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A familiar tale in the sordid city. A grand dinner, interrupted. A writer, slain. Murdered. Or so they thought...
My response to the latest Thursday Prompt, in which all us promptees attend a dinner where one of us is murdered. This is my recount of the night.
Easily the most fun I've had writing a prompt in a while. I have a soft spot for pulpy detective noir, if you can't tell.
As always, any and all feedback is appreciated! Anything that helps me write better stories for you is very valuable ^w^
[1] Sorry, HAAS, I don't know if you're married! The joke was just too funny to pass up.
My response to the latest Thursday Prompt, in which all us promptees attend a dinner where one of us is murdered. This is my recount of the night.
Easily the most fun I've had writing a prompt in a while. I have a soft spot for pulpy detective noir, if you can't tell.
As always, any and all feedback is appreciated! Anything that helps me write better stories for you is very valuable ^w^
[1] Sorry, HAAS, I don't know if you're married! The joke was just too funny to pass up.
Category Story / All
Species Fox (Other)
Gender Multiple characters
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 81 kB
Not too pulpy, I hope? Was trying to walk a fine line where the pulp is part of the joke, but I'm afraid I might've stumbled off of it in a few places.
Glad you liked the ending. It's the one bit of the story I'm very happy with.
I'm flattered that such an accomplished writer would take the time to read my silly pulp story. Thanks <3
Glad you liked the ending. It's the one bit of the story I'm very happy with.
I'm flattered that such an accomplished writer would take the time to read my silly pulp story. Thanks <3
Thank you. Truly. I'd be happy to hear if things could've been done better, of course, but it's good to know I'm not entirely off base ^^
My only suggestion is that for something this short, the constant switching from one set of sequences to another happened a bit too often, if that makes sense. I had a hard time figuring out how best to explain this. Like some were very quick, only a couple sentences worth. It still worked, but there might be a better way to do it. Like if you really wanted to lean into the humor, maybe it could all be done in dialogue without switching back and forth. The one character talking about what he experienced previously, but diving heavily into the details, like he's the only one in the room narrating his own noir story, and the detective cutting in going, "Wait, wait... so you're telling me..." That's just an example, but like I said, it still worked.
On re-read, that makes a ton of sense. Keeping it all in dialogue would've saved me a ton of space and let me extend the flashback sections. A smattering of sudden "Wait, you're telling me..." injections also sounds like a great complement to the humor. Legitimately a very good idea; I'm tempted to rewrite it like this...
Super helpful feedback. I'm still very bad at writing with space limitations, so this sort of clever perspective is a massive help. I really, deeply appreciate you taking the time to help me actually learn something from this silly nonsense story. Thanks, duroc ^w^
Super helpful feedback. I'm still very bad at writing with space limitations, so this sort of clever perspective is a massive help. I really, deeply appreciate you taking the time to help me actually learn something from this silly nonsense story. Thanks, duroc ^w^
Thank you, Vixxy!
I'm always super anxious when I try to write humor, so I'm glad to hear it landed at least somewhat :>
I'm always super anxious when I try to write humor, so I'm glad to hear it landed at least somewhat :>
I should really take more care about agreeing to all the favors I do for everyone...
The first one to confirm I'm dead (and Dead)! Most interesting indeed! I quite liked that spin and the ending was positively incredible.
The first one to confirm I'm dead (and Dead)! Most interesting indeed! I quite liked that spin and the ending was positively incredible.
You're quite good at what you do, though. Too good...
So glad you liked the ending. I didn't want to canonically blame an actual writer for your murder, so this was my compromise. You'll have to forgive me for killing you :>
So glad you liked the ending. I didn't want to canonically blame an actual writer for your murder, so this was my compromise. You'll have to forgive me for killing you :>
Oh, no worries about the whole Dead is dead for reals thing. If I think it'll make the story interesting: everyone's gonna die (including me, especially me)!
Really liked the noir atmosphere while reading this one, you did an awesome job keeping it up through the whole story. I could really smell, hear, and see the sensations you were describing.
Loved the meta ending too. Every good mystery throws you for a loop with the ending.
Loved the meta ending too. Every good mystery throws you for a loop with the ending.
Thank you so much! I hope the pulpy noir atmosphere wasn't too much. I tried to make it part of the joke, but it's hard for me to judge how it works.
Glad you appreciated the ending as well. And I'm sorry I didn't have time to include your character. Maybe that's the greatest mercy; you get to survive the end of the story :>
Glad you appreciated the ending as well. And I'm sorry I didn't have time to include your character. Maybe that's the greatest mercy; you get to survive the end of the story :>
“Uh… guys? Where’d you all go?” I whimpered as my bugged chair kept dragging me through a vast, empty room.
Bravo! Made me giggle aloud in a coffee shop. Your noir atmosphere is really good, like a lot of people are saying. So many great melancholy metaphors and ominous personifications. I really love how you handled the meta element of things here, too. Too bad we all died, but sacrifices gotta be made for a good tale!
See, here's the funny part. My goal was to make the noir atmosphere a joke. At least in the original concept, the story was about a guy LARPing as a cliche noir detective while everyone else got increasingly fed up with his shit. I have no clue if that came across, or if the nature of noir is such that no cliche is too cliche, but I'm glad the final product was a good time ^w^
Also the fact that I could get anyone to giggle is making me grin like an idiot. So glad you enjoyed!
Also the fact that I could get anyone to giggle is making me grin like an idiot. So glad you enjoyed!
I think it worked as a joke pretty well! It was heavy handed enough (in a good way) that I got what you were going for.
Making people laugh feels so good. Hopefully my entry does the same when I get it done!
Making people laugh feels so good. Hopefully my entry does the same when I get it done!
With your track record, I have no doubt. Very much looking forward to reading it <3
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