~Alyx_Ranas

Here we are. Another day, another week, another month, a year's gone by. Time is just trickling out of that little hourglass at an astonishing rate.

The last thing I posted was a song that I couldn't think of a name for. It was a complete outpouring and rending of my soul in one of those rare lucid moments where I was able to hold my emotions and thoughts out at arms-length and take a good look at where my life was going. Life has been fuzzy at best what with two jobs and being a full time engineering student, and still somehow balancing hobbies and sleep on top of all that. Musically that song has been my climax, I haven't really written anything that comes close to feeling like it's worth pursuing since I had that jam session way back in August 2016. I'm spent. It's a little terrifying to have come to a point where I'm just done with something that's been as important to me as music. For a long time music was the way I dug deep and exercised my demons, it was my escape. Never before had I wrote a piece that reduced me to tears afterwards, I still come back and listen to this to try and replicate the catharsis that this song was, it hurts so much, but in a good way. Even though I had a tendency to record most of my sessions, they were deeply personal and only ever performed when I was alone at my parents place. Since I've been here in this apartment complex that privacy is gone, there is always someone around somewhere who I know can hear me.

I'm exhausted in just about every way imaginable, the only thing keeping my sane at this point is my significant other and the little light at the end of the tunnel that is my college career. People come and people go, these last six months or so have been a huge learning experience for me, I've been new places, tried new things, met new people, lost old friends and family, learned a hell of a lot about myself. I think I'm ready to come back out from under the 'wraps' that I put over myself. I can't say I know what I'm doing with my life or really even where it's going. But I've opened doors up to huge possibilities and have so many options and fall-backs if I need them. Though exhausting, overall life is good and I'm excited to see what the coming years bring.

-AZR