Barney Miller (1975–1982)
Abe Vigoda: Det. Phil Fish, Det. Philip K. "Phil" Fish
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Barney Miller : [while getting ready for a stakeout] Fish, we"re going to have to draw special weapons.
Wojo : [Extremely excited about being allowed to go on his first stakeout] Hey, let me do it! I"ll go down to the armory. Let"s see, what do we need? Shotguns! Tear gas! Gas masks!
[He leaves the squadroom to go draw the weapons]
Fish : [Observing Wojo"s enthusiam about the weapons] Nice boy.
Captain Barney Miller : It takes so little to make him happy.
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Fish : [Fish is depressed over his age] When Wilson and I were chasing that kid... Do you know what it feels like to be running down 43rd Street, and your partner is cornering a guy on 52nd? Do you how I found out what happened? I asked a reporter! *Four* radio stations beat me to the scene of the crime!
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Barney Miller : [after Chano and Fish return from a bank robbery and Chano is acting very strangely] What happened?
Fish : Two armed men. One with a shotgun. One with a handgun. Shot a guard. Held six people hostage and threatened to kill them if we didn"t let them go. It"d have gone on all day if *someone* didn"t get inside.
Barney Miller : Apparently someone did.
Fish : Chano... killed both of them.
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Fish : The doctor said he was very lucky, the bullet just grazed him.
Barney Miller : Where"d she hit him?
Fish : In the inseam.
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Detective Wilson : [Fish runs back into the squad room] Hey, where is everybody?
Fish : Wilson, get out of here! There"s a bomb in the building!
Marty : [locked in the cage] Oh, Mother in heaven!
Arnold Ripner : Goodbye, Marty.
Marty : Arnold, don"t you dare leave me here!
Fish : [indicates Marty] Wilson, get him out of here!
Arnold Ripner : If you ever catch the lunatic who did this
[hands Wilson his business card]
Arnold Ripner : tell him to call me.
[runs out]
Marty : Hurry and open this door.
Detective Wilson : [frantically searches] I"m looking for the key.
Fish : Nobody"s answering the phone! I"ve got to cover the rest of the building!
Detective Wilson : Go ahead! Hey... I got your case back!
Fish : What case?
Detective Wilson : Your briefcase, on the desk!
Fish : Thanks!
[runs out again]
Marty : Aren"t those the keys on the desk?
[Wilson runs to get them]
Fish : [slides back into the squad room and stares at the briefcase] Wilson... I don"t own a briefcase.
Detective Wilson : [stares at briefcase as it dawns on him] It ain"t yours?
Fish : No.
Marty : Who cares whose case it is? Just get the door open!
Fish : Wilson... the bomb is in the briefcase.
Detective Wilson : Holy Mama!
Marty : Oh, my God! Is it a big bomb?
Detective Wilson : How the hell do I know?
Fish : [looks at watch] It"s two minutes to five!
Marty : Fish, we"ve got to get rid of it!
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Detective Ron Harris : Hey Fish, does it hurt when those stones come out?
Fish : It can"t be too bad. The doctor says it"s like giving birth.
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Barney Miller : [sees Fish limping] What"s the matter with your foot?
Fish : Gout.
Barney Miller : Rich cooking, huh?
Fish : No. *Poor* cooking, but rich food.
