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“Just another typical Thursday. Got my socks mixed up. Every cab in the city rode right past me. The coffee underdone. The bagel was overdone. And the donut was filled with knock-out gas. Gotta love the villain noon rush hour.”
Lois tried to wiggle out of the chains. She knew it was useless, but you never knew. One of these days, she could get lucky.
Looking around it wasn’t hard to sum up she was in the old abandon toy factory – crates of recalled, broken or faulty toys lying around, the “ACME” logo plastered over everything. The giant toy machine which had been the talk of the town a couple of years back.
“The city will certainly see a decrease in nefarious activities if they just bulldoze the abandoned buildings on the outskirts.”
She wiggled a bit more. Still nothing. The conveyor belt seemed to had seen some maintenance recently.
“But I’m sure Luthor might lobby against it. He’ll call them historical landmarks of this great city and everyone will just eat it up. Charisma can sure get you a long way.”
“Admiring my handiwork, Mizz Lane?”
A figure wearing what can only be described as country club clothing stepped from the shadows. The only odd thing about it was the mask made out of a burlap sack on the head.
“Ah. The amazing Bagman” Lois jested.
“Oh, a funny one, aren’t we?” the man chuckled sarcastically.
He stepped forward, twirling a cane and positioned himself right next to the reporter. Lois’ nose twitched, noticing an odd aroma of onions around her captor.
“So, who might be my assailant today?”
“Oh, you know me well, Mizz Lane.”
“Do I?”
The man chuckled. And his chuckle turned into a laugh.
“Oh, you do. Some time ago you did an exposé on me and my company, which…well it lead to me going bankrupt. And now…”
“You are out for personal revenge? I know how it goes, buddy. You’re nothing new.”
The man chuckled.
“Well…you are correct”.
He walked around the conveyer belt, spinning his cane cheerfully.
“You are oh so correct, my dear. I take it…this isn’t your first time around the block?”
“Not really, no. Every so often, some looney gets it in his head that he should kidnap me for ruining his career”. She wiggled a bit, trying to find a more comfortable position, to no real avail. “The thing I don’t get with you fat cats is why don’t you have any back-up money? Surely you’ve thought that things just might not go according to plan, right?”
The man leaned over on his cane; his voice low.
“The thing, Lane, is that I did in fact have money prepared. Ergo, how I acquired this run-down factory.”
“And why didn’t you use the money to start a new business somewhere else? Or, I don’t know, get your PR team to fix the issue? Luthor, for example, always has a back out. How do you think he’s still in charge of half of the city?”
“Oh, don’t fret. That’s all been taken care of. I have numerous businesses around the world. This here. This is just personal fun time. I’m thinking of trying the super villain gig for little while, see how it goes, to see how it suits me.”
“The mask looks like it was a last minute thing”.
He ran a finger across his face, brushing his mask.
“I guess I poked a nerve there.”
“Well…I had to improvise. The one that went with my persona got…damaged just as I was about to start this venture.”
“Mhm…understandable. So. Do you have a name?”
“Toyman”.
“Toyman?”
“Yes.”
Lois furrowed her brow. That sounded familiar.
“I believe that is already taken.”
“Oh, yes. It was. There were a few others with the same name. We got together. They didn’t like each other a bit, but I managed to convince them that we could work something out.”
“And did you?”
“Indeed. “Toyman” is now a franchise. With us being to main name holders.”
“You truly are a businessman.”
He shrugged, an air of confidence around him.
“So now, when all the formalities are out of the way, would you like to know what happen next, or would you rather it be a surprise?”
“I’ll indulge you. What, pray tell, will happen next?”
“It’s simple” he straightened up. “I will press this button” he said as he produced a remote control. “The machine will start. After which, I will press this button over here and the conveyor belt will turn on, bringing you all the way into the aforementioned device. In there will begin a fairly unpleasant process, by which you will be disrobed and, dare I say, rerobed, to resemble something closer to a doll.”
“Interesting, interesting. Did you decide on it after you got the Toyman name, or was it the other way around? Decided on the plan first and then tried to fit the gimmick in.”
There was no answer, although Lois felt like he had smiled underneath his mask.
“You are a shrewd one.”
“it’s part of my job. But it doesn’t really matter.”
“No?”
“No. No, it doesn’t.”
Toyman scratched his chin.
“And why is that?”
“This isn’t my first rodeo, as you already know. A villain comes, gives his speech, sets me on his death machine or whatever it might be. Dollification device in our case-
“That’s a good one, I like it” Toyman interrupted her.
“Yes. Well. The villain sets me on his death machine, a just in the nick of time, Superman comes in, breaks the machine, saves me and punches the bad guy. News report reads ‘Villain defeated. Local reporter rescued by Superman’. It won’t be much different now, I assure you.”
Toyman was silent. He straightened up and picked up the remote.
“You may have a point. Here’s the thing though. How do you know Superman is coming?”
“He always does.”
“Fair enough. How do you know he’s even in Metropolis.”
Lois was silent.
“Wait-“
“How do you know he’s even in America right now? Or even on Earth?”
“What did you do?”
Toyman spun the remote on his finger.
“You see, it pays to have money and business partners. Me and the other…Toymen…we constructed a device. Something akin to a robot. In the shape of an asteroid heading for Earth. Superman is currently flying to intercept it, he should be around Jupiter right now. When he crashes into it, the robot activates and the meteor transforms into a pilotless mech. We managed to find a little bit of kryptonite. Not enough to seriously damage him, but enough for the Astrobot to stall him long enough.”
“H-how did you managed to get that thing past Jupiter.”
“As I said. It pays to have partners in this business.”
Lois’ eyes widened and sweat started dripping down her neck. Surely this was a bluff.
“Now, let me explain once more what will happen. You will be- what was the word you used? Dollification device? Yes. You will be dollified and you will be put on public display. You will suffer humiliation the same way I did.”
And with a simple and ceremonial press of a button, the conveyer spun and started chugging the helpless reporter towards the machine.
“This is fine. There’s no way he could have built something so elaborate as an asteroid robot, let alone send it to space and get target its trajectory towards Earth. He’s bluffing, he’s bluffing. Oh, God what if he’s serious?”
Lois struggled against the chains without much of result. She tried rocking herself back and forth to roll off the belt, but it wasn’t happening.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. Superman will be here any moment now. Any moment. Any mo-OH GOD I CAN HEAR THE CLAMPING THE MACHINE!”
The dollificator consumed the poor girl and she fell into its bowels. What seemed like thousands of tiny claws grabbed her, manhandling her back and forth. The instant they undid her chains Lois tried to fight back, but she was subdued. Her hands were immobilized and lifted high up. Legs, gripped and spread apart.
“Oh, Lord! What is this machine going to do with me!”
She thrust back and forth, trying to get loose, but it was no use. All of a sudden, her clothes got ripped off her. It was painful, but the humiliation of her being suspended in air only in her underwear was even worse.
“This can’t be real. Superman will be here any moment.”
Violently, she was shoved into an old timey sailor uniform. A skirt was pulled up her legs, without much consideration for comfort. As she struggled she noticed another piece of clothing approaching. This time a diaper. She struggled even harder, trying escape the complete and utter humiliation that awaited her.
“This sicko is really doing it! He’s managed to get to me! This isn’t real! This is just a-”
Her train of thought was stopped as a pacifier had been shoved in her mouth. The diaper was neatly placed on her, although it did not offer much comfort either. Two pink mittens clenched her hands and a tiny sailor cap was placed on her head. Spray cans passed over her face, spraying her in different intervals, putting make-up on her. Finally she was thrown into a plexiglass box, lined with lead, which in turn was placed in a wooden box, painted white with the words “The newest in our line Lois: Sailor Lois” written in navy blue with an appropriately curvy font.
The final product was viciously spat out of the machine, landing inside the back of a pick-up truck. Toyman neared his prisoner. She was struggling, bashing on the glass as hard as she could.
“Now…aren’t you a doll.”
He laughed. He laughed a maniacal laugh, echoing trough the empty factory, reverberating off every wall.
Truly, Lois had been defeated.
#
No one really noticed Toyman. Somehow, he managed to se up his display without anyone batting an eye. As hard as she bashed, no one noticed the reported. She tried to scream, but she couldn’t spit out the pacifier. Her tears had ruined her already badly applied makeup.
It took people around fifteen minutes until they noticed they human sized box in the middle of Metropolis. And they simply laughed. Everyone laughed. Crowds of people gathered, taking pictures, pointing and laughing. This was the worst day of Lois’ life. Her career was over. Her dignity was destroyed. She might as well move out of town. And go live in some backwater country village. Clark did talk highly of Smallville. Maybe a hick village like that might need someone to report on the biggest pig competitions.
And from a distance, up in the sky, unseen by anyone, flew a man. His suit torn, his cape tattered, his hair a mess.
He tried to hide a chuckle behind his hand.
“She looks ridiculous.”