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Comments Made: 1075
Journals: 31
Featured Journal
I'm Unhappy With What I Draw
4 months ago
Hello sinners~
There's been something I've been meaning to say and I'm finally taking the time to do it. The following journal was uploaded to my Discord server. I am simply copy and pasting what was already said. Additionally, in this journal entry I make a reference to a previous journal that was uploaded in May. That particular journal entry was never uploaded elsewhere besides my Discord server. You do not need to read that journal for context. Thank you and have a great weekend!
This year has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. Going through a breakup, relationship issues, having to move, depression, lack of unemployment, just to name a few. Despite all the negatives, I’ve been making strides in discovering myself, trying to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do about certain aspects of my life. One of these aspects I’ve been thinking about was my artwork. More specifically, what I draw.
I uploaded a journal entry in late May of this year that went into depth about what I was experiencing at the time and what some of my new goals were. There was one subject that I briefly mentioned without going into too much detail and I would like to take the time to explain what I meant by it. In that journal, I mentioned that I was beginning to get bored with creating pornographic artwork. A few nights ago I did some reflecting on the matter and I’ve come to realize that being bored wasn’t the right word to use. The truth is that it makes me unhappy. Drawing pornographic artwork isn’t giving me the same satisfaction as it did before.
The reason why I’m even still drawing it at this moment of time is because of money. In case you don’t know, I’m a full-time student and the only days where I could reasonably work are the weekends. Who would ever be interested in hiring someone who can only work two days, maybe three? Believe me, I tried applying to many different places and nobody, besides one employer that turned out to be a fluke and a huge waste of time, called me back. I was getting frustrated with job hunting and decided to just dedicate the free-time I had to doing art commissions, something I’m decent at.
I am well aware that commissions are not a reliable source of income, but what else am I supposed to do? I figured I’d cut my losses and just take any commission work that I could. Even if it’s unreliable, at the very least I would have some money. Boy was that a mistake! This was the first time I was accepting orders again since February this year. July was a great month! I received eight orders and I was able to meet my monthly financial goal thanks to the wonderful people who decided to commission me.
Yes, I pulled through and managed to make enough money to cover my expenses, but at the cost of my mental health, which is BAD! Truthfully, I’m not cut-out for the art grind. This is something I learned last year, where after four months of non-stop commission action, I (along with depression) burned myself out. Despite knowing that doing these things is not good for me, I did it anyway. I am making the same mistake again and I’m just not going to do it anymore.
I don’t want to spend all my free-time doing commissions. I want to draw what I want, and I’m tired of drawing pornographic artwork all the time. It was fun at first, but I’ve changed. I don’t find enjoyment in drawing this stuff like I did a year ago, or even 4 years ago. I do occasionally enjoy it, but what I’m trying to say is that I want to try something new. Instead of drawing characters getting every single one of their orifices stuffed full of chorizo, I want to draw characters interacting with their environment, doing a cool pose, or maybe even something spicy (like a fox in lingerie). Sometimes I don’t even want to draw a character and instead would rather draw a landscape, try new art techniques, and perform studies to gain more knowledge.
To further drive the point home, some of my favorite drawings that I’ve made this past year are drawings that don’t involve someone getting railed or having their face full of bro-gurt. I know what I want, but there’s a few concerns I have. The first concern is money. Not doing commissions means I have no way of earning money, which means I have to look for work elsewhere, if any. The second concern is my audience, the fans. We both know you follow me because you too enjoy seeing naked furry women. Once I change directions and start drawing things that aren’t that, some of you will leave, and maybe some will stay.
I’ve spent so much time and effort earning what I have now, which is all of you. For years I have dedicated myself to this. I’ve had ups and downs, and over time people found me and stuck by my side. I’m scared of this change. There’s something about letting go of something you’ve spent so much time building that makes me anxious. It almost feels as if all of this, the journey I had, was a waste of time…at least that’s what I used to think.
The ups and downs that I’ve experienced throughout my art career, and even my life, are what made me who I am today, and who I am today is not who I was yesterday. There’s nothing wrong with letting something go if it’s for the betterment of your own well-being. Change is uncomfortable, but without change, nothing changes.
So what does this all mean? What am I going to do now and what can you expect from me in the future? No, I’m not going to quit being an artist. I love drawing and I can’t ever see myself letting go of that, especially with how far I’ve come in bettering my skills. Will I be attempting to draw less furries in order to discover new avenues? Yes, yes I will. I love drawing furries and this community has given me so much that, again, I could never see myself NOT being a furry artist. I just want to try new things, that’s all. What you can expect is for me to draw less pornographic artwork. At most, I’ll draw something tasteful, or maybe sometimes I’ll draw someone naked, presenting themselves. Like I mentioned before, there are times where I enjoy that kind of work and there are times where I don’t. Whether or not I’ll draw something pornographic again will just depend on my mood at any given moment.
In regards to my frequency of uploads, nothing really changed. I’m still going to school and I still have less time to draw, not to mention that sometimes depression keeps me from drawing even if I wanted to. I still don’t know for sure if I want to quit commissions all together, or to occasionally accept a few here and there whenever I feel like it. If that last part is the case, I will definitely be making changes for what people can order. I’m still unsure of how else I’m going to make money, but I have a few ideas. If all else fails, I’ll just come back and do my best to grind out commissions. At the very least, I wouldn't have to subject myself to that grind forever.
If you’ve made it to the end of this journal, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to do so. I know some of you will be disappointed with this news, but I’m only doing what’s best for me and I hope you can understand. Thank you for sticking by my side for as long as you have.
There's been something I've been meaning to say and I'm finally taking the time to do it. The following journal was uploaded to my Discord server. I am simply copy and pasting what was already said. Additionally, in this journal entry I make a reference to a previous journal that was uploaded in May. That particular journal entry was never uploaded elsewhere besides my Discord server. You do not need to read that journal for context. Thank you and have a great weekend!
This year has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. Going through a breakup, relationship issues, having to move, depression, lack of unemployment, just to name a few. Despite all the negatives, I’ve been making strides in discovering myself, trying to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do about certain aspects of my life. One of these aspects I’ve been thinking about was my artwork. More specifically, what I draw.
I uploaded a journal entry in late May of this year that went into depth about what I was experiencing at the time and what some of my new goals were. There was one subject that I briefly mentioned without going into too much detail and I would like to take the time to explain what I meant by it. In that journal, I mentioned that I was beginning to get bored with creating pornographic artwork. A few nights ago I did some reflecting on the matter and I’ve come to realize that being bored wasn’t the right word to use. The truth is that it makes me unhappy. Drawing pornographic artwork isn’t giving me the same satisfaction as it did before.
The reason why I’m even still drawing it at this moment of time is because of money. In case you don’t know, I’m a full-time student and the only days where I could reasonably work are the weekends. Who would ever be interested in hiring someone who can only work two days, maybe three? Believe me, I tried applying to many different places and nobody, besides one employer that turned out to be a fluke and a huge waste of time, called me back. I was getting frustrated with job hunting and decided to just dedicate the free-time I had to doing art commissions, something I’m decent at.
I am well aware that commissions are not a reliable source of income, but what else am I supposed to do? I figured I’d cut my losses and just take any commission work that I could. Even if it’s unreliable, at the very least I would have some money. Boy was that a mistake! This was the first time I was accepting orders again since February this year. July was a great month! I received eight orders and I was able to meet my monthly financial goal thanks to the wonderful people who decided to commission me.
Yes, I pulled through and managed to make enough money to cover my expenses, but at the cost of my mental health, which is BAD! Truthfully, I’m not cut-out for the art grind. This is something I learned last year, where after four months of non-stop commission action, I (along with depression) burned myself out. Despite knowing that doing these things is not good for me, I did it anyway. I am making the same mistake again and I’m just not going to do it anymore.
I don’t want to spend all my free-time doing commissions. I want to draw what I want, and I’m tired of drawing pornographic artwork all the time. It was fun at first, but I’ve changed. I don’t find enjoyment in drawing this stuff like I did a year ago, or even 4 years ago. I do occasionally enjoy it, but what I’m trying to say is that I want to try something new. Instead of drawing characters getting every single one of their orifices stuffed full of chorizo, I want to draw characters interacting with their environment, doing a cool pose, or maybe even something spicy (like a fox in lingerie). Sometimes I don’t even want to draw a character and instead would rather draw a landscape, try new art techniques, and perform studies to gain more knowledge.
To further drive the point home, some of my favorite drawings that I’ve made this past year are drawings that don’t involve someone getting railed or having their face full of bro-gurt. I know what I want, but there’s a few concerns I have. The first concern is money. Not doing commissions means I have no way of earning money, which means I have to look for work elsewhere, if any. The second concern is my audience, the fans. We both know you follow me because you too enjoy seeing naked furry women. Once I change directions and start drawing things that aren’t that, some of you will leave, and maybe some will stay.
I’ve spent so much time and effort earning what I have now, which is all of you. For years I have dedicated myself to this. I’ve had ups and downs, and over time people found me and stuck by my side. I’m scared of this change. There’s something about letting go of something you’ve spent so much time building that makes me anxious. It almost feels as if all of this, the journey I had, was a waste of time…at least that’s what I used to think.
The ups and downs that I’ve experienced throughout my art career, and even my life, are what made me who I am today, and who I am today is not who I was yesterday. There’s nothing wrong with letting something go if it’s for the betterment of your own well-being. Change is uncomfortable, but without change, nothing changes.
So what does this all mean? What am I going to do now and what can you expect from me in the future? No, I’m not going to quit being an artist. I love drawing and I can’t ever see myself letting go of that, especially with how far I’ve come in bettering my skills. Will I be attempting to draw less furries in order to discover new avenues? Yes, yes I will. I love drawing furries and this community has given me so much that, again, I could never see myself NOT being a furry artist. I just want to try new things, that’s all. What you can expect is for me to draw less pornographic artwork. At most, I’ll draw something tasteful, or maybe sometimes I’ll draw someone naked, presenting themselves. Like I mentioned before, there are times where I enjoy that kind of work and there are times where I don’t. Whether or not I’ll draw something pornographic again will just depend on my mood at any given moment.
In regards to my frequency of uploads, nothing really changed. I’m still going to school and I still have less time to draw, not to mention that sometimes depression keeps me from drawing even if I wanted to. I still don’t know for sure if I want to quit commissions all together, or to occasionally accept a few here and there whenever I feel like it. If that last part is the case, I will definitely be making changes for what people can order. I’m still unsure of how else I’m going to make money, but I have a few ideas. If all else fails, I’ll just come back and do my best to grind out commissions. At the very least, I wouldn't have to subject myself to that grind forever.
If you’ve made it to the end of this journal, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to do so. I know some of you will be disappointed with this news, but I’m only doing what’s best for me and I hope you can understand. Thank you for sticking by my side for as long as you have.
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