You ever hear of intrusive thought? Its that thing where you think of some random shit out of nowhere. There is literally no rhyme or reason to it, it just pops into your head. Kind of a relief huh? It means you’re not crazy for thinking about shooting or stabbing someone. You know you would never do something like that, or enjoy it if you did, but it scares you regardless. Well… Imagine that happening all the time. Every minute of every hour, of every day. The difference is that you could easily act upon whatever your mind comes up with and nobody could stop you.

Your thoughts don’t disgust you either, rather you feel like you would get some kind of euphoric rush from doing it. You block it out, put it outside your mind, but then you start hearing whispers. At first its simply feathers in your ears, a small tickle that you can ignore. Soon though, it becomes a barrage of needles that dig into your brain. A…prickly feeling that you can’t fight against, and struggle to resist as the whispers only grow louder. Its only there if you focus on it, so you can ignore it by staying busy and staying around other people. Simply distract yourself from your own mind.
Of course sleep won’t come easy, meaning your resolve and strength will wane as fatigue begins stalking you. Now the whispers become shouts, constantly harassing you, the needles jamming further into your brain making you irritable and willing to do anything to make it stop.

Your thoughts turn inward, seeking some kind of refuge or sanctuary from these now corruptive voices, but you won’t find it no matter how hard you search. Instead you find blood, slather, a desire to hurt. Little by little you’ll lose yourself to the demon that you struggle with. You can’t drive it off, only resist, and even that won’t last forever.


Your resistance, in the end, will get you nothing. You’ll grow weaker and weaker and become more accepting of those dark thoughts that now cloud your mind, making even simple decisions difficult. There is no cure for this growing madness, only a suppressive action, either from your own will or acting upon the voices. You must kill. The longer you resist, the more blood you’ll spill. The weaker you are, the longer you lose yourself to the darkness of your own insanity. The ignorant would see this as a gift, I mean after all, you DO become immune to the feeling of death and to fear itself. You become a warrior who kills and feels nothing afterwards. One would say that you could basically become a Demigod. Yet I ask those who read this, what do you really gain from this power?


You feel no remorse, no emotion. You spill blood in VAST quantities to regain your sanity, and though you get it back for what feels like a fleeting second…you’ll only hold onto it until the voices return.
You’ll alienate yourself, out of a desire for solitude, and a desire to protect those you care about.


I have lived with this “gift” everyday of my life since I was “chosen”. I was given a power that I never wanted, turned into this “Avatar” that I had no choice in accepting. My life is no longer my own, I no longer have a choice in anything. I am a slave with an invisible master…a Master that grants me strength and abilities beyond any mortal mind. I walk among mortal men and woman who look at me in fear, or jealously at this “gift” I now wield.
And this is one gift, I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Testament of Captain Gabriel Ames
Squad Silva 9
Vessel of the Great Wolf Spirit Volkein

What more can I say? Volkein made everything. He repaired the damage caused by his children, and he's a giant spirit wolf that shares my body and can sometimes screw with my head.

See: The Children's Judgement and the Reforming