~Aelius

Four years...

I remember back in 2016, when I stared incredulously at the poll results and wondered just how bad it could be. Not gonna lie, the next four years weren't the best. At all. However, in 2021, I kept thinking, "If only I could have told my 2016 self, 'Just four years, and you can exhale." I'm kinda wondering about that now, if my future self is struggling to say that to me now.

Just four years.

Seeing the results the other day, I was suddenly drawn back to the worse parts of those four years as awful memories flooded back. As those four years went by, I hated having to read news reports about how horrendous things were happening to innocent people. How a callous administration had no concern for human decency, or even dignity. I hated reading story after story about another and another and another terrible thing happening, to the point I even had to unfollow a lot of folks I admired because their socials had gone from beautiful art and poignant anecdotes to reposts galore of more awful things going on in the country. It was exhausting seeing "RESIST" over and over, everywhere, from people forced to fight to be themselves in the face of cruelty. Necessary, definitely, but a struggle nonetheless as it made me realize innocent people were threatened in so many different ways.

And Wednesday, I saw it again. I was brought back to tired nights worrying for my country. For my friends. It was an utterly exhausting four years, and I dread having to go through that again wondering what parts of our democracy once held sacred might not make it through intact...

But I still made it through those four years.

Over those four years, I learned self-care. I made art. I wrote an entire novel. I wrote what I consider one of my best short stories ever (Lucid, in ROAR 8). I maintained connections with my friends. I even deepened some of those friendships through sharing mutual interests. I attended conventions. I spent time with family. I played fun, memorable video games and saw some amazing movies. I discovered amazing, inspiring new music. I became engorged in numerous book series, inspiring me further to write and that even led to my first-ever writing retreat where I learned so much more (Hi, RAWR 4 peeps!). In spite of what happened, I persevered with others I held dear. I had reasons to smile.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if what we're about to face will last four years, or longer, or even shorter. But one thing I'm confident about is that I'll make it through it. It'll probably suck, but that isn't a reason to give up already. I will carry on. I choose hope. I will smile. I will create. I will learn. I will support my friends and worthy causes to make life just a little better for those less fortunate than I. I will be a positive light. And I will continue to believe that circumstances like these can be temporary.

I've got stories to tell, and I choose to make them to show you all.

I've also still got things to look forward to, like a trip to Japan next month! And hey, the way things are shaping up, I'll have something new and exciting to experience next summer that I've never done before! More details on that next year ;)

All that to say: Please don't give up. We all are here for one another. I choose not to fall in to despair again, remembering that I made it through before, and I will support you as we make it through this circumstance together. More than anything else, we all support each other.