~TheZDude

I'm attending MFF this year. Hope to see some of you here!

Hope you're having a filling/cozy Vore Day.

Unfortunately I don't have anything to contribute this year, due to an extended period of illness, changes in my obligations, and sleep issues. I do have 2 rather large vore projects in the works, but they might take some time yet. So, you can consider this an IOU with interest.

The next update for Fishfat has been partially finished. It's hard to say how done it is precisely. The only unit I can use to measure it is dev time, and that's hard to predict for what needs to be made.
However, I can say with reasonable confidence that the update is more than 50% done. Hopefully I can get it out the door soon enough. I've got a vore comic in the works to finish first.

Even if I have other things to worry about, I don't enjoy failing to create content for this community.
Hopefully I can put something out soon. Take care.

I've got an animation rendering at the moment. A long one using a pretty advanced renderer. I would work on my new game in the meantime, but I don't know if compiling code would be a good idea to have going during the render.

Would anyone be interested in a commission while the animation renders?
Comment here or shoot me a note if you are.

Just letting you know he's done and can be found in the public models folder.

https://mega.nz/folder/e2B0WBgD#A0F.....-2JEMccf2fVVpA

I'm in a people-pleasing mood today, so I'd like to ask.
Is there anything that you feel like I don't do enough of? Let me know!

As I'm sure most of you are aware, I recently started to dabble in 3D modeling and animation with Blender. It's been an aspiration of mine for a long time, actually. To date I've produced 4 rigged and textured character models, and created 3 animations. I can say that in a few months I've learned more than I can really comprehend.

With that said, I wish that I could say this experience has been liberating or inspiring. Recently, it's left me extremely demoralized. I've been too exhausted to accomplish much, but I had to get the work finished so it wouldn't loom over me. It could just be that I've poorly allocated my resources this time around.

Blender is a particularly temperamental tool, with a lot of options. At least in my experience, learning to model is a matter of comprehending a wide variety of techniques of varying complexity and learning when to apply them. A lot of tutorial resources can be completely incompatible with the methods you plan on using, and you won't know unless you're already aware of the alternative.

And that's to say nothing on how important a proper workflow is to put out anything worthwhile. I have never, through any of the mediums I've experimented with, encountered a tool that produces results this fragile. Some necessary steps of the process are irreversible and destructive. All of that compounds to make modeling more stressful than anything else, sometimes.

My standards are starting to outgrow my capabilities, which is likely only making things feel worse. Making a good model (like the kind you're likely to see worked with online) isn't just beyond my ability, it's beyond my comprehension. I'm sure dedicated Blender modelers would scoff at all this, in the unlikely event any of them are reading this. In the grand scheme of things, my experience is sub-beginner. The help from other 3D artists I've received has been immensely helpful, but there's only so much they've been able to assist me.

I think I've psyched myself into a bit of a warped mindset, that prevents me from imagining that I'll ever be good enough at this. Part of it feels like there's an assumed baseline competence that I can't live up to. Part of it feels like I'm working in a way that's unrespectable to the community. I feel like an invader to all this business.
I should reiterate that in all likelihood, none of those things are true. It's just the way my mind has been processing things.

I don't think I can state with confidence what the path forward looks like. Maybe I'll quit modeling, or maybe I'll keep it up by remaking my older models. Neither option really sounds good right now.

Thank you for listening.

I'd like to give a special shoutout to  dtcynic for giving me his patience, attention, and time.

I might need to go on a hiatus following this journal, it's hard to say for sure. It could be that I need a change of pace rather than a break. If any of you have been after a commission, now wouldn't be a bad time.

I first started drawing when I saw all my friends were enjoying it. I had no artistic ability whatsoever by that point. My writing was only passable by being mostly grammatically correct. I whipped out paint.net and started plotting pixels. I spent all night and all morning on it. The sun was too big, the shoulders were too wide, the pose was stiff, it completely lacked depth, and the character design needed some extra somethings. It felt great, because even though I wasn't so good yet my friends were there to support me. I had created something that didn't exist before I had made it. My friends applauded my efforts and congratulated my failures because they knew it wasn't easy to start.
So I kept spriting. Boost the resolution, try a new pose, try a new angle. Anything I wished existed I could make exist.

Those friends are gone now. Have been for a long time. I won't say it was their fault. I wasn't acting my best. I found new friends. I was better than I'd started, but had a long way to go. By that point I was able to make friends through my art. I met a guy who liked my stuff, but suggested I try using a drawing tablet. I found out I actually liked it.
He congratulated my failures because he knew it wasn't easy to start.
So I kept drawing. Use new tools, try more layers, do new concepts.

I think you can see where this is going. This has probably happened about a dozen times in the past 5 years.

Now, I don't think anyone's cheering me on. I know you're all supportive, but that's conditional. You applaud my successes because that's what you like. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm so far from where I want to be, though. All the things I hear now are positive. I appreciate it, but it's caused me to stagnate. It's so much harder to keep people in my life who have the desire and ability to help me upward. Most artists I interact with want nothing to do with me. Whether it's because I'm not good for conversation or because I'm not a good enough artist, I can't figure it out.

So, fine. Even if nobody's got my back, I can cheer myself on.
And you know what? It's killing me. I'm not sleeping because I need to keep drawing. I stopped wanting to talk about anything else. It's easy to motivate myself, but I don't think I can love myself.

Now, it feels like the world is closing in and calcifying. Where everyone's at is where everyone's going to be. I feel like I'm running out of time.

Sorry to put all this on you. I'm struggling to find anywhere else to turn. I hope you read this if only so somebody somewhere in the world can understand. If you did, thank you.

Good job. I see you, and appreciate your hard work.

A lot of online artists can be pretty discouraging to anyone not in their clique, but if you're taking the time to regularly create original content I respect you. It doesn't matter how good either of us think you are at it, it's worth a lot that you're doing it.

Keep it up, mates.

I've had this in the works for a long time, and I think it's finally time to announce it.

I created a new closed species: selachimorphs!
They're mostly characterized by bald heads with sleek ears, sharp teeth, sandpaper-like skin, gills, and tails with large fins. Selachimorphs favor aquatic settings, mainly the ocean, and can breath effortlessly underwater. They vary quite a bit in size, but are universally predators, eating large quantities of meat. Even though they tend to stay in the water, selachimorphs are fully capable of hunting on land.

Selachimorph licenses will be sold for $100 per character per image (or per frame for animations). Artists already using characters with the defining features will not receive amnesty nor have a license grandfathered in. A retroactive fee must be paid for each piece of infringing content, equal to a license plus a $20 fee to account for damages.

Unpaid infringements will be punishable by execution.

2022 has been a huge year for me. I've had a lot of firsts, and a lot of big projects completed. It's weird to see it finally coming to a close.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for sticking around, whether you're an artist or just looking. Here's to 2023, and better times.
Thank you.

Posted using PostyBirb

It hasn't been *that* long since my last upload, but I'd rather be early than late. I probably won't be releasing for some time. However, it's not because personal stuff's gotten in the way or that I'm just lazy. I'm working on something big. I really hope you like it when it's released. The progress will be available on my Discord server if you're interested, but I don't want to officially post anything until it's done.

Vore day's sneaking up on me, and I need to figure out what to draw while I'm free. Let me know if there's anything you think would fit with my art and on vore day. I've got a short list of ideas already, but I'm looking for more input.

It's my birthday today!
It's been quite a trip since I started drawing, and I'm very glad that you all decided to stick around.
Thank you.

I'm not working on anything right now so if anyone wants to commission me, I'm up for it.
Shoot me a note if you're interested.

Given that I almost exclusively draw sharks, I feel obligated to do something special for the occassion.
Not sure what I'd do, though. I've also got a 100 watcher special to get done and a small series I'm in the middle of.
Any ideas?

Thanks for all the support, guys. Didn't know I'd get this far when I started.

 SexyPopplio was my 100th watcher.

To celebrate, I do have something special planned, but I'm open to suggestions.

(There's also another thing I'd like to draw first, too. The 100 watcher special will probably take a long time as I don't have my tablet pen with me.)

I hope I continue to satisfy your niche kinks for quite some time~

I don't know if I'll end up drawing much for the time being.

I'd like to celebrate getting 100 watchers once I get there. Any ideas on what I should do?

I created a Discord server.
I'll be posting WIPs and answering questions. Streams are something I plan on doing here as well. It'll also be a place to talk about things in a more casual setting.
Feel free to join! I'd be glad to talk to you guys.
https://discord.gg/5F7h3dwpKM

I haven't had many ideas for drawings since that last internal with Cynthia. I'd appreciate some extra ideas to choose from. Hopefully something motivates me to draw again.
I'd like to note this is not asking for requests. I will not draw your characters, and I'm very unlikely to draw kinks I've not already drawn. This is mostly just for tossing ideas around.

It's my birthday today!
Unfortunately, my computer is broken and I'm waiting for a new power supply to arrive.

That is all.

I keep hearing about all these people having their power taken out by the snow, which is weird to hear as someone who lives in a ski resort where it snows almost year-round.
Anyway, I hope things end up ok in the end.

As an unmentioned part of Akai's design and lore, every person she has ever eaten has been doomed to an eternity on her curves.
They've been condemned to a fate not even death will release them from, and Akai is the only other person who knows.

As you've probably already noticed, I've recently redesigned Akai to include some small changes to her appearance, but there's another attribute I've considered giving her.
I quite like sentient fat, in case you weren't aware, but I haven't been able to fit it into Akai's lore. I feel like soul-fuckery conflicts a little bit with the genetic experimentation stuff I have going on, even with the more fantastical elements. Time-dilation might be a bit out there, but you can at least say it doesn't stray from a sci-fi setting.
I feel that soul entrapment does.
It'd recontextualize every picture of her I've ever uploaded if I changed whether she's got souls jiggling around on her, but if I'm going to do it, now would be the time.
What do you think?

At the moment I've come close to losing the drive for pixel art. Digital art seems to be the path forward.
I'm not sure that I'll completely abandon pixel art, but at the moment it kinda feels that way. This has been quite hard for me to come to terms with. I think I have a much more intense reaction to changes like this than most people. The thought that this might just be what I do in the future has been nothing short of terrifying.
And that's without even considering how my fans would respond to such a change.

I suppose the point is, I'm thinking of fundamentally altering the way I make my art and that's really scary for me.