New YCH Announcement
Posted 2 years agoA new YCH is up! YCH details are here, and also written below.
[NSFW] In His Bed
Price Reduced!
Examples: [x] [x] [x]
- Slot A: Male Only
- Slot B: Any Gender
Slot A Price: $35.00 USD
Slot B Price: $60.00 USD
Both Slots: $85.00 USD
Promo
$5.00 USD discount if your character is paired off with Alec or Lyla.
I reserve the right to refuse this offer if it does not align with the sexuality of my characters.
Custom Background: $10 - $15 depending on complexity.
Three Free Background Options: Lyla's Room, Alec's Room, and The Lab
Genitals can be changed, breast size can be changed, accessories and clothing can be added for an additional cost.
Any species. Any Gender for slot B. No extra limbs or wings. A fee may be added based on character complexity.
DM me to grab a slot!
You can also contact me on Telegram (@)DykeGrenadier or Discord Dyke Grenadier#3058YCH Announcement
Posted 4 years agoHey everyone! Happy new year and so on.
Just wanted to let everyone know I have a YCH up for sale!
If you're interested, check it out here!
Current Queue [YCH "Cowgirl"]:
1. Claimed by Rougelycan on Telegram.
Progress: Complete! [View Here]
2. Claimed by
Progress: Complete! [View Here]
Just wanted to let everyone know I have a YCH up for sale!
If you're interested, check it out here!
Current Queue [YCH "Cowgirl"]:
1. Claimed by Rougelycan on Telegram.
Progress: Complete! [View Here]
2. Claimed by
Progress: Complete! [View Here]
Tablet Fix [Update]
Posted 4 years agoThe sticker-making machine was old, and both of it's USB ports have decided it's time to stop working altogether. I'm hoping I can get my ancient Egyptian slab back up and running again, or at least get a replacement by the end of the month. That being said, I can only offer traditional commissions at the moment in terms of being able to deliver a product. I'm more than happy to accept any commissions that come my way, but do note that the wait will be a lot longer than usual. I'm super grateful to everyone who throws money at me to draw silly stuff, and I hope to continue to do more in the future, and possibly even offer .gif commissions again that are more than 5 frames in length.
Thanks for all your support. c:
Hey, so I got my tablet fixed. I'm back on my bullshit again. Bye.[Stream] Bad Movie Time with DrDubz!
Posted 5 years ago
and I are going to be watching a shittybad movie called Blood Freak.
Join us for pain, suffering, gore, and commentary as we struggle through this insufferable "cult classic".
Streaming LIVE on Twitch TV:
https://www.twitch.tv/dykegrenadier
Movie starts at 12pm Central Time.[STREAM: ONLINE]
Posted 6 years agoStill working on that secret santa thing.
I'm still open for commissions, check here for pricing and commission types.
Disregard commission slots, I'll take on anything at the moment.
https://picarto.tv/DykeGrenadier
https://picarto.tv/DykeGrenadier
https://picarto.tv/DykeGrenadier
GO GO GOANW 2018 [Meme]
Posted 6 years agoWhat hotel are you staying at?
Seattle Renaissance
Arrival/Departure
Arrival: Monday 11/5
Departure: Monday 11/12
Means of transportation?
Bus, Uber.
Are you sharing a room?
Yes. I'll be sharing a room with
Nullreff 
Kerberos669 
Talexis and many others.
Who do you hang out with?
My roommates as well as my awesome buddy
RyujiKimura
Relationship Status
I'm taken by
Anselmouse
I'm only available for NSA sex with cis women.
How old are you?
25
How tall are you?
5'7"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
Sort of.
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Of course I do! You can see more information on my commissions tab here.
Do you do trades?
Yes I do!
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yes.
Will you be performing?
I won't be performing, but I will be hosting a panel.
How To Commission Artists and Establish a Good Business Relationship
Friday Night at 5:30pm
Attending parties?
Potentially.
Do you drink?
Yes. c:
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes. c:
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
Possibly. I'll definitely be at my own panel...
How do I identify my self to you?
Show me your badge, lemme know who you are on FA or Telegram.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Ask before touching.
If I'm fursuiting, hugging and touching is a-okay!
How can I find you?
Quote me on Telegram, or shoot me a note here.
Alternatively, you can just look in main theater at night during the setup nights, but I'll more than likely be busy.
Can I talk to you?
Yes! I am always open to making new friends!
Can I give you lots of money?
Of course?
Can I give you stuff?
Yes c:
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
In suit: yes!
Out of suit: Friends only, sorry.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Only if you're paying c;
Can I hang out with you?
If you're my friend, yeah. Otherwise, I might not be to keen to hanging out with randos.
Can I take your picture?
Please do! Also if you could send pictures to me, or shoot them at my twitter, that would make me super happy.
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I won't be around. If I'm busy, I'll more than likely be in main theater or secondary theater setting up/tearing down.
Personality Type?
ISTJ
Or at least, I still think I am.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Hang out with friends, bury myself in volunteer work, and eat so much delicious Asian food.
Seattle Renaissance
Arrival/Departure
Arrival: Monday 11/5
Departure: Monday 11/12
Means of transportation?
Bus, Uber.
Are you sharing a room?
Yes. I'll be sharing a room with
Nullreff Kerberos669 Talexis and many others.Who do you hang out with?
My roommates as well as my awesome buddy
RyujiKimuraRelationship Status
I'm taken by
AnselmouseI'm only available for NSA sex with cis women.
How old are you?
25
How tall are you?
5'7"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
Sort of.
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Of course I do! You can see more information on my commissions tab here.
Do you do trades?
Yes I do!
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yes.
Will you be performing?
I won't be performing, but I will be hosting a panel.
How To Commission Artists and Establish a Good Business Relationship
Friday Night at 5:30pm
Attending parties?
Potentially.
Do you drink?
Yes. c:
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes. c:
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
Possibly. I'll definitely be at my own panel...
How do I identify my self to you?
Show me your badge, lemme know who you are on FA or Telegram.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Ask before touching.
If I'm fursuiting, hugging and touching is a-okay!
How can I find you?
Quote me on Telegram, or shoot me a note here.
Alternatively, you can just look in main theater at night during the setup nights, but I'll more than likely be busy.
Can I talk to you?
Yes! I am always open to making new friends!
Can I give you lots of money?
Of course?
Can I give you stuff?
Yes c:
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
In suit: yes!
Out of suit: Friends only, sorry.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Only if you're paying c;
Can I hang out with you?
If you're my friend, yeah. Otherwise, I might not be to keen to hanging out with randos.
Can I take your picture?
Please do! Also if you could send pictures to me, or shoot them at my twitter, that would make me super happy.
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I won't be around. If I'm busy, I'll more than likely be in main theater or secondary theater setting up/tearing down.
Personality Type?
ISTJ
Or at least, I still think I am.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Hang out with friends, bury myself in volunteer work, and eat so much delicious Asian food.
Hey
Posted 6 years agoCan you not?
c:Confuzzled 2018! [Meme Stuff]
Posted 6 years agoWhat hotel are you staying at?
Hilton Birmingham Metropole! Con hotel! Woo woo!
Arrival/Departure
Arrival: Thursday
Departure: Wednesday
Means of transportation?
Feet, primarily. I don't know if I'll actually explore London proper or not.
Are you sharing a room?
Yes! DrDubz is my room buddy!
Who do you hang out with?
drdubz 
cheetahobscura and a few others.
Also anyone who has talked to me in Telegram and wants to hang out c:
Relationship Status
I'm in an open relationship.
Only really looking to fool around with cis women at the moment.
How old are you?
25
How tall are you?
5'7"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
Yes. But only if you mean someone who converts shitposts into "art".
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Yep! I take commissions for dumb sketches and Telegram stickers!
Do you do trades?
Yes I do!
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yes.
Will you be performing?
Nope!
Attending parties?
I hope so!
Do you drink?
Yes. c:
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes. c:
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
I have no clue. We'll find out when a con schedule goes up.
How do I identify my self to you?
Show me your badge, lemme know who you are on FA or Telegram.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Ask before touching.
If I'm fursuiting, hugging and touching is a-okay!
How can I find you?
Quote me on Telegram, or send me a PM.
Can I talk to you?
Yes! I am always open to making new friends!
Can I give you lots of money?
Yes, please. I need it badly.
Can I give you stuff?
Yes c:
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
In suit: yes!
Out of suit: eh. Ask first.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Only if you're paying c;
Can I hang out with you?
Sure!
Can I take your picture?
Please do!
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I won't be around.
Personality Type?
ISTJ
Or at least, I still think I am.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Meet people I've known since joining the fandom, oggle pretty fursuits, snuggle some people, maybe find a cute girl to fool around with...
Also have fun! c:
Hilton Birmingham Metropole! Con hotel! Woo woo!
Arrival/Departure
Arrival: Thursday
Departure: Wednesday
Means of transportation?
Feet, primarily. I don't know if I'll actually explore London proper or not.
Are you sharing a room?
Yes!
DrDubz is my room buddy!Who do you hang out with?
drdubz cheetahobscura and a few others.Also anyone who has talked to me in Telegram and wants to hang out c:
Relationship Status
I'm in an open relationship.
Only really looking to fool around with cis women at the moment.
How old are you?
25
How tall are you?
5'7"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
Yes. But only if you mean someone who converts shitposts into "art".
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Yep! I take commissions for dumb sketches and Telegram stickers!
Do you do trades?
Yes I do!
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yes.
Will you be performing?
Nope!
Attending parties?
I hope so!
Do you drink?
Yes. c:
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes. c:
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
I have no clue. We'll find out when a con schedule goes up.
How do I identify my self to you?
Show me your badge, lemme know who you are on FA or Telegram.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Ask before touching.
If I'm fursuiting, hugging and touching is a-okay!
How can I find you?
Quote me on Telegram, or send me a PM.
Can I talk to you?
Yes! I am always open to making new friends!
Can I give you lots of money?
Yes, please. I need it badly.
Can I give you stuff?
Yes c:
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
In suit: yes!
Out of suit: eh. Ask first.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Only if you're paying c;
Can I hang out with you?
Sure!
Can I take your picture?
Please do!
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I won't be around.
Personality Type?
ISTJ
Or at least, I still think I am.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Meet people I've known since joining the fandom, oggle pretty fursuits, snuggle some people, maybe find a cute girl to fool around with...
Also have fun! c:
Update
Posted 7 years agoPWYW Commissions are still open.
I'm in Washington now, hooray.
I'm not going to any more cons this year.
I'm going to probably focus more on writing and art instead.
I've been told I should do writing commissions.
I don't know, what do you think?PWYW Commissions Open!
Posted 7 years agoCurrently, I have everything packed, including my tablet, so all other commission types are closed.
However, I do have all of my sketchbooks and pencils unpacked, and they will remain unpacked.
This means that I can continue to do PWYW commissions even when I'm on the road, and then I can clean them up later when I am more permanently situated.
PWYW commissions start at TWO DOLLARS, and the more you pay, the higher quality the sketch!
Hell, if you pay the same amount as any of my other commission types, I'll upgrade it for no extra charge and mail the original traditional sketch to you at no extra cost.
Once I get home digital upgrades can happen, so if you get a commission that's the same price as a digital one, please be patient.
If you're interested, comment here or shoot me a note.[MEME] BLFC 2017 [Updated]
Posted 7 years agoWhat hotel are you staying at?
Arrival/Departure
Arrival: Wednesday Night
Departure: Tuesday Morning
Means of transportation?
Feet. Maybe uber.
Are you sharing a room?
Yes! This year, I'm rooming with:
Who do you hang out with?
Also anyone I've talked to in the Telegram chats. c:
Relationship Status
Single and ready to flamingle.
How old are you?
24
How tall are you?
5'7"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
Sure, we'll call what I make "art".
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Nope, but I might do a freebie for you if I'm in the mood.
Do you do trades?
Yep, but I can't guarantee it'll ever be completed.
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yes.
Will you be performing?
Nope!
Attending parties?
LOLYES.
Do you drink?
Yes. c:
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes. c:
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
Probably. Not going to post which ones I'm going to because I might miss them.
How do I identify my self to you?
Show me your badge, lemme know who you are on FA or Telegram.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
If I touch you, it's okay to touch me.
While in suit, I could care less if people get handsy.
How can I find you?
TELEGRAM~
I usually always have my phone on me!
Can I talk to you?
Yes! I am always open to making new friends!
Can I give you lots of money?
Yes, please. I need it badly.
Can I give you stuff?
What kind of stuff?
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Only when in suit.
When out of suit, it depends. Probably yes, if you've showered that day.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Probably not, unless you whisk me away to buy an intimate dinner.
I'll probably be eating with friends the entire con.
Can I hang out with you?
Sure!
Can I take your picture?
Please do!
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I'll be free most of con.
If I'm angry or upset, I'll probably be in my room.
Personality Type?
ISTJ
Or at least, I still think I am.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Have fun, ofc.
Arrival/Departure
Arrival: Wednesday Night
Departure: Tuesday Morning
Means of transportation?
Feet. Maybe uber.
Are you sharing a room?
Yes! This year, I'm rooming with:
Who do you hang out with?
Also anyone I've talked to in the Telegram chats. c:
Relationship Status
Single and ready to flamingle.
How old are you?
24
How tall are you?
5'7"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
Sure, we'll call what I make "art".
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Nope, but I might do a freebie for you if I'm in the mood.
Do you do trades?
Yep, but I can't guarantee it'll ever be completed.
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yes.
Will you be performing?
Nope!
Attending parties?
LOLYES.
Do you drink?
Yes. c:
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes. c:
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
Probably. Not going to post which ones I'm going to because I might miss them.
How do I identify my self to you?
Show me your badge, lemme know who you are on FA or Telegram.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
If I touch you, it's okay to touch me.
While in suit, I could care less if people get handsy.
How can I find you?
TELEGRAM~
I usually always have my phone on me!
Can I talk to you?
Yes! I am always open to making new friends!
Can I give you lots of money?
Yes, please. I need it badly.
Can I give you stuff?
What kind of stuff?
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Only when in suit.
When out of suit, it depends. Probably yes, if you've showered that day.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Probably not, unless you whisk me away to buy an intimate dinner.
I'll probably be eating with friends the entire con.
Can I hang out with you?
Sure!
Can I take your picture?
Please do!
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I'll be free most of con.
If I'm angry or upset, I'll probably be in my room.
Personality Type?
ISTJ
Or at least, I still think I am.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Have fun, ofc.
[Feel Dump]
Posted 7 years agoAlright, so... I think I'm gonna get a little personal, a little real, a little... Feely here. It's been awhile since I mentioned it, and I wanna talk about it: Relationships and me, specifically long-term ones where you actually think you're in love and all that crap. I've been thinking about it with a little more frequency lately (much to my annoyance), and honestly, I'm sick of having feelings about it.
Some of you know that I used to have a long-distance, long-term significant other. He was my best friend, my confidant, the missing link, all that jazz. He was everything to me except for physically there. By the time I realized that I didn't love him anymore, we had been (more or less) together for three, going on four, years. I'm not a long-term commitment person when it comes to other people. Longest relationship I have ever been in has lasted a month, or ten days spanned over the course of a few months. I'm not really good at trying, or keeping contact with other people. I'd downright awful at maintaining friendships (which is something I've been getting better at lately, but I still struggle like a fish out of water), and even worse at keeping interest in a person "romantically" (crushes feel like they don't count as a romantic feeling anymore) for more than a week or as soon as this horrible case of shallowness kicks in where I can't seem to look past my perceptive partner's looks or certain behaviors that drive me nutty because they make me cringe when I know I sure as hell do those exact same things or things very similar to the behavior that is making me wince and keeping me from being wholeheartedly attracted to this person. I.E. Four years is a big fucking deal, okay.
This shit's gonna be all over the place, bear with me here. I don't think I really, like "loved" anyone outside of obligatory familial love before. I've had crushes and instantaneous attraction at first sight before, I've had a one night stand or two, I remember all the names of all (three) of my previous boyfriends (as well as my much-more-than-three sexual partners), but maybe that's because I'm secretly a sentimental sadsack who tends to like catalog memories and shove them into a mental scrapbook to make me all weepy later when shit (inevitably) hits the fan. I am sure of one thing, though. I loved Matt. I loved him to bits. We had great times, he was a super supportive friend when I was in treatment, and he was passionate about what he loved doing, and I always looked forward to his Skype calls that would last anywhere between three and eighteen hours. He was the perfect combination of "a nice guy" and an independent person with their own life and interests and stuff. I'm sad I could never be a part of all of that in person - if only for a minute, just to bask in that wonderfully awkward feeling that is meeting someone from the IN-TER-NET and finding that they are, still, in fact, your soulmate - due to the distance, personal complications, and the fact I was too emotionally immature and shitty and lazy to find a fucking job in which to make money in which to go to Australia to see him.
Thanks to him, I know what it's like to fall in love, be in love, and fall out of love. He went through some personal issues (which I won't disclose here, they're pretty personal to him), and I realized that he'd changed. Not in a bad way, but not in the way I would imagine. It was all of a sudden, but still oh-so-gradual. It kicked my fucking ass when I came to that realization and decided to call it quits. It still kicks my ass that I was the one to break up with him. It makes me all sad and shit whenever I think about him because we no longer talk anymore. We haven't since that last conversation. I don't know if he even still wants to talk to me, and visa versa. I feel like hormones and sentiment are clouding my better judgement with all that, so I keep my distance, like I always do. I don't look at anything pertaining or relating to him, and for the most part, he was pretty easy to remove from my life altogether. Nothing but memories in the form of magazine clippings in my mental scrapbook. Bah, I'm talking in circles.
I feel like the above paragraphs explain so much and so little about the way I am, the reason I don't want to be in any sort of commitment, the logic behind why I refuse anything long-distance unless it's obtainable... I appreciate my person, I really do, but I don't know if I'll every love him the way that he adores and dotes on me. Some days I feel like a right ass, like I'm stringing him along for a ride that ends with his feelings crushed under an apathetic boot heel because of my inability to feel anything deeper when I'm not a hot, hormonal, squishy-pantsed mess like I am now.
It's been five fucking years, but I've now built so many defense mechanisms that distance me from people that want to be more than friends. I still want to keep those walls intact, and keep my electrified, barbed-wire fences raised, for some reason or another. I don't know why.
I've found, however, that having a group of friends, no matter how big or small, is just what I needed to fill the lonely hole in my "metaphorical" chest and make me feel happy and content and excited to continue living life and doing things. I've found things to be passionate about, which improves the quality of my life. I've burrowed deeper into a trash fandom with trash people who acknowledge my very own trashiness, and it's a liberating feeling. I love being a furry - there are some times when the fandom isn't as awesome as it could be, and some instances where I walk into a chatroom and realize it's a faggoty hugbox where the word dyke is banned - but for the most part, I've never found a place that fit me in with such a wide assortment of people perfectly before like this. It makes me excited for conventions, it makes me excited for planning things with my furry friends, it keeps me from feeling discouraged when I go out suiting and someone screams from their truck "what the fuck are you wearing". The fandom has also helped me break down those walls that my teenage years had built up all around me with an unspoken "no touching" rule. I really appreciate all of the non-creepy, platonic hugs I get, as well as all the other sorts of platonic, non-creepy touches I get. It's great, and I don't feel as emotionally isolated anymore.
As for life in the here and now: I have a goal of becoming popular/well-known in the fandom. I'm probably going to do it the hardest way possible and try to become friends with everyone I meet who I think is super cool or chill or even just has a talent that I admire or would like to have. I don't want to be one of those popufurs who forget that it was their friends who helped then step up and become well known, or one of those artists who fuck people out of things all the time and get away with it because of their status. Nothing like that. Never like that. I'm too honest - even if my honesty is like sand. Coarse. Abrasive. Irritating.
I'll be moving to Washington at the end of August. I'm both excited and nervous about it. I've never really lived in a big city, nor have I had any good experiences with roommates, but I'm willing to give all of this a try. I've got to learn how to be an independent, functioning adult, dammit. I hope to make some more friends between then and now, and do as much fun stuff as my body and schedule will allow with all the cool people I meet.
Okay, time to cut this off because I've got to go to bed sometime tonight instead of ranting in circles about life and love and all of that touchy-feely contradictory bullshit.
End feels-dump. Resume robotic affect.
Some of you know that I used to have a long-distance, long-term significant other. He was my best friend, my confidant, the missing link, all that jazz. He was everything to me except for physically there. By the time I realized that I didn't love him anymore, we had been (more or less) together for three, going on four, years. I'm not a long-term commitment person when it comes to other people. Longest relationship I have ever been in has lasted a month, or ten days spanned over the course of a few months. I'm not really good at trying, or keeping contact with other people. I'd downright awful at maintaining friendships (which is something I've been getting better at lately, but I still struggle like a fish out of water), and even worse at keeping interest in a person "romantically" (crushes feel like they don't count as a romantic feeling anymore) for more than a week or as soon as this horrible case of shallowness kicks in where I can't seem to look past my perceptive partner's looks or certain behaviors that drive me nutty because they make me cringe when I know I sure as hell do those exact same things or things very similar to the behavior that is making me wince and keeping me from being wholeheartedly attracted to this person. I.E. Four years is a big fucking deal, okay.
This shit's gonna be all over the place, bear with me here. I don't think I really, like "loved" anyone outside of obligatory familial love before. I've had crushes and instantaneous attraction at first sight before, I've had a one night stand or two, I remember all the names of all (three) of my previous boyfriends (as well as my much-more-than-three sexual partners), but maybe that's because I'm secretly a sentimental sadsack who tends to like catalog memories and shove them into a mental scrapbook to make me all weepy later when shit (inevitably) hits the fan. I am sure of one thing, though. I loved Matt. I loved him to bits. We had great times, he was a super supportive friend when I was in treatment, and he was passionate about what he loved doing, and I always looked forward to his Skype calls that would last anywhere between three and eighteen hours. He was the perfect combination of "a nice guy" and an independent person with their own life and interests and stuff. I'm sad I could never be a part of all of that in person - if only for a minute, just to bask in that wonderfully awkward feeling that is meeting someone from the IN-TER-NET and finding that they are, still, in fact, your soulmate - due to the distance, personal complications, and the fact I was too emotionally immature and shitty and lazy to find a fucking job in which to make money in which to go to Australia to see him.
Thanks to him, I know what it's like to fall in love, be in love, and fall out of love. He went through some personal issues (which I won't disclose here, they're pretty personal to him), and I realized that he'd changed. Not in a bad way, but not in the way I would imagine. It was all of a sudden, but still oh-so-gradual. It kicked my fucking ass when I came to that realization and decided to call it quits. It still kicks my ass that I was the one to break up with him. It makes me all sad and shit whenever I think about him because we no longer talk anymore. We haven't since that last conversation. I don't know if he even still wants to talk to me, and visa versa. I feel like hormones and sentiment are clouding my better judgement with all that, so I keep my distance, like I always do. I don't look at anything pertaining or relating to him, and for the most part, he was pretty easy to remove from my life altogether. Nothing but memories in the form of magazine clippings in my mental scrapbook. Bah, I'm talking in circles.
I feel like the above paragraphs explain so much and so little about the way I am, the reason I don't want to be in any sort of commitment, the logic behind why I refuse anything long-distance unless it's obtainable... I appreciate my person, I really do, but I don't know if I'll every love him the way that he adores and dotes on me. Some days I feel like a right ass, like I'm stringing him along for a ride that ends with his feelings crushed under an apathetic boot heel because of my inability to feel anything deeper when I'm not a hot, hormonal, squishy-pantsed mess like I am now.
It's been five fucking years, but I've now built so many defense mechanisms that distance me from people that want to be more than friends. I still want to keep those walls intact, and keep my electrified, barbed-wire fences raised, for some reason or another. I don't know why.
I've found, however, that having a group of friends, no matter how big or small, is just what I needed to fill the lonely hole in my "metaphorical" chest and make me feel happy and content and excited to continue living life and doing things. I've found things to be passionate about, which improves the quality of my life. I've burrowed deeper into a trash fandom with trash people who acknowledge my very own trashiness, and it's a liberating feeling. I love being a furry - there are some times when the fandom isn't as awesome as it could be, and some instances where I walk into a chatroom and realize it's a faggoty hugbox where the word dyke is banned - but for the most part, I've never found a place that fit me in with such a wide assortment of people perfectly before like this. It makes me excited for conventions, it makes me excited for planning things with my furry friends, it keeps me from feeling discouraged when I go out suiting and someone screams from their truck "what the fuck are you wearing". The fandom has also helped me break down those walls that my teenage years had built up all around me with an unspoken "no touching" rule. I really appreciate all of the non-creepy, platonic hugs I get, as well as all the other sorts of platonic, non-creepy touches I get. It's great, and I don't feel as emotionally isolated anymore.
As for life in the here and now: I have a goal of becoming popular/well-known in the fandom. I'm probably going to do it the hardest way possible and try to become friends with everyone I meet who I think is super cool or chill or even just has a talent that I admire or would like to have. I don't want to be one of those popufurs who forget that it was their friends who helped then step up and become well known, or one of those artists who fuck people out of things all the time and get away with it because of their status. Nothing like that. Never like that. I'm too honest - even if my honesty is like sand. Coarse. Abrasive. Irritating.
I'll be moving to Washington at the end of August. I'm both excited and nervous about it. I've never really lived in a big city, nor have I had any good experiences with roommates, but I'm willing to give all of this a try. I've got to learn how to be an independent, functioning adult, dammit. I hope to make some more friends between then and now, and do as much fun stuff as my body and schedule will allow with all the cool people I meet.
Okay, time to cut this off because I've got to go to bed sometime tonight instead of ranting in circles about life and love and all of that touchy-feely contradictory bullshit.
End feels-dump. Resume robotic affect.
[2017] Goals & Con Appearances [EDITED 6/6]
Posted 8 years agoDone with cons now. November is when I'll be doing more things.
Until then, time to bust my ass raw with work and side jobs.
Goals:
Get flat, yo. Like, deny those thighs, and get that flat stomach I've always wanted.
Gotta get dat gym membership.
Take more time out of my day/life to actually fucking practice drawing.
So far, I only draw once a month, but that's more than once every three to six months, so... It's something.
I'll add more later, I guess. Maybe.
CON APPEARANCES AND SPECIAL THINGS:
I'll be in Seattle from January 5th to January 8th.
-I'll be kind of... Indisposed on the 5th, but the rest of the time I'm free. c:
-Evening of the 6th is a Perturbator concert. I'm going to that shit. You can't stop me.
I'm visiting Seattle AGAIN on March 16th until the morning of the 21st.
-17th is another day of unavailability.
-Evening of the 20th is Carpenter Brut. Yay! More Synthwave. c:
Perturbator is coming back September 8th.
Super stoked for that.
Can't wait to be shoved around and gargle someone's stupid long hair.
Con Appearances:
Furlandia 2017:
-I'll be on logistics staff. You need shit moved? I lift, bro.
-I am running a dramatic reading panel! It's 18 , because we'll be reading smut. Bad smut. c:
BLFC 2017:
-I'll be at this con. Don't what what I'll be doing though.
Anthro Northwest:
-Probably will be volunteering.
-Hooray, more fun con stuff!
MFF 2017:
-Maybe. Hopefully.
-In the meanwhile, how about dat cancelled-con?
MOVING. TO. WASHINGTON.
AUGUST 4TH, 2017.
WOO WOO.
Okay, that's about it. I'll probably add more or edit this shit later. Thanks for reading, bye!HEY. HEY. HEY.
Posted 8 years agoKAZOOS AND HARMONICAS SHOULD HAVE A FREAK BABY THAT MAKES THE BEST NOISES WHEN YOU BLOW INTO IT.
AND THEN EVERYONE SHOULD MAKE COVERS OF AMAZING SONGS AND/OR MOVIE SCORES WITH THIS AMAZING CONTRAPTION FOR MY SHEER ENJOYMENT.
...That is all.
AND THEN EVERYONE SHOULD MAKE COVERS OF AMAZING SONGS AND/OR MOVIE SCORES WITH THIS AMAZING CONTRAPTION FOR MY SHEER ENJOYMENT.
...That is all.
I feel a need to start RPing again
Posted 8 years ago...To be frank, I've never tried finding a partner on FA, like, ever.
I need to get better at writing, so I'm looking for someone to kind of help me out in that respect.
So... Years ago I would consider myself "semi-advanced-literate", but now, I think I'm just "mostly literate".
When my writing boner peaks, I can write around ten chunky paragraphs per post, but lately I've gotten more and more lazy, and google docs roleplaying hasn't really helped in that regard.
So yeah, anyone wanna try roleplaying with a writing snob to help them get better at writing as a whole?
I've got a few characters I'd like to develop, I'm a lonely sadsack, so I like romance subplots, and I tend to prefer male characters.
I generally don't like roleplaying as any of my furry characters/sonas, but if I like you enough, I may reconsider.
...So yeah. Stuff.Everything Sucks
Posted 8 years ago...But that's okay.
c:RMFC 2016 Meme Machine Thing
Posted 8 years agoLet's copypasta more crap from two journals ago, shall we?
AR EM EFF CEE 2K16
What hotel are you staying at?
Crowne Plaza Denver International Airport
Arrival/Departure
Thursday Afternoon / Tuesday Morning
Means of transportation?
Plane, maybe a car.
Are you sharing a room?
Nullreff Kerberos669 
simpl1 
Hanmonster and 
stripetail
Who do you hang out with?
Null, Kerbs, and probably Simpl
Also
shenba and 
toyco!
Relationship Status
In a morgue, with my sex life.
How old are you?
23
How tall are you?
5'8"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
I draw poorly. I also write.
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Nope
Do you do trades?
Nope. If I like you enough, I'll draw something for you, though.
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yep.
Will you be performing?
Only sexually, if you'll have me.
Attending parties?
Probably.
Do you drink?
Mos def.
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes please.
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
Sure:
Clowder of Cats
Single Furry Mingle
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Fursuit Parade
Cocktail Party
Killer Cards Against Humanity Lagoon
...I'll also be watching the dance contest.
Also, you'll probably see me attention whoring myself at kareoke.
How do I identify my self to you?
Tell me your FA name, and maybe let me know if we've talked on Pounced or Chatzy or something.
Either that or yell "oi, slut" across the room.
"Hey, I'm one of those people who kept posting their dick in the RMFC NSFW chatroom!"
"I drew you some art."
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Ask first.
I'll probably be very touchy feely and huggy this time around, though.
How can I find you?
Try the pool, bar, dealer's den, any of the events I listed above, or the dances/raves.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah, sure. I'm probably going to be lonely as fuck.
Can I give you lots of money?
I mean, you can, and I'll accept it, but I'm not gonna do anything for it.
If I wanted to work for cash, I wouldn't be at a con.
Can I give you stuff?
Oh yes prs.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs, sure. Especially when I'm in suit.
Snuggles, ask first, unless I'm in suit, then yeah, sure, go for it.
Can I come to dinner with you?
You buying?
Can I hang out with you?
Sure.
Can I take your picture?
Sure.
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I have resting sad face when I'm alone.
If I'm not looking to be social, chances are I won't be around.
Personality Type?
ISTJ, prepare yourself to be insulted.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Meet people, have a good time, make good choices.
AR EM EFF CEE 2K16
What hotel are you staying at?
Crowne Plaza Denver International Airport
Arrival/Departure
Thursday Afternoon / Tuesday Morning
Means of transportation?
Plane, maybe a car.
Are you sharing a room?
Nullreff Kerberos669 simpl1 Hanmonster and stripetailWho do you hang out with?
Null, Kerbs, and probably Simpl
Also
shenba and toyco!Relationship Status
In a morgue, with my sex life.
How old are you?
23
How tall are you?
5'8"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
I draw poorly. I also write.
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Nope
Do you do trades?
Nope. If I like you enough, I'll draw something for you, though.
Are you a Fursuiter?
Yep.
Will you be performing?
Only sexually, if you'll have me.
Attending parties?
Probably.
Do you drink?
Mos def.
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes please.
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
Sure:
Clowder of Cats
Single Furry Mingle
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Fursuit Parade
Cocktail Party
Killer Cards Against Humanity Lagoon
...I'll also be watching the dance contest.
Also, you'll probably see me attention whoring myself at kareoke.
How do I identify my self to you?
Tell me your FA name, and maybe let me know if we've talked on Pounced or Chatzy or something.
Either that or yell "oi, slut" across the room.
"Hey, I'm one of those people who kept posting their dick in the RMFC NSFW chatroom!"
"I drew you some art."
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Ask first.
I'll probably be very touchy feely and huggy this time around, though.
How can I find you?
Try the pool, bar, dealer's den, any of the events I listed above, or the dances/raves.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah, sure. I'm probably going to be lonely as fuck.
Can I give you lots of money?
I mean, you can, and I'll accept it, but I'm not gonna do anything for it.
If I wanted to work for cash, I wouldn't be at a con.
Can I give you stuff?
Oh yes prs.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs, sure. Especially when I'm in suit.
Snuggles, ask first, unless I'm in suit, then yeah, sure, go for it.
Can I come to dinner with you?
You buying?
Can I hang out with you?
Sure.
Can I take your picture?
Sure.
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I have resting sad face when I'm alone.
If I'm not looking to be social, chances are I won't be around.
Personality Type?
ISTJ, prepare yourself to be insulted.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Meet people, have a good time, make good choices.
Today I Plane
Posted 8 years agoMuch tire. Very flight. So excite. Wow.
It's 4am, and I'm on my way to Portland for Furlandia.
Yay.
I look forward to going full retard around you guise.SHAMELESS COPYPASTA FL 2016
Posted 8 years agoWhat hotel are you staying at?
Some hotel near the airport / Portland Sheraton Airport Hotel
Arrival/Departure
Wednesday afternoon / Monday afternoon
Means of transportation?
Planes, [strike]trains[/strike], and automobiles.
Are you sharing a room?
Who do you hang out with?
Hopefully, someone I know. :c
Relationship Status
I have a fuckbuddy, but I'm totally single and ready to mingle.
How old are you?
23
How tall are you?
5'8"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
I draw poorly. I also write.
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Nope
Do you do trades?
Nope. If I like you enough, I'll draw something for you, though.
Are you a Fursuiter?
I have a partial, so I guess that counts.
Will you be performing?
Only sexually, if you'll have me.
Attending parties?
Probably.
Do you drink?
Mos def.
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes please.
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
I have no fucking clue.
How do I identify my self to you?
Tell me your FA name, and maybe let me know if we've talked on Pounced or Chatzy or something.
Either that or yell "oi, slut" across the room.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Please don't touch me. Like. At all.
If I want to make contact, I will ask you.
How can I find you?
Uh... Try the bar, maybe.
Or the rave thing when Kerbs and Nullreff are performing.
Maybe the theater.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah, sure. I'm probably going to be lonely as fuck.
Can I give you lots of money?
I mean, you can, and I'll accept it, but I'm not gonna do anything for it.
If I wanted to work for cash, I wouldn't be at a con.
Can I give you stuff?
Oh yes prs.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
See the "rules of engagement" question above.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Only if it's k with my friends if they're coming too.
Can I hang out with you?
Sure.
Can I take your picture?
Sure.
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I just won't be around. c:
Just know that when I'm by myself, I always look kind of sad.
Personality Type?
ISTJ, prepare yourself to be insulted.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Get laid, get paid, Gatorade.
Mainly, though, it's to hang out with my friends, but I have slim hopes that will happen. :c
Some hotel near the airport / Portland Sheraton Airport Hotel
Arrival/Departure
Wednesday afternoon / Monday afternoon
Means of transportation?
Planes, [strike]trains[/strike], and automobiles.
Are you sharing a room?
Who do you hang out with?
Hopefully, someone I know. :c
Relationship Status
I have a fuckbuddy, but I'm totally single and ready to mingle.
How old are you?
23
How tall are you?
5'8"
Gender?
Female
Are you an Artist?
I draw poorly. I also write.
Do you have an artist table?
Nope
Do you take commissions?
Nope
Do you do trades?
Nope. If I like you enough, I'll draw something for you, though.
Are you a Fursuiter?
I have a partial, so I guess that counts.
Will you be performing?
Only sexually, if you'll have me.
Attending parties?
Probably.
Do you drink?
Mos def.
Can I buy you a drink?
Yes please.
Do you smoke?
No.
Are you attending any panels?
I have no fucking clue.
How do I identify my self to you?
Tell me your FA name, and maybe let me know if we've talked on Pounced or Chatzy or something.
Either that or yell "oi, slut" across the room.
Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
Please don't touch me. Like. At all.
If I want to make contact, I will ask you.
How can I find you?
Uh... Try the bar, maybe.
Or the rave thing when Kerbs and Nullreff are performing.
Maybe the theater.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah, sure. I'm probably going to be lonely as fuck.
Can I give you lots of money?
I mean, you can, and I'll accept it, but I'm not gonna do anything for it.
If I wanted to work for cash, I wouldn't be at a con.
Can I give you stuff?
Oh yes prs.
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
See the "rules of engagement" question above.
Can I come to dinner with you?
Only if it's k with my friends if they're coming too.
Can I hang out with you?
Sure.
Can I take your picture?
Sure.
How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I just won't be around. c:
Just know that when I'm by myself, I always look kind of sad.
Personality Type?
ISTJ, prepare yourself to be insulted.
What's your goal for the con this year?
Get laid, get paid, Gatorade.
Mainly, though, it's to hang out with my friends, but I have slim hopes that will happen. :c
Sup watchers.
Posted 9 years agoI'm almost at fifty watchers.
Wow. Awesome. Thanks, you guys.
I don't even think I have that many on Deviantart, and I've been on there twice as long as here.
Maybe longer.
Anyway, I'm currently closing my commissions due to lack of interest.
If you want art, you can note me and we can come to an agreement or something.
Onto other shit:
Birthday is soon. Hooray. I'll be 23.
I've organized all of my submissions into the neat-o little gallery folder feature that's FINALLY been implemented.
I'm on Pounced, Furgather, and I've been to a convention and met other furries in real life.
Hell, I host a lot of events for the Juneau branch of the "Alaska" furries group.
(I put that in quotations because it's mostly Anchorage furries there, but who gives a shit?)
Um... I don't know how many people actually read journals, let alone mine, so I guess that's all for now.
Cool cool.COMMISSIONS [CLOSED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST]
Posted 9 years agoCommission types are listed in my commissions tab here: [Link]
Please note me with the form below.
Name:
PayPal: (for invoice)
References: (written or picture, doesn't matter)
Commission Type:
Other Details: (pose you want, how many characters, nit-picky nonsense, stream or no stream, etc.)
SLOTS:
1. OPEN
2. OPEN
3. OPEN
4. OPEN
5. OPEN
If you have any questions, just plop 'em in the comments here, and I'll be happy to answer them.
B-be gentle senpai... I-it's my first time.
Well, okay. Whatever. I'll go back to my real job.SIGNAL BOOST
Posted 9 years agoI don't normally do these, but when I do...
Well, let's not get into the reasoning why I signal boost people - which I almost never do, anyway.
There's this chick who needs money for used textbooks for college and stuff, and a majority of my watchers know about how that all goes. So... Let's help a fellow fur out and whatnot.
has kind of been struggling to get commissioners lately because of one of those furs, but she's a pretty chill chick who makes cute little badges and drawings and stuff. I don't know about you, but I like the badges, personally. Throw her a couple of bucks, share the wealth, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc.
So yeah, this is me using my limited influence to help others. Isn't it great?I WILL BE AT A CONVENTION
Posted 9 years agoA-KON 2015.
PEPPER YOUR ANGUS.
If any of you are from Dallas, or will be going to said con, lemme know. Note me or something.
I wanna see how many other people I can suit with at the con.Body Horror
Posted 9 years agoThat moment when you have fucked-up dreams before waking up, and the only reaction you have is: "Intriguing."
A few mornings back, I had a dream of two very, very detailed body horrors. First off, there was a younger woman who was crying at a desk, writing a letter, and a few minutes later, she had grown a Siamese twin that was already dead.
Next, we have an older guy in his early fifties, wearing a flannel shirt and looking generally happy and carefree, even though he had three newborn children protruding from his chest from the belly-button up. Their bodies (that you could see, since it's just torso, arms, and head with these protrusions) were covered in large, gray lumps that, when you looked at it closer, were a bunch of smaller heads. The babies were crying nonstop. The heads remained expressionless, stuck in a state of permanent sleep.
Hi. Someone draw this for me, because it's fucking horrifying to everyone else.I am Birthday
Posted 10 years agoBirthday today. Woop woop.
Update of free art shit: I've been too lazy/busy to work on them, so super hardcore apologies.
To those who actually want to see more art uploaded: soon. I have to utilize the scanner for that bullshit. I've been sketching like mad. There's a new fursona in the works, and I want him to be perfec.
Um... Other than that, free icon que has been the same. I promise you guys will get them by the end of this year. Lel.
This line is for me to be an entitled little shit and say pls gib me things for my burpday kthanks.
I'm going to go back to my reignited shame game and play more of The World of Warcraft.
I'm currently on Grizzily Hills and Frostmourne.
I have no level 100 characters. Boo.
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