~Srg_Delta

So I may sound like a whiney baby in this journal
And I may be shouting into the void (hence why this rant isnt on FB or Twitter)
But right now that's what I need to do

Since my last post both alot and very little has happened.
Due to living in the country with very few people to hang out with I have resorted to lying in bed all day on my phone talking to pexpletives I've never met in person.

This story has 2 legs
The first is the Irish Furs Group (hey guys if any of ye see this)
So in short I am relievedelighted ive met so many nice and interesting people in this group in such a short time.
Tomorrow I will not only be going to a meet in Dublin but I will also be relying on public transport not to screw me over and my crippling social anxiety acting up and turning the meet into a living nightmare.

I honestly don't know how tomorrow is going to go and it's driving my angst through the wall! What is important to me is that tomorrow goes well for me, though I'm scared of what will happen. I'm scared people will form clicks and I'll be tailing one group so thathat I'm not alone for the day (it's a festival so we'll be spread out)

This is something that is rearly niggling me :/

The second part is more sinister, I shan't go into details but I feel like I may be being exploited
One of my (kinky) friends introduced me to a man in the states he is friends with and since first talking hes developed an attraction to mensure and my good looks. I feel that while his feeling may be genuine (though you can never be sure on the internet) that he is overstepping boundaries, and due to my personal belief to never hurt anyone (dumb belief but it's tattooed into my skull and I cant get it out) I haven't told him enoughs enough and went along with these conversations judged excesptible not by my brain but by my dick.

I honestly don't know how to let him down gently, and what's worse in that the angst and fear caused by this interaction is making me question everyone's motives, everyone judged guilty till proven innocent, and yes, it is driving me cookoo

If you've reached this far in my journal then congratulations, youre either a drama scout, a decent person, or you just skipped the cry baby crap above, of which the last two I am greatful for...

If you need me I'm on Telegram: Aubydook