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Even More Tabloid Terrorism, Part 2
Leo the Patriotic Lion: (narrating) Leo the Patriotic Lion here again, and welcome back to our showcase of the absolute dumbest humans on the planet today: the tabloid terrorists. No women in this group; just men. (It's not because women are forbidden; there are just no women wanting to do this.) It all began when I got elected President of the United States, and the CNG effects went into overtime, because in the U.S. and select other nations, all the tabloids except for one (People Magazine, and they leave me alone) suddenly announce they are going out of business forever. It angered these people to the point of no return, because they had no other skills to do anything else. It also didn't help that their spouses filed for divorce and won custody of the kids.
One thing led to another, and now these people, many of whom were once members of STOPS, AOFUT, or TBTC, are using it as an excuse to carry out these crimes. However, they're now just straightforward terrorists, and many of their senseless and stupid acts are done strictly out of pure hate.
Levi the Mountee Lion: (narrating) This is why when we got them to confess that they stole all my money, they said they would have done this to me even if I hadn't blown it, and permanently ceded Machias Seal Island to the U.S. I have been apologizing for it ever since, and I seek both the Lord's and world's forgiveness. The Lord has forgiven me, and He showed it by protecting me in the form of transferring me to a different circus when I had to be a clown. I've since made some friends with the performers of Circus Delights, which will be the circus that employs me if I blow it again; if I do, I'll be a clown forever. The act won't necessarily be the same as it was, but I will be a clown forever.
To reinforce this, Circus Delights, an Eterna-based circus troupe, now has its earthly headquarters, so to speak, in Ottawa, our nation's capital. (Ottawa is in Ontario, just as Toronto is, if you're not sure where it is geographically.) Some of the performers are D-19 agents, so that will also help keep me in line. They weren't the ones giving me an earful about what I did, however. They were just following instructions. They did say to me that they were bothered by it, but it was best to just let me be a clown in the literal sense.
This journal entry focuses on the tabloid terrorists, their absolute stupidity, and how easy (and sometimes lethal) it was for the parallels to deal with him. In Round 1 of this wave, they attacked Vietnam, and in Round 2, they attacked Algeria. Now we move on to the nation for Round 3: Thailand.
Lek the Golden Lion: (narrating in English) These idiots would get a free lesson in the deadly martial art I practice: Muay Thai. Sometimes this is referred to as Thai boxing. Muay Thai is related to other martial art styles such as Muay Chaiya, Muay Boran, Muay Lao (practiced by my Lao counterpart, Loy the Mountain Lion), Lethwei (famously practiced by my counterpart from Myanmar, Lian the Lethwei Lion), Benjang and Tomoi. A practitioner of Muay Thai is known as a Nak Muay. Western practitioners in Thailand are sometimes called Nak Muay Farang, meaning "foreign boxer."
This is another case where I have to give a caution about what happens: if your brains, moral senses, or stomachs cannot handle these things, then turn off your computer, tablet, or smartphone, and purify your mind by going for a walk in the beautiful sunshine. But if you are willing to look, then go ahead and scroll on down below.
*Later, the tabloid terrorists strike Bangkok, the capital of Thailand. This time, there is a bank robbery as the rest of the civilians shelter-in-place. The bank workers are held hostage.*
*Bangkok, Thailand*
Terrorist 1: All right! Where is Lek the Golden Lion?!
Terrorist 2: And we're making this city our own paradise!
Terrorist 3: And it's not our fault that this city has a funny name! Now! First thing first! Does anyone here speak English?!
*The hostages shake their heads and are confused.*
Terrorist 4: Alright! I need someone to tell us where Lek is! None of us speak Thai here!
Lek: *Is casually walking right outside the bank despite it being surrounded by police.* Oh? It looks like we got uninvited guests.
Terrorist 1: You look like you understand us! Okay! I want you to ask them where Lek is in your language. Can you do that?
Hostage 1: *Nods nervously.* Ye... Yes.
Terrorist 1: Go ask them!
Hostage 2: *In Thai* Please don't kill me! I have a family!
Hostage 1: *In Thai* Do you know where Lek is?
Hostage 2: *In Thai* No.
Hostage 3: *In Thai* I didn't see him today.
Lek: I can answer this. *He punches his right arm through a wall and grabs a terrorist around his neck with his arm.*
Terrorist 1: *Is grabbed as he drops his gun and panics.* ACK! HELP! Something is around my neck!
*The hostages managed to escape as the police rushes in and arrest the terrorist that Lek got a hold of. Lek of course lets go and slides his arm back out of the wall.*
Lek: *In Thai* I'll pay for this and sorry but there's no quicker way to stop this. Now time for me to make an entrance! *He enters the bank and speaks in English.* I want all of you to come very close to me and throw everything you got at me up close!
Terrorist 2: Consider your wish granted! *He charges at Lek with a knife.*
Lek: *He grabs the terrorist by his wrist and gets him to jam his knife against a table.* Too slow! *He hands the terrorist off to another police.* All right! How about all you knuckleheads come at once to me?!
*Two more terrorists charge at Lek with punches, but the lion quickly uses both knees towards them, before flipping them over with his arms behind them as they fall to the ground quickly as the police arrests them.*
Terrorist 3: What happened?
Terrorist 4: I didn't see that coming.
Lek: I don't want two of you; I want ALL of you to come attack me at once!
Terrorist 5: And where's your weapons and armor? Are you even wearing Kevlar?
Lek: I have no need for them.
Terrorist 5: And you're surrounded by us, heavily armed and ready to rip you apart!
Lek: I don't care.
Terrorist 5: Fine then! Have it your way! *He charges at Lek with a metal bat.*
Lek: *He charges close and grabs the terrorist by his forearm and pulls him close before striking with his elbow from his other arm sending the terrorist flying as he knocks another terrorist over.* Indeed; I'll have it my way then.
Terrorist 6: Everybody stop him right now!
*The terrorists charge at Lek at once with various melee weapons.*
Lek: Now we're talking!
Police 1: *In Thai* Lek is lightning fast with his Muay Thai!
Police 2: *In Thai* I thought the world knows his Muay Thai skills. Apparently, these foreign terrorists don't.
Police 3: *In Thai to Weather Wolf.* Why are you just standing there drinking Thai tea with boba? Aren't you going to help Lek out?
Weather Wolf: *In Thai as he shows the messages from his communicator to the police.* Lek specifically ordered me not to intervene, but just stand nearby here and watch.
Police 3: *In Thai* But they have guns!
Terrorist 6: *Gets hit with an elbow strike as he flies out of the bank through a window breaking it as his AKM leaves his hands and slides out on the ground towards Weather Wolf before landing right in front of him.* What kind of lion is he?! It's like everything he touches packs a punch!
Police 3: *In Thai* Oh. I see.
Weather Wolf: *In English to the terrorist.* Are you really sure he's using his fists?
Terrorist 6: He has to be! He just came right close to me when I was behind him and bam! He sent me flying and here I am suddenly!
Weather Wolf: I see something different from him. *To the police in Thai.* Arrest this terrorist and deport him.
Police 3: *In Thai* Yes, sir! *He arrests the terrorist to take him to jail for processing before deporting him.*
*A terrorist tries to use the stock of his AKM to hit Lek on his head from behind but Lek suddenly ducks as he performs an elbow strike that breaks the gun in half with ease before hitting the terrorist on his chest. Because the terrorist was running towards Lek, he suddenly finds himself sliding on the ground on his back towards the police as they managed to catch him before arresting him.*
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: Great; now they're attacking Thailand.
Kirk: Against a lion who is a Muay Thai master? Ouch! He's going to send those terrorists flying and bruised! Stupid mistake right there!
Rainier: Start praying that they don't go after Leng the Bokator Lion; he's arguably worse!
Leng the Bokator Lion: (narrating in English) They definitely don't want to mess with me, or any of us. Instant KO if they do.
Lennart the Viking Lion: (narrating in English) Or worse, suppose they try to have a go at me. The pressure is on for all of us, but me especially, to control ourselves and not go berserk. You all know what happens when I do go berserk.
*Washington, D.C.*
Zachary: WHOA! Those guys are learning the hard way of why not to mess with Lek or any of the martial arts lions! Lek is on fire!
Juno: He's putting his Muay Thai into good use for sure!
Zax: That's a whole lot of ouch!
Marshall: If John Wick was Thai, that's basically what happens.
Zachary: Looks like Lek will need to call in a dinner reservation for twenty.
Zax: That's more than twenty defeated tabloid terrorists right there!
Mechayote: More than twenty tabloid terrorists who thought it would totally be a good idea to go after Lek, only to hand their butts to them instantly.
*Hanoi, Vietnam*
Chuong: *In Vietnamese* Yup! I called it! Now those terrorists are getting a free lesson in Muay Thai from Lek.
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*Lek's actions are the latest things to go viral on social media, racking up 2 billion views per platform. On YouTube alone, it hits 10 billion.*
Lek: *to Weather Wolf in Thai* Okay; I got them all. Help me free those hostages!
Police 4: *in Thai* Wow; are these foreigners really that dumb?
Lek: *in Thai* I'm afraid so.
*Vietnam*
Luong the Hidden Lion: *in Vietnamese* A very painful one.
*Canada*
Lyon the Northern Lion: I don't want to watch! *His communicator beeps.* Oh. Well, what do you know?
Captain Canada: Well, the whole world did watch Levi be a clown. Now they want to give him his money back after all.
Lyon: It must be the other half of the debate. There are campaigns telling everybody to hail Levi a hero, not a disgrace, because his actions killed off IC2. I'm not taking sides, though.
Cogent Cat: Just promise us you won't make any snap decisions of your own if you do get the job afterwards.
Lyon: I promise. Meanwhile, I nominate Rachel here to be the ambassador if I am elected.
Captain Canada: I can work with that if it comes to that. I unfairly got laid off from my other job repairing and supervising traffic lights because I wouldn't join the crowd of people that were furious with Levi.
Furious Fox: Which makes me angry, but I can't show it. We're Canadians; we must be polite.
*Meanwhile, T2's hacking job exposes the companies who sold these terrorists their weapons, all of whom immediately go out of business. They announce Levi can have his money back, and work overtime to make it happen. At this point, however, the terrorists can only be arrested and have their weapons destroyed or confiscated.*
Levi: (narrating) The IOC had also announced that because they got such a good laugh out of me being a clown, they decided to go ahead and refund/reimburse me after all for the portion of the Olympic Games that I missed as a result of giving away the island forever. This, however, was T2 exposing all the companies that sold the weapons to the terrorists that bought them using the money they stole from me. Now they're working overtime to get me my money back.
Meanwhile, it is also worth knowing that because IC2 decided to spend all its time and effort torturing me, ultimately leading to its death, it trigged other kinds of demons that began to battle against my inner self. These are the kind Cripto slays on a regular basis, being one of the seven princes of heart as well as a light agent in the D-19.
Cripto: (narrating) So my superiors commanded me to get rid of them. By doing so, it would make it easier for Levi to cope with and reduce stress when somebody talks to him about his past. And while he needed the stern lectures about it, it was getting out of control, and so disciplinary actions had to be taken on the ones that were lecturing him. (These did not include the grand high masters of the elements. These were other animals that evidently had problems of their own.)
Captain Canada: (narrating) Meanwhile, the City of Vancouver, under new management, so to speak, had indeed fired me from my job as a traffic light supervisor (although I worked on other projects as well, all meant to properly control the flow of traffic in the city), because I wouldn't join in with the masses of people ridiculing, mocking, and harassing Levi. "No; I won't harass him," I said. "He's still a G-52! I don't diss my fellow G-52s, even if they do rash things!"
"Then consider yourself unemployed!" the city said to me. "You're fired!" In a way, I got a taste of it myself.
Super C: (narrating) This makes her the first G-52 that ever got involved in a lawsuit as the plaintiff (as far as I know).
*Washington, D.C.*
Leo: It used to be said that the old version of Bendraqi had sunk lower than Adolf Hitler. These men have gone even lower than that.
Judge Marcus: If you're lower than that level, you're never going to make it back to the surface.
*Switzerland*
*The IOC announces that because they were so impressed with Levi's clown performance, they decide they are going to reimburse him after all.*
*Eterna*
*As Levi continues his anger management courses, Cripto arrives to check on him.*
Levi: Oh, hi.
Cripto: Hi. How are you feeling right now?
Levi: Better than I was, but I think I'm going to have a harder time living this down than the last time.
Cripto: With those photos?
Levi: Uh-huh.
Cripto: Well, I've been sent to see how you are doing. Plus, the boss said he's not ready to let you go just yet. A suggestion was made, which he approved, and that's this: if you give into those inner demons you are fighting, and you give up your Canadian citizenship and move to this world forever, requests are going to be put in that you spend the rest of your life being a clown with that circus you were a part of a while ago.
Levi: That's understandable. The ringmaster did say I was a fast learner, and that he was wishing I'd join full-time anyway. The greatest battle you fight is the one against yourself, and I'm losing it spectacularly.
Cripto: All of us have that struggle. I did. Now let me see here.
*He then scans Levi with his powers.*
Levi: What are you doing?
Cripto: Scanning. The white kitten (Zanta) called me to do a purge if necessary. *He gets the results.* Yes. Lay down on the couch here and hold still.
Levi: Uh, okay.
*He does so as Cripto vanishes into the darkness (prompted by a different Eternal), and begins fighting (and slaying) a specific batch of demons he was commanded to fight. It takes about 39 minutes, but he does manage to get them all, thanks to the help of his magic sword, Invincican. When he returns to the infirmary, with sword in hand, Levi's mind has been freed from the demons.*
Cripto: Whew! That was exhausting.
Levi: I don't know what you did, but thank you so much. I feel so much better now. Now it will be easier to cope with all these things.
Cripto: You're welcome. Just remember to think logically before you speak, okay?
Levi: Sure.
*Cripto sets his sword down, as Levi gets back up, and the two embrace. A tear or two escapes Levi's eyes.*
Cripto: You got this, Levi.
Levi: Thanks.
Levi: (narrating) I'm still not sure about what he did, but I am very grateful for it. Shortly after he was done, we got word of what was happening in Thailand. At this point, though, they were all arrested. Then we learned about Captain Canada, and I agreed that she should have her job back.
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*Weather Wolf enters the bank to help the police free the hostages.*
Hostage 4: *In Thai* Where were you?
Weather Wolf: *In Thai* I was told by Lek to stand outside and protect the police.
Hostage 4: *In Thai* I see. But Lek is fast!
Weather Wolf: *In Thai* I know.
Hostage 5: *In Thai* I finally get to see my Prime Minister save us like this! He is truly the best!
*The police arrests the terrorists before deporting them.*
Hostage 6: *In Thai* I thought everybody in the world knew what Lek's Muay Thai is like! They didn't think he'd be that fast did they?
Hostage 7: *In Thai* Probably not.
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: *To Captain Canada* If they let you go because of your political views, this is discrimination and I will open an investigation into your company. Companies hire people to perform jobs on behalf of them, not to carry political agendas! This is how companies engage in lobbying to influence the government and the elections. I thought there would be no more of this! *He let's Parliament know about Captain Canada being let go from her job due to her refusal to protest against Levi.*
Politician 1: That is discrimination!
Politician 2: Now that's a lawsuit right there!
Politician 3: The investigation is now open on her company for discrimination.
Rainier: Canada is a country that promotes harmony and community along with human rights! There will be no discrimination based on political views because that's what happened under Trudeau and I will not allow this mistake to be repeated again! Not under my watch as Prime Minister of Canada!
Noel: Levi can learn a thing or two from your leadership as our Prime Minister.
*Washington, D.C.*
Zachary: Joseph Stalin was worse than Hitler. He didn't even save his own son from jail despite being dictator at the time.
Marshall: They all talk about Hitler, but they forget about Stalin. Stalin, without a doubt, killed more people than Hitler did. Also, the gulags. Just ask Leonid what he had to see under Stalin. He's got a lot. Luitpold is lucky to be born way after Hitler's death, so he never had to witness his acts.
Zax: Wow; these terrorists are really that dumb not to know that Lek is a master of Muay Thai. No wonder why he sent them flying!
Luitpold the Germanic Lion: (narrating in English) I am indeed grateful that I wasn't from that time period.
Leonid the Cold Lion: (narrating in English) I didn't have it so lucky, though. I did have to witness everything Stalin ever did. It wasn't an excuse for the meltdowns I had, but as with the other parallels (excluding Levi), I did learn from my mistakes, and I am still atoning for them.
Don't worry about Levi; he will learn from this even if it kills him (figurately, not literally, of course).
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*All the hostages are now freed.*
*Ottawa, Canada*
Furious Fox: All of us can learn something valuable from you.
Captain Canada: Exactly.
Politician 2: Wait; what did you used to do?
Captain Canada: The city of Vancouver employed me to supervise and repair traffic lights. How was I supposed to know they were full of Levi haters? They're definitely getting another thing coming now. However, I have stated, ladies and gentlemen, that I am willing to apply for an ambassador position to the U.S., in the event the public chooses Lyon to be our next official Prime Minister. Rainier is just the interim PM right now.
Cogent Cat: *to Rainier* I hope you don't get a headache from this.
*Washington, D.C.*
Leo: *to Zachary* That's true. I think Hitler is just the one everybody thinks about the most.
*Our communicators beep, telling us about the case with Captain Canada.*
Tom the Patriotic Tiger: Wait; what? That's not a legitimate reason to fire somebody.
Leo: No; it is not. She was let go because she wouldn't join the crowds of people ridiculing Levi. She stood up for her fellow G-52s instead. Now that's what we expect to see in this organization. Rainier has seen quite a lot of action in his first few days as acting Prime Minister.
*WC, KS, USA*
*Some other G-52s are in Cripto's basement socializing when they get the news.*
Cripto: So they fired her because she wouldn't laugh at Levi and harass him?
Magical Drummer: Well, that's a load of balderdash!
Super C: As I said to Levi once, "While I was cross with your snap decision, the bulk of my anger wasn't directed at you, but the people laughing at you and harassing you." This will show him what he started, no doubt.
*Cripto then mentions his D-19 mission to Super C, purifying Levi from the demons attacking him.*
Super C: Oh, good. That will be a big help to him.
Cripto: He still has to show he learned his lessons, but this should shrink the temptations to dwell on the past.
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: I feel like I'm cleaning up a huge mess that Levi left behind, but I'm not the type to give up easily. The city of Vancouver will pay for this wrongful termination.
Kirk: As they should. Vancouver needs better leadership.
*Washington D.C.*
Zax: I feel bad for Rainier, since it seems like he's cleaning up the mess Levi left behind since the drone-spying scandal.
Juno: I want this to blow over soon and get all of Levi's money back.
*Pakistan*
*There are police raids and seizures against individuals and businesses who sold components to the tabloid terrorists.*
Police 1: *In Urdu to Layth.* We found the culprits who sold components to the tabloid terrorists!
Police 2: *In Urdu* They did business online with Levi's money!
Criminal 1: *In Urdu* I was just doing my own business online!
Criminal 2: *In Urdu* This is an outrage!
Criminal 3: *In Urdu* Get your hands off my 3D printer!
Police 3: *In Urdu* If you're going to use it illegally and put others in danger like that, you don't deserve one in the first place.
Layth the Mughal Lion: (narrating in English) And so we have another plot twist here; we now know what was purchased with that stolen cash.
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*The all-clear is given as everybody returns back to their lives.*
Weather Wolf: *In Thai to Lek.* Let's celebrate our victory in the city of Pattaya and relax there. Their beach is among the most popular in our country.
*Ottawa, Canada*
Captain Canada: I feel bad for you, then.
*The communicators beep.*
Cogent Cat: Oh, wait a minute. Look what's going on in Pakistan.
Furious Fox: So that's who sold them the weaponry. Wait until Levi hears about this.
Cogent Cat: As long as he doesn't snap.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Likewise. *His communicator beeps again.* Oh, look at this. This is going to give Layth a headache.
Tom: So the terrorists used Levi's money to buy 3D printed weapons?
C.I.D.F. Commander Anderson: *white lion serving as C.I.D.F. Chief Director of Music* This is getting out of control.
*Pakistan*
*Layth glares at the criminals.*
Layth: *in Urdu* I hope you're satisfied; this will ensure you spend the rest of your lives in prison! Your customers used those weapons with money they stole from my Canadian counterpart! *to the police* Get them out of my face!
*The criminals are arrested.*
Layth: (narrating in English) If nothing else, this also proves the second law of thermodynamics holds true. The universe is deteriorating and getting worse. This is also illustrated by the fact humanity is getting dumber and dumber.
We'll see this again as we move to the nations for Round 4 and 5: Finland and Iceland.
Leku the Silent Lion: (narrating in English) And as with the other three rounds, I took them down all by myself.
Leonhard the Mighty Lion: (narrating in English) By definition, Round 4 happened in Finland, while Round 5 happened in Iceland, and both happened at the same time.
*Later, the tabloid terrorists invade Finland as the country's sirens go off prompting everybody to close up shop, stay home, seek shelter, and close their windows and curtains.*
*Finland*
Terrorist 1: I'm not even going to bother reading the signs here!
Terrorist 2: How do Finnish people understand each other?!
Terrorist 3: Does anyone speak English?
Soldier 1: *In Finnish to the civilians.* Go, go, go!
Soldier 2: *In English* I do!
Soldier 3: *In Finnish* Don't get yourself killed!
Terrorist 3: Where is Leku the Silent Lion?
Soldier 2: He is in Kaivantopuisto.
Terrorist 2: He is in where?
Terrorist 3: I can't pronounce what he just said.
Terrorist 4: Phones can translate spoken words into their typed forms. *He uses his phone to record the soldier's voice. Where is Leku?
Soldier 2: Kaivantopuisto. *His words show up in its correct spelling in the phone.*
Terrorist 4: Thanks! *He looks at his phone.* So that's that it says. *He uses the phone's GPS to find Kaivantopuisto.* We go there to find Leku!
Terrorist 5: This is going to be fun!
Soldier 2: *In Finnish* Leku is going to have fun with them. He told me to tell them that. Believe me, he knows what he's doing.
Soldier 3: *In Finnish* It's basically a park with trees and hills. Typical Finnish park.
*The terrorists arrive at Kaivantopuisto.*
Terrorist 1: Okay, then. Here we are in the middle of nowhere. Just hills and trees.
Terrorist 2: There appears to be a pile of leaves and branches with a string sticking out of.
Leku: *To himself silently in English as he watches the terrorists look for him in such a clueless manner while hiding up in a tree.* My goodness; they possibly can't be that stupid to fall for my obvious traps! Anyone should see that! Let's see where this goes.
Terrorist 3: He's clearly here.
Terrorist 2: *He falls into a trap and suddenly finds himself trapped in a net hanging from a tree.* Somebody help!
*Leku facepalms and remains hidden.*
Terrorist 3: Show yourself, Leku!
Terrorist 4: *He steps on a tripwire triggering a bola wrap gun, which fires binding wire around his upper body trapping his AKM with him.* What the...?! Guys? I can't move my arms! They're stuck with my body!
Terrorist 5: That does it! *He starts brandishing a knife.* Come out wherever you're hiding from!
*Leku hides in another tree and watches the terrorists. He is astonished by how clueless they are.*
*Washington, D.C.*
Juno: Now they're in Finland of all places and already they're getting booby trapped left and right like it's Vietnam!
Zax: How did they not see that the string sticking out from the pile of branches and leaves is clearly a trap?
*Iceland*
*Civilians managed to quickly capture the terrorists with catchpoles.*
Terrorist 1: There's so many of you!
Civilian 1: Who are you and what do you want from Leonhard?!
Civilian 2: Why are you here?!
Leonhard: *He walks by and shows up.* Oh? Did someone say they're looking for me?
Terrorist 2: Dude! Where is your shirt?! It's freaking cold outside!
Terrorist 1: You know what? We don't want to see Leonhard!
Terrorist 3: Holy cow, dude! Why are you so tall and huge?! What kind of gym do you go to?!
Terrorist 4: Holy Goliath; your hands are massive! Everybody! Let us go!
Terrorist 5: Good heavens; you're bigger than I thought! Stay right there!
Terrorist 6: No... You look like you play in shows like Game of Thrones. What the heck kind of workout routine do you do that makes you so big and muscular?
Civilian 3: You wanted to see Leonhard; now you got your wish!
Civilian 4: *In Icelandic* Are these the tabloid terrorists the news were talking about?
Civilian 5: *In Icelandic* That's them! I don't know why they're here in Iceland!
Terrorist 7: Good heavens... You are so tall... How?
Terrorist 8: What are you taking that makes you that freaking huge and strong?!
Leonhard: It's not drugs, if that's what you're thinking.
Terrorist 5: Okay; just let us go and we can go home already! We're just lost in Iceland with no intentions of seeing Leonhard!
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: Now they're in Iceland... Big mistake right there! That's basically begging for the worst of consequences right there. And Finland? Why? Why Finland?
Courtney: They're hunting a general who's also a professional sniper. That's not going to go well for the terrorists.
*Denmark*
Lenarth: *In Danish* These terrorists possibly cannot be that stupid, but I can feel their presence coming into the Danish Realm. If they come here, I will be ready for them. (narrating in English) I had to be prepared for a possible Round 6 of this wave.
Alpha: *In Danish* If they even make it here.
Ice Pirate: *In Danish* It's a good thing we are an exception to the "We don't talk about Lennart!" rule, because Denmark has very long shared history with Sweden and we are both Viking nations. Our enemies need Lenarth to protect them from Lennart because Lennart does not need Lenarth to protect him.
Alpha: *In Danish* True. Meanwhile, they're in Finland, looking for Leku. As they say, some cannot see what they cannot hear. And Iceland? What did Leonhard do that warrants these terrorists' attention?
*Finland*
Leku's silent thoughts: Are their brains poisoned? I've never seen anybody THAT stupid! They are just begging for me to send them to the afterlife!
*Iceland*
Leonhard: *to the terrorists* Too bad. You saw me. *to the police in Icelandic* Okay; get them out of here. *to himself in English* Wow; they really are that stupid.s
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: *to himself silently, as if he's praying* Please don't let them enter the Kingdom of Sweden. One look at Lennart and they're going to die.
*Canada*
Cogent Cat: The sooner this ends, the better.
*Furious Fox facepalms.*
Captain Canada: This is getting out of control. On the other hand, I just learned that T2 finished the bank job, so to speak, so Levi should have all his money back by now and then some. Part 2 for me is to find an attorney to win the lawsuit regarding me getting terminated for the wrong reasons.
Pristine Pianist: Well, that explains the protests outside.
*Outside, protestors with signs, joined by the Maple Marcher and his marching bands, are protesting against Captain Canada getting fired because she wouldn't ridicule Levi, but instead, stood true to the Code of Conduct and her personal beliefs.*
*WC, KS, USA*
Doughty Dog: Now they're going to Finland and Iceland?
Super C: They aren't going to last 10 seconds there.
Cripto: They're only doing it to themselves. My family's church's pastor said he believes in multiple levels of hell; there will be a special place down there for these terrorists.
*Pearland, TX, USA*
Sandstormer: *to Wrangler Wolf* I don't know if I'm watching the real news broadcasts or a sketch from SNL (Saturday Night Live); these terrorist have to be the dumbest people in the history of mankind. They're lucky CNG and IC2 aren't around to speed up their deaths. Now they're in Finland and Iceland.
*Iceland*
*The police arrest and deport the terrorists.*
*Finland*
Terrorist 6: There's a pile of leaves on the ground. Maybe he's under there. *He approaches the leaf pile and triggers another trap where a large heavy cage falls and traps him in it.* What the...?! It's heavy! Someone help get me out of this or find the key to the lock or something!
*As the terrorists get distracted trying to help each other out of the traps, Leku walks and passes by near the terrorists before wearing his ghillie suit to blend in with the woods more. The terrorists, of course, do not notice Leku.*
Terrorist 1: This isn't funny, Leku!
*Pearland, TX, USA*
Wrangler Wolf: Iceland? Why Iceland? Not to mention, they can't stop Leonhard! And Finland? Good luck finding the Silent Lion. I ain't know much about Finland, but it looks like they gonna be playin' hide and seek for a while there.
*Canada*
*An attorney, who is also a member of Parliament, volunteers to defend Captain Canada in court at Vancouver.*
Attorney: I will defend her.
Rainier: Perfect! We will right this wrong!
Kirk: You really do a better job being Prime Minister than Levi ever will.
Rainier: Well, I do my best to serve our nation.
Kirk: He can learn a lot from you.
*Washington, D.C.*
Zax: Good heavens! The strangely placed pile of leaves should be a dead giveaway that it's a trap! They fell for that, too!
Zachary: These terrorists really cannot see what they cannot hear, can they?
Zax: He's Leku the Silent Lion, after all.
Marshall: Finland's geography gives an instant homeland advantage for her defenders. With Leku in charge, victory is guaranteed on his side.
Mechayote: That's a lot of men trying to find one lion.
Shadow Hunter: Can they possibly be any more clueless?
*Finland*
*Leku doesn't say a word. Instead, he heads out of sight and then gives the police his location; immediately, they arrive on the scene.*
Leku: *in Finnish* This way!
Police 1: *in Finnish* What do these idiots want?
Leku: *in Finnish* Me.
*Washington, D.C.*
Leo: I doubt it. With any parallel, victory is guaranteed. That lot really is that stupid.
*Canada*
Captain Canada: Thank you so much!
*Applause.*
*Finland*
*The terrorists try to escape but hit several trip wires setting off flashbang grenades temporarily blinding and disorienting them. The police quickly intervenes as their vision clears up.*
Terrorist 1: How did you end up here so quickly?
*Leku unlocks the cage that trapped the terrorist as the police arrests him.*
Terrorist 6: Where were you hiding this whole time?
Police 2: Please remain silent.
Police 3: *In Finnish to Leku.* Good traps there! So these are the tabloid terrorists the others were talking about.
Leku: *In Finnish* That's them. Sadly, they really cannot see what they cannot hear.
Terrorist 3: You are a tricky one!
Police 4: *In Finnish* Let's get them in jail and file the deportation orders as quickly as possible.
Police 5: *In Finnish* Tell us the truth; are they really that dumb?
Leku: *In Finnish* I'm afraid so. It's so irritating!
*Washington, D.C.*
Juno: Finally, Leku got all of them: every single one of them!
*Canada*
Rainier: *To Lyon* Don't forget that it took all of this together this long to recover Levi's money back and clean up the rest of the mess he left behind over his meltdown back in France.
Noel: I hope this never happens again.
Kirk: More importantly is that I want Levi to understand the effort it took to bring all of this to the end and get his money back. This was a global effort.
*Finland*
Leku: *in Finnish* Good idea.
*Washington, D.C.*
Tom: Thank goodness that's over!
*Canada*
Lyon: Understood. I think Levi will understand as well. He showed that when he gave his apology after being a clown in the circus.
Cogent Cat: He did. Likewise, the public apologized to him for ridiculing him to the point where he's now in the Guinness Book of World Records. They're not giving him a plaque, however; that's just adding salt to the wounds. And his wounds need to heal.
Pristine Pianist: Maybe it will help him to sing; he can sing operatically. After all, music is good for the soul. Right now, let's just concentrate on getting all the money back.
Captain Canada: And getting me my job back.
*Hicksburg, TX, USA*
*The Fab 5 are watching the news.*
Masked Ranger: When you got robbed, Cody, you became a multi-millionaire in the end because the courts ordered Terry Leatherfeather to give you all his property and money. Will they do the same with Levi?
Cody: That depends on how many of them terrorists are involved, and how many of them aren't payin' nobody else. We still ain't out of the whole phase of "divorce your spouse and write them out of the wills" yet.
Bandit Bryce: I don't think we'll ever get out of that.
Leo: (narrating) I don't think we'll ever get out of that either. It illustrates how while CNG and IC2 are both dead forever, their aftereffects will take tens of thousands of years to wear off, assuming the Lord lets the Earth live that long. Everything is in His timing, after all.
Levon the Christian Lion: (narrating) And He makes it clear that if the people of this world will reject His truths, He lets them believe all the lies, and the chaos that ensues is how He punishes the world for their sins, even though He is simultaneously a loving God that is merciful. He will use these events to draw people back to Him, for He is the way, the truth, and the life. There's no other way to get into heaven.
The lies He is letting them believe, in the context of what we are discussing here, have to do with the whole fad of "humans are out, furries are in."
Super C: (narrating) As a result, Leo and his parallels are running the nations of the world, whether they're actual a head of state or not, since the aftereffects of CNG and IC2 ensured that whatever comes out of their mouth is treated as absolute law and obeyed to the letter. IC2's death resulted in any successors of it carrying on its agendas (assuming they're out there), and now the effects have spread to the G-52s and their allies as a whole. The G-52s and allies themselves (which, by the way, includes all those animals in the five documentation waves) are immune to each other if they do this, but none of us ever had a reason to boss the public around. What they do is none of our business (for the most part), and vice-versa. Some acts are worthy of our intentions, but not all of them are worthy of it.
Magical Drummer: (narrating) It could get us in big trouble if we let it get out of control. We must all learn from Levi's mistakes: orders are orders, but should never supersede common sense, and the one giving them should never supersede common sense. It's why I was such a nervous wreck when I found out how powerful I was.
Super C: (narrating) But he did the right thing in that instance; he came to me and asked me about it. That's how we roll as a superhero organization.
In the meantime, let me confirm that we were finally able to get a break from all this tabloid chaos, so that was a big relief. The question now was if Captain Canada was going to get her job back or not, but that's another story for another time. You'll want to see the results of that, won't you? Did you say yes? If you did, then keep it here for more G-52 adventures, some of which get more crazy than others.
Thanks, everybody, and get a good night's sleep now. Bye.
THE END
-----------------------------------------
Even More Tabloid Terrorism, Part 2
Leo the Patriotic Lion: (narrating) Leo the Patriotic Lion here again, and welcome back to our showcase of the absolute dumbest humans on the planet today: the tabloid terrorists. No women in this group; just men. (It's not because women are forbidden; there are just no women wanting to do this.) It all began when I got elected President of the United States, and the CNG effects went into overtime, because in the U.S. and select other nations, all the tabloids except for one (People Magazine, and they leave me alone) suddenly announce they are going out of business forever. It angered these people to the point of no return, because they had no other skills to do anything else. It also didn't help that their spouses filed for divorce and won custody of the kids.
One thing led to another, and now these people, many of whom were once members of STOPS, AOFUT, or TBTC, are using it as an excuse to carry out these crimes. However, they're now just straightforward terrorists, and many of their senseless and stupid acts are done strictly out of pure hate.
Levi the Mountee Lion: (narrating) This is why when we got them to confess that they stole all my money, they said they would have done this to me even if I hadn't blown it, and permanently ceded Machias Seal Island to the U.S. I have been apologizing for it ever since, and I seek both the Lord's and world's forgiveness. The Lord has forgiven me, and He showed it by protecting me in the form of transferring me to a different circus when I had to be a clown. I've since made some friends with the performers of Circus Delights, which will be the circus that employs me if I blow it again; if I do, I'll be a clown forever. The act won't necessarily be the same as it was, but I will be a clown forever.
To reinforce this, Circus Delights, an Eterna-based circus troupe, now has its earthly headquarters, so to speak, in Ottawa, our nation's capital. (Ottawa is in Ontario, just as Toronto is, if you're not sure where it is geographically.) Some of the performers are D-19 agents, so that will also help keep me in line. They weren't the ones giving me an earful about what I did, however. They were just following instructions. They did say to me that they were bothered by it, but it was best to just let me be a clown in the literal sense.
This journal entry focuses on the tabloid terrorists, their absolute stupidity, and how easy (and sometimes lethal) it was for the parallels to deal with him. In Round 1 of this wave, they attacked Vietnam, and in Round 2, they attacked Algeria. Now we move on to the nation for Round 3: Thailand.
Lek the Golden Lion: (narrating in English) These idiots would get a free lesson in the deadly martial art I practice: Muay Thai. Sometimes this is referred to as Thai boxing. Muay Thai is related to other martial art styles such as Muay Chaiya, Muay Boran, Muay Lao (practiced by my Lao counterpart, Loy the Mountain Lion), Lethwei (famously practiced by my counterpart from Myanmar, Lian the Lethwei Lion), Benjang and Tomoi. A practitioner of Muay Thai is known as a Nak Muay. Western practitioners in Thailand are sometimes called Nak Muay Farang, meaning "foreign boxer."
This is another case where I have to give a caution about what happens: if your brains, moral senses, or stomachs cannot handle these things, then turn off your computer, tablet, or smartphone, and purify your mind by going for a walk in the beautiful sunshine. But if you are willing to look, then go ahead and scroll on down below.
*Later, the tabloid terrorists strike Bangkok, the capital of Thailand. This time, there is a bank robbery as the rest of the civilians shelter-in-place. The bank workers are held hostage.*
*Bangkok, Thailand*
Terrorist 1: All right! Where is Lek the Golden Lion?!
Terrorist 2: And we're making this city our own paradise!
Terrorist 3: And it's not our fault that this city has a funny name! Now! First thing first! Does anyone here speak English?!
*The hostages shake their heads and are confused.*
Terrorist 4: Alright! I need someone to tell us where Lek is! None of us speak Thai here!
Lek: *Is casually walking right outside the bank despite it being surrounded by police.* Oh? It looks like we got uninvited guests.
Terrorist 1: You look like you understand us! Okay! I want you to ask them where Lek is in your language. Can you do that?
Hostage 1: *Nods nervously.* Ye... Yes.
Terrorist 1: Go ask them!
Hostage 2: *In Thai* Please don't kill me! I have a family!
Hostage 1: *In Thai* Do you know where Lek is?
Hostage 2: *In Thai* No.
Hostage 3: *In Thai* I didn't see him today.
Lek: I can answer this. *He punches his right arm through a wall and grabs a terrorist around his neck with his arm.*
Terrorist 1: *Is grabbed as he drops his gun and panics.* ACK! HELP! Something is around my neck!
*The hostages managed to escape as the police rushes in and arrest the terrorist that Lek got a hold of. Lek of course lets go and slides his arm back out of the wall.*
Lek: *In Thai* I'll pay for this and sorry but there's no quicker way to stop this. Now time for me to make an entrance! *He enters the bank and speaks in English.* I want all of you to come very close to me and throw everything you got at me up close!
Terrorist 2: Consider your wish granted! *He charges at Lek with a knife.*
Lek: *He grabs the terrorist by his wrist and gets him to jam his knife against a table.* Too slow! *He hands the terrorist off to another police.* All right! How about all you knuckleheads come at once to me?!
*Two more terrorists charge at Lek with punches, but the lion quickly uses both knees towards them, before flipping them over with his arms behind them as they fall to the ground quickly as the police arrests them.*
Terrorist 3: What happened?
Terrorist 4: I didn't see that coming.
Lek: I don't want two of you; I want ALL of you to come attack me at once!
Terrorist 5: And where's your weapons and armor? Are you even wearing Kevlar?
Lek: I have no need for them.
Terrorist 5: And you're surrounded by us, heavily armed and ready to rip you apart!
Lek: I don't care.
Terrorist 5: Fine then! Have it your way! *He charges at Lek with a metal bat.*
Lek: *He charges close and grabs the terrorist by his forearm and pulls him close before striking with his elbow from his other arm sending the terrorist flying as he knocks another terrorist over.* Indeed; I'll have it my way then.
Terrorist 6: Everybody stop him right now!
*The terrorists charge at Lek at once with various melee weapons.*
Lek: Now we're talking!
Police 1: *In Thai* Lek is lightning fast with his Muay Thai!
Police 2: *In Thai* I thought the world knows his Muay Thai skills. Apparently, these foreign terrorists don't.
Police 3: *In Thai to Weather Wolf.* Why are you just standing there drinking Thai tea with boba? Aren't you going to help Lek out?
Weather Wolf: *In Thai as he shows the messages from his communicator to the police.* Lek specifically ordered me not to intervene, but just stand nearby here and watch.
Police 3: *In Thai* But they have guns!
Terrorist 6: *Gets hit with an elbow strike as he flies out of the bank through a window breaking it as his AKM leaves his hands and slides out on the ground towards Weather Wolf before landing right in front of him.* What kind of lion is he?! It's like everything he touches packs a punch!
Police 3: *In Thai* Oh. I see.
Weather Wolf: *In English to the terrorist.* Are you really sure he's using his fists?
Terrorist 6: He has to be! He just came right close to me when I was behind him and bam! He sent me flying and here I am suddenly!
Weather Wolf: I see something different from him. *To the police in Thai.* Arrest this terrorist and deport him.
Police 3: *In Thai* Yes, sir! *He arrests the terrorist to take him to jail for processing before deporting him.*
*A terrorist tries to use the stock of his AKM to hit Lek on his head from behind but Lek suddenly ducks as he performs an elbow strike that breaks the gun in half with ease before hitting the terrorist on his chest. Because the terrorist was running towards Lek, he suddenly finds himself sliding on the ground on his back towards the police as they managed to catch him before arresting him.*
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: Great; now they're attacking Thailand.
Kirk: Against a lion who is a Muay Thai master? Ouch! He's going to send those terrorists flying and bruised! Stupid mistake right there!
Rainier: Start praying that they don't go after Leng the Bokator Lion; he's arguably worse!
Leng the Bokator Lion: (narrating in English) They definitely don't want to mess with me, or any of us. Instant KO if they do.
Lennart the Viking Lion: (narrating in English) Or worse, suppose they try to have a go at me. The pressure is on for all of us, but me especially, to control ourselves and not go berserk. You all know what happens when I do go berserk.
*Washington, D.C.*
Zachary: WHOA! Those guys are learning the hard way of why not to mess with Lek or any of the martial arts lions! Lek is on fire!
Juno: He's putting his Muay Thai into good use for sure!
Zax: That's a whole lot of ouch!
Marshall: If John Wick was Thai, that's basically what happens.
Zachary: Looks like Lek will need to call in a dinner reservation for twenty.
Zax: That's more than twenty defeated tabloid terrorists right there!
Mechayote: More than twenty tabloid terrorists who thought it would totally be a good idea to go after Lek, only to hand their butts to them instantly.
*Hanoi, Vietnam*
Chuong: *In Vietnamese* Yup! I called it! Now those terrorists are getting a free lesson in Muay Thai from Lek.
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*Lek's actions are the latest things to go viral on social media, racking up 2 billion views per platform. On YouTube alone, it hits 10 billion.*
Lek: *to Weather Wolf in Thai* Okay; I got them all. Help me free those hostages!
Police 4: *in Thai* Wow; are these foreigners really that dumb?
Lek: *in Thai* I'm afraid so.
*Vietnam*
Luong the Hidden Lion: *in Vietnamese* A very painful one.
*Canada*
Lyon the Northern Lion: I don't want to watch! *His communicator beeps.* Oh. Well, what do you know?
Captain Canada: Well, the whole world did watch Levi be a clown. Now they want to give him his money back after all.
Lyon: It must be the other half of the debate. There are campaigns telling everybody to hail Levi a hero, not a disgrace, because his actions killed off IC2. I'm not taking sides, though.
Cogent Cat: Just promise us you won't make any snap decisions of your own if you do get the job afterwards.
Lyon: I promise. Meanwhile, I nominate Rachel here to be the ambassador if I am elected.
Captain Canada: I can work with that if it comes to that. I unfairly got laid off from my other job repairing and supervising traffic lights because I wouldn't join the crowd of people that were furious with Levi.
Furious Fox: Which makes me angry, but I can't show it. We're Canadians; we must be polite.
*Meanwhile, T2's hacking job exposes the companies who sold these terrorists their weapons, all of whom immediately go out of business. They announce Levi can have his money back, and work overtime to make it happen. At this point, however, the terrorists can only be arrested and have their weapons destroyed or confiscated.*
Levi: (narrating) The IOC had also announced that because they got such a good laugh out of me being a clown, they decided to go ahead and refund/reimburse me after all for the portion of the Olympic Games that I missed as a result of giving away the island forever. This, however, was T2 exposing all the companies that sold the weapons to the terrorists that bought them using the money they stole from me. Now they're working overtime to get me my money back.
Meanwhile, it is also worth knowing that because IC2 decided to spend all its time and effort torturing me, ultimately leading to its death, it trigged other kinds of demons that began to battle against my inner self. These are the kind Cripto slays on a regular basis, being one of the seven princes of heart as well as a light agent in the D-19.
Cripto: (narrating) So my superiors commanded me to get rid of them. By doing so, it would make it easier for Levi to cope with and reduce stress when somebody talks to him about his past. And while he needed the stern lectures about it, it was getting out of control, and so disciplinary actions had to be taken on the ones that were lecturing him. (These did not include the grand high masters of the elements. These were other animals that evidently had problems of their own.)
Captain Canada: (narrating) Meanwhile, the City of Vancouver, under new management, so to speak, had indeed fired me from my job as a traffic light supervisor (although I worked on other projects as well, all meant to properly control the flow of traffic in the city), because I wouldn't join in with the masses of people ridiculing, mocking, and harassing Levi. "No; I won't harass him," I said. "He's still a G-52! I don't diss my fellow G-52s, even if they do rash things!"
"Then consider yourself unemployed!" the city said to me. "You're fired!" In a way, I got a taste of it myself.
Super C: (narrating) This makes her the first G-52 that ever got involved in a lawsuit as the plaintiff (as far as I know).
*Washington, D.C.*
Leo: It used to be said that the old version of Bendraqi had sunk lower than Adolf Hitler. These men have gone even lower than that.
Judge Marcus: If you're lower than that level, you're never going to make it back to the surface.
*Switzerland*
*The IOC announces that because they were so impressed with Levi's clown performance, they decide they are going to reimburse him after all.*
*Eterna*
*As Levi continues his anger management courses, Cripto arrives to check on him.*
Levi: Oh, hi.
Cripto: Hi. How are you feeling right now?
Levi: Better than I was, but I think I'm going to have a harder time living this down than the last time.
Cripto: With those photos?
Levi: Uh-huh.
Cripto: Well, I've been sent to see how you are doing. Plus, the boss said he's not ready to let you go just yet. A suggestion was made, which he approved, and that's this: if you give into those inner demons you are fighting, and you give up your Canadian citizenship and move to this world forever, requests are going to be put in that you spend the rest of your life being a clown with that circus you were a part of a while ago.
Levi: That's understandable. The ringmaster did say I was a fast learner, and that he was wishing I'd join full-time anyway. The greatest battle you fight is the one against yourself, and I'm losing it spectacularly.
Cripto: All of us have that struggle. I did. Now let me see here.
*He then scans Levi with his powers.*
Levi: What are you doing?
Cripto: Scanning. The white kitten (Zanta) called me to do a purge if necessary. *He gets the results.* Yes. Lay down on the couch here and hold still.
Levi: Uh, okay.
*He does so as Cripto vanishes into the darkness (prompted by a different Eternal), and begins fighting (and slaying) a specific batch of demons he was commanded to fight. It takes about 39 minutes, but he does manage to get them all, thanks to the help of his magic sword, Invincican. When he returns to the infirmary, with sword in hand, Levi's mind has been freed from the demons.*
Cripto: Whew! That was exhausting.
Levi: I don't know what you did, but thank you so much. I feel so much better now. Now it will be easier to cope with all these things.
Cripto: You're welcome. Just remember to think logically before you speak, okay?
Levi: Sure.
*Cripto sets his sword down, as Levi gets back up, and the two embrace. A tear or two escapes Levi's eyes.*
Cripto: You got this, Levi.
Levi: Thanks.
Levi: (narrating) I'm still not sure about what he did, but I am very grateful for it. Shortly after he was done, we got word of what was happening in Thailand. At this point, though, they were all arrested. Then we learned about Captain Canada, and I agreed that she should have her job back.
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*Weather Wolf enters the bank to help the police free the hostages.*
Hostage 4: *In Thai* Where were you?
Weather Wolf: *In Thai* I was told by Lek to stand outside and protect the police.
Hostage 4: *In Thai* I see. But Lek is fast!
Weather Wolf: *In Thai* I know.
Hostage 5: *In Thai* I finally get to see my Prime Minister save us like this! He is truly the best!
*The police arrests the terrorists before deporting them.*
Hostage 6: *In Thai* I thought everybody in the world knew what Lek's Muay Thai is like! They didn't think he'd be that fast did they?
Hostage 7: *In Thai* Probably not.
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: *To Captain Canada* If they let you go because of your political views, this is discrimination and I will open an investigation into your company. Companies hire people to perform jobs on behalf of them, not to carry political agendas! This is how companies engage in lobbying to influence the government and the elections. I thought there would be no more of this! *He let's Parliament know about Captain Canada being let go from her job due to her refusal to protest against Levi.*
Politician 1: That is discrimination!
Politician 2: Now that's a lawsuit right there!
Politician 3: The investigation is now open on her company for discrimination.
Rainier: Canada is a country that promotes harmony and community along with human rights! There will be no discrimination based on political views because that's what happened under Trudeau and I will not allow this mistake to be repeated again! Not under my watch as Prime Minister of Canada!
Noel: Levi can learn a thing or two from your leadership as our Prime Minister.
*Washington, D.C.*
Zachary: Joseph Stalin was worse than Hitler. He didn't even save his own son from jail despite being dictator at the time.
Marshall: They all talk about Hitler, but they forget about Stalin. Stalin, without a doubt, killed more people than Hitler did. Also, the gulags. Just ask Leonid what he had to see under Stalin. He's got a lot. Luitpold is lucky to be born way after Hitler's death, so he never had to witness his acts.
Zax: Wow; these terrorists are really that dumb not to know that Lek is a master of Muay Thai. No wonder why he sent them flying!
Luitpold the Germanic Lion: (narrating in English) I am indeed grateful that I wasn't from that time period.
Leonid the Cold Lion: (narrating in English) I didn't have it so lucky, though. I did have to witness everything Stalin ever did. It wasn't an excuse for the meltdowns I had, but as with the other parallels (excluding Levi), I did learn from my mistakes, and I am still atoning for them.
Don't worry about Levi; he will learn from this even if it kills him (figurately, not literally, of course).
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*All the hostages are now freed.*
*Ottawa, Canada*
Furious Fox: All of us can learn something valuable from you.
Captain Canada: Exactly.
Politician 2: Wait; what did you used to do?
Captain Canada: The city of Vancouver employed me to supervise and repair traffic lights. How was I supposed to know they were full of Levi haters? They're definitely getting another thing coming now. However, I have stated, ladies and gentlemen, that I am willing to apply for an ambassador position to the U.S., in the event the public chooses Lyon to be our next official Prime Minister. Rainier is just the interim PM right now.
Cogent Cat: *to Rainier* I hope you don't get a headache from this.
*Washington, D.C.*
Leo: *to Zachary* That's true. I think Hitler is just the one everybody thinks about the most.
*Our communicators beep, telling us about the case with Captain Canada.*
Tom the Patriotic Tiger: Wait; what? That's not a legitimate reason to fire somebody.
Leo: No; it is not. She was let go because she wouldn't join the crowds of people ridiculing Levi. She stood up for her fellow G-52s instead. Now that's what we expect to see in this organization. Rainier has seen quite a lot of action in his first few days as acting Prime Minister.
*WC, KS, USA*
*Some other G-52s are in Cripto's basement socializing when they get the news.*
Cripto: So they fired her because she wouldn't laugh at Levi and harass him?
Magical Drummer: Well, that's a load of balderdash!
Super C: As I said to Levi once, "While I was cross with your snap decision, the bulk of my anger wasn't directed at you, but the people laughing at you and harassing you." This will show him what he started, no doubt.
*Cripto then mentions his D-19 mission to Super C, purifying Levi from the demons attacking him.*
Super C: Oh, good. That will be a big help to him.
Cripto: He still has to show he learned his lessons, but this should shrink the temptations to dwell on the past.
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: I feel like I'm cleaning up a huge mess that Levi left behind, but I'm not the type to give up easily. The city of Vancouver will pay for this wrongful termination.
Kirk: As they should. Vancouver needs better leadership.
*Washington D.C.*
Zax: I feel bad for Rainier, since it seems like he's cleaning up the mess Levi left behind since the drone-spying scandal.
Juno: I want this to blow over soon and get all of Levi's money back.
*Pakistan*
*There are police raids and seizures against individuals and businesses who sold components to the tabloid terrorists.*
Police 1: *In Urdu to Layth.* We found the culprits who sold components to the tabloid terrorists!
Police 2: *In Urdu* They did business online with Levi's money!
Criminal 1: *In Urdu* I was just doing my own business online!
Criminal 2: *In Urdu* This is an outrage!
Criminal 3: *In Urdu* Get your hands off my 3D printer!
Police 3: *In Urdu* If you're going to use it illegally and put others in danger like that, you don't deserve one in the first place.
Layth the Mughal Lion: (narrating in English) And so we have another plot twist here; we now know what was purchased with that stolen cash.
*Bangkok, Thailand*
*The all-clear is given as everybody returns back to their lives.*
Weather Wolf: *In Thai to Lek.* Let's celebrate our victory in the city of Pattaya and relax there. Their beach is among the most popular in our country.
*Ottawa, Canada*
Captain Canada: I feel bad for you, then.
*The communicators beep.*
Cogent Cat: Oh, wait a minute. Look what's going on in Pakistan.
Furious Fox: So that's who sold them the weaponry. Wait until Levi hears about this.
Cogent Cat: As long as he doesn't snap.
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: Likewise. *His communicator beeps again.* Oh, look at this. This is going to give Layth a headache.
Tom: So the terrorists used Levi's money to buy 3D printed weapons?
C.I.D.F. Commander Anderson: *white lion serving as C.I.D.F. Chief Director of Music* This is getting out of control.
*Pakistan*
*Layth glares at the criminals.*
Layth: *in Urdu* I hope you're satisfied; this will ensure you spend the rest of your lives in prison! Your customers used those weapons with money they stole from my Canadian counterpart! *to the police* Get them out of my face!
*The criminals are arrested.*
Layth: (narrating in English) If nothing else, this also proves the second law of thermodynamics holds true. The universe is deteriorating and getting worse. This is also illustrated by the fact humanity is getting dumber and dumber.
We'll see this again as we move to the nations for Round 4 and 5: Finland and Iceland.
Leku the Silent Lion: (narrating in English) And as with the other three rounds, I took them down all by myself.
Leonhard the Mighty Lion: (narrating in English) By definition, Round 4 happened in Finland, while Round 5 happened in Iceland, and both happened at the same time.
*Later, the tabloid terrorists invade Finland as the country's sirens go off prompting everybody to close up shop, stay home, seek shelter, and close their windows and curtains.*
*Finland*
Terrorist 1: I'm not even going to bother reading the signs here!
Terrorist 2: How do Finnish people understand each other?!
Terrorist 3: Does anyone speak English?
Soldier 1: *In Finnish to the civilians.* Go, go, go!
Soldier 2: *In English* I do!
Soldier 3: *In Finnish* Don't get yourself killed!
Terrorist 3: Where is Leku the Silent Lion?
Soldier 2: He is in Kaivantopuisto.
Terrorist 2: He is in where?
Terrorist 3: I can't pronounce what he just said.
Terrorist 4: Phones can translate spoken words into their typed forms. *He uses his phone to record the soldier's voice. Where is Leku?
Soldier 2: Kaivantopuisto. *His words show up in its correct spelling in the phone.*
Terrorist 4: Thanks! *He looks at his phone.* So that's that it says. *He uses the phone's GPS to find Kaivantopuisto.* We go there to find Leku!
Terrorist 5: This is going to be fun!
Soldier 2: *In Finnish* Leku is going to have fun with them. He told me to tell them that. Believe me, he knows what he's doing.
Soldier 3: *In Finnish* It's basically a park with trees and hills. Typical Finnish park.
*The terrorists arrive at Kaivantopuisto.*
Terrorist 1: Okay, then. Here we are in the middle of nowhere. Just hills and trees.
Terrorist 2: There appears to be a pile of leaves and branches with a string sticking out of.
Leku: *To himself silently in English as he watches the terrorists look for him in such a clueless manner while hiding up in a tree.* My goodness; they possibly can't be that stupid to fall for my obvious traps! Anyone should see that! Let's see where this goes.
Terrorist 3: He's clearly here.
Terrorist 2: *He falls into a trap and suddenly finds himself trapped in a net hanging from a tree.* Somebody help!
*Leku facepalms and remains hidden.*
Terrorist 3: Show yourself, Leku!
Terrorist 4: *He steps on a tripwire triggering a bola wrap gun, which fires binding wire around his upper body trapping his AKM with him.* What the...?! Guys? I can't move my arms! They're stuck with my body!
Terrorist 5: That does it! *He starts brandishing a knife.* Come out wherever you're hiding from!
*Leku hides in another tree and watches the terrorists. He is astonished by how clueless they are.*
*Washington, D.C.*
Juno: Now they're in Finland of all places and already they're getting booby trapped left and right like it's Vietnam!
Zax: How did they not see that the string sticking out from the pile of branches and leaves is clearly a trap?
*Iceland*
*Civilians managed to quickly capture the terrorists with catchpoles.*
Terrorist 1: There's so many of you!
Civilian 1: Who are you and what do you want from Leonhard?!
Civilian 2: Why are you here?!
Leonhard: *He walks by and shows up.* Oh? Did someone say they're looking for me?
Terrorist 2: Dude! Where is your shirt?! It's freaking cold outside!
Terrorist 1: You know what? We don't want to see Leonhard!
Terrorist 3: Holy cow, dude! Why are you so tall and huge?! What kind of gym do you go to?!
Terrorist 4: Holy Goliath; your hands are massive! Everybody! Let us go!
Terrorist 5: Good heavens; you're bigger than I thought! Stay right there!
Terrorist 6: No... You look like you play in shows like Game of Thrones. What the heck kind of workout routine do you do that makes you so big and muscular?
Civilian 3: You wanted to see Leonhard; now you got your wish!
Civilian 4: *In Icelandic* Are these the tabloid terrorists the news were talking about?
Civilian 5: *In Icelandic* That's them! I don't know why they're here in Iceland!
Terrorist 7: Good heavens... You are so tall... How?
Terrorist 8: What are you taking that makes you that freaking huge and strong?!
Leonhard: It's not drugs, if that's what you're thinking.
Terrorist 5: Okay; just let us go and we can go home already! We're just lost in Iceland with no intentions of seeing Leonhard!
*Ottawa, Canada*
Rainier: Now they're in Iceland... Big mistake right there! That's basically begging for the worst of consequences right there. And Finland? Why? Why Finland?
Courtney: They're hunting a general who's also a professional sniper. That's not going to go well for the terrorists.
*Denmark*
Lenarth: *In Danish* These terrorists possibly cannot be that stupid, but I can feel their presence coming into the Danish Realm. If they come here, I will be ready for them. (narrating in English) I had to be prepared for a possible Round 6 of this wave.
Alpha: *In Danish* If they even make it here.
Ice Pirate: *In Danish* It's a good thing we are an exception to the "We don't talk about Lennart!" rule, because Denmark has very long shared history with Sweden and we are both Viking nations. Our enemies need Lenarth to protect them from Lennart because Lennart does not need Lenarth to protect him.
Alpha: *In Danish* True. Meanwhile, they're in Finland, looking for Leku. As they say, some cannot see what they cannot hear. And Iceland? What did Leonhard do that warrants these terrorists' attention?
*Finland*
Leku's silent thoughts: Are their brains poisoned? I've never seen anybody THAT stupid! They are just begging for me to send them to the afterlife!
*Iceland*
Leonhard: *to the terrorists* Too bad. You saw me. *to the police in Icelandic* Okay; get them out of here. *to himself in English* Wow; they really are that stupid.s
*Washington, D.C., USA*
Leo: *to himself silently, as if he's praying* Please don't let them enter the Kingdom of Sweden. One look at Lennart and they're going to die.
*Canada*
Cogent Cat: The sooner this ends, the better.
*Furious Fox facepalms.*
Captain Canada: This is getting out of control. On the other hand, I just learned that T2 finished the bank job, so to speak, so Levi should have all his money back by now and then some. Part 2 for me is to find an attorney to win the lawsuit regarding me getting terminated for the wrong reasons.
Pristine Pianist: Well, that explains the protests outside.
*Outside, protestors with signs, joined by the Maple Marcher and his marching bands, are protesting against Captain Canada getting fired because she wouldn't ridicule Levi, but instead, stood true to the Code of Conduct and her personal beliefs.*
*WC, KS, USA*
Doughty Dog: Now they're going to Finland and Iceland?
Super C: They aren't going to last 10 seconds there.
Cripto: They're only doing it to themselves. My family's church's pastor said he believes in multiple levels of hell; there will be a special place down there for these terrorists.
*Pearland, TX, USA*
Sandstormer: *to Wrangler Wolf* I don't know if I'm watching the real news broadcasts or a sketch from SNL (Saturday Night Live); these terrorist have to be the dumbest people in the history of mankind. They're lucky CNG and IC2 aren't around to speed up their deaths. Now they're in Finland and Iceland.
*Iceland*
*The police arrest and deport the terrorists.*
*Finland*
Terrorist 6: There's a pile of leaves on the ground. Maybe he's under there. *He approaches the leaf pile and triggers another trap where a large heavy cage falls and traps him in it.* What the...?! It's heavy! Someone help get me out of this or find the key to the lock or something!
*As the terrorists get distracted trying to help each other out of the traps, Leku walks and passes by near the terrorists before wearing his ghillie suit to blend in with the woods more. The terrorists, of course, do not notice Leku.*
Terrorist 1: This isn't funny, Leku!
*Pearland, TX, USA*
Wrangler Wolf: Iceland? Why Iceland? Not to mention, they can't stop Leonhard! And Finland? Good luck finding the Silent Lion. I ain't know much about Finland, but it looks like they gonna be playin' hide and seek for a while there.
*Canada*
*An attorney, who is also a member of Parliament, volunteers to defend Captain Canada in court at Vancouver.*
Attorney: I will defend her.
Rainier: Perfect! We will right this wrong!
Kirk: You really do a better job being Prime Minister than Levi ever will.
Rainier: Well, I do my best to serve our nation.
Kirk: He can learn a lot from you.
*Washington, D.C.*
Zax: Good heavens! The strangely placed pile of leaves should be a dead giveaway that it's a trap! They fell for that, too!
Zachary: These terrorists really cannot see what they cannot hear, can they?
Zax: He's Leku the Silent Lion, after all.
Marshall: Finland's geography gives an instant homeland advantage for her defenders. With Leku in charge, victory is guaranteed on his side.
Mechayote: That's a lot of men trying to find one lion.
Shadow Hunter: Can they possibly be any more clueless?
*Finland*
*Leku doesn't say a word. Instead, he heads out of sight and then gives the police his location; immediately, they arrive on the scene.*
Leku: *in Finnish* This way!
Police 1: *in Finnish* What do these idiots want?
Leku: *in Finnish* Me.
*Washington, D.C.*
Leo: I doubt it. With any parallel, victory is guaranteed. That lot really is that stupid.
*Canada*
Captain Canada: Thank you so much!
*Applause.*
*Finland*
*The terrorists try to escape but hit several trip wires setting off flashbang grenades temporarily blinding and disorienting them. The police quickly intervenes as their vision clears up.*
Terrorist 1: How did you end up here so quickly?
*Leku unlocks the cage that trapped the terrorist as the police arrests him.*
Terrorist 6: Where were you hiding this whole time?
Police 2: Please remain silent.
Police 3: *In Finnish to Leku.* Good traps there! So these are the tabloid terrorists the others were talking about.
Leku: *In Finnish* That's them. Sadly, they really cannot see what they cannot hear.
Terrorist 3: You are a tricky one!
Police 4: *In Finnish* Let's get them in jail and file the deportation orders as quickly as possible.
Police 5: *In Finnish* Tell us the truth; are they really that dumb?
Leku: *In Finnish* I'm afraid so. It's so irritating!
*Washington, D.C.*
Juno: Finally, Leku got all of them: every single one of them!
*Canada*
Rainier: *To Lyon* Don't forget that it took all of this together this long to recover Levi's money back and clean up the rest of the mess he left behind over his meltdown back in France.
Noel: I hope this never happens again.
Kirk: More importantly is that I want Levi to understand the effort it took to bring all of this to the end and get his money back. This was a global effort.
*Finland*
Leku: *in Finnish* Good idea.
*Washington, D.C.*
Tom: Thank goodness that's over!
*Canada*
Lyon: Understood. I think Levi will understand as well. He showed that when he gave his apology after being a clown in the circus.
Cogent Cat: He did. Likewise, the public apologized to him for ridiculing him to the point where he's now in the Guinness Book of World Records. They're not giving him a plaque, however; that's just adding salt to the wounds. And his wounds need to heal.
Pristine Pianist: Maybe it will help him to sing; he can sing operatically. After all, music is good for the soul. Right now, let's just concentrate on getting all the money back.
Captain Canada: And getting me my job back.
*Hicksburg, TX, USA*
*The Fab 5 are watching the news.*
Masked Ranger: When you got robbed, Cody, you became a multi-millionaire in the end because the courts ordered Terry Leatherfeather to give you all his property and money. Will they do the same with Levi?
Cody: That depends on how many of them terrorists are involved, and how many of them aren't payin' nobody else. We still ain't out of the whole phase of "divorce your spouse and write them out of the wills" yet.
Bandit Bryce: I don't think we'll ever get out of that.
Leo: (narrating) I don't think we'll ever get out of that either. It illustrates how while CNG and IC2 are both dead forever, their aftereffects will take tens of thousands of years to wear off, assuming the Lord lets the Earth live that long. Everything is in His timing, after all.
Levon the Christian Lion: (narrating) And He makes it clear that if the people of this world will reject His truths, He lets them believe all the lies, and the chaos that ensues is how He punishes the world for their sins, even though He is simultaneously a loving God that is merciful. He will use these events to draw people back to Him, for He is the way, the truth, and the life. There's no other way to get into heaven.
The lies He is letting them believe, in the context of what we are discussing here, have to do with the whole fad of "humans are out, furries are in."
Super C: (narrating) As a result, Leo and his parallels are running the nations of the world, whether they're actual a head of state or not, since the aftereffects of CNG and IC2 ensured that whatever comes out of their mouth is treated as absolute law and obeyed to the letter. IC2's death resulted in any successors of it carrying on its agendas (assuming they're out there), and now the effects have spread to the G-52s and their allies as a whole. The G-52s and allies themselves (which, by the way, includes all those animals in the five documentation waves) are immune to each other if they do this, but none of us ever had a reason to boss the public around. What they do is none of our business (for the most part), and vice-versa. Some acts are worthy of our intentions, but not all of them are worthy of it.
Magical Drummer: (narrating) It could get us in big trouble if we let it get out of control. We must all learn from Levi's mistakes: orders are orders, but should never supersede common sense, and the one giving them should never supersede common sense. It's why I was such a nervous wreck when I found out how powerful I was.
Super C: (narrating) But he did the right thing in that instance; he came to me and asked me about it. That's how we roll as a superhero organization.
In the meantime, let me confirm that we were finally able to get a break from all this tabloid chaos, so that was a big relief. The question now was if Captain Canada was going to get her job back or not, but that's another story for another time. You'll want to see the results of that, won't you? Did you say yes? If you did, then keep it here for more G-52 adventures, some of which get more crazy than others.
Thanks, everybody, and get a good night's sleep now. Bye.
THE END
Even More Tabloid Terrorism (Part 2)
More misadventures of the world's dumbest criminals: the tabloid terrorists. I had to divide this into 2 parts since it was so big of a story; this is Part 2 and the finale.
Parallels of Leo are joint-owned by me and
Chuong, as are select individual G-52s (i.e. Blazing Blade and Tea Blade)
Leo himself, G-52 organization, C.I.D.F., Drumbums, etc. © me and me alone
The Incredibles © Disney
Previous: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58060126/
Story details:
G-52 organization, Drumbums, Circus of the Superstars, and other such groups © me and me alone.
Some G-52s are joint-owned by me and Chuong; see my bios gallery for which is which.
UN1024s, AIRAF, GSAF, Royal Pagans, and other such groups © Chuong alone
D-19 ©
16weeks
Blue, Toppet Kingdom, etc. ©
BlueMario1016
G-52 logo drawn by
zakavatarz; the world of Noah and all associates thereof © him and him alone
Current icon of me drawn by
pimpartist
Any canon characters mentioned © all who own the rights.
All music, movies, or television shows referenced © all who own the rights
Parallels of Leo are joint-owned by me and
Chuong, as are select individual G-52s (i.e. Blazing Blade and Tea Blade)Leo himself, G-52 organization, C.I.D.F., Drumbums, etc. © me and me alone
The Incredibles © Disney
Previous: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58060126/
Story details:
G-52 organization, Drumbums, Circus of the Superstars, and other such groups © me and me alone.
Some G-52s are joint-owned by me and
Chuong; see my bios gallery for which is which.UN1024s, AIRAF, GSAF, Royal Pagans, and other such groups ©
Chuong aloneD-19 ©
16weeksBlue, Toppet Kingdom, etc. ©
BlueMario1016G-52 logo drawn by
zakavatarz; the world of Noah and all associates thereof © him and him aloneCurrent icon of me drawn by
pimpartistAny canon characters mentioned © all who own the rights.
All music, movies, or television shows referenced © all who own the rights
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 41.2 kB
Zachary: How fun! Those terrorists are dumber than the old Bendraqi that one of their first acts in hunting Leo's parallels is choosing the one who is famously known for practicing Muay Thai. Flying elbows and knee strikes from everywhere at close range in seconds!
Chuong: That's a whole lot of ouch!
Juno: At lightning speed!
Zax: Lek is one of the last parallels anyone should be messing with.
Weather Wolf: They knew; they just weren't convinced until now.
Finisher: And then there's Leku. How stupid does one have to be to hunt down a special operations general in Finland like that? Leku lured those terrorists right into his traps without using much effort. As they say, in Finland, if Leku captures you, nobody can hear you scream in the forests.
Chuong: That's a whole lot of ouch!
Juno: At lightning speed!
Zax: Lek is one of the last parallels anyone should be messing with.
Weather Wolf: They knew; they just weren't convinced until now.
Finisher: And then there's Leku. How stupid does one have to be to hunt down a special operations general in Finland like that? Leku lured those terrorists right into his traps without using much effort. As they say, in Finland, if Leku captures you, nobody can hear you scream in the forests.
Sandstormer: As I said to my fellow Texan (Wrangler Wolf) here, "I don't know if I am watching the real news or a sketch off SNL (Saturday Night Live)." Everybody laughs at the stupidity of these people.
Leo: That's what happens when you act out of pure hatred. The tabloid terrorists always do this.
Super C: They're worse than the old Bendraqi, no doubt.
Bendraqi: No kidding.
Leo: That's what happens when you act out of pure hatred. The tabloid terrorists always do this.
Super C: They're worse than the old Bendraqi, no doubt.
Bendraqi: No kidding.
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