A micro monkey decides to rob a smelly rat's home while he's sleeping. But when the thief discovers that the owner has bad gas, things start to go downhill...

---

Darwin stood outside of his home and gazed out at the surroundings, grinning to himself. The black rat lived in the middle of a damp swamp full of fireflies, waist-high water, alligators, thick trees, etc. While dozens of the furs he knew back home would find the scenery abhorrent and downright disgusting, the rat actually enjoyed the humid atmosphere. He enjoyed listening to the sounds of frogs croaking and crickets chirping at night. He enjoyed waking up to the smell of swamp gas as it quietly floated into his small house. It all seemed odd to the rest of the members in his family, but Darwin managed to make the place seem attractive. Then again, Darwin was an overweight rat who wasn’t fond of changing his clothes or bathing every week so perhaps living in a swamp suited his attire.

The chubby rat took a long drink from his beer bottle before exhaling and heading back inside his house, a disheveled one-story building that reeked of mildew and was built over the water. He finished up the rest of his beverage before belching out loud and tossing the bottle on the floor. A few seconds later, Darwin sat down in front of the television and smiled as he looked down at the table. A whole plate of jalapeño nachos covered with melted cheese and a bucket of hot wings were sitting side by side, both steamy and hot. The rat grabbed the plate of nachos and noisily started to gobble them down, grabbing a giant handful and shoveling them all into his filthy mouth.

While the oversized rodent was busy stuffing his face, a tiny, six-inch monkey who had a black bandanna tied around his eyes was grunting and groaning as he slid his way into the giant rat’s house. He shouted and then exhaled with relief after crawling through a large crack in the wall before he stood up and brushed himself off. The grey monkey’s name was Klepto, although many assumed that was only a nickname since he was a kleptomaniac. Whether it was jewels, necklaces, or a clay termite, if Klepto heard about it, chances were he was going to steal it. The monkey was an excellent burglar, able to blend into the shadows and climb obstacles most micros couldn’t. Despite his height, Klepto could reach the ceiling of certain houses, and could carry three (or even four) times his own body weight. The monkey heard that Darwin had a stash of rubies or gems hidden in his house somewhere, so he decided to pay the rat a visit. But as he saw the giant rodent slobbering over nachos, he frowned. Darwin was wearing a dirty white tank-top and grey shorts that had quite a few tears in them. His socks had a few holes in them too, and the guy smelled like he hadn’t showered in three weeks. If that wasn’t bad enough, his house looked like it was falling apart.

“There’s a stash of gems hidden here?” he asked himself.

Klepto wasn’t sure if his Intel was accurate. Surely a rat this disgusting and unkempt couldn’t have rubies hidden in his room? And yet, the micro didn’t leave. He stayed inside Darwin’s house and hid behind the couch, waiting for the beast to finish up his meal. The monkey stayed still for nearly three minutes before all the crunching stopped and he heard a loud gulp. But seconds later, he heard the rat chewing through meat and smacking noisily. Klepto climbed to the top of the couch and glanced at Darwin. He groaned and rolled his eyes; the rat was chomping on a giant bucket of hot wings now, so he’d have to wait another ten minutes before he was done. But lucky for him, he finished a few minutes early, and shortly after Darwin finished eating, he fell asleep. The grey monkey quietly stepped out in front of the couch and snickered to himself as he saw Darwin lying on the couch, snoring with his mouth open. He had the whole place to himself now and had plenty of time to find the stash. Klepto stepped in front of two open doors and snickered again.

“Let’s see what’s behind door number one,” he muttered.

Klepto spent an hour searching through the room and found nothing of interest. So he went into the other room and wasted another hour searching, only to find a gigantic ball of mold growing in the corner of the room next to Darwin’s bed. The monkey even threw himself into the ball, thinking the rat had hit it inside the ball or somehow disgusted the gem as a blob of filth. But it turned out to be nothing short of a blob of filth. Klepto stepped out into the living room and sighed dejectedly. There were only three rooms in the house, and two of them were empty. The only place left to search was the living room, and there wasn’t much to look at in there either short of underneath the couch and Darwin himself. Clearly not wanting to go anywhere near the odorous rat, Klepto grunted and squeezed himself underneath the couch. It was dark and he had no flashlight, so the monkey just grabbed whatever he could that felt hard and pushed it out into the open. When he examined the contents (and coughed after getting much dust in his nose and mouth) all Klepto could identify was a few chicken bones and a gold coin with dozens of bite marks on it. Klepto thought about taking that, but he could see the rat was no fool either. Whoever had given him the coin was a con artist—the primate could see that the coin was just a half-dollar, and the rat figured it out after biting it several times.

That just left Darwin. Maybe the rat wasn’t so smart and just carried the rubies or gems in his pockets. Klepto headed towards the front of the couch again and widened his nostrils. He suddenly coughed a few times and covered his nose, choking on a stench that reminded him of rotten eggs and cabbage.

“Damn swamp gas! I gotta get out of this place before I suffocate on the smell!”

Since the primate was only six inches tall, his lungs were much smaller than normal-sized furs, meaning it was much easier for him to drown or suffocate. If there was a sudden burst of swamp gas that lasted for over a half-hour, he’d be in big trouble. Klepto had to act fast. He ran towards Darwin’s feet and scratched his chin, thinking the rodent hid his stash in his socks. The second he got near them, he gagged and backed away.

“Okay, screw that.” The smell of Darwin’s socks was unbearable. Even if his stash was hidden in either one, there was no way in hell he was walking away with a ruby that smelled like feet. That just left his pockets. The primate grunted as he hopped up onto a couch cushion and pulled himself up, only to be blasted by another foul supply of swamp gas. The monkey shut his eyes and covered his mouth. Even though he was tiny, the sound of his coughs could wake up the rodent, assuming his ears weren’t caked with earwax. So Klepto waited for the stench to pass before he lowered his arm and exhaled, panting as quietly as possible. He walked up to the rat’s left pocket and scurried his way inside. All he found were a few pennies and dust. Klepto exited the pocket and sighed. He was gonna have to scurry his way across the rodent and search his other pocket. If he didn’t find the gem, he was gonna call it a day and leave; the rat would be waking up any minute now.

That’s when Klepto heard a bombastic trumpeting noise that almost made him deaf. He shouted and backed away from Darwin, waiting several seconds for the annoying, almost familiar sound to end. Once it did, Darwin snorted and suddenly woke up, smacking his lips and looking all over the place. Just then, Klepto was assaulted by another cloud of swamp gas. …Only, the gas hadn’t come from the swamp. Now everything was beginning to make sense. The stench he smelled earlier wasn’t swamp gas at all. It was flatulence, courtesy of Darwin. Klepto knew he’d be spotted within a few seconds so in order to evade detection (and to get away from the stench) the monkey slid in-between two couch cushions. It was cramped and he was having trouble breathing, but at least he was well-hidden, and the hydrogen-sulfide wasn’t drifting into his nostrils. Meanwhile, Darwin yawned and stretched his arms out before he looked down at his distended gut and patted it. Not much later, he heard it gurgle and grinned as he promptly leaned over and blew out a muffled fart. The rat sighed with relief and rubbed his tummy.

“Guess I better let it all out now before it gets any worse.”

So Darwin leaned over and grunted loudly, pushing out a long, trumpeting fart for quite a while, filling the air with the stench of rotten meat. He chuckled and inhaled the foul odor, proud that he was making his home more pungent. Darwin was a bit juvenile—even though he was in his late 20s, he still liked to do things such as fart or belch in public, just to see all the gross reactions of the furs around him. He even peed on the floor of a few buildings and got away with it somehow. The rodent inhaled deeply again before he let out several small, hot farts that tickled his anus and made him giggle. They had no smell to them, but the next one he let out did. The rat leaned over again with his leg lifted and sighed as a long, deep-toned fart quickly slithered out of his rectum, polluting the air with methane and hydrogen-sulfide. Eight seconds later, the gas bubble ended, and Darwin finally decided to get off the couch. At the same time, Klepto gasped loudly as his head poked out of the crevice. He needed more oxygen, but all he could smell was the toxic fumes that Darwin released from his giant butt. The primate couldn’t help but cough and gag—the smell was making him nauseous. He was two farts away from ditching his plan altogether and leaving.

Then he saw it, sticking out of Darwin’s back pocket. There was a thick ruby about the same size of Klepto sitting right there, twinkling in the light. His eyes widened and a smile spread across his face. And then it turned upside-down when he saw the rat bend over and sigh as he blasted out another trumpeting, foul fart for several seconds. Darwin giggled and waved a hand behind his butt, but that didn’t make the smell go away at all.

“Out of all the places in this house, he had to hide his stash in the most putrid one,” muttered Klepto.

There was nothing Klepto could do about it. He’d just have to jump onto the rat’s ass, fish out the ruby, and escape before his ass set off another bomb. He couldn’t be sneaky anymore and he couldn’t wait for Darwin to finish getting all the gas out. By then, he’ll be unconscious or puking all over his fur. So the primate hopped off the couch and sprinted towards Darwin. Just when he was about to jump on his leg, he tripped and slid behind the rodent’s right foot. And as if on cue, the rat stepped backwards, pinning the monkey underneath his rancid sock. Klepto was grateful he wasn’t being crushed (and that he was lying face down) but he could still smell the rat’s stinky foot. He shouted and squirmed around, trying to free himself from the chamber that reeked of Limburger cheese. But Darwin was busy lifting his left leg and cutting another voluminous and smelly fart. The rodent waved a hand behind his ass again just when he felt another gas bubble brewing. So he lifted his right leg instead and let it all out, sighing as he heard the flatus hiss like a snake. Klepto gasped for air and rolled out of the way. Now he was getting pissed. The only viable option he saw was to incapacitate the smelly beast and steal the ruby when he was out cold. Klepto waited for the rat to put his right leg down before he snarled and opened his mouth. Then he leaned down and bit Darwin right on his Achilles tendon. Darwin yelped and lifted his foot up in the air.

“What the hell?!”

He looked down and spotted Klepto, who was panting and trying to take out Darwin’s other tendon.

“HEY!”

The primate looked up at the rat, who was staring down at him and gritting his yellow teeth. Disabling him was out of the option now—he was gonna have to hide and pray the rat wasn’t smart enough to find him. The monkey sprinted towards the wall, panting as he tried to find a hole big enough to jump into, the rat hot on his tail. He could hear his footsteps pounding on the ground, almost like thunder. Klepto screamed and rolled out of the way when Darwin lifted his leg high and stomped on the floor, missing him by only an inch.

“GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SQUASH YOU!” roared Darwin.

The primate continued to head towards the wall, searching for the nearest crack or hole he could find. That’s when he spotted a hole big enough for an oversized bug to crawl inside. Without looking back, Klepto hauled his body forward and quickly slithered his way into the opening. Unfortunately, the rat had seen him, and growled angrily as he got on his knees and stared into the hole. He tried to grab the monkey with two of his finger, and shouted when Klepto bit him again.

“Blasted bug!” He huffed and scratched his head, wondering how he should smoke out the thief so he could squash it. Then his stomach growled again and Darwin felt more flatulence ready to blast out of his ass. Darwin grinned. “Fine. If you won’t come out, I’ll just gas you out!”

Klepto’s eyes grew wide. He was tempted to rush back out of the hole, but he knew if that happened, the rat would squash him. So he remained still and stared outside the hole, watching as Darwin turned around and got on his knees, making sure his ass was planted right against the crevice. Before Klepto even had time to plug his nose, the black rat grunted and let out a tremendous fart that lasted for at least ten seconds. The monkey was blasted back by the force of his gas and groaned as he was slammed into the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to stand up, but not even five seconds later, Darwin released a shorter, but still voluminous gas bubble that reeked of road kill. The primate was having trouble breathing now. His eyes were watering, his nose was burning, and he was coughing and retching repeatedly. Everytime his mouth opened, all he could taste was the fat rat’s rancid gas, and the digested food he ate a couple of hours ago. Darwin relaxed his muscles and let more flatulence flow out of his giant ass, laughing evilly as he imagined what kind of smelly torture the monkey must’ve been going through. The rat had a feeling that the bug or mouse or whatever it was would either be dead by now or suffocating. Darwin knew his farts could clear a room when necessary—there was even a time where he made two furs throw up after farting in an elevator. So the rat sighed after releasing the third fart and turned around, placing his eye at the hole. Klepto groaned and groggily stood up, trying to stay conscious. To his surprise, he was staring at Darwin’s eye, not his giant butt. He realized that now was the perfect time to attack, so he sprinted towards his yellow eyeball and lashed the cornea with his nails.

“OW! SON OF A BITCH!”

The rat howled and covered his eye, but before he could stand up, Klepto ran out of the hole and jumped on top of Darwin’s muzzle. The rodent shouted again and got to his feet, still swearing and trying to catch the thief. Klepto was clutching onto the rat’s fur with dear life, his nails digging into the back of the rodent’s neck. Darwin snarled and tried to claw the primate off, but Klepto had a firm grip. He wanted that ruby so bad he could almost taste it (and given that it was lying in Darwin’s back pocket and had been farted on, Klepto already had tasted it). The monkey looked down and saw the rat’s ruby sticking out. All he had to do was slide down the rat’s back, land in his pocket, get the ruby, jump out, and get the hell out of his house. Klepto didn’t have time to think about it. The monkey let go of the rodent’s neck and slid down Darwin’s dirty tank-top. He was almost there…just a couple more seconds. And then, somehow, Klepto’s foot got caught on his shirt. He shouted, flipped around so he was falling head-first, and then landed inside of Darwin’s pants.

The rat could feel the bug—or whatever it was—squirming in the seat of his pants, eager to escape such a foul chamber. Darwin just grinned, knowing he had the insect caught right in a trap. He was gonna be able to gas out the intruder after all. The rat leaned over with his right leg raised and grunted as he released a strong, greasy supply of flatulence. He was letting out his worst farts now, attempting to either kill or knock out the intruder. Darwin sighed after cutting an eight-second fart before he bent over and let out another one. It was much, much louder and smelled so foul that the swamp gas would’ve been rendered tame. Anyone within proximity of Darwin’s home would’ve heard a trumpet blowing faintly for ten seconds. The rodent laughed after the gas came out and plugged his own nose, underestimating the power of his backblast. He could tell that the bug in his pants was becoming limp, but it still wasn’t enough. Darwin grunted with his eyes shut and lifted his thick tail before he let out a deep, sloppy fart for five seconds, followed by another one that was much louder and sounded grosser. Klepto was being gassed so hard he couldn’t even see, and the only smell he could identify was of rotten eggs and cabbage. At the rate he was going, his lungs would be full of hydrogen-sulfide, not oxygen. Darwin grunted one final time, fists made and tail still high in the air before he let out a fart so loud Klepto practically went deaf. His fart lasted for over ten seconds and contaminated the already fetid air with malodorous, hot gas. Darwin stood there, his ass high in the air as the flatulence spread all around his home, filling it with noxious fumes.

And then Klepto stopped moving. Darwin turned around and looked at his pants. He grinned once he glanced at the intruder’s legs sticking out of his trousers and hanging limp. The rat scoffed and pulled the primate out of his pants so he could look at the micro. Klepto was still alive, but he was barely conscious and his head was spinning. Darwin sighed exasperatedly—this hadn’t been the first time a thief had crept into his home and tried to rob him, nor had it been the first time he gassed one. The rat thought about killing the monkey, sending a message to all the other micro thieves out there that all trespassers will be squashed, but he wasn’t that cruel. He wasn’t into eating food that was still living either, plus he wasn’t hungry. So Darwin was gonna treat Klepto like an annoying insect and send him back to the wild. He stomped over towards the front door, opened it, and shouted as he threw Klepto back out into the swamp.

“AND STAY OUT!”

---

Luck was on Klepto’s side today, and the primate wound up landing inside a puddle of thick mud, which broke his fall. The tiny monkey lay still for a moment, but then shouted and screamed, panting and gasping for air. He looked all around the swamp. He wasn’t in Darwin’s house anymore, and he didn’t have the ruby. But it was okay, because he wasn’t being farted on anymore. He could return home and take a nice, long, hot bath.

“Well…at least things can’t get…”

Klepto saw a shadow appear behind him. He turned around, looked up, and gasped. There was a very chubby hippo wearing similar apparel as Darwin’s standing in front of him, his back turned and his gigantic posterior aimed at him. He heard the hippo’s stomach gurgle, and the pachyderm groaned and patted his belly.

“Oh man, I think those bananas are giving me gas,” he moaned.

The hippo bent over, ass pointed right at Klepto’s face.

“Aw, fuck.”