Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Janet is on a mission to be funny while her boyfriend Jonny is trying to control his lust for Louise.

Janet is on a mission to be funny and to disprove Gaz's assertion that 'women aren't meant to make jokes'. Jonny worries that he is in love with Louise because he desires a 'girlie girl' who wears dresses and doesn't swear. After accompanying Louise on a shopping trip for hair-removal cream he takes a risk and kisses her. Louise tastes of lard and he decides to go home to Janet who tastes of spearmint and lager. He confides in Gaz that he wants to tell Janet but Gaz persuades him not to.

Meanwhile Donna kicks Gaz out of his unhygienic flat so she can tidy it. Gaz thinks he is the 'Master of Cunning' until he comes home to find his flat a shrine to all that is pink, heart-shaped and frilly.

Down the boys' pub Janet is irritating her friends with her bad jokes. Gaz tells Janet about Jonny and Louise just to shut her up. Furious, Janet summons a meeting in the pub and insults each of her friends in turn. However her insults are so funny, they all crack up with laughter. Janet is thrilled that she has finally made her friends laugh and forgives them.

Walking home Jonny says it was a good thing he kissed Louise because it has got Janet over her joke obsession. But Janet has had her revenge - she too has snogged Louise, but found her to taste more mediciny than lardy. But Jonny is still one step ahead because he touched her booby.