~HadrianThorne

As with life, it sometimes takes a chunk out of your ass. Yay!

Some things have been going well for me, then other things happen, like my mom's health and my impending extra responsibilities. This would be all fine and dandy if it weren't all financial, mostly. Hell, I've taken care of people all my life. What's watching one more family member go going to do? Sure, she bounces back slowly...but I've done this enough times to know, the slower the health returns, the closer we're going to be to losing the fight. Then I have two siblings to take care of off my tiny income. I freak the fuck out a lot. I'm trying to learn to do things as my vision fails more and more. I need all these costly tools to adapt to my waning eyesight. I need a guide dog to be safe when I'm outside, my white cane only helps me so much. A guide dog costs money for upkeep and I'm feeding it on shitty food. So I have to figure out how I'm taking care of me, two teens, three dogs and four cats. I can not, when we lose our mother, turn around and say, OK, got to get rid of your pets now!

I'm just going to crawl inside my head and live in my own little world for now. I'll probably start writing again, put my fancy blind/vision impaired software to work and make it type for me. I have to learn to use it now.

Braille is fun to learn, also challenging. As soon as some snow sticks around, I'll begin snow cane training. I'm sure if gravel, grass, sand and sidewalks feel so different, so will snow. Stairs though, I'm not good with. Waiting on my test results for narcolepsy and the severity of my anemia.

I'm making sure Christmas is good this year, in case it's the last with mom. I also have two kids depending on me for a good Christmas. I still celebrate it for family, though the Winter Solstice is my thing.

I need more white sage. Smudging is never done.