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Rouge smiled as she stood backstage at her club, watching Sonique perform on-stage. Ever since she signed him up, her club had been more successful than ever. The sheer novelty of the world famous blue blur singing in a dress attracted a lot of new clientele, and the fact that Sonic looked and sounded fabulous made sure they stuck around. It was a win-win!

When the music wound down and Sonique blew kisses to his fans, he stepped backstage and her smile instantly vanished.

"Another great show tonight, beautiful." Rouge chuckled.

"Yeah..." Sonique muttered as he strode past, heading straight for his dressing room.

"...I don't know why you hired her."

Rouge turned around to see a familiar black and red hedgehog, arms folded and leaning against the wall.

"Oh, it's you, Shadow," Rouge said. "I mean, sure, maybe a drag act was a bit of a gamble, but enough people are willing to pay to see her, so what's the problem? Even you can't deny our revenue has only gone up since she joined."

Shadow frowned and looked away. "I don't see the appeal. Prancing around with fake breasts and your face painted, making a fool of yourself in front of people..."

"Wow, Shadow," Rouge put her hands on her hips. "I had no idea you were so... backwards!"

He looked back to her. "Excuse me?"

"I'll have you know that drag is a perfectly fine member of the performing arts, and it brings a lot of joy to a lot of people!" She cocked her hips to one side, frown deepening. "Then again I shouldn't expect you to know anything about that."

"What?" He scowled and unfolded his arms.

"You heard me! You're always like this!" She stepped forward, prodding his fluffy chest with a finger. "Acting all broody and depressing and looking down on anyone having a good time! Why can't you lighten up and have some fun for once!?"

Shadow glared at her, clenching his hands into fists. For a moment, Rouge swore that he was about to hit her, but she refused to break eye contact. Finally...

"...tch." He turned and stormed out of the club. Rouge watched him go, sighing and folding her arms under her chest. Sometimes she wondered why she put up with him...

Outside, Shadow grumbled to himself. Who the hell did she think she was? He was entitled to his own opinion, wasn't he? And she dared suggest he didn't know how to fun just because he didn't enjoy the blue queen's ridiculous act... why should he enjoy it? Where was the pride? Where was the dignity?

He caught something out the corner of his eye and stopped. A brightly decorated flyer with colourful shapes was pinned onto the side of a building. It read:

* The Circus Of Smiles! *
* Come and see the brightest, silliest clowns the world has ever known! *
* Guaranteed to make you leave with a smile on your face! *
* With star attraction, Wanda Fall the Jester! *
* In Station Square, tonight only! *

Shadow rubbed his chin. Yes, that would do nicely. He snatched the flyer and made his way to Station Square. He'd show Rouge that he was more than capable of having "fun".

* * * * *

"This is stupid."

Shadow folded his arms and leaned back in his seat inside the enormous red and white tent, ignoring the dirty looks the other patrons were drawing him. He didn't know what he was thinking. The bright colours, the loud music, the ridiculous performances, it was all stupid. Perhaps it amused the children in the audience, but he didn't see how any self-respecting adult was supposed to find any of it entertaining.

He scowled as one of the clowns in the ring once again slipped on a blatantly obvious banana peel and fell on their back with an over-the-top somersault. He shook his head and stood up. This was a waste of his time.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen," announced the ringmaster. Shadow paused and glanced over his shoulder. "The moment you've all been waiting for! Please welcome our star attraction, Wanda Fall the Jester!"

The ringmaster stepped off-stage, yet the spotlight remained where he stood as a puff of smoke appeared. When it cleared, it revealed an attractive young jester striking a pose.

Shadow had wondered why the poster referred to Wanda as only "the Jester", rather than a species. But now he completely understood; at a glance, he had no idea what she was. She was a slender creature with a slim figure, clad head to toe in shades of pink, purple and white. Her skin was white as chalk with long black triangles painted on her cheeks, matching the colour of her eyelids, which were ringed in pink. Notably she didn't seem to have any nose to speak of. Her headwear extended back into long, striped, horn-like appendages, and the toes of her boots curled upwards. Indeed, "Jester" really did seem like the only description that suited her. That said, she did remind Shadow of a certain purple and white figure that he had seen on occasion while he slept, flying through the nights into his dreams.

Shadow sighed and sat back down. As dumb as this show was, he DID pay for the ticket. Who knows, maybe this last act can make the rest worth enduring.

"Heya, everyone!" Wanda said with a wink, her voice having a soft Bronx accent. "How're ya all doin' tonight?"

A chorus of cheers filled the tent, making Shadow roll his eyes, but brought a smile to Wanda's face. "Aw, gee, that's swell to hear! Nothin' makes me happier than seein' you folks smile! However..." She placed a hand across her forehead to block the lights and leaned forward, scanning the audience. "Somethin' tells me there's someone who ain't enjoyin' themselves, so I gotta fix that!"

Shadow raised his eyebrow and looked out over the other attendees, who were also looking amongst themselves. He assumed she was searching for a mark she'd planted in the audience as a fake volunteer. After all, there was no way she was actually referring to-

"You!"

A spotlight suddenly came on right above Shadow, and instantly all eyes were on him. The jester grinned smugly, pointing straight at him. "Come on down, Mister Poutypants!"

Shadow frowned and stood up. "Like hell I-"

Poof.

"-am?" He blinked, suddenly finding himself standing in the ring right beside Wanda. The jester grinned and raised his arm up.

"Give our guest a big hand!" she said, much to the applause of the audience. Shadow pulled his arm free, glaring at her, as she whipped a microphone out of nowhere and held it in front of his face. "So, champ, how about you tell us a bit about yourself? What's your name, whaddya do for a livin', what's all the gloom and doom look about, huh?"

He sneered, but folded his arms. Might as well indulge her for now, if only to see what this was all about. And how she managed to warp him from his seat to the ring like that. "Hmph, very well. My name is Shadow the Hedgehog, I am the Ultimate Life Form, and I-"

He was cut off as Wanda's head rolled to the side, eyes closed, letting out a loud snoring sound. Giggles quickly arose from the crowd, as Shadow narrowed his eyes. He turned to walk away, but Wanda snapped 'awake' and grabbed his wrist. "Ah, come on, I was only foolin'! No need to be so serious all the time!"

Shadow glared at her, folding his arms once again. The jester chuckled and shook her head. "Alright, alright. Look, I'll be straight with ya, Groucho-"

"Shadow."

"-Mambo. All I'm lookin' for is somebody to help me with my act and make all these folks laugh. You think you can do that?"

She smiled and held out her hand. Shadow furrowed his brow, eyeing her suspiciously... but Rouge's words echoed in his brain. 'Why can't you lighten up and do something fun once in a while!?' He smirked, and placed his hand in Wanda's. He'd show that bat. "...very well. I'll help out."

The crowd immediately applauded as Wanda's smile widened into a grin. "Attaboy! Now first thing's first, we gotta get my new assistant, Bozo-"

"Shadow."

"-Dumbo lookin' the part!"

Placing a curled fist to her lips, she blew as hard as she could into it and a large black and red balloon inflated out the other side. It grew until it was around the size of Shadow's head, before she tied it and pushed it into his hand. "Here, hold this a sec, Bingo-"

"Shadow."

"-Jojo." She quickly inflated a second and handed it to him, taking a moment position his hands so the balloons were held in front of his chest. She stepped back, stroking her chin and admiring her handiwork. "Not bad, huh folks? He suits the stacked look, don't he?"

The crowd gave a polite laugh, and realisation hit Shadow as he looked down. With the colouring and position, the balloons clearly looked like a pair of oversized breasts on the black hedgehog's chest. He scowled and let go. "Very funny-"

The crowd gasped. Shadow raised an eyebrow and looked down.

The balloons hadn't moved.

"What the...?" Shadow muttered as the crowd began to laugh again. He furrowed his brow, his scowl returning. These simpletons really were amused by anything, weren't they? A pair of balloons stuck to a man's chest was neither entertaining nor impressive. The jester must've used static cling, or attached some tape to them when no one was looking, or something. He gave the balloons a firm tug.

They didn't move. All they did was slip past his hands with a rubbery squeaking sound.

He blinked and pulled them again, and once again failed. All it did was make them bounce back and forth, like... well, like a pair of balloons. In the corner of his eye, he saw Wanda smirking. He growled and gripped them as tight as he could, the rubber squeaking through his fingers, and yanked on them hard. The balloons stretched cartoonishly, yet neither did they pop nor budge from his chest. He grit his teeth and tugged harder, until they  could finally stretch no more and slipped free. They slingshotted back, overshooting their original position and slammed directly into Shadow's face, hard enough to make the poor hedgehog stagger backwards while they wobbled back into place.

The crowd ate it up, laughing and applauding as if the whole thing was part of the show. Shadow grit his teeth and was about to speak up, but Wanda grabbed his wrist.

"Ya done fondlin' yourself, boobieboy?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "We gotta show to put on!"

Shadow frowned at her. "Not until you remove these-"

"Heads up!" a voice that sounded suspiciously like Wanda's own called out, and instantly Wanda grabbed Shadow and spun around, holding him in front of herself. The black hedgehog had just enough time see a shaving-cream filled pie flying his way, right before it slammed into his face, splattering its contents all over him while leaving Wanda perfectly clean. She set him down as he yanked the plate off, shooting a glare at the jester, but something was lost in it with his face coated in heavy, gooy white cream.

"Ah, shucks, Boingo-"

"Shadow!"

"-Blitzo. Sorry about that, I panicked is all!" Reaching into her sleeve, she whipped out a red handkerchief (tied to a blue one, tied to a green one, tied to a yellow one, tied to a... you the get the idea) and offered it to him.

He scowled and wiped at his face, but something wasn't right. The cream didn't come off. If anything, it just seemed to be rubbed further into his fur. And as he wiped his face, more colours formed on the handkerchief. Slowly, he became aware of the crowd laughing again and shot Wanda a glare.

"What did you do...?"

Wanda just smirked and shrugged. "Ah, ya know..." She slapped a hand over Shadow's mouth. "Just puttin' a smile on that gloomy face of your's."

"Mmph!?" When she moved her hand, Shadow found his lips sealed shut by a sticker resembling a wide, grinning mouth. The audience loved it, especially as he growled and tugged on it, but it stuck fast.

"Mmph! Hmph mmph hrmph mmphrm mmprh!" he yelled. Wanda frowned, shaking her head and clicking her tongue.

"Nah, ya know what? I prefer the real thing." She grabbed the sticker and pulled on it, even as it remained so firm that Shadow's head was pulled along with it. He yelled and pulled back, his mouth almost feeling like it was stretching and swore the jester was going to yank his lips off when finally... mwah! The sticker pulled free and Shadow fell onto his backside.

Wanda smirked as she picked up the pie dish, and with a flick of her wrist and a burst of confetti it transformed into a hand mirror. "There we go, much better lookin', don'cha agree?"

She handed it to Shadow, he took it from her... and his eyes widened. His face was white. Not just from shock, but literally painted as white as Rouge's fur, covering his muzzle and the surrounding fur. Makeup was applied across his eyelids, leaving them a shiny yellow colour, while the red markings had turned pink. His eyelashes had become so long that every blinked made them flap in an almost dainty manner, while pink hearts decorated his cheeks.

But most striking of all were his lips. They were a vibrant, shiny, eye-catching crimson, as red as his own quills, and pulled into a wide smile as befitting a clown. Not to mention they were absolutely massive, with each one easily as thick as his own fingers. And as he looked closer... he realised that unlike most clowns, his smile wasn't drawn on. Those fat, puffy, red smoochers were his own. And worse, he couldn't stop smiling. No matter how hard he tried to frown or scowl, his jaw muscles refused to obey, and instead remained in that giddy, dopy grin.

"What the [fudge]!?" he yelled, only to pause. He was sure he said a more vulgar word... but he shook his head. More important was getting this makeup off! He ran his hand over his cheeks, but no matter how hard he rubbed, it remained perfectly pristine, as if freshly applied.

Wanda grinned and grabbed his wrist, pulling him to his feet. "Now then, if you're done prettyin' yerself up, Pogo-"

"Shadow!"

"-Bimbo," she smirked. "Then it's time to take you for a spin!"

Shadow growled and tried to pull his arm free, but Wanda's grip seemed unnaturally strong despite her build. "Enough of this! Unhand me and get all of this trash off me, before I-"

She ignored him and effortlessly swung him around by his arm, forcing him to spin. She twirled him around, going faster and faster. She raised his arm up, faster and faster, forcing him on his toes, faster and faster, until he was spinning so fast he appeared to be a black and red tornado. She let go, allowing Shadow to pirouette in place as the black and red faded into a greater variety of colours. A jingling sound quickly filled the tent.

Eventually Shadow slowed to a stop, staggering and holding his arms out to keep his balance. He groaned, eyes still spinning in their sockets as he tried to get his bearings. Though his vision hadn't stabilised, his hearing still worked fine, and what he heard was an audible gasp from the audience, followed by the loudest laughter and applause so far. He even heard a couple of wolf whistles amongst it all.

He groaned, trying to glare at the crowd despite his unwilling smile, but it was difficult when the room refused to hold still. "Wh... urgh... wh-what's so funny...?"

"Ahem." He turned in the direction of Wanda's voice. She was holding the hand mirror and gave it a pull, stretching it into a full-length mirror, which she set down and gestured to. He frowned and staggered over to it. At least his dizziness was finally passing, yet he still felt oddly off-balance... and he still heard the jingle-jangle of bells, irritating him further.

He stepped up to the mirror... and his jaw dropped. He looked down at himself, then back to the mirror. He brought his hands up to his face, his reflection did the same. And with no other explanation for what he was seeing, he had to conclude he was seeing himself.

For starters, he was greeted by the cartoonish grinning clown face of his, still smiling joyfully despite the horror in his eyes. Aside from his makeup, his ebony fur was left untouched, but the red streaks along his quills were gone. Instead he had one orange, one yellow, one green, one blue and one purple, essentially forming a miniature rainbow... without red. With the markings around his eyes now pink, it left no red on his fur whatsover. Hanging off the end of each quill was a small silver bell, which was no doubt the source of the jingling noise. On one side of his head was a large flower with vibrant yellow petals and a red centre.

But as bad as the face was, his outfit was even worse. His Air Shoes were gone, replaced with a pair of bright pink Mary Janes perched on a MUCH too high heel. On the toe of each shoe was a flower just like the one on his head, and around each ankle was a white ruffle, with rainbow-striped stockings climbing up his legs until they stopped just below a pair of frilly white bloomers. He still wore white gloves, but the black and red wrist bracers were replaced by more white ruffles, with rainbow-striped sleeves covering his arms.

All of this led to a dress, a sunny yellow nightmare wrapped around the hedgehog's body. The tutu-like skirt stuck out like an umbrella, exposing layers of white petticoats underneath red piping and failing to completely hide Shadow's bloomers, with a rainbow-striped ribbon around his waist tied in a large bow at the back. The bodice had puffy blue sleeves, while the front was lined with seven large buttons, each one once again a colour of the rainbow. The bodice stopped halfway up his balloons, exposing their tops, and was instead held onto his shoulders by a pair of red suspenders. Right above them, as if to call attention to his faux-cleavage, was a bright red bow-tie with white polka dots.

"And the last touch..." Wanda leaned in and pressed a large red clown's nose over Shadow's own black one. She gave it a quick squeeze, causing it to honk, and causing Shadow to put his hands to his cheeks and let out the shrillest scream any male had ever let out, almost drowning out the audience. Wanda laughed and turned Shadow from the mirror to face the audience. "Now you're looking ready for the circus, Shadow-"

"Rainbow!" Shadow clamped his hands over his grinning mouth, as the crowd burst out in laughter again. Wanda just chuckled and shook her head.

"Well, you heard the clown, folks! Say hello to Rainbow the Hahahog!"

The applause that filled the tent was louder than anything so far. Shadow cringed and pulled his arm free, trying to ignore the tinkling of his bells that accompanied every movement. "No, you stupid clown! My name is Rainbow!" He stopped, feeling his lips and throat. "...Rainbow. Rainbow! My name is Rainbow! ...Rainbow." He furrowed his brow, which combined with his smile formed a cheeky grin. "Shad. Dow. Rainbow. S-H-A-D-O-W... Rainbow!"

The crowd laughed as he snarled and glared at Wanda. "What did you do!?"

"That's not important," Wanda said with a smile. "For now, we gotta show to put on!"

"Like [heck] we do!" Shadow yelled. "I'm getting the [flip] out of here!"

He turned and stormed towards the exit... or tried to, at least, as he quickly learned that walking in heels was not nearly as easy as Sonique made it look. He staggered with each step, struggling to keep his balance, only made worse as the bells on his outfit jingled and jangled and his balloons wobbled like jelly. "Whoa... wh-whoa!" He threw his arms out for balance, managing to catch himself, as the crowd's laughter only grew.

"Havin' trouble, Rainbow?" Wanda asked with a smirk, shining her nails on her lapel.

"No!" he snapped, when he noticed something about his hands. Namely he had them raised up by his shoulders, with his wrists bent back and his elbows tucked in at his sides. He huffed and lowered them to a more masculine position, but like tensing a muscle, the second he tried to take another step and focus on keeping his balance, they sprang right up into their mincing position. He looked back at Wanda. "How are you doing this?"

"The magic of smiles, sweetie!" Wanda laughed as she strode over with a helium tank. "Here, let's try making you a bit lighter on your feet!"

"You keep that away from-" He was cut off when Wanda shoved the nozzle into his mouth. He immediately tried to yank it back out, but it was like it was glued to his lips. Wanda grinned and turned the valve, and with a hiss, the gas quickly shot down his throat. To his horror, his stomach started to swell, growing larger and rounder with every passing second. Worse, he slowly rose off the ground until he was hovering a full foot in the air. He let out a few horrified squeaks, kicking his feet and flailing his arms, the audiences cheers ringing in his ears as much as his bells did.

"Ah, party poppers,looks like I overdid it a little!" Wanda said with a pout. That got another laugh, even over Shadow's muffled protests, before Wanda stepped over and wrapped her arms tightly around his midsection. She squeezed tight, forcing all the air out of his stomach, and straight into his balloons. He let out a yell as he looked at them, now closer to beach balls than simple party balloons, but the audience kept howling with laughter.

Wanda made a big show of scratching her head and shrugging. "Well, I'm stumped!"

"Mmph! Mmph!" Shadow yelled, pointing at the nozzle.

"Oh, right!" She rolled her eyes. "Well why didn't ya just say so?"

She gave the tube a hearty yank and it popped free of Shadow's lips. The helium came rushing back out, blasting Shadow backwards and sending him careening through the air, around and around the circus tent much to the audience's delight. Wanda watched him whirl around, and just as it seemed he was about to crash into her, she stepped aside to reveal a wall with a target painted on it. Bam! Shadow slammed right into the bullseye, squashed flat by his own momentum, and slumped onto the ground. He slowly sat up, with little laughing Wandas circling his head.

"Well?" Wanda leaned over. "Having fun yet, Rainbow?"

He glared up at her, and scrambled to his feet. "No! And I'm not-"

He froze, a hand covering his mouth. What happened to his voice!? It sound like him, sure... if he spoke in a ridiculous cartoonish falsetto! It sounded like he was trying (and failing) to impersonate Cream the Rabbit!

Wanda grabbed him by the hand, raising his arm up high with a jingle of his bells. Without thinking, Shadow popped one leg up daintily as his other wrist bent back near his shoulder again. "And here she is, folks, Rainbow the Hahahog in all her stupid, silly glory! Ain't she a doll?" The crowd applauded as Wanda smirked. "Now the REAL show can begin!"

Shadow winced and pulled his arm free. "No! NO! To [heck] with that!" he squeaked. "You're insane, and I'm not spending one more second in this madhouse!"

He turned and made a break for the exit, trying to accomodate for his shoes by keeping his heel off the ground entirely. The end result was a ridiculous-looking tippy-toe gait, but he didn't care. He didn't care how he looked anymore. He didn't care about the balloons wobbling from side to side on his chest. He didn't care about the bells on his quills rattling as he ran, as if announcing to everyone to come and look at the silly clown. He didn't care about the flouncy dress, his painted face, his squeaky voice. All he cared about was getting out of there.

He didn't even care to watch where he was going. Which meant he didn't notice the large, blatantly obvious banana peel until he planted his foot squarely on it. With an exaggerated slip, he flew into the air with an over-the-top somersault and landed on his back, with a crash of his bells and a rubber rattling of his balloons. The movement made his skirt fly up, flashing his bloomers to the crowd, with the words "Ultimate Laugh Form" emdroidered on the rump.

The crowd, predictably, laughed like it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. They giggled, chortled, guffawed and cheered, some pointing, some jeering, some snapping photos.

"Stop laughing at me!" he shrieked, holding his skirt down, but by now his voice held none of his previous anger and defiance. Instead he sounded desperate and helpless, like a little girl pleading with her bullies to leave her alone. How could they laugh at him like that? How could anyone possibly enjoy his suffering? Where was his pride? Where was his dignity?

A shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Wanda standing over him, bearing her teeth in a wicked smile.

"Ah, ah, ah, Rainbow," she said, wagging a finger. "Ya know what they say in show business. The show must go on~!"

* * * * *

What followed was easily the most humiliating night of Shadow's life. In front of what felt like the entire population of Station Square, Shadow had to prance around as Wanda's assistant, bouncing, mincing and jingling with a big fake smile plastered on his face. It was clear he was to fill the role of bumbling, incompetent sidekick, tripping and stumbling anytime he tried to do anything. Just whenever he felt like was getting a hand of the high heels, the dress or the balloons, something would happen to throw him into a pratfall. Heck, ANYtime he tried to go "off-script," some unfortunate coincidence would quickly force him back on-track.

Even all that aside, the acts themselves were simply degrading. Pies to the face, slipping on banana peels, serving as the target for a knife throwing act. It seemed only the most insulting of skits were set aside for him. Some of them almost seemed to afford him some level of dignity, like juggling while balancing atop a rubber ball or riding a unicycle over a tightrope, or just something that actually required a demonstration of skill. But while Shadow found himself supernaturally adept at them, at the EXACT moment it would get the biggest laugh he would find his new talent disappearing. Toppling from the ball and all of his juggling pins landing on his head, or falling from the tightrope into the waiting arms of another, much more obviously male clown.

Whatever most amused the audience, he was forced to endure. And what amused them the most was his humiliation.

After the show, a tiny wind-up car pulled up in front of Rouge's mansion. The door opened, and a spring-loaded boot kicked Shadow out onto the path before trundling away. Shadow shakily stood up, groaning and rubbing his butt. He did NOT want Rouge to see him like this, but what choice did he have? So with a defeated whimper, he daintily pranced up to the door.

"Rouge...?" he squeaked as he entered.

"In the lounge, Shadow!" she called back. Shadow gulped and tottered through. "I was just in the middle of interviewing a new-"

She froze when she looked up to see him standing in the doorway. Her eyes went wide, trailing up and down "Rainbow's" appearance. The gaudy rainbow aesthetic, the big wobbly chest-balloons, the painted on makeup, the fat red lips in an unwilling smile. Slowly a smile of her own crept onto her face before she threw her head back and burst out laughing.

A look of betrayal flashed over Shadow's smiling face and he stomped his foot childishly, an action that only made his quills jingle once again. "It's not funny!"

"You're right! It's hilarious!" Rouge said. She looked to the chair across from her, the back of which was turned to Shadow. "I presume this is an example of your work?"

Shadow felt his blood run cold before the interviewee turned to look at him... and sure enough, he found himself confronted with the grinning face of Wanda Fall.

"Yep, sure is," the jester said, sipping a cup of tea. "Hello again, Rainbow."

"Rainbow!?" Rouge let out another bout of cackles as Shadow could only stare in disbelief. Was this some kind of sick joke?"

"So..." Wanda smiled and looked to Rouge. "Have I got the job?"

Rouge wiped her eye with a finger, before giving Shadow one more look. She couldn't help but smirk, and shook the jester's hand.

"Welcome to Tranonymous."