~Simplefied

As some of you might know, I 'recently' moved back to my home country of Denmark after having lived in Spain for a year and eight months.
At the time it felt like the correct decision, I still know that it is the correct decision that I made, as I was so far away from everything, friends, family, meetups, and the fact that I didn't really want to learn Spanish.
However! Now that I am back, I've been starting to fall more and more back to how sad I felt before leaving for Spain, I think I know the reason(s) for it though, unfortunately it's not something I can just straight up fix. When I was in Spain I had a job that I really, really, liked, and that I was sort of sad to give up for a lot of different reasons. The biggest reason was probably because of having to leave a really great colleague of mine that I had a lot of shifts and fun with, who I trained from the bottom up to become a great asset to the company. Besides that I had quite a lot of responsibility, a lot of people asked me for help, the customers VIP's asked specifically for me when something urgent needed doing, all in all I miss the job a lot.
None the less I have moved back to Denmark, and I have been unable to find a job here, so in January I am actually going to start on the education for the IT-Support that I was doing in Spain, since I really liked the job down there, I'm figuring that is what I want to do with my life, which is all in all very nice.

Furthermore there is some other things that I would like to get off my chest, mostly to those people that I talk to more frequently than others.
I have some social problems, and currently they are even bigger than they've been in a long while, I really want to talk to my friends, but I can only seem to handle the text chatting, as just the thought of actually speaking with someone makes me sort of sad, and not know what to do with myself.
I mostly listen to music all the time, also while I'm talking to people, the only time I don't really listen to music is when I'm going to sleep or visiting my family, or physically have the company of someone, as I need to be present, and my brain goes to better places. When I'm at my computer with my thoughts, my own head becomes a scary place that I don't want to be, which is why I listen to that music.
To continue in the same kind of way, I would like to make new friendships, but for me that's really, really hard, because I simply straight up think that everyone dislike or hates me to some extend, not sure why I think like that, but I can only guess. When I was younger the other kids were not very nice to me, through 3 years it was horrible, then I moved school and it was less horrible. However at that point my mother got herself a new husband, who, to say the least, but me through so much mental torment, he was always being really mean to me, and whenever I did something back to him, my mom would always yell at me for doing. An example I can remember is him shooting me with rubber bands, then I went and shot one back at him, and I got yelled at for doing it. He always made fun for me, he made fun of me in front of my friends, and my mother never did anything about it.


To add more bad things to that day, I got told that I should be leaving my current apartment at latest the 31st of October, and at the current time I don't really have any income, so I will end up staying in my mothers trailer, one of the kind you use for camping, and well I'm not too happy about that, but I can understand where my roommate is coming from with his request.

Don't really know what I'm hoping to gain from this, if anything, probably just wanting to get it off my chest.

Now that all that is out of the way, I hope you are having a nice day.