~loup-garou

sleep is now a luxury

i love drawing naked people though *breathes heavily*

yeah i was going to remedy that soon but found out photoshop no longer works on my computer?? so i can't tweak my scans that in the raw look like shiiiiiiit. im pretty sure my computer is fucked b/c reinstalling/installing hasn't been working at all lately! so, a digital art block so to speak. if anyone knows anything about what might be going on feel free to advice meeee

but anyway hi :3

on an unrelated note last night i dreamed i went on a journalist expedition with anderson cooper and he told me the diabolical lies that is modern news media and we became best friends on a mission to spread truth throughout the land! then we played a game where he was my pet sea lion with a fake moustache :|

note: in real life i am completely indifferent to anderson cooper

tell me your wacky dreams!

im out of practice

be back later, when remedied

recommend any and all doom and or sludge metal bands to me please

things akin to ELECTRIC WIZARD and SLEEP or any metal that's heavy like a freight train

in addition: apologies for lack of artistic production, i love my low rung job as a cog in a national burrito machine but there is a distinct correlation between the number of free work burritos i consume and the time work consumes out of my life! also god damn you summer classes!

some creative output in the future hopefully!

FUCK YOU TOO LIFE


(Someone needs to beat me up for posting things at 5am, sleep deprived, feeling the after effects of both ungodly amounts of caffeine tablets and some FUN EMOTIONAL FUCKERY at the hands of a very special endless void of apathy. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. No but really I will regret this in approximately 2-7 hours. Hopefully this tumultous cocktail of UNBRIDLED URGES FOR VENGEANCE will eventually calm down into a brutal painting session like it did LAST TIME.)


I'm fine really.

NOT ASKING FOR AN INTERNET CODDLE SESSION. This misgiven LJ-ish rage purge is far superior to other things I would regret more so RAWRARARAR

COME RAGE WITH ME

In my caffeine induced state I wrote a long, rambling, anxiety-ridden livejournal-esque entry but instead have opted to ask if anyone is up and willing to exchange some words of the instant and textual variety?

I only have aim though because i am a nationalistic asshole or something. :c

aim: morepinklemons

this message will self-destruct...eventually. but in the mean time, don't be shy.

So I'm on spring break and my world is topsy turvey and I haven't been able to find the time to keep up with you guys but I'm trying to wade through all this amazing so I can come on out the other side. But damn guys. You are blowing me away even more-so than these spring whipwinds. It's like everyone of my watchers geared up and started pumping out AMAZING ART.

Hopefully I can tag behind on this rollicking rollercoaster after I finish up this required writing I have to do for my minicollege. And maybe if I get unaddicted to being with a certain individual too! Well, maybe not that.

And I know I'm probably making minimal sense right now but I swear to bob I am not compromised. And guess what guys, remember a few journals back I wanted to go to ART SCHOOL and a couple of you were kind enough to respond and give me some great advice. Well I got accepted at the American Academy of Art and I am more happy than an aquatic filter-feeder!

Stay fancy FA.

Goodnight my dear sweet Rattigan. My big mouse. My ratface. Rat fink. Little boobee. I'll miss your twitchy whisker face and the way you licked my fingertips. Those tiny little hands and how you never once bit my own. I saved you from snake food fate but you gave me more. I miss you. I'll miss you.

The only picture I have, taken this evening, with the anticipation of things to come. Rattigan. June 2007-March 2010

Things that drive me to tenderly weep into a kerchief:

When artists mysteriously pack up and leave in the night after DELETING EVERYTHING WITHOUT WARNING. Auuuugh. Perfectly within their right of course but..auuuuugh!

Also my spanish class.


On another note, I am afraid, afraid, to go look in my gallery to look for trends (i.e. weaknesses WEAKNESSES). One that I am thinking of in particular is that I don't do..characters interacting almost ever. There are some isolated pieces that come to mind..like three. Regardless, I need more INTERACTION. SOCIAL DYNAMIC. Which reminds me, can anyone recommend any movies with really good dialogue? Recently this is my favorite thing.

Another thing my gallery needs: CHICKS. CHICKS DAMMIT. Where are all the girls???

Hmm. Not as much rambling as I anticipated. Carry on.

AUGH

MY LIFE.

So I want to try to get into art school. Either Art Institute of Chicago or American Academy of Art.

But I don't know what a good portfolio should have in it. I feel pretty clueless about the whole thing and am afraid of looking foolish. Can anyone who has any experience with this help me figure out what I need to do?

Also if you are familiar with the schools I mentioned any and all opinions and feedback on them would be much appreciated as well.

Perhaps someone can help me with some musical related quests of mine?

Quest #1: Find more music along the lines of Queens of the Stone Age. Can anyone recommend any artists that sounds even vaguely familiar? (Note: I am already familiar with all things Josh Homme; I'm looking for unrelated artists with a similar vibe) I strongly encourage distorted, guttural guitar. This can definitely cross into the kinds of songs you only got from QOTSA on Songs for the Deaf (i.e. You Think I Ain't Worth A Dollar, But I Feel Like A Millionaire). In fact I would encourage that angle. Generally, things unrefined and nasty with grit and tooth. Hell, suggest any music you think has got that even if unlike QOTSA. Nighttime driving music and the like.

Quest #2: Music that sounds like 16 Horsepower. This may be a lost cause, because as far as I can tell, 16HP is unlike anything else out there, but maybe you can prove me wrong. Suggest anything that could be called dark bluegrass, or Gothic Appalachian. If you're familiar with O'Death, things like them would be appreciated too. Think along the lines of The Devil Went to Down to Georgia.

Quest #3: The most difficult one perhaps. I was recently introduced to some artist who I cannot for the life of me remember, given the circumstances being complicated by several factors. This is what I know: It was a male singer with a pretty raspy/gravelly voice, though not extremely deep, accompanied primarily by acoustic guitar. It sort of fits in that tragically beautiful category, and the guy who showed me him mentioned how his substantial drug use becomes evident through the timeline of his musical career as in you can identify periods when he's on a particular drug. Anyone have any inkling of who this might be?

Yep. Feel free to be pretty loose with these guidelines. I'd love any and all input.

EDIT: Now with a smattering of lanks because I can.

Longshot question: Are there any fuzzies here who are going/want to go to the DEVO concert in Chicago on November 12th?

This question is very much in the curiosity phase for the moment but who knows. NO ONE I KNOW LIKES DEVO. :c (Actually, I know one person 'round my parts who does but that's a different story. My question stands.)

No matter what, this opportunity cannot/will not be squandered!

OK so. I still feel really guilty about those damn drawings I owe people. But let me be frank, right now is a "bad time". I don't want to spill my guts to the uncaring internet but, I will say this: I am heartbroken right now.

Does that mean I can't bring myself to do a single piece of art? No. It means every damn piece of art I've done for the past month and a half or so has been vent art and every time I try anything other I end up drawing something I can't look at ever again.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorrysorrysorry.

I should have known this would happen. All of it.

I took an extra week off. Man did it feel good. I lived life. It was sweet. Still is believe it or not.

Free drawrings offer is now closed and I should get started on them soon. Seven is a perfect number so everyone who commented should end up getting one! I might be slow to the get going because of unforeseen circumstances but rest assured.

Canada was amazing by the by. c:

Mkay. So. This morning (in like a few hours god dammit I didn't sleep at all) I will be leaving for a trip to America's hat a.k.a. Canada. For one week I'll be wreaking havoc through the Canadian wilderness peeping at animals who forgot to draw their shades (this is for a class on animal behavior yep). Additionally, I will have no internet access so feel free to throw an internet party to celebrate my absence.

NOW TO BUSINESS. I have been waiting for school to finally end, to slog my way through finals and all that lot so I could BE FREE and draw some neato stuff. I have been so very very stressed and I just want to relax and art (in the verb sense). So when I get back from Canada I'm going to draw furiously and you can help! I'll draw you fine fuzzies a free sketch if you leave me a reference AND tell me what to make them doing.

Now there are stipulations, but I'll try to keep it pretty broad, because I want some interesting things to draw so I don't want to be stifling!

But here's some general things:
-preferably one character only (although like...one character..riding, say, and emu is fine...I wouldn't count that as two)
-please don't make me do sexy, flirty type things I typically hate them
-don't make it uber complicated, like necessitating lots of background or something
-make it bizarre/surreal/fun/borderline criminal!!!

I might note I really get a kick out of including random food, condiments, silly objects in drawings. Especially if it makes little sense. Just saying. Or like...if you know some of my musical inclinations (music making people that I like to draw, or you think I'd like to draw) and you have similar musical inclinations and would like to have something that incorporates that band, person, theme then that would be SPLENDID. [hints in gallery/icon/some image descriptions]

HOWEVER you are entitled to totally disregard these guidelines/suggestions if you come up with something really killer and it violates some of that fine print stuff up there. Hell, if you put down multiple ideas I'll pick which I like best.

I don't know how many people I'll get for this but realize I can't do this indefinitely so this isn't a binding contract or anything. I can't guarantee everyone who comments a free drawing. But I will try to do as many as I can! Also if there is like 628 comments (unlikely) but you think you have a super gnarly cool idea just try me! YOU NEVER KNOW

By the way this doesn't necessarily have to be your furry character as the subject. I just figure that this will most likely be the case. You could tell me to draw a generic whatever, just be a bit creative.

Ok you have ONE WHOLE WEEK to think up something cool! So when you do, drop me a comment on this journal with a ref or two. Or not. Or whatever!

I feel encapsulated.

Should be slightly mostly maybe gone. For now. For a bit. Maybe longer. An internet claustrophobia.

I'm annoyingly segmented and vague. It maybe something I can't fight. And that frightens me. I'm just going to cloister myself. The problem is what comes naturally and what comes as something others understand are two different things. I guess I could get away with it and say English is not my first language. And that is both true and untrue. You hold these two things seperate from each other and when the thing that defines becomes the thing that DEFINES it ruins your picture and you only get this little piece. Even yourself you only even get this little piece because you are taught, you understand it using this and nothing else but its a broken picture always.

I want to be done denying it for the sake of others but the things we build on are made of this. And only this. I never used to have a fear of it. It. I can't name it. I can't represent it out in these things.

I'm sorry if you get very little out of this. Or just don't at all. Get or out or very or little or this. It's not supposed to be built up or down. Sometimes I regret that it's not just a simple simple thing like you like it. Like we all like it. I don't like it this way it just is. Fighting it and not fighting is equally unfulfilling.

Alright this wasn't supposed to go here I just tore out some reels and reels of things like when you ruin a VHS. Did I do that. Probably.

Everything is ignorable and nothing is the exception so if you take anything from this I thank you. Thoughts can be more real than physicalities. And this comes from someone who lauds empirical empirical empirical.

Honesty is all I have. So oh just be honest and it will be fine is certainly a liars lie because I've seen otherwise and know otherwise and this is unwise. Right right right. I just want to shut up and shut out at the same junction.

Feeling stuck inside yourself and everything and it's just like piles and piles of stuff and you have nowhere to put it so you unwisely try to put it with the biggest pile of stuff you can find because you can. Dump it out there and just feel this pseudo-relief at having dumped it in this big big place.

What a joke.

I'm just suffocating for a minute here and not even with good cause, no drastic life event, nothing. Trying to unstick. And whilst trying to unstick I'm going to take out lots and lots of things and put them on paper using the means I have developed over the years. I probably won't show them to anything ever because they won't be pretty things that make sense, no they aren't. So just. I don't know. I can't express the frustrations, but they exist.

And now for a handy coping mechanism:
I really really like this song (not as much the video). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmBZG8hh078

And you can go HERE and have all these lovely lovely songs at no expense to yourself (by their sanctioning, no pirates aboard). It's a funny thing because indie doesn't usually do much for me. But this. Once it sinks in. Man. They need to be signed. And so I hope to give them the slightest sliver more of exposure. Oh so tiny but it's all I have.

In a bit of an artistic rut as it were. I'm hoping it will let up soon. In the mean time (a very mean time) I succumbed to but a humble meme. It's music related so I let it slid. It won't be a frequent occurrence I assure you.

---

Using only song titles from one artist, cleverly answer these questions.

Pick a band/artist: Queens of the Stone Age

1. Are you male or female: You Would Know

2. Describe yourself: Do It Again

3. How do you feel about yourself: The Sky Is Fallin'

4. Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend: If Only

5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: In My Head

6. Describe your current location: In the Fade

7. Describe where you want to be: I Think I Lost My Headache

8. Your best friend is: Better Living through Chemistry

9. Your favorite color is: Tangled Up in Plaid

10. You know that: No One Knows

11. What’s the weather like: Sick, Sick, Sick

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called? Auto Pilot

13. What is life to you: Like a Drug

14. What is the best advice you have to give: You Think I Ain't Worth a Dollar, But I Feel Like a Millionaire

15. If you could change your name what would you change it to: Regular John

---

There was much truth in this. Just call me Regular. *tips hat*

...I met expectations
that I was trying to ignore...

I found this video on youtube. You watching it would be a pretty cool thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms2klX-puUU

A quality animation. A quality story. Overall: Quality.

So uh. Those That Know Best have enacted some Right and Proper Prohibitions. Meaning my presence on various computational devices will be severely limited (officially barred completely). This notice is in effect immediately and will endure for an indeterminate amount of time. It's quite disheartening seeing as I had some digital arts waiting in the wings and they must now be put on hold. I may hijack the tubes occasionally through various means but I do not know to what extent that will be possible. So no nothing unless somehow I manage it.

That is all.

Last night, a long, arduous journey was made through the soupy remains of your typical winter precipitations. All-american style, the elements were braved in what are now sopping-wet, salt crusted and slightly more colorful (ow) chuck taylors. This endeavor, to a mecca of sorts.

My destination: The Lakeshore Theater.
My cause: a noble one. One of titanic proportions. No really. Check it out.

Along the way I passed this guy. Cue "holy shit was that who I thought it was" (it was in fact).

Upon arriving to the location (but not just yet the destination), I fidgeted around a bus stop for a few moments, trying to contain my excitement (yeah I'm real smooth like that...). Whilst in the process of trying to wipe the damn smirk off my face I see this fellow walk by smoking a cigarette. This time no doubts. Well so much for smirk removal now.

Entrance. Shuffling. Waiting. Smirking. Smirking. Smirking.
(Also included: monetary exchange for goooods)

Things started to happen; hilarity ensued.

But as they say, all good things must...stop abruptly leaving you with a horrible sense of loss. Ok so I exaggerate. But huzzah! There was still a fool of myself to be made! Maybe I'm still exaggerating though. I'm not sure. But there is nothing like meeting the people you've been idolizing for the past few months to strip you of all social graces. I used the word apotheosis. Bad move.

I can substitute black india ink for black watercolor, right? Cause I lost my black.

Usually I wouldn't ask and just go for it but I'm actually trying to do something with a little effort in it.

FACIAL LIKENESS WHY MUST YOU BE SO MERCILESS

[bong bong bong](SOL)

...we'd ever know each other
and new evidence is what we require, in this world

Personally applicable song lyrics make me laugh. No doubt we distort them to our own ends.

I guess I wanted to ask a question. One vaguely relevant to my last journal, but not quite.

So what happens when you get involved with someone on the internet and then they're unexpectedly gone for an extended length of time?

Just wait? Hire a private investigator? Admit you were a schmuck and move on?

I feel vulnerable posting this, but I could use some 'wisdom of the internet'. Shit, I need to go back to being impervious.

So do you guys remember  Capreolus ? I sorely miss his art and the introspective musings that accompanied it.

I don't want to be haphazardly morbid but his absence is quite disturbing. Part of me wants to believe he's set up some intricate social experiment. I mean if you look through his sacrifice series all the way through it's pretty easy to come to some more than concerning conclusions. It almost seems terribly intentional.

I despertly hope that I'm wrong and that he's just moved on to bigger and better things like he deserved but in the end, I fear dear Capreolus has finally severed all his ties.

EDIT [march 29th 2009]: I WAS WRONG! I WAS WRONG AND I'M ELATED ABOUT IT. Way to jump to conclusions. NOW SHUT IT OVERLY MORBID MIND.

(I kind of want to delete this journal now but that somehow seems wrong. Suffering at the hands of my own words. Living with it.)

Hide and seek.