~angelmacleod

What day are you getting there?
Thursday

How are you traveling?
Driving, well, riding in the van with the rest actually.

Where are you staying?
Aloft hotel

Who will you be rooming with?
Northpaw, Lauren, Shrag

How long are you going?
Thursday until Monday

PERSONAL

What do you look like?
BBW with blonde hair generally

What is your gender?
Female

How tall are you?
5' 9”

Can I talk to you?
Sure. If you can find me in the crowd.

Can I touch you?
If you ask first sure

Can I hug or snuggle?
Hugs,

Are you nice?
People say I am nice. I try to be

CONVENTION

Will you be fursuiting?
Yup

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
Mot sure. Somewhere

What is the best way to find you?
Call or text me, or yell if you see me.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Come over and say hello.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Hosting the Femme Fur Photo shoot

Will you be going to parties?
Ummm I doubt it

Will you be performing?
Nope

What/where will you be eating?
In the room with stuff we brought most likely, Portillo's on Sunday night.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
It depends on the others in the group

Can I visit your room?
Ask and we shall see what is going on. Generally sure

Can I buy you drinks?
Sure!

Can I give you stuff?
I always accept free stuff!

Can I take your picture?
If you wanna

What are your goals for the con this year?
See friends, and host the femme photo shoot

Even though my body is large and my age states that I am nearly half a century old I feel as though I am still a toddler. I desperately try to learn and do what I can to grow as my own person but there are those that feel because I did not follow the path that they set before me that am doing it wrong, that I am incompetent and in constant need to berating and correction. I have gotten to the point that I do not even want to try anymore out of fear of rejection and scorn. Yes I know that there have been poor choices in my life but they were not ones that I had ever experienced before so I was not to know. I have gone to school to learn so many things but it seems to some that all of that time is a waste as I am still a dolt in their eyes. Why God Why? That is all I can shout at the sky. I know that is not the question I should be asking but to what end. Did my brother figure it out, to leave the nest and never look back? To abandon all that helped raise you because some that would not let you fly? I hideaway in my darkened room in a hole in the ground, not like a hobbit all in comfort but to hide from the pain of the guards of my cell, to hide from the feared punishment for not living up to their dreams. But what of my dreams….Am I not allowed to have them? Though I have a most special mate many times I feel all alone. I pray for Jesus to hold me but it gets harder and harder to feel him. I feel the darkness coming back to envelope me, to keep me from his love. A love I desperately need and want but feel though I am not deserving of it. I am a failure, I am a fraud. Everything that I feel I have done for good is for naught. I will fade into nothingness.

Well as much of these posts that different folks place on the various blobs and online journals I figured it was time for an update beyond just the occasional blurb.

First off I want to thank all my friends and family for the continued support over the years, especially since 2007 when I made that really big commitment to change.

Some rather important changes in my health as I age, trust me if you have not already figured out, getting older does have as lot of drawbacks. The most noticeable one for me right now is I need bifocals now. When my parents were kind enough last year to take me to the eye doctor to get a new checkup as well as new glasses I asked the optometrist at the time if he felt I needed them as I have been struggling to see things up close. He assured me I did not need them yet so I went along with the single vision prescription. Well, it seems I do see bifocals. You see I have pretty much stopped drawing and painting miniatures due to the fact that in all honesty I have been struggling to see well enough to produce anything of quality and that is something I just am not comfortable doing. So because of that several commissions I took wound up being on hold and I was too embarrassed to come forward before to say as much and to those I still owe I apologize, you are not forgotten. Good news is that a couple of weeks ago my wonderful fiancé, Northpaw, purchased some reading glasses for me that work over my current eyewear. It has been an amazing thing to be able to see everything again. I have even attempted to practice drawing again, with some minor success. What does this mean? Well it means that I can get back to work on finishing the commissions that I had started and get the work to those that were so generous and understanding to pay me up front for the work because I was in need to money.

Need of money is what leads to my next update. As some may remember I was working part time at a counselor’s office for gas money really. Well that ended in November last year due to the office having to close. I understand completely what happened and why it happened but it still makes me sad. It makes me sad more that I would not be able to help others in that capacity anymore. Anyway, I am now going through my comic collection and starting to prepare them for sale. I stopped collecting over 20 years ago and these books have been quietly sitting in their comic book boxes in a dark cool place all this time. I am not exactly sure how many I have but I do know that I have several gems in there including the first appearance of the Marvel character Deadpool along with Cable and several others. At this point the first ones I am going to put up for sale is my New Mutants collection which includes those two first appearances. I am making these posts about those books being available for purchase here first among my friends before going to eBay. If I do not hear any interested parties in a week or so that is where I will post them for sale. I am in need of raising funds to help with gas, food and medicine here at my parents home where they have been so gracious as to have taken me in back in 2011 in order to keep me from becoming homeless, I am forever grateful.

Next is to let you all know, if you did not know already I returned to college, again, for the last time (I hope) In order to get a career that is not only something that will be substantial but is something I enjoy doing and am kind of good at. That career is in accounting. Back in 2011 when I initially lost my job I went to the Missouri Career Center (Great place if you are in needing assistance in finding a career path) and went through their program. I learned that my aptitude was for Accounting as well as Social Work and the Medical Field. Now while I know there will always be a need for folks in medicine I just was not sure I could handle all of the terminology as well as the emotional stresses of caring for folks in that way. I grew up with a mother dedicated to the care of the sick and she even worked in Hospice in her later years. She is an amazing woman and I so look up to her at the strength she has and ability to do that vocation, I know I could not do it. So for me it came down to accounting. I learned that Accounting is a growing field and has good pay generally as well as something I was good at. Unfortunately at the time I did not qualify for any Pelgrants due to my income the previous year. I tried and failed over the next year to find work elsewhere, anywhere, but I either did not fit the companies needs or I just could not perfume what was needed (see earlier posts about my adventures in the trucking industry.)

Anyway fast forward to last summer. I was finally able to go back to the community college which I had attended many years ago and re-enroll in their accounting program. I found out I only needed 40 credits to graduate with the degree due to all of the credits I already had from previous classes (146 credit hours I think at the time of start) and I could start that summer. I enrolled in my first class, Accounting 101, and learned that it was to be taken online. Now this whole online thing was totally new to me, mo mother, and my dad. I really did not know what to expect or exactly how the heck I was supposed to learn without sitting in a classroom. Thankfully my instructor, Mr. Randall Kidd, had video recorded his lectures and it made it a lot easier to do the homework. I also had great help my two friends of mine who one is an accountant and the other a business major who had taken accounting classes. With all of that support I managed to get an ‘A’ in that class. To say that did not make me feel good would make me a liar. It felt great, my first time coming back to school, in 14 years and after starting a new life rejuvenated me. I was eager to get enrolled in the fall so I could dive deeper into this thing called education. The difference I found going back to school for me now, living as the person I am supposed to be as opposed to the one before, is that I am taking a real interest in everything to do with the education process. I am a very active participant in my classes, much more than I ever did before. I am taking notes, paying much closer attention to everything. I am learning so much more than I ever thought I could. At the rate I am going I will have my associates degree at the end of December 2014 and will be well on my way back into the workforce, being a productive member of society.

Ok here is my 2 cents. You know if you really think about it. Unless you are out on the street starving, lost family or friends because of death or are losing them due to illness life really cannot be that bad. Especially if you live in like the USA or one of the many other developed countries in the world. Time and time again I see many folks crying of this or that, that ultimately are insignificant in comparison to the suffering of others in the world such as Somalia or Uganda.

While I am not saying that being disappointed in the bad behavior of some folks is not warranted, reality checks need to be put in place.

Please. Let us put all of this behind us and be at peace.

Namaste

I just awoke from the saddest and tragic dream I have had in a long long time. From what I remember it started I was seeing myself, a slightly older and slimmer self but it was me. I was at some sort of gathering or convention I am not sure but there was several people I recognized from my past. They had gathered at this place for some annual event. There were thousands of people from all ethnic races and dress from all over. For some reason I headed to a hotel room that looked familiar and I had indeed been there before because items that I have were still there. One of them that sticks out was my chi flat iron, very weird. Anyway there as an assemblage of all of these people and I came forth to bring them the truth, the truth about God and his goodness. There were some that believed, and there were some that did not. Sadly the ones that did not or demanded proof seemed far stronger than those that did. It broke my heart and I felt the need to give them the proof. It was then that I spread my wings in front of them, very tangible and visible wings. There was a great gasp from the audience at the sight of me. To the non- believers this angered them greatly. So much so that the images in my vision began to show a small group that had charged themselves with capturing and destroying me so that their ideal about being alone in the universe could remain their truth, for they feared the truth. The gathering hall began to change in form to that of a large church and a sense of urgency fell over everything. I saw church leaders from all over the world coming to this place to share in their experiences of the truth and the Joy of God’s love. It did not matter if they were Catholic, Jew, Muslim Buddhism, Hindu or just plain ole Christian they were coming….But alas they were too late… I saw an image of the cross morph into some unrecognizable from as I felt the nails go into my wrists and my feet… I awoke screaming and crying… all was lost… They were lost… they did not believe and turned their backs on his love and that is what made me cry so much… How can someone think of turning away from the perfect love of God Almighty…? I was then standing next to Jesus and he comforted me and said that not all hope is lost. There are those that still believe... I still felt the guilt that I was not able to save them. I was not able to convince all of them of his love...

Well once again I am reminded at the fact that I cannot afford to take care of myself due to no job or insurance. Now when I get a medical bill stating that they are no longer going to care for me follow up wise after a stay in the hospital that was an EMERGENCY. What am I supposed to do? I mean I cannot call them back and cry to them that I have no job or no money. I told them that at the beginning, when I first was admitted to the ER.

I normally do not make regular checkups at the doctor because I have no insurance or money or a job. I thought that that was the reason for the ER was to take care of those in dire need, hence an emergency. I guess that is not what some people think. Maybe it would be better off if only those with money or insurance got health care. Let the rest of us die, that will make things better won’t it. You will not have to be burdened with the poor anymore…

Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10493364/

Requirements:
1. Be a member of lady-furs
2. Watch quyetpawz
3. Post a journal about this raffle
(optional) Post on Facebook about this raffle - gives you an extra entry
(optional) Post on Twitter about this raffle - gives you an extra entry
4. Comment on this journal with the link and the word "glitter" somewhere in there.

Friday February 1st started as most normal Fridays do for me. I got up early, got dressed, took my meds and headed to work. My day at the office was like all of my other days, fairly simple, got my work done in a timely manner. I left work at my normal time and headed out. I was on my way to my fiancés mother’s home as I wanted to pay a visit to her because she had just had outpatient surgery. I needed to stop by the bank to deposit the small check I had received for my work that day so that I could cover my car insurance that was due. On my way to the bank the palms of my hands started itching for an unknown reason and I attempted to relieve the irritation my rubbing my hands on the steering wheel of my car but that brought no relief. I noticed that I had received a call from my fiancé as I was driving and I called him. I then found out that his sister had already headed out to get food and I informed him that I will still need to get food soon as I had not eaten since 2pm and being diabetic I did not want to take any chances on another crash. I continued to drive the itching because more and more intense and began to move beyond my hands. At this time I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something that I may have inadvertently come into something that would cause such a reaction. Upon my arrival to the house I went directly to the bathroom and washed my hands. By this time my palms were beet red and still itching. I asked if they had any Benadryl and unfortunately they did not. At this point I asked my fiancé Northpaw to take me to someplace so he could get me some to see if I could get any relief from the discomfort.
We went to the closest Dollar General and we went into the store and Northpaw made the purchase. As soon as I got in the car I tore open the package and Northpaw handed me a couple of the pills and we headed to the Taco Bell around the corner to get me something to put on my stomach as well as a drink. I managed to eat one of the buffalo chicken grillers and drink about 8 oz. of the Diet Mountain Dew before we got to the house. At this point my mouth was going numb and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to speak. By now I was starting to think that I had somehow been poisoned and managed to inform Northpaw that when I got to the home I was going to go directly to the bathroom and remove all of my clothes so that I could get in the shower to maybe wash off whatever was causing the distress. Northpaw took all of my clothes and transferred them downstairs to wash them and as I turned to go to the shower a wave of nausea hit me and I fell to my knees and everything that I had eaten came up. I crawled into the tub and attempted to turn on the shower but pain was starting to settle into my gut and I could not manipulate the faucet. Northpaw tried to help but I think he was just at a loss as he has never seen anything like this before and I was losing my ability to communicate with anyone. I asked that they please call my mother as I knew since she was a retired nurse she would know what to do. By now I was dry heaving and everything was clearing out of my system at both ends (trying to spare you the gory details). I was curled up on the floor naked, drenched in sweat, and shivering. The pain grew more intense and I was thinking I was going to die. I managed to ask them to call 911 at this point as I think that the three of them there were frozen in shock at seeing this and did not know what to do. Thankfully my mother was already almost there and when she arrived she knew exactly what was going on as far as my immediate symptoms, I was in shock. My mother covered me to try and keep me warm and then proceeded to clean EVERYTHING that I has managed to make a mess of while my health fell apart. After a time I do not recall my mother managed to get me upright and dressed again. It then took my mother, father, and Northpaw to get me into the car because apparently my blood pressure was bottoming out due to the shock and I was very weak. I vaguely remember the ride to the hospital emergency room through the pain I was feeling. Thankfully the staff at North Kansas City Hospital was very on top of things and they brought a wheel chair out for me and before I knew it they had me in the ER hooking my up with IVs and give me morphine for the pain. After the X-Rays, CAT Scans, and MRI the diagnoses were Shock, Enteritis, and Mesenteric Ischemia. Thankfully it was not worse than it could have been as they had a surgeon right then in the event that they had to open me up and remove part of my small intestine due to it dying. I spent the next couple of days in the ICU but was moved to regular medical floor by Sunday evening. It was not until Tuesday I was released from the hospital with lots of instructions on how I can slowly transition back to eating regularly again.

I am still somewhat out of it and this incident has once again reminded me how fragile life is, even mine. I hope that I will not become too much of a burden for my loved ones as unfortunately I have a fair amount of health issues that require a lot of care and attention to make sure that I do not die. It is imperative that I educated all those around me that do not already know what to do in case of an emergency how they can keep me alive should I be unable to communicate with them in the event something like this happens again. This was the most intense pin I can ever remember feeling and honestly I wanted to die just so the pain would stop and I thought I was going to die.

I am recovering now and my blood sugars are getting back in control. I just ask all out there. If you have folks around you that you love and care about, learn first-aid. Ask questions, be prepared. You have to be ready because life is too precious and can easily be taken away.

HOW OLD DO YOU ACT?

[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[ ] You own a credit card.
[X] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[X] You've done your own laundry.
[X] You can vote in an election.
[X] You can cook for yourself.
[x] You think politics are interesting

TOTAL SO FAR: 7

[x] You show(ed) up for school/work on time.
[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[ ] You've never gotten a detention/written up for something.
[x] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[X] You like to take walks by yourself.
[X] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.
[X] You drink caffeine at least once a week.

TOTAL SO FAR: 13

[X] You know how to do the dishes.
[X] You can count to 10 in another language.
[X] When you say you're going to do something you USUALLY do it.
[X] You can mow the lawn.
[X] You study even when you don't have to.
[X] You have hand washed a car before.

TOTAL SO FAR: 19

[X] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[X] Your favorite kind of food is take out.
[X] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.
[X] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[X] You can type pretty quick.

TOTAL SO FAR: 24

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[x] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[X] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[x] You have more bills than you can pay.
[x] You pays your bills on time or in advance.
[X] You have been to the beach.
[X] You use the internet every day.
[ ] You have been outside of your home country 3 or more times.
[ ] You make your bed in the morning.

TOTAL SO FAR: 30

[X] You have filed a tax return
[X] You have used a pay phone
[X] You have been served alcohol without being ID'd
[x] You have purchased stamps at the grocery store
[X] You have purchased a lottery ticket
[X] You still have and use a VCR

My Age: 36

Real Age: 42 Hehe, go figure.

[X ] You have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[X] You have your own room.
[X] You own a cell phone.
[X] You have a MP3 player/Ipod/Discman.
[x] Your parents are still married.
[X] You love your natural born family.
[ ] There is a pool/spa in your backyard.
T O T A L: 6

[x] You dress the way you want to.
[x] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[x] There is a computer/laptop in your room.
[x] You have never been beaten up.
[X] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you.
[x] People don't use you for something you have.
[X] You have been to the movies.
T O T A L: 14

[x] You have over 500 friends on Facebook.
[x] You have pictures on Facebook.
[X] Your parents let you have a Facebook.
[x] You get allowance/loan or have a job.
[x] You collect something normal.
[x] You look forward to or went to college.
[x] You don't wish you were someone else.
[ ] You play a sport.
[x] You want to or are doing something after school/college.
T O T A L: 22

[x] You own a car/truck.
[x] You usually don't fight with your parent(s).
[ ] You have never got a failing grade on a report card in your life.
[X] You have friends.
[ ] You've never had detention.
[ ] You never done illegal drugs.
T O T A L: 25

[x] You know what is going on in the world.
[x] You are happy with your life.
[x] You usually aren't sick.
[ ] You know more than one language.
[X] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[ ] You have a credit card
[X] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[x] You don't have any enemies.
T O T A L: 32

Total over all: 32

Multiply it by 3 = 96
101% : A
90-100%: A
80-89%: B
70-79%: C
60-69%: D
00-59%: F
Repost saying "I got a _ In life"

Oh this most blessed day I want to wish everyone a most merry Christmas. No matter what your faith, or lack thereof I hope that all of you can reflect on the fact that we as a species are capable of most wonderful and beautiful things. Cherish one another and sing tidings of great joy. Carry this love in your hearts always and may we have peace on Earth.

Today of days is a day of special recognition of being thankful. Now I give thanks daily in prayer just for another day on this planet to try to be as positive of an influence as possible, I fail sometimes but I still try. But I really just wanted to say I am thankful to my parents, my grandparents, my brother, and the rest of my family. I am thankful for them every day because of the love they show me. I am thankful to the additions of my family, Northpaws mother, grandmother and sister and her family. They have all accepted me with open arms and love me as well. And I am thankful to all of my friends that have stayed with me through all the insane crap that has been my life. So many bolted but my true friends stayed and I have made many great other friends. But most of all I want to thank Northpaw, my mate, my fiancé, my best friend. We have been through so much and look at where we are now, to be married.

I encourage everyone, please try to be thankful for what you have. Life is too precious, too beautiful to be negative. I have to remind myself of this every day but it is true. Love one another.

Have a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving.

Angel

Well my friends I am writing this just to give a little update on my personal life at this time, for those that care. I have been working now for just over a month at my current job and it is great. I love who I work for and we all are wishing that he could afford to give me more hours, but it is just not possible at this time. I am still looking for other part-time work but to no avail.
I have been able to get somewhat caught up on my car payments but not to where I need to be before they will take it. Here is the deal. I am basically $150 short that I need by the end of this week, and that is including what I will be paid for this week. My parents have been doing so much for me, far more than I can ever repay both in love and compassion but they are on a fixed income and cannot do anything more in that department.

I know I have a couple of commissions that are still on the burner and I will get to them so I am not asking to take any more of those at this time. All I am asking if there are a few folks who might have a little extra to spare, $5, $10, $20. If I get enough I can save my car and be able to still get to this job that has been a miracle.

If you can please send via paypal angelmacleod[at]gmail.com

Thank you all in advance.

Angel

Just had a breakdown here. It was not his fault, he did not know, I did not know until I saw them. They were old pictures my fiancé had of him over 20 years ago. It was not so much that content of the pictures but what they represented, the past. All of the sudden all of the pain, all of the anguish that I went through in my former life came rushing back in. All I could feel what the pain of that little child, screaming inside at the world that ‘This is not me! This is not who I am! Why do I have to conform to this ideal of gender that was placed upon me at birth that is not who I am! Why do I have to hide behind this wall of lies and deceit, to myself, to the world?”

Some people may not understand what it is like to feel that way. To be pressured to be who you are not. It was not until 2007 that I finally had the courage to finally be free of the shackles of that former life. As of this week it marked 5 years for me. They have been the happiest years of my life but sometimes the past comes to haunt me and remind me of the pain I once endured.

I ask all of you, please love unconditionally. If someone you know acts or feels different, in any way, just love them. Reassure them that you will always be there for them.

Well I know many of my friends are aware that the doggie I had, Nala, was very old and getting sicker and sicker. Well after this weekend of giving her medicine from the vet and continuing to care so deeply for her we had to take her back to the hospital as she was not eating or drinking anything. Nala was over 16 years old and I know that is at least two years past the average life expectancy so she has had a good long life. But after speaking with the vet we decided that it was time to let her go. She was not doing anything but sleeping all the time save the very few times she would wander into the yard completely confused. We stayed with her til the end, my mother and I. I held Nalas head in my hands as she relaxed and my mother held me. I know Nala is now in heaven with Ginger and the Georges, romping and playing again like she did in her youth. We chose the option of cremation and they will be giving us the ashes. We are going to build up the memorial we have to our beloved pets. They are part of our family and we love them oh so much and will miss them.

Hempdog is running a contest to win yourself your own fursuit head. With heads being one of the keystones of fursuit making/creating...I cant help but want to enter.

Link to the contest http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3831814/

Well I have gotten my registration as of today for MFF so unless things change very drastically I will be going this year. See you soon. - Angel

Well it has been a LONG time since I have posted here anything of length. Basically here is the rundown of what has been happening in my life these past few months.

Back in June, out of desperation for work, I applied for work through Driver Solutions. Driver Solutions are recruiters for the trucking industry. As many of you may know the trucking industry is always in need of drivers to do the job. Now what some of you may not know, the reason for this demand is this job is one of the hardest jobs out there. First off you are driving an 80,000 lb. killing machine on the road. Second, you are working long hours. Third, the maneuvering of these huge rigs is not easy. It takes a very special person to even attempt to do this job.

Now, near the end of June I was accepted to start training at C-1 Truck Driver Training in Springfield, MO. Now this in itself is a big step, especially for me. I am pretty much a homebody and I was venturing into to something that really went against of these feelings. But, due to my desperation, I ventured forth on this trek and went to the school. Now when I got down there it was really fast paced. I was not sure I would even be able to do it but thanks to the excellent trainers in the school and the constant support from family and friends I pushed through and got my class A CDL. Now the next step was to go back home and wait for orientation with PAM Transportation. I was lucky and able to spend over a week home with my family before I shipped off on a bus to Springdale, AR to start with PAM. Upon my arrival I was set up in a nice motel down there and they started orientation the following Monday. Once again it was a whirlwind of information and continued training, practicing maneuvers, and learning the tricks of the trade. After a week I was shipped off again on a bus to Youngstown, OH where I would meet my Mentor. I hooked up with Mary, my mentor, on the following Tuesday and we set off to begin my on the job training. It was a blur of miles as we headed all over Ohio, Michigan, West Virginia, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, Illinois, Indiana, and Missouri. Now, Missouri is where the downhill part of my run really started. The first was at the end of my shift off of exit 121 west bound I-70. Specifically the Midway Travel Plaza that some of you may have seen on the Travel Channel. I fell victim to one of the biggest hazards of a truck driver, fatigue. Even though I had time left on my driving I was super tired and I made a poor observation of my turn and clipped the rear transaxle of the trailer on a concrete pole. This literally broke the front tandems of the trailer and had to be reported to road rescue as well as safety. Now thank goodness there was not any property damage to the truck stop and no one got hurt but it still shook me up pretty bad. We managed to get ourselves in a position where we could finish getting our load to Kansas City but the whole situation, just like dominos fell down. It took a long time to get everything back in a good enough place where we could be somewhat normal. Now at this point I was to be placed on an extra week of training and then I would be able to upgrade. The company had decided to give Mary and I this dedicated route from Niles, MI to Kansas City, KS and back until my training was done and I was ok with that. Mary is a really nice person and very helpful to me. Unfortunately, today was not the best of days. It had all started out very nice as Mary and I had arrived back in Kansas City Sunday morning around 5:30 AM. It was going to be pretty nice, I was going to get a chance to see Northpaw and my parents again, and I was getting a chance to sleep in my own bed, which for me had been almost a month. I let my folks know as well as Northpaw and waited for Northpaws arrival. Northpaw arrived about 7:30 am and picked me up, then took me to my house where I took a shower then changed clothes. We then went out for breakfast which was very nice considering all that I had been eating for the past two weeks. Then Northpaw and I went out for the day. It was so nice to spend my time with him, I considered myself very lucky as I know how this job can keep you away from your loved ones for extended periods of time. Anyway I eventually got settled in back home around 9pm and attempted my best to stay up as late as I could because I knew I would be driving the evening shift at our 3:30 pm scheduled delivery at the GM plant in KCK. Well I only made it to 10:45 pm before I fell asleep. Now this is where it really started to get weird and it should have been a sign that my life was seriously going to change again when I was woke twice from very intense dreams, both of which left me with my heart racing and I was shaking. My gut was telling me do not go back to the truck but I know that was my future, that was my job. Well I finally get up about 9am, take my medicine and then lie back down to try and get as much sleep as I can before returning to Mary and the truck. I woke at noon and got myself ready. I ate some food, then packed in the car and headed back to the truck. I arrived approximately 1:30pm which was plenty of time. I gave my mother a hug and loaded my things back in the truck and set up for the day’s work. At around 2:45 we rolled out to go to make our delivery and the drive over was fine, had no issue at all. Got to the guard shack, showed my paperwork and then headed in. Now some important notes for you that may not know this. On a trailer the tandem axles are sliding. Now what this is for is for multiple factors, one, it allows you to more evenly distribute the weight of your load between the drive axles of the tractor and the trailer. Second, when you are backed to a dock, much of the time it is safest for the trailer axles to the places the farthest back so that they can help support the weight of the forklifts that load and unload the trailers. Now I tell you this as it is standard policy at GM, and many places, that you must have those axles slid all the way back. Now what exactly does this mean for the driver? It means that maneuvering the trailer becomes all that much more difficult. I had never driven with a trailer setup like this before and that played a part in what happened. You see when I left the guard shack I forgot to get the gate pass from them, I did not realize I needed one. Anyway I got all the way to my dock and went in to give my paperwork and that was when I was informed I needed that piece of paper. With a sigh we got the truck turned around and headed back to the guard shack which was a long way back to the front of the facility. As we came around back to the shack we started to look for a place to turn back around after we got the papers and that is when it happened. As I was swinging around to my right a small bit to make a wide left hand turn the front passenger side tandem tire and wheel clipped one of the 4ft tall concrete posts and bent the rim and popped off the tire. I knew I was doomed, I wanted to breakdown and cry right there but I know I had to suck it up and try to finish the job. We called Road Rescue and reported it as we should and waited for instructions. They informed us to move the truck and continue the unload and they would send over a truck. As I started to swing everything around that is when Mary got the message to send in a Macro 19, that is Drop off Trainee. Mary knew at this point that I was done for sure. The news hit me with mixed emotions. Part of me was glad that this happened as I now did not have to be away for so long, the other part was now what am I going to do.

Well Mary completed the unload and reload of things, the wheel got fixed and she proceeded to take me to the truck stop near my home. I had called home to inform my parents of what had happened and that I needed to be picked up. My daddy just said call when you are on 210 HWY. Mary and I got to the truck stop about 7:30pm. I gathered my things from her truck and thanked her for the adventure. We exchanged hugs and she wished me good luck and I wished her safe journey.

I am now back home, in my room. I have eaten my supper and now am writing this journal entry. What does all of this mean at this point? Well I already had a high respect for those that drive in this trucking industry. It is a thankless job when often times people zip around them on the roads and get upset when they are driving slowly. Well let me tell you all something, you better thank every driver you ever meet for doing the job they do. Without them you would not have the food on your table, the entertainment devices such as televisions and computers. These men and women have a ton of regulations that they have to abide by to not only get these goods to market on time but in a safe manner. Please be kind to them on the road and make sure they can see you, it is the best way to be safe.

Thank you all for your support,


Angel

We live in a free country. People all over the USA have the right to express themselves. Honestly I do not care if you are gay, straight, black, white, whatever we should all stop this hatred and just love one another. We do not have to agree with how someone chooses to live their life, which is their choice. They are the ones that have to make peace with their maker be it God, Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, The Goddess, whatever. Bottom line is try not to be rude towards other and respect their feelings. There are certain things that you just should not do in a civilized society. Personally I do not think folks should be having sex in the public, that is a private matter between consenting adults and should be behind closed doors.

In reality, if you do not agree with a company’s policies or beliefs do not patronize them, period. It is your right as a consumer to choose where you shop. The business can think and feel anyway they want as long as there are no discriminatory hiring practices. It is what we have in this country. Just because you are a certain way does not mean everyone has to accept you. Do I think they should have a better respect others, sure but they have just as much right to their opinion as I do.

Live and let live, that is what we should be. Love one another and give peace a chance.

Angel

A 15yr old child girl holds hands with her 1yr old boy.
The people call her a bitch, because nobody knows she was raped at 13.

The people call another child fat.
Nobody knows he suffers from a bad disease that increased his weight.

The people call a man with scars in his face ugly.
Nobody knows that he saved 4 people's lives from a burning house.

If you are against bullying, post this message.

I bet 95% will not do it.

Related video

http://youtu.be/00pkNz0SgX4

taken from azurefox08

Well it is official. On Monday June 25th I start Truck Driving school. Sorry about being so quiet the past weeks but after the previous opportunity fell through I did not want to jinx it. Thanks to my parents I will be able to get started on a fresh start and I will be a truck drive, at least for the 12 months of the contract with PAM Transport.

I am hoping to finally get myself out of debt and start paying back all of those that have helped me these past years. Wish me luck.

- Angel

Ok this is a major RANT. I just got off the phone with CreditReport.com to dispute a charge on my bank account. I had to go to the damn site because a job stated I had to go do this. Turns out this job was TOTAL BULLSHIT!!! And now I have been charged $31.95 for something that was supposed to be free. I mean what the HELL!! I have been without a job since September, unemployment ran out in Feb. I am possibly going to lose my car and now this. I just cannot take it anymore. I am falling apart here. I am just waiting for the sky to fall on me and kill me now as it may put me out of my misery. The guy at Credit Report said he could give me back $17.95 but that was it. I mean really? You lying mother fuckers. This is NOT FREE!!!

*curls up into a ball crying*

know I wont get any response but here goes,

01) Would you have sex with me if you could?

02) Have you Thought about it before?

03) Where would we do it?

04) Top or Bottom?

05) How many times?

06) Position(s)?

07) rough or soft?

08) Lots of foreplay? or get right to it?

09) more than one person? or have meal to yourself?

10) what do you think it would be like if you could?

((Update)) As of Friday I will be without my phone. I have not received enough commissions to keep up with my bills and I will have my phone shut off this Friday due to being unable to pay the bill. This will be detrimental to me in that potential employers will not be able to call me and which is another step to homelessness. I still have openings for commissions and donations are appreciated as well.

Due to my need for money to buy the medicines I need just to stay alive ( I am type two diabetic ) I have opened up myself for commissions. Please read thoroughly before you message me with a request so that you know what to expect. I will let folks now how to send payment when they note me. Also donations for my meds would be greatly appreciated as well. Thank you in advance.

Angel MacLeod's Commissions Price List

General information:
-sketch will be PG or PG-13 rated
-tasteful/"Disney-style" nudity is okay
-no tentacles, visible sex organs, gooey fluids
-sketch will be high-quality digital plus a web-ready version

Tier 1: Basic Pencil Sketch $15
Includes: one character sketch, portrait or pin-up style. Shading/greyscale included.

Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7527537

Options for Tier 1 (additional cost in parentheses)
Basic background like a chair, cushion or bed ( $5)
Complex background like a car, plane, spaceship ( $10 minimum)
Extra character ( $5/character, limit 3)
Complex features like exotic armor, fire, lightning (negotiable)

Tier 2: Basic Ink Sketch $30
Includes: one character sketch, portrait or pin-up style.
Shading/greyscale included.

Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7527566/

Options for Tier 2 (additional cost in parentheses)
Basic background like a chair, cushion or bed ( $7.50)
Complex background like a car, plane, spaceship ( $12.50 minimum)
Extra character ( $7.50/character, limit 3)
Complex features like exotic armor, fire, lightning (negotiable)

Tier 3: Full color picture $45
Includes: One full-color picture of your character. Shading included.

Example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7528105/

Options for Tier 3 (additional cost in parentheses)
Basic background like a chair, cushion or bed ( $10)
Complex background like a car, plane, spaceship ( $15 minimum)
Extra character ( $10/character, limit 3)
Complex features like exotic armor, fire, lightning (negotiable)


Here is an example of a piece that is just about all the bells and whistles and would be around $150 : http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7138158


Thank you again for your consideration.

Also just so you can know if you are wondering I have a graphic design degree from college and have been doing freelance art for over 20 years. In the early 90s I followed the Comic Con circuit as well as several gaming conventions as a working artist.

Ok today has been full of stress since the moment I awoke today. People talk about Mondays, well mine has been full or royal suckage. First off I get attacked again about my lack of employment as if I have not been trying. For some reason certain folks just cannot grasp that you cannot just walk down to the local store and throttle someone into giving you a job. It just does not work like that. I mean I love this individual more than anything but sometimes the passive/aggressive behavior just makes me feel like crap. I already am walking a delicate edge of not falling into a deep depression but it seems that she is not happy unless I am miserable. Why the hell are people like that! I have been struggling this whole weekend with wondering why this world is so full of hate and selfishness. People seem to always be attacking each other because they are different and I just cannot understand why. Why do we have to be that way as a species? For all this technology and promise of a bright future all there seems to be is perpetual destruction. I try to see the good in humanity. I really am trying but it is getting more difficult to see it. At this point I am about to quit it all. Quit life. While I am not quite to the point of suicide I am feeling myself getting close to it. I am doing my best to make good in the rough situation I am in but it just does not seem to be good enough for some people. Maybe it would be better if I just was not around anymore.