~Pandottermon

The good:

I got engaged to my long term BF SciHoss! Fancy dinner night he proposed in the most adorable way! Since my surgery I eat VERY small meals so he helps me with my dinner, we decided to split something and when we were done ordering he said "Since we are already sharing dinner, would you like to share the rest of your life with me?"

I, OF COURSE, said yes. ❤️

We also went on date to the Chicago Museum of art and had a wonderful time!


I got to spend time with some of the best people! Tigereye, Dynamo, Decreature, Teakwood, Verdy,
Blake, Katie, Leng, all those scratches from Sodalite, and I was invited to a Tokens room party! All good things and good times!

I received many, MANY compliments on my hair, which is always an ego booster!


I got a super cute MTG character card of myself made by the very sweet Talon!

The bad: I missed many friends who I usually see there. Some couldn't make it, others were just busy. As I require help in these large social settings, these folks were missed deeply. I need a core group of people to help keep my mood afloat, as cons trigger all of my most powerful and oldest of insecurities. As some of them were missing, I fear I fell into a rather intense depression, one I did not dig out of without some help.


The ugly: The ugly here is the truth that cons just aren't for me. I don't have the IDGAF confidence to stride through the crowds without feeling alone. I don't have the self assurance to NOT compare myself to other artists (particularly when an entire table of people are gushing over another artist whilst you sit quietly, wondering WTF you are even doing there, let alone for the community at large). I lack the fortitude to break into the popular kids ring, particularly when I know none of them, and make friends. I don't have the guts to 'put myself out there' more than once. If I make an effort and that effort is ignored, given wishy washy 'maybe' replies, I DO NOT make another attempt. I fear the 'they hate me' sets in and I shut myself off to prevent further hurt. I will be petty, evasive, vague. I hate this about myself and do what I can to overcome these.

I have these things, confidence, fortitude, self assurance, in my adult life and exercise them when I need to almost daily!

But for some reason I lack them when I am AT the convention. Without further investigation and work, I'm not sure attending conventions would be smart for my mental health in the future. The ugly truth is I'm not perfect, I still have work to do. But I am grateful for those who have helped, who were there this past weekend, and those who continue to be there!

And I look forward to getting married to a man who has always done his best to make me feel loved. All in all, I am one extremely lucky otter! 🦦 ❤️ 🐴