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Chapter 15

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“How much further have you got to go?” one woman asked us the next day.

“No idea,” I said.  “Some lists take longer than others.  I do hope you’ve enjoyed the free music performances, though.  It helps us illustrate why CNG showed bias in its transformations, and why it wanted a music-dominated planet, with a male-dominated society in charge.  It didn’t respect women’s rights or some of those other touchy subjects that run the risk of starting an argument.”  (Super C has me as an ally to the G-52s, so I must abide by the Code of Conduct.  Thus, I said what I said here.)

“No; it’s okay.  I guess I just lost track of how many days this took.  I watched those other waves via a YouTube live stream.”

“Thank you for your patience, madam.”

“You’re welcome.”

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315. Today, we began with three lions wearing sparkly green tuxedos, although one had a green bowtie and the other two had a black bowtie.  All three were wearing the black pants to go with it.  All three had also attended the same game show convention, and the first lion was wearing a green top hat to represent his role as overall emcee of the convention.  “Was it fun?” we asked.

“Oh, yes; absolutely,” said the lion.  “One of the best things I’ve ever done.”

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316. Four red foxes serving as construction workers.

317. Two red foxes and a vixen (female fox) working as plumbers.  The vixen owned her own plumbing business, of which the other two foxes were employed.

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318. Eight coyotes all wearing white karate gi, all active in the sport.  Two had a brown belt, three had a red belt, and the other three had made it to the black belt.

319. Eight wolves also wearing karate gi; there were three brown wolves, one red wolf, and three gray wolves.  Only one of the wolves had made it all the way to the black belt.  Two of them had red belts, and the others were wearing blue belts.

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320. Two golden retrievers wearing t-shirts and blue jeans.  They lived in the upper parts of the U.S. where they frequently spent winters kindly helping their neighbors clear the driveways.  Otherwise, they were both just fast food workers.

321. A female unicorn wearing a pink royal drum major uniform with white pants, gold highlights, and a pink shako with another unicorn as the gold logo.  She played the flute.  She initially thought she was a Pegasus because she had grown wings, and could make them appear and disappear as needed.  “I’ve never seen a unicorn with wings,” she commented, “but the horn is on my head here.”

“Then we’ll just say you’re a winged unicorn for the sake of argument,” Super C replied as he and the C.I.D.F. continued taking notes.

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We then paused for another international report, where three soldiers in the Canadian army had become lions.  The one that spoke to Super C said, “I do realize Leo is an all-time common name for a lion, but that was chosen because my surname is Major.  Thus, my name is the same as one of our greatest heroes, Leo Major.”

“So it was done on purpose; I see,” Super C nodded.  “I’ve heard many stories about the human soldier named Leo Major, and how our raccoon friend Rainier Belrose’s achievements have led people to compare the two.  I frequently get letters from the public who share their names with famous historical icons, past and present.”

“Understandable.”

“How do you like Levi as your Prime Minister?”

“I know he had the one bad slip-up, but when you add it all up, he still did more for Canada and anyone else ever did.”

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322. Then we had nineteen lions and three lionesses all wearing t-shirts and blue jeans come up next.  While they were also various blue-collar workers, they formed their friendship through their regular meetings where they’d play board games and card games.  “Obviously that doesn’t include casino games,” one lion said, “because we don’t gamble.  We may have tried playing the games just on a casual basis, but we don’t actually gamble.”

“You wouldn’t want to start; believe me,” Super C replied.  “It’s too dangerous; it gets addicting really fast.”

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323. Four Bengal tigers that were in the process of becoming professional baseball players.  All of them were at the AAA level of the furry side of the minor leagues, but hadn’t made it to the major leagues yet.  Their positions were catcher, shortstop, first base, and second base, respectively.

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324. Four more Bengal tiger percussionists wearing green drum major uniforms, two of which had ended up half-naked, although one of them said he’d never seen “The Adventures of Drummer Dog.”  Still, he accepted it.

All four tigers had different variations of the uniform, even though they all wore green jackets.  The first one had golden highlights on his jacket, gray pants with a green stripe, and a gold logo that was hard to decipher.  He wore a white plume on the shako.

“Uh, what is that?” we asked when we tried to figure out what the logo was.

“I’m not sure myself,” said the tiger as he took his shako off and looked at it.  “It almost looks like somebody’s blanket wrapped around a tornado.  It was supposed to be a gold star because I had gone to that circus convention.”

“Will you get a newer shako soon?” I asked.

“I believe so.  This is a horrible logo.”  (The new shako would contain the gold star.)

“I agree; it’s disrespectful to all marching bands and drum corps everywhere,” the Cat added.  “Whoever did this should have just used the harp symbol, like the one on my tar bucket here.”  (Cadets at West Point traditionally use the slang term “tar bucket” to refer to the shakos they wear.  Even I do so.)

“Keep in touch,” Super C added.  “I’m getting suspicious, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions.”

“I will do that, sir,” the tiger promised, giving us the military salute.  “I will help you solve the mystery any way I can.”

The four tigers were all brothers, so the others also promised they’d help out any way they could.  The second tiger then presented himself, and he had a green jacket with gold highlights, beige pants with a green stripe, and a peaked cap.  The logo, however, was one we understood; it represented the local American Legion.

Then we talked to the two tigers that were half-naked originally, and had ordered the pants to match.  Both had digitrade feet when they became tigers, but were now marching on plantigrade feet.  The first one used a combination of highlights; he had golden epaulettes, although the top part on the shoulder was green, with a gold star inside.  The stripes going across his chest and pant legs were silver.  The shako he wore had a silver plume on it, but a gold paw print.

The fourth tiger had no epaulettes on his uniform, but still had silver highlights across the whole uniform.  He also wore a peaked cap, and as a way of paying tribute to his father, a fallen police officer, the logo on the cap was the badge with the number of his father’s unit.  We paused for a moment of silence to honor the sacrifice the officer had made before continuing, and then played the national anthem afterwards.

The fourth tiger in question was the chosen drummer of honor, but to show the bond and the camaraderie between all four brothers, we allowed all of them to stand in a line and beat their drums accordingly.  All four then led us all in a rousing rendition of “Strike Up the Band!”

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325. Four Bengal tigers that drove motorcycles on the professional Moto GP circuit.  The fourth tiger was the defending champion from last season.  We congratulated him on the victory afterwards.

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326. The patterns were seemingly more abrupt, because we were rapidly alternating at times between the expected musicians and the variety of other occupations, sports or otherwise.  We now had two beagles wearing the formal black fancy tuxedo with bowtie; they were both saxophonists.  While they were masters of all types of saxophones, the first one played alto sax the most, while the second played tenor sax.  The alto sax dog wore a fedora.

327. The next four beagles, again wearing the fancy black tuxedo with bowtie, all played the trumpet.  Two of them wore a top hat with their outfits.


328. Six golden retrievers in t-shirts and blue jeans, indicating they were on vacation.  They all worked at a recycling plant, however, and mentioned that the smugglers had wanted to destroy the plant, and thus, force humanity to pollute the world and kill itself.  “That’s a first,” I said.

“It is,” said the C.I.D.F. soldier.  “There’s nothing wrong or sinful about recycling.  Yet these people bought into the false propaganda CNG was spreading—without knowing it, of course.  It doesn’t surprise me to discover that it killed them right then and there, since it wanted to be the one doing all the killing.”

329. A white lion working for a construction company, but it wasn’t Zax Arctic’s company.  “My company does collaborations with his all the time, though; it’s amazing what we do together,” he said.

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330. A lion in a white karate gi with a black belt.  He was an instructor at a dojo.  Some of his students were also Drumbums, and used taiko drums to help capture the spirit of the fighting.

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331. Three golden retrievers wearing green military-style drum major uniforms with a peaked cap and gold highlights.  The logo for all three matched the eagle logo as seen on the Presidential seal.  The first one’s cap was white for the top half and green for the bottom half, not counting the black rim, while the second dog’s cap was entirely green.  The third dog wore a peaked cap was black on the bottom third and green on the top two-thirds.

“I think he is the second cousin to my next-door neighbor by definition, but he is related to the Drummer Dog from the show, David Olsen,” the dog with the fully green cap said.  “I salute him for his service as an Air Force hero, and for his efforts to educate the public on music with that show.”

“We’re glad to hear that,” we replied.  “His show remains enormously popular, even in reruns, although the new CGI version they’re working on will retell the same episodes.”

“Why are they doing that?”

“They said the network wanted a whopping 200 episodes.  They did 78 in the first run if we did the math correctly.”

“So it takes some of the writing pressure off, then?”

“It does, but then they have to go through the process of re-recording everything from the music to the dialogue.”

“Oh, dear, me.  Fingers crossed.”

“Likewise.”

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332. Seven German shepherds in t-shirts and blue jeans.  All of them were full-time writers; three wrote newspaper columns, while the fourth wrote detective mystery novels.  The fifth wrote sci-fi novels with medieval fantasy elements incorporated in, the sixth wrote Westerns, and the seventh wrote children’s books based on a fictional version of himself serving as a superhero.

333. Two female leopards in t-shirts and blue jeans.  Both worked from home for various accounting firms during the pandemic, and were able to keep working from home, with only occasional office visits necessary.  Both leopardesses also were a unique case; they and their kids (who were with them) had transformed, but their husbands were still human.  “Do you know why that is?” one asked.  “Usually, it’s the husband that transformed while the wife stayed as a human being.”

“I think this is just a case of it experimenting with itself,” said the C.I.D.F. soldier.  “Sometimes it would switch it up, but as we told the others, it never really broke out of its rut, and it wasn’t doing the variety it claimed it was doing.  In the end, it was still trying to eradicate humanity.”

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334. Four lions in the fancy black tuxedo with bowtie, and one of them also had a top hat.  They had attended the game show convention.  The lion with the top hat had visited the United Kingdom the previous summer, and helped bring his favorite British formats to the convention.  “Most of them I don’t see ever coming to the U.S., but you never know,” he commented.

“What’s your favorite UK format?” I asked.

“I would say ‘Only Connect.’”  He then explained how that game worked, and how it had a reputation for being one of the hardest quiz shows in the UK today.  He also mentioned he was a regular viewer of Super C’s version of “The Krypton Factor,” which was another UK show originally.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Super C smiled.  “The version I did was meant to bear a resemblance to the original UK show with Gordon Burns.  However, we didn’t offer gold as a prize like the original US version did.  It was just $50,000 in cash for the grand finale.  The original show was a five-week miniseries that offered $5,000 in gold to each winner, and $50,000 in gold to the grand champion, although they were allowed to take a cash substitute.  The grand champion took it in cash, I discovered.”

“What would you do if you were that champion?” I asked.

“Considering how its value has evolved over time,” the lion said, “I think I would have kept the gold.  It can be quite the investment.”

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335. Four leopards wearing the patriotic-themed drum major uniforms.

336. Four American buffalos wearing patriotic drum major uniforms.  One was a percussionist, and he said he liked hearing the “clop, clop” sound of his hooves marching in time to the beat of the drums.

337. Four bison in patriotic drum major uniforms.

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We then had another international report from Greece, courtesy of Leonidas the Hellenic Lion.  Among the ones being documented were six Minotaurs, appearing as warriors of Ancient Greece, and they were also percussionists, just like he was.  The drums they beat were designed to sound as primal and as tribal as possible, telling stories of the days of war between Sparta and Athens, something Leonidas knew all too well about.

These Minotaurs also said that the story of Theseus gave all Minotaurs a bad name.  “Mind you it was the Minotaur himself that ruined it,” one Minotaur said in between beats of his drum.  “He had no business terrorizing the commoners.”

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338. Back here in America, we then met two more musical Minotaurs that were both percussionists as well.  The first one was wearing a blue royal drum major uniform with silver stripes across the chest and gold epaulettes, and played a corps-style field drum in the parade, although he usually liked banging on the timpani, or kettledrums.

339. The second Minotaur wore a green royal drum major uniform that also had gold epaulettes and silver highlights; he also played a corps-style field drum in the parade.  

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340. A German shepherd in a white tuxedo with black bowtie.  CNG had given him the ability to play tons of different instruments, although he didn’t play as many as Clef Dog.  He showed us a few videos of him as a one-dog jazz orchestra, but for the purposes of our performance portion of the music, he played the acoustic bass.

341. A Bengal tiger that wore a fancy black tuxedo with bowtie; like the German shepherd, he also played multiple instruments.  He was primarily a trombonist, though.

342. Two Bengal tiger percussionist that played football drums in the parade.  Their purple drum major uniforms with silver highlights were based on the college they attended, although one was wearing a peaked cap instead of a shako.  Both had a white plume, and one had white pants to contrast, while the other had the purple pants to match.

Both also admitted to growing in size when they transformed.  “I was about 5’11”, I believe,” the second tiger.  “Then CNG got to me, and now I stand at 6’5”.  How often did CNG do that?”

“Not very often,” the C.I.D.F. soldier replied.  “As we like to say, it made a typo when placing the order.  Know what I mean?”

“Yes, I do.”

“The recruit of mine known as the Lion of Nobility was the same way,” Super C commented.  “I think he was about 5’9”, or something like that.  Now he stands 6’7”.  He become large and muscular, like a bodybuilder, though; I don’t see that with you two.”

“No; I think we’re more athletically built.  In high school, I was a sprinter.  I haven’t done track in college because I wanted to focus on music, being a music major.  CNG must have appreciated that.”

“Yes, I would say so.”

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343. Four Bengal tiger percussionists in blue drum major uniforms; one had gold highlights entirely, while the others used the combination of gold epaulettes, but silver stripes across the best and pant legs.  They had been students at the college that was the direct rival to the college of the two tigers in purple.  Both colleges liked to have their marching bands perform as one on the football field, however, and even Wildcat University’s music department was praising their efforts and saying, “We can learn something from you.”

“When the best university in the nation compliments your marching band,” one tiger commented, “then, obviously, you’ve done something right.”

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We’ll give you a break now.  Hang in there, everybody.

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TO BE CONTINUED