- Gomer Pyle: Well we think Barney's gonna win. He hasn't done nothin' stupid now for oh about a month.
- Andy Taylor: Folks, folks, don't cut the cake yet, we got some speeches to make! Now, I am the best man here, *officially*, so I'll make the first speech.
- Briscoe Darling: [to Andy] It would be an honor to my dwelling. You can join the musicality. As I recall, you used to pick the twang box fairly tolerable.
- Thelma Lou: [after Barney steps down from the election, meaning he won't ask her to marry him] Barney, I love you, I don't care if you're sheriff or dog catcher or even chicken inspector.
- Barney Fife: You deserve someone better. There's nothing you can say or do that'll-
- [she kisses him]
- Barney Fife: [recalling two girls they dated] They sure were fun girls.
- Andy Taylor: They sure liked to dance close, didn't they?
- Barney Fife: Close? Mine actually bent my badge.
- Thelma Lou: Are you sure you don't want to come with us?
- Helen Crump Taylor: Oh not us old folks. I have to get home and wash out my support hose, and Andy has to massage his gums.
- Eunice Taylor: If you like, Barney, we'll leave our crib behind for you two.
- Barney Fife: Well what would we want with a...
- [eyes bug out, everybody laughs]
- Ernest T. Bass: [his family rides into the wedding on their truck] Happy Wedding Mr. and Mrs. Sheriff!