Game ramblings
Posted 2 days agoAnother just bouncing around of ideas, trying to kind of figure out a medium term project to focus some energy on that won't be too insane, and let me chew on pen and paper design
Hmmm, ok, got a super basic idea to grind out on. An FFTA based game, based suuuper loosely off spelljammer/D&D
The Grand Order Coalition has fallen, and all those uppity humans have gotten a justice! (Today!) And the Monstrous Axis has broken their chokehold, if partly because a literal war amongst the gods and titans has caused all of them to disappear, goodbye humies!
So now all these monster races are gonna make their own countries. With hookers, and blackjack! In fact, fuck it, blackjack system
System is suuuuper in the weeds right now. Other than
You can draw cards = skill level, minimum 1. [Most characters will probably have 4-6 at a skill, so not a big concern]
Your bust limit is your stat skill * 2
Going bust means you fail, and opponent gets advantage(?)
Weapons and attacks probably have small damage dice, with lowish stat values (1-10)
Of course, all just up in the air ,but basically you'd flip a few cards to see if you succeed or fail. Trying for highest number without going bust.
Lots and lots to work out from here, but a ton of design space.
Modify your character's deck. Suits can be triggers (eg, charm person requires a heart suit or gets a bonus on heart suit)
May steal the fate hand from Malifaux too, a small hand of cards you can swap out, but just, need to start bouncing ideas onto paper, and can build up from smaller basics
Hmmm, ok, got a super basic idea to grind out on. An FFTA based game, based suuuper loosely off spelljammer/D&D
The Grand Order Coalition has fallen, and all those uppity humans have gotten a justice! (Today!) And the Monstrous Axis has broken their chokehold, if partly because a literal war amongst the gods and titans has caused all of them to disappear, goodbye humies!
So now all these monster races are gonna make their own countries. With hookers, and blackjack! In fact, fuck it, blackjack system
System is suuuuper in the weeds right now. Other than
You can draw cards = skill level, minimum 1. [Most characters will probably have 4-6 at a skill, so not a big concern]
Your bust limit is your stat skill * 2
Going bust means you fail, and opponent gets advantage(?)
Weapons and attacks probably have small damage dice, with lowish stat values (1-10)
Of course, all just up in the air ,but basically you'd flip a few cards to see if you succeed or fail. Trying for highest number without going bust.
Lots and lots to work out from here, but a ton of design space.
Modify your character's deck. Suits can be triggers (eg, charm person requires a heart suit or gets a bonus on heart suit)
May steal the fate hand from Malifaux too, a small hand of cards you can swap out, but just, need to start bouncing ideas onto paper, and can build up from smaller basics
ADHD, survival mode, brainfog, and you!
Posted a week agoADHD, survival brain, and you!
Journaling some to wrangle some moods, issues, and frustrations I've been having. If you're wondering why I've just not been posting as much writing, here it is.
ADHD, mood issues, brain fog, and general depression just sucks. I'll like, lose a week to just straight depression, unable to game or anything.
Lately it's been a really bad lack of focus. Even for fun things, like gaming. So been digging a little into survival mode. It feels like a subtle 'anxiousness' to EVERYTHING. Wanna eat something: "You're eating wrong!" The voice chimes in.
Wanna game: "You're wasting your time!"
Wanna write: Brain just gets stuck on every sentence, uncertain of phrasing and insecure about each paragraph. Memory bits pop in and fall out.
I've always struggled with creative projects. Holy hell does ADHD give you ideas, but it's like, Cassandra's curse: Here's all these fun ideas, you will NEVER be able to follow up on any of them.
Another weird aspect of ADHD (and maybe autism) is interests wax and wane. For 6 months I'll write frantically, then it'll be like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall trying to phrase things.
For a month I'll obsessively play Roguetech, until suddenly it's like a switch is flipped and I stop playing. Or SOVL for a week, then poof done.
And work, well, work sucks. Beocming a supervisor has been like, zha worst. I have super bad insecurities and soft skills and negative charisma, and trying to order people feels like pulling teeth. Especially a bunch of egotistical types who blame everyone but themselves. So morale has just sucked.
Add to that a general feel of super overwhelmed because I have too many things to remember.
So one thing I want to do is start working on check lists. Just, check list ALL THE THINGS. Chores, daily habits, work tasks, study, I like, need to see it or it doesn't exist.
And some of this is just, as this ADHD fueled ramble shows, my brain just, works weirdly =( I joke that instead of a multicore processor, my brain just compensates by overclocking.
as an idea how this goes. I'll just overanalyze everything and jump four or 5 thoughts down before responding to something. Which can be... Confusing to all involved =D
Add in a dash of autism and just feeling alienated and not belonging anywhere, and things are just... Frustrating sometimes.
Trying to improve myself, but well, dieting in the apocalypse sucks. It feels a lot like, why bother, everything is probably going to collapse soon, go smoke that weed and have that cake while you can.
I have managed to get back to losing weight after a week or two of depression, and only gained a few pounds, so probably back to lowest weight again. which has been nice. Same with learning some basic SQL, which was cool. Trying to finish a coursera course to save some money, and start watching my budget closer. As money problems are really dragging me down =(
But enough rambling, just, trying to work myself to improve my work, life, health, and creativity, but been extremely burnt out since 2020 with no relief.
Journaling some to wrangle some moods, issues, and frustrations I've been having. If you're wondering why I've just not been posting as much writing, here it is.
ADHD, mood issues, brain fog, and general depression just sucks. I'll like, lose a week to just straight depression, unable to game or anything.
Lately it's been a really bad lack of focus. Even for fun things, like gaming. So been digging a little into survival mode. It feels like a subtle 'anxiousness' to EVERYTHING. Wanna eat something: "You're eating wrong!" The voice chimes in.
Wanna game: "You're wasting your time!"
Wanna write: Brain just gets stuck on every sentence, uncertain of phrasing and insecure about each paragraph. Memory bits pop in and fall out.
I've always struggled with creative projects. Holy hell does ADHD give you ideas, but it's like, Cassandra's curse: Here's all these fun ideas, you will NEVER be able to follow up on any of them.
Another weird aspect of ADHD (and maybe autism) is interests wax and wane. For 6 months I'll write frantically, then it'll be like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall trying to phrase things.
For a month I'll obsessively play Roguetech, until suddenly it's like a switch is flipped and I stop playing. Or SOVL for a week, then poof done.
And work, well, work sucks. Beocming a supervisor has been like, zha worst. I have super bad insecurities and soft skills and negative charisma, and trying to order people feels like pulling teeth. Especially a bunch of egotistical types who blame everyone but themselves. So morale has just sucked.
Add to that a general feel of super overwhelmed because I have too many things to remember.
So one thing I want to do is start working on check lists. Just, check list ALL THE THINGS. Chores, daily habits, work tasks, study, I like, need to see it or it doesn't exist.
And some of this is just, as this ADHD fueled ramble shows, my brain just, works weirdly =( I joke that instead of a multicore processor, my brain just compensates by overclocking.
as an idea how this goes. I'll just overanalyze everything and jump four or 5 thoughts down before responding to something. Which can be... Confusing to all involved =D
Add in a dash of autism and just feeling alienated and not belonging anywhere, and things are just... Frustrating sometimes.
Trying to improve myself, but well, dieting in the apocalypse sucks. It feels a lot like, why bother, everything is probably going to collapse soon, go smoke that weed and have that cake while you can.
I have managed to get back to losing weight after a week or two of depression, and only gained a few pounds, so probably back to lowest weight again. which has been nice. Same with learning some basic SQL, which was cool. Trying to finish a coursera course to save some money, and start watching my budget closer. As money problems are really dragging me down =(
But enough rambling, just, trying to work myself to improve my work, life, health, and creativity, but been extremely burnt out since 2020 with no relief.
Game journal 2, pokemon.. conquest?! Wait a minute...
Posted 3 weeks agoGame journal 2!
Pokemon conquest =D
Ok, yeah, this game basically exist. But I'm gonna make my own, with hookers, and blackjack!
Actually, probably more a d10 or d12 rolling system with simple modifiers. Probably. a hero unit with 6 pokemon, trainers can buff but lose a trainer and it's KO time
Very, fire emblem style combat. One thought is having 2-4 trainers, for wider fights. May even be a command radius on them
The othe big mechanic idea is terrain affinities.
Current ideas
Field = bonus attack to fliers?
Forest = bonus defense for grass type, bonus offense for fire
Water =bonuses for water and grass typse
Mountains =bonuses to ground/rock
Etc etc
Originally was thinking advance wars, but lets simplify into a quick skirmish game.
Tile based movement, single square or 2 square range.
Probably have to play some fire emblem and advance wars for ideas, along with wargroove and battle for wesnoth
This will probably be my first trail urn game, since it requires:
Simple 8 bit tiles for ground
Simple 8 bit sprites
Some minor effects (sprite deformation attacks)
Simple UI
No major weird math (all int based modifiers)
Simple probability
Not for publishing, this is very 'dangerous dave in copyright infringement' territory.
Pokemon conquest =D
Ok, yeah, this game basically exist. But I'm gonna make my own, with hookers, and blackjack!
Actually, probably more a d10 or d12 rolling system with simple modifiers. Probably. a hero unit with 6 pokemon, trainers can buff but lose a trainer and it's KO time
Very, fire emblem style combat. One thought is having 2-4 trainers, for wider fights. May even be a command radius on them
The othe big mechanic idea is terrain affinities.
Current ideas
Field = bonus attack to fliers?
Forest = bonus defense for grass type, bonus offense for fire
Water =bonuses for water and grass typse
Mountains =bonuses to ground/rock
Etc etc
Originally was thinking advance wars, but lets simplify into a quick skirmish game.
Tile based movement, single square or 2 square range.
Probably have to play some fire emblem and advance wars for ideas, along with wargroove and battle for wesnoth
This will probably be my first trail urn game, since it requires:
Simple 8 bit tiles for ground
Simple 8 bit sprites
Some minor effects (sprite deformation attacks)
Simple UI
No major weird math (all int based modifiers)
Simple probability
Not for publishing, this is very 'dangerous dave in copyright infringement' territory.
TransFormidable Software
Posted a month agoBeen enjoying the programming bug I'll even nab a placeholder name and some social media, mostly to sit on them. but if I do get projects going, I'll be posting updates on them as well. Don't worry, some of these will also be TheLastGasp Designs, for my after dark fun =D
https://mastodon.social/@TransFormidable
https://bsky.app/profile/transformi.....le.bsky.social
yes, I had too much fun with the design name. Going to make games woke again =D
https://mastodon.social/@TransFormidable
https://bsky.app/profile/transformi.....le.bsky.social
yes, I had too much fun with the design name. Going to make games woke again =D
Game idea Journal #1: MooD!
Posted a month agoGame idea Journal #1
MooD
Premise: DooM, but you play the legions of hell in a top down tactics game.
System: Might use Vor: The Maelstrom's rules because I loved that tabletop game, it has a unit designer ruleset built in, and some basic points to start I can corrupt around. DooM assets are easy to find, with sound and graphics I can 'borrow'
Ideas and gameplay
You play the legions of hell vs UAC security, corrupting and conquering Deimos before sending it to Hell. Current idea is to just steal the VOR rules, but I'll probably corrupt them, one thing is how to turn a ruler based game into a square based game, but hey, one thing at a time =D Also primarily using Doom 1 sprites and enemies unless noted
Some random note ideas
UAC forces
Strategy: Glass cannon firepower
The UAC marines are still some of the baddest of the bad, even on the backwater Mars facilities. While not as tough as the demons of hell, if they get a good open area they can lay down massive firepower and blow them into chunky kibble. Their weakness tends to
Unit hierarchy
Soldier: The grunt. Slow with a basic but moderately powerful assault rifle. Not extremely dangerous alone. too bad they travel in squads.
Sargent: you know em. You love em. Badass squad leaders with a potent shotgun. Able to blast packed troops with buckshot if they catch you unprepared. Typiaclly found alone supporting troops, but occasionally a small group will form a breaching team together.
Chaingunner: Hey! I thought this was doom 1 stuff only?! Well, UAC needs a few more units to be interesting or this would get tedious quick. Thankfully they tend to be alone or in pairs. Unfortunately they have a massive chaingun and can lay down heavy firepower.
Heavy Weapons: OK, we need a DooM guy somewhere. He's not the real thing, but he does have the rocket launcher. Able to turn demons into chunky salsa with a single rocket.
The demons of hell.
Strategy: Swarm/subversive melee.
The demons of hell are a motley crew and prone to in-fighting(?). But also come in numbers that would make Zapp Brannigan proud. Who cares if they die, these fuckers already died once, they can go right back to hell.
Lost Soul: the saddest of the sinners get to be cannon fodder. These poor bastards are mostly there to harass, pin, and die horribly while more useful demons move into place. Work in squads of 4-6 or 5-10.)
Imps: Your classic hell PBI (Poor Bloody Infantry). Thankfully hell is pretty damn full, so there's plenty of ‘em. Modest damage but inaccurate fireballs and a very solid melee if you can reach it. Tend to work in packs of 5-10.
Pinkies: The go-to unit for smashing lines.... If it can reach them. With only melee you're at risk. Typically only 1 or 2 at a time, but sometimes you'll get a whole mob together.
Specters: With innate invisibility providing some protection, these are your elite unit. These tend to be solo units and pricey, but if protected should be able to cut through squads on their own, just be careful of chaingunners or rockets blasting whole areas to clear them out.
Barons of hell: the Sarges of the demon world, but way more badass. Nasty green flaming boogers, able to smash any puny human they reach in melee. But a bit slower than everyone else. Also, you may be tough, but you're not invincible. Probably have some fun 'buff' abilities'
And there we go. Some unit types and ideas of how they might work. Vor is a squad based alternating unit activation game. One fun idea is friendly fire is somewhat easily done if not careful. But also things like, trying to sweep lost souls on the other side of two opposing squads to encourage friendly fire from UAC troops.
The UAC being slow and more 'defensive' will probably make their AI easier, since writing defensive AI is easier than offensive. Can I shoot something? BLAM! No? Can I move to shoot something. BLAM! Otherwise, look pretty.
Also, I'm probably 6 months from making this, this is just some quick journal notes to go back to when I'm closer to it.
MooD
Premise: DooM, but you play the legions of hell in a top down tactics game.
System: Might use Vor: The Maelstrom's rules because I loved that tabletop game, it has a unit designer ruleset built in, and some basic points to start I can corrupt around. DooM assets are easy to find, with sound and graphics I can 'borrow'
Ideas and gameplay
You play the legions of hell vs UAC security, corrupting and conquering Deimos before sending it to Hell. Current idea is to just steal the VOR rules, but I'll probably corrupt them, one thing is how to turn a ruler based game into a square based game, but hey, one thing at a time =D Also primarily using Doom 1 sprites and enemies unless noted
Some random note ideas
UAC forces
Strategy: Glass cannon firepower
The UAC marines are still some of the baddest of the bad, even on the backwater Mars facilities. While not as tough as the demons of hell, if they get a good open area they can lay down massive firepower and blow them into chunky kibble. Their weakness tends to
Unit hierarchy
Soldier: The grunt. Slow with a basic but moderately powerful assault rifle. Not extremely dangerous alone. too bad they travel in squads.
Sargent: you know em. You love em. Badass squad leaders with a potent shotgun. Able to blast packed troops with buckshot if they catch you unprepared. Typiaclly found alone supporting troops, but occasionally a small group will form a breaching team together.
Chaingunner: Hey! I thought this was doom 1 stuff only?! Well, UAC needs a few more units to be interesting or this would get tedious quick. Thankfully they tend to be alone or in pairs. Unfortunately they have a massive chaingun and can lay down heavy firepower.
Heavy Weapons: OK, we need a DooM guy somewhere. He's not the real thing, but he does have the rocket launcher. Able to turn demons into chunky salsa with a single rocket.
The demons of hell.
Strategy: Swarm/subversive melee.
The demons of hell are a motley crew and prone to in-fighting(?). But also come in numbers that would make Zapp Brannigan proud. Who cares if they die, these fuckers already died once, they can go right back to hell.
Lost Soul: the saddest of the sinners get to be cannon fodder. These poor bastards are mostly there to harass, pin, and die horribly while more useful demons move into place. Work in squads of 4-6 or 5-10.)
Imps: Your classic hell PBI (Poor Bloody Infantry). Thankfully hell is pretty damn full, so there's plenty of ‘em. Modest damage but inaccurate fireballs and a very solid melee if you can reach it. Tend to work in packs of 5-10.
Pinkies: The go-to unit for smashing lines.... If it can reach them. With only melee you're at risk. Typically only 1 or 2 at a time, but sometimes you'll get a whole mob together.
Specters: With innate invisibility providing some protection, these are your elite unit. These tend to be solo units and pricey, but if protected should be able to cut through squads on their own, just be careful of chaingunners or rockets blasting whole areas to clear them out.
Barons of hell: the Sarges of the demon world, but way more badass. Nasty green flaming boogers, able to smash any puny human they reach in melee. But a bit slower than everyone else. Also, you may be tough, but you're not invincible. Probably have some fun 'buff' abilities'
And there we go. Some unit types and ideas of how they might work. Vor is a squad based alternating unit activation game. One fun idea is friendly fire is somewhat easily done if not careful. But also things like, trying to sweep lost souls on the other side of two opposing squads to encourage friendly fire from UAC troops.
The UAC being slow and more 'defensive' will probably make their AI easier, since writing defensive AI is easier than offensive. Can I shoot something? BLAM! No? Can I move to shoot something. BLAM! Otherwise, look pretty.
Also, I'm probably 6 months from making this, this is just some quick journal notes to go back to when I'm closer to it.
Game Design Journal #1
Posted a month agoGame design journal #1: 11/19/24
Starting this off, I got a couple books to go through. Clean Code by Robert C Martin and C# Player's Guide 5th edition by RB Whitaker. Going through a cybersecurity certificate as well through Coursera.
Idea so far is to use a mix of GDScript and C# to start, There's a lot of GDScript tutorials to learn Godot, but I'll probably see about slow learning C# proper through the Player's Guide.
Game ideas, oh boy, am I full of them, but the easiest thing is to start with simpler things.
Blackjack
Blackjack based RPG mechanic
Implementing various board/wargames like
Vor: The Maelstrom
Sillhouette/Heavy Gear/Gear Krieg
The various wargames in my Dragon magazine and Traveller magazine collections
Various tactics based ideas inlcuding
Bottomless Gorge, a vore themed mystery dungeon themed idea I had
Dieselpunk styled Syndicate =D (I should play Syndicate too)
And some mechanical ideas, like turned based tactics game where you set actions, and then it plays out 6 seconds in real time.
Biggest idea is basically a Roguetech style game. Maybe goblins doing battle with ramshackle vehicles ala Gorka Morka, with the Roguetech style 'scavenge off broken vehicles to upgrade your own'
But for now, I know NOTHING =D so it's just a matter of grinding through that workbook and just making the most basic of things. Hello World. Space invaders. A platformer. Some basics tactics games. Making UIs. All the fun stuff. Got a book on pixel art, so who knows, maybe I'll try my hand at that.
Also if anyone wants ot conspire with me, I'd love it. Been super burnt out with life unfortunately. So just trying to get back to studying like I used to be able to. Focus has just been super hard lately =(
Starting this off, I got a couple books to go through. Clean Code by Robert C Martin and C# Player's Guide 5th edition by RB Whitaker. Going through a cybersecurity certificate as well through Coursera.
Idea so far is to use a mix of GDScript and C# to start, There's a lot of GDScript tutorials to learn Godot, but I'll probably see about slow learning C# proper through the Player's Guide.
Game ideas, oh boy, am I full of them, but the easiest thing is to start with simpler things.
Blackjack
Blackjack based RPG mechanic
Implementing various board/wargames like
Vor: The Maelstrom
Sillhouette/Heavy Gear/Gear Krieg
The various wargames in my Dragon magazine and Traveller magazine collections
Various tactics based ideas inlcuding
Bottomless Gorge, a vore themed mystery dungeon themed idea I had
Dieselpunk styled Syndicate =D (I should play Syndicate too)
And some mechanical ideas, like turned based tactics game where you set actions, and then it plays out 6 seconds in real time.
Biggest idea is basically a Roguetech style game. Maybe goblins doing battle with ramshackle vehicles ala Gorka Morka, with the Roguetech style 'scavenge off broken vehicles to upgrade your own'
But for now, I know NOTHING =D so it's just a matter of grinding through that workbook and just making the most basic of things. Hello World. Space invaders. A platformer. Some basics tactics games. Making UIs. All the fun stuff. Got a book on pixel art, so who knows, maybe I'll try my hand at that.
Also if anyone wants ot conspire with me, I'd love it. Been super burnt out with life unfortunately. So just trying to get back to studying like I used to be able to. Focus has just been super hard lately =(
Mentally and physically sick
Posted a month agoOof, been a rough couple weeks, but I've just been having some brutally bad depression that's just made me want to do little but hide in RogueTech. [Go SLDF-In-Exile!]
And I got a cold this week, but trying to get myself out to just, work on myself. Need to really push for cleaning out my room and bathroom, and doing some cooking prep to have some healthy foods ready.
And just, deal with myself, pay down bills, try and spend less, sleep and exercise better, use less weed, drink less, all that boring adult stuff.
So trying to turn myself around and very discouraged about the state of the world and my writing, but all I can do is get back to studying, working, and trying to track all my projects in my ADHD haze. All I can do is just keep on trying to write and create, and I need to set some time for studying languages, Godot, and writing.
And I got a cold this week, but trying to get myself out to just, work on myself. Need to really push for cleaning out my room and bathroom, and doing some cooking prep to have some healthy foods ready.
And just, deal with myself, pay down bills, try and spend less, sleep and exercise better, use less weed, drink less, all that boring adult stuff.
So trying to turn myself around and very discouraged about the state of the world and my writing, but all I can do is get back to studying, working, and trying to track all my projects in my ADHD haze. All I can do is just keep on trying to write and create, and I need to set some time for studying languages, Godot, and writing.
Happy 27 years of furry fandom
Posted 2 months ago..... Yikes! Amusingly got a calendar event for it now. But yeah, hoping to have something to post by halloween, just been in a slump lately, but lots of OT and just kind of drained all the time.
Here's to perhaps 20 years going stronger
Here's to perhaps 20 years going stronger
studies and rambles
Posted 2 months agoHoping to start working on some gaming and other creative things. Got a story ALMOST ready, but trying to give it a bit more polish before I fling it out.
Also looking into studying Godot and cybersecurity things via Mimo, Coursera, and just self study. Trying to replace my doomscrolling with study scrolling or writing creative notes.
So I may start putting out little journals of game and project ideas to get me a little more inspired and spread some of my weird chaos around.
Also looking into studying Godot and cybersecurity things via Mimo, Coursera, and just self study. Trying to replace my doomscrolling with study scrolling or writing creative notes.
So I may start putting out little journals of game and project ideas to get me a little more inspired and spread some of my weird chaos around.
notice: weird october schedule
Posted 2 months agoI got a bunch of early (like 3am early) shifts this month, so I'll be going to bed super early =( but also up at far too early, so may be around a ltitle less than normal
Wake me up, when September ends...
Posted 3 months agooops, kinda 'fell asleep' from depression at the end of summer here. I had been riding a real fun good mood feeling through the end of August after watching Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
unfortunately I kinda slipped out of that after seeing sister's wedding, just kinda, overwhelmed and feeling bad about myself for the month. The wedding was beautiful, but just, where I suddenly felt super crushed between that and work pressure
thankfully, getting work things done and wrangled, maybe not the best, but tryin' at it. Management is not my strong point, so it's been rough.
Took a day off to just chill and vibe and reset my brain, and feelin better. sometimes I just burn out a little trying to do so much with so little attention span. ADHD and autism have just been extra rough lately for me
Trying to do this to work on more new habits, as I've slowly improved myself with a few. wanting monday to thursday to be at least half an hour exercise and half an hour writing. and aim for an hour each saturday and sunday. Friday can be a chill day, but I mean, I should strike while the iron is hot for either.
40's have just kinda, hit me hard unfortunately, and I just lack the energy and stamina I used to have.
here's to awesome days for everyone <3
unfortunately I kinda slipped out of that after seeing sister's wedding, just kinda, overwhelmed and feeling bad about myself for the month. The wedding was beautiful, but just, where I suddenly felt super crushed between that and work pressure
thankfully, getting work things done and wrangled, maybe not the best, but tryin' at it. Management is not my strong point, so it's been rough.
Took a day off to just chill and vibe and reset my brain, and feelin better. sometimes I just burn out a little trying to do so much with so little attention span. ADHD and autism have just been extra rough lately for me
Trying to do this to work on more new habits, as I've slowly improved myself with a few. wanting monday to thursday to be at least half an hour exercise and half an hour writing. and aim for an hour each saturday and sunday. Friday can be a chill day, but I mean, I should strike while the iron is hot for either.
40's have just kinda, hit me hard unfortunately, and I just lack the energy and stamina I used to have.
here's to awesome days for everyone <3
Silly rambles about sphinxes
Posted 3 months agoSome rambles from a sphinx group about my fave mystic beasties
((if i ran d&d with sphinxes they'd be avatars of the god of magic. Basically nature magic spirits. Seeking out all knowledge and running essentially a library of all known knowledge and books))
Very into equivalent exchange and adore riddles, wordplay (especially puns), and puzzles . Very much one of those 'somewhere in this world is a library of nearly all known information. Find one of the 108 sphinxes collecting information and they could lead you to it. But to take information means leaving some yourself of equivalent value'
With potentially very fae things like selling all of your memories
They have a huge beef with beholders, since you know. Avatars of magic and beholders are giant floating anti magic cones. Very lawful neutral. Kind of dragons for information. Tend to lean towards good because blown up worlds aren't very complicated)
Got a Friendly rivalry with dragons as compulsive hoarders. each thinks the other is silly for collecting such trivial things
((if i ran d&d with sphinxes they'd be avatars of the god of magic. Basically nature magic spirits. Seeking out all knowledge and running essentially a library of all known knowledge and books))
Very into equivalent exchange and adore riddles, wordplay (especially puns), and puzzles . Very much one of those 'somewhere in this world is a library of nearly all known information. Find one of the 108 sphinxes collecting information and they could lead you to it. But to take information means leaving some yourself of equivalent value'
With potentially very fae things like selling all of your memories
They have a huge beef with beholders, since you know. Avatars of magic and beholders are giant floating anti magic cones. Very lawful neutral. Kind of dragons for information. Tend to lean towards good because blown up worlds aren't very complicated)
Got a Friendly rivalry with dragons as compulsive hoarders. each thinks the other is silly for collecting such trivial things
mini vacay
Posted 3 months agoGot a weekend trip to see my sister's wedding, so I will be out for the weekend.
Work has been CRAZY busy, but my mood has been improved some. so just seeing if I can start grinding on writing again. got lots of projects, but lot energy to write.
also working to wrangle my ADHD and autism demons, it's a hassle but some goblin has to do it.
Work has been CRAZY busy, but my mood has been improved some. so just seeing if I can start grinding on writing again. got lots of projects, but lot energy to write.
also working to wrangle my ADHD and autism demons, it's a hassle but some goblin has to do it.
Depression bites
Posted 5 months agoI'm frustrated i fell into a bad depression over the weekend. Just dumb little work screw up and dreading drama. Just feeling stuck now and i dont know what to do anymore with life.
Trying to work on mental and physical health but it just feels out of reach of my dumb brain. Just been dumb and bratty and worthless lately, 0 focus and willpower left. Keep letting everyone down and failing them.
But just woken up with mild work Drama that feels helpless and cant seem to shut off the bad thoughts
Trying to work on mental and physical health but it just feels out of reach of my dumb brain. Just been dumb and bratty and worthless lately, 0 focus and willpower left. Keep letting everyone down and failing them.
But just woken up with mild work Drama that feels helpless and cant seem to shut off the bad thoughts
I'm baaaack!
Posted 5 months agowhew, back from some looong travel. Vacation went mostly well, but been annoyed Ij ust seem to trigger a lot easier with panic attacks and mood issues than I used to =( trying to figure it out more, and had some minor health problems with tons of foot pain that usually doesn't come up (and a nasty blister on first day =( )
but overall think it went OK. a touch annoyed I return to work drama tomorrow,but one thing at a time. I just gotta work more on writing and studying more and go from there =3
but overall think it went OK. a touch annoyed I return to work drama tomorrow,but one thing at a time. I just gotta work more on writing and studying more and go from there =3
vacay time
Posted 6 months agoI'll be mostly away until June 6th, so if you don't see me on Telegram or other internet stuff that is why =3
otherwise, just trying to fight off stress and panic attacks and brain being dumb. Snerked a bit at an autism questionnaire and getting 9/10 towards autistic, but no surprise there
And a bit annoyed at pesky ADHD questionnaire where I've just been so reclusive I dunno if I have anyone who can answer personal questions about my behavior =/
but just gotta try my best and roll with it, work's been kinda ramping up so probably come back to a metaphorical tire fire at work, but doing all that dumb brain stuff to try and help improve myself
otherwise, hope everyone is well, will be nice to not be reachable for dumb work questions for a week.
otherwise, just trying to fight off stress and panic attacks and brain being dumb. Snerked a bit at an autism questionnaire and getting 9/10 towards autistic, but no surprise there
And a bit annoyed at pesky ADHD questionnaire where I've just been so reclusive I dunno if I have anyone who can answer personal questions about my behavior =/
but just gotta try my best and roll with it, work's been kinda ramping up so probably come back to a metaphorical tire fire at work, but doing all that dumb brain stuff to try and help improve myself
otherwise, hope everyone is well, will be nice to not be reachable for dumb work questions for a week.
A little broken
Posted 6 months agoHmm. Just woke up and some reason feeling intense existential anxiety about everything. So no guarantees I do manage to finish that doom map or other projects
Just lately this week i feel like my memory keeps failing me and my focus is deep in the negatives. Just a lousy feeling that everything is worthless.
Probably a bit from me trying to fix lots of broken things in my life but feeling unable to
Just lately this week i feel like my memory keeps failing me and my focus is deep in the negatives. Just a lousy feeling that everything is worthless.
Probably a bit from me trying to fix lots of broken things in my life but feeling unable to
RAMP 2024
Posted 6 months agohttps://ramp2024.doomproject.com/index.php
It's time, we're gonna party like it's 1993, and go make some DooM maps, come join me =3
It's time, we're gonna party like it's 1993, and go make some DooM maps, come join me =3
Insomnia blues and writing
Posted 6 months agoBit bad by the insomnia blues so venting a touch. But trying to get to writing more aggressively. Even if just basic things. I've always just been a "doodler" with words. Stupid autism brain doesn't get language. It just sort of naturally flows and I skim read far too fast.
Lately though I just feel I'm not belonging anywhere. It's a troublesome feeling. With struggles to hold emotions in check more I'm worried I'm just too broken for relationships and jobs and adulting anymore.
But just chugging along for now. Hopefully shall plot some longer smut (but this has me painful painful anxious) and a few more little fap fodder things. Probably mostly for inkbunny but we'll see :3
Lately though I just feel I'm not belonging anywhere. It's a troublesome feeling. With struggles to hold emotions in check more I'm worried I'm just too broken for relationships and jobs and adulting anymore.
But just chugging along for now. Hopefully shall plot some longer smut (but this has me painful painful anxious) and a few more little fap fodder things. Probably mostly for inkbunny but we'll see :3
Tiffany Windclaw's guide to simple games of peril
Posted 7 months ago[[An idea I had for my vore biased pokemon mystery dungeon based world, from my mascot OC for it]]
1: all participants must consent while of sound mind. Once joined if you wish to inebriate yourself that is your choice.
2: any participant may back out at any point, this is a game that will end in a deadly situation, it’s understandable to get cold feet.
3: all participants decide on a simple method to determine 1 loser. The easiest is to roll dice or pick cards. Reroll on a tie. For cards, a quick tiebreaker idea: Clubs < Diamonds < Hearts < Spades. [thanks Malifaux]
4: All participants decide on how many failure states exist, and what the penalty is for each. The final one must result in death. Some quick ideas. Having to heavy pet the winner, pulling the guillotine up, then getting guillotined. Slowly filling up a tank is a choice or being devoured by a convenient predator. Whatever kinky ideas the pair or group decides on. [the original OOC one was stripping off your outer garments, strip off under garments, tie noose, tie noose off, then hang yourself on 5th loss]
4a: you could set this up with an assistant performing the penalty phases, which may be simpler for groups [the original idea was a couple playing in their kinky sex dungeon, and wanting to finally go all the way in a rope on stream]
5: Decide on the pace of the game, and all participants must perform the deciding action around the same time. You may choose personal ways to decide initiative, but the simpler the better. Typical pace would be to just take your time as desired on how quickly you perform each penalty action. A public displayed group may wish to enforce keeping turns flowing quicker.
6: have fun you kinky little monsters, I’m sure I’ll see some of you in the respawn chamber ^.~
[[optionally fully fatal is totally legit, but written for my Bottomless Gorge setting]]
1: all participants must consent while of sound mind. Once joined if you wish to inebriate yourself that is your choice.
2: any participant may back out at any point, this is a game that will end in a deadly situation, it’s understandable to get cold feet.
3: all participants decide on a simple method to determine 1 loser. The easiest is to roll dice or pick cards. Reroll on a tie. For cards, a quick tiebreaker idea: Clubs < Diamonds < Hearts < Spades. [thanks Malifaux]
4: All participants decide on how many failure states exist, and what the penalty is for each. The final one must result in death. Some quick ideas. Having to heavy pet the winner, pulling the guillotine up, then getting guillotined. Slowly filling up a tank is a choice or being devoured by a convenient predator. Whatever kinky ideas the pair or group decides on. [the original OOC one was stripping off your outer garments, strip off under garments, tie noose, tie noose off, then hang yourself on 5th loss]
4a: you could set this up with an assistant performing the penalty phases, which may be simpler for groups [the original idea was a couple playing in their kinky sex dungeon, and wanting to finally go all the way in a rope on stream]
5: Decide on the pace of the game, and all participants must perform the deciding action around the same time. You may choose personal ways to decide initiative, but the simpler the better. Typical pace would be to just take your time as desired on how quickly you perform each penalty action. A public displayed group may wish to enforce keeping turns flowing quicker.
6: have fun you kinky little monsters, I’m sure I’ll see some of you in the respawn chamber ^.~
[[optionally fully fatal is totally legit, but written for my Bottomless Gorge setting]]
Insomnia sucks
Posted 8 months agoBeen trying to work on my brain and problems. Been a bit rough as I've been stuck in survival mode.
One thing I'm trying to do is work on my autism and ADHD issues. Was amused by a 64 signs of autism, and having like 8 of them.... Not be on my list:D
Got a trip coming up but boy I am stressed. But just trying my best.
One thing I'm trying to do is work on my autism and ADHD issues. Was amused by a 64 signs of autism, and having like 8 of them.... Not be on my list:D
Got a trip coming up but boy I am stressed. But just trying my best.
boo, sick
Posted 8 months agolooks like I got a cold, hopefully not COVID (but modest chance, two of my roomies got it, and it's all over Seattle area), so maybe a bit slow for the week.
trying to get some writing, but lots of work drama and trying to prep up for a vacation thing but hoo boy I am a stressed tanuki
trying to get some writing, but lots of work drama and trying to prep up for a vacation thing but hoo boy I am a stressed tanuki
Depression sucks
Posted 9 months agoHaving some rough mental times and sleep problems exacerbating them. Got tons of ideas. But so burnt out I can't even play games. Apologies to everyone waiting on stories
Some slight good news
Posted 10 months agoCPAP dried out enough it's working again. I was worried I'd be really out because I just changed insurance. Still depressed some from all the stress but just gotta get through week. Sorry for all the drama
Post birthday blues
Posted 10 months agoJust been having bad post birthday depression. To kick sand into me I knocked my CPAP off my nightstand and probably broke it. So likely terrible sleep for the next few days :(
Trying to study for an IT support certification. But depressed a little as probably should have done this 10 years ago
Middle age just got me sad and useless feeling as work has been rough and autism and ADHD has been hurting a lot.
Trying to study for an IT support certification. But depressed a little as probably should have done this 10 years ago
Middle age just got me sad and useless feeling as work has been rough and autism and ADHD has been hurting a lot.
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