~Artraccoon

It's been a hard haul with this whole cancer thing, the pandemic turmoil, the passing of my Mother, friends, and critters...and still working my mental & labor intensive and now very understaffed job this whole time. Yeah, working, while sick and weakened by chemo, but the bills weren't going to pay themselves and I needed the insurance that the company provided. This whole time dizzy, depressed, sick, and burnt out feeling. But damn it, I didn't come all this way through all this worldly hell just to give up. There were times I wanted to, and I broke down often...still do...and it would have been sooo easy to just give up. But I do have dreams, even with my passions beat down and subdued, dreams that I must pursue and most of all I have a life to live, even in a rather fucked up world that seems to get worse by the day. I've got to push on, it's going to be hard, but I will fight for my life and dreams. I have only three more post-cancer treatments left, one every two months of a lighter infusion of chemo. Makes you feel yucky for a couple of days, but I'm usually back to work by third day out...and I can burn vacation time to cover the missing day. Otherwise I'm in what passes for remission with this kind of cancer and probably have it kicked back for a decade...with plenty of medical overwatch the whole time. So, it's time to work harder on getting my strength back, not so easy with all the damage, the lack of good exercise, and just getting older. None the less, my strength and endurance are very slowly coming back...I just need to pace it right. Also, I need to repair my bicycle and get back into riding it, preferably after this absurd Texas heat is gone and before the Arctic cold starts crossing over those few strands of barbed wire along the Oklahoma border. I've got to fully and more passionately pursue my artistic ambitions and dreams. Got to work on my SF settings, work on comics, and develop new skills!! I've gotta LIVE, and not just exist...I gotta overcome soooo much, including my own weaknesses...my inertia, my doubts, my fear, my pain, etc...etc...I'm the asshole in charge of my destiny, fuck Cancer, fuck the Fates, and fuck inertia. The Long March lies ahead, there's things to do, God Willing, to create, to see, to enjoy in life. I'll be the better for it, and a whole lot happier. And of course, more ART!! So wish me luck and prayers, I'm coming back even through the fears, pain, and tears...PUSHING FORWARD!!