A look inside - TW: mental health awareness week
(Disclaimer, none of this is medical advice always talk to your doctor or a trained professional, this is just my experience)
I will try to keep this up but there’s some chance of me regretting being this open later and nuking it XD but, I hope this helps even just one person.
Know you are loved even if your brain is lying to you and telling you that you’re not, don’t trust the brain gribblies, they lie, constantly, you’re a beautiful incredible being. Reach out for help if you need it, there are people out there ready to assist you best they can.
This is -long- so you are aware.
I wasn’t sure about posting this but, you know, I’m not looking to be a professional 2D artists any more really, and I want to reach out in human ways to people, part of that I feel is cracking open that professional no-emotion exterior, I do with a few people here and there but for the most part I try to keep my personal life and my art life separate, maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong over the years and where I lost my love of it. It may also help you see why I’m so sporadic on my online existance.
This week was a week to be aware of mental health, bit of a weird premise, I think most people who suffer from poor mental health are very aware, too aware, so aware they probably consider scooping out their brain and refrigerating it for later so they can take a break from it! So I expect this is as much about telling people to seek outside help as well as educating people who don’t have a good grasp on the suffering mental health can impose and I can tell ya, it isn’t just mental, your brain can utterly destroy your body function if it wants to!
For those who are unaware of the fights people go on with in their mind, be kind, while mental health is not an excuse to be unpleasant to someone, please think about what someone may be going through before you lash out at them even in response, walking away from someone being unpleasant to you is absolutely ok to do and possibly the best option.
Mental health is absolutely linked to physical health, mental illness is as important as physical illness and in some cases just as life threatening, do not take mental health any more lightly than physical health. Both can be devastating.
Funnily enough I have had one of my worst mental health weeks (well, a few weeks actually) yet, my awareness right now is sharp as a needle.
I’m pretty much not officially diagnosed with anything despite being to my doctor, I may be diagnosed with anxiety as I as offered medication for that, possibly depression but I doubt my doctor has actually noted anything down despite talking about it a few times but it’s never been brought up since. I won’t say we have the best mental health care here in the UK certainly not under the normal avenues we have access to, often I suggest looking for resources other than your Doctor, but honestly your doctor should be your go to first and should always know what resources there are available even if they themselves can’t provide immediate care. It was mine and while I didn’t get great help, I was pointed to some actual help.
So what’s up with me?
Basically, to dissect my mind, it is a constantly whirling pool of doubt, regret, disatisfaction, panic, feelings of failiure, grief, flash backs, disgust, fear, hatred, heart break, lies to myself, lies about myself, horror at the state of the world, terror over my responsibilities, feelings of cowardice and constantly going over in my head all the things I need(ed) to do in the past, present and future, every day. Social situations are exhausting and I panic if spoken to unexpectedly, meet someone new, have to make a phone call/accept a phone call, falling over myself in conversation or regretting everything I did or said afterward.
I suspect some kind of anxiety, maybe a mix of general and social, and some level of depression and maybe a something else sprinkled on top, plus probably some learning disabilities, definitely dyslexia at the bare minimum, that IS diagnosed, I don’t do werds gud (thank eff for spell checkers).
What does this all result in?
To name a few sufferings:
Often this manifests in poor sleep, either the inability to get to sleep worrying about things I have/haven’t done(I will sometimes check cages of our pets 2 or 3 times because I fear our cats getting in to our smaller animals) broken sleep, or waking up early panicking about what I have/have not done, so exhaustion every day.
Physical exhaustion, still haven’t identified if this is relate to my mental or physical health but I have suspicions it’s mental health as if I’m happy, I have some energy, if I’m not, I can’t seem to function.
Executive dysfunction or a kind of mental paralysis, I have so much to do, too much to do, so I do nothing, and then of course hate myself all day and feel like a worthless hunk of meat but stilll doing nothing, except maybe screaming internally.
Physical pain, usually in the form of a neck crick, if I am super stressed for some reason my unconscious mind makes me force my head down into my pillow, that doesn’t go well in the morning I can tell you. Also back ache, shoulder aches, jaw and teeth pain from clenching my jaw which may possibly lead to migraines.
All these issues often turn into a big old self sustaining circle of doom, the less I get done, the more inexplicably unhappy I am, the physically worse I feel, the worse my brain box gets, so the worse physical symptoms become.
Avoidance of social situations, failing at interviews, putting off doctors appointments, friends thinking I’m avoiding them, strains on various relationships, lashing out verbally at people I don’t mean to.
So what do about it?
This is just what -I- did about it, your doctor will likely have suggestions for you and the internet may also help you find local resources.
I took myself off to my doctor where they offered me medication or to go to talk with Let’s talk, a mental health help program in my area, I got into group cognitive behavioural therapy "worry management" and that helped somewhat, the trouble here is you need to help yourself as well as seeking out help, and this is where I often fall down. I struggle to remain motivated with out someone pushing me, be it pressure from knowing I need to do a thing immediately or someone telling me to do a thing, if it’s self help, it falls by the way side as that’s on me. Basically you have to want to get better and fight for it, because you’re fighting your own mind and there isn’t a lot external help can do if you aren’t putting up that fight, reaching out is the first step, grabbing the hand that is offered in return is the next and we CAN DO IT, even though it can feel impossible.
I elected to not go down the medication route as I felt that would not be a good route for me presently, that closed a lot of doors to me in our medical system as they want you medicated before they dish out more expensive help to you, pills are cheap, I may yet go try this route as things worsen, but medication to me is a balance of risks, as I am not a risk to myself, I feel I can try to work through this with out intially as I always feel like I get every side effect under the sun when taking medication, however, many mental health issues can be caused by imbalances in the body and brain that need to be corrected by medication and that may be the case for mine and I may go try to get that sorted, so always talk with your doctor about what is best for you, do your own research too but remember your doctor has knowledge here you may not.
In conclusion: Talk to your doctor, see what mental health resources are in your area, google is a wonderful tool for getting some questions to take with you to your doctor, most importantly, don’t isolate yourself, I know we have been in the most socially isolating times in recent history, possibly all history in terms of in person contact, but the internet and phone lines are there for you, human beings are on the other end waiting for your call or message. You are not alone, you are loved, hold onto this world, chances are we only get one go at it so make it the best damn go you can.
I will try to keep this up but there’s some chance of me regretting being this open later and nuking it XD but, I hope this helps even just one person.
Know you are loved even if your brain is lying to you and telling you that you’re not, don’t trust the brain gribblies, they lie, constantly, you’re a beautiful incredible being. Reach out for help if you need it, there are people out there ready to assist you best they can.
This is -long- so you are aware.
I wasn’t sure about posting this but, you know, I’m not looking to be a professional 2D artists any more really, and I want to reach out in human ways to people, part of that I feel is cracking open that professional no-emotion exterior, I do with a few people here and there but for the most part I try to keep my personal life and my art life separate, maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong over the years and where I lost my love of it. It may also help you see why I’m so sporadic on my online existance.
This week was a week to be aware of mental health, bit of a weird premise, I think most people who suffer from poor mental health are very aware, too aware, so aware they probably consider scooping out their brain and refrigerating it for later so they can take a break from it! So I expect this is as much about telling people to seek outside help as well as educating people who don’t have a good grasp on the suffering mental health can impose and I can tell ya, it isn’t just mental, your brain can utterly destroy your body function if it wants to!
For those who are unaware of the fights people go on with in their mind, be kind, while mental health is not an excuse to be unpleasant to someone, please think about what someone may be going through before you lash out at them even in response, walking away from someone being unpleasant to you is absolutely ok to do and possibly the best option.
Mental health is absolutely linked to physical health, mental illness is as important as physical illness and in some cases just as life threatening, do not take mental health any more lightly than physical health. Both can be devastating.
Funnily enough I have had one of my worst mental health weeks (well, a few weeks actually) yet, my awareness right now is sharp as a needle.
I’m pretty much not officially diagnosed with anything despite being to my doctor, I may be diagnosed with anxiety as I as offered medication for that, possibly depression but I doubt my doctor has actually noted anything down despite talking about it a few times but it’s never been brought up since. I won’t say we have the best mental health care here in the UK certainly not under the normal avenues we have access to, often I suggest looking for resources other than your Doctor, but honestly your doctor should be your go to first and should always know what resources there are available even if they themselves can’t provide immediate care. It was mine and while I didn’t get great help, I was pointed to some actual help.
So what’s up with me?
Basically, to dissect my mind, it is a constantly whirling pool of doubt, regret, disatisfaction, panic, feelings of failiure, grief, flash backs, disgust, fear, hatred, heart break, lies to myself, lies about myself, horror at the state of the world, terror over my responsibilities, feelings of cowardice and constantly going over in my head all the things I need(ed) to do in the past, present and future, every day. Social situations are exhausting and I panic if spoken to unexpectedly, meet someone new, have to make a phone call/accept a phone call, falling over myself in conversation or regretting everything I did or said afterward.
I suspect some kind of anxiety, maybe a mix of general and social, and some level of depression and maybe a something else sprinkled on top, plus probably some learning disabilities, definitely dyslexia at the bare minimum, that IS diagnosed, I don’t do werds gud (thank eff for spell checkers).
What does this all result in?
To name a few sufferings:
Often this manifests in poor sleep, either the inability to get to sleep worrying about things I have/haven’t done(I will sometimes check cages of our pets 2 or 3 times because I fear our cats getting in to our smaller animals) broken sleep, or waking up early panicking about what I have/have not done, so exhaustion every day.
Physical exhaustion, still haven’t identified if this is relate to my mental or physical health but I have suspicions it’s mental health as if I’m happy, I have some energy, if I’m not, I can’t seem to function.
Executive dysfunction or a kind of mental paralysis, I have so much to do, too much to do, so I do nothing, and then of course hate myself all day and feel like a worthless hunk of meat but stilll doing nothing, except maybe screaming internally.
Physical pain, usually in the form of a neck crick, if I am super stressed for some reason my unconscious mind makes me force my head down into my pillow, that doesn’t go well in the morning I can tell you. Also back ache, shoulder aches, jaw and teeth pain from clenching my jaw which may possibly lead to migraines.
All these issues often turn into a big old self sustaining circle of doom, the less I get done, the more inexplicably unhappy I am, the physically worse I feel, the worse my brain box gets, so the worse physical symptoms become.
Avoidance of social situations, failing at interviews, putting off doctors appointments, friends thinking I’m avoiding them, strains on various relationships, lashing out verbally at people I don’t mean to.
So what do about it?
This is just what -I- did about it, your doctor will likely have suggestions for you and the internet may also help you find local resources.
I took myself off to my doctor where they offered me medication or to go to talk with Let’s talk, a mental health help program in my area, I got into group cognitive behavioural therapy "worry management" and that helped somewhat, the trouble here is you need to help yourself as well as seeking out help, and this is where I often fall down. I struggle to remain motivated with out someone pushing me, be it pressure from knowing I need to do a thing immediately or someone telling me to do a thing, if it’s self help, it falls by the way side as that’s on me. Basically you have to want to get better and fight for it, because you’re fighting your own mind and there isn’t a lot external help can do if you aren’t putting up that fight, reaching out is the first step, grabbing the hand that is offered in return is the next and we CAN DO IT, even though it can feel impossible.
I elected to not go down the medication route as I felt that would not be a good route for me presently, that closed a lot of doors to me in our medical system as they want you medicated before they dish out more expensive help to you, pills are cheap, I may yet go try this route as things worsen, but medication to me is a balance of risks, as I am not a risk to myself, I feel I can try to work through this with out intially as I always feel like I get every side effect under the sun when taking medication, however, many mental health issues can be caused by imbalances in the body and brain that need to be corrected by medication and that may be the case for mine and I may go try to get that sorted, so always talk with your doctor about what is best for you, do your own research too but remember your doctor has knowledge here you may not.
In conclusion: Talk to your doctor, see what mental health resources are in your area, google is a wonderful tool for getting some questions to take with you to your doctor, most importantly, don’t isolate yourself, I know we have been in the most socially isolating times in recent history, possibly all history in terms of in person contact, but the internet and phone lines are there for you, human beings are on the other end waiting for your call or message. You are not alone, you are loved, hold onto this world, chances are we only get one go at it so make it the best damn go you can.
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Alien (Other)
Gender Any
Size 716 x 1250px
File Size 751.2 kB
What the frick? Are you me?
Other people have these problems? >w<
The bit on executive dysfunction sounds exactly like me.. I've been struggling for years to overcome that. Will certainly plug that into google!
Finding help when I need it is another big one I recognize- maybe the problems are hand in hand?
As time goes by I notice myself building a psychological toolkits to handle these problems or to just alert me that I'm having them. I'm getting better, it's just taken work and time..
Other people have these problems? >w<
The bit on executive dysfunction sounds exactly like me.. I've been struggling for years to overcome that. Will certainly plug that into google!
Finding help when I need it is another big one I recognize- maybe the problems are hand in hand?
As time goes by I notice myself building a psychological toolkits to handle these problems or to just alert me that I'm having them. I'm getting better, it's just taken work and time..
I think these problems are really commonplace sadly! But we can work through them, as you say, it takes time and effort but we can improve our state of being, it just needs some maintenance as well as time goes on or we fall back into the pits we get stuck in from time to time.
I think posting this helped me a little, airing my brain perhaps lets it rest! I got off my behind and actually did some things and I feel so much lighter today.
I'm glad you found some use from this too! Finding the right terminology can be really useful for describing the problem to people who can assist :3
I think posting this helped me a little, airing my brain perhaps lets it rest! I got off my behind and actually did some things and I feel so much lighter today.
I'm glad you found some use from this too! Finding the right terminology can be really useful for describing the problem to people who can assist :3
Comments