~Setzan

So here's the thing... My last journal was written at the peak of my depression. I suppose it is unclear to some of the full story. First off, in direction to Silikiyu's comment, my mother is not fat or lazy. She works hard to provide for our family with the job she has had for several years now. She uses a good portion of what she earns trying to pay for my shortcomings. And has for far too long. I am ashamed of it, honestly... I wish she didn't have to pay for all she does, but she DOES support me, both financially, as well as in keeping a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. Sure, privacy has all but disappeared, but she's been finding it harder and harder to trust me after lies to her about my job situation. Not just this one, but for a few in the past. And yes... I have had many jobs... all while trying to pay back what I rightfully owe. It's a dismal outlook, having to pay back $14,000 in debt, but it's something I have to do. I can't cut and run from something like this. You all should know that of me by now, but I want to make it clear. She is due what she is owed, and I am due to pay it. It has been several years now this has been escalating... basically since my ex left. Hell, before that even. For any number of things... support for my little one... simple gas in my car... for the past two cars I have had, unfortunate as that is, for the lawyer... for trips to pick up said little one after we won our custody battle. It's been a hard road for everyone, ans while the supportive words were appreciated, I realize in retrospect that the jeering was not. To shoe I have given the wrong impression to, i would like to say... you need to leave it be. I hate it... surely you all hate it, but... all I can do is continue to work toward getting a new job and trying, once more, to sort this all out. For good, if I am lucky. I would appreciate apologies for anything said without the full story... fact is... my mother DOES take care of my various needs. I really hate it... being 25 and having to say that... but it's true. Kind words are always welcome to those of you who know me well, but barbs at my family are... un-warranted. *Sighs* that said though... to prevent myself from lashing out like this again... from saying things that could hurt people if seen, I think I am done with FA. I hate to say it, as it has been a strong outlet for me, but... I cannot stay. And I am sorry it has to be this way. You've all been great... and I cherish friendships made along the way. If you guys want to get in touch with me, by all means go ahead, I still plan to use Skype for those that know me, and for those that do not, please feel free to add me there. My username on there is cyanknight7. If you could include in your message who you are so I know, that would be greatly appreciated. Other than that though? It's been great guys... it really has... and perhaps at some point, I shall return to FA... but now is not the time. Farewell.