Fever Beach
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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By:
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Carl Hiaasen
About this listen
Another instant classic from Carl Hiaasen—laugh-out-loud funny, tackling the current chaotic and polarized American culture (following in the path of Squeeze Me), with two wonderful Hiaasen heroes
“The afternoon of September first, dishwater-gray and rainy, a man named Dale Figgo picked up a hitchhiker on Gus Grissom Boulevard in Tangelo Falls, Florida. The hitchhiker, who reminded Figgo of Danny DeVito, asked for a lift to the interstate. Figgo said he’d take him there after finishing an errand.”
Thus begins Fever Beach, with an errand that leads—in pure Hiaasen-style—into the depths of Florida at its most Floridian: a sun-soaked bastion of right-wing extremism, white power, greed, and corruption. Figgo, it turns out, is the only hate-monger ever to be kicked out of the Proud Boys for being too dumb and incompetent. On January 6, 2021 he thought he was defacing a statue of Ulysses S. Grant, but he wound up spreading feces all over a statue of James Zacharia George, a Civil War Confederate war leader.
Figgo's already messy life is about to get more complicated, thanks to two formidable adversaries. Viva Morales is a newly transplanted Floridian, a clever woman recently taken to the cleaners by her ex-husband, now working at the Mink Foundation, a supposedly philanthropic organization, and renting a room in Figgo’s apartment because there’s no place else she can afford. Twilly Spree has an anger management problem, especially when it comes to those who deface the environment, and way too many inherited millions of dollars. He's living alone a year after his dog died, two years after he sank a city councilman’s party barge, and three years after his divorce.
Viva and Twilly are plunged into a mystery—involving dark money and darker motives—they are determined to solve, and become entangled in a world populated by some of Hiaasen’s most outrageous characters: Claude and Electra Mink—billionaire philanthropists with way too much plastic surgery and a secret right-wing agenda—and Congressman Clure Boyette—who dreams of being Florida’s (and maybe America’s) most important politician. The only things standing in his way are his love for hookers and young girls, and his total lack of intelligence. We meet Noel Kristianson—a Scandinavian agnostic injured when Figgo thinks he’s a Jewish threat to humanity and runs him over with his car; Jonus Onus—Figgo’s partner in white power idiocy; and many, many more. Hiaasen ties them all together and delivers them to their appropriate fates, in his wildest and most entertaining novel to date.
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Story
Valdez Jones VIII calls himself Wrecker because his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather salvaged shipwrecks for a living. So is it destiny, irony, or just bad luck when Wrecker comes across a speedboat that has run hard aground on a sand flat? The men in the boat don't want Wrecker to call for help—in fact, they'll pay him to forget he ever saw them. Wrecker would be happy to forget, but he keeps seeing these men all over Key West—at the marina, even in the cemetery. And now they want more than his silence—they want a lookout.
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Wish Hiaasen would get off his political soapbox
- By J. A. Stephenson on 09-30-23
By: Carl Hiaasen
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The Edible Exile
- A Byliner Original
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Cuervo is a pampered Nicaraguan moneyman, funding a guerrilla war from his cushy Miami penthouse. Sixto is his hulking, pistol-packing attendant, whose job satisfaction is on the wane. When an aging mobster enters their lives with a promise to help the rebel cause - with a planeload of chickens originally intended for voodoo sacrifice - a tense situation turns combustible. From the wickedly funny mind of Carl Hiaasen comes "The Edible Exile", a raucous story of sleazeball nihilists, lovable thugs, and jungle-weary freedom fighters who collide in a battle of wills, ego, and the almighty dollar.
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A bit short
- By JC on 09-10-15
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Tourist Season
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless "snowbirds" away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt.
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CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
- By Tracy P. on 02-08-17
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Double Whammy
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A twisted tale of murder in the world of big-stakes bass fishing tournaments. Filled with ex-wives, evangelists, and an armed pit-bull, this is a story that could only be concocted by Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and czar of Florida noir fiction.
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Not for dog lovers
- By Tonette on 01-21-08
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Squirm
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Some facts about Billy Dickens: He once saw a biker swerve across the road in order to run over a snake. Later, that motorcycle somehow ended up at the bottom of a canal. Billy isn't the type to let things go. Some facts about Billy's family: They've lived in six different Florida towns because Billy's mom insists on getting a house near a bald eagle nest. Billy's dad left when he was four and is a total mystery. Billy has just found his dad's address - in Montana.
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Great kids book
- By Helen W. on 10-13-18
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Dance of the Reptiles
- Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected Columns
- By: Carl Hiaasen, Diane Stevenson - editor
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen’s Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories—large and small—that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction.
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Great book. Required reading!
- By Ron on 02-12-14
By: Carl Hiaasen, and others
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Wrecker
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Ron Butler
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Valdez Jones VIII calls himself Wrecker because his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather salvaged shipwrecks for a living. So is it destiny, irony, or just bad luck when Wrecker comes across a speedboat that has run hard aground on a sand flat? The men in the boat don't want Wrecker to call for help—in fact, they'll pay him to forget he ever saw them. Wrecker would be happy to forget, but he keeps seeing these men all over Key West—at the marina, even in the cemetery. And now they want more than his silence—they want a lookout.
-
-
Wish Hiaasen would get off his political soapbox
- By J. A. Stephenson on 09-30-23
By: Carl Hiaasen
-
The Edible Exile
- A Byliner Original
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Cuervo is a pampered Nicaraguan moneyman, funding a guerrilla war from his cushy Miami penthouse. Sixto is his hulking, pistol-packing attendant, whose job satisfaction is on the wane. When an aging mobster enters their lives with a promise to help the rebel cause - with a planeload of chickens originally intended for voodoo sacrifice - a tense situation turns combustible. From the wickedly funny mind of Carl Hiaasen comes "The Edible Exile", a raucous story of sleazeball nihilists, lovable thugs, and jungle-weary freedom fighters who collide in a battle of wills, ego, and the almighty dollar.
-
-
A bit short
- By JC on 09-10-15
By: Carl Hiaasen
-
Tourist Season
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless "snowbirds" away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt.
-
-
CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
- By Tracy P. on 02-08-17
By: Carl Hiaasen
-
Double Whammy
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A twisted tale of murder in the world of big-stakes bass fishing tournaments. Filled with ex-wives, evangelists, and an armed pit-bull, this is a story that could only be concocted by Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and czar of Florida noir fiction.
-
-
Not for dog lovers
- By Tonette on 01-21-08
By: Carl Hiaasen
-
Squirm
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Some facts about Billy Dickens: He once saw a biker swerve across the road in order to run over a snake. Later, that motorcycle somehow ended up at the bottom of a canal. Billy isn't the type to let things go. Some facts about Billy's family: They've lived in six different Florida towns because Billy's mom insists on getting a house near a bald eagle nest. Billy's dad left when he was four and is a total mystery. Billy has just found his dad's address - in Montana.
-
-
Great kids book
- By Helen W. on 10-13-18
By: Carl Hiaasen
-
Dance of the Reptiles
- Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected Columns
- By: Carl Hiaasen, Diane Stevenson - editor
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen’s Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories—large and small—that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction.
-
-
Great book. Required reading!
- By Ron on 02-12-14
By: Carl Hiaasen, and others
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Powder Burn
- By: Carl Hiaasen, Bill Montalbano
- Narrated by: Robert Ramirez
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
New York Times best-selling author Carl Hiaasen teamed up with journalist Bill Montalbano for this gripping thriller. Powder Burn stars Chris Meadows, a successful Miami architect who's leaving a meeting with an ex-girlfriend when he sees a car strike his ex, killing her. But the nightmare is only just beginning. As a witness to the crime, Chris knows the car's passengers - thugs linked to Miami's deadliest drug lords - are sure to come after him next. But what can he do if the police refuse to give him protection?
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I Love Carl Hiaasen, but man this was the hard
- By Samantha on 09-30-13
By: Carl Hiaasen, and others
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Nightshade
- By: Michael Connelly
- Length: 11 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Detective Stilwell has been "exiled" to a low-key post policing rustic Catalina Island, after department politics drove him off a homicide desk on the mainland. But while following up the usual drunk-and-disorderlies and petty thefts that come with his new territory, Detective Stilwell gets a report of a body found wrapped in plastic and weighed down at the bottom of the harbor. Crossing all lines of protocol and jurisdiction, he starts doggedly working the case.
By: Michael Connelly
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Nobody's Fool
- By: Harlan Coben
- Narrated by: Vikas Adam
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A year after the devastating events that took place in Fool Me Once, Harlan Coben’s bestselling thriller and #1 Netflix series, a secret from former Detective Sami Kierce's college days comes back to haunt him. Present day is hard enough for the disgraced Kierce, but his past isn’t through with him yet…
By: Harlan Coben
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Never Say Die
- A Jane Smith Thriller
- By: James Patterson, Mike Lupica
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Attorney Jane Smith’s top client is a Hamptons real estate celebrity standing trial for triple homicide. When her client’s many enemies put Jane at the top of their kill list, mounting a legal defense turns into self-defense. Knowing every day in court could be her last, she’s armed and ready: with brilliant arguments, hard evidence—and two Glock 26s. Until she hears the words “not guilty,” Jane Smith will Never Say Die.
By: James Patterson, and others
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Unti Silva Novel 2025
- A Novel
- By: Daniel Silva
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Master novelist Daniel Silva has thrilled readers with twenty-four thoughtful and gripping spy novels featuring the “much-loved Gabriel Allon” (Booklist) and ingenious plots that have taken him around the globe and back—from the United States to Europe, Russia to the Middle East.
By: Daniel Silva
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The Frozen People: A Mystery
- Ali Dawson Mysteries, Book 1
- By: Elly Griffiths
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Ali Dawson and her cold case team investigate crimes so old, they're frozen—or so their inside joke goes. Ali’s work seems like a safe desk job, but what her friends—and even her beloved son—don’t know is that her team has a secret: they can travel back in time to look for evidence. So far, Ali has only made short trips to the recent past, so she’s surprised when she’s asked to investigate a murder in 1850. The killing has been pinned on an aristocratic patron of the arts and antiquities, and member of a sinister group called The Collectors.
By: Elly Griffiths
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Evil Bones
- A Temperance Brennan Novel
- By: Kathy Reichs
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Small creatures—a rat, a rabbit, a squirrel—have been turning up throughout Charlotte, North Carolina, mutilated and displayed in the same bizarre manner. But one day, as Tempe is relaxing at home alongside her aimless, moody great-niece Tory, she’s diverted by a disturbing call. Now, it seems, the perp is upping the ante. This find is larger. Could the remains be human?
By: Kathy Reichs
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Strangers in Time
- A World War 2 Novel
- By: David Baldacci
- Length: 13 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Fourteen-year-old Charlie Matters is up to no good, but for a very good reason. Without parents, peerage, or merit, ducking school but barred from actual work, he steals what he needs, living day-to-day until he’s old enough to enlist to fight the Germans. After barely surviving the Blitz, Charlie knows there’s no telling when a falling bomb might end his life.
By: David Baldacci
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Flush
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Michael Welch
- Length: 5 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
You know it's going to be a rough summer when you spend Father's Day visiting your dad in the local lockup. Noah's dad is sure that the owner of the Coral Queen casino boat is flushing raw sewage into the harbor, which has made taking a dip at the local beach like swimming in a toilet. He can't prove it though, and so he decides that sinking the boat will make an effective statement. Right. The boat is pumped out and back in business within days and Noah's dad is stuck in the clink.
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Adequate, but something's missing
- By Book reader on 09-15-05
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Anima Rising
- A Novel
- By: Christopher Moore
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Vienna, 1911. Gustav Klimt, the most famous painter in the Austrian Empire, the darling of Viennese society, spots a woman’s nude body in the Danube canal. He knows he should summon a policeman, but he can’t resist stopping to make a sketch first. And as he draws, the woman coughs. She’s alive! Back at his studio, Klimt and his model-turned-muse Wally tend to the erstwhile-drowned girl. She’s nearly feral and doesn’t remember who she is, or how she came to be floating in the canal. Klimt names her Judith, after one of his most famous paintings, and resolves to help her find her memory.
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Stuart Woods' Finders Keepers
- By: Brett Battles
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After attending an Arrington properties meeting on Martha’s Vineyard at the group’s newest location, The Vineyard Arrington, Stone Barrington returns to New York City to catch up with his old friend Jack Coulter over lunch, who requests Stone’s help in settling his niece Sara into city life post-divorce. Always one to please, Stone takes Sara under his wing. But when various men from Sara’s past start getting hurt, and Jack’s loved ones find themselves a target in a deadly scheme, it’s up to Stone to put the pieces together . . .
By: Brett Battles
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South of Nowhere
- A Colter Shaw Novel, Book 5
- By: Jeffery Deaver
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A small town in Northern California is at risk of being destroyed by a failing levee, and Colter Shaw has been hired to locate a family swept away by the raging water, with mere hours to survive. But is the levee at risk of failing from natural causes or is someone sabotaging it? With the help of his sister, Dorion, the duo must save the citizens before the old town washes out at the hands of a secret conspirer.
By: Jeffery Deaver