~KaiTokuro

So, as most of my species, I find my mind trying to wander. Wander to the past, wander around memories... and then start to wonder. I have a very wonderful life right now, a beautiful wife who I get closer to everyday (still after almost 6 years... jesus I cant believe its been that long), beautiful little girl, and an opportunity to work hard and support my family. But still, there is that little nagging to check on the past, and mainly my last relationship before this one. Is it because I still care and want to make sure she is ok? Is it because Im still bitter and want to see how much worse she is without me? Or just a morbid curiousity?

Instead of just letting the feelings pass, I succumb to the temptation and look. But do I feel any better? Any more satisfied at seeing she is just a person living her life? Actually, its a two edged sword. A bit of anger at seeing her more clearly, how could I have loved someone that arrogant, that obssessed with an altered reality... and then the pang of hurt comes. The one that reminds me that I did love her, deeply. And I still do i suppose. Shit, If I can remember the colors from our wedding, I think she still may be in there. And maybe i just need closure. Either way, Im going to stop rambling and do something I needed to do a long time ago. Time to be a man. Have a good night FA.