IMPORTANT: moving away for surgery 2024
a month ago
Nov 2024-
I've made the difficult decision to move back home in order to get much needed surgery for severe Endometriosis.
Endometriosis is a complicated disease, it causes growths/tumors inside the body, and it can show up in and around ANY organ (including brain, lungs, heart, bladder, etc). it affects hormones and is also affected BY hormones, which is troublesome, especially as someone who has been in remission from a hormonal brain tumor since last year.
there is very little research and care done for endometriosis. it is difficult and sometimes impossible to find a doctor who will take you seriously and not just turn you away with birth control pills (which can make the condition worse!!!)
it can affect organs enough that it kills them or damages them to a point where they need to be removed. I have serious ongoing issues with my bladder, ovaries, uterus, intestines, stomach, etc and the pain has been absolutely unbearable. not sugar coating it anymore.. I've pushed through a lot of things and have had major injuries, I've been hit by a car, I have tons of cuts and burn scars from my life as a cook/chef, but none of that compares to the severity of pain I have from endometriosis. I've had fibromyalgia since I was a teen, so my pain tolerance is quite high too.
I have been struggling very hard this year, but the last few months my health has been deteriorating to the point that I have lost the ability to walk most days.
on my good days, I go to the gym, eat as healthy as I can and take care of myself as much as possible. but everything I've tried has not been pushing off my chronic symptoms.
it started as just a few days I'd have to force myself to rest here and there, but it has increased to most days I am unable to function physically and it has been taking my life away.
I've never wanted to move back home, but with difficulty finding a doctor to take me seriously and trouble with finding an adequate surgeon that takes my self-employed insurance, I've literally no choice anymore
that said, my commissions will be closed for a while and my activity in general will be limited. I will never quit art, but I need to go full time into recovering my body that is being strangled from the inside out.
I hope to spread awareness of this disease and hope people take it seriously and are able to get the care they need. do not wait and try to push through things like I have stubbornly done. if you have or know someone who has severe menstrual pain or pain that cycles with a hormonal cycle, please consider researching endometriosis. I have been misdiagnosed my entire life and am now paying the consequences of taking increasingly strong dosages of birth control for most of my life. no one ever warns you about these things ;_;
I have been slowing down a lot lately, but expect come December I will not be around for a long while
I thank you all so much for your support. I love to draw. I LIVE to draw. I will miss creating and posting often, but I am hoping I will be able to see a surgeon soon and get my recovery planned out.
I hope to be feeling better than ever. sooner than later. I will be back when I can, I know I will miss being here and drawing so very much
all I ask is for good vibes from here on outβπ»
much love,
Kolae ππ
TL;DR I am moving back home in order to have a life saving surgery. my presence will be limited until I recover.
I've made the difficult decision to move back home in order to get much needed surgery for severe Endometriosis.
Endometriosis is a complicated disease, it causes growths/tumors inside the body, and it can show up in and around ANY organ (including brain, lungs, heart, bladder, etc). it affects hormones and is also affected BY hormones, which is troublesome, especially as someone who has been in remission from a hormonal brain tumor since last year.
there is very little research and care done for endometriosis. it is difficult and sometimes impossible to find a doctor who will take you seriously and not just turn you away with birth control pills (which can make the condition worse!!!)
it can affect organs enough that it kills them or damages them to a point where they need to be removed. I have serious ongoing issues with my bladder, ovaries, uterus, intestines, stomach, etc and the pain has been absolutely unbearable. not sugar coating it anymore.. I've pushed through a lot of things and have had major injuries, I've been hit by a car, I have tons of cuts and burn scars from my life as a cook/chef, but none of that compares to the severity of pain I have from endometriosis. I've had fibromyalgia since I was a teen, so my pain tolerance is quite high too.
I have been struggling very hard this year, but the last few months my health has been deteriorating to the point that I have lost the ability to walk most days.
on my good days, I go to the gym, eat as healthy as I can and take care of myself as much as possible. but everything I've tried has not been pushing off my chronic symptoms.
it started as just a few days I'd have to force myself to rest here and there, but it has increased to most days I am unable to function physically and it has been taking my life away.
I've never wanted to move back home, but with difficulty finding a doctor to take me seriously and trouble with finding an adequate surgeon that takes my self-employed insurance, I've literally no choice anymore
that said, my commissions will be closed for a while and my activity in general will be limited. I will never quit art, but I need to go full time into recovering my body that is being strangled from the inside out.
I hope to spread awareness of this disease and hope people take it seriously and are able to get the care they need. do not wait and try to push through things like I have stubbornly done. if you have or know someone who has severe menstrual pain or pain that cycles with a hormonal cycle, please consider researching endometriosis. I have been misdiagnosed my entire life and am now paying the consequences of taking increasingly strong dosages of birth control for most of my life. no one ever warns you about these things ;_;
I have been slowing down a lot lately, but expect come December I will not be around for a long while
I thank you all so much for your support. I love to draw. I LIVE to draw. I will miss creating and posting often, but I am hoping I will be able to see a surgeon soon and get my recovery planned out.
I hope to be feeling better than ever. sooner than later. I will be back when I can, I know I will miss being here and drawing so very much
all I ask is for good vibes from here on outβπ»
much love,
Kolae ππ
TL;DR I am moving back home in order to have a life saving surgery. my presence will be limited until I recover.
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Seriously tho, take care and all the best, we need you at your best and I'll gladly accept less kolae art if it means more kolae.
You have all of my love, best wishes, and hope for good results and a better pain free future with you. β‘
I'm so sorry you have to go through all of that...
You're one of the sweetest, kindest, most lovely people I know and deserve so much more.
I'm glad you can finally get this surgery you desperately need and hope your recovery is smooth, and more importantly that your life I SO MUCH improved afterwards!!
You know you can always reach out to me for anything
I hope you'll feel better in the very near future!
I indeed have not done much research on it, but if surgery is a fix it sounds like it involves removing something that also removes a potential future. I sure hope not. That would be so tragic and you definitely don't deserve that.
Your positivity is so strong I swear it reaches through my screen to make my minutes around your work here on the internet just a little less heavy. I do hope your future is one without suffering. If you are forced to lose one future you may have wanted to save yourself from another more horrible future you don't want, I hope you can go after the job of the doctor (not just money, the doctor losing their future for you losing yours) that forced such a decision on you.
personally, I was recommended to be on birth control right at the start of my puberty due to severe symptoms I had at a very early age, and have been on many different kinds over 20 years now.
stroke risk alone is a reason to not be on hormonal birth control, late 20s and onwards
I have been grieving the possibility that my fertility is going to be taken away. it has never been something I could consider happening to me. it is very possible I will not be able to have children or that pregnancy can be life-threatening in my current condition. but I am facing that reality now.
at the very least, I can only hope I can keep at least one ovary, so I do not need to be on synthetic hormones for the rest of my life. expecting that I may be unable to have children has been a really hard pill itself to swallow, and of course I've had no doctor yet even talk to me about that... that's how bad healthcare is for women currently.
I find this whole disease not only unbelievably painful, but mentally disturbing. the risk to losing fertility and physically not being able to walk or move sometimes is hard to wrap my mind around, along with doctors being so dismissive of my symptoms and pain.
I can only hope to spread positivity, awareness, and love to others. I never want anyone to suffer. I hope that this will give me a new life, and I can especially return to doing things that I love and enjoy, even if it takes away certain things ^^
much love
"Never want anyone to suffer." I suppose that is in reference to the doctor I mentioned. You're a better person than me. Though... as much I may not like it, I guess that may be a contributing factor to my misery. As much as I may not like, one does keep hearing everywhere that vengeance is just never an answer.
If it's true, then may that part of you never change. And maybe I can learn to be more like you and others like you. Less of a drag to be around, to interact with.
Much thanks, much love, and wishing you all the best.
i do think they should be held accountable. but to blame the ones who put me on pills wouldnt make sense for me. the entire health system needs to be addressed, not only for women's care, but as you experienced, even things like antibiotics need to be treated with more caution.
health care has degraded to "band-aids", where things like steroids, and antibiotics, and birth control pills are dispensed as a "treatment" for things, and patients not told the importance of side effects and aftercare from such things. many of my issues and other peoples issues are treated only symptomatically rather than finding the root cause..
i went through this years ago when i had nonstop migraines and unexplainable weight gain (i was starving myself at the time due to the migraines, i was not secretly eating too much). it took me 4 years to find a doctor who would do enough testing rather than give me a new medication- they ended up discovering i had a brain tumor. yes.. a brain tumor. that time i did want vengeance xD!!
but with this current situation, its been very much that i just want to get better. ive grown calloused to doctors, as i've learned first hand that i must do the research on my own and come in to the office with my own gameplan. ive had doctors literally say to my face this year "oh, sometimes periods can just be painful! just try this birth control!"
which is insane and dismissive. i can literally feel blockage in my colon/intestines from the tumors and the growth on my bladder. it is unmistakable and not "in my head" but a physical thing that is REAL and there.
so yes. i am angry at doctors for their mis-care. but i am also tired. i have been fighting non stop to live. i am too tired to fight and be angry.
the best thing we can do though, is spread awareness. i think that is the best use of energy, rather than anger. if i can help other people with what ive been through and am going through- if i can save someone else the time waiting, the headache, the heartache, it is worth it.
people often tell me i am sweet and positive and cheerful! i never think of myself that way, but i try to be as rational and realistic as possible. if that rationality comes off as positive, i'll take it x3! sorry i can ramble on and on about health, its been a big part of my life as an adult now haha. anyway, take care!
Oh wow you sure have been through a lot. I'm so glad you are still here and being as light hearted as you are. So cool that you are getting wiser with it all too (though I definitely wish we didn't have to experience things first hand to get wise, ha ha ha.)
Oh man I can only imagine what it is like to already have a game plan for a doctor. What the doctor's reaction might be. "What? What do you know, you're just the patient."
I agree, very much feels and looks like the best conclusion. Spread awareness.
No worries on the length of reply! I do actually enjoy absorbing information, reading and listening. I'm sorry if my other reply felt dismissive of what you were sharing. I do have a habit still of making things about myself without even thinking of it, when the spotlight should be on others and I'm trying to do better.
Anyway indeed. Thank you, and you take care too.