Oh right, BlueSky and other stuff I forgot to say
Posted a month agoSomething completely sailed over my head to explain yesterday when I made that journal. It's about my Twitter/X accounts and what I plan to do with those. To give a more thorough rundown, I still plan to have my accounts remain up as I try to navigate following people from that platform to BlueSky. But considering that posts are being used to train AI on Twitter, is there a reliable way to delete image posts? Cause the last thing I need is for that platform to be using whatever images I got from artists over the years to train something that is blatantly stealing art. If anyone knows, please inform me soon as you can so I can get on it.
To continue on this thought, I believe I mentioned that I'd also be bringing back my Itaku account and slowly upload onto there over time. That is still gonna happen, but I have some things I personally wanna rewrite about my OCs over time and make things more consistent with them. Not entirely sure if I'll be doing the same with any posts I've made here, but I'll see when I get to it. After all, I need to get myself back into world building and writing as a whole. Maybe it'll improve my somewhat sloppy speech? We'll see. But getting back on topic, I'll link my Itaku page on BlueSky whenever I get back into the process of sharing images again on there.
And now moving back to Twitter, I did want to say that I'll be on there, but likely with my account locked to prevent anyone using my handle for anything nefarious. This journal will be signifying my end on posting or resharing everything from Twitter. I know there are still good artists on that platform that haven't made the full jump, but I'll still be on the look out every now and again. I may still share the occasional comm I get, but greatly cropped out and obscured so the platform can't easily identify whatever it is I share. I want to commit to posting more often and hopefully start sharing more going into the New Year(when we get to it).
Now, to close this out, I wanted to say this: The world has been pretty harsh the past few years since Covid happened. I think we can all agree on that. Or maybe some lives have been made better by it in some way, who knows? But I know recent news about who's leading the US next isn't pretty at all, so we gotta tough it out like we did the last time that person was leading us. If we survived him once, we can do it again. But more importantly, if you're really struggling in life right now, then I say talk to a friend/family member, maybe go out for a day or afternoon to unwind, take in the sights and the skies above. The skies may not be so blue with the shift in weather, but you can find something amazing among the setting sun. Just...don't lose hope. Cause having that little bit of it can carry you a looooong way. Take care now, everyone.
https://linktr.ee/soulfuxion
To continue on this thought, I believe I mentioned that I'd also be bringing back my Itaku account and slowly upload onto there over time. That is still gonna happen, but I have some things I personally wanna rewrite about my OCs over time and make things more consistent with them. Not entirely sure if I'll be doing the same with any posts I've made here, but I'll see when I get to it. After all, I need to get myself back into world building and writing as a whole. Maybe it'll improve my somewhat sloppy speech? We'll see. But getting back on topic, I'll link my Itaku page on BlueSky whenever I get back into the process of sharing images again on there.
And now moving back to Twitter, I did want to say that I'll be on there, but likely with my account locked to prevent anyone using my handle for anything nefarious. This journal will be signifying my end on posting or resharing everything from Twitter. I know there are still good artists on that platform that haven't made the full jump, but I'll still be on the look out every now and again. I may still share the occasional comm I get, but greatly cropped out and obscured so the platform can't easily identify whatever it is I share. I want to commit to posting more often and hopefully start sharing more going into the New Year(when we get to it).
Now, to close this out, I wanted to say this: The world has been pretty harsh the past few years since Covid happened. I think we can all agree on that. Or maybe some lives have been made better by it in some way, who knows? But I know recent news about who's leading the US next isn't pretty at all, so we gotta tough it out like we did the last time that person was leading us. If we survived him once, we can do it again. But more importantly, if you're really struggling in life right now, then I say talk to a friend/family member, maybe go out for a day or afternoon to unwind, take in the sights and the skies above. The skies may not be so blue with the shift in weather, but you can find something amazing among the setting sun. Just...don't lose hope. Cause having that little bit of it can carry you a looooong way. Take care now, everyone.
https://linktr.ee/soulfuxion
(Finally)Updating Some Stuff
Posted a month agoHope that everyone has been well the past couple of weeks. Hours at my job have been cut down, so I got a little more free time on my hands than usual, but that has been leaving my work schedule being a lot more inconsistent with sudden changes that I get no forewarning about. In short, stuff at work has still been a mess for me and I don't see it improving. Currently, my plan in terms of work is to wait until the Holidays are over with - after New Years Day - and go job hunting. The reason why I'm waiting off is because too many events are coming up on me and I'd rather not be busy with two jobs leading up to Christmas. On top of that, I will be going to Midwest Fur Fest this year, so hey, I look forward to meeting some fellow furs while out there this year. But that's besides the point. I want to make time for the stuff I already have planned for, so I gotta stick to Panda Express until I can go search for a job that I feel will fit me. Hopefully a unionized job that'll treat me more fairly and less infuriating management to deal with. But that is just a hopeful wish from me.
Moving on from that, I just wanted to get my general thoughts of this year out of the way before anything else comes up. Close friends of mine know this, but this year feels even rougher than last year. Work being hectic, inconsistent, and screwed me over at times. Free time not feeling as free as it was. The world being on fire throughout this year's events including a certain something else that happened on November 5th. It's safe to say this hasn't been the year for others including myself. As a result, it has been leaving me feel a bit empty and sometimes hopeless, but I still trudge on until something comes along to lift my spirits.
Personally, I'm thinking of making next year a more active presence for me online. Get back into streaming more often again, actually getting stuff figured out relating to streaming, and so on. It's been so much on me to do other stuff that I've had a ton of stress pile up, but perhaps this is why I honestly need a whole day to myself. Just to really sort stuff out or to do it bit by bit. Bit by bit seems to be the best I can do for the time being, so I suppose that'll be the way to go.
Alongside that, something I've realized up until now is that I haven't updated this profile properly for the last 3 years and it has some outdated info on there. I plan to link other platforms I'm on, for instance, and anything else that comes to mind. Especially my Itaku that I haven't used in the past year and left dormant. FA has just been the one platform I upload a lot of art to and haven't used Itaku despite stuff going on last year. It would be wise of me to revive that account and actually get to posting more stuff, but it'll be a slow upload over time, if that makes sense. I may not be showcasing every post I make on there as that may dreg up more time, but who knows? Maybe I will just to get the ball rolling.
And one last thing I wanted to talk about. I haven't been in a writing mood for a long time and remember that story arc I was doing featuring a Hisuian Zoroark named Eiko - who I tweaked his name for personal reasons - and Justin(my actual Pokesona). At this point, I'm putting that tale on an indefinite hiatus and make some shorter stories going forward. With how out of whack my life is, I don't have time to really make long-form stories as I once could. But what I intend to do hopefully before the end of the year is make a story that takes aspects of what's happened the last couple years in my own life and mix it into a meaningful message of pushing on despite everything going against a person. That's the idea as of now, but I'm not promising it'll be done before we're done with 2024. I'll do my best to be more active around Blue Sky, so if you haven't found me on there yet, feel free to go follow me for any updates or posts I make. This is all I have to say for the day, so enjoy your day, everyone.
https://linktr.ee/soulfuxion
Moving on from that, I just wanted to get my general thoughts of this year out of the way before anything else comes up. Close friends of mine know this, but this year feels even rougher than last year. Work being hectic, inconsistent, and screwed me over at times. Free time not feeling as free as it was. The world being on fire throughout this year's events including a certain something else that happened on November 5th. It's safe to say this hasn't been the year for others including myself. As a result, it has been leaving me feel a bit empty and sometimes hopeless, but I still trudge on until something comes along to lift my spirits.
Personally, I'm thinking of making next year a more active presence for me online. Get back into streaming more often again, actually getting stuff figured out relating to streaming, and so on. It's been so much on me to do other stuff that I've had a ton of stress pile up, but perhaps this is why I honestly need a whole day to myself. Just to really sort stuff out or to do it bit by bit. Bit by bit seems to be the best I can do for the time being, so I suppose that'll be the way to go.
Alongside that, something I've realized up until now is that I haven't updated this profile properly for the last 3 years and it has some outdated info on there. I plan to link other platforms I'm on, for instance, and anything else that comes to mind. Especially my Itaku that I haven't used in the past year and left dormant. FA has just been the one platform I upload a lot of art to and haven't used Itaku despite stuff going on last year. It would be wise of me to revive that account and actually get to posting more stuff, but it'll be a slow upload over time, if that makes sense. I may not be showcasing every post I make on there as that may dreg up more time, but who knows? Maybe I will just to get the ball rolling.
And one last thing I wanted to talk about. I haven't been in a writing mood for a long time and remember that story arc I was doing featuring a Hisuian Zoroark named Eiko - who I tweaked his name for personal reasons - and Justin(my actual Pokesona). At this point, I'm putting that tale on an indefinite hiatus and make some shorter stories going forward. With how out of whack my life is, I don't have time to really make long-form stories as I once could. But what I intend to do hopefully before the end of the year is make a story that takes aspects of what's happened the last couple years in my own life and mix it into a meaningful message of pushing on despite everything going against a person. That's the idea as of now, but I'm not promising it'll be done before we're done with 2024. I'll do my best to be more active around Blue Sky, so if you haven't found me on there yet, feel free to go follow me for any updates or posts I make. This is all I have to say for the day, so enjoy your day, everyone.
https://linktr.ee/soulfuxion
Very tough week
Posted a month agoI've been rather quiet for the most part on Twitter/X, BlueSky, and even Discord. Most of you already know this by now, but last Saturday - the 19th - I found out through my dad while at work that my Grandpa Bob passed away. He was even trying to call me earlier in the shift to tell me, but I had an all day shift and didn't get a good chance to really call him back. It wasn't until one of my sister's texted me that I caught wind something was wrong and then proceeded to find out.
I haven't been very mentally stable since and it's difficult knowing basically my 3rd and last grandfather is gone. I had my mom's foster father and her biological father both pass away on me a year apart from each other - 2021 and 2022 respectively. All of my grandfather's passed away rather close to my birthday. First was my mom's foster father in early September, then her biological father in late September and right before my interview for Panda Express. And now my dad's dad barely a week after my birthday. I say this because it...fucks with me a lot how death surrounds me on my birthday. It's a realization that lingers with me now and hard to shake off. As a result, this week has been harsh to get through.
Wednesday was his Wake and then the Funeral the morning after coupled by a luncheon with the family afterwards. However, I shot myself in the leg as I was given a chance to have this week of work off, but I didn't take it as I thought I'd be mentally stronger than I assumed. Safe to say I was wrong on that. And now I had to work Thursday just 2 hours after everyone went their separate ways from everything and it felt miserable. Saw a person I barely see working with us anymore cause of their second job, but barely got a word in with them due to it being busier than need be. And hell, it's not like I get a chance to breathe for a while.
I work now until Monday afternoon, Tuesday is a potentially good day out with friends, Wednesday is a closing shift at work, and Thursday(Halloween) is me spending time with one of my grandmothers followed by hosting my monthly movie night. Next Friday is my best chance at having a day to recover, but I don't know how much it'll help. Just feels like everything is fucked up now and I'm struggling to keep a head held high. I apologize if this is all ranty, but I am physically and mentally tired. All I want is some time with family or friends or both. Just to talk and maybe have fun. Mostly talk. Dealing with death hasn't been easy for me and the topic weighs heavily on me. Even having stress suddenly put on me again to find a new job doesn't help matters and my overwhelming feeling of uselessness is consuming me more so than ever. I...just want to rest so badly. I'm very, very tired.
I haven't been very mentally stable since and it's difficult knowing basically my 3rd and last grandfather is gone. I had my mom's foster father and her biological father both pass away on me a year apart from each other - 2021 and 2022 respectively. All of my grandfather's passed away rather close to my birthday. First was my mom's foster father in early September, then her biological father in late September and right before my interview for Panda Express. And now my dad's dad barely a week after my birthday. I say this because it...fucks with me a lot how death surrounds me on my birthday. It's a realization that lingers with me now and hard to shake off. As a result, this week has been harsh to get through.
Wednesday was his Wake and then the Funeral the morning after coupled by a luncheon with the family afterwards. However, I shot myself in the leg as I was given a chance to have this week of work off, but I didn't take it as I thought I'd be mentally stronger than I assumed. Safe to say I was wrong on that. And now I had to work Thursday just 2 hours after everyone went their separate ways from everything and it felt miserable. Saw a person I barely see working with us anymore cause of their second job, but barely got a word in with them due to it being busier than need be. And hell, it's not like I get a chance to breathe for a while.
I work now until Monday afternoon, Tuesday is a potentially good day out with friends, Wednesday is a closing shift at work, and Thursday(Halloween) is me spending time with one of my grandmothers followed by hosting my monthly movie night. Next Friday is my best chance at having a day to recover, but I don't know how much it'll help. Just feels like everything is fucked up now and I'm struggling to keep a head held high. I apologize if this is all ranty, but I am physically and mentally tired. All I want is some time with family or friends or both. Just to talk and maybe have fun. Mostly talk. Dealing with death hasn't been easy for me and the topic weighs heavily on me. Even having stress suddenly put on me again to find a new job doesn't help matters and my overwhelming feeling of uselessness is consuming me more so than ever. I...just want to rest so badly. I'm very, very tired.
Places to find me OUTSIDE of Twittex ( Other News)
Posted 2 months agoIn light of Twitter/X's rule changes regarding the block function AND how they're treating artists on the platform, I'm gonna be posting more often on Bluesky going forward. Any pics I share to Twitter will simply be links to FA posts and not the pics themselves. I don't think they count as posting a pic, but correct me if I am wrong. But if anyone wants to follow me over to BS, feel free to use the links below to find me!
Arnoch BS(Vore/Fat Centric Stuff. NO MINORS): https://bsky.app/profile/arnochsleiper.bsky.social
Azura BS(Gaming/Other Stuff): https://bsky.app/profile/soulfuxion.bsky.social
ALSO SOME OTHER STUFF! I'll be doing my best to tag artists if they have a card or linktree account. I have one myself, but I haven't actively updated the info on my page for probably 3 years now. I'll be doing so soon as I can, but I am making an active effort to start posting more around these platforms in spite of the busy times I've been somewhat suffering through. I may update this post later with more stuff, but for now, this is all I got for you folks.
Arnoch BS(Vore/Fat Centric Stuff. NO MINORS): https://bsky.app/profile/arnochsleiper.bsky.social
Azura BS(Gaming/Other Stuff): https://bsky.app/profile/soulfuxion.bsky.social
ALSO SOME OTHER STUFF! I'll be doing my best to tag artists if they have a card or linktree account. I have one myself, but I haven't actively updated the info on my page for probably 3 years now. I'll be doing so soon as I can, but I am making an active effort to start posting more around these platforms in spite of the busy times I've been somewhat suffering through. I may update this post later with more stuff, but for now, this is all I got for you folks.
Multi-Upload Tomorrow
Posted 2 months agoPlanning to post 2 pics tomorrow, but they'll be in the evening sometime. About to sleep here, but hoping to get more info out there
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
Posted 2 months agoI'm officially 26! So you know what that means today, yeah? I get to have a lot of cake and enjoy my day! ...Well, AFTER I get back from Chronic Con that I've been at all weekend with some friends. But I am gonna try to be more active!
Aaaaand We're Back!
Posted 3 months agoHoly crap, that entire situation was scary. Honestly, it sucks to see this site get taken over by some asshole alongside the site's Twitter page, but from everything I've seen, that hacker got HARD fucked for his actions. I hope that guy gets more bad karma coming his way cause you don't go and do something like this and expect to get away with it.
In other news, how is everyone holding up after all this?
In other news, how is everyone holding up after all this?
Rest in Peace, Dragoneer ( Other News)
Posted 4 months agoWhile I don't know much about him personally, I can see he was a highly influential figure in the furry community. It sucks seeing the way he went out, though, and that was from US healthcare being at its worst. 25K upfront for a special visit? That's absurd and I believe that's without health insurance. But I hope this reaches more ears cause we shouldn't have to be paying this much to keep ourselves healthy and living. May he rest in peace and not forget all he has done to the lives of many.
As to why I didn't get this out sooner, I've been feeling out of it and just recently got my vacation time. The last couple of days have been off to me and while I was originally going to do something for 8/8, I lost focus while writing it and decided to do something else. Hopefully while out at Wisconsin from this Sunday to Thursday, I can get something out there for you all to see from me again. Been meaning to keep in touch with others more and I intend to stick with that. Just hoping nothing else goes wrong for me on my end and I can be more productive with my time. We'll just have to see how it rolls out for me.
Hope you all are doing well and take care now. Just know that if I don't talk to some of you that I do know, I'm still hoping for the best for you out there. Until next time...
As to why I didn't get this out sooner, I've been feeling out of it and just recently got my vacation time. The last couple of days have been off to me and while I was originally going to do something for 8/8, I lost focus while writing it and decided to do something else. Hopefully while out at Wisconsin from this Sunday to Thursday, I can get something out there for you all to see from me again. Been meaning to keep in touch with others more and I intend to stick with that. Just hoping nothing else goes wrong for me on my end and I can be more productive with my time. We'll just have to see how it rolls out for me.
Hope you all are doing well and take care now. Just know that if I don't talk to some of you that I do know, I'm still hoping for the best for you out there. Until next time...
...Okay, it's been long enough. Lets talk
Posted 5 months agoCW: This journal does contain personal and dark thoughts of how I've been feeling for the last several months.
Anyone who has been following me long enough knows I'm long overdue on talking about stuff again. Life for the last few months hasn't been easy on me or this year in general. I should preface by saying there have been some things keeping me neutral or higher than normal in spirits, but I've been falling into a slump several times throughout the year so far. It's a struggle to stay sane when everything around me feels like it's on fire almost all the time. There's so much I've been wanting to do, but I feel powerless to go do what's important or that simply needs to get done. But let me back up to where I believe this all started for me and how I've been feeling: After the cruise.
I went with a close friend to Miami back in late February on the "Cruise Askew", hosted by Kevin Smith & Jason Mewes(or "Jay & Silent Bob", if you ever heard of those names). It was a rather fun trip out to sea, even docking for a time in the Bahamas to explore the land a little, and getting to see various events take place on the ship. We were gone for a few days, but I am hoping him and I can go to 2026's cruise since that was announced towards the end of our journey. However, I wasn't prepared for how rough work would become once we got back home.
I suddenly got a lot more hours than usual - something I needed before the cruise - management acting more like dicks to me over how I went about my job, ignoring me several times, not understanding how much time tasks can take to get done or see I get backed up by customers to help with closing, and one weekend left me in a bad spot. Towards the end of April, we extremely busy out of the blue, customers pooling in to drive thru(DT for short) and in the dining room. We were SWAMPED, short staffed, and taking a long time to get huge orders done. I only worked Saturday and Sunday on that particular weekend, but it was brutal on me to keep up with everything. I even had an Assistant Manager(AM) named "G"(to keep her anonymous for the time being, but people who know me know who I refer to) give me an attitude for no reason when I simply asked her to hand me a bowl after literally crossing my arms to reach something. I gave an attitude back and I later got written up over it. What I wasn't fully aware of until our GM(General Manager) came back from an injured foot was that I got two write ups in that same weekend. On that Saturday, a family complained I was somehow being condescending, rude, and yelling at them when taking their order, but I honestly have no memory of such a thing. I'm dead serious on that. I was probably rude to some people, but that's cause I was in a heavy rush, but condescending and yelling at them? Now that's something I'm not doing to customers on the regular. It was difficult to hear customers when you have many people talking all at once and having kitchen equipment being in constant use behind you the whole time, but I wasn't on the verge of yelling at a customer for no reason. And yet, because of this, I was put on my final warning with the job. One more major fuck up and I was gonna be kicked out, but can they really do that when my place has been short staffed for a while? If they kicked me out, someone else has to pick up the hours and work more than usual, probably fucking up their schedule in the process. And it took them until around late June as of now to finally get new hands to help out, but I didn't know if we were getting new help or not. Especially when I'm barely told much about what's going on at my own work place anymore.
I've often been last to hear about any major developments on the job since I only work 3 days a week - Sundays(4-10 PM), Wendesdays(4-10:30 PM), and Saturdays(10 AM/12-11 PM) - as of now and sometimes act surprised I didn't hear about this or that. Management just doesn't fill me in on things unless I ask, but how should I know what to ask what's new when they've shrugged me off on even minor questions and told me to go do something? There have been times where another manager has blurted things out loud that hurt my feelings like "Thanks for nothing, Justin!" or "You're not helping!" when I went to do minor things or when I couldn't do a task right away. I've been picking up the pace more often nowadays...until we've started to have customers rush into our restaurant near closing more times than not. Recently, I've been leaving an hour to an hour and a half after we're fully closed due to this and it's getting on my nerves. I can't get things done in time for us to leave mostly cause a lot falls onto me to close my station - especially with FoH(Front of House). I have to clean all of dining room - tables, sweeping the floor, taking out the garbage, stocking/cleaning the drink station, and mopping the floors with the chance of cleaning the bathrooms - before I can even clock out, but that's beginning to drag on me. I'm thinking more and more on how I can't seem to finish a lot of stuff on time, to be fast and efficient with stuff, or just simply do something that should be so simple. Even other stuff outside of work has affected my mind set overall on when to do things and how much time I should spend with it. Oh yeah, and there's one last thing about work that has sucked I should mention: The scheduling.
I found out back in June - or rather rediscovered this - but now we can't request the same days off as someone else and it's "First Come, First Serve" on requesting said days off. I believe that was done cause my friend and I have both taken several days off together in the past - especially for the cruise. This throws a wrench into us hanging out on certain weekends including any con trips we were planning like MFF. I refuse to believe that this was done by the higher ups since I heard other people had no idea of this; Only my friend and I. This is just management hating how often we both interact on the job and we had to deal with this last fucking year when G purpously changed our schedules so we didn't work the same days for several months straight...all while my friend was still in New York for about a month while I also suffered a nervous breakdown due to her CONSTANTLY refusing to listen to me on a ton of shit. And although she's been easing up on me recently, I still feel apprehensive towards her after being at this job for nearly 2 years due to how she's acted towards me in the past. I'm tired of this job and want out...but I feel like I can't find a place that'd be right for me to work at next cause my folks want me to go Full Time instead of part time. Why? Well...lets get to that.
People outside of FA know I'm 25 now(I neglected to update my age in my profile for about 2 years at this point) and I turn 26 on October 13th. Problem is that both my health and dental insurance coverage runs out on me the moment I turn 26 and the only way to get that would be to go Full Time at a job. This means less time to do what I want, less time to be with friends, and more time spent at a place that might not even give two shits about how I feel or what I have to say. Both Panda Express and the theater I worked at previously showed that I'm just another cog in their set of wheels to keep things working rather than a member of a team. I know I need the money to keep up with the rising inflation costs, but it sucks I have to basically devote so much of my time to a job rather than live it with the people I love and care about. And the topic I keep going back to when talking to most people has been work. Work, work, and more work. It's made me into a broken record on how often I get on this topic with friends and family and while I do agree I need to start job hunting, how do I know if the next job I get will treat me any better? Will I actually get to meet new people and build a lasting bond or am I just gonna be shut out again and be told what they want me to do? I fear I'm just gonna turn into another boring ass business person or worker that has next to no personality for the rest of my days. And time isn't getting slower - it's speeding up. The days go by faster than I can process and I'm dreading everything falling apart on me suddenly at some point. I don't want that to happen. I don't want my life to become meaningless after all this time of being online with the community I helped put together or not getting to see my family as much. I already had several family members pass on in 3 harsh years prior and what if another goes without me knowing? I don't want to work and not see them one last time. And neither do I want to suddenly kick the bucket with how my physical health has been. Losing sleep, having a bad diet, sitting around more times than not. Shit, I've even had sudden spikes of anxiety and stress when picking up something sharp and looking over it for too long, wondering if...I think you all get the picture by this point.
And I want to say this now, I do apologize if I'm rambling on and on for too long, but I want to get out there how I've been feeling. In short, I've not felt important to the lives of some people. Sometimes I get brushed aside, but I know I can't always be there for others as much as I want to or need to. Even to some friends, I've been ignored, but I can't say that without saying I have done the same. With my mental state, I've often just been leaving DMs unchecked or unread. I can't always read up to 20 Discord DMs as much as I used to these days. I know people wanna talk to me, but I hardly ever find the time to or I just haven't felt like talking about much. To those I've ignored for far too long, if you're somehow reading this, I'm sorry for being an ass and not responding to you. I just pray your life is going well despite me not being around to chat. Hopefully someday I can chat more with some of you folks as I find some of you interesting, but that's if my scattered mind can even think of you. Not to be an ass there. Just saying I'm a mess.
This has also impacted how often I've been writing or getting comms. I just don't know what to write or get most of the time. Honestly, I think I've been on some fixation to simply go out and buy stuff more times than not from snacks to smaller stuff for the hobbyst in me. Movies, games, even the rare Pokemon ETB once in a while. But I also think that has eaten at me over time, trying to fill some gap in me related to my childhood. To get the things I've missed out on growing up. But I can't go back to my childhood. I know that for a fact. And that some of this now probably doesn't make much sense, but there...might be a reason for that. Something else has been on my mind for a while that I assume I might be suffering from, but I've never been clinically diagnosed with is autism. Some friends have outwardly spoken to me either in calls or DMs that I might be on the spectrum, but I haven't focused on it too much for some time. I don't know how long it takes to get diagnosed, but something tells me I should just find a therapist or psychiatrist or someone that can help find out if how I am is due to a mental disorder. I've had difficulty paying attention in some places, keeping on track with a task, hyperfixating onto stuff others aren't as fixated on, looking at stuff in parts than a whole. Do those sound like symptoms of autism? I don't know, in all honesty. All I know is something is wrong with me and I need to find a way to fix myself.
So much tends to come and go in my mind, day in and day out, that I have a hard time ever talking about things I'm passionate for to others. It often results in me talking to myself, alone, about the things on my mind outside of DMs or a call with someone. I feel more hesitant to mention my feelings cause all I want out of people is to be happier. These days, everything feels like the world is on fire from one drama to the next. Day in and day out. It tires me out seeing this happen, but what also tires me out is seeing some other friends of mine get so bent out of shape over certain things. Like video games being harder than necessary to enjoy anymore. Live services are no exception to this as the devs/higher ups of those titles are easily capable of making a game several times harder for a grind or to have fun by nerfing something for the casual crowd or buffing something competive players use. I've been playing Fortnite for the last year or 2 and it's not been fun to play Zero Build as much cause of competitive players showing up to gun us down with another Shockwave Grenade jump. That or the fun items get nerfed and made harder to use. But at this point, I just want to have fun with others again when it comes to games. Find something new that may peak our fancy. Part of me was even thinking of streaming those experiences, but with how my friends act, I'm afraid of doing so given I've been trying to get off my feet to do more streaming as a whole. It's not easy finding the time to sit down for a few hours and play a game for others to watch, probably thinking you're boring for being silent or saying something generic. But that's a bit off topic. Still, I mainly want my friends to be happier and I'm starting to consider revisiting games we used to play to break up the monotony of live service bullshit I play with them. Not to say these games can't be good, but they're less fun than usual in recent times. Doesn't help some other live services are recently trying to screw over their consumers by having them either pay a shit load of money than normal or grind an abhorrent amount of hours for a little bit of progress. Apex Legends, anyone? Or how about Multiversus? Overwatch 2?? These games are just sickening me at this point for how greedy the higher ups are to siphon cash out of our pockets and taking away what made these games fun to begin with.
But moving on, I want to...change myself. Remember how I said I wanted to be more myself? I still want to do that, but I'm nervous still. You all saw my Mewsona has a new alias I'd prefer to go by(unless you're a close friend of mine), but I haven't done a good job sticking to it myself. Maybe I'm...just not fully ready to embrace it. Probably because I myself can't sort things out entirely. I envision this sword I have to pick up, a mantle to uphold for myself, but I'm too scared to do it. To undertake something major. And until I feel like I'm ready, I need to see what's really ticking in my head to see what's making me act the way I do. I'm doing little things to help myself each day, but I don't think this is enough for me. I'm not sure when I'll be ready to move forward with stuff like writing, streaming, or being more creative, but I need to figure myself out in what I want out of this life. It's been such a mess - probably like this journal with my thoughts - to sort everything out. I don't know how far you've gotten into this, reader, but if you're at the end with me, I appreciate it. It means a lot to me to have someone read my jumble of words and to hear out these thoughts I've been harboring for so long. I want to be better, but I also bust my ass to make sure others are satisified too. Because I care too much about them to see them sink into that pit of darkness I myself keep drifting through. I suffered a lot, but who knows? Maybe I can find something beyond this. ...Fuck, playing Kingdom Hearts is making me sound like I'm from the games itself. Needless to say, I'll be seeing what I can do myself. No promises to share about stuff, but I'll be chipping away at things best I can. Maybe more so when I go on my vacation in August. You all take care of yourselves and again...thank you for being with this weird ass for so long.
Anyone who has been following me long enough knows I'm long overdue on talking about stuff again. Life for the last few months hasn't been easy on me or this year in general. I should preface by saying there have been some things keeping me neutral or higher than normal in spirits, but I've been falling into a slump several times throughout the year so far. It's a struggle to stay sane when everything around me feels like it's on fire almost all the time. There's so much I've been wanting to do, but I feel powerless to go do what's important or that simply needs to get done. But let me back up to where I believe this all started for me and how I've been feeling: After the cruise.
I went with a close friend to Miami back in late February on the "Cruise Askew", hosted by Kevin Smith & Jason Mewes(or "Jay & Silent Bob", if you ever heard of those names). It was a rather fun trip out to sea, even docking for a time in the Bahamas to explore the land a little, and getting to see various events take place on the ship. We were gone for a few days, but I am hoping him and I can go to 2026's cruise since that was announced towards the end of our journey. However, I wasn't prepared for how rough work would become once we got back home.
I suddenly got a lot more hours than usual - something I needed before the cruise - management acting more like dicks to me over how I went about my job, ignoring me several times, not understanding how much time tasks can take to get done or see I get backed up by customers to help with closing, and one weekend left me in a bad spot. Towards the end of April, we extremely busy out of the blue, customers pooling in to drive thru(DT for short) and in the dining room. We were SWAMPED, short staffed, and taking a long time to get huge orders done. I only worked Saturday and Sunday on that particular weekend, but it was brutal on me to keep up with everything. I even had an Assistant Manager(AM) named "G"(to keep her anonymous for the time being, but people who know me know who I refer to) give me an attitude for no reason when I simply asked her to hand me a bowl after literally crossing my arms to reach something. I gave an attitude back and I later got written up over it. What I wasn't fully aware of until our GM(General Manager) came back from an injured foot was that I got two write ups in that same weekend. On that Saturday, a family complained I was somehow being condescending, rude, and yelling at them when taking their order, but I honestly have no memory of such a thing. I'm dead serious on that. I was probably rude to some people, but that's cause I was in a heavy rush, but condescending and yelling at them? Now that's something I'm not doing to customers on the regular. It was difficult to hear customers when you have many people talking all at once and having kitchen equipment being in constant use behind you the whole time, but I wasn't on the verge of yelling at a customer for no reason. And yet, because of this, I was put on my final warning with the job. One more major fuck up and I was gonna be kicked out, but can they really do that when my place has been short staffed for a while? If they kicked me out, someone else has to pick up the hours and work more than usual, probably fucking up their schedule in the process. And it took them until around late June as of now to finally get new hands to help out, but I didn't know if we were getting new help or not. Especially when I'm barely told much about what's going on at my own work place anymore.
I've often been last to hear about any major developments on the job since I only work 3 days a week - Sundays(4-10 PM), Wendesdays(4-10:30 PM), and Saturdays(10 AM/12-11 PM) - as of now and sometimes act surprised I didn't hear about this or that. Management just doesn't fill me in on things unless I ask, but how should I know what to ask what's new when they've shrugged me off on even minor questions and told me to go do something? There have been times where another manager has blurted things out loud that hurt my feelings like "Thanks for nothing, Justin!" or "You're not helping!" when I went to do minor things or when I couldn't do a task right away. I've been picking up the pace more often nowadays...until we've started to have customers rush into our restaurant near closing more times than not. Recently, I've been leaving an hour to an hour and a half after we're fully closed due to this and it's getting on my nerves. I can't get things done in time for us to leave mostly cause a lot falls onto me to close my station - especially with FoH(Front of House). I have to clean all of dining room - tables, sweeping the floor, taking out the garbage, stocking/cleaning the drink station, and mopping the floors with the chance of cleaning the bathrooms - before I can even clock out, but that's beginning to drag on me. I'm thinking more and more on how I can't seem to finish a lot of stuff on time, to be fast and efficient with stuff, or just simply do something that should be so simple. Even other stuff outside of work has affected my mind set overall on when to do things and how much time I should spend with it. Oh yeah, and there's one last thing about work that has sucked I should mention: The scheduling.
I found out back in June - or rather rediscovered this - but now we can't request the same days off as someone else and it's "First Come, First Serve" on requesting said days off. I believe that was done cause my friend and I have both taken several days off together in the past - especially for the cruise. This throws a wrench into us hanging out on certain weekends including any con trips we were planning like MFF. I refuse to believe that this was done by the higher ups since I heard other people had no idea of this; Only my friend and I. This is just management hating how often we both interact on the job and we had to deal with this last fucking year when G purpously changed our schedules so we didn't work the same days for several months straight...all while my friend was still in New York for about a month while I also suffered a nervous breakdown due to her CONSTANTLY refusing to listen to me on a ton of shit. And although she's been easing up on me recently, I still feel apprehensive towards her after being at this job for nearly 2 years due to how she's acted towards me in the past. I'm tired of this job and want out...but I feel like I can't find a place that'd be right for me to work at next cause my folks want me to go Full Time instead of part time. Why? Well...lets get to that.
People outside of FA know I'm 25 now(I neglected to update my age in my profile for about 2 years at this point) and I turn 26 on October 13th. Problem is that both my health and dental insurance coverage runs out on me the moment I turn 26 and the only way to get that would be to go Full Time at a job. This means less time to do what I want, less time to be with friends, and more time spent at a place that might not even give two shits about how I feel or what I have to say. Both Panda Express and the theater I worked at previously showed that I'm just another cog in their set of wheels to keep things working rather than a member of a team. I know I need the money to keep up with the rising inflation costs, but it sucks I have to basically devote so much of my time to a job rather than live it with the people I love and care about. And the topic I keep going back to when talking to most people has been work. Work, work, and more work. It's made me into a broken record on how often I get on this topic with friends and family and while I do agree I need to start job hunting, how do I know if the next job I get will treat me any better? Will I actually get to meet new people and build a lasting bond or am I just gonna be shut out again and be told what they want me to do? I fear I'm just gonna turn into another boring ass business person or worker that has next to no personality for the rest of my days. And time isn't getting slower - it's speeding up. The days go by faster than I can process and I'm dreading everything falling apart on me suddenly at some point. I don't want that to happen. I don't want my life to become meaningless after all this time of being online with the community I helped put together or not getting to see my family as much. I already had several family members pass on in 3 harsh years prior and what if another goes without me knowing? I don't want to work and not see them one last time. And neither do I want to suddenly kick the bucket with how my physical health has been. Losing sleep, having a bad diet, sitting around more times than not. Shit, I've even had sudden spikes of anxiety and stress when picking up something sharp and looking over it for too long, wondering if...I think you all get the picture by this point.
And I want to say this now, I do apologize if I'm rambling on and on for too long, but I want to get out there how I've been feeling. In short, I've not felt important to the lives of some people. Sometimes I get brushed aside, but I know I can't always be there for others as much as I want to or need to. Even to some friends, I've been ignored, but I can't say that without saying I have done the same. With my mental state, I've often just been leaving DMs unchecked or unread. I can't always read up to 20 Discord DMs as much as I used to these days. I know people wanna talk to me, but I hardly ever find the time to or I just haven't felt like talking about much. To those I've ignored for far too long, if you're somehow reading this, I'm sorry for being an ass and not responding to you. I just pray your life is going well despite me not being around to chat. Hopefully someday I can chat more with some of you folks as I find some of you interesting, but that's if my scattered mind can even think of you. Not to be an ass there. Just saying I'm a mess.
This has also impacted how often I've been writing or getting comms. I just don't know what to write or get most of the time. Honestly, I think I've been on some fixation to simply go out and buy stuff more times than not from snacks to smaller stuff for the hobbyst in me. Movies, games, even the rare Pokemon ETB once in a while. But I also think that has eaten at me over time, trying to fill some gap in me related to my childhood. To get the things I've missed out on growing up. But I can't go back to my childhood. I know that for a fact. And that some of this now probably doesn't make much sense, but there...might be a reason for that. Something else has been on my mind for a while that I assume I might be suffering from, but I've never been clinically diagnosed with is autism. Some friends have outwardly spoken to me either in calls or DMs that I might be on the spectrum, but I haven't focused on it too much for some time. I don't know how long it takes to get diagnosed, but something tells me I should just find a therapist or psychiatrist or someone that can help find out if how I am is due to a mental disorder. I've had difficulty paying attention in some places, keeping on track with a task, hyperfixating onto stuff others aren't as fixated on, looking at stuff in parts than a whole. Do those sound like symptoms of autism? I don't know, in all honesty. All I know is something is wrong with me and I need to find a way to fix myself.
So much tends to come and go in my mind, day in and day out, that I have a hard time ever talking about things I'm passionate for to others. It often results in me talking to myself, alone, about the things on my mind outside of DMs or a call with someone. I feel more hesitant to mention my feelings cause all I want out of people is to be happier. These days, everything feels like the world is on fire from one drama to the next. Day in and day out. It tires me out seeing this happen, but what also tires me out is seeing some other friends of mine get so bent out of shape over certain things. Like video games being harder than necessary to enjoy anymore. Live services are no exception to this as the devs/higher ups of those titles are easily capable of making a game several times harder for a grind or to have fun by nerfing something for the casual crowd or buffing something competive players use. I've been playing Fortnite for the last year or 2 and it's not been fun to play Zero Build as much cause of competitive players showing up to gun us down with another Shockwave Grenade jump. That or the fun items get nerfed and made harder to use. But at this point, I just want to have fun with others again when it comes to games. Find something new that may peak our fancy. Part of me was even thinking of streaming those experiences, but with how my friends act, I'm afraid of doing so given I've been trying to get off my feet to do more streaming as a whole. It's not easy finding the time to sit down for a few hours and play a game for others to watch, probably thinking you're boring for being silent or saying something generic. But that's a bit off topic. Still, I mainly want my friends to be happier and I'm starting to consider revisiting games we used to play to break up the monotony of live service bullshit I play with them. Not to say these games can't be good, but they're less fun than usual in recent times. Doesn't help some other live services are recently trying to screw over their consumers by having them either pay a shit load of money than normal or grind an abhorrent amount of hours for a little bit of progress. Apex Legends, anyone? Or how about Multiversus? Overwatch 2?? These games are just sickening me at this point for how greedy the higher ups are to siphon cash out of our pockets and taking away what made these games fun to begin with.
But moving on, I want to...change myself. Remember how I said I wanted to be more myself? I still want to do that, but I'm nervous still. You all saw my Mewsona has a new alias I'd prefer to go by(unless you're a close friend of mine), but I haven't done a good job sticking to it myself. Maybe I'm...just not fully ready to embrace it. Probably because I myself can't sort things out entirely. I envision this sword I have to pick up, a mantle to uphold for myself, but I'm too scared to do it. To undertake something major. And until I feel like I'm ready, I need to see what's really ticking in my head to see what's making me act the way I do. I'm doing little things to help myself each day, but I don't think this is enough for me. I'm not sure when I'll be ready to move forward with stuff like writing, streaming, or being more creative, but I need to figure myself out in what I want out of this life. It's been such a mess - probably like this journal with my thoughts - to sort everything out. I don't know how far you've gotten into this, reader, but if you're at the end with me, I appreciate it. It means a lot to me to have someone read my jumble of words and to hear out these thoughts I've been harboring for so long. I want to be better, but I also bust my ass to make sure others are satisified too. Because I care too much about them to see them sink into that pit of darkness I myself keep drifting through. I suffered a lot, but who knows? Maybe I can find something beyond this. ...Fuck, playing Kingdom Hearts is making me sound like I'm from the games itself. Needless to say, I'll be seeing what I can do myself. No promises to share about stuff, but I'll be chipping away at things best I can. Maybe more so when I go on my vacation in August. You all take care of yourselves and again...thank you for being with this weird ass for so long.
Got an Update Coming Soon
Posted 6 months agoI've been meaning to make a big update journal on what's been going on for the past month already, but work among other things has been dragging me down. I'm aiming to get something out by next week, but I do actually have a few submissions to share in that time. The next journal will be about several things mainly regarding my life and what I hope to do going forward. Stay tuned as I'm hoping to get that journal out by Tuesday. Stay safe, everyone.
January felt like a bloody mess(Figuratively & Literally)
Posted 10 months agoFelt like making this journal to update everyone on what's been up for the past few weeks into the new year. While I am doing my best to keep my head held up, I can't say it's been easy on my end. Between gaming news on the internet, seeing yet another YT content creator I look up to get into some drama, and going to the ER back on January 28th, it's been one hell of a start to the year. I am gonna give my thoughts on some good and bad, but I do wanna give one thing in advance: CONTENT WARNING: I will be going into some detail on that ER trip and be explaining things using this, but without bold text. This has been your CW.
To start it off, the Chuggaconroy situation. Honestly, it saddens me to see yet another great content creator I looked up doing some shady shit in the BG. It isn't as horrendous as The Completionist charity scandel, but it's still damning in my eyes to see so much come out about him. Last I checked, he is actually taking steps to better himself and stay offline. I just pray he does right by staying away from the internet for a while and continue to seek therapy(I think it was?) to improve himself. I think a majority of us(or maybe some) can agree he should know better after all this and hopefully he doesn't repeat these actions in the future. And personally speaking, I am tired of seeing content creators I look up to doing something terrible. It just wrecks my mentality as I somewhat idolized them for many years. But I guess this is a lesson of never idolizing every content creator you see online cause you don't know what they're fully like behind the scenes.
Another topic is...a lot of stuff going on in the gaming industry. Mass layoffs still continuing while companies try to keep making live service titles for us to sink our time into. Among other things, I'm frankly exhausted from seeing things continuing to spiral down. I honestly just want to enjoy the games I play without much of an issue surrounding it whether it be the game, the company behind it, or the publisher doing something stupid at the time of release. Plus, it's becoming more of a gamble to sink money into games when many of them are pretty highly priced. Looking at you, Sony/PlayStation, for starting the $70 game trend and even having the thought to drive it up further in later years. Oh, and anothet trend I'm not liking is seeing gaming steadily go towards all digital. Xbox is aiming for this, making it harder to really buy a game for an affordable price physically, but also extending the download times if companies continue to get away with putting out games with obnoxiously large file sizes. FF7 Rebirth - while I highly anticipate the game - don't like how much data this game requires just to play. Guess the budget was short and couldn't downsize the files very much.
Okay, I realize I'm rambling off a lot, but it is what I am feeling over the future of gaming. It has me worried, is all. And as worried as I am over my health after Sunday. I am about to talk about the visit, if you want to skip it, just skip any of the underlined text.
So anyone ever dealt with hemorrhoids? I have, but this case is different. After a Sunday shift, I go use the bathroom and as soon as I stood up, I found an awful lot of blood in the toilet. After an hour of trying to get the bleeding to stop, I had to get mom to drive me over to the ER and see what was wrong with me. Turns out I have a swollen nerve that needs to let out excess blood over time, but to this day, I am not feeling too different after all of it. This has been leaving me more irritable and uncomfortable lately. Even harder to keep up with things. I would go much more in depth, but I am honestly fearing of giving a lot more explicit detailing. Hopefully this is clear enough to understand.
It probably doesn't help that my priorities have been all over the place recently on what to do and how to go about it. Work has been leaving me a bit scrambled and I've felt rather unfocused more times than not. I'm noticing that I often space out of a chat and fail to react accordingly to some stuff. I guess you could say my structuring of this journal feels like my behavior. And hell, I feel like my wording doesn't always make sense cause I want to talk to either say my thoughts or just actually talk. Hence why I may ramble sometimes. I am hoping my next journal will be less rambly like this one is, but I should at least give SOME structure while I can. Like some other news on things going on in my life.
The biggest thing this month is a friend and I going on a cruise trip to the Bahamas between February 22nd to the 26th. We leave a day in advance for this and may not be back till the 26th, but I am a bit nervous as this is my first time flying on a plane, going on a cruise, and going to some farther off states in the US. I am praying everything goes smoothly leading up to this as I got some stuff I should be doing before this.
One major thing I haven't done is rebranding this account. I said I would do this as I felt Arnoch hasn't been feeling like a focused OC or even a sona in a long time. I am wanting to get more artwork of him - and even have one I've yet to post - but I want to show who I am as a person and not behind an OC that shares only a tiny part of who I am. But to do this rebranding, you know my Mewsona - Justin - yes? I've been meaning to get him a new ref sheet, but I've been struggling on ideas to the point of some not making him a full Mew as much. And I have a thing for foxes a lot more than cats, soooo...I'm still thinking about it, but are there cat-like foxes in reality? I need some ideas and I would appreciate the help. I'm still somewhat busy with stuff, so I may be a bit on getting back to things. But I do want to get this finalized before the end of the month. Maybe before the cruise, too. All I know is that I got a lot to do and a lot to stay caught up on.
With all that being said, if you did read all this - yes, inducing the underlined text - just tell me how you all are doing. If you're good, happy to hear. If you're not doing well, sorry to hear that and I hope it gets better. After all, the world goes on and things can get better. Hopefully I'll have another update on stuff out eventually, but you all take care now.
To start it off, the Chuggaconroy situation. Honestly, it saddens me to see yet another great content creator I looked up doing some shady shit in the BG. It isn't as horrendous as The Completionist charity scandel, but it's still damning in my eyes to see so much come out about him. Last I checked, he is actually taking steps to better himself and stay offline. I just pray he does right by staying away from the internet for a while and continue to seek therapy(I think it was?) to improve himself. I think a majority of us(or maybe some) can agree he should know better after all this and hopefully he doesn't repeat these actions in the future. And personally speaking, I am tired of seeing content creators I look up to doing something terrible. It just wrecks my mentality as I somewhat idolized them for many years. But I guess this is a lesson of never idolizing every content creator you see online cause you don't know what they're fully like behind the scenes.
Another topic is...a lot of stuff going on in the gaming industry. Mass layoffs still continuing while companies try to keep making live service titles for us to sink our time into. Among other things, I'm frankly exhausted from seeing things continuing to spiral down. I honestly just want to enjoy the games I play without much of an issue surrounding it whether it be the game, the company behind it, or the publisher doing something stupid at the time of release. Plus, it's becoming more of a gamble to sink money into games when many of them are pretty highly priced. Looking at you, Sony/PlayStation, for starting the $70 game trend and even having the thought to drive it up further in later years. Oh, and anothet trend I'm not liking is seeing gaming steadily go towards all digital. Xbox is aiming for this, making it harder to really buy a game for an affordable price physically, but also extending the download times if companies continue to get away with putting out games with obnoxiously large file sizes. FF7 Rebirth - while I highly anticipate the game - don't like how much data this game requires just to play. Guess the budget was short and couldn't downsize the files very much.
Okay, I realize I'm rambling off a lot, but it is what I am feeling over the future of gaming. It has me worried, is all. And as worried as I am over my health after Sunday. I am about to talk about the visit, if you want to skip it, just skip any of the underlined text.
So anyone ever dealt with hemorrhoids? I have, but this case is different. After a Sunday shift, I go use the bathroom and as soon as I stood up, I found an awful lot of blood in the toilet. After an hour of trying to get the bleeding to stop, I had to get mom to drive me over to the ER and see what was wrong with me. Turns out I have a swollen nerve that needs to let out excess blood over time, but to this day, I am not feeling too different after all of it. This has been leaving me more irritable and uncomfortable lately. Even harder to keep up with things. I would go much more in depth, but I am honestly fearing of giving a lot more explicit detailing. Hopefully this is clear enough to understand.
It probably doesn't help that my priorities have been all over the place recently on what to do and how to go about it. Work has been leaving me a bit scrambled and I've felt rather unfocused more times than not. I'm noticing that I often space out of a chat and fail to react accordingly to some stuff. I guess you could say my structuring of this journal feels like my behavior. And hell, I feel like my wording doesn't always make sense cause I want to talk to either say my thoughts or just actually talk. Hence why I may ramble sometimes. I am hoping my next journal will be less rambly like this one is, but I should at least give SOME structure while I can. Like some other news on things going on in my life.
The biggest thing this month is a friend and I going on a cruise trip to the Bahamas between February 22nd to the 26th. We leave a day in advance for this and may not be back till the 26th, but I am a bit nervous as this is my first time flying on a plane, going on a cruise, and going to some farther off states in the US. I am praying everything goes smoothly leading up to this as I got some stuff I should be doing before this.
One major thing I haven't done is rebranding this account. I said I would do this as I felt Arnoch hasn't been feeling like a focused OC or even a sona in a long time. I am wanting to get more artwork of him - and even have one I've yet to post - but I want to show who I am as a person and not behind an OC that shares only a tiny part of who I am. But to do this rebranding, you know my Mewsona - Justin - yes? I've been meaning to get him a new ref sheet, but I've been struggling on ideas to the point of some not making him a full Mew as much. And I have a thing for foxes a lot more than cats, soooo...I'm still thinking about it, but are there cat-like foxes in reality? I need some ideas and I would appreciate the help. I'm still somewhat busy with stuff, so I may be a bit on getting back to things. But I do want to get this finalized before the end of the month. Maybe before the cruise, too. All I know is that I got a lot to do and a lot to stay caught up on.
With all that being said, if you did read all this - yes, inducing the underlined text - just tell me how you all are doing. If you're good, happy to hear. If you're not doing well, sorry to hear that and I hope it gets better. After all, the world goes on and things can get better. Hopefully I'll have another update on stuff out eventually, but you all take care now.
My Discord server is Public!(For now)
Posted a year agohttps://linktr.ee/soulfuxion
I've linked my Discord server in my Linktree to avoid potential bots from coming through. Feel free to join it if you're interested! We do monthly movie nights towards the last Thursday of each month with other activities to come throughout the year. Though, do know this server features fetishes such as fat, vore, inflation, and even TF as well. All I do ask is to behave well here. Nothing more and nothing less. Also, do bare in mind that this IS an 18 and older server. If I catch you being under 18 joining, I'm kicking you from it immediately.
And one last note: I'm only keeping this open till February 3rd. This is to avoid a future raid I once had to deal with for keeping several invite links open longer than needed. After the invite link closes, you have to ask me to come into my server. But please, don't think of it as you need to join right this instant. Like I said, you just gotta ask me here or on Twatter(no, I will NOT stop calling that site by this name unless it's crediting people). Either way, I hope you all have a great day and until next time...
I've linked my Discord server in my Linktree to avoid potential bots from coming through. Feel free to join it if you're interested! We do monthly movie nights towards the last Thursday of each month with other activities to come throughout the year. Though, do know this server features fetishes such as fat, vore, inflation, and even TF as well. All I do ask is to behave well here. Nothing more and nothing less. Also, do bare in mind that this IS an 18 and older server. If I catch you being under 18 joining, I'm kicking you from it immediately.
And one last note: I'm only keeping this open till February 3rd. This is to avoid a future raid I once had to deal with for keeping several invite links open longer than needed. After the invite link closes, you have to ask me to come into my server. But please, don't think of it as you need to join right this instant. Like I said, you just gotta ask me here or on Twatter(no, I will NOT stop calling that site by this name unless it's crediting people). Either way, I hope you all have a great day and until next time...
2024 is here...LETS TALK!
Posted a year agoSo 2023 was...certainly a year. I've talked about a majority of how recent times have been for me back in the last journal, so I'm just gonna be more general about how a lot has went for me this year in categories. Easier for those that wanna just see certain parts of my year, I suppose. So, lets get to it!
This year was certainly filled with various twists and turns when it came to gaming, but I found myself not playing on my Series X this year very much. For PlayStation titles, I ended up playing both God of War(2018) and Ragnarok back to back earlier in the year and to say the least, I can see why these games are overall great. The first game's story was fine, but Ragnarok really turned up the dial when it came to the tension and areas to explore. That and gamplay. STILL have not played the Valhala DLC update due to time, so that's another game to add onto my back burner right there. But immediately after GoW, I went right to Hi-Fi Rush that I bought on Steam and it genuinely surprised me. A horror game studio making this title gave a lot of love and care to it. Nearly 100� it if it wasn't for the update and not having time on my hands, but I definitely intend to go back to it once I get a chance.
And honestly, outside of playing other games such as Gunfire Reborn, Pokemon Violet, Xenoblade 3: Future Redeemed, and even Fortnite with a lot of friends, I think one game stuck out the most to me in how it's influencing me going forward with this new year: Final Fantasy XVI(16). Now before I get into why I love this game so much, I do admit that this game isn't perfect. Some side quests aren't that great as a majority of them are either fetch quests or go to point A to B, making them boring or needless to have. The story pacing is a bit uneven at some parts, not explaining certain things until either much later in the story or not at all. Gameplay variety isn't really here as it's either exploration or mostly combat. I understand the flaws this game has...but I still love it so much in spite of it all. The demo I played prior to launch hooked me in on the narrative alongside the gameplay itself. I stayed with it till the very end, honestly feeling emotionally broken by the end. A game rarely breaks me emotionally and I'm surprised this game really hooked me in this much. Part of that I think is due to the OST. I love a lot of video game music, but MY LORD, this OST pops off for me. So much so that I went in and bought the Ultimate Edition of the OST. I'm still thinking about the final boss and regular battle theme to this day. It's hard for a good OST to leave my head once I get a good taste of it. Does it trump other game OSTs? I don't think so, but it's definitely one of my favorites of all time. Just like how this game has become one of my all-time favorites. When I heard this game is being made by Yoshi-P and the combat is directed by the guy who made DMC5's combat so good, my curiosity was hooked from the start. Hell, I even bought the overpriced $350 Collector's Edition to the game and it made to my house on launch day. That's how excited I was for this game. And in the end, I'm just happy I got to play this game. Now to one day hope I can share a play thru of this game to the world cause I'm that invested in trying to make content around this game. Whether it be a live stream or maybe videos, who knows! But overall, I'm just happy I got to play something that made me genuinely happy in a rather hectic year.
Onto something that is gaming related, streaming! I didn't do a lot last year, but for this year, I'm hoping to get around to streaming a game or two I've left off to the side in completing. One of those according to memory is Kirby & The Forgotten Land for sure since I fell off after my surgery from 2022, if anyone remembers that. But on top of that, I also want to try something new this year I think I mentioned to most of you: Streaming PS3 games. During the last few months of last year, I nabbed several PS3 games that I want to eventually get around to streaming either on Twitch or to friends on Discord. My goal is to show some old games probably not many can see nowadays due to how notorious the PS3 is to port games from to modern day hardware. STILL is making me hope we get ports, but it's a cope filled pipedream to me as of now. SO the tnext best thing to do is show people these games to either give them a first time look at these older gen titles or maybe spark interest in them. It did for me as a young teen, so who knows! But aside from that, I'm still planning to do reaction streams with friends on stuff like Pokemon Day, Summer Games Fest, etc. Just the important stuff as I'm wanting to focus time into playing games and also balancing out other things. Speaking of which...
During the last few months of 2023, I feel like I didn't really accomplish much. I still got images I've yet to post from that year and even write a story or two related to them. It mainly comes down to time and how I prioritize myself. On top of that, I still got story ideas I want to see put out there. And I'm gonna see to it that this is the year I do the most amount of writing possible. Not gonna set a goal for myself on how many I aim to write, but I aim to get out things that build up the world my characters live in. And I got some pretty ambitious ideas in-store for the world surrounding Nasurah as a whole, but I want to take it step by step. And I may need to do this behind closed friends with friends in RPs to get ideas. After all, I can't have my characters exist and NOT use them for some story stuff with them, right? If that makes any sense?
But besides that, I also aim to take time getting some new pieces of art cause one I got in mind is gonna be an update to the Mew himself - Justin - and maybe introduce the other Mew I've written here and there for the past 4 years now - Gemuline. Except for her, I plan to give her design a touch up so others know what she looks like. I have a huge cast of characters as is and the ideas aren't slowing down. All it comes down to is balancing them out. I ain't giving away the entirity of the ideas I have in mind for others, but I aim to get more pieces of art made this year than the prior years. Just gotta pace myself more than ever.
Anyone who knows me has seen me struggle a lot in 2023 between work, getting stuff done, being with family a lot, and even my mentality. If my writing has anything to say about how my mental stability is currently, it's quite chaotic. And I just have so much to say that I want to have it all out there for others to either read/hear me. 2023 wasn't an easy year for me to speak my mind as I've honestly suppressed some thoughts I've had on others, topics, or even myself. Sometimes cause my mind treads into the darkest corners it shouldn't be at, but I manage to snap myself out of it. I'm not downplaying now with how I feel cause in all honesty...I just feel like I haven't pushed myself enough to be living. If there is anything I've learned in 2023, it's how fragile life really is and how I need to better prioritize my time with others. Even for myself to do the things I wanna do, but also give others the time they deserve to have. I've talked and gotten to know so many people the past several years, but I'll admit, it's starting to become difficult to keep up. So what I've decided to do is this for those that have chatted with me across Discord, Twitter, what have you: To invite you to my server. Now, I'm not saying you gotta join it or anything, but I feel like it is the best way to keep up with those I've talked to. But I also want this to be a place where others can get to know one another and grow a larger community. It would also reassure me to see how others are if I checked in with them in my server every now and again, but I'd still be able to chat in DMs and the such. It's just...like I said, hard to keep going back and forth with everything and how my life is. Hopefully this year, I can have more structure to everything to the point where I can just start naturally keeping up with everyone like I used to. All it takes is a good push from others, but most of all, myself to see things through. After all, I gotta be more willing to do other stuff.
I've been through a lot in 2023 to the point where it feels like I haven't done much online. Besides some personal problems, I've lacked the drive to keep up with others, some games, and even do things I know would benefit me in the long run. There have been some bright spots that I didn't mention given prior posts like going to several cons - ACEN, Indy Furcon, and MFF - getting a PS3 to capture footage, played some rather incredible games, and spending time with my folks. It isn't all doom and gloom, but anyone that knows me understands it's easy for my mind to drift into the negative quite often. So, that's what I wanna focus into 2024: To have a more positive outlook on things and be more productitve. Sounds simple, but I know it won't be easy. Yet, I'm giving 2024 my best compared to 2023 in spite of whatever comes at me. I'm expecting myself to do better and I intend to see it through. So what do you all say? Care to join this hopeful man throughout this year? If you made it this far, just respond with your thoughts and the word "Derg" below. I got more thoughts to say down the line, but I figure this is enough for the time being. You all have a wonderful New Years and until next time...
GamingThis year was certainly filled with various twists and turns when it came to gaming, but I found myself not playing on my Series X this year very much. For PlayStation titles, I ended up playing both God of War(2018) and Ragnarok back to back earlier in the year and to say the least, I can see why these games are overall great. The first game's story was fine, but Ragnarok really turned up the dial when it came to the tension and areas to explore. That and gamplay. STILL have not played the Valhala DLC update due to time, so that's another game to add onto my back burner right there. But immediately after GoW, I went right to Hi-Fi Rush that I bought on Steam and it genuinely surprised me. A horror game studio making this title gave a lot of love and care to it. Nearly 100� it if it wasn't for the update and not having time on my hands, but I definitely intend to go back to it once I get a chance.
And honestly, outside of playing other games such as Gunfire Reborn, Pokemon Violet, Xenoblade 3: Future Redeemed, and even Fortnite with a lot of friends, I think one game stuck out the most to me in how it's influencing me going forward with this new year: Final Fantasy XVI(16). Now before I get into why I love this game so much, I do admit that this game isn't perfect. Some side quests aren't that great as a majority of them are either fetch quests or go to point A to B, making them boring or needless to have. The story pacing is a bit uneven at some parts, not explaining certain things until either much later in the story or not at all. Gameplay variety isn't really here as it's either exploration or mostly combat. I understand the flaws this game has...but I still love it so much in spite of it all. The demo I played prior to launch hooked me in on the narrative alongside the gameplay itself. I stayed with it till the very end, honestly feeling emotionally broken by the end. A game rarely breaks me emotionally and I'm surprised this game really hooked me in this much. Part of that I think is due to the OST. I love a lot of video game music, but MY LORD, this OST pops off for me. So much so that I went in and bought the Ultimate Edition of the OST. I'm still thinking about the final boss and regular battle theme to this day. It's hard for a good OST to leave my head once I get a good taste of it. Does it trump other game OSTs? I don't think so, but it's definitely one of my favorites of all time. Just like how this game has become one of my all-time favorites. When I heard this game is being made by Yoshi-P and the combat is directed by the guy who made DMC5's combat so good, my curiosity was hooked from the start. Hell, I even bought the overpriced $350 Collector's Edition to the game and it made to my house on launch day. That's how excited I was for this game. And in the end, I'm just happy I got to play this game. Now to one day hope I can share a play thru of this game to the world cause I'm that invested in trying to make content around this game. Whether it be a live stream or maybe videos, who knows! But overall, I'm just happy I got to play something that made me genuinely happy in a rather hectic year.
Onto something that is gaming related, streaming! I didn't do a lot last year, but for this year, I'm hoping to get around to streaming a game or two I've left off to the side in completing. One of those according to memory is Kirby & The Forgotten Land for sure since I fell off after my surgery from 2022, if anyone remembers that. But on top of that, I also want to try something new this year I think I mentioned to most of you: Streaming PS3 games. During the last few months of last year, I nabbed several PS3 games that I want to eventually get around to streaming either on Twitch or to friends on Discord. My goal is to show some old games probably not many can see nowadays due to how notorious the PS3 is to port games from to modern day hardware. STILL is making me hope we get ports, but it's a cope filled pipedream to me as of now. SO the tnext best thing to do is show people these games to either give them a first time look at these older gen titles or maybe spark interest in them. It did for me as a young teen, so who knows! But aside from that, I'm still planning to do reaction streams with friends on stuff like Pokemon Day, Summer Games Fest, etc. Just the important stuff as I'm wanting to focus time into playing games and also balancing out other things. Speaking of which...
Stories & World BuildingDuring the last few months of 2023, I feel like I didn't really accomplish much. I still got images I've yet to post from that year and even write a story or two related to them. It mainly comes down to time and how I prioritize myself. On top of that, I still got story ideas I want to see put out there. And I'm gonna see to it that this is the year I do the most amount of writing possible. Not gonna set a goal for myself on how many I aim to write, but I aim to get out things that build up the world my characters live in. And I got some pretty ambitious ideas in-store for the world surrounding Nasurah as a whole, but I want to take it step by step. And I may need to do this behind closed friends with friends in RPs to get ideas. After all, I can't have my characters exist and NOT use them for some story stuff with them, right? If that makes any sense?
But besides that, I also aim to take time getting some new pieces of art cause one I got in mind is gonna be an update to the Mew himself - Justin - and maybe introduce the other Mew I've written here and there for the past 4 years now - Gemuline. Except for her, I plan to give her design a touch up so others know what she looks like. I have a huge cast of characters as is and the ideas aren't slowing down. All it comes down to is balancing them out. I ain't giving away the entirity of the ideas I have in mind for others, but I aim to get more pieces of art made this year than the prior years. Just gotta pace myself more than ever.
Personal Life StuffAnyone who knows me has seen me struggle a lot in 2023 between work, getting stuff done, being with family a lot, and even my mentality. If my writing has anything to say about how my mental stability is currently, it's quite chaotic. And I just have so much to say that I want to have it all out there for others to either read/hear me. 2023 wasn't an easy year for me to speak my mind as I've honestly suppressed some thoughts I've had on others, topics, or even myself. Sometimes cause my mind treads into the darkest corners it shouldn't be at, but I manage to snap myself out of it. I'm not downplaying now with how I feel cause in all honesty...I just feel like I haven't pushed myself enough to be living. If there is anything I've learned in 2023, it's how fragile life really is and how I need to better prioritize my time with others. Even for myself to do the things I wanna do, but also give others the time they deserve to have. I've talked and gotten to know so many people the past several years, but I'll admit, it's starting to become difficult to keep up. So what I've decided to do is this for those that have chatted with me across Discord, Twitter, what have you: To invite you to my server. Now, I'm not saying you gotta join it or anything, but I feel like it is the best way to keep up with those I've talked to. But I also want this to be a place where others can get to know one another and grow a larger community. It would also reassure me to see how others are if I checked in with them in my server every now and again, but I'd still be able to chat in DMs and the such. It's just...like I said, hard to keep going back and forth with everything and how my life is. Hopefully this year, I can have more structure to everything to the point where I can just start naturally keeping up with everyone like I used to. All it takes is a good push from others, but most of all, myself to see things through. After all, I gotta be more willing to do other stuff.
In (a chaotic) ConclusionI've been through a lot in 2023 to the point where it feels like I haven't done much online. Besides some personal problems, I've lacked the drive to keep up with others, some games, and even do things I know would benefit me in the long run. There have been some bright spots that I didn't mention given prior posts like going to several cons - ACEN, Indy Furcon, and MFF - getting a PS3 to capture footage, played some rather incredible games, and spending time with my folks. It isn't all doom and gloom, but anyone that knows me understands it's easy for my mind to drift into the negative quite often. So, that's what I wanna focus into 2024: To have a more positive outlook on things and be more productitve. Sounds simple, but I know it won't be easy. Yet, I'm giving 2024 my best compared to 2023 in spite of whatever comes at me. I'm expecting myself to do better and I intend to see it through. So what do you all say? Care to join this hopeful man throughout this year? If you made it this far, just respond with your thoughts and the word "Derg" below. I got more thoughts to say down the line, but I figure this is enough for the time being. You all have a wonderful New Years and until next time...
25 years & 1 work heavy year (Life Update)
Posted a year agoI didn't get a chance to make a post on this any sooner due to how chaotic things have been, but my birthday was back on October 13th. I'm officially a quarter of a century old now in life and it's sort of surprising how fast my 20s have been going. This year especially has felt like it's been coming and going without much in my life being done. At least, that's from a general perspective as I'm typing this all out. But I want to answer one question that's on my mind that I think others might ask me: What's been going on since September?
I had the drive at first to go looking for a new job, but the days slipped by me faster than I thought and lost the window to apply for a new job. I've mostly been working at Panda still and it hasn't gotten much easier. We have a smaller than average crew that is mostly made up of managers or those in a higher position than most of us associates on the job. A friend's birthday is coming up and I can't ask for a shorter than usual Sunday shift off or to swap shifts with anyone. I often get asked to come in for work and I either do so for the extra money or I don't to prioritize myself. Yet, when I don't, it feels like I'm being looked at for being lazy and not wanting to work at all, which means being asked less and less for shift opportunities. With how my life is, I feel like I can't fit much into my schedule cause I might not get anything done personally. I feel like most jobs just want you to work for them and nothing else nowadays. I'm doing my best and I still get occasional shit from them from time to time on here. Namely for not getting any convo rolling when it's dead unless it's a topic that appeals to others, which I've been working on over time since I realize not everyone is gonna be passionate about games or random things like me. As of now, I'm thinking of looking for a new job after I go on a cruise in late February as that is the only thing keeping me from working someplace new right away: future plans and how that could impact my chances of being hired. So that means needing to stick it out here for longer, but if I'm gonna do that, I need to make sure I save my funds and get as much as I can out of this job before I go. That way, I'll feel more secured if the next job doesn't go the way I hope it does. There's still more I need to think and consider on when it comes to work, so I'll cut this part short.
My personal time hasn't been prioritized well. I finally managed to write that story on Arnoch after a hot minute and even get his ref sheet done, but other things haven't been accomplished since then. I have good ideas on what to do, but it feels like either I lack the time to do it, the drive to go for it, or just not energetic enough to do it. A lot of my excitement is sapped for things unless it is something I really love(like FFXVI) just from how tiring it is to see drama on almost anything and everything. I just want to enjoy something without walking onto a social media site and seeing everyone say how shit this is or how shit that is. Hell, it's made me sad to even see a content creator I've loved for many years gets caught doing something terrible and makes me regret even seeing them in person. Feels like nothing in this world is sacred anymore with how the 2020s have been progressing. It's brought out the worst in people as we go on as more problems keep cropping up than resolving them. I honestly just wish I didn't see this much crap on everything on a DAILY BASIS, but I guess that's how the world works, doesn't it?
But I sidetracked there for a bit longer than need be. To continue my thought from earlier, I'm just reminded of the fact that I don't get a lot done from day to day. I don't speak much on what I do as I'm just out doing basic stuff like almost any human being, but then it baffles me how so many people can make stuff while going out. It could just be I've gotten slower the older I get, but I'm 25. Perhaps it mainly has to do with my pacing and my thought process. I've been often been cautious and take time looking into things before making a decision as I want to remove a lot of trial and error situations from my life, but I know that isn't always the case. I just want to promote my personal time above all else, but I think I've forgotten how to balance that with the time I spend with others. It's chaotic and I haven't fully learned either how to move around it or thrive in it. It's gonna take me a while to know what is right for me.
So where does this all leave me? Confused, more than anything. Even as I type this, I have no clue what I'm doing some of the time. I don't know if one thing will work out for me even if I gun for it, but I suppose I need to look more into just what I can do for myself and those around me. I do a lot for others - even if I don't mention it on social media - and they've done a lot for me. I want to always give back in some way I can. Even if it does cost me a fair amount. I don't always make the most effective plans, but I'll be working on stuff in the background after this journal is all said and done.
I do apologize for this being more ranty than need be. I've recently felt more frustrated with myself and want to force myself to work more on things. Though, I feel like I come off as robotic recently with how I chat and respond to others. It's likely that I've grown to be a bit cynical as time went on. If there is one thing I want to look into with myself, it's to see if I can dull that cynicism and get back to how I once felt before these past years have grounded me down. But I don't wish to leave this off on a negative note, so lemme tell you all of a few things that have brought me some joy over time despite how I'm feeling currently. And thanks for sticking with this journal this deep in.
After some time of working, I got myself back into a more financially stable position(despite coming back from a con recently). I was able to get quite a number of things on my mind in the meantime. Some stuff I wanted to collect, some for daily needs, and a few I intend to try something out with. Namely PS3 games I've been picking up. While I'm feeling beaten up by how frustrating it is to get this all set up, I'm looking to come back to streaming as a weekly thing by playing and completing the games I grew up with. The PS3 would be best for me as DS/3DS games would be harder to do without knowing a cheaper method of capturing footage. However, the only thing stopping me from streaming PS3 games is the system's built-in HDCP protection. This means a capture card can't be used on the console since Sony wanted to market this as a multimedia system, but in the process, screwed over their gaming audience and future streamers/content creators who wanted to do stuff based around this system. But I'm actively searching for an HDMI Splitter that can bypass the protection and let me stream games. After all, I can more easily play games and watch my 4K films on my PS5 than use my PS3 as a simple Blu-Ray player. If anyone has any suggestions for a splitter that can bypass said protection, do let me know so I can get the ball rolling on this.
And speaking of streams, I'm a bit excited to try this again, but I'm gonna need some feedback on how to do streams given how little knowledge I have on making a layout and how to go about streaming. Truth me told, I don't know much on how a stream is meant to function and only have the bare basics: A way to show my screen, a USB mic, and a capture card for games. The one I use is an Elgato HD60 S for my consoles, but I'm considering an internal capture card for when I decide to buy the parts I want to upgrade my PC. I'll likely bring this up again in the future, but to anyone that does stream on Twitch, do let me know if you have any suggestions to make for me or maybe work with me on making my set up better. I'd appreciate the help and can compensate you in some way, but I'm likely not gonna be able to afford much until the Holiday season is said and done. We all know how expensive it gets.
Among other things, I did go to MFF last weekend with a close friend, his boyfriend, and two others his BF knew. We stayed at a Motel 6 for the entire weekend and let me tell you, if you don't want to have an uncomfortable time, don't pick this place. Only reason we did was to save on funds, which did help us in spending a bit more comfortably at the con, but the motel was definitely cheap. Floors were filthy, beds were stiff as a board, bathroom wasn't cleaned up, and we even had exposed wires where an old fire alarm used to be above us. Plus, given that it was 5 of us all packed into one room, it did make things pretty uncomfortable for me mostly, but I managed. Sadly, for this year's MFF, I didn't get to spend too much time at the con itself as my friend and I had to leave for my oldest sister's wedding for a majority of Saturday, coming back to the motel in the same night, but we missed a few things to be certain. But I wouldn't call it a total bust on my end despite not getting a lot of time to do what I wanted nor meet everyone I wanted to meet properly. I did get some goodies while I was there(which you can check out right here with this convenient link) and got to spend time with a couple people I'm hoping to know more about in the future. That and I got to meet a few people from Discord/Twitter in person. Honestly glad I did cause they all seem like wonderful folks. All in all, I do want to see what I can do for next year's MFF, so count on me being there again, but to be a bit more flexible on things. We gotta wait and see.
One more thing I want to touch on with this journal: The art I get and post about. I always include something small in each post to add a bit more flavor to them and make it stand out much as I can. I know most won't care for it, but it's extra effort I put into something I still enjoy to this day. Although, I want to look into perhaps getting some more non-kink images down the line, but I'll still be getting kink comms as a whole. Just wish to experiment a bit and get some things that stand out. On top of this, about the stories I write, I intend to come back to that one tale I've left off on for so long. The one featuring Ico - a long lost relative of the Fuxion family - and my sona - Justin. However, I intend to make it an episodic series instead of one big story cause I have too many ideas of where this story can go. I've had the finale play out in my head several times and in different ways, but I want to do something that can be striking as a whole. Although this is gonna be one heavy task, I want to go at this structure and see how well I can perform with it. The working title for these series of stories is "Hallowed Hunter" as it centers around Justin and Ico being taught by a mysterious Samurott named Galaveer in an abandoned training school around the marshlands of Nasurah. However, after being attacked by corrupted spirits named "The Hallowed", Gala has to train these two to better defend themselves against a new, growing threat being lead by a mysterious Typhlosion named Corvis. That's the basis for this story, but I plan to have it with a couple side plots as time goes to expand the lore of the world my characters exist in. But before I even get back to this, I want to write Arnoch's epilogue story to "Distorted Requiem" and I intend to reveal a couple key aspects to this episodic story and about the world as a whole. It's something that has been on my mind for a long time now that I hope you all will enjoy seeing. It may take some time, but I feel like it's something I owe myself after all this time.
I do want to thank anyone and everyone who's been with me in spite of my silence on here and elsewhere. This year just wasn't it for me, but perhaps next year will be the one. Won't know till it comes, yet I can't wait for this year to end to move on to the next. If I can get the ball rolling on things banging around in my head, I could see myself feeling happier about the next year. I don't got any resolutions planned for next year except making little improvements on how I go about life as a whole. And for anyone that has talked to me personally on all this stuff, I thank you for talking to me. And for continuing to believe in me in spite of the last few months. It keeps my hope alive and has been the thing keeping me going. Hopefully, I can repay you all in turn somewhere down the line. But that's all I got to say for now. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I'll see you in my next journal of whatever I write next. Likely gonna be what games I played and loved this year, so stay tuned for that!
I had the drive at first to go looking for a new job, but the days slipped by me faster than I thought and lost the window to apply for a new job. I've mostly been working at Panda still and it hasn't gotten much easier. We have a smaller than average crew that is mostly made up of managers or those in a higher position than most of us associates on the job. A friend's birthday is coming up and I can't ask for a shorter than usual Sunday shift off or to swap shifts with anyone. I often get asked to come in for work and I either do so for the extra money or I don't to prioritize myself. Yet, when I don't, it feels like I'm being looked at for being lazy and not wanting to work at all, which means being asked less and less for shift opportunities. With how my life is, I feel like I can't fit much into my schedule cause I might not get anything done personally. I feel like most jobs just want you to work for them and nothing else nowadays. I'm doing my best and I still get occasional shit from them from time to time on here. Namely for not getting any convo rolling when it's dead unless it's a topic that appeals to others, which I've been working on over time since I realize not everyone is gonna be passionate about games or random things like me. As of now, I'm thinking of looking for a new job after I go on a cruise in late February as that is the only thing keeping me from working someplace new right away: future plans and how that could impact my chances of being hired. So that means needing to stick it out here for longer, but if I'm gonna do that, I need to make sure I save my funds and get as much as I can out of this job before I go. That way, I'll feel more secured if the next job doesn't go the way I hope it does. There's still more I need to think and consider on when it comes to work, so I'll cut this part short.
My personal time hasn't been prioritized well. I finally managed to write that story on Arnoch after a hot minute and even get his ref sheet done, but other things haven't been accomplished since then. I have good ideas on what to do, but it feels like either I lack the time to do it, the drive to go for it, or just not energetic enough to do it. A lot of my excitement is sapped for things unless it is something I really love(like FFXVI) just from how tiring it is to see drama on almost anything and everything. I just want to enjoy something without walking onto a social media site and seeing everyone say how shit this is or how shit that is. Hell, it's made me sad to even see a content creator I've loved for many years gets caught doing something terrible and makes me regret even seeing them in person. Feels like nothing in this world is sacred anymore with how the 2020s have been progressing. It's brought out the worst in people as we go on as more problems keep cropping up than resolving them. I honestly just wish I didn't see this much crap on everything on a DAILY BASIS, but I guess that's how the world works, doesn't it?
But I sidetracked there for a bit longer than need be. To continue my thought from earlier, I'm just reminded of the fact that I don't get a lot done from day to day. I don't speak much on what I do as I'm just out doing basic stuff like almost any human being, but then it baffles me how so many people can make stuff while going out. It could just be I've gotten slower the older I get, but I'm 25. Perhaps it mainly has to do with my pacing and my thought process. I've been often been cautious and take time looking into things before making a decision as I want to remove a lot of trial and error situations from my life, but I know that isn't always the case. I just want to promote my personal time above all else, but I think I've forgotten how to balance that with the time I spend with others. It's chaotic and I haven't fully learned either how to move around it or thrive in it. It's gonna take me a while to know what is right for me.
So where does this all leave me? Confused, more than anything. Even as I type this, I have no clue what I'm doing some of the time. I don't know if one thing will work out for me even if I gun for it, but I suppose I need to look more into just what I can do for myself and those around me. I do a lot for others - even if I don't mention it on social media - and they've done a lot for me. I want to always give back in some way I can. Even if it does cost me a fair amount. I don't always make the most effective plans, but I'll be working on stuff in the background after this journal is all said and done.
I do apologize for this being more ranty than need be. I've recently felt more frustrated with myself and want to force myself to work more on things. Though, I feel like I come off as robotic recently with how I chat and respond to others. It's likely that I've grown to be a bit cynical as time went on. If there is one thing I want to look into with myself, it's to see if I can dull that cynicism and get back to how I once felt before these past years have grounded me down. But I don't wish to leave this off on a negative note, so lemme tell you all of a few things that have brought me some joy over time despite how I'm feeling currently. And thanks for sticking with this journal this deep in.
~~~After some time of working, I got myself back into a more financially stable position(despite coming back from a con recently). I was able to get quite a number of things on my mind in the meantime. Some stuff I wanted to collect, some for daily needs, and a few I intend to try something out with. Namely PS3 games I've been picking up. While I'm feeling beaten up by how frustrating it is to get this all set up, I'm looking to come back to streaming as a weekly thing by playing and completing the games I grew up with. The PS3 would be best for me as DS/3DS games would be harder to do without knowing a cheaper method of capturing footage. However, the only thing stopping me from streaming PS3 games is the system's built-in HDCP protection. This means a capture card can't be used on the console since Sony wanted to market this as a multimedia system, but in the process, screwed over their gaming audience and future streamers/content creators who wanted to do stuff based around this system. But I'm actively searching for an HDMI Splitter that can bypass the protection and let me stream games. After all, I can more easily play games and watch my 4K films on my PS5 than use my PS3 as a simple Blu-Ray player. If anyone has any suggestions for a splitter that can bypass said protection, do let me know so I can get the ball rolling on this.
And speaking of streams, I'm a bit excited to try this again, but I'm gonna need some feedback on how to do streams given how little knowledge I have on making a layout and how to go about streaming. Truth me told, I don't know much on how a stream is meant to function and only have the bare basics: A way to show my screen, a USB mic, and a capture card for games. The one I use is an Elgato HD60 S for my consoles, but I'm considering an internal capture card for when I decide to buy the parts I want to upgrade my PC. I'll likely bring this up again in the future, but to anyone that does stream on Twitch, do let me know if you have any suggestions to make for me or maybe work with me on making my set up better. I'd appreciate the help and can compensate you in some way, but I'm likely not gonna be able to afford much until the Holiday season is said and done. We all know how expensive it gets.
Among other things, I did go to MFF last weekend with a close friend, his boyfriend, and two others his BF knew. We stayed at a Motel 6 for the entire weekend and let me tell you, if you don't want to have an uncomfortable time, don't pick this place. Only reason we did was to save on funds, which did help us in spending a bit more comfortably at the con, but the motel was definitely cheap. Floors were filthy, beds were stiff as a board, bathroom wasn't cleaned up, and we even had exposed wires where an old fire alarm used to be above us. Plus, given that it was 5 of us all packed into one room, it did make things pretty uncomfortable for me mostly, but I managed. Sadly, for this year's MFF, I didn't get to spend too much time at the con itself as my friend and I had to leave for my oldest sister's wedding for a majority of Saturday, coming back to the motel in the same night, but we missed a few things to be certain. But I wouldn't call it a total bust on my end despite not getting a lot of time to do what I wanted nor meet everyone I wanted to meet properly. I did get some goodies while I was there(which you can check out right here with this convenient link) and got to spend time with a couple people I'm hoping to know more about in the future. That and I got to meet a few people from Discord/Twitter in person. Honestly glad I did cause they all seem like wonderful folks. All in all, I do want to see what I can do for next year's MFF, so count on me being there again, but to be a bit more flexible on things. We gotta wait and see.
One more thing I want to touch on with this journal: The art I get and post about. I always include something small in each post to add a bit more flavor to them and make it stand out much as I can. I know most won't care for it, but it's extra effort I put into something I still enjoy to this day. Although, I want to look into perhaps getting some more non-kink images down the line, but I'll still be getting kink comms as a whole. Just wish to experiment a bit and get some things that stand out. On top of this, about the stories I write, I intend to come back to that one tale I've left off on for so long. The one featuring Ico - a long lost relative of the Fuxion family - and my sona - Justin. However, I intend to make it an episodic series instead of one big story cause I have too many ideas of where this story can go. I've had the finale play out in my head several times and in different ways, but I want to do something that can be striking as a whole. Although this is gonna be one heavy task, I want to go at this structure and see how well I can perform with it. The working title for these series of stories is "Hallowed Hunter" as it centers around Justin and Ico being taught by a mysterious Samurott named Galaveer in an abandoned training school around the marshlands of Nasurah. However, after being attacked by corrupted spirits named "The Hallowed", Gala has to train these two to better defend themselves against a new, growing threat being lead by a mysterious Typhlosion named Corvis. That's the basis for this story, but I plan to have it with a couple side plots as time goes to expand the lore of the world my characters exist in. But before I even get back to this, I want to write Arnoch's epilogue story to "Distorted Requiem" and I intend to reveal a couple key aspects to this episodic story and about the world as a whole. It's something that has been on my mind for a long time now that I hope you all will enjoy seeing. It may take some time, but I feel like it's something I owe myself after all this time.
I do want to thank anyone and everyone who's been with me in spite of my silence on here and elsewhere. This year just wasn't it for me, but perhaps next year will be the one. Won't know till it comes, yet I can't wait for this year to end to move on to the next. If I can get the ball rolling on things banging around in my head, I could see myself feeling happier about the next year. I don't got any resolutions planned for next year except making little improvements on how I go about life as a whole. And for anyone that has talked to me personally on all this stuff, I thank you for talking to me. And for continuing to believe in me in spite of the last few months. It keeps my hope alive and has been the thing keeping me going. Hopefully, I can repay you all in turn somewhere down the line. But that's all I got to say for now. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I'll see you in my next journal of whatever I write next. Likely gonna be what games I played and loved this year, so stay tuned for that!
Also, something small
Posted a year agoI do apologize for the lack of communication here and over on Twitter. Work hasn't been easy on me as of late and I ended up having to stay with my current job until some things iron out for me. I'll explain more on a day when I am more free, but just know that I will be giving a beefy update on my life. Just so everyone is caught up.
But as a reminder, I'm at MFF this weekend! I will be gone after 2 on Saturday for my oldest sister's wedding I gotta attend, but I will be back for the final day. Until then, I hope you all have a great weekend!
But as a reminder, I'm at MFF this weekend! I will be gone after 2 on Saturday for my oldest sister's wedding I gotta attend, but I will be back for the final day. Until then, I hope you all have a great weekend!
To MFF!
Posted a year agoYes, I'll be there on Day 0, 1, little bit of 2, and 3 during this weekend! If you wanna find me, I'll be posting what I look like on my SFW accounts on both Twitter and BlueSky, which will be linked down below. Hope to see some familiar faces there this year!
Twitter/X: https://x.com/FuxionJustin?t=gE7qdN....._wKNg&s=09
BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/soulfuxion.bsky.social
Twitter/X: https://x.com/FuxionJustin?t=gE7qdN....._wKNg&s=09
BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/soulfuxion.bsky.social
Work sucks...Again( Vent)
Posted a year agoThis has been on my mind the past couple or even more weeks with work as of now, but I'm getting sick of my job here at Panda Express. At first, it felt hard, but fair to earn my money on the job with new people to meet and workplace to settle into. Almost a year has passed since I was first hired on the job and quit my old one at Marcus Theaters and what do I think of it now? While the pay is better, I can't say the work environment has been a huge step up after our old GM left us due to life issues, to keep the details light on that. We have a new GM and he...really isn't all that great, from what I'm noticing. Not many people seem to like him outside of the other managers on the team, he feels a bit assertive to me to make himself look like our boss, and he has made some odd decisions in sprucing up the place that didn't originally need it. What hurts, though, is that my hours got severely limited when he joined our team and this came at the worst time as I not only had a con to save up for and a vacation, but I also had to pay off my car insurance(thank Arceus mom stepped in to help with that). I know he is doing his best to help the place out, but after what happened on Tuesday(Sept. 19th), I am considering a job change.
I've learned the best I can from here and while I could pick up cooking or learn Back of House stuff, the environment as is hasn't been very gracious on me. I'm put on mostly weekends, only now did they decide to bump my hours up a bit after more than a month of getting 1-2 days a week for scheduled shifts, and that resulted in me picking up a lot of shifts at other locales. And as for the environment I skipped out on explaining, I often feel ignored if I get on a topic I'm interested in or try to be general about it, but other people seem to get more attention when they talk. And the kicker to this that makes it frustrating a majority of the time to talk around here is this: Language Barrier. A majority of my co-workers speak Mexican(please tell me I said that right-) or Spanish and I hardly know any words of that language. I didn't think I'd need to learn another language just to have a normal chat with others on the job, but they can speak English too. Yet, most default to speaking Spanish at times for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, but it makes me feel alienated on the job - just like how the theater once did to me when I was stuck ushering with either jerks or braindead employees. Thankfully I haven't worked with anyone that has been braindead, but I've certainly worked with a manager who - if I may be blunt about this - is a pushy bitch on the job to me ever since I started working here.
Lets call her "G" for short - and for those who know, you know who I am referring to. G has often rushed me to get stuff done on the job even around the time I first started working at Panda, expecting me to be done with things at an unrealistic pace. For example, mop the entire dinning room and bathrooms in 10 minites while changing the bucket 2 times so the water is fresh. With how it takes 2-3 minutes each time to just fill up the bucket, I don't understand how anyone can finish that in 10 minutes. But she's pushed me far too many times and often gave me such a whiny tone over things, often times asking me why I hate her. I didn't want to hate her, but she kept pushing my buttons on the job in a myriad of ways. Often not leaving my orders I need at DT where I need them, but instead leaves them farther away from my reach(Not helpful if there is a constant timer over my head); ignoring things I say a majority of the time and often says she can't understand me; butts into something I'm saying without letting me finish; and lastly: Getting jealous of me not gifting her something for Thanksgiving when I was only gifting my former GM something as thanks for hiring me on the job. I shit you not, she got so petty and jealous over that when I was trying to keep the gift for my GM for a secret that I think, to this day, she holds a grudge against me over it. And Tuesday reminded me after a while of not working with her how much of a dick she can be towards me.
To try to keep this short, I was often ignored when talking on the job back on the 19th, even when discussing my scheduling with the new GM and G as they're in charge of doing the schedules for everyone. On top of that, G decided to close my drawer at DT while I was in the middle of finishing up a task, demanding I go count my drawer then and there despite almost being done. The GM said while fiddling with a broken drawer beneath my register that he'll finish my task, but soon as I came back, everything was as I left it. He didn't do jack shit, but then when it came to tossing out the cups of teriyaki sauce, G and the GM couldn't agree on what to do. G asked me "Doesn't the sauce harden and become goopy?" I was trying to say it does under heat, but she butted in and wouldn't let me finish my sentence, causing me to get even more annoyed and snap at her a bit. The GM called me out on this as there wasn't a need to be rude, but that didn't feel right when the two can't decide on the sauce and the schedules - another problem I've been having as of late with the job. I just kept quiet after that and finished everything else before leaving, but the following morning, I see the following week's schedule already. Not next week, the week after, which is weird cause rarely do they post schedules in advance - and I found out NEITHER of them listened to me on wanting Sunday, Oct. 1st either off or to come at 4 and put me on for 2 till close. They only ever give me Sundays as all day shifts, but it's usually a day where we don't have a lot of employees scheduled and we get rushes more commonly on this day. They only value me for the days they can barely schedule anyone, but from what I heard, other employees are getting fed up with how hours have been handled here as well. And so am I now after all this shit I've been through.
So here I am, just not sure what to do as a guy who is about to turn 25 in a few weeks. At this point, I gotta get a new job cause this one is NOT cutting it anymore with how sloppy management is and finding no way of winning certain things on the job - either getting something done fast and sloppy or go slow and get it done right. It often feels wrong in both cases for me and I'm so fucking sick of feeling in the wrong for shit I decide to do with myself. This job has been making me feel that and even other decisions outside it, but this is about my job. I was feeling a bit more pumped earlier in the month, but not as much anymore. So I plan to apply to other places and PRAY they take me in as I want something and more interesting than working fast food for another several months. If you managed to read all this, just let me know by saying "Marma"(I just came up with it cause I got nothing clever to say). And if you got any advice for bulking up a resume, I'd like to know just so I can boost my chances of getting my next job. I'll still be working my ass off at Panda for as long as I can, but I'm either hoping for a new job or some miracle change to occur. So please, just...pray for me.
I've learned the best I can from here and while I could pick up cooking or learn Back of House stuff, the environment as is hasn't been very gracious on me. I'm put on mostly weekends, only now did they decide to bump my hours up a bit after more than a month of getting 1-2 days a week for scheduled shifts, and that resulted in me picking up a lot of shifts at other locales. And as for the environment I skipped out on explaining, I often feel ignored if I get on a topic I'm interested in or try to be general about it, but other people seem to get more attention when they talk. And the kicker to this that makes it frustrating a majority of the time to talk around here is this: Language Barrier. A majority of my co-workers speak Mexican(please tell me I said that right-) or Spanish and I hardly know any words of that language. I didn't think I'd need to learn another language just to have a normal chat with others on the job, but they can speak English too. Yet, most default to speaking Spanish at times for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, but it makes me feel alienated on the job - just like how the theater once did to me when I was stuck ushering with either jerks or braindead employees. Thankfully I haven't worked with anyone that has been braindead, but I've certainly worked with a manager who - if I may be blunt about this - is a pushy bitch on the job to me ever since I started working here.
Lets call her "G" for short - and for those who know, you know who I am referring to. G has often rushed me to get stuff done on the job even around the time I first started working at Panda, expecting me to be done with things at an unrealistic pace. For example, mop the entire dinning room and bathrooms in 10 minites while changing the bucket 2 times so the water is fresh. With how it takes 2-3 minutes each time to just fill up the bucket, I don't understand how anyone can finish that in 10 minutes. But she's pushed me far too many times and often gave me such a whiny tone over things, often times asking me why I hate her. I didn't want to hate her, but she kept pushing my buttons on the job in a myriad of ways. Often not leaving my orders I need at DT where I need them, but instead leaves them farther away from my reach(Not helpful if there is a constant timer over my head); ignoring things I say a majority of the time and often says she can't understand me; butts into something I'm saying without letting me finish; and lastly: Getting jealous of me not gifting her something for Thanksgiving when I was only gifting my former GM something as thanks for hiring me on the job. I shit you not, she got so petty and jealous over that when I was trying to keep the gift for my GM for a secret that I think, to this day, she holds a grudge against me over it. And Tuesday reminded me after a while of not working with her how much of a dick she can be towards me.
To try to keep this short, I was often ignored when talking on the job back on the 19th, even when discussing my scheduling with the new GM and G as they're in charge of doing the schedules for everyone. On top of that, G decided to close my drawer at DT while I was in the middle of finishing up a task, demanding I go count my drawer then and there despite almost being done. The GM said while fiddling with a broken drawer beneath my register that he'll finish my task, but soon as I came back, everything was as I left it. He didn't do jack shit, but then when it came to tossing out the cups of teriyaki sauce, G and the GM couldn't agree on what to do. G asked me "Doesn't the sauce harden and become goopy?" I was trying to say it does under heat, but she butted in and wouldn't let me finish my sentence, causing me to get even more annoyed and snap at her a bit. The GM called me out on this as there wasn't a need to be rude, but that didn't feel right when the two can't decide on the sauce and the schedules - another problem I've been having as of late with the job. I just kept quiet after that and finished everything else before leaving, but the following morning, I see the following week's schedule already. Not next week, the week after, which is weird cause rarely do they post schedules in advance - and I found out NEITHER of them listened to me on wanting Sunday, Oct. 1st either off or to come at 4 and put me on for 2 till close. They only ever give me Sundays as all day shifts, but it's usually a day where we don't have a lot of employees scheduled and we get rushes more commonly on this day. They only value me for the days they can barely schedule anyone, but from what I heard, other employees are getting fed up with how hours have been handled here as well. And so am I now after all this shit I've been through.
So here I am, just not sure what to do as a guy who is about to turn 25 in a few weeks. At this point, I gotta get a new job cause this one is NOT cutting it anymore with how sloppy management is and finding no way of winning certain things on the job - either getting something done fast and sloppy or go slow and get it done right. It often feels wrong in both cases for me and I'm so fucking sick of feeling in the wrong for shit I decide to do with myself. This job has been making me feel that and even other decisions outside it, but this is about my job. I was feeling a bit more pumped earlier in the month, but not as much anymore. So I plan to apply to other places and PRAY they take me in as I want something and more interesting than working fast food for another several months. If you managed to read all this, just let me know by saying "Marma"(I just came up with it cause I got nothing clever to say). And if you got any advice for bulking up a resume, I'd like to know just so I can boost my chances of getting my next job. I'll still be working my ass off at Panda for as long as I can, but I'm either hoping for a new job or some miracle change to occur. So please, just...pray for me.
So what's up?
Posted a year agoI've been meaning to give a more formal update on stuff for a while, but August was certainly keeping me on my feet with prepping for vacation and a convention all within a 2 week span. Went to Wisconsin with my folks for a full week from the 12th to the 19th followed by Indy Furcon from the 24th to the 27th. But it didn't prepare me financially. From late July to even now, my hours were cut down at my job and I've had to save a lot as a result. I even have my Ko-Fi plugged for now until my next paycheck comes and can feel more financially secure, but that won't be until September 15th. Yes, I did spend a fair amount at the con, but that is part of being there besides going to panels anyhow. Then again, this is my...5th con I've been to, so I could be wrong.
But more importantly, I have been thinking of other avenues of expanding myself in terms of earning funds while also improving my productivity. Especially on here and Itaku - which I have been slacking on posting for a while. While I don't have a definitive layout nor openings, I aim to do occasional story commissions for people and likely charge by the hour based on how long it takes me to plow through a story. Of course, I'd have a timer to use for this, but again, it is an idea for now. Would like to hear from other writers how they do pricing sometime so I don't feel like I am over or under charging people for the work I put in. I am a simple and sometimes detail oriented writer, as anyone who have read my works would know. But I say this as a means of potentially giving me the motivation to write more. Something I have been honestly lacking for a while now.
With me worrying a lot about my funds among other things that have occurred over the summer, it has left me with little inspiration to write and even enjoy seeing posts from others. As for why, I'm not certain. My thinking is that my job has to do with it - especially now that I have a new boss that isn't doing a good job communicating with others on what goes on sometimes. But even then, I can't be certain. I feel deflated and wanting to laze around more than I should, unsure what to do with myself. I've told myself I am going to do something about it, but I often fail in doing so either out of laziness or not having the push to do it. I want to change out of these bad habits by pushing myself for the greater things in life, but even then, I need to curb myself. ...I am unsure if any of this is making sense, so let me see if this sums up how I feel:
> Has a lot of great ideas in mind to do for the future, but as more developments happen in life, those ideas get pushed around inside my head or pushed out for a time. Maybe altogether.
Or in other words, I struggle to keep things in check and knowing what I want to do with ideas. I feel as though that has been a problem with me for some time. As for how I aim to combat this, it isn't easy, but I aim to chip away at some things over time while pushing to do a small project or two to show some growth and effort for mainly myself. (Did I mention I am tired as I write all this out?)
One project I hope to have out by my birthday is a story all about the main guy of my account here - Arnoch. I hardly use or mention him these days, but I suppose that has to do more with how I view myself - either Soul or Justin. You all remember that journal from months ago on switching Arnoch out? I still have intentions for that, but I have a bit of reading into on that to make sure this FA account rebranding goes the way I want it to. Same goes with Twitter namely because I want a fresh look on that site(Before it probably burns down for good, but who knows). But don't take all this as Arnoch potentially going away or even me wanting to put him up for an adopt. I brought him into this crazy life of mine out of random RPs and I'd be damned if I sent him away. However, for the story I have in mind, it will take a while longer to develop than I thought.
But outside of that, I do have some other stuff to speak of: My birthday is within a month! Turning 25 this year and this is a big deal given I will be a quarter of a century old. And for this year, I do wanna celebrate it in the best way I can: With friends and (HOPEFULLY) opening my Discord server to the public. I'm not making a promise, however, it will be open by then, but I intend to discuss more with my mod on changes before opening it up for others to join. My place is meant to be chill and be for fun with a sprinkle of chaos for added amusement. That and fat/vore content, if you wanna view those channels. But you must be 18 years or older to join. No exceptions. You confirm that right after you read the rules to my server, but if you're caught being underaged, its the ban hammer for ya.
But with that aside, I am also going to start rolling out posts I have yet to get out for sometime like commissions I got in the past, stories I wanna quickly write up, and even one story I did for someone. It's an indulgent story for this person and I, so keep an eye out when I post it. And speaking of story posting, anyone know a good editing software for making story thumbnails? Wanna try my hand at it going forward so most of my stories don't look bland.
Okay, okay, I think I've rambled a bit too much on this update, so let me just condense everything down here into bold text.
TL;DR - I have been struggling to have a drive or motivation to do a lot thanks to stress from various sources, but aiming to gain motivation while pushing to be more active across Itaku & FA. All while improving my craft and potentially opening my Discord server on my birthday, October 13th.
Hopefully that cleared things up. But I'm gonna be back on the ball with things. Expect a bit bigger things from me going forward as I'm not about to give up on the ideas I've had. That includes that story with Justin & Ico. That tale has been in the closet for a while, so I'm gonna brainstorm how to best proceed with entries on it going forward. But I think that is all for now. If you actually read all of this and didn't skip around, type "Fix my sleeping schedule" in the comments if you choose to reply to this post. But for now, as I always end these journals...
But more importantly, I have been thinking of other avenues of expanding myself in terms of earning funds while also improving my productivity. Especially on here and Itaku - which I have been slacking on posting for a while. While I don't have a definitive layout nor openings, I aim to do occasional story commissions for people and likely charge by the hour based on how long it takes me to plow through a story. Of course, I'd have a timer to use for this, but again, it is an idea for now. Would like to hear from other writers how they do pricing sometime so I don't feel like I am over or under charging people for the work I put in. I am a simple and sometimes detail oriented writer, as anyone who have read my works would know. But I say this as a means of potentially giving me the motivation to write more. Something I have been honestly lacking for a while now.
With me worrying a lot about my funds among other things that have occurred over the summer, it has left me with little inspiration to write and even enjoy seeing posts from others. As for why, I'm not certain. My thinking is that my job has to do with it - especially now that I have a new boss that isn't doing a good job communicating with others on what goes on sometimes. But even then, I can't be certain. I feel deflated and wanting to laze around more than I should, unsure what to do with myself. I've told myself I am going to do something about it, but I often fail in doing so either out of laziness or not having the push to do it. I want to change out of these bad habits by pushing myself for the greater things in life, but even then, I need to curb myself. ...I am unsure if any of this is making sense, so let me see if this sums up how I feel:
> Has a lot of great ideas in mind to do for the future, but as more developments happen in life, those ideas get pushed around inside my head or pushed out for a time. Maybe altogether.
Or in other words, I struggle to keep things in check and knowing what I want to do with ideas. I feel as though that has been a problem with me for some time. As for how I aim to combat this, it isn't easy, but I aim to chip away at some things over time while pushing to do a small project or two to show some growth and effort for mainly myself. (Did I mention I am tired as I write all this out?)
One project I hope to have out by my birthday is a story all about the main guy of my account here - Arnoch. I hardly use or mention him these days, but I suppose that has to do more with how I view myself - either Soul or Justin. You all remember that journal from months ago on switching Arnoch out? I still have intentions for that, but I have a bit of reading into on that to make sure this FA account rebranding goes the way I want it to. Same goes with Twitter namely because I want a fresh look on that site(Before it probably burns down for good, but who knows). But don't take all this as Arnoch potentially going away or even me wanting to put him up for an adopt. I brought him into this crazy life of mine out of random RPs and I'd be damned if I sent him away. However, for the story I have in mind, it will take a while longer to develop than I thought.
But outside of that, I do have some other stuff to speak of: My birthday is within a month! Turning 25 this year and this is a big deal given I will be a quarter of a century old. And for this year, I do wanna celebrate it in the best way I can: With friends and (HOPEFULLY) opening my Discord server to the public. I'm not making a promise, however, it will be open by then, but I intend to discuss more with my mod on changes before opening it up for others to join. My place is meant to be chill and be for fun with a sprinkle of chaos for added amusement. That and fat/vore content, if you wanna view those channels. But you must be 18 years or older to join. No exceptions. You confirm that right after you read the rules to my server, but if you're caught being underaged, its the ban hammer for ya.
But with that aside, I am also going to start rolling out posts I have yet to get out for sometime like commissions I got in the past, stories I wanna quickly write up, and even one story I did for someone. It's an indulgent story for this person and I, so keep an eye out when I post it. And speaking of story posting, anyone know a good editing software for making story thumbnails? Wanna try my hand at it going forward so most of my stories don't look bland.
Okay, okay, I think I've rambled a bit too much on this update, so let me just condense everything down here into bold text.
TL;DR - I have been struggling to have a drive or motivation to do a lot thanks to stress from various sources, but aiming to gain motivation while pushing to be more active across Itaku & FA. All while improving my craft and potentially opening my Discord server on my birthday, October 13th.
Hopefully that cleared things up. But I'm gonna be back on the ball with things. Expect a bit bigger things from me going forward as I'm not about to give up on the ideas I've had. That includes that story with Justin & Ico. That tale has been in the closet for a while, so I'm gonna brainstorm how to best proceed with entries on it going forward. But I think that is all for now. If you actually read all of this and didn't skip around, type "Fix my sleeping schedule" in the comments if you choose to reply to this post. But for now, as I always end these journals...
At Indy Furcon until the 27th( Minor update)
Posted a year agoAs the title suggests, I'm at Indy Furcon now until the 27th! If anyone is there, please feel free to come meet me as I go around there! I keep things up to date on my Twitter/X account as of now, but if you see a violent/cyan bag with a Sableye plush sticking out, that's me!
Also, as a small update on things, I have no definitive date as to when I shall be opening my Discord server to the public for those looking to find me outside of Twitter and FA. All I can say is that I gotta tighten up the rules and expand on things there. Besides that, I am mostly fine. Once I get time to settle in after the con is said and done, I'll go over more on what's up with me. For now...
Also, as a small update on things, I have no definitive date as to when I shall be opening my Discord server to the public for those looking to find me outside of Twitter and FA. All I can say is that I gotta tighten up the rules and expand on things there. Besides that, I am mostly fine. Once I get time to settle in after the con is said and done, I'll go over more on what's up with me. For now...
Made a Link Tree! More places to find me!
Posted a year agohttps://linktr.ee/soulfuxion
I completely forgot to share this, but I made this and will update it as time goes. Go ahead and see where else I am at!
I completely forgot to share this, but I made this and will update it as time goes. Go ahead and see where else I am at!
Mr. Musk is Braindead as Always
Posted a year agoYeah, so I noticed the recent announcement of Twitter rebranding the app altogether to "X". That sounds like a name an edgy teen would come up with and no longer makes the app iconic in any way. It sounds dull and hollow for how much this man keeps making braindead choices that drastically impacts everyone on the platform.
Also, as a small aside, I feel like I gotta force myself now to set up an Itaku account just so there is another platform you all can find me on. For as much as I enjoy Twitter and finding certain folks on there, the platform is going to shit as is and I want to start elsewhere. I'm at work as of typing this, so keep an eye out tomorrow for when I post my Itaku link.
Also, as a small aside, I feel like I gotta force myself now to set up an Itaku account just so there is another platform you all can find me on. For as much as I enjoy Twitter and finding certain folks on there, the platform is going to shit as is and I want to start elsewhere. I'm at work as of typing this, so keep an eye out tomorrow for when I post my Itaku link.
Short Update
Posted a year agoGood morning, everyone! Hope all of you are well on this platform. I know I haven't been chatting very much on here, but that's due to work keeping me consistently busy. That and other things. I've got a couple plans made of where you guys can find me elsewhere as I know this site hasn't been great in recent times. I'm gonna be working with my mod on Discord to find a second one as I'm opening the server up for a month once the link goes live. That and planning to get an Itaku opened up to transfer my content from here to there. So keep an eye out!
Also, speaking of content, I got a recent commission, but it'll be posted onto Twitter first. You'll understand once you see it.
But that's all the time I got to really say on updates. When I get more free time, another post talking more about stuff will be made. So until next time...
https://twitter.com/SleiperGourmand.....OTcrw&s=09 - Also find me over on Twitter for that post I mentioned.
Also, speaking of content, I got a recent commission, but it'll be posted onto Twitter first. You'll understand once you see it.
But that's all the time I got to really say on updates. When I get more free time, another post talking more about stuff will be made. So until next time...
https://twitter.com/SleiperGourmand.....OTcrw&s=09 - Also find me over on Twitter for that post I mentioned.
Places to find me on
Posted a year agoRemember one thing
All about fat/vore/more: https://twitter.com/SleiperGourmand.....NjMEQ&s=09
Non-Kink Account: https://twitter.com/FuxionJustin?t=.....7Xn9A&s=09
I am on Twitter. Outside of that? Uhhh...Not really anywhere else. Unless you all have a place to suggest me. I also have a Discord, but I sparingly hand out it out. So hopefully to see you guys on Twitter then.
All about fat/vore/more: https://twitter.com/SleiperGourmand.....NjMEQ&s=09
Non-Kink Account: https://twitter.com/FuxionJustin?t=.....7Xn9A&s=09
I am on Twitter. Outside of that? Uhhh...Not really anywhere else. Unless you all have a place to suggest me. I also have a Discord, but I sparingly hand out it out. So hopefully to see you guys on Twitter then.
Quick Notes
Posted a year agoSo wanted to get a couple things out of the way before I sleep here. For starters, I won't be available to actively chat between Twitter and Discord due to being out at a con this weekend. However, Monday I work all day thanks to my schedule forcing me to work far more often for a while. Unsure when I'll have more free time, but yeah, my schedule is screwed.
Another note, however, is in regards to the new FA policy. I make it clear that all my Pokemon characters are 18 in their refs and beyond, even making their designs show as such. If that is affected by the guidelines here, that may be a problem for me. I usually have next to no problems when it comes to these guideline updates(Cause I just use FA to post or see new stuff from those that I follow), but this may affect things.
One last thing: I'll probably be updating stuff on my profile within the next couple months. May take some time, but I want to spruce things up on here going forward. It will take a while, but there is gonna be some noticeable changes to how I display myself. Stay tuned on that, but in the meantime...
Another note, however, is in regards to the new FA policy. I make it clear that all my Pokemon characters are 18 in their refs and beyond, even making their designs show as such. If that is affected by the guidelines here, that may be a problem for me. I usually have next to no problems when it comes to these guideline updates(Cause I just use FA to post or see new stuff from those that I follow), but this may affect things.
One last thing: I'll probably be updating stuff on my profile within the next couple months. May take some time, but I want to spruce things up on here going forward. It will take a while, but there is gonna be some noticeable changes to how I display myself. Stay tuned on that, but in the meantime...
Not at FWA this weekend, BUT-
Posted a year agoSo I hear it's FWA this weekend, but I didn't hear much on it till recently. That and I got a wedding to attend this weekend as of now, so no way I can make it out there for a day.
HOW-EVER, I am planning to go to a couple cons this years including next week. If any of you are there, you can catch me at the following cons:
> Anime Central(ACEN)
> Indy FurCon
> Midwest Fur Fest(MFF)
Just thought I'd toss this out there for anyone interested in meeting me or if anyone I know is going there. But anyways, I'm off to pick up a game this morning. For the time being...
HOW-EVER, I am planning to go to a couple cons this years including next week. If any of you are there, you can catch me at the following cons:
> Anime Central(ACEN)
> Indy FurCon
> Midwest Fur Fest(MFF)
Just thought I'd toss this out there for anyone interested in meeting me or if anyone I know is going there. But anyways, I'm off to pick up a game this morning. For the time being...
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