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* * * FRANCHISE & KINKS * * *
Banjo-Kazooie; Female Weight Gain (Beyond-Universal) & Macro; Mass Soft Unwilling Fatal Oral Vore
* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *
This story contains spoilers for all five Banjo-Kazooie games.
* * * SUMMARY * * *
Kazooie the breegull eats characters from her series to change the course of history.
* * * STORY * * *
"I finally figured out a way to get Banjo-Threeie made!" Kazooie exclaims. "We'll go back in time and tell our past selves and everyone else who was in Nuts & Bolts not to be!"
Banjo yawns and stretches out in bed. "Sounds like a lot of work."
The red-crested breegull is nestled in a blue backpack that's hanging from a coatrack. She sways from side to side, making the coatrack rock. "It'll be worth it! C'mon, let's go find Mumbo Dumbo!"
As if on cue, Mumbo Jumbo walks through the front door of Banjo's and Kazooie's house. "Mumbo hear name. What bird want?"
"Perfect timing, Skull Boy!" Kazooie replies. "You've gotta send us back to 2000, right after Banjo-Tooie. We're gonna make sure we get a -good- sequel this time!"
Banjo frowns up at the bird. "...You're not gonna let me sleep until we do this, are you?"
"Not a wink~!" Kazooie winks.
"Mumbo surprised bird have good idea for once," the shaman quips. "Lucky Mumbo still remember time travel spell from Grunty's Revenge. Bear and bird ready?"
The honey bear sighs, gets out of bed, and puts on his backpack. "Ready as I'll ever be."
"Mumbo need cast spell outside, like last time," the shaman says.
He heads through the doorway, and Banjo follows him.
"Hope this works..." Mumbo pulls out his Zap Stick, hops from one foot to the other, and chants, "Eekum Bokum!"
Gradually, the shaman disappears.
"...Did it work?" Kazooie wonders aloud. "Or did Bone Brain just make himself disapparate?"
Banjo turns around. "It did work! Look -- our house is back to being blue and broken-down!"
"Ugh, finally," the bird frowns. "I always hated the color Jolly painted it.
"Speaking of which, let's go to his lagoon. We'll talk to Blubberguts and Jolly first, then go find the others."
Banjo nods and walks away from the house. He passes Spiral Mountain and goes through the Digger Tunnel. He jumps into Jamjars's silo in Jinjo Village and hops out of the one at the Cliff Top. He follows the edge of the cliff, goes into a tunnel, and comes out in Jolly Roger's Lagoon.
Then the bear crosses the plaza, turns left, and walks into a building with a sign that reads, "WAVERACER HIRE."
Inside, Cap'n Blubber is tinkering with a colorful flying saucer. He's about twice as tall as Banjo, who's at eye level with the belt encircling the hippo's hefty belly.
"Welcome back, landlubbers," Cap'n Blubber smiles. "Come t'admire me new spaceship~?"
"Actually, we came back in time to warn you about something awful!" Kazooie explains. "Years from now, a sequel will be made. Unless it's called 'Banjo-Threeie,' you've gotta refuse to be in it. It'll be terrible if it's called something else!"
The hippo's smile fades. "The sequel be that bad, eh? Then I'll tell 'em to shove off when they ask me t'cameo."
"...Actually, you did more than cameo," Banjo says. "You were in a few levels, plus the hub world."
"Banjo!" Kazooie scowls.
Cap'n Blubber tilts his head. "...A few levels, ye say...? The sequel can't be -that- bad, can it...?"
"It -is!-" the breegull huffs. "It's so bad, it's the last game we ever starred in! You can't be in it!!"
The hippo frowns, turns around, and goes back to tinkering with his spaceship. "Sorry, me hearties, but I'd rather be a supportin' character in a bad game than just cameo in a good 'un."
Kazooie grimaces. "Support -this,- Blubberbrains!!"
She curls the end of one wing like a fist, then punches Cap'n Blubber's clothed butt. As his bottom wobbles, he cries out and jerks his head up.
His pirate hat falls into the breegull's open mouth. Her eyes briefly widen, then she starts loudly gulping it down.
The hippo spins around. "Hey!! Gimme me hat back!!"
He sticks his hand into Kazooie's maw and grabs the edge of his hat.
Her brow furrows, and she keeps swallowing. Cap'n Blubber's hand gets forced into her gullet, and his forearm starts getting pulled into her mouth. Her chicken-like neck bulges.
"What the -- leggo, ye scurvy bird!!" the hippo shouts. He uses his free hand to punch the breegull in the beak.
"Kazooie, wh-what're you doing?!" Banjo exclaims. He reaches up, uses both handpaws to grasp Cap'n Blubber's arm, and tries to yank it out of the bird's maw.
Both men's efforts are futile. The breegull keeps gulping, pulling the hippo's elbow into her mouth. The bear's backpack bulges.
Cap'n Blubber tries to wrap his fingers around Kazooie's throat, but her neck is too thick. She keeps swallowing until all of his arm is inside her and her beak touches his shoulder. Banjo's handpaws are forced off of the hippo's arm.
The bear's backpack keeps bulging until it bursts, revealing that the breegull is no longer skinny. Her yellow-feathered belly hangs down to the knees on her long, skinny, yellow legs. Like Heggy the Hen's, her gut juts out further than her beak.
Despite no longer being in Banjo's backpack, Kazooie stays on top of his back by using her wings to hold his shoulders. He unsuccessfully tries to pull them off as he stoops due to her new weight.
"Enough already!!" the bear yells. "You made your point -- let him go before you hurt him!!"
"Yeah, what he said!!" Cap'n Blubber pleads. "I swear I won't be in the sequel, just lemme -- mmmffffff!!!"
He's interrupted when the bird brings her mouth down over his head. She stretches her beak a bit more and takes in his other shoulder too.
Kazooie's belly expands until it spans the length of her legs and touches her talons. She gets so heavy that Banjo falls face-first onto the floor. She ends up lying on her tummy, which covers most of him. Cap'n Blubber tumbles too, and starts futilely pounding the floor with his feet and free hand.
Undeterred, the bird keeps gulping the hippo down. She opens her beak even wider to get it around the largest part of him -- his blubbery gut. She slowly swallows the whole thing, together with his belt, his sword, and the top half of his pants. He keeps kicking his legs and feet until she slurps them up, boots and all.
By now, Kazooie's belly is bigger than the hippo she just ate. It sprawls across the floor, completely covering Banjo and taking up almost as much space as the waveracers that're sitting off to the side. Her tummy is so tubby that her talons can't touch the floor.
It doesn't stay that way for long, though. The breegull suddenly becomes much larger and taller, with longer legs, a wider wingspan, and a bigger beak.
Just as abruptly, while Kazooie's stomach stays the same size, fat shows up across the rest of her body. Her trim behind turns into two large red-feathered buttocks. Each one is big enough to cover Banjo by itself, dwarfing her long tail feathers. A chubby love handle and a wide side roll connect each asscheek to her belly.
The bird's red-feathered breasts go from being smaller than Mingella's to being bigger than Honey B.'s and Humba Wumba's. A new triple chin rests on her larger boobs. Even the sides of her beak widen, making them resemble swollen yellow face cheeks.
Dimples form in them as Kazooie smirks. "Funny... usually, -birds- go into -hippos'- mouths~"
The bird's paunch wobbles, and a muffled noise comes from beneath it. She sits up, making her ass splay onto the floor.
As soon as Banjo is freed from under Kazooie's belly, he loudly gasps for air, as if he just returned to the surface after being underwater.
At first, the bear's body is as flat as it would be if he were in a trash compactor. He stretches back to normal with loud rubbery sounds, stands up, turns around, and looks up at the breegull, who's twice his height.
"K-Kazooie!!" Banjo stutters, wide-eyed. "What've you done?!"
"Duh. I ate Blubberguts," Kazooie replies. "...Though, at this point, maybe -I- should be called that~"
The bear buries his face in his handpaws. "You were supposed to convince him not to be in Nuts & Bolts, not eat him!!"
"True, but this is even better," the breegull retorts. "Now he -definitely- won't be in it~ Just to be safe, I'll eat everyone else who was in it too~!"
Banjo gasps. "Y-you can't do that to all our friends!! ...Besides, if you eat them, Banjo-Threeie won't get made! Wasn't that what you wanted all along?!"
"It was... but I wanna erase Nuts & Bolts from history even more," Kazooie explains. "And not just because it ruined our series -- because it ruined our friends, too.
"Seeing them in that horrible game was like seeing them turn into zombies. I'd do anything to stop that from happening.
"So, don't you get it? I'm doing them a favor by eating them."
The bear frowns. "...Couldn't you just eat Grunty's head to stop Nuts & Bolts from getting made?"
The bird shakes her head. "No matter what, she always comes back somehow. As a skeleton, a robot, or both. Eating everyone is the only sure way to fix the timeline."
Banjo sighs. "...I guess you're right... Fine. Go ahead and do it."
"As if you could stop me~" Kazooie smirks. "Speaking of which... let's see how -you- like getting carried around~"
She uses a wing to reach down, scoop up the bear, and nestle his body between her buttcheeks. His head sticks out of her asscrack, blushing hard.
Once Kazooie stands up, her belly reaches her knees. As she waddles out of the building, her thighs press into her broad underbelly with every step, making her paunch wobble like mad. Meanwhile, her buttocks jiggle separately, with the left one bumping up against Banjo's muzzle, then the right, then the left.
The bird heads up one set of stairs to get to the plaza, then another to reach Mumbo's Skull. She's too tall to waddle inside, so she lies down on her belly and crawls through. The doorway is just barely big enough for her gut to get through.
Once inside, Kazooie stands up, waddles up the curving ramp, and approaches the throne where Mumbo's sitting.
The shaman's eyes widen. "What happen?! Bird gone all fat, got big tits... Hur... hur~!"
The breegull smirks down at Mumbo. "You're about to make 'em even bigger, Short Stuff~"
"...But Mumbo not know spell for -- nnnfffff!!!"
Kazooie cuts him off by bringing her open mouth down over his head. He reaches into his skirt and pulls out his Zap Stick, but he drops it once the bird starts gulping his shoulders and arms. Within seconds, she's slurping up his bare feet.
The breegull grows only a little, since Mumbo makes a much smaller meal than Cap'n Blubber. She has to squeeze her belly and behind through the doorway while crawling her way out. Then she stands up and waddles back down to the plaza.
"...Wait a minute," Banjo says. "Since you ate Mumbo just now... doesn't that mean he won't be able to send us back in time in the future...?"
Kazooie waves a wing. "Oh, who cares? If I made a paradox... I'll just eat it~"
She turns right and starts waddling toward a building with a sign that reads, "PAWNO'S EMPORIUM ~ BUY SELL & TRADE."
"...Pawno wasn't in Nuts & Bolts, was he?" Banjo asks.
"He wasn't, but as long as I'm here, I might as well gobble him too," the bird chuckles. "It's fun to eat people~"
The bear blinks. "Goodness... you're even more gluttonous than Nabnut!"
Kazooie waddles into the shop and approaches the counter. She's even taller than the fox who's standing behind the cash register.
His eyes go from half-lidded to wide-open. "...Kazooie?! What happened to you?!"
The bird smirks. "This is for charging twenty doubloons for a Jiggy~"
Before Pawno can react, Kazooie uses her wings to reach over the counter, grab him, and shove his head and chest into her mouth. He hits her side with his crutch, but that just makes her blubber wobble. His arms, torso, long tail, footpaw, and peg leg disappear past her beak.
The breegull's belly swells until it covers half her lower legs. Her rear end sags as low as her knees. Her love handles swell, and a second roll appears on each of her sides.
Her boobs become as huge as Mrs. Boggy's. A new fourth chin covers a sliver of Kazooie's larger cleavage. The sides of her beak become bigger than Banjo's muzzle. She grows taller as well, with a wingspan as wide as Eyrie the eagle when he was a baby.
Banjo whistles as he looks up at the breegull's bigger back rolls. "You're getting so fat, you'd make Mr. Fit look... fit."
"That's right~!" Kazooie beams. "Move over, Chief Bloatazin, there's a new tubbo in town~"
She waddles out of the shop. Her belly is so wide that it brushes both sides of the stone doorway, and she's so tall that she has to bow her head to get through.
The big bird lumbers across the plaza, goes down a set of stairs, turns right, and approaches a pool where two pigs are swimming.
Her wingspan is so large that she can reach down and grab both pigs at once. She swiftly shoves them into her maw and gulps them, one after the other.
"Mmm... not bad~" Kazooie murrs. "But I wish I were in my dragon form, so I could've cooked them into crispy bacon~"
The breegull's belly grows only slightly, but it's wide enough that it gets stuck in the doorway when she tries to enter a nearby building with a sign that reads, "JOLLY'S."
Kazooie grunts and pushes harder. More of her belly blubber squeezes into the doorway, making a loud, rubbery noise. Cracks form in the stone.
Finally, the bird bursts through, taking out hunks of the wall on all three sides of the doorway.
The frog behind the bar meeps. "Oh no, not -another- hole in the wall!!"
"In a minute, I'll make it even bigger~" Kazooie giggles.
She reaches over the bar, grabs Jolly Roger, and crams his upper body into her mouth. His limp wrists and flailing feet quickly vanish past her beak.
Merry Maggie Malpass gasps and drops her mirror, which shatters on the floor. "I can't believe I'm gonna get eaten -again-...!"
"Your fault for looking so tasty, big gal~" the breegull winks. She snatches the toad, shoves her into her maw, and swallows her in one go.
Then Kazooie waddles over to a doorway on the other side of the room. Like the entrance to the building, it's too narrow for her gut. She squeezes her belly into the opening until it crashes through, knocking down chunks of the wall again.
The breegull ends up in a room with a giant human pirate sitting behind a table. He's so tall that the top of Banjo's head wouldn't even reach his knees.
But the bird's nearly as tall as the human.
"What the blazes happened to ye, blubbery buzzard?!" Captain Blackeye exclaims.
"Don't worry about it, washed-up swashbuckler," Kazooie smirks. "You're just having a bad dream~"
The bird lumbers past the table, grabs the man by the shoulders, forces his head down, and brings her mouth down over it.
Captain Blackeye pulls his pistol out of his belt, but Kazooie uses her wing to swat it out of his hand. The same thing happens after he grabs a mug of water, which ends up shattering on the floor. Her beak envelops his broad shoulders and upper arms.
The human grabs the edge of the table and flips it toward the bird, but it just bounces off her blubber and lands back on its legs. His torso, forearms, and hands vanish into her maw.
Once they've lifted off the floor, Captain Blackeye's boots kick at Kazooie's belly, but that just makes it wobble more. She closes her beak around his feet and takes a few more gulps until all of him is in her belly.
The avian's abdomen sags onto the floor, obscuring her talons. Her gut juts out so much that it pushes the huge table up against the wall. Tummy blubber bulges across the top and bottom of the table's edge, making the wood loudly creak.
Kazooie's asscheeks hang a few inches from the floor. Huge, red, and round, her buttocks resemble bigger versions of the fireballs that Chilli Billi spits out. Each one is twice as tall as Banjo.
The number of rolls on each of the breegull's sides doubles from two to four. It looks like there's a set of red steps connecting her gut to her butt. Her love handles jut out to the point that they hang over her legs like awnings.
The bird's bosom becomes even blobbier than Blobbelda's. Six chins jiggle atop her tits, like a stack of pancakes atop two beach balls. Her beak becomes longer than a Buzzbomb.
Kazooie's height and wingspan shoot up as well. Still stuck in her butt, Banjo gulps as he looks up at her feathery mohawk, which brushes the high ceiling.
"Jeez... you're bigger than Boggy's whole family combined!" the bear exclaims.
"Darn right~" the bird giggles. "Not even the furniture at Mad Monster Mansion could hold me~"
Since Kazooie's too big for the hole that she made in the wall, part of her stomach gets stuck in it when she tries to squeeze through. She presses harder until her belly bursts through, making the hole even bigger.
As the bird lumbers over to the bar, her abdomen pushes stools and tables out of the way. Then she wedges her belly in the hole where the entrance used to be. She leans forward until her paunch pops outside, taking out even more of the wall.
"Well, you've eaten everyone here who was in Nuts & Bolts, and then some..." Banjo says. "Think you can still fit through the tunnel back to the Cliff Top?"
"Probably not, but I won't let that stop me~" Kazooie smirks.
She turns right, spreads her huge wings straight out in a T-pose, and begins to flap them.
At first, all that does is make her blubber wobble against the cobblestoned plaza, making loud slapping noises.
But, as she flaps harder, her gut and butt lift off the ground.
Within a few minutes, her mass is higher than the rooftops, jiggling like mad.
Kazooie's buttcheeks repeatedly bounce, slapping Banjo in the face over and over.
"Oof, oof, oof!" the bear grunts. "I -- oof! -- thought -- oof! -- you -- oof! -- needed --"
"A Flight Pad to fly?" the bird interjects. "Apparently not. Probably because we're not in the middle of a game right now.
"So, I can do whatever I want~"
The breegull keeps flying up until she's higher than the cliffs that overlook the plaza. Then she slowly moves forward.
Her flight is so sluggish that it takes a minute for her to pass over the lagoon's far end.
"...Sheesh, flying so slow is more boring than Banjo-Pilot," she huffs. "...But this trip'll be worth the wait~"
Kazooie gradually flies over the Plateau. Her mass casts a shadow over much of the Wooded Hollow.
Finally, she enters the airspace over Jinjo Village.
Once she's directly above King Jingaling's palace, she smirks. "Who needs the Bill Drill when you've got the Flab Smash~?"
The breegull stops flapping and careens downward. Her mass smashes through the dome on top of the palace and lands with a "CRRRRASH!!!!" right in front of the chaise longue where the monarch sits. Her blubber wobbles like mad atop the golden floor, which has several cracks in it.
"Whoa!!" Jingaling gasps as he looks up at the bird's head. "...Kazooie?! Attempted regicide -- what's gotten into you?!"
"You, in a second~" the bird winks.
She uses a wing to grab the king, opens her maw wide, and stuffs him inside, tall crown and all. Then she snatches Toots, Jingaling's little pet anteater, and eats him too.
As Kazooie lumbers toward the exit, Banjo frowns. "I feel kinda bad... King Dingaling gave us our first Jiggy in Banjo-Tooie."
The bird scoffs. "And then he made us play 'Jinjo Bingo' in Nuts & Bolts. Trust me, he's better off in my belly."
Her gut is so large that none of it can fit into the narrow doorway. She presses her belly against the wall until it bursts through, leaving a huge hole.
The avian's now facing the face of a tall cliff with a tiny tunnel. A nearby sign reads, "BOTTLES' HOUSE."
"Don't think I can smash my way through this..." Kazooie muses aloud.
She opens wide, takes a big bite out of the face of the cliff, and swallows the dirt and rock.
"Ugh," she grimaces. "It tastes awful... But I didn't come this far to quit~"
Piece by piece, the breegull gradually widens the tunnel -- and her own body. She grows so much that it takes several minutes for the size of the opening to eclipse the size of her blubber.
Then she squeezes through the tunnel and reaches a small cave. The wall in front of her resembles the side of a molehill, with windows and a doorway in it.
Bottles, Mrs. Bottles, Speccy, and Goggles come out of the opening, see the beastly breegull, and gasp.
"...K-Kazooie?!" Bottles exclaims. "-You- were the one making all that noise?!"
"I decided to try eating dirt, just like you, Root Muncher~" the bird smirks. "But now I need a palate cleanser~"
She grabs Bottles and his wife with one wing, their kids with the other, stuffs them all into her maw, and gulps.
Banjo sighs. "Guess Bottles is gone for good this time..."
"Who cares?" Kazooie shrugs. "He wasn't the favorite character in any of our games anyway."
"...True," the bear frowns. "Speaking of characters, who's next on the menu? Grunty? Klungo? Humba Wumba?"
"All of the above, and then some," the bird giggles. "I'm gonna eat the whole island~!"
Banjo's eyes widen. "Wh-what?! ...I know you want to stop Nuts & Bolts from being made, but isn't that overkill??"
"Better safe than sorry~" Kazooie smirks. "Besides... isn't this kinda fun~? Going on an adventure, seeing a bunch of different characters and worlds, collecting things... Tell me you haven't missed doing all this~!"
The bear puts a handpaw on his chin. "...I suppose this is a bit like our games... the first two, at least."
"Exactly!" the bird nods. "And I need to make absolutely certain that our first two are our -only- two.
"And to do that... I need to 100% -this- 'game'~"
Banjo finally smiles. "You can do it, partner~"
Kazooie smiles back. "Heck yeah I can~"
She squeezes through the tunnel and ends up in front of King Jingaling's palace again.
"Like any good completionist, I better start at the beginning," she says.
The breegull flaps her wings, rising and wobbling like mad until she's higher than the tops of the cliffs overlooking Jinjo Village.
Then she slowly flies straight ahead until she's directly above the cobblestoned area in front of her and Banjo's house.
The bird turns to face the building, stops flapping, falls to the ground, and lands with a "WHUUUUUMP!!!!!!" Her buttocks crush much of the fencing on either side of the path leading from the house.
As Kazooie jiggles like gelatin, Banjo's past self comes out of the building, with Kazooie's past self's head sticking out of his backpack.
Their eyes widen when they see the future Kazooie.
"Guh-huh?!?!" the past Banjo exclaims.
"Whoa... I didn't know I had a huge twin sister!!" the past Kazooie says.
The future Kazooie smiles down at her past self. "And -I- can't believe how -tiny- I used to be~! I was as little as Tiptup Jr.... and now I'm as big as Tanktup~!
"...And I'm -still- not done growing~"
She rolls onto her belly, opens wide, brings her beak down on her past self and Banjo's, and gobbles them up, along with a large chunk of the ground.
Then the future Kazooie takes a big bite out of the house and gulps it.
"...You're gonna have a lot of paradoxes to eat after this," the future Banjo says.
"I hope so~!" the bird replies between mouthfuls of house. "I used to think, if it's not edible, I don't want it... But now, I realize -everything- is edible~"
Once she finishes gobbling the building, she awkwardly turns around and starts eating her way up the path. Her beak leaves deeper and deeper gouges in the ground.
By the time the breegull reaches a fork in the path, her buttocks are so wide that they brush the faces of the cliffs that towered over the house.
She turns right and starts eating the veggie garden.
Once she's done, she moves onto the quarry.
By the time that she eats the part of the ground with a Grunty-shaped hole in it, her behind rises higher than Spiral Mountain.
Banjo looks down at the widening path of destruction leading from where the house used to be. "Wow... you're even more destructive than the HAG 1!"
"Yeah, I'm a much more monstrous mud-muncher~" the bird giggles.
She starts taking big bites out of the face of the cliff that the head-shaped entrance to Gruntilda's Lair is built into.
Within a few minutes, Kazooie's belly buoys her head high enough that she can bite the long nose off of the witch's visage. Then the breegull begins eating the rest of the face-shaped rock.
Once she's done nibbling the brim off of the witch's-hat-shaped tower, her beak is big enough that she can bring it up on the base of the structure and start swallowing it from the bottom up. One by one, the windows vanish into her maw.
By the time that the bird has gulped the last of the tower, the left side of her belly is completely covering Spiral Mountain and the moat that surrounds it.
Banjo whistles as he looks down at the ground dozens of yards below. "You must be more gargantuan than Stomponadon by now...!"
Kazooie chuckles. "And more voracious than Chompasaurus~"
She eats her way through the mountainside, then starts devouring the worlds beyond. She makes a treat of Ticker's Tower and the rest of Mumbo's Mountain. She rips Cap'n Blubber's ship, the Salty Hippo, to splinters before eating the rest of Treasure Trove Cove. She swallows Clanker the cyborg shark, then crunches into the cavern where he lived.
By the time that the breegull reaches Bubblegloop Swamp, Tanktup the giant turtle isn't big enough to be one mouthful for her. Nor are the huge snowman at Freezeezy Peak, the pyramids in Gobi's Valley, or the namesake building at Mad Monster Mansion.
Once she's eaten all those worlds, she can eat Rusty Bucket Bay in one gulp, ship and all. She does the same thing to Click Clock Wood, gobbling the large tree and the surrounding area in one gulp.
The bird turns herself around, eats what's left of Spiral Mountain, and tears into the mountain that contains the Digger Tunnel. Jinjo Village, Bottles' House, and the Wooded Hollow quickly disappear into her belly. She eats every single building at Mayahem Temple at once.
She turns right and gobbles the entire Plateau, including Glitter Gulch Mine, in one go. She turns right again, and another bite does the same thing to the Cliff Top and Jolly Roger's Lagoon. She turns around and swallows the Pine Grove and Witchyworld all at once.
Kazooie's so huge that she can eat the Wasteland, Terrydactyland, the Quagmire, and Grunty Industries in one gulp. Her blubber rises higher than Cauldron Keep, which she quickly devours.
With the mainland gone, the only worlds left are Hailfire Peaks, which the bird towers over, and Cloud Cuckooland, which is floating near her beak. She easily gobbles both the Lava Side and the Icy Side at once, then takes care of the levitating islands.
Kazooie sits in the ocean where the Isle O' Hags used to be. Her belly is a huge yellow blob, like a misshapen version of the sun. Her red breasts resemble twin versions of Mars that are resting atop that blobby star.
The bird's enormous, crimson buttocks rise out of the water like lava-covered volcanoes. Her wingspan is even wider than her hips, covering more distance than a mountain range. She's so vast that every feather alone is several times Banjo's height.
The bear looks up at the endless labyrinth of back rolls towering over him. "Great work, Kazooie! I knew you could do it~!"
"Me too~" the bird smirks. "Now there's no way Nuts & Bolts can be made.
"...But why stop there~? After all, Banjo-Tooie was the best game Rare ever made. Why not have them go out on a high note and make it the -last- game they ever made~?"
"I think your ego's gotten as big as the rest of you~" Banjo chuckles.
"Don't be silly," the breegull giggles. "It was -always- this big~"
She uses her huge wings to swiftly swim through the ocean. She comes upon the Panther Kingdom, and eats it in a few bites.
She resumes swimming, finds Pinata Island, and breaks it apart. The same fate befalls Timber's Island, Donkey Kong Island, Crocodile Isle, and the Northern Kremisphere. She even tracks down and gobbles up Hivory Towers and the surrounding worlds.
Kazooie is as big as a continent, and her belly rests on the ocean floor. She lowers her head and starts chugging saltwater. Sea levels drop around the world until the oceans are nothing but puddles.
Her beak drills into the seafloor and takes huge bites out of the Earth's crust. She eats her way through the mantle and consumes the core. The planet is reduced to chunks of rock that float around her until she quickly gobbles them up.
"Ahh...~" Kazooie smiles and uses her wings to pat her planetary belly, making it wobble as she orbits the sun. "Feels good to have fixed history~
"...But, come to think of it, I've only done that in -this- universe.
"What about all the -other- universes? What if Nuts & Bolts gets made in some of them? That can't happen!
"Guess it's time to use what I learned from Kirby in Smash~"
She opens wide and starts inhaling. The Earth's moon gets sucked into her maw. Then the other planets and moons in the solar system. Then the sun.
Banjo's eyebrows rise. "Goodness... you really are a completionist~"
Kazooie muffledly chuckles with a mouthful of the sun's gasses. She keeps inhaling until another solar system gets sucked into her maw. Then another. Then yet another.
Soon, she finishes eating the Milky Way and starts gobbling other galaxies. Then other galaxy groups. Then other superclusters.
Within minutes, the bird devours the last of her home universe. She reaches a plane of existence where countless other universes surround her.
Kazooie eats one after another. She eats universes where Nuts & Bolts was eventually going to be made. She eats universes where Banjo-Threeie was eventually going to be made. She eats universes where she and Banjo never existed in the first place.
She eats indiscriminately, sparing nothing. She stretches to sizes that defy description and imagination alike. To compare her to a black hole would be an insult to her girth and gluttony.
Kazooie's so voracious that she eats not only every single universe, but also intangible concepts. She swallows gameplay and devours replay value. She gobbles grinding and feasts on farming. She munches button mashing and consumes quick time events.
She eats her own hitbox and her own health bar. She activates god mode, then eats it. She gets an achievement for eating everything in existence, and then she eats the very concept of achievements.
Finally, there's nothing left to eat. Banjo and Kazooie are all that remain in any reality.
She's so impossibly enormous that she can't see the end of her own blubber. Her flab stretches out endlessly in every direction.
Still nestled in the breegull's behind, Banjo yawns and stretches his arms. "All this excitement wore me out... I'm gonna get back to my nap."
"I think I'll sleep too," Kazooie replies. "Sweet dreams~"
"You too." Within seconds, the bear is snoring.
The bird smiles and whispers, "I did it for you, you know.
"You tried your best to keep it a secret, and pretend to be content.
"But I knew you too well to be fooled.
"I knew how badly you wanted there to be a Banjo-Threeie...
"...And how embarrassed you were by Nuts & Bolts.
"You're lucky I'd do anything for you, partner~"
-----------------------------------------
* * * FRANCHISE & KINKS * * *
Banjo-Kazooie; Female Weight Gain (Beyond-Universal) & Macro; Mass Soft Unwilling Fatal Oral Vore
* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *
This story contains spoilers for all five Banjo-Kazooie games.
* * * SUMMARY * * *
Kazooie the breegull eats characters from her series to change the course of history.
* * * STORY * * *
"I finally figured out a way to get Banjo-Threeie made!" Kazooie exclaims. "We'll go back in time and tell our past selves and everyone else who was in Nuts & Bolts not to be!"
Banjo yawns and stretches out in bed. "Sounds like a lot of work."
The red-crested breegull is nestled in a blue backpack that's hanging from a coatrack. She sways from side to side, making the coatrack rock. "It'll be worth it! C'mon, let's go find Mumbo Dumbo!"
As if on cue, Mumbo Jumbo walks through the front door of Banjo's and Kazooie's house. "Mumbo hear name. What bird want?"
"Perfect timing, Skull Boy!" Kazooie replies. "You've gotta send us back to 2000, right after Banjo-Tooie. We're gonna make sure we get a -good- sequel this time!"
Banjo frowns up at the bird. "...You're not gonna let me sleep until we do this, are you?"
"Not a wink~!" Kazooie winks.
"Mumbo surprised bird have good idea for once," the shaman quips. "Lucky Mumbo still remember time travel spell from Grunty's Revenge. Bear and bird ready?"
The honey bear sighs, gets out of bed, and puts on his backpack. "Ready as I'll ever be."
"Mumbo need cast spell outside, like last time," the shaman says.
He heads through the doorway, and Banjo follows him.
"Hope this works..." Mumbo pulls out his Zap Stick, hops from one foot to the other, and chants, "Eekum Bokum!"
Gradually, the shaman disappears.
"...Did it work?" Kazooie wonders aloud. "Or did Bone Brain just make himself disapparate?"
Banjo turns around. "It did work! Look -- our house is back to being blue and broken-down!"
"Ugh, finally," the bird frowns. "I always hated the color Jolly painted it.
"Speaking of which, let's go to his lagoon. We'll talk to Blubberguts and Jolly first, then go find the others."
Banjo nods and walks away from the house. He passes Spiral Mountain and goes through the Digger Tunnel. He jumps into Jamjars's silo in Jinjo Village and hops out of the one at the Cliff Top. He follows the edge of the cliff, goes into a tunnel, and comes out in Jolly Roger's Lagoon.
Then the bear crosses the plaza, turns left, and walks into a building with a sign that reads, "WAVERACER HIRE."
Inside, Cap'n Blubber is tinkering with a colorful flying saucer. He's about twice as tall as Banjo, who's at eye level with the belt encircling the hippo's hefty belly.
"Welcome back, landlubbers," Cap'n Blubber smiles. "Come t'admire me new spaceship~?"
"Actually, we came back in time to warn you about something awful!" Kazooie explains. "Years from now, a sequel will be made. Unless it's called 'Banjo-Threeie,' you've gotta refuse to be in it. It'll be terrible if it's called something else!"
The hippo's smile fades. "The sequel be that bad, eh? Then I'll tell 'em to shove off when they ask me t'cameo."
"...Actually, you did more than cameo," Banjo says. "You were in a few levels, plus the hub world."
"Banjo!" Kazooie scowls.
Cap'n Blubber tilts his head. "...A few levels, ye say...? The sequel can't be -that- bad, can it...?"
"It -is!-" the breegull huffs. "It's so bad, it's the last game we ever starred in! You can't be in it!!"
The hippo frowns, turns around, and goes back to tinkering with his spaceship. "Sorry, me hearties, but I'd rather be a supportin' character in a bad game than just cameo in a good 'un."
Kazooie grimaces. "Support -this,- Blubberbrains!!"
She curls the end of one wing like a fist, then punches Cap'n Blubber's clothed butt. As his bottom wobbles, he cries out and jerks his head up.
His pirate hat falls into the breegull's open mouth. Her eyes briefly widen, then she starts loudly gulping it down.
The hippo spins around. "Hey!! Gimme me hat back!!"
He sticks his hand into Kazooie's maw and grabs the edge of his hat.
Her brow furrows, and she keeps swallowing. Cap'n Blubber's hand gets forced into her gullet, and his forearm starts getting pulled into her mouth. Her chicken-like neck bulges.
"What the -- leggo, ye scurvy bird!!" the hippo shouts. He uses his free hand to punch the breegull in the beak.
"Kazooie, wh-what're you doing?!" Banjo exclaims. He reaches up, uses both handpaws to grasp Cap'n Blubber's arm, and tries to yank it out of the bird's maw.
Both men's efforts are futile. The breegull keeps gulping, pulling the hippo's elbow into her mouth. The bear's backpack bulges.
Cap'n Blubber tries to wrap his fingers around Kazooie's throat, but her neck is too thick. She keeps swallowing until all of his arm is inside her and her beak touches his shoulder. Banjo's handpaws are forced off of the hippo's arm.
The bear's backpack keeps bulging until it bursts, revealing that the breegull is no longer skinny. Her yellow-feathered belly hangs down to the knees on her long, skinny, yellow legs. Like Heggy the Hen's, her gut juts out further than her beak.
Despite no longer being in Banjo's backpack, Kazooie stays on top of his back by using her wings to hold his shoulders. He unsuccessfully tries to pull them off as he stoops due to her new weight.
"Enough already!!" the bear yells. "You made your point -- let him go before you hurt him!!"
"Yeah, what he said!!" Cap'n Blubber pleads. "I swear I won't be in the sequel, just lemme -- mmmffffff!!!"
He's interrupted when the bird brings her mouth down over his head. She stretches her beak a bit more and takes in his other shoulder too.
Kazooie's belly expands until it spans the length of her legs and touches her talons. She gets so heavy that Banjo falls face-first onto the floor. She ends up lying on her tummy, which covers most of him. Cap'n Blubber tumbles too, and starts futilely pounding the floor with his feet and free hand.
Undeterred, the bird keeps gulping the hippo down. She opens her beak even wider to get it around the largest part of him -- his blubbery gut. She slowly swallows the whole thing, together with his belt, his sword, and the top half of his pants. He keeps kicking his legs and feet until she slurps them up, boots and all.
By now, Kazooie's belly is bigger than the hippo she just ate. It sprawls across the floor, completely covering Banjo and taking up almost as much space as the waveracers that're sitting off to the side. Her tummy is so tubby that her talons can't touch the floor.
It doesn't stay that way for long, though. The breegull suddenly becomes much larger and taller, with longer legs, a wider wingspan, and a bigger beak.
Just as abruptly, while Kazooie's stomach stays the same size, fat shows up across the rest of her body. Her trim behind turns into two large red-feathered buttocks. Each one is big enough to cover Banjo by itself, dwarfing her long tail feathers. A chubby love handle and a wide side roll connect each asscheek to her belly.
The bird's red-feathered breasts go from being smaller than Mingella's to being bigger than Honey B.'s and Humba Wumba's. A new triple chin rests on her larger boobs. Even the sides of her beak widen, making them resemble swollen yellow face cheeks.
Dimples form in them as Kazooie smirks. "Funny... usually, -birds- go into -hippos'- mouths~"
The bird's paunch wobbles, and a muffled noise comes from beneath it. She sits up, making her ass splay onto the floor.
As soon as Banjo is freed from under Kazooie's belly, he loudly gasps for air, as if he just returned to the surface after being underwater.
At first, the bear's body is as flat as it would be if he were in a trash compactor. He stretches back to normal with loud rubbery sounds, stands up, turns around, and looks up at the breegull, who's twice his height.
"K-Kazooie!!" Banjo stutters, wide-eyed. "What've you done?!"
"Duh. I ate Blubberguts," Kazooie replies. "...Though, at this point, maybe -I- should be called that~"
The bear buries his face in his handpaws. "You were supposed to convince him not to be in Nuts & Bolts, not eat him!!"
"True, but this is even better," the breegull retorts. "Now he -definitely- won't be in it~ Just to be safe, I'll eat everyone else who was in it too~!"
Banjo gasps. "Y-you can't do that to all our friends!! ...Besides, if you eat them, Banjo-Threeie won't get made! Wasn't that what you wanted all along?!"
"It was... but I wanna erase Nuts & Bolts from history even more," Kazooie explains. "And not just because it ruined our series -- because it ruined our friends, too.
"Seeing them in that horrible game was like seeing them turn into zombies. I'd do anything to stop that from happening.
"So, don't you get it? I'm doing them a favor by eating them."
The bear frowns. "...Couldn't you just eat Grunty's head to stop Nuts & Bolts from getting made?"
The bird shakes her head. "No matter what, she always comes back somehow. As a skeleton, a robot, or both. Eating everyone is the only sure way to fix the timeline."
Banjo sighs. "...I guess you're right... Fine. Go ahead and do it."
"As if you could stop me~" Kazooie smirks. "Speaking of which... let's see how -you- like getting carried around~"
She uses a wing to reach down, scoop up the bear, and nestle his body between her buttcheeks. His head sticks out of her asscrack, blushing hard.
Once Kazooie stands up, her belly reaches her knees. As she waddles out of the building, her thighs press into her broad underbelly with every step, making her paunch wobble like mad. Meanwhile, her buttocks jiggle separately, with the left one bumping up against Banjo's muzzle, then the right, then the left.
The bird heads up one set of stairs to get to the plaza, then another to reach Mumbo's Skull. She's too tall to waddle inside, so she lies down on her belly and crawls through. The doorway is just barely big enough for her gut to get through.
Once inside, Kazooie stands up, waddles up the curving ramp, and approaches the throne where Mumbo's sitting.
The shaman's eyes widen. "What happen?! Bird gone all fat, got big tits... Hur... hur~!"
The breegull smirks down at Mumbo. "You're about to make 'em even bigger, Short Stuff~"
"...But Mumbo not know spell for -- nnnfffff!!!"
Kazooie cuts him off by bringing her open mouth down over his head. He reaches into his skirt and pulls out his Zap Stick, but he drops it once the bird starts gulping his shoulders and arms. Within seconds, she's slurping up his bare feet.
The breegull grows only a little, since Mumbo makes a much smaller meal than Cap'n Blubber. She has to squeeze her belly and behind through the doorway while crawling her way out. Then she stands up and waddles back down to the plaza.
"...Wait a minute," Banjo says. "Since you ate Mumbo just now... doesn't that mean he won't be able to send us back in time in the future...?"
Kazooie waves a wing. "Oh, who cares? If I made a paradox... I'll just eat it~"
She turns right and starts waddling toward a building with a sign that reads, "PAWNO'S EMPORIUM ~ BUY SELL & TRADE."
"...Pawno wasn't in Nuts & Bolts, was he?" Banjo asks.
"He wasn't, but as long as I'm here, I might as well gobble him too," the bird chuckles. "It's fun to eat people~"
The bear blinks. "Goodness... you're even more gluttonous than Nabnut!"
Kazooie waddles into the shop and approaches the counter. She's even taller than the fox who's standing behind the cash register.
His eyes go from half-lidded to wide-open. "...Kazooie?! What happened to you?!"
The bird smirks. "This is for charging twenty doubloons for a Jiggy~"
Before Pawno can react, Kazooie uses her wings to reach over the counter, grab him, and shove his head and chest into her mouth. He hits her side with his crutch, but that just makes her blubber wobble. His arms, torso, long tail, footpaw, and peg leg disappear past her beak.
The breegull's belly swells until it covers half her lower legs. Her rear end sags as low as her knees. Her love handles swell, and a second roll appears on each of her sides.
Her boobs become as huge as Mrs. Boggy's. A new fourth chin covers a sliver of Kazooie's larger cleavage. The sides of her beak become bigger than Banjo's muzzle. She grows taller as well, with a wingspan as wide as Eyrie the eagle when he was a baby.
Banjo whistles as he looks up at the breegull's bigger back rolls. "You're getting so fat, you'd make Mr. Fit look... fit."
"That's right~!" Kazooie beams. "Move over, Chief Bloatazin, there's a new tubbo in town~"
She waddles out of the shop. Her belly is so wide that it brushes both sides of the stone doorway, and she's so tall that she has to bow her head to get through.
The big bird lumbers across the plaza, goes down a set of stairs, turns right, and approaches a pool where two pigs are swimming.
Her wingspan is so large that she can reach down and grab both pigs at once. She swiftly shoves them into her maw and gulps them, one after the other.
"Mmm... not bad~" Kazooie murrs. "But I wish I were in my dragon form, so I could've cooked them into crispy bacon~"
The breegull's belly grows only slightly, but it's wide enough that it gets stuck in the doorway when she tries to enter a nearby building with a sign that reads, "JOLLY'S."
Kazooie grunts and pushes harder. More of her belly blubber squeezes into the doorway, making a loud, rubbery noise. Cracks form in the stone.
Finally, the bird bursts through, taking out hunks of the wall on all three sides of the doorway.
The frog behind the bar meeps. "Oh no, not -another- hole in the wall!!"
"In a minute, I'll make it even bigger~" Kazooie giggles.
She reaches over the bar, grabs Jolly Roger, and crams his upper body into her mouth. His limp wrists and flailing feet quickly vanish past her beak.
Merry Maggie Malpass gasps and drops her mirror, which shatters on the floor. "I can't believe I'm gonna get eaten -again-...!"
"Your fault for looking so tasty, big gal~" the breegull winks. She snatches the toad, shoves her into her maw, and swallows her in one go.
Then Kazooie waddles over to a doorway on the other side of the room. Like the entrance to the building, it's too narrow for her gut. She squeezes her belly into the opening until it crashes through, knocking down chunks of the wall again.
The breegull ends up in a room with a giant human pirate sitting behind a table. He's so tall that the top of Banjo's head wouldn't even reach his knees.
But the bird's nearly as tall as the human.
"What the blazes happened to ye, blubbery buzzard?!" Captain Blackeye exclaims.
"Don't worry about it, washed-up swashbuckler," Kazooie smirks. "You're just having a bad dream~"
The bird lumbers past the table, grabs the man by the shoulders, forces his head down, and brings her mouth down over it.
Captain Blackeye pulls his pistol out of his belt, but Kazooie uses her wing to swat it out of his hand. The same thing happens after he grabs a mug of water, which ends up shattering on the floor. Her beak envelops his broad shoulders and upper arms.
The human grabs the edge of the table and flips it toward the bird, but it just bounces off her blubber and lands back on its legs. His torso, forearms, and hands vanish into her maw.
Once they've lifted off the floor, Captain Blackeye's boots kick at Kazooie's belly, but that just makes it wobble more. She closes her beak around his feet and takes a few more gulps until all of him is in her belly.
The avian's abdomen sags onto the floor, obscuring her talons. Her gut juts out so much that it pushes the huge table up against the wall. Tummy blubber bulges across the top and bottom of the table's edge, making the wood loudly creak.
Kazooie's asscheeks hang a few inches from the floor. Huge, red, and round, her buttocks resemble bigger versions of the fireballs that Chilli Billi spits out. Each one is twice as tall as Banjo.
The number of rolls on each of the breegull's sides doubles from two to four. It looks like there's a set of red steps connecting her gut to her butt. Her love handles jut out to the point that they hang over her legs like awnings.
The bird's bosom becomes even blobbier than Blobbelda's. Six chins jiggle atop her tits, like a stack of pancakes atop two beach balls. Her beak becomes longer than a Buzzbomb.
Kazooie's height and wingspan shoot up as well. Still stuck in her butt, Banjo gulps as he looks up at her feathery mohawk, which brushes the high ceiling.
"Jeez... you're bigger than Boggy's whole family combined!" the bear exclaims.
"Darn right~" the bird giggles. "Not even the furniture at Mad Monster Mansion could hold me~"
Since Kazooie's too big for the hole that she made in the wall, part of her stomach gets stuck in it when she tries to squeeze through. She presses harder until her belly bursts through, making the hole even bigger.
As the bird lumbers over to the bar, her abdomen pushes stools and tables out of the way. Then she wedges her belly in the hole where the entrance used to be. She leans forward until her paunch pops outside, taking out even more of the wall.
"Well, you've eaten everyone here who was in Nuts & Bolts, and then some..." Banjo says. "Think you can still fit through the tunnel back to the Cliff Top?"
"Probably not, but I won't let that stop me~" Kazooie smirks.
She turns right, spreads her huge wings straight out in a T-pose, and begins to flap them.
At first, all that does is make her blubber wobble against the cobblestoned plaza, making loud slapping noises.
But, as she flaps harder, her gut and butt lift off the ground.
Within a few minutes, her mass is higher than the rooftops, jiggling like mad.
Kazooie's buttcheeks repeatedly bounce, slapping Banjo in the face over and over.
"Oof, oof, oof!" the bear grunts. "I -- oof! -- thought -- oof! -- you -- oof! -- needed --"
"A Flight Pad to fly?" the bird interjects. "Apparently not. Probably because we're not in the middle of a game right now.
"So, I can do whatever I want~"
The breegull keeps flying up until she's higher than the cliffs that overlook the plaza. Then she slowly moves forward.
Her flight is so sluggish that it takes a minute for her to pass over the lagoon's far end.
"...Sheesh, flying so slow is more boring than Banjo-Pilot," she huffs. "...But this trip'll be worth the wait~"
Kazooie gradually flies over the Plateau. Her mass casts a shadow over much of the Wooded Hollow.
Finally, she enters the airspace over Jinjo Village.
Once she's directly above King Jingaling's palace, she smirks. "Who needs the Bill Drill when you've got the Flab Smash~?"
The breegull stops flapping and careens downward. Her mass smashes through the dome on top of the palace and lands with a "CRRRRASH!!!!" right in front of the chaise longue where the monarch sits. Her blubber wobbles like mad atop the golden floor, which has several cracks in it.
"Whoa!!" Jingaling gasps as he looks up at the bird's head. "...Kazooie?! Attempted regicide -- what's gotten into you?!"
"You, in a second~" the bird winks.
She uses a wing to grab the king, opens her maw wide, and stuffs him inside, tall crown and all. Then she snatches Toots, Jingaling's little pet anteater, and eats him too.
As Kazooie lumbers toward the exit, Banjo frowns. "I feel kinda bad... King Dingaling gave us our first Jiggy in Banjo-Tooie."
The bird scoffs. "And then he made us play 'Jinjo Bingo' in Nuts & Bolts. Trust me, he's better off in my belly."
Her gut is so large that none of it can fit into the narrow doorway. She presses her belly against the wall until it bursts through, leaving a huge hole.
The avian's now facing the face of a tall cliff with a tiny tunnel. A nearby sign reads, "BOTTLES' HOUSE."
"Don't think I can smash my way through this..." Kazooie muses aloud.
She opens wide, takes a big bite out of the face of the cliff, and swallows the dirt and rock.
"Ugh," she grimaces. "It tastes awful... But I didn't come this far to quit~"
Piece by piece, the breegull gradually widens the tunnel -- and her own body. She grows so much that it takes several minutes for the size of the opening to eclipse the size of her blubber.
Then she squeezes through the tunnel and reaches a small cave. The wall in front of her resembles the side of a molehill, with windows and a doorway in it.
Bottles, Mrs. Bottles, Speccy, and Goggles come out of the opening, see the beastly breegull, and gasp.
"...K-Kazooie?!" Bottles exclaims. "-You- were the one making all that noise?!"
"I decided to try eating dirt, just like you, Root Muncher~" the bird smirks. "But now I need a palate cleanser~"
She grabs Bottles and his wife with one wing, their kids with the other, stuffs them all into her maw, and gulps.
Banjo sighs. "Guess Bottles is gone for good this time..."
"Who cares?" Kazooie shrugs. "He wasn't the favorite character in any of our games anyway."
"...True," the bear frowns. "Speaking of characters, who's next on the menu? Grunty? Klungo? Humba Wumba?"
"All of the above, and then some," the bird giggles. "I'm gonna eat the whole island~!"
Banjo's eyes widen. "Wh-what?! ...I know you want to stop Nuts & Bolts from being made, but isn't that overkill??"
"Better safe than sorry~" Kazooie smirks. "Besides... isn't this kinda fun~? Going on an adventure, seeing a bunch of different characters and worlds, collecting things... Tell me you haven't missed doing all this~!"
The bear puts a handpaw on his chin. "...I suppose this is a bit like our games... the first two, at least."
"Exactly!" the bird nods. "And I need to make absolutely certain that our first two are our -only- two.
"And to do that... I need to 100% -this- 'game'~"
Banjo finally smiles. "You can do it, partner~"
Kazooie smiles back. "Heck yeah I can~"
She squeezes through the tunnel and ends up in front of King Jingaling's palace again.
"Like any good completionist, I better start at the beginning," she says.
The breegull flaps her wings, rising and wobbling like mad until she's higher than the tops of the cliffs overlooking Jinjo Village.
Then she slowly flies straight ahead until she's directly above the cobblestoned area in front of her and Banjo's house.
The bird turns to face the building, stops flapping, falls to the ground, and lands with a "WHUUUUUMP!!!!!!" Her buttocks crush much of the fencing on either side of the path leading from the house.
As Kazooie jiggles like gelatin, Banjo's past self comes out of the building, with Kazooie's past self's head sticking out of his backpack.
Their eyes widen when they see the future Kazooie.
"Guh-huh?!?!" the past Banjo exclaims.
"Whoa... I didn't know I had a huge twin sister!!" the past Kazooie says.
The future Kazooie smiles down at her past self. "And -I- can't believe how -tiny- I used to be~! I was as little as Tiptup Jr.... and now I'm as big as Tanktup~!
"...And I'm -still- not done growing~"
She rolls onto her belly, opens wide, brings her beak down on her past self and Banjo's, and gobbles them up, along with a large chunk of the ground.
Then the future Kazooie takes a big bite out of the house and gulps it.
"...You're gonna have a lot of paradoxes to eat after this," the future Banjo says.
"I hope so~!" the bird replies between mouthfuls of house. "I used to think, if it's not edible, I don't want it... But now, I realize -everything- is edible~"
Once she finishes gobbling the building, she awkwardly turns around and starts eating her way up the path. Her beak leaves deeper and deeper gouges in the ground.
By the time the breegull reaches a fork in the path, her buttocks are so wide that they brush the faces of the cliffs that towered over the house.
She turns right and starts eating the veggie garden.
Once she's done, she moves onto the quarry.
By the time that she eats the part of the ground with a Grunty-shaped hole in it, her behind rises higher than Spiral Mountain.
Banjo looks down at the widening path of destruction leading from where the house used to be. "Wow... you're even more destructive than the HAG 1!"
"Yeah, I'm a much more monstrous mud-muncher~" the bird giggles.
She starts taking big bites out of the face of the cliff that the head-shaped entrance to Gruntilda's Lair is built into.
Within a few minutes, Kazooie's belly buoys her head high enough that she can bite the long nose off of the witch's visage. Then the breegull begins eating the rest of the face-shaped rock.
Once she's done nibbling the brim off of the witch's-hat-shaped tower, her beak is big enough that she can bring it up on the base of the structure and start swallowing it from the bottom up. One by one, the windows vanish into her maw.
By the time that the bird has gulped the last of the tower, the left side of her belly is completely covering Spiral Mountain and the moat that surrounds it.
Banjo whistles as he looks down at the ground dozens of yards below. "You must be more gargantuan than Stomponadon by now...!"
Kazooie chuckles. "And more voracious than Chompasaurus~"
She eats her way through the mountainside, then starts devouring the worlds beyond. She makes a treat of Ticker's Tower and the rest of Mumbo's Mountain. She rips Cap'n Blubber's ship, the Salty Hippo, to splinters before eating the rest of Treasure Trove Cove. She swallows Clanker the cyborg shark, then crunches into the cavern where he lived.
By the time that the breegull reaches Bubblegloop Swamp, Tanktup the giant turtle isn't big enough to be one mouthful for her. Nor are the huge snowman at Freezeezy Peak, the pyramids in Gobi's Valley, or the namesake building at Mad Monster Mansion.
Once she's eaten all those worlds, she can eat Rusty Bucket Bay in one gulp, ship and all. She does the same thing to Click Clock Wood, gobbling the large tree and the surrounding area in one gulp.
The bird turns herself around, eats what's left of Spiral Mountain, and tears into the mountain that contains the Digger Tunnel. Jinjo Village, Bottles' House, and the Wooded Hollow quickly disappear into her belly. She eats every single building at Mayahem Temple at once.
She turns right and gobbles the entire Plateau, including Glitter Gulch Mine, in one go. She turns right again, and another bite does the same thing to the Cliff Top and Jolly Roger's Lagoon. She turns around and swallows the Pine Grove and Witchyworld all at once.
Kazooie's so huge that she can eat the Wasteland, Terrydactyland, the Quagmire, and Grunty Industries in one gulp. Her blubber rises higher than Cauldron Keep, which she quickly devours.
With the mainland gone, the only worlds left are Hailfire Peaks, which the bird towers over, and Cloud Cuckooland, which is floating near her beak. She easily gobbles both the Lava Side and the Icy Side at once, then takes care of the levitating islands.
Kazooie sits in the ocean where the Isle O' Hags used to be. Her belly is a huge yellow blob, like a misshapen version of the sun. Her red breasts resemble twin versions of Mars that are resting atop that blobby star.
The bird's enormous, crimson buttocks rise out of the water like lava-covered volcanoes. Her wingspan is even wider than her hips, covering more distance than a mountain range. She's so vast that every feather alone is several times Banjo's height.
The bear looks up at the endless labyrinth of back rolls towering over him. "Great work, Kazooie! I knew you could do it~!"
"Me too~" the bird smirks. "Now there's no way Nuts & Bolts can be made.
"...But why stop there~? After all, Banjo-Tooie was the best game Rare ever made. Why not have them go out on a high note and make it the -last- game they ever made~?"
"I think your ego's gotten as big as the rest of you~" Banjo chuckles.
"Don't be silly," the breegull giggles. "It was -always- this big~"
She uses her huge wings to swiftly swim through the ocean. She comes upon the Panther Kingdom, and eats it in a few bites.
She resumes swimming, finds Pinata Island, and breaks it apart. The same fate befalls Timber's Island, Donkey Kong Island, Crocodile Isle, and the Northern Kremisphere. She even tracks down and gobbles up Hivory Towers and the surrounding worlds.
Kazooie is as big as a continent, and her belly rests on the ocean floor. She lowers her head and starts chugging saltwater. Sea levels drop around the world until the oceans are nothing but puddles.
Her beak drills into the seafloor and takes huge bites out of the Earth's crust. She eats her way through the mantle and consumes the core. The planet is reduced to chunks of rock that float around her until she quickly gobbles them up.
"Ahh...~" Kazooie smiles and uses her wings to pat her planetary belly, making it wobble as she orbits the sun. "Feels good to have fixed history~
"...But, come to think of it, I've only done that in -this- universe.
"What about all the -other- universes? What if Nuts & Bolts gets made in some of them? That can't happen!
"Guess it's time to use what I learned from Kirby in Smash~"
She opens wide and starts inhaling. The Earth's moon gets sucked into her maw. Then the other planets and moons in the solar system. Then the sun.
Banjo's eyebrows rise. "Goodness... you really are a completionist~"
Kazooie muffledly chuckles with a mouthful of the sun's gasses. She keeps inhaling until another solar system gets sucked into her maw. Then another. Then yet another.
Soon, she finishes eating the Milky Way and starts gobbling other galaxies. Then other galaxy groups. Then other superclusters.
Within minutes, the bird devours the last of her home universe. She reaches a plane of existence where countless other universes surround her.
Kazooie eats one after another. She eats universes where Nuts & Bolts was eventually going to be made. She eats universes where Banjo-Threeie was eventually going to be made. She eats universes where she and Banjo never existed in the first place.
She eats indiscriminately, sparing nothing. She stretches to sizes that defy description and imagination alike. To compare her to a black hole would be an insult to her girth and gluttony.
Kazooie's so voracious that she eats not only every single universe, but also intangible concepts. She swallows gameplay and devours replay value. She gobbles grinding and feasts on farming. She munches button mashing and consumes quick time events.
She eats her own hitbox and her own health bar. She activates god mode, then eats it. She gets an achievement for eating everything in existence, and then she eats the very concept of achievements.
Finally, there's nothing left to eat. Banjo and Kazooie are all that remain in any reality.
She's so impossibly enormous that she can't see the end of her own blubber. Her flab stretches out endlessly in every direction.
Still nestled in the breegull's behind, Banjo yawns and stretches his arms. "All this excitement wore me out... I'm gonna get back to my nap."
"I think I'll sleep too," Kazooie replies. "Sweet dreams~"
"You too." Within seconds, the bear is snoring.
The bird smiles and whispers, "I did it for you, you know.
"You tried your best to keep it a secret, and pretend to be content.
"But I knew you too well to be fooled.
"I knew how badly you wanted there to be a Banjo-Threeie...
"...And how embarrassed you were by Nuts & Bolts.
"You're lucky I'd do anything for you, partner~"
5,453-word commission for KenGreninja
Banjo-Kazooie & all characters © Microsoft Corporation
Plain Text on DeviantArt
PDF on Weasyl
Banjo-Kazooie & all characters © Microsoft Corporation
Plain Text on DeviantArt
PDF on Weasyl
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Avian (Other)
Gender Female
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 31.2 kB
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