Mars Attacks! (1996)

Jack Nicholson: President James Dale, Art Land

Photos 

Quotes 

• President Dale : I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.

• [President Dale makes one last appeal to the Martians] 

  President Dale : Why... are you doing this? Why? Isn't the universe big enough... for both of us? What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we're different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how *strong* we would be! Earth... and Mars... together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it! *Think* about it! Why destroy... when you can create? We can have it all or we can smash it all! Why can't we... work out our differences? Why can't we... work things out? Little people... why can't we all just... get along?

  [the Martian Leader sheds a single tear. Dale smiles to himself, impressed. The Martian Leader approaches him and shakes hands with Dale. Then, the Martian Leader's hand detaches from his arm] 

  President Dale : What's this?

  [the hand proceeds to crawl all over Dale's body. At the small of his back, it stabs through his body. Dale collapses to the ground, dead. From his dead body, a flag raises from where Dale was stabbed: a Martian flag] 

• [watching a Martian on TV] 

  First Lady : [after seeing the Martians for the first time]  I'm not allowing that thing in my house.

  President Dale : Sweetie, we may have to. The people expect me to meet with them.

  First Lady : Well, they're not going to eat off the Van Buren china.

• President Dale : Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real outcome.

• President Dale : What do you think, Marcia?

  First Lady : Kick the crap out of 'em!

• [pitching a hotel/casino idea] 

  Art Land : If the Martians land, they're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else.

• Barbara Land : Do you have to drink in front of me?

  Art Land : You're an adult. Cope.

• Art Land : Even in a time of intergalactic crisis, people still want to roll them bones.

• [overhearing the Martians' destruction of France via telephone] 

  President Dale : ...Mon Dieu...

• Art Land : I'd been thinkin' about Mars when there wasn't no Mars.

• President Dale : General Decker, if you do not shut up, I am going to relieve you of your command.

  Gen. Decker : We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!

  President Dale : SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

• Art Land : I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference.

• Art Land : [repeatedly]  Wow!