat Stratford: Don't, for one minute, think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
- Patrick: Then what did I have an effect on?
- Kat Stratford: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.
- Kat Stratford: You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.
- Patrick: I know, I quit. Apparently they're bad for you.
- Kat Stratford: You think?
- Ms. Perky: So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again.
- Kat Stratford: Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.
- Ms. Perky: The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.
- Kat Stratford: I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.
- Mr. Morgan: I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better... lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can't buy a book written by a black man!
- White Rastas: That's right mon!
- Mr. Morgan: Don't even get me started on you two!
- White Rastas: [Mumble to themselves]
- Walter Stratford: Where's your sister going?
- Kat Stratford: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
- Walter Stratford: Funny.
- Mr. Morgan: All right, not that I give a damn, but how was everybody's weekend?
- Joey: Oh, I dunno, maybe we should ask Kat?
- Mr. Morgan: Unless she kicked the crap outta your dumb butt, I don't wanna hear about it!
- Mr. Morgan: [after reading Shakespearean sonnet] Now, I know Shakespeare's a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that. I want you all to write your own version of this sonnet.
- [Kat raises her hand in the background]
- Mr. Morgan: Yes, Miss "I Have An Opinion About Everything"?
- [Mr. Stratford makes Bianca wear a pregnancy belly before leaving for a party, Patrick arrives and sees her]
- Patrick: [to Kat] Who knocked up your sister?
- Kat Stratford: Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.
- Cameron: Wow, is this what a bar looks like?
- [reaches into a jar]
- Michael: Don't touch anything! You may get hepatitis.
- [they find Patrick drinking and smoking]
- Patrick: So what have ya got for me?
- Cameron: A little insight into a very complicated girl.
- Michael: Excuse me, uh, just one question before we start. Should you be drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?
- Patrick: [confused] What?
- Michael: Nothing. Nothing.
- Cameron: Alright, uh, first thing, Kat hates smokers.
- [slowly removes Patrick's cigarette]
- Patrick: So, you're telling me I'm a... non-smoker.
- Michael: Yes. Well, just for now.
- Cameron: And, um, and here's another problem. Bianca said that Kat likes pretty guys.
- Patrick: [looks confused and slowly rises] Are you telling me I'm not a pretty guy?
- Michael: H-He's very pretty. He's a gorgeous guy.
- Cameron: Yeah. I-I just wasn't sure. I didn't know.
- Michael: [gives him two thumbs up] You're a gorgeous guy.
- Cameron: [Patrick sits back down] Alright, uh, yeah, okay, here's this, uh... Likes: Thai food, feminist prose and angry girl music of the Indie Rock persuasion. Here's a list of the CDs that she has in her room.
- Patrick: So, I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks who can't play their instruments, right?
- Michael: Have you ever been to Club Skunk?
- Cameron: Her favorite band's playing there tomorrow night.
- Patrick: I can't be seen at Club Skunk. All right?
- Cameron: But she'll be there, she's got tickets.
- Michael: Hey listen, assail your ears for one night.
- Cameron: She has a pair of black underwear, if that helps.
- Michael: [laughing cooly] Couldn't hurt, right?
- Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
- Walter Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.
- [when asked if he'll date Katarina]
- Wimpy Loser: Maybe if we were the last two people alive, and there were no sheep. Are there sheep?
- Patrick: Hey there girly. How you doin'?
- Kat Stratford: Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?
- Patrick: Now there's a way to get a guy's attention huh?
- Kat Stratford: My mission in life. But, obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked. The world makes sense again.
- Ms. Perky: Patrick Verona. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual.
- Patrick: Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, hit the lights?
- Ms. Perky: Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?
- Patrick: I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.
- Ms. Perky: Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!
- Mr. Chapin: You look pretty nervous.
- kid in detention: Yes, sir.
- Mr. Chapin: You're sweating like a pig.
- kid in detention: Yes, sir.
- Mr. Chapin: You're eyes are all... bloodshot.
- kid in detention: Yes, sir.
- Mr. Chapin: You've got pot, don't you?
- [the kid pulls out a bag]
- Mr. Chapin: I'm confiscating this.
- [walks away and sees Cheetos on another students desk]
- Mr. Chapin: This too.
- Kat Stratford: Tell me something true.
- Patrick: Something true... I hate peas.
- Kat Stratford: No, something real, something no one else knows.
- Patrick: Okay, you're sweet, and sexy, and completely hot for me.
- Walter Stratford: You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game.
- Kat Stratford: *When* I go?
- Walter Stratford: Oh, boy. Don't tell me you changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check.
- [Kat gasps in surprise, then hugs her father]
- Ms. Perky: Nine schools in ten years. My, my. Army brat?
- Cameron: Yeah, my-my dad is, uh...
- Ms. Perky: That's enough. I'm sure you won't find Padua any different than your old schools. Same little asswipe shit-for-brains everywhere.
- Cameron: Excuse me? D-Did you just say... Am I in the right office?
- Ms. Perky: Not any more you're not. I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot. Scoot!
- Kat Stratford: [drunk. Leans in close to Patrick] Hey... your eyes have a little green in them.
- [Patrick smiles momentarily, then Kat vomits at his feet]
- Patrick: See, first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone, ever, make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it!
- Walter Stratford: I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My momma didn't raise no foo'!
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