User talk:XDshempXD

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Nobody really cares, but here's my sig.

-- the dorky contralto 16:54, February 26, 2012 (UTC)

My first UnNews is an obituary. How sad.

UnNews:Davy Jones dies, age 66; nobody cared

This is horrible. It probably means that I will be writing more obituaries later on. Probably very soon, too. My specialty is "things that nobody cares about," and since nobody cares when people die, but I have to tell you guys anyway, and if I don't write it, nobody does. This makes no sense, but I'm in a hurry. -- the dorky contralto 02:18, March 2, 2012 (UTC)

I liked your topical UnNews story but reminded me there is no Monkees article on the main site. I was thinking about coming up with a placeholder article (i.e. on the lines The Beatles copied them, not vice versa). Like to know what you think. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:54, March 2, 2012 (UTC)

That sounds like fun, sir. I like the idea. -- the dorky contralto 12:26, March 2, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks!

Thank you for your comments on the Leap Year UnNews, very appreciated. I've written lots of UnNews lately, and find it a nice place to write (my UnNews list, by chronological order, sits at the bottom of my user page). I found the fact about your brain not being able to read a watch, etc., but that many of "your" kind are very good writers (and left-handed, maybe a clue?). Where my brain thing comes in is I have no idea about parts of speech, the standard definitions make no sense to me, nor does math once I get to the algerbra stage. But I tend to write stuff alright. And, I'm left handed! (both, actually, but born lefty). Good to meet you as well! Aleister 00:27 3-3-'12

Your note was appreciated and will be well cared for. And I thought you might appreciate this, one of my favorite articles on the site. It is the user page of a fellow who comes around sometimes, or used to, and he created the article on his user page where it sits today. And I saw Peter Tork of The Monkees on a news show yesterday talking about Davy Jones. As my sitar gently weeps. Thanks again! Aleister 23:58 3-3-'12

Your article

I found no faults in it. So I nommed it for VFH. But I'm probably one of those names too (only I don't know the name of what I likely have, although I could tell time - maybe check out this article I wrote on Rolex watches and see if it makes sense at all, I'd be interested.) You can always polish your page while it's on VFH, yet I found it near perfect and assume you are there too (although on my pages I usually have to go back and edit the spots where I feel a little uncomfortable with the word arrangement, how do you get that? If I have this I in no way consider it a disease of any kind, just how the brain works (jeez, how many ways can the brains of animals who have brains work, zillions of different ways!) Aleister 19:35 4-3-'12

Thanks...

...for liking the Rolex page. I was interested in your opinion, and if it would help you tell time better (just sticks and things pointing at things). My maths skill kicks out at algerbra, and my understanding of parts of speech is nonexistent (is that a category in that difference thing?). And what we usually do around here is continue a discussion on one talk page, so we can talk here or there or anywhere (on a talk page of a little known article and hide, except Puppy would find us talking soon enough). You can vote for your page on VFH if you'd like, or answer comments that people leave when they vote. Thanks again. Aleister 13:25 5-3-'12

Roberto

What I read I liked alot, and will read it all when I'm not distracted. And something on your page gave me my biggest laugh of the month. The best use of nobody cares I've seen here, or at least it hit me the right way:

“Lady Laura! abrazame fuerte, Lady Laura! y cuentame un cuento, Lady Laura! un beso otra vez, Lady Laura!”

~ Roberto Carlos on missing his mom. Nobody cared.

lol as I type this. Thanks. Aleister 23:47 8-3-'12

Please don't get down about the VFH nom - nomming it was my idea and if I was too quick it was because I like the page. Maybe some good comments about polishing and stuff on the nom itself. I'm not a good suggestion maker, but just know what I like. Roberto, yay!, like it alot. Your unnews needs some polishing, but the premise is good and covering spring break is the function of a good journalist. So if the VFH doesn't work this time, it can come back eventually, and it was my fault not yours. It took me well over three months to get a feature (I finally polished Anne Hathaway enough that people liked seeing her polished. She still smiled though, so I had to polish her teeth too). Do you "surf" recent changes to get a feel of what everyone is puttering around here doing? It's an interesting way to see what is happening on the site. Now I will go work on and polish Claudette Colvin, who deserves much polishing. Aleister 21:52 12-3-'12

p.s. And you could put your good articles, that may need a push or a tweak, on Pee Review, where some of uncyclopedia's very good reviewers will review it, and pee on it (it's a pun on "peer" review) and will make it all better!

Thanks for the white rose! Roberto sure likes roses. Annoying, ha, the joke is on you, hahahahahaha of course not. It is fun reading your stuff and getting to know who you are bit by bit, thanks for keeping me informed. And all these characters here should be your friends, they are too weird not to come by and soak you in liquor and make you touch your finger to your nose. People here come and go sometimes, and the ones who are usually here are very friendly except for lots of them. I bounce around, sometimes writing, sometimes editing, sometimes categorizing, and, like everyone else, might just up and leave in mid sentence or mid conversation. You are doing very well, sticking around for awhile now (lots of noobs get into the place for a day and that's the last you hear of them), and I take it you like it here because you enjoy writing, and writing satire in particular. Me, I don't know why I'm still here but maybe it's a four year cycle thing (I came in October of 2009, and outside of maybe seven or eight months of sporadic editing in 2011 have been here since), but I came at first to see if I could write fiction again. Honestly, I have no recall of how I found the site or of why I started several articles, other than it seemed like a fun place. Have you written fiction (or 1/2 fiction and 1/2 fact which is what this place seems to subsist on, that stupid "content free" language notwithstanding) for awhile? You do write well and naturally, and that's when polishing is the most fun. I'm long winded here, annoying you no doubt. I will now categorize the white rose pic to Category:Roses ! Aleister 21:50 13-3-'12

p.s. Ah, you categorized it already! Your noobness is fading! (two minutes later)

Claudette

You made my day! A favor, if you would. Could you scan over my newest attempt at writing, Claudette Colvin, from a woman's perspective? She is one of the great women of the 20th century (the 21st century, not so much), and since the satire is "little known person big accomplishment" I tried to keep it nice and am hoping she reads it and likes it (I'll try to phone her, there's a hint of where she is in the wikipedia page - laying low at her sister's house). Thanks! Aleister 16:53 14-3-'12

Yes! I left a note on my talk page, and then after writing it I went in and maybe fixed the section you found a problem in. A perfect assist, thank you very much. You have an ear for clear writing, and know where the sour notes are. Yay! Al 23:00 14-3-'12

Spring break

Do teachers really give homework for Spring break? If so then I'm surprised the students don't revolt. The news article gives a nice overview of society as a whole, you covered many aspects of why people you know "have to" go to work during Spring break, and are being trained to do so by...teachers giving homework during spring break! I'm bad at giving advice, as my brain works in actually writing or editing (where options dwell), which is why I can't really do pee reviews. Homework on spring break? Why aren't the teachers in jail? Al 11:09 Ides of March Break

Newest, and why is nobody writing you here? Are they crazy?

Hello, left you a note by your note on my page. Thanks for all the writing. Aleister 1:23 22-3-'12

Hey I'm writing to you! But I am crazy.

And I am not an Aleister sockpuppet! I saw you wrote a couple of nice UnNews, my "job" is to read them to make sure no one writes one in orang utan language. It requires a lot of skills... I hope you have a good time writing stuff and never be shy about asking something to anybody or just fool around, that's why we're all here! Mattsnow 22:24, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

Question

Does "close enough" actually exist? Because after 14 years of disappointing the adults, and seeing Google Translate's inadequate translations, I am fed up. So tell me, is "close enough" really worth anything? Just wondering. :) - the dorky contralto 23:57, March 24, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry to cut the fun

But I am 100% certain that El día que me quieras will end up being deleted. Too much language other than English. I wanted to tell you nicely before you spend much time on it and you log in one day only to find it has been deleted. Maybe you could just put one paragraph or 2 of the song and then translate it in a funny way? Because as it is, it won't last :( Mattsnow 01:14, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, the admins do english here, and their second language is canadian, then english again, then back to australian. Your one article had a very nice balance. Nice pic of a guy in a hat though! Aleister 1:48 25-3-'12

If that article is dear to your heart, maybe you could move it in your userspace where nobody can do anything to it? If you don't know how to do it, just ask me, I'll be happy to help! :) Mattsnow 03:08, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

I read the pic, we like everybody here! Mattsnow 00:50, March 28, 2012 (UTC)

Except for Mattsnow, who has so many conspiracy theories that sometimes we think he killed Kennedy. No, not JFK, Teddy! He assassinated Ted Kennedy. Bastard. Aleister

I also strongly believe the Earth is flat and the World Leaders, who are reptile-like creatures living in a bunker on Venus, are trying to deceive us about it. It's a fact XD Mattsnow 18:47, March 29, 2012 (UTC)

I will not treat you to an oxen

You will get no oxen from me! This I vow. When I pass around oxens, and one walks over to you, I will get a Red Panda or a Zzaardvark and one or the other will round up the oxen, and all you will have is oxen sweat from petting it for a few seconds. Hahahhahahahahahahahaahahaha, my Red Panda will say. Aleister 00:49 29-3

p.s. Thanks!!! I just saw you found some of my hundreds of misspelled words on 'Bing Crosby', and once you found them you didn't just leave them there and laugh to yourself, you fixed them! Very appreciated. Aleksteer 1:33 29-3-'12

I changed my mind. Here!!! You now have lots of oxen.

You did find 100 mistakes (I was just kidding, but I guess not). Thanks, or rather, twinkes. Everyone who read it (if anybody actually did) is laughing at the spelling errors, and are telling their relatives to laugh too, but you made them eat their toads. Thanks again, a very nice thing you did. (p.s. the oxen eat hay, and oats and stuff. Feed them every day for best oxen results. I wrote about oxens originally just to play, which is what we do here. On the header I'd meant to write originally "now" instead of not. It came out "no" so I just added the t and played from there. Genesis of a post. Now go play in the street. With oxen.) Alek 12:24 29-3-'12

I got a lick in on homework

Because of your comments about homework, I took a whack at it in the last two paragraphs of my new unnews, UnNews:U.S. Supreme Court allows everyone to go naked. Don't look at the pictures though, just shield your eyes and read the text, and I hope you like the whack-a-mole at homework. Aleister 20:41 31-3-'12

lol, thanks for the oxen! Now we both have oxen. I'm glad you liked the homework bit. Aleister 22:56 31-3-'12

Bing Crosby

For making the page front-pagable.

Thanks! High five to you, because just imagine if the page had gone onto the front page without you catching the forty or so spelling errors (seriously, I'm going to have to count them, but it was a high-five number). I would have been run out of uncy, and for good reason. But you saved my hide and for that.....(I'll copy this to your talk page too, with more oxen!) Aleister 13:04 3-4-'12

p.s. I don't know if you've even noticed that you're nominated at the Noob of the Month page.

Amy Winehouse married me twice!

She forgot the first time, and I picked her up again! Your article tricked me into thinking he was married to Amy Winehouse. Got a lot of laughs towards the end, although I don't know who this singer is. Is he in any boy bands, or does he confine himself to the night bars where he sings for tokens? Amy Winehouse should have married him, at least for her own good, and got drunk with him, although that would have been expensive keeping up with her in the bottle. I don't know about VFH, the thing to do first is maybe submit it for a pee review and see if anyone can stand it without drinking first. I had most of my articles on pee review, and they helped every time, especially if you get a real good writer reviewing the page. It is a gift of manna from where heaven was before it moved over to avoid some people. Good to "see" you again, you have your writing in a smooth swing. Aleister 23:19 9-4-'12

The Sesto article is a good one! If I were you, I'd put it on Pee Review, I think it may well be worthy of VFH with some advice you'll get there! :P I tweaked it a little, btw Mattsnow 14:10, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

These oxen are just waiting around to see when your Sesto article will be finished. The one on the right is pretty fat, and should eat less of what oxen eat, or run more. Sesto could eat what the oxen leaves. Aleister (UTC)

Believe it, I am 100% sober. I was about to put your great article on VFH, I just wanted to know if somebody agreed. Do you know how to put it on Pee Review, my dear friend? Mattsnow 14:10, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

I think that article good enough! You are great! Mattsnow 23:04, April 10, 2012 (UTC)

Right now...

...we share the tops of the front page, the feature article and the top UnNews article on the main page. Couldn't hang out on the main page with a nicer being, except for Sinead O'Connor. Aleister 00:03 17-4-'12

Cheetah keeps expanding and surviving against all odds. I would bring more oxen but you have lots of oxen and might get mad if more show up. I think you left a youtube on my page, I don't have a flash or sound program running on this computer, mainly because I don't know which one to upload which will cause no problems with everything else on the computer, but would like to so I can catch up on some of the vids I've missed. Oxen. Aleister 00:16 18-4-'12

Argh!

I just went to Amor. I now know who that guy is on the right. I'll never forgive you.                                • Puppy's talk page • 01:41 17 Apr

UnNews:Roberto Carlos turns 71; awkward things happen

I added 2 "weird coincidences", I hope that's OK with you. I also put the article on the front page. :) Mattsnow 01:40, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Forum:First Pee Buddy Awards!

Could we add your Roberto Carlos UnNews to the competition, as it is respecting the time rules? Please answer me on my talk page or add it yourself! You can still tweak it if you want, it's quite worth it considering the top prize is a fabulous err... We haven't decided the car's brand yet. Cheers! Mattsnow 21:41, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

Guapetona

Just so you know, there's a forum where some people are having a friendly vote on the most awsome admin at the moment. Consider casting a vote or two if saying something nice about an admin is worth a minute of your life ;) --ShabiDOO 20:58, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

We all need your help...

...Forum:Errors in the portugese uncyclopedia on this forum. Thanks!!!! Aleister (UTC)

Just read your recent article

and it is pretty good! Want to try it on vfh? Mattsnow 05:24, April 30, 2012 (UTC)

Congrats

Noob of the Moment April 2012

--ChiefjusticeXBox360 09:30, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Well, as some of my other Wikifriends say, "Muito obrigado!" Or should I say, Muito obrigada, because I'm a woman. hahahahahahahahaha -- the dorky contralto 21:27, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Buddy contest!!

We are now at the crucial stage of judging the magnificent UnNews article on THIS PAGE! Thanks for your participation. Expect at least a week for the judging to be completed. *Drumroll* I know it will be awfully hard to sleep until the week is completed, but that's what sleeping pills are for. Mattsnow 12:18, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

I really like your attitude

You are awesome! Do you speak Portuguese or Spanish? I myself am bilingual since my maternal language is French, but it took me more than 25 years of experience at life to do that. Mattsnow 12:16, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

PS Just saw the text above. Definitely Portuguese, I knew that Brazil was the only South American country to speak Portuguese. The only cities I know: Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and the capital, Brazilia. Also, do you live near the Amazon River? It seems it's the biggest in the world! Mattsnow 12:21, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya                                • Puppy's talk page • 03:20 07 May

Pee Buddy contest!!

I'm kissing you with passion to thank you for participating in the Pee Buddy contest and writing such a great UnNews! The full results are here!

Mattsnow 01:28, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

I added just a bit to the UnNews and put it on the front page, great topic! :) Mattsnow 01:20, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome, glad you liked it! I remember reading about Wadlow in the Guiness world record book a long time ago. His mom was about half his height! This is a weird phenomenon, I read they die young though :S Mattsnow 04:04, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

Wow, that would really be awesome to write a full article about this guy, I'm sure you can do it! I'd like to see it when you are through, maybe adding something. I have not written much recently, but that UnNews caught my attention (As you maybe know, I check the UnNews) It is a very good subject, one that is not not only funny, but informative and I like that. I'll sure add my 2 cents in the article when you tell me, if you want :) Cheers! Mattsnow 03:32, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

UnNews:Giants more likely to die, studies say Great gallery! You managed to find some illustrating the advantages I added :) I added one, I hope you like it. Mattsnow 15:16, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

I'll see what I can do, but I don't have much time or inspiration lately :/ Mattsnow 03:51, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

guapa

What's your nick in inciclopedia? --ShabiDOO 00:03, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

zhr

I started to type Hello! but had my fingers in the wrong place. So, Hello!, how have you been? I haven't dropped by in a few weeks, have been jumping around doing things, then crawling around doing things, just things. Everytime I see anything related to oxen now I think of you, which is a sad state of affairs if I were in the oxen business, but I'm not. More oxen will arrive at some point. Whoooo, I'm starting to jump around to do things again, here I go..... Aleister 11:32 22-5-'12

Robert Wadlow

Hi! You are my first stop coming home from exile. It's been dusty out here, and I've eaten only locusts and honey. Many cold nights in the desert, with only camels and lizards to talk to. I like your giant man article! You have a unique style which is refreshing and funny, in my nho. Good to see you've stuck around in this godforsaken place, and it's because of you it's not goddessforsaken as well. Giants! Aleister 15:23 August of the 7th in this year of '012

Camilo Sesto tells it like it is

In this video (1992), some stupid woman asks him really stupid questions about his kid. Hilarious! File:Camilo Sesto pone las cosas en su lugar

Translation

Stupid woman: When your kid grows up, what are you going to say to him if he asks where his mom is?
Sesto: Excuse me?
Stupid woman: Like, when he grows up...
Sesto: (interrupting) Oh, where is his mom? In Madrid, or...
Stupid woman: Wouldn't he be all alone, without his mom?
Sesto: Alone?!? (sarcastically) Poor kid, why would he be alone, he has his father, his aunts, his cousins, his grandmother, why would he be alone? There are other kids out there, without anything to eat, and not even GOD looks after them.
Stupid woman: You decided to look after him after a year, because you wanted to.
Sesto: I have looked after him from the first moment. The first moment!
(My thoughts: XD, hahahahaha) -- the dorky contralto 19:05, August 18, 2012 (UTC)

Hello

Hello. I am not around here much anymore. Nobody cared. But I saw your note and did add some things to your recent unnews, which you will instantly delete while cursing my name. This is as it should be. You are still here, and I will be here longer at some point, so all is right with the world. Aleister 18:09 Nov 19 '12

Gangnam Style

Glad you are taking this subject on. However, as much as I like to ridicule Obama, relating this to him is a stretch. I imagined it having more to do with Korea (North or South). Perhaps it is the National Hymn, or the National Style. Also, I looked up the translation of the lyrics (after hearing the song a couple times and needing to know what-the-hell language they were speaking) and it was all about impressing a lady with the way you drink coffee--ready-made for your satire. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 23:35 22-Nov-12

PS--Now User:Joe9320/Gangnam Style is also taking shape. Spıke Ѧ 13:40 23-Nov-12

PPS--Joe's article turned into a first-person essay, well-written but far removed from anything to do with the song. I told him I could offer no more advice on it. But I like what he did more than I like your theme of horse sex. Personally, I don't like links to YouTube in articles, Uncyclopedia being about writing new, funny stuff, not pointing away from the site to be a catalog of funny stuff that someone else did elsewhere. Spıke Ѧ 08:56 27-Nov-12

Well, you obviously know much more about PSY than I do. Both your and Joe's articles belong in mainspace; see if you two can figure out a way (page titles) to do this. Spıke Ѧ 12:52 30-Nov-12

I just changed "my" article's title to Ganbu Style, seeing as it is a joke about his infidelity... -- the dorky contralto 22:51, November 30, 2012 (UTC)

Repeating, you know much more about PSY than I do. I have put a link to Ganbu Style in Joe9320's article and encouraged him to occupy mainspace. Apart from that, I wonder how anyone will find your version now. Spıke Ѧ 22:56 30-Nov-12

PS--Shemp and Joe (I feel as though I am talking to two of the Three Stooges): As Joe has not been on the site in five days, I'll move his article to mainspace myself. I hear today that the dance video for Gangnam Style is the most watched YouTube video ever, and we need to have a page by that name. Spıke Ѧ 23:06 30-Nov-12

"Macho" Camacho

Saw you upload a file--Are you going to do something on Camacho? I put an UnNews in yesterday you might enjoy. Spıke Ѧ 23:23 25-Nov-12

I put the photo into your UnNews. I hope you like the caption! -- the dorky contralto 23:32, November 25, 2012 (UTC)

I don't think it helps; I'll revert the UnNews and let you use the photo wherever you were going to originally. Keep in mind that it is allowed to have several UnNewses on the same thing and they don't have to be consistent. Most UnNewses don't have two photos; yours, showing his machismo, is in conflict with mine, which suggests that he is merely demented, and your caption is more of a celebration of his identity while mine is trying to be deadpan. Good luck to you! PS--That is the first time I have seen your signature! What an odd combination of incompatible national flags! Are they where you are from or where you have been? Spıke Ѧ 23:42 25-Nov-12

PPS--Also, your caption and my article offered different opinions on what Macho's last words might have been! Spıke Ѧ 23:46 25-Nov-12

The Mexican and Korean flags are because I am part Korean, part Mexican. The Brazilian flag is because I'd like to go to Brazil one day. The Bangladesh flag is because my offline best friend is from there. :) -- the dorky contralto 03:41, November 26, 2012 (UTC)

Simone the Cicada

I laughed and laughed and laughed. You have a twist with words that just cracks me up, or it could be the crack I smoked, or I've just stepped on a crack and my mother's back was on top of it. Anyway, you've made my day. And Merry Happy Joyous Christmas to you and yours! Aleister 1:50 ChristmasEve'12

I've laughed and laughed until tears ran down my face, and that was just from rereading your first two paragraphs. The only part I got hung on was the strike out thing in a quote, so in my mind I removed that and put a period right before it, and laughed and laughed. If you'd do me the honor, when it is finished to your satisfaction (please don't let me rush you, lots of people here work for a very long time on their pages. Years, in some cases, but not continuously, taking a dip into it once in awhile. Okay, I'll edit it some more after leaving this note), of nominating it for a feature. This would share it with more people. Apology for the interruption. Aleister 17:46 27decemb12

I'm reading it now and am laughing so my computer is moving around on my stomach (I type lying around). On the quote thing, that's as far as I've gotten (I read the template, l and l, and you've got a couple red links in there. Did you write the template???), and I meant I think it would be much better if you just leave out "And her ass." That kind of cheapens it right at the start, and the line you have left is hilarious. Do you mind me giving an uncalled for review like that? Thanks. Aleister 19:06

Hello, and Happy New Year

The new year has arrived, where have you gone? Search teams have reported back nothing, although someone saw a coat sleeve as someone ran away. I was wondering if I can add some things to Simone the Cicada, to even a couple places out, and then.... The next thing is serious, uncyclopedia has opened up a new uncyclopedia, just run by the users and not by Wikia, so if you want to fcheck that out (or maybe you're there already). You just sign in with your name and password, and it's the exact same thing as here. Many, well, some of us, will be here too, to keep the vandals in check and make sure this place is presentable - as it is where most of the public will come for awhile. I'll write here to, and transfer my pages to both wikis. So happy everything, and keep on swimming. Al 17:13 7-1-'13 (check out those numbers!)

Hi! I just saw you sleepwalking here. But I won't talk too loud, in case I wake you. Aleister 00:00 18-1-'13