~mauabata

BETTER FORMATTED VERSION HERE:
http://mypa.ws/i/latex101.html
http://mypa.ws/i/latex101.html
http://mypa.ws/i/latex101.html

So you just bought latex?
Sweeeeet, welcome to the club.

Please don't ruin your suit because you're too excited to get those Twitter selfies out. Here's an expanding guide to How To Not Have Sadness to ensure the likes and retweets flow for at least a few months (until the next fad takes over).

Step -1: SUPPLIES
The following (somewhat snarky) guide assumes you bought a suit and forgot to buy supplies, so let's back up and make sure you start right. I HAVE OPINIONS:

- Pjur Cult: Nice, comes in a spray and a drip. Drip for dress, spray for shine. If you only get one, get the drip. It's thicc, and good shyt. 1 bottle = 3 to 5 catsuit applications.

- Vivi-whatever: Also good, and a Brand Name™ that people get hot over. Vividress is like Pjur Cult dressing aid, and Vivishine IN THE SPRAY is a good shine, but optional. There is also the Vivishine you add to water, but that's complicated, so I won't cover that. Get the Vividress.

- Other Stuff: If you buy $5 lube at the porn store, I'm not gonna help you. Sorry.

Also buy some cheap dish soap. You want something mild, and unscented. If it doesn't get very sudsy when you're washing your dishes and you think "why the heck did I get this it's useless" you got the good stuff. You want an emulsifier, not a hand lotion. IF YOU GET THAT DAWN EXTRA GENTLE GOOD ON HANDS WITH LOTION SHIT I'M NOT HELPING YOU. GO HOME. I mean seriously, don't even use it on dishes, it'll leave spots. Get Dawn Original for dishes, and use hot water. My crystal wine glasses have never been prettier.

Step 0: Ordering
So Latex Catfish (and every other vendor usually) offers a couple finish options, including Powder or Pre-lubed. If you really want Insta-selfie, get the latter, but if you saved the extra $30 and bought a bottle of lube, you're going to get a dry, dull, powdered suit. Cool. It's a preference, so we'll assume you bought dry. I do. Just hope you go the right size.

Step 1: Unboxing / Cleaning
Latex, when the surface isn't covered in Something Else, is sticky to itself. If you store it raw, eventually you won't be able to peel it apart. That's why it was shipped in a bunch of probably stinky powder. Don't fucking use cornstarch, unless you wanna swim in mold next time.

Okay but powder sucks (Opinion) and manufacturers might leave chemical crap or hamster fur all over your rubber, so you should clean it.

1. Get a bucket, or a bathtub. Fill it with lukewarm water, and add a bit of that soap you forgot to read about in Step -1. To recap: Cheap, gentle dish soap.

2. Dip and dunk and swirl your latex in the water. Gently. Rub the surface some to make sure all the powder and sweat and stuff comes off. It helps if you turn the latex inside out a couple times here but hey, whatever. If you use a scrub brush or a brillo pad I'm not helping you. Go home.

3. Dump the soapwater, and either refill with clean water to rinse, or just rinse under the shower (bonus points: You can also take a shower, this will come in handy later). Get all the soapwater off.

4. Hang to dry: Remember what I said about new latex sticks to itself? Hang your rubber to dry, and try and periodically separate itself. A little touching is okay, you're not storing it. When the outside is dry, turn it inside out and let the inside dry.

5. Re-lube. Okay so it's clean and shiny and there is no more hamster fur and semen on the suit. If you bought Vivishine or Pjur in a spray bottle, this step is easy: Spritz the inside of the suit until you have a nice, kinda shiny coat. If you got the drippers, just give it a rub down. Soon people will pay to do this for you, I'm sure. Flip the suit right-side-out, and do the same to the surface. Wow. Shiny.

- If you plan to wear it right away, be sure to spread the suit out over your bed and take a picture. Send this picture to every telegram group your in, and tweet it. Also post it to your furry facebook. Include the caption "hmmmm should I?" or some equal rhetorical question where the answer is obviously yes.

- If you're storing it away, fold nicely post-lube, and put it in a zip lock bag. Make sure it's 100% dry, or you'll get some fuzzy friends.

Step 2: Put that shit on.
Do you know what latex sounds like when it rips? It sounds like $200 catching fire and screaming down the halls of the hotel because you didn't take your time to get dressed. It sounds like puppies slowly dying and seagulls stealing your lunch.

Most of the time when I see people blame the manufacturer for the hole in their armpit / buttcrack / thigh, it was because they didn't order the right size, or they didn't fully put on the suit or use enough lube, so you got a pressure point that burst. In fairness, some manufacturers could do with a bit of reinforcement, it's not always your fault. You're fine, honey. You do you.

OKAY SO FIRST THING: Either file down your claws or be super fuckin careful. People tend to dig their fingers into the rubber and yank it on and if you do that I'm not helping you. Go home. Here's your order of operations (Please Explode My Doomed Armpit Seam)

0. If you don't want discomfort, you should probably shower. If you have sensitive skin, any dirt or sweat or crap you had on your body will turn into a very not fun soup. This step is optional, I know showering is hard.

1. Apply lube down the sleeves / legs / back (or front) of your suit. Basically, any spot that might stretch. Pay attention to upper arms and thighs, butt, and shoulders. Easiest way is to give a good squirt in each end of the sleeve, then rub the latex on itself. You'll feel it start to slide as you work the lube around. That's good. Thanks.

2. APPLY LUBE to your legs / arms / body. A gentle sheen, like tanning oil, but if you use tanning oil (or baby oil), go home. Remember my rambling on lube? USE THAT THANK YOU. Maybe some day someone will pay you to lube your body.

3. OKAY SO PAY ATTENTION ALRIGHT? Legs first. Have a seat, put the suit on a towel beneath you, bunch up a leg and gently work your foot down. Getting the ankle in is tricky, you want the ankle cuff to pop over your (probably very lubed at this point) foot. You should now have a bunch of latex puddled around your calf. When handling the rubber, do NOT use your fingertips. Use the PADS of your fingers and pull along the length of your limbs. Do not stretch the rubber too far, and don't concentrate your pulling on one area. Work it up your leg and keep working around. You should be able to "unfurl" the bunch and it'll smooth out in your wake. Go to the knee and start again on the other side.

4. Pull the bunch above the knee, and up to the crotch. Stand up, and plant your buttocks where it belongs. Get the suit settled on your hips, but don't zip all the way, just past the butt cheeks or belly button. Dick-weilding Humanoids: TUCK YOUR FUCKIN JUNK NOW. Or wear a dance belt if you're going in public, whatev.

- At this point use the palms of your hand to rub the rubber upward and twist, if necessary, to align seams and make sure it's sitting right.

5. Do the same thing to an arm that you did with your leg. Bunch it up, pop your wrist through, and pull it gently up your arm. Use your palms to smooth it up the rest of the way, and make sure it's all the way up to your shoulder. Now, contort yourself like you're posessed by a demon, and get your other arm in the sleeve. You can stretch, slowly, and the sleeve should pull on. Figure it out, it's not hard, but don't force it, and don't be afraid to lube.

6. Roll your shoulders, do some stretches, make sure you can reach up, bend down, and twist. NOW ZIP. Don't dig your claws in when you're pulling the zipper together, just kinda pinch and go one bit at a time. If you got a back zip and can't flex to your shoulders, tie some string and use that to pull the zipper pull up. Do not force anything.

7. Final adjustments. Do the palm thing. Now go shine yourself. You earned it. Vivishine spray is great, so is the Pjur spray. Spray it on and optionally rub it around with either your hands (broke) or a lint-free microfiber (woke). The shine sometimes comes out more after the silicone spray has a chance to spread out a bit, kinda like that fancy stuff Californians put on their car tires for some reason.

Step 3,526: Your follower count.
Take pictures, whatever. Have fun. Stay hydrated. Make sure you aren't losing circulation. Latex isn't as bad as people make it out to be! But hey, everyone likes exaggerating extremes. When I tell people it's just like being "wet and naked" when I go out to the bar, you might understand why.

So go put your fursuit head on and take a pic or 90 of you lying on the bed or whatever.

Step 5: Undress.
Easy mode: Get in the shower, wet the outside of the latex, and it will turn inside out and slide against itself when water lube happens, because Science (ever play Trombone and use that new slide grease that just requires water every once in a while? No? Well shit I thought you were Riker. Go home.)

TAKE. YOUR. FUCKING. TIME. When you're doing your legs and arms, place one thumb inside the suit and use it to guide the sleeve/leg off your body, bunching it up in your hand. When you get to the end, pop it over the ankle, wrist.

Now go back to cleaning and repeat that, because you know what? Body oils will (over the course of like, months of touching), degrade latex. Honestly that's not the biggest concern of yours, if you take good care to rinse your suits after use and gently suds off the inside with That Dish Soap.


Cheers.