- Marilyn Monroe: What about the difference in our ages?
- Jack: Oh, it's not that big a difference. You're twenty-five and I'm thirty-nine.
- Marilyn Monroe: I know, Jack. But what about twenty-five years from now when I'm fifty and you're thirty-nine?
- Jack: Gee, I never thought of that.
- [on trial for murder, Jack has Perry Mason defending him]
- Jack: I can't understand it. On your show you always win.
- Perry Mason: Maybe my writers are better than yours.
- Jack: I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.
- Jack Benny: Where's that big glass star I told you to pack away last Christmas?
- Rochester: You mean that shiny one with the three points on it?
- Jack Benny: That star has five points.
- Rochester: Well, it went down two points this last year.
- Thug: You're gonna give us $10,000, or we're gonna break both your legs.
- Jack Benny: Does it have to be both?
- [Bob walks on carrying Jack's trousers]
- Bob: Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny.
- Jack Benny: [on the phone with Mary Livingston] Hello, Mary. Are you free tonight? No, I don't have any plans. Would you like to go see a movie? No, I'll come to your house; you're TV screen is much bigger.
- [Mary hangs up the phone]
- Jack Benny: Mary? Mary? I don't know what she's mad about.
- Mel Blanc: [as a former classmate, now a taxi driver] I'm very successful - I own my own cab. What do YOU do?
- Jack: [pause] I'm the voice of Bugs Bunny!
- Mel Blanc: Well, I'm glad you got rid of that lousy fiddle!
- Bob Crosby: That's like keeping the smog and throwing away Los Angeles.
- Don Wilson: I don't think you know how much it means to me to do the commercial. After all I'm not a funny man. I can't sing or dance. I don't lead a band. What are you paying me for?
- Jack: Don, you're hanging yourself.
- Jack: I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.
- Bob Hope: [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.
- Don Wilson: [Poking his head through the curtains] Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants
- Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?
- Don Wilson: Because I had to give him mine.
- Bob Hope: You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?
- Jack: [out of shot] Darn right I am.
- Bob Hope: By the way, this is where Bing did his last show and I think they've done very nicely. They've gotten most of it out of the curtains.
- Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy.
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Top Gap
By what name was The Jack Benny Program (1950) officially released in India in English?
Answer