if you don't get it what's happened here - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58322727/

It’s been a month since he’s gone and it still pains me to look in that empty corner where his chair is. And I still can’t force myself to do barely *anything* except rotting in bed. I’m trying to convince myself to come to my senses and at least start working again(I have a couple of undone commissions and it hurts to even think of them, but I eventually will have to). With no success, if I’m being honest. And if Austin himself saw me like this… At first he’d feel sorry. And then, I guess, he’d become grumpy because he’s been dealing with my depression for his whole life and he might be the worst hater of my tears, lmao. But he was great at dealing with those!
And I have something to add about him. The doctors head-canoned that his hydrocephalus occurred because of otitis, and I’ve had an assumption that it was there for the whole time(simply undiagnosed because it wasn’t showing up). Because I’ve seen many puppies, I’ve seen ones having a cleft palate like he did, I’ve seen them mаlnourished and tiny – nu-uh, none of them looked like him in his puppyhood.
And so I contacted some human doctors that I know and it turned out that I was right. So it was impossible to treat him from the very beginning and I just snatched a chance for him to live a bit longer. Taking that in, now I understand why his health was so poor and why there were no reaction on various therapies. Even why they wanted an autopsy so badly. Why *everything*. That alone won’t stop me from eating myself alive with feeling guilt, but it really became a bit easier.
So basically he was dealing with so much shit without even showing it a bit. With such diagnoses a prognosis is given for a couple of years, and he’s been bearing for the whole nine.

Stating briefly and unironically: Austin is my hero.