Dragoneer's Passing
Posted 4 months agoHey all.
I know I don't post at all, but I think with the current events within the fandom, I should put my feelings out, as I find myself struggling with the emotions I feel, or lack there of.
Ill be straight up. I never knew Dragoneer. I never talked with him, never knew him, really only knew of him, and his position of this website, even if i learned it through jokes and memes. It still doesn't diminish the impact he had on the furry fandom, creating the very website I'm typing out this journal on.
My emotions are weird, but pretty straight-forward about this. I don't feel too upset? Which, given the position, influence, and circumstances of Dragoneer, I feel I should be more, WAY more upset than I do, but I don't. Of course I'm upset at the American Healthcare system, it's a for-profit network prioritizing money over people, but I'm not as upset as I feel I should be with Dragoneer's passing. It could be that I never knew him personally enough to feel such a strong emotion, or something else. I feel sorry for everyone who is mourning his passing, and I'm sure there will be a point where I will mourn a bit more strongly, but I don't know if I will in the near future, or in the far future.
I do hope everyone who has been hurt by the passing of Dragoneer takes their time to mourn the loss, and come out stronger the other side.
I know I don't post at all, but I think with the current events within the fandom, I should put my feelings out, as I find myself struggling with the emotions I feel, or lack there of.
Ill be straight up. I never knew Dragoneer. I never talked with him, never knew him, really only knew of him, and his position of this website, even if i learned it through jokes and memes. It still doesn't diminish the impact he had on the furry fandom, creating the very website I'm typing out this journal on.
My emotions are weird, but pretty straight-forward about this. I don't feel too upset? Which, given the position, influence, and circumstances of Dragoneer, I feel I should be more, WAY more upset than I do, but I don't. Of course I'm upset at the American Healthcare system, it's a for-profit network prioritizing money over people, but I'm not as upset as I feel I should be with Dragoneer's passing. It could be that I never knew him personally enough to feel such a strong emotion, or something else. I feel sorry for everyone who is mourning his passing, and I'm sure there will be a point where I will mourn a bit more strongly, but I don't know if I will in the near future, or in the far future.
I do hope everyone who has been hurt by the passing of Dragoneer takes their time to mourn the loss, and come out stronger the other side.
Birthday
Posted 5 years agoYesterday was my birthday, and I should've sent something yesterday, but I was hanging out with friends. I also turned 18, so now I can see porn things again, just need the admins to reverse the lock. Anyways, have a good day all, and thanks for reading this.
New year, hopefully redo time
Posted 6 years agoHey, I know I dont write often, but I hope this year to be a good one. Ill be turning 18 this year, so Ill be hoping for some stuff to change...especially...surrounding people I've hurt. I hope to make up to those I've wounded metaphorically, and give actual, sincere apologies instead of simple sorries, which I have been trying to do for some time, but they never accept it because Im too young and it really hurts...I hope to make it up to anyone and everyone I've hurt...
I need to write this to get it out of my system
Posted 6 years agoYesterday I attended anthrocon, a Pittsburgh furry convention (which im sure you all my know), and it was pretty fun for the most part. I was in my first game tournament, played a custom cards against humanity deck, and a bunch more stuff. The reason I say for the most part is because...well, I saw someone there that doesnt like me all tbat much...and for a good reason. It was 
PanScolipede . I knew him from sneaking my way into a group when I was younger, and I also convinced him to rp with me. A week later or so, he says he is attending anthrocon (this was last year), and I was too. I did reveal my age to him, and well...it hit the fan for me. He blocked me on telegram, and on discord when I got one and joined a group. He didnt want any part of me, so when I saw him at AC, i started to panic, hoping he wouldnt see my badge(i was lucky i didnt bring my bigger badge of my sona). I was scared what he would do if he did notice it was me. I had a 15 minute panic attack that had an after shake for about an hour. I couldnt play games, i couldnt sit still, i just couldnt do that stuff because I was scared at any moment he could come from somewhere and notice me. I didnt wanna anger or upset him. If he saw me...i dont know what could've happen...it wasnt until I was playing the Cards against Humanity deck when I was able to settle down a bit at The Zoo. I just dont know what would've happened.
Edit: My intentions on writing this is to show out my feelings, not to make him seem bad. All i was feeling was fright. I was uncertain about how he would react. Pan is a great dude. He is a very nice person for those that he knows. I did something I shouldn't have done, and I got my punishment, and I still am.
PanScolipede . I knew him from sneaking my way into a group when I was younger, and I also convinced him to rp with me. A week later or so, he says he is attending anthrocon (this was last year), and I was too. I did reveal my age to him, and well...it hit the fan for me. He blocked me on telegram, and on discord when I got one and joined a group. He didnt want any part of me, so when I saw him at AC, i started to panic, hoping he wouldnt see my badge(i was lucky i didnt bring my bigger badge of my sona). I was scared what he would do if he did notice it was me. I had a 15 minute panic attack that had an after shake for about an hour. I couldnt play games, i couldnt sit still, i just couldnt do that stuff because I was scared at any moment he could come from somewhere and notice me. I didnt wanna anger or upset him. If he saw me...i dont know what could've happen...it wasnt until I was playing the Cards against Humanity deck when I was able to settle down a bit at The Zoo. I just dont know what would've happened.Edit: My intentions on writing this is to show out my feelings, not to make him seem bad. All i was feeling was fright. I was uncertain about how he would react. Pan is a great dude. He is a very nice person for those that he knows. I did something I shouldn't have done, and I got my punishment, and I still am.
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