Peter's Friends (1992)

Emma Thompson: Maggie Chester

Photos 

Quotes 

• [offering to give Maggie a make-over] 

  Carol : Maggie, you are a very pretty girl.

  Maggie : No, I'm not.

  Carol : Yes, you are.

  Maggie : No, I'm not.

  Carol : Yes! But you make Mother Teresa look like a hooker.

• [knocking on Peter's bedroom door in the middle of the night] 

  Maggie : Fill me with your little babies!

• Andrew : So, how's the world of publishing?

  Maggie : Fine. Very busy.

  Andrew : Any news on the boyfriend front?

  Maggie : I was kind of seeing someone. An author.

  Andrew : And what happened?

  Maggie : He committed suicide.

  Andrew : Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't...

  Maggie : It's alright. Honestly. Really. I didn't really like him very much. I liked him even LESS after he committed suicide.

  Andrew : How did he do it?

  Maggie : Threw himself off a building.

  Andrew : Eek.

  Maggie : Couldn't even do that properly. It was only a three-story building. He would have survived, only a car ran him over.

  [Andrew chuckles] 

  Maggie : It's not funny.

  Andrew : Oh, it is slightly funny, Maggie.

• Maggie : How's Ben?

  Mary Charleston : [as if introducing herself at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting]  My name is Mary, I'm an overprotective mother, and I've only phoned twice, today, and he's fine.

• Maggie : [explaining her disastrous come-on to Peter]  I went upstairs and threw my clothes off.

  Carol : That's direct. What'd he say?

  Maggie : [beginning to sob]  He said he wasn't in the vagina business.

  Carol : [taken aback]  That's direct too... Has Peter ever been in the vagina business?

  Maggie : Yes. He slept with Sarah!

  Carol : Oh, there's a surprise. Was she engaged to Peter too?

  Maggie : No, they just had a brief affair.

• [Carol is exercising vigorously on the kitchen floor] 

  Maggie : What are you doing?

  Carol : Donkey kicks. I've eaten every thing in the place, and I'm trying to work it off before morning. I used to be bulimic. A year ago, I'd be in the bathroom throwing it all up. I'm much healthier now!

• Maggie : Your overreaction, though understandable, is an overreaction.

• [Carol, Maggie, Peter and Andrew are listening to the squeaking from upstairs, which they presume is Sarah and Brian, when Sarah arrives in the kitchen] 

  Sarah : Hi, guys.

  [the others turn to face Sarah] 

  Peter : Now, that's what I call an extremely long dick.

  Andrew : Well, if it isn't Sarah, is it us?

  Maggie : It can only be Roger and Mary!

  Peter : I assume they must have resolved their differences last night.

  Andrew : [telephone rings]  This is the acid test

  [Squeaking stops for a few seconds, before resuming] 

  Andrew : Darlings!

  Peter : Well, if you'll excuse me, I better go!

  [Exits] 

• Maggie : [rejected]  You slept with Sarah, I know you did!

  Peter : Oh, my dear, the Archbishop of Canterbury has slept with Sarah! And that was years ago.

• Maggie : [Wrapping presents]  Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy...

• Carol : I was married to a Bisexual.

  Maggie : What happened?

  Carol : He left me. For another woman, the ultimate put down.

• Maggie : I've just come down to drink myself into a coma.

  Carol : Get turned down by Peter?

  Maggie : [Crying]  Oh, it was awful! I just wanted to kill myself!

• [the gang are discussing a cabaret performance in Bradford] 

  Peter : We went on after the Fabulous Poodles!

  Brian, Sarah's Escort : The Fabulous Poodles! Now there was a band! Whatever happened to them?

  Maggie : I don't know, but we were on after them, and Peter was in the middle of his opening monologue when someone threw a glass, and Peter said...

  Roger : [Imitating Peter]  If that happens again, we're going straight home!

  [a short pause is followed by the gang pretending to throw glasses at Roger] 

• Maggie : We're not students anymore!

  Andrew : Thank God!