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The Case of the Spam Comments
Leo the Tiger speaking; you also know me as the Marching Wonder. In the times I have lived at my raised ranch home, the downstairs of has my USA Room (meaning it is decorated from top to bottom with the designs of Old Glory), which doubles as my bedroom and my music room with tons of percussion instruments, I've had multiple neighbors come and go. I've also been fortunate they haven't ever complained about the noise. I had a policy going for me that I never played any instruments after 10 p.m.; otherwise, I might have made them mad. Then again, I never was a night person (or tiger), anyways; I've always been a morning type.
The house directly across from me isn't a raised ranch; it's just a one-story house, but it is large enough to hold all my percussion instruments. The last person who lived there wasn't a musician, though, but he had a big family, so everything was justified. However, he and his wife were downsizing due to all their kids moving out (and there were seven in total, five boys and two girls), so it allowed my new neighbor to move in.
Who is my new neighbor, you ask? Retired U.S. Army soldier and U.S. Lion Corps Band percussionist Lionel Drummond; that's who. He used to live in a big house that by coincidence matched the mansion seen in the first "Jumanji" film. Why? That was just an eerie coincidence; the people didn't know they were doing that when they built it, and he inherited it from his father. He had all of his percussion instruments in the attic, though, since there was no other place to put them. He played each one with pride (pun intended because he is a lion), and filmed himself for the musical payroll system.
However, he had to set his YouTube channel (because the system asks its participants to film themselves for YouTube) to where all videos had all the comments turned off. This was due to the bizarre number of spam comments that were popping up all over his videos, as well as comments about the movie. The ones that were bugging him the most were the ones that were poking fun at him, claiming he was bound to disappear to his doom because of where he lived. The spam comments, though, were all related to people wanting sex in the wrong manner, in all ways that would go against the policies of the Bible and the G-52 Code of Conduct (which is based off the Bible's principles). Drummond, being an ally (because Super C classified all lions in the U.S. Lion Corps Band and all tigers of the U.S. Tiger Corps Band as allies to the G-52s), felt he had a sense of duty to obey the code. What he never was able to determine was why the spammers said what they said and why they were saying it so often on his channel, of all channels, but YouTube did nothing about it no matter how many times he complained about it. (He sent four complaints in total.)
Finally, he said to himself, "Enough is enough! I'm getting out of here!" With some professional help, he put the house up for sale, but because it looked like the house in "Jumanji," he intentionally sold it to a super fan of the movie and franchise it spawned, but the super fan was not among the ones who were guilty of harassing him on YouTube. (Do note all the spammers were eventually busted because Leo the Patriotic Lion's administration stated it was doing heavy crackdowns on internet trolls, but Lionel didn't get that message until later.)
Drummond didn't notice he was living across from me until the day he moved in. "No; I didn't know this was your home," he said as I helped him and the movers (plus the Drumbums that were volunteering) move his large collection of instruments into the places he wanted it, before we got to the rest of the items, from the furniture to all his wardrobe (since he liked wearing the military uniforms when performing; though if he was playing the taiko drums of his, he wore karate clothing). "I just wanted to get out of that house. I got tired of this semi-constant harassment."
"Oh?" I said. "There's people that have been bothering you?"
"I filed a complaint with YouTube four times and nothing was done about it. At least not until Leo Zanicchi was elected President. But as your friend Blue might tell you, the home I lived in matched the main house of the film 'Jumanji,' 100%."
"I do remember him saying something about that. I had to tell him that it was extremely unpopular with the people of Wildcat City; I guess we just made assumptions about it that weren't true. I don't know."
"Well, all the ones I was complaining about came from outside the city, because a lot of tourists were asking why the city had an exact replica of the house. Then they were bitterly disappointed to discover who lived in it, and what the occupant (me) did for a living, and so they decided to make jokes about it at my expense. I think CNG has punished them all for it now."
"I hope it didn't kill them."
"It probably turned them all into animals of some kind."
"That's possible. CNG just wants a world with no humans, but it doesn't always kill them. Some humans become animals because they're innocent lives being protected from the criminals going after them. If CNG was to kill anybody in your case, it's the ones responsible for all those spam comments because they were all about dating and making love."
"I'd rather be pure and perform my percussion music."
"So would I."
It was Blue's day to visit, and so, shapeshifting from a human to lion himself, he proudly perfomed with Lionel and me, and marched in obedience all the way. We did this in my house, however; we wouldn't officially tour the new house until tomorrow. The Drumbums that volunteered to help with moving in were also performing, and we kept our paws in step and beat our drums like true soldiers.
The next day, Drummond uploaded the latest of his percussion videos to his channel while making sure the comments were turned off, but because he took photos of the comments when he complained to YouTube and sent them the messages, he also decided he would report them to Super C and to the Zanicchi Administration. Though he didn't originally contact the C.I.D.F. about it, they decided to get in on the act themselves, though not all cases they handle involve CNG. But it was still the right decision for them to investigate.
"Do you have any idea why YouTube did nothing about it?" Super C asked.
"I don't know," said Drummond. "Then again, chances are they were doing something about it. They just never gave me a response. Maybe I was too angry about it."
"Either way, it's not worth losing your temper over."
"No. Not really. I just wanted out of that circumstance more than anything."
"What makes you think CNG punished the spammers?"
"Just a hunch. I hope I'm wrong. I know CNG has a conscience, and that it plots to kill all of humanity."
"If the spammers after you weren't using CNG," said the squadron leader of the C.I.D.F. unit present, "then all we can do is let the proper legal action be taken. Yet you said there were way more than normal."
"Yes. The local newspaper reported it as 400% more common than the average YouTube account that gets those kinds of spam comments. They might have been spam bots, even, and not people."
"People still have to create those spam bots," Super C interjected.
"True."
"How long was it happening to you before you moved out?"
"About a month. The payroll authorities were also getting tired of it. They weren't sure what was going on either. 'What do these spam ads about dating and such have to do with you obeying our orders to play the snare drum part of the 'Superman March?' they'd ask me. 'I don't know,' I said. 'It's so confusing.'" (The fact they had him do the "Superman March" was actually a way to honor Super C. Just as it was common to play "Star Wars" music honoring Leo as the "Galactic Emperor," except he wasn't evil, the Forsythians began a tradition of playing the "Superman March" in honor of the Cat of Steel. John Williams didn't have a problem with it, though; in fact, he rather enjoyed it.)
It seemed like a dead end, because we didn't know where to start the investigation. However, because it made the national news, the FBI was cooperating with the C.I.D.F. in doing everything that needed to be done to find the ones who created the spam bots. As it turns out, though none of them were CNG smugglers, others who were smuggling it accidentally exposed them as the spammers because when the CNG did its dirty work and killed the smugglers, it showed holographic images of the comments on Drummond's account, leading the puzzled police to ask them what the images meant. The images then froze so the criminals could look at them, and they felt it forced them to confess their sins.
Upon being arrested that night, the smugglers then revealed they all lived in Boston, MA, and that they just chose a totally random YouTube channel to spam. They were hoping the luck of the draw, according to a program they had written, would put these spam comments on the YouTube channel of the G-52 organization, in the hopes it would get people to distrust them and ultimately get Leo impeached. Yet they had a severe fear of Leo because they still thought he was going to bellow and condemn them to hell. CNG had previously gotten to the brains, but there was no way to prove it other than what the C.I.D.F.'s scans from their superpowers showed. Yet nobody knew how the CNG got to them, because the CNG had erased all possible evidence. (All we knew was that it was black and blue CNG, and black and blue encourages bad behavior, so everybody write that down.)
"So that's why you hoped it would randomly select the G-52 channel?" Leo asked them when INTERPOL brought them to him. "You weren't willing to just attack the channel directly?"
"Because we knew you'd bellow at us!" they protested.
"Actually, no; that's just what CNG wants you to think. If I bellow once more, I die. That's the contract the heavens have placed on me, and it will last forever."
"Are you sure you genuinely thought he was going to bellow at you and feared it, and you weren't doing that because you were trying to tempt him into bellowing?" Tom the Patriotic Tiger asked. It was a gutsy question to ask, but the more the criminals tried to lie their way out of it, the more it was obvious that the current Vice-President of the United States was correct in guessing that.
"Always go with your gut instinct, Tom," Leo congratulated as the crooks went off to jail via T2's recall pods. Because they were CNG smugglers, the ICC (International Criminal Court), located in the Netherlands, was making an appointment to deal with them upon discovering they were intending to attack the G-52s.
As soon as everything was cleared up, Google and YouTube sent a personal apology to Drummond for stressing him out, and for not sending him a reply back stating that they actually were trying to solve the problem. They just hadn't wrote to him yet. However, at this point, all the spammers were gone, and Drummond's account had been restored in good faith to its rightful position, which now saw its amount of subscribers triple. However, that wasn't a glitch. Most of the new subscribers were other payroll members who hadn't got around to him yet. Neither was it a glitch that all his videos now had less than 2 million views on it. People really appreciated his talents as a percussionist, and the duty he served as a soldier. Now they wanted to thank him for it.
Later that week, Drummond went to Washington, D.C., to perform with others of the U.S. Lion Corps Band, and because of his decorated military career and his accomplishments (which for everybody's sake will remain anonymous), Leo awarded him the Soldier's Medal. What a day in his life that was!
Thank you, and watch out for spam bots, now.
THE END
-----------------------------------------
The Case of the Spam Comments
Leo the Tiger speaking; you also know me as the Marching Wonder. In the times I have lived at my raised ranch home, the downstairs of has my USA Room (meaning it is decorated from top to bottom with the designs of Old Glory), which doubles as my bedroom and my music room with tons of percussion instruments, I've had multiple neighbors come and go. I've also been fortunate they haven't ever complained about the noise. I had a policy going for me that I never played any instruments after 10 p.m.; otherwise, I might have made them mad. Then again, I never was a night person (or tiger), anyways; I've always been a morning type.
The house directly across from me isn't a raised ranch; it's just a one-story house, but it is large enough to hold all my percussion instruments. The last person who lived there wasn't a musician, though, but he had a big family, so everything was justified. However, he and his wife were downsizing due to all their kids moving out (and there were seven in total, five boys and two girls), so it allowed my new neighbor to move in.
Who is my new neighbor, you ask? Retired U.S. Army soldier and U.S. Lion Corps Band percussionist Lionel Drummond; that's who. He used to live in a big house that by coincidence matched the mansion seen in the first "Jumanji" film. Why? That was just an eerie coincidence; the people didn't know they were doing that when they built it, and he inherited it from his father. He had all of his percussion instruments in the attic, though, since there was no other place to put them. He played each one with pride (pun intended because he is a lion), and filmed himself for the musical payroll system.
However, he had to set his YouTube channel (because the system asks its participants to film themselves for YouTube) to where all videos had all the comments turned off. This was due to the bizarre number of spam comments that were popping up all over his videos, as well as comments about the movie. The ones that were bugging him the most were the ones that were poking fun at him, claiming he was bound to disappear to his doom because of where he lived. The spam comments, though, were all related to people wanting sex in the wrong manner, in all ways that would go against the policies of the Bible and the G-52 Code of Conduct (which is based off the Bible's principles). Drummond, being an ally (because Super C classified all lions in the U.S. Lion Corps Band and all tigers of the U.S. Tiger Corps Band as allies to the G-52s), felt he had a sense of duty to obey the code. What he never was able to determine was why the spammers said what they said and why they were saying it so often on his channel, of all channels, but YouTube did nothing about it no matter how many times he complained about it. (He sent four complaints in total.)
Finally, he said to himself, "Enough is enough! I'm getting out of here!" With some professional help, he put the house up for sale, but because it looked like the house in "Jumanji," he intentionally sold it to a super fan of the movie and franchise it spawned, but the super fan was not among the ones who were guilty of harassing him on YouTube. (Do note all the spammers were eventually busted because Leo the Patriotic Lion's administration stated it was doing heavy crackdowns on internet trolls, but Lionel didn't get that message until later.)
Drummond didn't notice he was living across from me until the day he moved in. "No; I didn't know this was your home," he said as I helped him and the movers (plus the Drumbums that were volunteering) move his large collection of instruments into the places he wanted it, before we got to the rest of the items, from the furniture to all his wardrobe (since he liked wearing the military uniforms when performing; though if he was playing the taiko drums of his, he wore karate clothing). "I just wanted to get out of that house. I got tired of this semi-constant harassment."
"Oh?" I said. "There's people that have been bothering you?"
"I filed a complaint with YouTube four times and nothing was done about it. At least not until Leo Zanicchi was elected President. But as your friend Blue might tell you, the home I lived in matched the main house of the film 'Jumanji,' 100%."
"I do remember him saying something about that. I had to tell him that it was extremely unpopular with the people of Wildcat City; I guess we just made assumptions about it that weren't true. I don't know."
"Well, all the ones I was complaining about came from outside the city, because a lot of tourists were asking why the city had an exact replica of the house. Then they were bitterly disappointed to discover who lived in it, and what the occupant (me) did for a living, and so they decided to make jokes about it at my expense. I think CNG has punished them all for it now."
"I hope it didn't kill them."
"It probably turned them all into animals of some kind."
"That's possible. CNG just wants a world with no humans, but it doesn't always kill them. Some humans become animals because they're innocent lives being protected from the criminals going after them. If CNG was to kill anybody in your case, it's the ones responsible for all those spam comments because they were all about dating and making love."
"I'd rather be pure and perform my percussion music."
"So would I."
It was Blue's day to visit, and so, shapeshifting from a human to lion himself, he proudly perfomed with Lionel and me, and marched in obedience all the way. We did this in my house, however; we wouldn't officially tour the new house until tomorrow. The Drumbums that volunteered to help with moving in were also performing, and we kept our paws in step and beat our drums like true soldiers.
The next day, Drummond uploaded the latest of his percussion videos to his channel while making sure the comments were turned off, but because he took photos of the comments when he complained to YouTube and sent them the messages, he also decided he would report them to Super C and to the Zanicchi Administration. Though he didn't originally contact the C.I.D.F. about it, they decided to get in on the act themselves, though not all cases they handle involve CNG. But it was still the right decision for them to investigate.
"Do you have any idea why YouTube did nothing about it?" Super C asked.
"I don't know," said Drummond. "Then again, chances are they were doing something about it. They just never gave me a response. Maybe I was too angry about it."
"Either way, it's not worth losing your temper over."
"No. Not really. I just wanted out of that circumstance more than anything."
"What makes you think CNG punished the spammers?"
"Just a hunch. I hope I'm wrong. I know CNG has a conscience, and that it plots to kill all of humanity."
"If the spammers after you weren't using CNG," said the squadron leader of the C.I.D.F. unit present, "then all we can do is let the proper legal action be taken. Yet you said there were way more than normal."
"Yes. The local newspaper reported it as 400% more common than the average YouTube account that gets those kinds of spam comments. They might have been spam bots, even, and not people."
"People still have to create those spam bots," Super C interjected.
"True."
"How long was it happening to you before you moved out?"
"About a month. The payroll authorities were also getting tired of it. They weren't sure what was going on either. 'What do these spam ads about dating and such have to do with you obeying our orders to play the snare drum part of the 'Superman March?' they'd ask me. 'I don't know,' I said. 'It's so confusing.'" (The fact they had him do the "Superman March" was actually a way to honor Super C. Just as it was common to play "Star Wars" music honoring Leo as the "Galactic Emperor," except he wasn't evil, the Forsythians began a tradition of playing the "Superman March" in honor of the Cat of Steel. John Williams didn't have a problem with it, though; in fact, he rather enjoyed it.)
It seemed like a dead end, because we didn't know where to start the investigation. However, because it made the national news, the FBI was cooperating with the C.I.D.F. in doing everything that needed to be done to find the ones who created the spam bots. As it turns out, though none of them were CNG smugglers, others who were smuggling it accidentally exposed them as the spammers because when the CNG did its dirty work and killed the smugglers, it showed holographic images of the comments on Drummond's account, leading the puzzled police to ask them what the images meant. The images then froze so the criminals could look at them, and they felt it forced them to confess their sins.
Upon being arrested that night, the smugglers then revealed they all lived in Boston, MA, and that they just chose a totally random YouTube channel to spam. They were hoping the luck of the draw, according to a program they had written, would put these spam comments on the YouTube channel of the G-52 organization, in the hopes it would get people to distrust them and ultimately get Leo impeached. Yet they had a severe fear of Leo because they still thought he was going to bellow and condemn them to hell. CNG had previously gotten to the brains, but there was no way to prove it other than what the C.I.D.F.'s scans from their superpowers showed. Yet nobody knew how the CNG got to them, because the CNG had erased all possible evidence. (All we knew was that it was black and blue CNG, and black and blue encourages bad behavior, so everybody write that down.)
"So that's why you hoped it would randomly select the G-52 channel?" Leo asked them when INTERPOL brought them to him. "You weren't willing to just attack the channel directly?"
"Because we knew you'd bellow at us!" they protested.
"Actually, no; that's just what CNG wants you to think. If I bellow once more, I die. That's the contract the heavens have placed on me, and it will last forever."
"Are you sure you genuinely thought he was going to bellow at you and feared it, and you weren't doing that because you were trying to tempt him into bellowing?" Tom the Patriotic Tiger asked. It was a gutsy question to ask, but the more the criminals tried to lie their way out of it, the more it was obvious that the current Vice-President of the United States was correct in guessing that.
"Always go with your gut instinct, Tom," Leo congratulated as the crooks went off to jail via T2's recall pods. Because they were CNG smugglers, the ICC (International Criminal Court), located in the Netherlands, was making an appointment to deal with them upon discovering they were intending to attack the G-52s.
As soon as everything was cleared up, Google and YouTube sent a personal apology to Drummond for stressing him out, and for not sending him a reply back stating that they actually were trying to solve the problem. They just hadn't wrote to him yet. However, at this point, all the spammers were gone, and Drummond's account had been restored in good faith to its rightful position, which now saw its amount of subscribers triple. However, that wasn't a glitch. Most of the new subscribers were other payroll members who hadn't got around to him yet. Neither was it a glitch that all his videos now had less than 2 million views on it. People really appreciated his talents as a percussionist, and the duty he served as a soldier. Now they wanted to thank him for it.
Later that week, Drummond went to Washington, D.C., to perform with others of the U.S. Lion Corps Band, and because of his decorated military career and his accomplishments (which for everybody's sake will remain anonymous), Leo awarded him the Soldier's Medal. What a day in his life that was!
Thank you, and watch out for spam bots, now.
THE END
Tired of the semi-constant harassment because the mansion he lived it coincidentally looked like the house in the film "Jumanji," former Army General Lionel Drummond decides to move out. He then complains about the spam bots invading his YouTube channel.
Lionel Drummond, G-52s, etc. © me and me alone
Blue ©
BlueMario1016
Jumanji © TriStar Pictures, Interscope Communications, Teitler Film, Sony Pictures Releasing, and everybody else who owns the rights, and based on the book "Jumanji" by Chris Van Allsbur.
Superman March composed by John Williams
Superman © DC Comics and everybody else who owns the rights
Story details:
G-52 organization, Drumbums, Circus of the Superstars, and other such groups © me and me alone.
Some G-52s are joint-owned by me and
Chuong; see my bios gallery for which is which.
UN1024s, AIRAF, GSAF, Royal Pagans, and other such groups © Chuong alone
D-19 ©
16weeks
Blue, Toppet Kingdom, etc. © BlueMario1016
G-52 logo drawn by
zakavatarz; the world of Noah and all associates thereof © him and him alone
Current icon of me drawn by
pimpartist
Any canon characters mentioned © all who own the rights.
All music, movies, or television shows referenced © all who own the rights
Lionel Drummond, G-52s, etc. © me and me alone
Blue ©
BlueMario1016Jumanji © TriStar Pictures, Interscope Communications, Teitler Film, Sony Pictures Releasing, and everybody else who owns the rights, and based on the book "Jumanji" by Chris Van Allsbur.
Superman March composed by John Williams
Superman © DC Comics and everybody else who owns the rights
Story details:
G-52 organization, Drumbums, Circus of the Superstars, and other such groups © me and me alone.
Some G-52s are joint-owned by me and
Chuong; see my bios gallery for which is which.UN1024s, AIRAF, GSAF, Royal Pagans, and other such groups ©
Chuong aloneD-19 ©
16weeksBlue, Toppet Kingdom, etc. ©
BlueMario1016G-52 logo drawn by
zakavatarz; the world of Noah and all associates thereof © him and him aloneCurrent icon of me drawn by
pimpartistAny canon characters mentioned © all who own the rights.
All music, movies, or television shows referenced © all who own the rights
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Gender Any
Size 120 x 80px
File Size 11.9 kB
Chuong: Heavy crackdowns on internet trolls whilst being POTUS? What are you doing Leo? Don't you think this is a bit of an overreach? I'm no lawyer, but shouldn't YouTube be able to stop those trolling comments on the spot? Google has very powerful anti-troll technologies to prevent such comments in the first place where the FCC doesn't need to get involved. You made it for almost an entire year without any controversy! On the other hand, if Luong was the President of Vietnam, he can enforce certain censorship policies due to the design in our government and constitution. But then I'd be concerned if he's going to try to get into my personal electronics to view my personal activities on the internet, even though he clearly stated that he believes in boundaries between the people and the government.
Marshall: Leo? A lot of people engage in trolling. Unless there are evidence of credible threats, you may want to watch your online crackdowns.
Dawn: Leo, remember our talk about earning and maintaining trust from the American people? Remember your duties to protect our constitutional rights?
Zax: The companies are the ones to stop trolling first with every effort they can before they refer to the government. In this case, that would be the FCC. FCC is bound by their guidelines and would focus on matters pertaining to national security first before escalating it to other agencies, like the FBI.
Marshall: Leo? A lot of people engage in trolling. Unless there are evidence of credible threats, you may want to watch your online crackdowns.
Dawn: Leo, remember our talk about earning and maintaining trust from the American people? Remember your duties to protect our constitutional rights?
Zax: The companies are the ones to stop trolling first with every effort they can before they refer to the government. In this case, that would be the FCC. FCC is bound by their guidelines and would focus on matters pertaining to national security first before escalating it to other agencies, like the FBI.
Super C: How come I don't remember you announcing that?
Leo: I don't know why the Marching Wonder said that. What people do on the web is none of my business. I did make a comment about online crackdowns one day, but there was no actual legislation written, and I didn't write any executive orders.
Marching Wonder: Then why did I say that?
Cripto: I think somebody's spreading rumors.
Leo: I don't know why the Marching Wonder said that. What people do on the web is none of my business. I did make a comment about online crackdowns one day, but there was no actual legislation written, and I didn't write any executive orders.
Marching Wonder: Then why did I say that?
Cripto: I think somebody's spreading rumors.
Chuong: Compared to the other past presidents of your country, you only made a small mistake. Just fix it and don't do it again. You still have an incredible track record as being president so far. Even Ronald Reagan would envy you.
Leo: I'm already working on fixing it. All we're saying is that there's a chance somebody else is trying to frame me for something bigger.
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