- Peerless Pauline: I've waited so long to find someone like you.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone *like* me, I'm not good enough for you, eh?
- J. Cheever Loophole: I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.
- Peerless Pauline: Oh, but, you don't have to go right now, do you?
- J. Cheever Loophole: Well, there's nothing to keep me here that I can see, from this angle.
- Peerless Pauline: But, we, we hardly know each other. I can be very entertaining if I want to be.
- J. Cheever Loophole: [Speaking directly to the camera] There must be some way of getting that money without getting in trouble with the Hays Office.
- [Speaking to Pauline]
- J. Cheever Loophole: Will you walk on your hands?
- Whitcomb: Pardon me, Madame, but here are the seating arrangements for your final approval.
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Oh, no, Whitcomb. Judge Chinner will sit on my left hand and you
- [turning to look at Loophole]
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: will sit on my right hand.
- J. Cheever Loophole: How will you eat? Through a tube?
- Peerless Pauline: But it's so easy. The bottom of your shoe creates a suction that holds you up on the ceiling.
- J. Cheever Loophole: No, no, I'd rather not. I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Well! What is the meaning of this?
- J. Cheever Loophole: Keep your sheet on, I'm looking for old lady Dukesbury.
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: I am Mrs. Dukesbury.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Snook'ems!
- [Rushes to her arms]
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Oh, good gracious! I don't know you.
- J. Cheever Loophole: You mean you've, you've forgotten?
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Well, I...
- J. Cheever Loophole: I know, you have forgotten. Those June nights on the Riviera, where we sat 'neath the shimmering skies! Moonlight bathing in the Mediterranean! We were young, gay, reckless! The night I drank champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have held more, but you were wearing inner soles! Oh, Hildegarde!
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: My name is Suzanna!
- J. Cheever Loophole: Let's not quibble!
- J. Cheever Loophole: You know, If you hadn't sent for me, I'd probably be at home now, in a nice warm bedroom, in a comfortable bed, with a Hot Toddy!
- Antonio Pirelli: Huh?
- J. Cheever Loophole: That's a drink!
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: [a giraffe licks her neck] Not here, monsieur. Not here.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, I can't help it. It's just the animal in me.
- Antonio Pirelli: Folks, I wanna you should meet my pal! My best friend! What's your name again?
- J. Cheever Loophole: [annoyed] Loophole.
- Antonio Pirelli: [shaking his hand] Glad to know ya!
- J. Cheever Loophole: It's your pleasure.
- Peerless Pauline: You're the man I've been dreaming of!
- J. Cheever Loophole: What do you eat before you go to bed?
- Antonio Pirelli: You know what I think? The guy who hit Jeff on the head and knocked him out didn't like him.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Now let's not jump to concussions.
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: We must have regard for certain conventions.
- J. Cheever Loophole: One guy isn't enough. She's gotta have a convention.
- Little Professor Atom: What do you want?
- Antonio Pirelli: Oh, sure, we come in if you insist.
- Little Professor Atom: Is this a friend of yours?
- Antonio Pirelli: I should say not, he's a lawyer.
- Antonio Pirelli: You know what I say. Whenever you got business trouble the best thing to do is to get a lawyer. Then you got more trouble, but at least you got a lawyer.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Ah, this meeting brings back memories, childhood days. Lemonade! Romance! My life was wrapped around the circus. Her name was Lydia. I met her at the world's fair in 1900, marked down from 1940. Ah, Lydia. She was the most gloooooooooorius creature under the sun. Thaïs! du Barry! Garbo! Rolled up into one... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Lydia, oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia? Lydia, the tattooed lady...
- Peerless Pauline: Oh, you'll love it! Come on, Cheever.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Are you sure we are not being too hasty. After all, I am just a boy. You're, you're a trooper, an aerial star.
- Peerless Pauline: Yes. You could be too. You're tall. You're strong.
- J. Cheever Loophole: You're nearsighted!
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Now, be sure; when the Normandy docks tomorrow in New York, the Jardinet and his entire orchestra come directly here.
- J. Cheever Loophole: This bedroom will be awfully crowded.
- J. Cheever Loophole: Suzanna, I-eh-I hate to bring up money matters in the bedroom, but, eh...
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: But, what!
- J. Cheever Loophole: Well, eh, just write me out a check for ten thousand dollars and everybody will be happy including the gorilla. And, I do mean you.
- J. Cheever Loophole: [Picks up phone] Operator, operator! Get me the steamship Normandy. Where is it? It's in the water.
- Jardinet: I cross the ocean! I am called a dope ring! I race on a train, when I get here, what do I find? Animals. Animals!
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Animals?
- J. Cheever Loophole: Animals! Mrs. Dukesbury's friends are my friends!
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: You, monster. You're responsible this disgrace!
- J. Cheever Loophole: That's gratitude for you. Most men get their sweethearts one ring for an engagement. I got you three rings!
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: A circus! I'll be a laughing stock.
- J. Cheever Loophole: [standing on the ceiling] Ah Pauline, let's never lose this thrilling moment. Think of it, you and I, heels over head in love.
- J. Cheever Loophole: No thanks, I'll sit this one out. I'm just an old groundhog. I shouldn't even be out until February.
- Antonio Pirelli: If you please, Mistah Carter?
- John Carter: What do you want?
- Antonio Pirelli: Can I have a month off next August?
- John Carter: What for?
- Antonio Pirelli: Well, you see, my lawyer, he got-a me a divorce, and one month every year I win the custody of my wife's parents.
- J. Cheever Loophole: O, Susanna, o, Susanna
- [Starts singing]
- J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, won't you fly with me/for I need $10,000 'cause the Sheriff's after me.
- Black Boy #1: [Watching 'Punchy' taming the circus lions playing a miniature trombone] Well, shut my mouth and freeze my face. That man don't belong to no human race.
- Black Boy #2: Got a hocu-hocus pocus and a fiddle dee dee dee. That could charm a lion and a chimpanzee.
- Antonio Pirelli: [Talking to 'Punchy' in the train's sleeper car] How can you fall asleep? Oh, you count-a sheep, heh? How many sheep you have to count before you fall asleep? One! Eh, you're an insta-maniac.
- Captain: Why I can't believe it.
- J. Cheever Loophole: But I tell you the man's name is not Jardinet! His real name is V. T. O'Connor.
- Captain: No there must be some mistake. Are you sure?
- J. Cheever Loophole: I'm positive. It's the biggest dope ring in years and Jardinet is the head dope. Now, keep him in the brig until I can dig up some more dope. This is Operator 77B signing off. That is all.
- [shortly after Goliath and Punchy walked into the big top, an announcer mentions that Goliath is to catch three one-hundred pound cannon balls, one at a time and Punchy lights three cannons one at a time toward Goliath. The first and third cannon fuses function correctly. After Goliath caught first cannonball second cannon's fuse faltered, Goliath then claps his hands twice, motioning for Punchy, to light the third cannon. After Goliath successfully caught the first and third cannon balls, he then turn around accepting the applause. As Goliath is turned around, accepting the applause, the second cannon ball goes off and its cannonball popped Goliath, in his rear end! Then the crowd starts laughing extremely loud! Goliath, after being "popped in his rear", is so exasperated that he throws his barbell at Punchy]
- Goliath: Why, I'll fix you!
- [When Punchy is hit by the Goliath's barbell, only his head appears, above the ground]
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Now, I know you will all be thrilled. Jardinet's opening number will be Beethoven's somber, spiritual first movement of his second concerto, album three, opus four...
- J. Cheever Loophole: And number five on the Hit Parade.
- Mrs. Suzanna Dukesbury: Get me out of this cannon! Get me out of this cannon! Please, get me out of this cannon!
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