Late Night Fever Dream Diaries: 1st entry
8 years ago
Some might find the following unsettling or disturbing. Conservative thinkers are warned.
I've decided I will use these journals as a place to write down the kinds of unnatural thoughts that come to me late at night and keep me awake like waking dreams. I consider them half poetry and half non-fiction. Maybe some will find that disturbing, but I'm choosing to practice my freedom of expression on this one. Most or all will have to do with FNaF. Something within the series- something that Scott Cawthon has intentionally or unintentionally created- has ensnared my imagination; I do not consider myself a normal FNaF fan. The fever dream diaries are more for me to record my thoughts than for anyone else, but read on if you like.
I think my mind knows where the boundaries of logic are. It just likes to wander.
When I was little, I was able to be convinced of things that I knew logically couldn't be true. An older neighbor kid enjoyed playing games with me once she figured out she could convince me of any story she dreamt up. Some mean older kids in grade school made me believe that a wood chip was a magical creature in disguise that needed to be cared for. And for years (almost to an alarmingly mature age), my closest cousin convinced me that she could speak to spirits form a past life and that we had a role of great paranormal significance.
Tonight, staring into the embroidered eyes of my stuffed Bonnie plushie, I wonder if that ability was ever turned completely off. People deceive themselves all the time, that's true. Why does self-deception have to stop at conventional things like believing that your life is in order or at telling yourself that "nothing can go wrong"? I think it can go beyond that. Maybe they call those people that go deeper into self-deception insane. But I think what is thought to be perfectly normal for a child only becomes insanity when one grows up and "should know better". Just consider the idea of make-believe. It's child's play, right? The concept is self-explanatory. Make it up. Now believe it.
The tendency for my mind to wander beyond logical constraints (and probably with the help of all the drugs I've taken) combined with some indescribable, perverse fascination with the horrors of Five Nights at Freddy's often times sets my mind racing on late nights like this. I know that FNaF is just some horror story dreamt up by an indie game maker to jumpscare people for shits and giggles and maybe to earn a few bucks on the side. But look me in the eye and tell me that horror is not at all convincing to the human mind when that same grown man and game maker wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night to slam and lock his bedroom door in hopes of keeping Bonnie out.
I know that FNaF is fiction. I know it's all false. I know I could look at my stuffed Bonnie that sits across my bedroom with embroidered eyes glued to me and tell myself that he isn't watching me... but where's the fun in that?
-A FNaF cult follower
I've decided I will use these journals as a place to write down the kinds of unnatural thoughts that come to me late at night and keep me awake like waking dreams. I consider them half poetry and half non-fiction. Maybe some will find that disturbing, but I'm choosing to practice my freedom of expression on this one. Most or all will have to do with FNaF. Something within the series- something that Scott Cawthon has intentionally or unintentionally created- has ensnared my imagination; I do not consider myself a normal FNaF fan. The fever dream diaries are more for me to record my thoughts than for anyone else, but read on if you like.
Late Night Fever Dream Diaries: 1st entryI think my mind knows where the boundaries of logic are. It just likes to wander.
When I was little, I was able to be convinced of things that I knew logically couldn't be true. An older neighbor kid enjoyed playing games with me once she figured out she could convince me of any story she dreamt up. Some mean older kids in grade school made me believe that a wood chip was a magical creature in disguise that needed to be cared for. And for years (almost to an alarmingly mature age), my closest cousin convinced me that she could speak to spirits form a past life and that we had a role of great paranormal significance.
Tonight, staring into the embroidered eyes of my stuffed Bonnie plushie, I wonder if that ability was ever turned completely off. People deceive themselves all the time, that's true. Why does self-deception have to stop at conventional things like believing that your life is in order or at telling yourself that "nothing can go wrong"? I think it can go beyond that. Maybe they call those people that go deeper into self-deception insane. But I think what is thought to be perfectly normal for a child only becomes insanity when one grows up and "should know better". Just consider the idea of make-believe. It's child's play, right? The concept is self-explanatory. Make it up. Now believe it.
The tendency for my mind to wander beyond logical constraints (and probably with the help of all the drugs I've taken) combined with some indescribable, perverse fascination with the horrors of Five Nights at Freddy's often times sets my mind racing on late nights like this. I know that FNaF is just some horror story dreamt up by an indie game maker to jumpscare people for shits and giggles and maybe to earn a few bucks on the side. But look me in the eye and tell me that horror is not at all convincing to the human mind when that same grown man and game maker wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night to slam and lock his bedroom door in hopes of keeping Bonnie out.
I know that FNaF is fiction. I know it's all false. I know I could look at my stuffed Bonnie that sits across my bedroom with embroidered eyes glued to me and tell myself that he isn't watching me... but where's the fun in that?
Call it madness: https://youtu.be/xOHpz7tMtTA?t=54s -A FNaF cult follower
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