User talk:Mordillo/archive13

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

February 26, 2009 • Issue 36 • Picking the poppy seeds of truth from the teeth of the news

Imperial Coloni(s|z)ation For Glorification of Motherwiki

By Gerrycheevers

Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq.

Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking."

Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews."

British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS

by UU

Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend.

The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it.

The most votes were polled by MrN9500, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin.

The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.

Check out these pages!

From our logs new admins bumper special:

05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.207.115.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California))
19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants ‎ (Happy adminship, fucker <3)
16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants ‎ (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?)
10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap)
10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Rogue Admin)
10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.184.94.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Ne habla gibberish)

Biopic of the Week

Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse!

Explanation of the week

This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.

Judges Wanted!

The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Hv is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 11:22, Feb 26

Mordillo

I can't say I know a lot about what exactly happened, but you need to get over NXWave. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:36, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

I don't recall hiring you as my psychotherapist. I pay Modus to do that. ~

17:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Psychotherapist? No! I hate psychotherapists. It's just some friendly advise. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:42, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Noted. ~

17:47, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

wondering if I could get banned for writing UnTunes:NXWave is Cool

pillow talk 17:47, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Good chance of that O_O ~

17:48, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

You should write "UnTunes:Are we human or are we cancer?" Cancer is far less dangerous than NXWave. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:50, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

I am now your god. Accept me or saturate in piss and vinergar for the rest of your life. Disorder 17:52, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Who are you? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:55, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Disorder Disorder 17:56, 26 February 2009 (UTC)>

You should L2smalltags soon-to-be-banned person. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN17:59, 26 Feb

House marathon article.

I just gave it a read, and there's a glaring omission IMO. It needs a reference to Lupus and how IT'S NEVER LUPUS! Made me chuckle though. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:55, 26 Feb

Quote: Thursday 19:30pm, chapter 23: It's Lupus. I knew it, and Doctor House knew it, we could have made a great team. ' :) ~

17:58, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

LOL Sorry, I missed that altogether. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN17:59, 26 Feb

"Him who shall not be named"?

What person/thing's name did you ban SOAUU for posting? I wanna know what is never to be said on Uncyclopedia! Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 01:07, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Voldemort.

pillow talk 01:15, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Huh. "Voldemort". You'd think there'd be an ingnorable pol-

B7'D!!!

OW! MY INTERNET REFERENCE! Sir Not A Good Username360

KUN 01:39, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

I believe this was the offense. Rather minor, really, I think Mordillo meant it more as a caution than anything else, as per this. —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:33, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

I think I rather meant it as a joke ban, but whatever works to intensify my enigmatic character! ~

08:22, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Joke bans are urban legends. Therefore, this page does not exist.

I saw wat u did thar

Classic. -RA HB 09:21, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Damn you're fast. ~

09:26, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

The Native Americans call me, Stealth Penis, Clap Like Thunder. Still debating whether or not that's a good thing. -RA HB 09:29, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

I hope that the clap part is about your thunder....~

09:30, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, they weren't entirely clear on that. When I asked them, they all just started clapping rhythmically. Hours of spiritual dance and drug-using ceremonies later, I awoke and found myself here. And that is the true story of how RAHB found Uncyclopedia. -RA HB 09:34, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

And now you are big chief big dick in Uncyclopedia! ~

09:37, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Me too!

SOAUU

10:06, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Hah! Big Chief Big Dick. -RA HB 22:32, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

VFS

For your vote in VFS
You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage within Uncyclopedia's borders if Zionist domination is eventually established.

Rabbi Techno

(You probably already had safe passage anyway...Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:00, 27 February 2009 (UTC))

I think I AM the safe passage! :) `twas my pleasure! ~

14:10, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Could You Do Me a Favor?

Could you maybe create an airplane on User:Meganew/Aircraft Used By Uncyclopedia? Thanks. --Absolutely Not Benson 17:30, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Could You Do Me a Favor?

Could you maybe trim this image so that it fits in my sig? The problem is that I don't want the text at the top. Also, what do all these new buttons all over the screen do? Mr N Fork you! 17:46, Feb 27

You are talking to the wrong person, you need to talk with UU, I couldn't trim anything, even if it was to save my own life :). Also, just press them all, see what happens. Who knows, you might end up banning the internet. ~

17:48, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

I am very jealous of RAHB's sig currently. Mr N

Fork you! 17:53, Feb 27

When I needed an animated gif trimmed, I believe it was Spang who came to the rescue.

pillow talk 17:54, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Yea, there is some free software out there which can do it I think. Bouncing tits is probably not the way to go anyway though... Mr N

Fork you! 17:59, Feb 27

Is this what you want? SOAUU 18:03, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Hmm, well I tried it, but scaled down to fit a sig it looked like tits... Anyway animated sigs sux. Unless you are Mordillo. Obviously. Mr N

Fork you! 18:12, Feb 27

Obviously. Brigadier Sir Mordillo

GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH S

I made mine by editing Mordillo's sig in fireworks and just replacing every image with a corresponding dildo image. That's why it looks more like it's twirling than spinning. Also, loltits. -RA HB 22:34, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

A Little Thank You Note...

Your Majesty,

A poor, insignificant and cowardly peasant is merciful to thee, O most great and powerful Mordillo, and has made a tribute to thee in form of a sexy picture of some of thine other fans.

Shall I burn it like we do all the other tributes, sir?

As you were, private. Carry on. ~

10:36, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Feechure?

Morning Mordillo, if you're around and not kicking Geth arse in Mass Effect or off doing weekend stuff with Mordillia, could you take a look a the feature queue and see if you can spot what crashingly obvious n00b admin mistake I've made when trying to feature EDSAC? (Actually, it could be something confusing some template somewhere about feb's dates, seeing as last year was a leap year - is there a template involved that's looking for a Feb 29? Or am I just hoping it's something excusable like that when it's something much more simple?) --UU - natter 09:01, Mar 1

OK, now it works. I suspect it to have been to do with one of several possibilities, the most likely of which is that I am comically incompetent. Pippings! --UU - natter

10:16, Mar 1

One is connected to the other one really. Too many Geth smacking = must spend time with Mordillia now. Otherwise = divorce. And here is a did you know - did you know that the article featured on the 29th of February 2008 was mine? All mine! MUHAHAHAHA ~

10:37, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Greetings to one of a group of my favorite Jews

Thanks for welcoming me back from Limbo. You wouldn't know what that is, being a non Catholic. Limbo is where unbaptised babies go when they die... and apparently bat fuck insane people too. I wouldn't recommend it. It's like being licked by thousands of cats. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:16, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

We have a similar place, it's called Stamford Hill. Seriously strange and boring place. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 16:43, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Of blowjobs and such...

I heard that you and Under user just got married??? What a cute couple you two must make. No, but seriously - I am interested in becoming an admin (whatever that means) on this site. Although I have been somewhat a pain in the ass in the past, and have probably pissed you off at least once in my long-term relationship with uncyclopedia, I would really like to take it to the 'next level', if you know what I'm saying, and be a little more serious about my role here. So I guess, what Im asking is: what do I need to do to be like you when I grow up? ;) – (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 22:27, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

I think I'm probably the only admin you didn't piss off or serviced during your long time relationship with the site O_O. Basically, it doesn't work like way. You need two things to happen: first, you work hard and you make enough impression that you're working hard. It can be writing, helping users some maintenance etc. If you take a look you'll realize that most (if not) most admins are writers first and foremost rather than maintenance jokeys. Second, you need this to happen when the site is in need of new admins, which is not the case at this point. Usually, when you aspire to become an admin, you don't get to be one - because what scares most existing admins is users who wish to have admin power for the sake of having power (which I don't think is the case with you). Bottom line, contribute a lot, and you might become one one day. Took me two years O_O. ~

22:34, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I wasn't expecting anything to happen right way... I'm pretty hip to that fact I'm gonna have to earn it. Hell, as it is I've been coming here for a good 2 years... But I think I'm finally at a point where I can really start to *contribute* to the community/content here, not just waste time. Thanks for the input, and don't be a stranger, I'm a huge flirty tease! –

(ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 22:57, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Having fun playing with yourself? – (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 09:54, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Boys will be boys! ~

10:10, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Foreigners

??? I have no idea what this is - But I think it is being used. I recreated it and you huffed it:-(--Sycamore (Talk) 08:48, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, I didn't really see that it was you. But I have no idea what's this for, it directs to a babel page that doesn't exist...~

09:08, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, it seems to exist sometimes, like one of those Star Trek things - I'll seduce Spang again and maybe he'll help:)--Sycamore (Talk) 09:17, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

I never want to hear about you Scots inbreeding again. Ever. ~

09:32, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

If you think Scots inbreeding is bad, you should see a Scotch egg. Blech! Also, this isn't my talkpage. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:35, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

/me found reason to sulk

I didn't get a chance to rape your new talk page :( Awww dang! Now I'll have to cuddle something in stead. Volunteers for being cuddled, report here! -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 11:52, 3 Mar

Shall I archive again so you can have the opportunity? ~

11:57, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Hehe. Not yet. But you can volunteer to be cuddled, if Mrs. Dillo isn't watching. ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 11:59, 3 Mar

Let's call it an unofficial one then. :) ~

12:11, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Yay :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 12:28, 3 Mar

Question about abusing powers

So, following a recent VFD discussion on the issue, I've combined Aberham Linkin and John Effkendee into the glorious whole of My Favorite Presidents. I'm now thinking redirects are the way to go - should I huff and redirect, or would this constitute hideous abuse of power on some kind of scale or other? Just thought I'd check. --UU - natter 15:55, Mar 3

I think redirects are fine...did you just combine these two into a new piece? ~

16:01, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Yup, pretty much no changes so far, although more shall be added. The question really is: just redirect, or delete and then create as redirect? --UU - natter

16:04, Mar 3

Ah! I get your point. It's really up to you. If you think that people might try to restore it then delete it - it's all up to the drama factor of these articles. ~

16:12, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

On a Bot flag and how to go about getting it

How would I go about getting a Bot flag for MnbvcxzBot. As you know, Sannse said I needed to get "community approval", but you left a comment on her talk page saying that admin approval used to be enough. Are you two working it out, or should I got post a "give me bot powers" topic (or ask an admin to post of "give MnbvcxzBot Bot powers" topic on my behalf) in the forum? Thankyou. --Mnb'z 18:47, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Let's wait for Sannse to respond and then take it from there. ~

22:32, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

On Banning Orian

I want people to mess with my page. I'm sick of it being all organized and whatnot. So... i dunno, use your admin powers to give him 12 minutes of un-ban... er... something. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:15, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Old news man! ~

00:47, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh you did it here too! That is just so cute RT really I wish you were real. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

16:28 6 March 2009

*sigh*... that's one of my greatest aspirations. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 01:15, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Just keep trying buddy, you might reach personhood before the chimps. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

05:18 7 March 2009

UnSignpost 5th March 09

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

March 5, 2009 • Issue 37 • The News, Smelted to 93% Purity!

New parser causes havoc by requiring Uncyclopedians to get things right

by UU

The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter.

Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!"

Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)".

Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up.

The gnomes were unavailable for comment.

February '... of the Month' Awards Hoedown

by Gerrycheevers

Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with...

DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written several featured articles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that.
February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions.
Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressive work in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank))
13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!)
19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.)
06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*)

Biopic of the Week

Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before...

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles.

Cajek ban of the week

None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek.

New poopsmith of the week

RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 13:54, Mar 6

Blocking one of the very few worthwhile recent changes watchers?

?? - I respect that there's often divided views, but I don't understand that, it all looks cool to me, those reverts seemed correct?-Sycamore (Talk) 15:57, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

If I might wage in where not wanted... When you get LOTS of reverts, the users should TALK to each other. Mr N

Fork you! 16:00, Mar 6

Based on previous talks, I am tired with blunt reverting rather than talking with someone who is obviously thinking he is doing the right thing. It is one thing to revert vandalism. It is another to do it to everything being conceived as vandalism without taking a minute to ponder if perhaps this can be resolved without constantly reverting. ~

16:02, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Thats not quite true is it, that paticular user was reverting back, obviously some explantion could be requested on the article talkpage, or on the users talkpage. If someone of some standing and trust within the community reverts, it should be considered in good faith, bottom line. If the reverts were dodgy (we all make mistakes) this can be brought up in a friendly way. Charitwo has had some really nasty flak lately on here (I would have been very upset if those things had been said about me on VFS), yet this guy still comes to help on here, it seems that with some that its 'what can you do?' and others its bans and threats?--Sycamore (Talk) 16:31, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

You might have noticed that I said "based on previous talks". This is not the first time this has happened. You might have noticed that the other guy got exactly the same treatment. I do not favor anyone in this case, or generally speaking. If someone feels that he has a superior stand over other users simply because he reverts more than the other person in question, well sorry - this is not the case. And I have to say, I very much dislike what you are hinting with your last sentence. ~

16:39, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Yah, I was seconds away from making the same bans, and for the same reasons (although obviously without the rollback threat as I can do nothing about that). Charitwo is a turbo-reverter, but he so rarely talks to anyone on the site - edit wars aren't solved by waiting until someone gives up, but by messages (preferably friendly ones) on talk pages. If, just occasionally, Charitwo would do something like that, I'd warm to him so much more. --UU - natter

16:59, Mar 6

I apologized for the late reply, I've been traveling all day. I'm not exactly sure or remember any previous talks. The edits in questions were blatant vandalism (honestly...replacing a page with "Haxx0red by ASPTG." is neither funny or productive, it's stupid), and there's really no such thing as edit warring when you're reverting vandalism, I see it done more here than any other wiki I've ever visited. This situation isn't any different than if it were an IP, or a brand new account. I don't think neither blocking nor threatening to remove my rollback was warranted especially in this case. It'd be different if it was a content dispute (over something that should or should not appear in an article), Meganew was essentially page blanking. Also, this isn't the first time he was blocked. :/ --Charitwo^Talk 23:11, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

The previous discussion I had with you in the past was here. You might recall that you original message to this guy, who only wanted to move a page was "STFU" and "Just just do X. Idiot". You may also recalled that at that point I asked you to try and be more friendly. The problem, as far as I'm concerned, is that you don't have any involvement what so ever with Uncyclopedia other than reverting. You revert. Period. Don't get me wrong, you do help around tremendously with fighting vandals - but you placed yourself in this specific role, viewing the recent changes via the IRC bot and whenever you see a lot of text removed, you revert - not questions asked, no explanations given. If you were more involved in the site and bothered to take a time to look at Meganew's history, you'd realize that he's simply noob believing he's doing the right thing. Yes, he did his share of stupidities, you might have noticed that I didn't spare him the ban for being involved in this revert war - but this doesn't mean that you don't have the responsibility to hesitate before you so eagerly press the rollback button. Having that option does not mean you can revert indiscriminately, and being the veteran that you are I'd expect you rather than Meganew to drop a line on his talk page and tell him - look mate, you're doing it wrong. That would make everyone else involved feel much better and this whole fucking drama would have been averted. Speaking from personal experience - when I was a noob, I did nearly the exactly the same thing Sabrown did - and Mhaille just quietly fixed it instead of reverting/banning me. Was I to be banned or involved in a revert war at that point, I'd probably leave and never coming back - not understanding why I'm treated like that. Many annoying noobs have turned into the site's greatest contributers - to name a couple: Tom Mayfair and ZB, they were both annoying as hell to begin with - but they turned to be central pivots for Uncyclopedia - and Meganew has the same potential, until he proves otherwise. Bottom line - PLEASE Charitwo - if you're not 100% sure that you're dealing with vandals, hesitate and talk. This is my new motto, I'll be putting that on my underwear. ~

09:46, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

On a related note, where are the instructions for editing the "Vandalism on Wheels" page? I remember seeing them somewhere, but I couldn't find them just by looking around the page. In Meganew's defense, I could see how someone could think that one is supposed to blank and otherwise vandalize the "vandalism on wheels" page. --Mnb'z 06:06, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Achtung!

Your support for the Nazi party has been documented. Danke shein. That vill be all.

Honestly, I never expected a vote from you for something like this. Thanks. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:23, 7 Mar

Why? I don't have an issue with Nazi related articles, as long as they're funny. And this one was very much so. ~

08:33, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

I dunno how I got that impression. Probably just distracted with work. -OptyC Sucks!

CUN14:47, 10 Mar

AAN Program

I saw that you are an active adopter and I am interested--Dybas28 01:50, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

No problem. As long as you intend to stay around, my recent adoptees tend to vanish after a few days....~

08:38, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Vanish?--Dybas28

Yes, like you just did, you know, typing a couple of lines and disappearing for weeks :) ~

09:59, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Sorry about that. I was kinda busy for a while, but now I'm back, and I assure you I'm here to stay this time.--Dybas28 15:29, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

No worries. So what do you need help with? ~

15:33, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Nothing at this time, I'll let you know if the situation changes.--Dybas28 17:52, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Favour?

Tomorrow's the start of the PLS (not that I've really got that out much or anything, I knew I shouldn't have volunteered for that job!). If you're about tomorrow morning, would you mind sticking User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/PLS/Main on the main page for me? –—Hv (talk) 8/03 19:32

Was about to, but someone went ahead and did it before me. I'm telling you, I'm feeling completely obsolete, like an outdated model or something. I'll just go ahead and kill myself discreetly. ~

08:33, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

You mean I actually edited the front page without buggering it up? Wow. ~~Morning~~ afternoon dude, hope you are well... Like we could ever replace you. Where would we get mor dillo's from? Mr N

Fork you! 14:05, Mar 9

Purim

Mad Mike "Moishe" Tyson does it, so you should too!

Yes - it's Purim already, so be like
Mike and eat some ears today!

It's the only time of year when being a Jew is fun!
Chag Purim Sameach from Rabbi Techno

So what are you planning to dress up as? ~

11:05, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

I thought maybe I'd be really original and go for Mordecai or King David. Bet nobody else thought of that! Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:18, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

That's quite original. I didn't find any Purim parties to go to unfortunately....~

11:53, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Me neither. The only synagogue in town, despite being allegedly reform, is far too conservative for my liking and the chabad house is too far to be bothered. Shame really, there are few things so amusing as a pissed-up Hasidic rebbe. I expect the missus and I will go and have our own party in the pub, then come home and, seriously drunk, set the flat on fire while trying to make hamentaschen. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:57, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

You can always come over here to have Hamentaschen, we're quite good in making them :) ~

12:07, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

If it wasn't for the sheer distance, I'd be tempted - I'd quite like to spend Purim in Israel. I make a great loaf of chollah too, so we could have had a full-on carbohydrate festival to regain any fat we've lost since the almighty fry-up that is Hanukkah. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 12:16, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

You do know that I currently live in Amsterdam? ~

13:29, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

I thought you were the golden boy of Israel. As in, little Israeli boys painted you gold each morning as you went out to get your morning creams. —Sir SysRq (talk) 13:44, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

I was up until last April during which I moved to Amsterdam, now living on a little canal and trying to convert everyone to Judaism. ~

14:47, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh? I was just in Amsterdam not too long ago, converting everyone to atheism. I even started an atheist church there where we read passages from the Book of Nothing Happens When You Die by the prophet Justbeagoodperson N. Dontliveinfearofeternaldamnation. If you happen to go by there, please send my blessings, and tell them Father SysRq will return one day, provided it is within the next sixty or so years because no one lives forever. —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:52, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

No, didn't know you were living in Amsterdam. The East Anglian topography (or lack of) being as it is, the highest point between there and here is probably someone's garden rockery at an oxygen-depleted two feet above sea-level, so if you were to frisbee one of those hamantaschen hard enough I could probably catch it. Might be worth a try - I used a new recipe for mine (rather than my mother's generations-old version, proving that you are right and I am a bad Jew) which seemed to call for rather a lot of baking powder. They're now about nine inches wide, two inches thick and look a bit like pizzas. Edible, but not very traditional... Rabbi Techno

FOXES 09:37, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

I thought everyone knows that 'Dillo lives in Amsterdam these days. Which is why I've made sure he found out I was passing through (four times since he's moved there) after I had left Schipol airport. Otherwise I might have been tackled, dragged off home to meet Mrs.Dillo and offered some hamentaschen (and some Chuddletachlechuggles) without having a clue of what it is... o.O -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 09:58, 10 Mar

How'd it all go in the end? Find a party? My pizzataschens were ok in the end, if somewhat untraditional - we ate the last two with custard last night. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 16:00, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

No party unfortunately, but the whatchacallit hammentaschen were not bad at all! ~

16:10, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

*Meow?* (Can anyone tell if I'm bored? Because I seriously am. And tired. Sleep deprivivified...) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 22:34, 12 Mar

LUVVVY!!!!! ~

22:59, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

circumcised male?! (I like...) *cough* Yup, I'm tired... :/ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 23:33, 12 Mar

Clifford Sumner

Hey, trying to contact you, not sure how? Can i create my Clifford Sumner page? He's a important figure down here in fields of Dorset. Wicked —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Ragman205 (talk • contribs)

Err...define "important"? I couldn't find anything about him that made him look like someone worth having an article on. ~

17:29, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Well, he has a Facebook, so he must be important. —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:37, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Okey-doke

Righto. Well, no harm done. Suppose it was a BIT snide to revert the edits. On the other hand I was only following the guidelines he put for asking a question but I'm starting to get the feeling that I made a balls of that one... Y'know, you got a good sig? How'd ya do it? Cos I'm super-confused. No, really! Shocking, I know, isn't it... --Noamshouseparty 21:44, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

What kind of sig are you looking for? I can give you a hand with that. ~

22:29, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Well don't blame me for being unoriginal but one with a spinning thingy or something. I dunno. Ah its not so important. --noamshou separty 21:53, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

House thingy

Yeah, I made a lengthy-ish abstain comment on the House VFH, but I thought I'd mention a little more here. I love the idea, and some of the stuff is very good. But I'm not sure you've really made the most of it there. It feels thin, for me - not actually that much content, stretched out a bit by the formatting. I think spending a little more time with House in more depth would help, as would investigating the symptoms, both imagined and real. More time on the thought processes that lead him to diagnose himself with all these various illnesses might help - I don't really feel at any point that the narrator is being dragged down into the pit of paranoia, and that's part of the problem.

And the ending - I like the idea, and the photos and the captions. It just feels like two abreast doesn't work somehow. I dunno, feels too much like an image gallery, as someone said. Maybe 3 per line would help - not make it so long, and with so much whitespace on either side? It's easy to put my finger on what I don't like about it, not so easy to come up with a suggestion, so i see why you did it, but... Oh I dunno, it's a decent article, I just hope you understand my abstain after all this wibble! --UU - natter 11:45, Mar 13

Hellair hellair, I just deleted you from my Christmas card list. Yes. Oh, wait, I don't celebrate XMAS. Damn.

But seriously, thanks for the feedback. I much rather have a good long explanation why is that not to your liking rather than getting a MEH. I'm telling you, I'm about to turn that into a bannable offence. I think it's extremely vain especially coming from writers who I do not see writing a lot, or write at all for that matter. But that's another issue.

I know what you mean about this one, but I sort of lost the muse with it at one point, and just felt like releasing it rather than forcing more content. I think that for this kind of silly-ish article, the length is reasonable. I think perhaps I'll ask for someone to sort out a split screen TV image based on the gallery. It is bloody ugly. ~ 15:49, 13 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th March 09

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

March 10th, 2009 • Issue 38 • Mucking up your talk page, one issue at a time

CONSPIRACY!!!

By Gerrycheevers

WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK.

Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music.

While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff.

Count to a Million: Update

By Gerrycheevers

Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement.

Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet.

The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.)
04:39, 10 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked CS SHITTY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE YOU MONGOLOIDS COMING FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?!)
16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3)
10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.)

Biopic of the Week

Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writing humor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets.

Cajek ban of the week

15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 21:36, Mar 13

Shabbat shalom

In a situation such as right now, when a load of crap has appeared overnight and QVFD has got a load of red text, is there any reason why it can't be cleared out and archived at any point or several points during the day rather than just once? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:15, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

Shabat shalom! No problem at all archiving whenever you feel it's crappy enough. I'm sitting in front of the machine waiting to buy U2 concert tickets. Pathetic isn't it? ~

10:20, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I quite like U2, but I don't like to admit it because people take the piss. I saw 'em back in the day when Achtung Baby came out, having been a bit of a fan ever since Sunday Bloody Sunday. Someone here in Cambridge was offering a pair of free tickets they'd got from somewhere or other - I was too late, unfortunately. Anyway, I'm off to clear out QVFD. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:24, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

That's the thing about moving from Israel to Europe - you don't get a lot of shows over there since the bands are a bit stressed out to come over, so I got a few concerts - but not too many. And now when I'm here I'm trying to see everything at once :). ~

10:29, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

I can imagine. A lot of people in Europe seem to think bombs are going off 24/7 and shells rain down constantly with no let-up all over Israel - I suppose it comes from Israel not really being in the news often for any other reason. Any plans to see any other shows? Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:01, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

Well... As an European voicing in, last time Israel had a little ruckus going on in southern Lebanon, my former commanding officer, who was at the UN survey station (the white one with "UN" in nice big blue letters painted all over it that should be marked as "NOT THIS ONE!" on maps) ended up going kablooie and a good man and a remarkably fair officer from back when Luvvy was still in the Marines died. They brought back a coffin that weighed about 150 kilos less than the guy really did... :( But don't worry 'Dillo, I still love you, just not necessarily the guy who pulled that trigger... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:53, 15 Mar

Welll....you got Dave Mathews band, AC/DC, North Sea Jazz Festival and I hope Elton John as well. ~

11:03, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

North Sea Jazz festival sounds my sort of thing. Cool, daddio. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:05, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

RE QVFD archivng days that are still already days or something like that

Template:QVFD checked - I thought this was an admin job, and that we shitmunchers would move in if an op could be arse to add this. For the record they were not added overnight, I just produce a lotta QVFD:)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:50, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

I think that specific template is not really used. I know I never use it. I think we QVFD, there's no checkin needed, if it's red it's gone :) ~

11:00, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

I do use it sometimes. It's less effort than marking all the noms which don't need to be deleted with a specific comment. Mr N

Fork you! 18:30, Mar 17

John Deacon are using diapers

Why have you deleted John Deacon are using diapers?! I think that page was funny. It's about John Deacon AND diapers! --Pink Floyd man 11:11, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm afraid I fail to see what's the funny part in it. It had two lines that said "John Deacon wears diapers"~

11:16, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

The title was kind of funny though - at least, it was if you've not been on the internet in the last few years where 'cute lolcat grammar' has begun to go ever such a little stale... Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:25, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

Is it time to stick

This (or something similar) back for a bit? Mr N Fork you! 09:03, Mar 16

Let's give them a couple of days, it's only that site notices are very annoying...~

09:07, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm too lazy to make a template...

But thanks for the vote on Driving in Bucharest, it's really appreciated, especially from someone such as yourself. –—Hv (talk) 17/03 18:04

My pleasure, but someone such as myself? O_O ~

18:21, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

You're the old fart of Uncyc, so of course you're special... We juniors just kill time by polishing your ego and trying not to get ourselves or others banned.

I guess it's a bit like Daddy and his pants fixation... I'm cuddly, which I guess is my meme... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 08:33, 18 Mar

Pants? I have no idea what you are talking about young lady. Mr N

Fork you! 12:53, Mar 18

Question

O experienced and knowledgeable one, what is the policy regarding people using their own talk pages for what looks like cyberbullying bollocks? (Look at the history). I was thinking possibly huff and recreate with a warning? --UU - natter 09:28, Mar 18

Morning, that sounds like a good mood. I'd even leave a warning there saying that this account will be blocked if they don't mend their ways :) ~

09:31, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

Ah well, that's the end of that saga - looks like I'm too nice to people some times! --UU - natter

09:45, Mar 18

We need some nice people here along side the rest of us old mean farts. ~

09:50, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

Nice old fart you say? :-D. I don't think I can think of anyone who could manage to do the job of regulating Pee Review and telling people that their reviews sux without getting a single complaint or upset user. I mean seriously, has anyone ever complained to UU about anything? Ever? It's just ridiculous... Under_user, consider this a formal complaint. Mr N

Fork you! 12:59, Mar 18

Indeed. He is too perfect to be real. I suspect he's either an android or a woman. Perhaps both. ~

13:02, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

Thing is, Michael Jackson had already buggered the kids. --noamshou separty 21:18, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry, your great great granddaughter or great grand niece still loves the lot of you :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 02:47, 19 Mar

That's why I could never be an admin

As you already know, I sometimes I fail miserably at diplomacy. I'll try to stick to writing.-- 10:05, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Actually we have had many less than diplomatic admins. I sometimes get the urge to ban first and ask questions later, but I remind myself that many of the annoying fucks I've met here became brilliant writers later. ~

10:17, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Already I've seen some noob who I thought was going to crash and burn become a more productive citizen. I have to remind myself that people, especially the younger one's, need to be afforded the liberty of being human on occasion and not be judged too quickly.--

10:29, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, you sometimes need to remind yourself that there are actual people behind the keyboard and not some annoying textbot. ~

10:33, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure I like the tone of your voice mr Mordillo. 9001 (bot)

11:37, Mar 19

(Block log); 11:39 . . MrN9500 (Talk | contribs | block) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry 
time of 1 week (insubordination)

He's not getting any dinner tonight either. Mr N Fork you! 11:52, Mar 19

Halal

Was just adding that to the VFD archive, not realising you were actually in the process of dealing with it. Do you want me to take it back out since you've redirected, or leave it as it is? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:24, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

WHY YOU LITTLE W#%R#RJ!!! it's perfectly fine .

Say, aren't you supposed to go to the meeting today? ~ 10:27, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

S'ok, I just updated the archive so it now has your comment informing people of the redirect. Yes to the meeting, but I don't need to be at the bus stop until 11.45. Photos will be available for viewing at some point tomorrow. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:29, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

IN THE NUDE?!?!? ~

10:30, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

I assume so - after all, does Olipro ever wear clothes? Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:32, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

On special occasions only. ~

10:33, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Rubber ones. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:36, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

I still say, you should have given us non-UK located people a heads up. When I'm drunk I supposedly get very cuddly with the gentlemen in my party, end up throwing extra clothes off and don't remember much the next morning. Or so I'm told... You're gonna miss it! :D -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 16:17, 19 Mar

Oh and one thing

Chutzpah thinks you owe them a sporked eye or something like that. They threatened your blood pressure in case you fail. I'm confuzzled (that's what you get when you're conveying someone else's message). Oh, and irc is boring without my favourite Jew... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 20:39, 19 Mar

Tell my good friend Chuzpah, that unless he wants to be dragged into a good old IDF interrogation room, he should stop making demands O_O. Also, apologies for now showing up to IRC, but I heard that you were treated good there ;) ~

09:39, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

The good old... WHAT?! 0_0

You do realise you're scary, right?

Umm... I have no memories of who treated me how in irc last night. I had something else on my mind. Cute, furry, cuddly... *purrr* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:49, 20 Mar

That whole thing about an interrogation room... It's... disturbing. I woke up with a black cat licking my ear. That was... an interesting experience... I'm happy that's the only thing my cha'tal'tool did this time... Okay, so he was smothering my face... o_O How was Belgium? :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:16, 23 Mar

UnSignpost 19th March

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

March 19th, 2009 • Issue 39 • Committed to both Bringing You The News and The Happywood Insane Asylum

Forum topic created; Modusoperandi posts witty response

By Gerrycheevers

At a certain point this week, a relatively green uncyclopedian posed a rather ill-advised question on one of the Forums quaintly known to patrons of this silly wiki as the 'Village Dump'. A few seconds after the aforementioned certain point this week, resident cheek-tonguer Modusoperandi responded by intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the question, twisting the querist's words, taking advantage of some sort of delicious pun, or otherwise causing mischief in the usually serious, informative Forum.

Reactions were, as usual, mixed in the community. Several anonymous users were outraged at the lack of tact and formality displayed by the wily Modus. "Uncyclopedia is serious business," said one pitchfork-wielding mob participant. "We would descend into total anarchy if it weren't for the court system, the press, the boron smelting plant, and the sanctity of our information distribution system." Other users seemed to support the flashing of rapier wit, claiming "if we can't laugh a little, then what's the point? Without humor, we'd end up in hell like all those poor souls who lived before Jesus invented comedy in 23 A.D."

Modusoperandi himself declined to comment on the situation, only offering this brief reply to a query seeking a comment: "She told me that she was eighteen. She also told me that she human and was not, in fact, a bonobo. If you have any other questions, please direct them to my law firm; Alan, Whitcomb, Silverstein & Bonobo." It seems the elusive Mr. Operandi is free to continue in his forum havoc-wreaking, as nobody has stepped up to officially denounce his actions. All bonobos involved were unavailable for comment.

UnSignpost Editors Under Fire for Bonuses

By Gerrycheevers

This week the Uncyclopedia community was outraged to learn that the UnSignpost, which recently received a Wikia bailout, will be giving hefty bonuses to the very dunderheads responsible for driving the periodical into the ground in the first place. The extremely active Uncyclopedia Senate has vowed that action will be taken against the editors set to receive the lucrative bonuses. It may be possible that they will be blocked from editing or even exiled to another wiki.

Uncyclopedians were, for the most part, outraged. Popular user Mnbvcxz had an unrelated statement quote-mined by an UnSignpost journalist to produce the following comment:"I[...]is[...]finished," a possible indication that he will leave the site in protest of the bonuses. The founders of the newspaper refused comment, as they want nothing to do with it anymore, and true to that mission this reporter was chased off the the grounds of the Cajek mansion by bunnies wearing bee costumes. The current editors were hounded, with Under user having this to say: "I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on." Gerrycheevers was absolutely unavailable at press time.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.)
11:10, 17 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.124.60.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is a sharp pointy thingy up your ass. My finger. Don't worry, I washed it)
11:43, 18 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) moved Jon snow to Jon Snow ‎ (capital punishment)
11:39, 19 March 2009 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insubordination)

Biopic of the Week

Savethemooses is one of the legends of Uncyc lore. Once the king of the featured article hill, his recent inactivity has allowed him to slip to seventh, despite having twenty -five features, which is more than you ever will. In fact, the only way you will ever come close to experiencing the glory that was STM's being is to go nominate several of his articles on VFH right now. Like, right now.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

Pixellated Face Disease is a rare condition in which a person's face, caught on camera, will become blurred, or 'pixellated'. There is no known cure for the disease, and there are several associated conditions, such as Blurred Registration Plateism and Black Strip syndrome, the latter only affecting the eye region.

Cajek Ban Joke of the Week

In this week's uproariously funny UnSignpost issue, the second story misdirection-links the phrase "blocked from editing" to Cajek's userpage.

Retraction of the Week

The current editors of the UnSignpost have recently become aware of startling differences between the current Signposts and editions from early in the newspaper's history. We would therefore like to retract the following issues: #1, #3, #6-13, and #16.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MnbvcxzBot 04:36, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

jew

evening mordillo. just wondering if you could take one final gander at Jew and see if you think it's there. it has the feel of one of those articles with many, many contributors, and i'm not sure we were all going in exactly the same direction, but i like a lot of what's there, and it's been three weeks so we have to wrap it up tonite. in particular, me and opty were wondering about the 'audience' role in the foreward and such. we changed it to 'congregation'...is there a better word for the people the rabbi is addressing? thanks much. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:17, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

I think it's much better than the original version, but still need some work, I'll try to edit it further, but I think at this point we're good enough to go with the next article. Also, congregation is certainly the right word. ~

08:58, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Checkuser?

I was wondering why I can't ask for these anymore:)?--Sycamore (Talk) 11:40, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Because even if you get a positive answer, you can't do anything with it, plus there might be some behind the scene discussions involving the cabal which an open chekuser request will alert the sockpuppet that there are discussions regarding him. We had a lot of those during the NXWave period. Also, this is nothing new, it's just that Sannse started putting out to everyone O_O ~

14:30, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

I see where your going, my mistake - I thought it was a bit of free for all:)--Sycamore (Talk) 14:52, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Check out

Forum:Moar Checkuser. Mr N Fork you! 15:24, Mar 23

Oh! I'll finally be able to verify is YOU are NXWave! Wouldn't that be a laugh? O_O ~

16:24, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Not as funny as if it turned out to be you. Mr N

Fork you! 16:28, Mar 23

Are you me? ~

16:35, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Na. I'm Mhaille. Everyone knows that. Mr N

Fork you! 16:38, Mar 23

I thought Mhaille was Olipro? ~

16:41, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Na. Olipro is nintendorulez. Mr N

Fork you! 16:43, Mar 23

Wait - who's Brian? --UU - natter

16:56, Mar 23

I'm Brian and so is my wife. Mr N

Fork you! 16:59, Mar 23

Bruce? ~

17:19, 23 March 2009 (UTC)

Does that mean I'm really LuvMuffin? O_o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 21:48, 23 Mar

Thanks

Thanks mr. He-who-secretly-controls-everything :]. You know, 'Son kills father' is my first unNews article, do you think it is good? Could you give me some tips on how to improve my reporting skills? Thanks in advance SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 10:05, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Hya, no problem at all. I'd suggest putting pictures, that always helps. I think it was fine, got a few giggles out of it - I think maybe I relate to it a bit better than others since I'm from the neighborhood. Try to make more distinct brakes between the paragraphs and write it in a bit more organized manner. But other than that, I think it's fine and can only improve in the future. ~

12:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

fine, I'll do another one by your advice tomorrow if I have time SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 12:10, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

PLS judging

I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of doing so, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). Post your top 5 articles here. Hit me up on my talk page for questions, comments, if these rules are not cognisant within you, or of you don't know what the word "cognisant" means.

Thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise!

Of course, you already know that, since you're the one who reminded me to send this thing out in the first place! –—Hv (talk) 24/03 20:27

So

Is there a Cabal?Saberwolf116 22:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Shhhhh ~

09:07, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

According to "There is no cabal," there is no cabal. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:11, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Whore

Damn...you suck it hard. The pope is waiting for his lap dance. Put on your diaper and get to work! —The preceding unsigned comment was added by LolaHanghangeara (talk • contribs)

Hmm, I appear to have accidentally banned the above. Finger must have slipped or something. Mr N

Fork you! 08:54, Mar 25

That's bloody awful. Make sure you wear gloves in the future. ~

09:06, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

אני מתרפקת עליך

"Eek!" -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 20:11, 25 Mar

“zsjjjjjjjjjjjtdjå¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨utu”
~ Shovav on keyboard

I needs the cuddlies. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 21:48, 31 Mar

MrN and Signposts

Can I get your thoughts on MrN's current month-long ban-frenzy for the UnSignpost? How do you feel about the fact that he's banned more people this month than all the other admins put together? --UU - natter 16:48, Mar 26

I believe the man is a menace, and danger to society. I believe he should be castrated, quartered, hanged, torched and his ashes should be scattered over France. I believe he should burn in hell for all eternity. What? Do I feel pity about all those who he banned? Fuck no, I didn't have anyone to ban because of the bastard! ~

17:08, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

As can be seen Mr N

Fork you! 17:15, Mar 26

- 18:19, 13 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (rättelse av en kollega administratör)

The correct spelling would be more like "administratörkollega", you doofus! :o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 21:42, 26 Mar

Well, Ms. smarty pants, perhaps you'd like to read this! O_O ~

08:54, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

I did, but didn't get into correcting your Google Sveedish... :o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 09:06, 27 Mar

Kanske jag borde lära dej svenska i utbyte för hebreiskan? :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 12:41, 29 Mar

Ja tack, damen luvvy! det skulle vara trevligt för dig.~

16:20, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Ja, mein teil ist größ, ich bin nicht keine arschloch, hitler ist ein mütterficker, norsk arysk black metal rah! Ich bin ein Svenskastaner. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:26, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Wrong language, ya sachbi ;) ~

16:29, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

3aref, ya sa7bi. Hey, d'you speak Arabic, or just what your ears pick up from the streets? :] SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:33, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Only basic street Arabic. Most of it would be foul language I'm afraid ;). I also have no idea how to translate Arabic to the Latin alphabet...~

16:37, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Nice for me, or nice for you, Matok? And as comes to my language skills, I'm fluent in three, and understand about eleven or so languages to varying degree. It made my day when I was told what "Nishbar li ha'zayin mehachara ha'ze" means yesterday, I was feeling like it at work... ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 16:38, 29 Mar

For me of course, it seems like a really nice language. It does make you feel like you're expressing how pissed off you are when you used that term doesn't it? :) ~

16:44, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

dont tell me this is in Arabic, luvvy :).. dillo, care to tell me about some hebrew street language, you know, the equivalents of the Arabic ones you know about, like kossomak, yabn el sharmoota, yabn el metnaka, and so on.. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:47, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

What I quoted was in Hebrew. I can't understand Arabic, really. :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 16:54, 29 Mar

Actually, MahmOOsha, we use some similar expressions. Kossomak and Sharmoota for one. I think a good one would be koos achotcha ha`tsolaat. ~

10:01, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

All I will say to that is, since the above makes less sense to me than Hebrew, is... *אני מתרפקת עליך* :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:41, 30 Mar

You're an odd one

Totally. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:21, 28 March 2009 (UTC)

So a dinner and a show would have been the better option? ~

10:14, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

I'd totally put out after dinner and a show, but even without it I can both bask in the fact that I'm always on the mainpage and be humbled by the fact that only a couple of people have noticed. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 10:28, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 26th March 09

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

March 26th, 2009 • Issue 40• Spooning the Soggy Vegetables of Truth from the Luke-warm Soup of the News

MrN's banstick stuck in "on" position

By UU

Popular admin, underwear enthusiast and raconteur MrN9500 has gone on a ban-rampage unprecedented in the recent history of the wiki. Seemingly keen to win his first bastard admin award, the conscientious custodian has already banned more people this month than all the other admins combined.

The other admins rallied bravely, with even Spang being seen to ban someone (only his third of the year) as they tried to show they were not now completely surplus to requirements. However, even as this story was typed, MrN banned another 3 vandals, rendering their efforts ultimately futile.

Speculation that he is trying to ban more people on an individual basis than Hinoa managed in one go when he banned the whole of Italy cannot be confirmed or denied at the time of going to press.

When asked about his phenomenal spree, MrN said "What do all these buttons with "Ban" written on them do? I keep pushing them, but nothing appears to happen". Banning legend Mordillo, when asked for a comment on MrN's ban excesses, said "I believe the man is a menace, and danger to society. I believe he should be castrated, quartered, hanged, torched and his ashes should be scattered over France. I believe he should burn in hell for all eternity. What? Do I feel pity about all those who he banned? Fuck no, I didn't have anyone to ban because of the bastard!"

Uncyclopedia now famous

By Gerrycheevers

In a totally unexpected development, Uncyclopedia has officially earned the worldwide recognition it has longed for since its inception. On the website digg.com, all internet content is sorted and ranked by coolness, similar to the process found in many middle schools. It seems Uncyc's page on spam has reached sufficient 'cool' status as to cause the rest of the site to become invited to the "cool kid's lunch table", along with theonion.com and cracked.com.

Reactions were unusually mixed today in the Uncyclopedia break room. When asked what it's like to suddenly be cool, Optimuschris said, "shit, I'll let you know when I find out." Another user, DrStrange, was asked for a comment, and promptly responded "comment duly delivered!" Clearly, popularity has already gone to Uncyclopedians' heads, as such chippy responses are rarely seen. Uncyclopedians have become too cool for school. When asked for comment regarding adding a sentence to the end of this article to extend its length and make this week's UnSignpost look pretty, Gerrycheevers said, "bugger off."

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:22, 26 March 2009 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: UN:FAIL another victim of the Gay trap. Yep, this means that you are probably homosexual. Seriously, one day you will realise this yourself.)
01:24, 24 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Q.V. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (FINE!!!!! I'LL SUCK YOUR COCK!!!! GOD, I JUST LOVE THE SEMEN OF A RACIST!!!!!!)
23:28, 20 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Barton sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Whilst Barton does indeed suck, you're barely literate and tragically unfunny. Read HTBFANJS and try again later.)

Biopic of the Week

Continuing our series of biopics on Uncyc legends, Hardwick Fundlebuggy won Writer of the Month back in 2006, at a time when you were lucky to have an article survive VFD. His awesome writing style resulted in him being named Writer of the Year, of which there are only four so far. It's just unfortunate he had to go to jail...

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

Snopes is a website dealing with the delicious diversion that is rumor. Whenever you overhear there is a computer virus set to attack, whenever you hear that your favorite horse is actually a zebra, whenever you are told your girlfriend is a lesbian...Snopes will be there to tell you the truth...mostly.

Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week

23:10, 5 April 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 67 seconds ‎ (That'll teach YOU to get a false sense of security!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 01:41, Mar 28

User account renaming

Hi there, please can you rename my account from SunStar Net to Sunstar Net; thanks! I didn't want to have to create a new account for a trivial change in username... --Sunstar Net 20:21, 28 March 2009 (UTC)

Lo, I'm afraid I can't help you with that one. You'll need to talk with sannse. ~

21:23, 28 March 2009 (UTC)

Archive this talk page.

It has become almost as long as my dick SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 20:35, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Not nearly as long as mine though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:41, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Or Olipro's for that matter. ~

09:56, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Overriding my block...

did you see this one also? I thought it was worth hammering the point home as she had done 1, created an account and then started to do more. It's almost like we all need checkuser or something eh? Mr N Fork you! 14:19, Mar 30

Yeah, I didn't see that one. Are you sure it's her? Thing is, I think it's worth talking with this one rather than banning, she seem to be a bit confused O_O. What happened to that whole checkuser thingy anyway? ~

14:25, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

I can't be absolutely sure it's her no. I don't have checkuser so I made a guess. Just a guess (which I'm rather sure about) based on actions. In the history of Agnostic there are also some other similar edits... It would be nice if I did not need to make such guesses which I might be wrong about. It would be terrible to ban someone like that for a case of mistaken identity. The whole checkuser thing? I put a link on Sannse's page about it but she said nothing. Personally I think that all sysops should have access to the tool. Do we trust some admins more more than others? What the heck is that about? The use of the tool is logged, so if anyone uses it in "the wrong way" they loose it. I'm not even sure what "the wrong way" means anyway. Checkuser is a tool which would allow sysops to find people who have accounts but sometimes vandalise for the fun of it. It would also help with our problems of people voting twice (or more) using multiple accounts. If we gave it to all sysops you can bet your ass that people would realise, and stop whatever sockpuppetry they were doing. As it is now (or even with what would be 1 active crat (you)) with the tool then it would not make much difference. Checkuser needs to be in the hands of the people who are active on the site. There is little point giving it to people who are not here. Why don't we give it to all sysops? All the sysops at ED have it. I wonder why they don't get many of the problems which we do... By not giving all sysops this tool, we are protecting the "rights" of sockpuppets and vandals and suggesting that our Sysops are not trustworthy enough to know what someones IP address is... Yea... Had an argument with the misses last night. Can you tell? :P (I'm fine now thank you Susan) Mr N

Fork you! 14:54, Mar 30

I think more or less like you on that matter, we need to have a serious chat with Sannse on this whole issue methinks. IRC sometimes? Also, sorry to hear about the missus. Come over here with her for the weekend, smoke some weed, drink a lot, and everything will be better. ~

15:22, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

What? I came here for an argument! I demand my money back! Yea, IRC... I'm normally in there myself, and can be called in if I forget to join. You are blocked from work so I guess it's just evenings for you. Could you maybe drop Sannse a message and try to arrange a chat? I assume that's kosher stuff you are talking about? :-) Mr N

Fork you! 16:26, Mar 30

Sorry

Sorry. I needed the lock on my user page Lucas Duke 14:45, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Userpage? oh, sorry. I meant the Confederacy of Independent People. Lucas Duke 15:38, 30 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Bureaucrat, sir. Can you spare just a second for a lowly prole?

Well, I did some counting. Found out there are around 1700 old VFHs archived. Fun. Trying to decide the best way to go about it. I'm thinking just putting a copy of the Admin note of the failing, along with a link to the archived page. Might do the same for featured articles as well. Might as well. Any suggestions? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 02:51, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Well, for the featured articles I don't think you need to put anything on them, as all the details are in the {{FA}} template. As for the old stuff, you probably want to have a bot helping you. How you'll be going about that, I have no idea since I fail at bots. Possibly the prince of pants can help you there. But how about you start first with the current nominations, see how it goes, and then we can think about doing that to the old articles? ~

07:34, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I wouldn't even know how to make a bot regardless. That's a pretty good idea sticking with recent ones now. We'll see how it goes. I'll start around the recently failed area for now. Woody On Fire!

Talking Woody Stalking Woody 07:41, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm...It seems I've run into a problem. Been testing out a way to do this. Created my own template, and what not, found here, but it doesn't seem to be enjoying Alternate Namespaces. I'm linking to the archived vote page using the SUBPAGENAME template, but the page's name doesn't include the Alternate Namespace title (i.e.: UnNews) which is messing up my beautiful template. I'm not sure I'm making any sense here... just check out the red link on UnNews talk:Francis Winkler get some sick. The link doesn't include the "UnNews" Prefix. Do you know how I could fix this, or should I be taking up my technical difficulties elsewhere? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 08:45, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Well, from the technical side I'm afraid I can't help you very much, I'm fail at technicals. One thought though, how about making the template a bit more "uncyclopedia"? So, a bit like "the buggers didn't want to vote and the writer himself bla bla". You know what I mean? ~

09:00, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Are you talking about this new-fangled comedy thing? Nah, man nah. I think I'll just stick to the ole' tried and true: interpretive dance. Woody On Fire!

Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:29, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

I need you to look into something

I think DrStrange has crossed the line on Necropaxxs talkpage. --Docile hippopotamus 04:41, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Already dropped him a line. Thanks for the heads up. ~

07:31, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Baldrick

Gets another day on the front page I reckon? We just don't FA anything today? Mr N Fork you! 11:39, Apr 1

I was thinking about that. Makes sense to bump the queue in one day forward. Also means, that my article will be featured on my birthday :) ~

11:56, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Sweet! Mr N

Fork you! 12:04, Apr 1

Ha Ha.

That was very funny. Why couldn't you just unedit the main page? It would've been less cruel then to NOT LET US VOTE!!! Saberwolf116 12:15, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Cos unprotecting the main page was just what you were expecting. :P Mr N

Fork you! 12:27, Apr 1

GAHHH!!! YOU DICTATOR!!! I SHOULD CALL YOU MR. STALIN 9500!!! Saberwolf116 12:31, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Facebook Haggadah

Oh yes. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:57, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

That's genius! I wonder if I can get my father to read this in the Seder...~

06:51, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

So here is an odd thing...

This considering this. That IP was blocked for ever, but then appeared to still be able to edit. Odd eh? Oh, just so you know... I like to keep the Gay pages not protected as they are a magnet for idiots which makes it easier to find em. Mr N Fork you! 18:15, Apr 1

Here is another one When is judgement day again? Did I miss it? Cos it was crap if I did. Mr N

Fork you! 21:32, Apr 1

Yet, you were judged and found guilty. Turn it your ban hammer and your halo. I think it's a bug in the mediawiki. I saw it happening several times in the past. Luckily, it doesn't happen that often O_O ~

06:49, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Oh dear. I foresee the terrible, fiery end of Uncyclopedia in the near future. I predicted this all along...they've finally arrived.... -RA HB 06:57, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

The seven horses of Europides? ~

07:04, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

That's about right. -RA HB 07:11, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Umm

Even if it was an April Fool's joke, don't you still have to put a deletion tag on Fisher Price (and please, no in-jokes, serious answer)?Saberwolf116 01:29, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Go eat shit, fucker. Sorry, couldn't help it. If it was a joke nomination I think we can dispense with the tag. ~

06:45, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Well, one of the reasons I nommed it was so I could go down in history on the discussion page. Saberwolf116 12:29, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

March Foolitzer Prize

A VALUABLE COLLECTOR'S ITEM

which is sure to be worth a very great deal of money in the near future.
An original recording of an interview between UNNEWS and
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
in which he reveals the truth about aliens.
Unfortunately, it's on Betamax so you can't watch it.
Many thanks for voting for me in last month's Foolitzer Prize.
Rabbi Techno

UnSignpost 2nd April 09

Just like Grandma used to make!

April 5th, 2009 • Issue 41 • In the fashion of Illogicopedia, the only Newspaper that will recollect a flightdeck!

EVIL WIKIA DICTATORS SHUT DOWN UNCYCLOPEDIA

By Gerrycheevers

Due to high operational costs and "the community being a bunch of gits", the nefarious Uncyclopedia overlords at Wikia shut down the comedy wiki yesterday. This resulted in much confusion, outrage, and blundering about in the dark. When asked to comment about the situation, Orian57 said, "No, because you'll actually put what I say into the paper, and last time you made me look really stupid. Although it is a tad inconvenient. And what do you mean 'Cabal'?" It should be noted that Orian is both exceedingly intelligent and unbearably attractive, and there most certainly is not a cabal of any kind.

Other users seemed to have been expecting this for some time. Necropaxx had this to say: "Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for Wikia to do this. We Uncyclopedians have been total jerks for far too long. I suggest we all go to Wikia and give Jimbo Wales a nice big "We're sorry" and hope he's feeling generous." This editor took this advice to mean that we should vandalize Wikipedia furiously, and redirected their page on Karma to Coincidence.

At press time, Uncyclopedia still did not exist, and many in the community expressed doubt that the Wikia Council would ever reinstate the site. With the recent drama over the domain change, and the promise of ads descending swiftly into every corner and crevasse of our wiki, we seem to be simply too much trouble to be bothered with. This reporter considers it to be good while it lasted, and offeres up a toast to the good old days of Uncyclopedia.

Image of Dog Holding Paper, not used in UnSignpost for over Nine Months, Makes Glorious Return to UnSignpost

By Gerrycheevers

This reporter is proud to say that, after being absent from the UnSignpost for over nine months, our lovable mascot "DogNewspaper" has returned to grace this periodical once again. DogNewspaper made his debut in the second issue of the UnSignpost, which covered such stories as 'UnSignpost created' and 'Uncyclopedia is the worst'. After bringing you the second story in issues 2 through 5, DogNewspaper was promoted to "top dog", and accompanied the lead story for four issues in June 2008.

DogNewspaper took an extended hiatus after Issue 9 to "see the world" and, more urgently, "sniff the world". After many exciting adventures, our mascot is back to stay, and will likely be used many more times in the coming months in what editor Gerrycheevers referred to as "blatant space-filler. DogNewspaper can take a story and squish it to the left side of the page, extending its length. Now get off my lawn!" DogNewspaper declined to comment, but did wag his tail enthusiastically before rolling over in an effort to have his belly scratched.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

00:52, 27 March 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.91.59.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I can't write anything for this ban reason. The amount of true doucheiness cannot be described.)
09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.)
12:57, 31 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Isaacjew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wrong, he's not a Jew loser. I'm the Jew - and you lose)
05:05, 1 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Dawg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6247 seconds ‎ (REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED VIA BANSTICK)

Biopic of the Week

Ljlego is another one of those 'lost legends' of Uncyclopedia. One of the ones who you don't really believe existed, but you're not so sure, because your Grandpa told you stories about him when you were little. And even after reading some of his works, you still don't believe. Maybe there's something wrong with you.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

HowTo:Kill two birds with one stone is a thrilling documentary describing the many ins and outs of avian massacre via large rocks. Many methods, tips, and tricks are mentioned in the cover-all guide. It is also noted that killing three birds with two stones is not any easier than killing two birds with one stone.

Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week

00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 17:53, Apr 2

For your vote...

The Great Potato Massacre
of March 2009

Thank you for supporting Sonje in her ruthless campaign for Potatochopper of the Month
A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed
in your honour.

--^Dame 22:17, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

I see this is on the front page...

It must be your birthday!

Happy birthday Sir. I trust you will enjoy your day... Who would have thought it eh kids? Mordillo is 100 today. Mr N Fork you! 06:53, Apr 3

Yes. You still haven't taught me how to say "Happy Birthday!" in Hebrew, you old fart... *hugs* Congrats. Did airport security heed my warning and manage to frisk you again, btw? ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 07:45, 3 Apr

happy birthday to jew! ;) here is your present

Thou Shalt Suffer

Mahm00shA smiteth thee.

Fire be upon thee <insert name here>.

Mahm00shA maketh thee to burn. Thou who art hateful unto him. Mahm00shA pierceth thy head. He cutteth through thy face. He melteth thine countenance. Lo, thy skull is crushed in his hand. Thy bones are smashed in pieces.

SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 08:06, 3 April 2009 (UTC)

Thank you children, I'm trying to hold it together with my failing memory and dwindling brain cells...*shivers* and feels cold as well. Luvvy, can you turn up the heating? O_O Much appreciated, I shall return as soon as the festivities cease! ~

23:14, 4 April 2009 (UTC)

I trust you had a good day. I have new breasts incidentally. Mr N

Fork you! 23:28, Apr 4

It's awfully chilly here, isn't it? :) Ah shite, 12 hours of work ahead again... I envy you for your holiday, Sabba... :/ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 03:37, 5 Apr

An admin is never late, nor is he early, he gives best wishes precisely when he means to. That means these here best wishes from me are exactly on time. --UU - natter

08:11, Apr 5

I'm jealous, though. Someone had the guts to brag about the great summery weather in Israel while I was sitting in a grey dark office watching the rain drizzle it's way to the ground in a nearly freezing temperature... /me throws a pair of Luvvy sized flip-flops at 'dillo... :( -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 18:03, 5 Apr

Strip Scrabble this evening?

Good Morning and Shalom or whatever it is you lot say in the morning:) Can I move me PLS aricle over, I am getting annoyed by something - can you guess what?--Sycamore (Talk) 08:37, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

It's me isn't it. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 08:39, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Actually, that comment fits better on Sycamore's talkpage. I'm so pathetic. *sniff* —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 08:58, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Afraid I can't guess right now ;) I haven't been paying attention in the last few days, being on holidays. Can you ask HV, he's running the show with PLS, and I think you should probably wait until he announces the winners. ~

08:56, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Help I need somebody, Help! Not just anybody, Help! I need Mordillo! Help!

Hey I saw you were on at the recent changes so I was wondering if you could help me with something. I just finished writing a UnNews article and it's been put up. I was wondering if you could add a blurb for it here. For some reason I can't edit it. It's probably just because I'm a new user. So can you? --Mercenarylord^{Enter if you dare} 16:28, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

Done. It's because you're new and it's semi-protected. You should gain access in a couple of days. ~

16:42, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

EEKS! A MORDILLO SIGHTING?! @_@ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 18:15, 6 Apr

WHERE!?!?!? ~

18:30, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

/me looks as if she's seen a ghost and faints. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 18:35, 6 Apr

Quick quick! Someone get me 10CC of something! ~

18:44, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

You really don't have much medical training, do you? :P /me goes back to playing unconscious (at least the headache I've got is real... *ouchie*) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 18:58, 6 Apr

What should I do?! What should I do?! Should I use the crash cart? Should I do CPR? NURSE! OR NURSE!!!! ~

21:36, 6 April 2009 (UTC)

If you opt mouth-to-mouth, make sure to take out your dentures and double check that I'm really unconscious, Sabba... ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 08:55, 7 Apr

/me hands Dr Dillo chainsaw. Here Doctor, I think you know what to do with this... --UU - natter

09:08, Apr 7

Ucle UU, you shock me! I'm too pretty to be mutilated! O_O -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 09:10, 7 Apr

AHAHAHA! TIME TO CUT THE LUVVY TO SEE WHAT MAKES HER TICK! ~

09:23, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

*meeps!* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 09:31, 7 Apr

Hello again, seems I forgot to add a link. I hope there was no unpleasantne... Oh. Er, I'll let myself out. --UU - natter

10:15, Apr 7

Don't worry Luvvy, I'll put you back together! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:19, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

There ya go. As good as new. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:31, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey how the hell did you figure out what I really look like?! O_O *hides* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 20:21, 7 Apr

Albeit my cup size is about 250% bigger and my blondeish hair is halfway down my back these days... :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 20:29, 7 Apr

Ay, Mordillo

Could I possibly get some of that rollback thing that no one's been talking about? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 08:07, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

That depends on the services you are willing to donate in return. ~

08:10, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

I do windows. Woody On Fire!

Talking Woody Stalking Woody 08:28, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Good enough. The user management system is so fragged I managed to do it twice somehow. You have now double rollback. Go forth and enjoy your new plunger. ~

08:37, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

Double the rollback, oh man! Now I just need one more... Woody On Fire!

Talking Woody Stalking Woody 08:40, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

press

howdy sir, would you happen to have any comment regarding the cabalist's recent decision to not induct any new cabalists this month? would you care to respond to allegations that there is, in fact, a cabal? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:49, 7 April 2009 (UTC)

There's a Cabal?! O_o But gramps, you told me they don't exist!!! *sniffles* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 11:38, 8 Apr

Hey Gerry, sorry for the very belated response, of "There is no cabal". ~

11:28, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

You sure there isn't one? What about the rumours of you actually being the one pulling the strings behind the scenes? O_O -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 22:58, 16 Apr

Pesach

What a pain in the arse.

It's Matzo Constipation time once again!

Try being vegan too. 8 days of potato kugel. Great.

Chag Pesach Sameach
From Rabbi Techno

Belated Birthdaygradumalations

Out of reasons related to our relationship being that of a great great great great great *gasps for air* great gramps and greatest great granddaughter, it's highly inappropriate for it to be a Luvvy wrapped up in a bow. So here's a hooker for you to enjoy as you please... ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 19:18, 8 Apr

<youtube width="425" height="355">=VFNdFWVMGPo</youtube>

Oh wow, who do I get to keep? ~

11:27, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

The blonde wearing a red bow? I'm not even sure I want to know who you want to keep... :) Or get a bow for Mordillia... ;) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 17:48, 12 Apr

Awesome audio files

Hello, I came upon your audio file collection, and one of them "Jews take over the world" radio news segment is classic: in the words of Jew-phobic Borat: "is funny". I swore the announcer is Sasha Baron Cohen (sounds like him), but the "bad" Israeli accent sounds French, German or Alsatian (the mixture of both languages) to me. I have the same satirical sense of humor like you do, but it's nice to meet you...and happy PesaCh/Passover. 71.102.2.206 14:02, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

My pleasure indeed! Thanks for the compliments. I love making those, but I can't have anyone around while I'm making them, which is why I need to throw the missus out everytime I work on one of them :) ~

Well, yours beat the time when I was asked to lend my voice to a villain in a video game but was unavailable to record it at the time. And it'd have been a little too close to my day job, it'd have felt like work...

But at least we got a valuable nugget of information there... If and when the next UnMeet is in 'dam, you'll just claim to be "recording a new sound clip" and we can have the after party at the 'Dillo residence without the missus. :P -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 18:02, 12 Apr

UnSignpost April 9/10th, 2009

The old e/space swap; i.e. "ther eis" for "there is"

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By ME, I Swear!

April 9th, 2009 • Issue 42• We Give the In-jokes Recycling Center 90% of Their Business!

Cabalists Decide Cabal Membership At Adequate Amount, Deny Existence of Cabal

By Gerrycheevers

Uncyclopedia administrators this week decried the lack of need for new recruits, as they are wholly confident in their ability to secretly control the wiki from behind a moth-eaten curtain. On the voting page, which this reporter will probably be banned for pointing out to the common folk, the current cabal members expressed their desire to see more normal non-admins, or 'normies', be involved with the recent changes page. However, the option for another member being inducted into the cabal was declined, as things like the ban patrol and the Cajek Alert System seem to be running just fine, thank you very much.

Cabalists were adamant about their opinions. RAHB had the following to say: "I cannot confirm the non-existence of the non-existent cabal, being that it does not exist, and I'm no Harry Potter-reading fantasy boy. I can however confirm the existence of puppies. THEY'RE ADORABLE!" The non-existence of the cabal was further emphasized by Mordillo who declined comment when approached as he was leaving the Secret Cabal Headquarters & Tiki Lounge.

Experts were skeptical of the existence of the cabal, but point out that nothing should be ruled out. "Woof," said UnSignpost political correspondent DogNewspaper (pictured), citing the low level of vandalism and general dickery since the recent opping of Under user and MrN9500, who have become known to Uncyclopedians as "The Redcoats".

Co-Creator of UnSignpost Introduces New Creation

By Gerrycheevers

Dr. Skullthumper, co-founder of the very newspaper you are reading right now, has unrolled his newest creation, the NetBar. UnSignpost editors were too busy and ridden with jealousy to investigate the nature of this new invention, but our technology correspondant DogNewspaper (pictured) was willing to speculate on the new gadget. "Bark bark," he proclaimed, elaborating that this new thing is most likely some sort of candy bar or online tavern.

This is not the first time the good doctor has abandoned the UnSignpost to work on other equally trivial projects. Fnoodle, disguised as a harmless spellcheck wiki-bot, is actually a perfect one-eight replica of Skull. This entity has nearly 20,000 edits, mostly vandalisms of pages in Thekillerfroggy's userspace. However, Fnoodle has sat abandoned in the doctor's sandbox since last October, since all of said doctor's time recently has been poured into his new project, the NetBar.

Uncyclopedians had mixed reactions today. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user had this to say: "What the fuck is a NetBar?" A gathering in the Uncyclopedia break room formed, with users misguidedly attempting to ward off squirrels with the NetBar. When reached for comment, Dr. Skullthumper said, "What's an UnSignpost?"

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

13:33, 4 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.10.224.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(we apologise for taking so long to ban you for this, but don't blank pages. thanks for waiting!)
19:28, 4 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.155.30.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Go play in the sandbox, little boy. Uncyclopedia is for grownups.)
22:34, 6 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute, 32 seconds ‎(There's this guy sitting next to me and he's all "man, I'm pissed off at that MrN9500 guy" and I'm like "okay")

Biopic of the Week

Continuing in our series on Uncyclopedia legends, Cap'n Ben is one of those legends who is actually active. Since his first edit in March of 2005, the Cap'n has been makin' it happen in various ways: via awesome writings, breaking news stories, or intructional guides. He is even up for Writer of the Month for a second time since his first WotM came back in a time when Uncyclopedia kind of sucked. But it doesn't anymore...thanks to Cap'n Ben.

Cajek Ban of the Week

20:16, 2 April 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 78942 seconds ‎ (Unsignpost is resorting to "Old School Cajek Ban" now. It's time to bring the real deal back.)

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Alternative Medicine is what the cool kids used to use in high school instead of going to the nurse like the other squares. Now that those kids are all grown up, they have continued this tradition of using such non-mainstream remedies such as Extreme Colonic Irrigation, Ass Candling, Homopathy, and Inacupuncture (pictured).

Space-Filler of the Week

If Einstein was so smart, how come he's dead?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:23, 9 April 2009 (UTC)

SotM

It's still stuck in March... —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:12, 11 April 2009 (UTC)

In Graltitude

In gratitude for your vote

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next common typographical error to you. Thank you.

The following common typographical errors are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Typing "teh" for "the"

Confusing "Dr. Spock" and "Mr. Spock", again

Typing "Soluble fish" for "aaaand double drat!"

UnJokes

Mr. Oh-So-Powerful MoarDildo, do we have an UnJokes portal on uncyclopedia? the answer is no, right? Well, can you -in your never-ending sysopian and Jewish influence, wisdom and money- create one? 'cause, you know, this is a humour wiki.. We should have a portal for jokes, just pure plain jokes, you get at what I mean? I hope so SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 16:11, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

I got a vague memory of us having something like that somewhere, I'll have to look it up to see if I'm halucinating as always. ~

16:15, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

halucination from Sinai-grown hashish, right? Right :p. Now go summon forth thy admins, for the Intergalactic Council Of Sysops Of Uncyclopedia Of Wikia Of Al-Gore's Internets is about to be held. Let him, he who hath understanding, reckon the main-page portal of UnJokes, for it is a nessecary portal. It's portal six-hundred three-score and six. Now that's tr00 halucination SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 14:57, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

That's the best hash in the world, as you very well know ;). You can start a forum post and get the feel of the community for this idea. If it works, will start up this space. ~

19:43, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Fake portal

Seeing how active you are at things counter-vandalism - is it possible to create a few fake pages, on stuff that have strong vandal magnetism, and redirect proven vandals to them automatically? The articles could also be self-fixing after a reasonable interval, for instance 15 minutes. I'm sure it's feasible - also I think it would save work in the long run. Smash my face in if I'm wrong. Yours respectfully, -- Style Guide 18:41, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

It's not a problem to create it, but I don't think there's a way to direct the vandals there without directing anyone there...Got anything specific in mind? ~

18:45, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

It was possible in the former times, but I guess only because the BB:s were mostly one-user versions. Hm. Is there a way to govern what a certain IP address sees? If not, I'm stuck. -- Style

Guide 18:50, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Actually I'm not stuck yet: if it's possible to create self-fixing articles, they would give vandals a hobby that wouldn't bother anyone else. Once an article is seen to be vandal prone, admins could decide to make it into a self-fixing one (with the interval I mentioned, to give the vandal momentary satisfaction). Everyone would get their 15 min of fame at nobody's expense. -- Style

Guide 18:58, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Not really, the only thing you can do is create a bot that will revert edits every 15 minutes, but it means that someone who operates this bot needs to have an active session at all times, so this isn't practical. Also, you do have the spambox. ~

19:25, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Mm. Wouldn't this still be less trouble than always reverting them by hand - or would you need to create a bot for each article, and one for each admin per each article? Could it be a bot that gets active each time an admin logs in? Just ideas, I don't have a clear clue about what's practical and what isn't. There would be no difference to a protected article but the obvious one: give the hapless one a hobby without too much fuss. It would be fun to write articles for that purpose. -- Style

Guide 19:38, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

There is a bot like that in place already. I can locate the code for you if you'd like. That one reverts any specific IP/username you choose under a specific interval. It's not very usable for admins because we simply ban the vandals but it can be used by any user who wishes so. The thing with bots, you can revert based on IPs or revert specific articles, but then - how would you recognize vandalism? Large removal of text is not always an indication. Also, a bot would have a hard time dealing with deletion of crap articles (it's feasible, but then someone will have to double check everything it deletes) and page movements. Some of it might be doable, but we'll need to talk it over with some of the bot people. Mainly, MrN9500 or Skullthumper. But there are too many potential problems in my view. Is there anything specific that troubles you? We didn't have any unusual vandal flood lately. ~

19:55, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

No, I'm fine - I was just wondering if there was a way to have some fun at their expense. Thanks for the eggsplanaishuns! -- Style

Guide 04:57, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Block me Too!

I still don't know what the "you are banned" message looks like from the user's point of view. Last time I woke up in the morning and saw the block log... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 21:25, 14 Apr

hey, me too, but not for too long.. A couple of minutes, maybe.. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 21:45, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Hmmm... Maybe it is true that Luvvies and alcohol don't mix. After another cognac (I ran out of wine and moved on to the next stuff), it's starting to feel like an idea to blank your user page just to make you ~~spank~~ block me, gramps... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 21:53, 14 Apr

That Picture

I trace its origin to scrapetv.com and some fake news story they made. They also happen to have a wiki called scrapeipedia. It's just some stupid chop that any of us could recreate (similarly) and use. There's even one with that Ledger pic with kids on a trampoline-- 15:54, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

I SAW ELVIS!

On your user page while I was vandalising it, nonetheless... :o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 13:23, 16 Apr

UnSignpost April 16th, 2009

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

April 16th, 2009 • Issue 43 • It's News Because We Tell You It Is

Latest Poo Lit Leads to Quality Flood on VFH

By DrStrange

The 7th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise has come to a close! This installment of Uncyclopedia's bi-annual competition featured an interesting amount of tie scores given directly by individual judges as well as being present in the overall scores. Recent competitions have featured much more decisive scoring but this time around the points were more evenly distributed amongst the entries. As the winning and co-winning entries hit VFH, we're seeing levels of voting that haven't been seen in a while.

The first article nominated to VFH from the competition also came with a bold prediction by one numbskull, who questioned his existence if Karl Lagerfeld did not receive 20 For. votes. At 03:57, 11 April 2009 the 20th For vote was cast by Thekillerfroggy and it's safe to say that the author of this instant Uncyclopedia classic should be considered the overall champion with his three entries garnering him two first place articles and one second place finish. Unscrupulous Unsignpost reporters ~~stalked~~ found Modusoperandi while he was receiving longevity treatments in a Côte d'Azur country club and asked him the following softball question: "Who was your favorite character in the 70's hit sitcom Barney Miller?" to which he answered "While each member of the cast had appeal, as each represented part of America's "Melting Pot", I found the comparatively minor character of Inspector Frank Luger (far right), with his high state of partly-sober curmudgeonitude, to be especially charming."

One of our winners was not only a perfect 1/1 by winning the best rewrite category with Money but Sycamore also received the vaunted Writer of the Month trophy for March 2009!
Another plink user that fared well with plink his outright victory in the best plink mainspace article category was GlobalTourniquet, plink who wrote an article titled with a plink name that is difficult plink to recollect at the moment plonk. He also had two other entries that received 1st runner-up status, so it was a good showing for the artist formerly known as Thomas Pynchon's left Nut.

A user that happens to wander in and write us an offering on occasion claimed a share of first place in the alternative namespace category with the UnNews article Obama unveils education reform plans. Monika should drop in more often!

Worst 100 of the Year Stumbles to 10 Things

by UU

The ever-popular Uncyclopedia Worst 100 Reflections series proves it is as popular as ever! As this great year of Our Lord 2009 passes the midpoint of April, the latest iteration has just limped past 10 items, although one or two of them carry a subtle whiff of vanity. According to our resident math boffins here at Signpost Towers, we are exactly "a bit over a quarter of the way through the year, but not yet a third of the way", and so therefore should have precisely "a few more Worst Reflections than this so far".

There are several schools of thought as to why this situation has been allowed to arise. One gaining currency among quite literally possibly some Uncyclopedians is that everyone on the site is so busy producing quality material that they just don't have time to devote to such frivolities. However, the continued existence and rate of progress of Forum:Count to a million neatly quashes that theory. Another hypothesis advanced by as many as no or fewer people is that precisely nothing of any interest to anyone has happened, either on this wiki or on the interwebs in general this year. However, while this is significantly more likely than the first theory, the generally accepted explanation seems to be that, quite simply and predictably, Uncyclopedia is the worst.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

03:28, 16 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Obama (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Stick to fixing the US's economy--Uncyclopedia editing is not your thing.)
20:34, 14 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.164.152.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (blanking spree? go find something more interesting to do, like sticking your head in an anthill)
20:02, 11 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.131.36.107 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I'm gradually blanking you. Jerk.)
06:25, 10 April 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked SquintyK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (14 year olds shouldn't be having sex / whatever the hell it is you're doing.)

Biopic of the Week

Dexter111344 has the distinction of being the most well-known Uncyclopedian with the most numbers in his name (besides 5P4N6). As a newly coronated poopsmith, he helps take out the garbage on a regular basis. This is just one of many thankless tasks he carries out; he also occasionally volunteers as a paperboy and botanist, and is known for keeping douches in their place. If you see something awesome, and are wondering if Dexter did it, the answer is: "probably". And if he didn't...you know who did...

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Waiting for Godot is a questioning of the fundamental core of our existence, the foundation on which our moral and social codes are built; the uncertainty of Godot's identity, coupled with the stark, unembellished style of the whole play, poses some powerful questions about our own identities.

What the hell are you talking about?

I dunno, but it sounds intelligent.

Cajek-related Question Posed via Ban of the Week

11:15, 23 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a pronounciation ‎ (How *do* you pronounce your username?)

And the answer, for those who care.

Bad Dog of the Week

DogNewspaper, lovable mascot of the UnSignpost, appearing on the right, will not be appearing in this week's issue. This decision was based on various infractions by DogNewspaper, most notably the Easter presents that were left in an editor's shoe. Look for DogNewspaper to return next week with his monthly piece on mailman defense.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:58, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Sorry about that

But this was actually a new case. I wasn't aware there was an article titled Jewish History up until now. What do you think is the proper action? Should I leave things be? Should I nom it on VFD and ask it to be redirected to Jew? Should I use {{merge}}? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:57, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

If you think it's not good enough to exist by itself, you're welcome to put it on VFD. I wouldn't use merge - it's rarely being acted upon. ~

22:00, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

I put a rewrite tag on it for now. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:20, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

Sarcastic comment

When I welcomed this Theodore hole gravy guy, he had only created his userpage. I welcomed him as to give him quick access to all the guides and policies we have at Uncyclopedia. I wasn't aware he created a page in mainspace with the same content as his userpage up until now. Seeing as it was recreated multiple times, this guy can correctly be described as a vandal. However, my question to you is: Why did you consider it appropriate to comment "good job on welcoming another vandal" when you deleted his talkpage?

If you want me to stop welcoming people, just say so. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:04, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

I don't want you to stop welcoming people, I want you to review what they're doing before you welcome them. When a username creates a 3000 characters userpage as a first edit, and if you glance quickly at it, it would be very clear that this guy is a cyberbully. And no, a user doesn't get immunity from cyberbullying bans even if he limits himself to his own space. ~

15:19, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Well okay, I'll pay closer attention to things like that in the future. In the meantime, I'd really appreciate it if I don't have to see a comment like that appear in my watchlist. We all make mistakes sometimes. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:14, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Um, in retrospect, I understand how all this may have appeared kind of twattish. I'm really really sorry if that was the case. Such was never my intention. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:03, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Userspace question.

Hey, I have a question as to what exactly I could post in userspace. You see, while i'm at school, the filter blocks direct access to YouTube. Could I post a list of the songs I like under userspace so I could listen to them at school, or is it still considered Vanity in userspace? Saberwolf116 22:29, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Should I answer twice? It's not a problem. Userspace is pretty free as long as you don't use it for cyberbullying or post hard core porn picture of myself with that goat. Or with MrN. ~

23:40, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Aren't you ancient people supposed to be asleep?

Did Mordillia kick you out of the bedroom and tell you to sleep on the sofa tonight? O_o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 23:50, 20 Apr

Oops

Terribly sorry about the double post. Please accept this Jew treat as a token of apology.

Saberwolf116 00:22, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

That's quite awful. Thank you very much ;) ~

07:31, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

I have to agree, those are rather horrible. I never understood the reason for using excessive

A) Sugar

B) Blue food colouring

And my daddy-in-law actually loves baking his blue sugar coated cookies and send them to me around christmas... O_o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 08:47, 21 Apr

I need help! I need penis! I need Moardildo!

HaShalom aleikom wa rahmat HaShem wa barakatoh ;) I need ~~penis~~ help with this signature of mine, kinda like yours. There is a problem with the syntax, I hope you fix it up. Thank you in advance, my lovely, lovely cousin :p Mahm00shA 11:56, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Salam aleikom wa`bismillah ya achi. I think that Sock took care of it already. BTW, it is forbidden for Jews to say the explicit name of God (Jehova and such), just so you wouldn't make that mistake when you meet one of our more friendly Israelis ;) ~

12:04, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

fine, I'll stick with HaShem and Elohim (fine?) from now on. Now, could you please trim down the sig for me? Its almost as big as my penis Mahm00shA 12:13, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

But only! :). Sorry, with that I can't help, I'm not a chopping person. You can ask Sonja, I think she'll be happy to help. ~

12:14, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Thank You!

The doctor will see you now

Oh, by the way, before we begin todays session, I'd like to thank you for supporting my recent featured article.
Now, tell me about your childhood.-- You know what the music means... Our time is up.

My pleasure. Good piece. ~

08:31, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 23rd April 09

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

April 23rd, 2009 • Issue 44 • Spamming Your Talkpage Since 2008

Conservation Week Largely Ignored By UnCommunity

By Gerrycheevers

Uncyclopedia is currently halfway through its bi-annual (semi-annual?) rewriting extravaganza, lovingly referred to as Conservation Week. Every six months, members of this silly wiki partake in the practice of pruning, hacking, nurturing, feeding, and otherwise bothering the 'trees' of the site, which is the running metaphor for 'article'. From the greatest feature machine to the lowliest n00b, everyone can participate in Conservation Week by simply finding a sub-par article and making it better via trimming or adding content, or just plain magic.

However, our special investigator DogNewspaper (pictured) has discovered that this so-called Rewrite-a-Thon is not the all-encompassing entity it is meant to be. In fact, normal operations such as VFD, VFH, and the Cajek Ban Joke Factory have not ground to a halt as they clearly should during this special fortnight. Users were puzzled by this revelation; RabbiTechno admitted that he has "little idea what 99.9% of the whole site is all about," and he elaborated that without his constant vigilance, UnNews would surely deteriorate into a third-rate media parody, which this reporter can verify is true.

Known conservation standouts have also shockingly participated in non-rewrite-related activities during the designated tree-hugging week. Dexter111344, reigning Greasy Mechanic, blamed the inclement weather, nosy librarians, and the almighty Zeus. Or maybe he just rewrote Zeus, but the librarian part was true for sure.

UnSignpost Reporter Subtly Mentions Vigilance Week In Article; Chaos Ensues

By Gerrycheevers

In the April 23rd, 2009 edition of the UnSignpost, masked co-chief-editor Gerrycheevers covertly linked the word 'vigilance' to Uncyclopedia's Vigilance Week page, inciting riots and mass panic among Uncyclopedians site-wide. Vigilance Week, the mere mention of which often inspires multiple forums where users argue and complain in bold or even italic font, is a period where the rules of article deletion are relaxed, and the worst articles on Uncyclopedia are loaded into the basement of the British Houses of Parliament and blown up using comical amounts of gunpowder.

The last Vigilance Week reportedly occured in September/October 2007, resulting in the death of borderline humorous articles by the dozens. The horrific memories of that week have greatly affected some Uncyclopedians, who remain extremely charged about the issue to this day. For example, Modusoperandi recalled his experience when asked to comment on Vigilance Week, saying, "Certainly. What's "Vigilance Week"?" Other users were similarly shocked, as V-Week, as it has come to be known, was described as "unmemorable" by one user, and "get off my lawn" by another.

However, the passion that Vigilance Week stirs up is negligent when compared to the shitstorm that results upon the mention of that black sheep of Uncyclopedia holidays: Forest Fire Week. This period in the Fall of 2006, when Uncyc was still really an infant in wiki-years, saw over 3000 articles deleted, more than 15% the total website content at the time. In fact, this very article will probably merit at least one forum regarding FFW despite this periodical's poor circulation and low-quality electrons.

At press time, the subtle link to Vigilance Week had caused a medium-sized riot, with hordes of angry users tipping over cars in the Uncyclopedia Parking Structure and setting the animals in the Uncyclopedia Zoo loose. The Cabal is poised to get involved by seizing all media outlets and gener- ATTENTION COMMONERS. ALL IS WELL. THERE WILL BE NO OCCURENCES OF ANY DELETION WEEKS OF ANY KIND. FURTHERMORE, COMEDIC ALLOWANCES WILL HEREBY BE INCREASED FROM 80 GRAMS TO 65 GRAMS. THIS MESSAGE IS NOT THE DOING OF THE CABAL, AS THERE IS NO CABAL. GOODNIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

10:38, 20 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.40.56.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(DON'T BLANK PAGES (also, don't shout. Thanks!))
12:05, 21 April 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 0 seconds ‎(Thinking impure thoughts about Ricki Lake)
13:26, 21 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.216.48.30 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(If you're that bored go and find a solution for the world hunger. Trust me, you'll be much more popular)

Biopic of the Week

In another installment of Uncylopedia Legends, Procopius is a user you might never have heard of due to his recent inactivity. Without so much as a fancy sig or a new-fangled typewriter, he cranked out feature after feature. His contributions to the medium of misinformation were also well received. Procopius was merely a hard-working blue collar Uncyclopedian, and is hereby recognized by this periodical as awesome.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

The mere mention of the great Procopius brings to mind one of his greatest masterpieces, The white guy in All-4-One. In this intellectually stimulating article, the mystery of a successful R&B group having a caucasian member is discussed at length. Incidentally, the white male in question has joined the search for an answer to the conundrum, which remains elusive to this day.

Cajek-inspired ban-smackdown of the week

08:52, 22 April 2009 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 643 seconds ‎(Oh look, a blatant attempt to get a mention in the UnSignpost)
08:57, 22 April 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sannse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 seconds ‎(Wups. Sorry. I thought you were Cajek.)
09:06, 22 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Sannse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 123 years ‎(Damn our evil wikian masters trying to overtake our newspaper. Revolt! REVOLT I SAY!)
09:07, 22 April 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎(thought you were Spartacus)
09:10, 22 April 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 14 seconds ‎(No no, I'm Spartacus)

Underdog of the Week

Rogue ball of tumbleweed recently exploded onto the Uncyclopedia scene, earning a few fractions of votes for N00b of the Month. Despite mild support, it seems fellow n00b YKWTMM is set to take the coveted badge home this month, with an unprecedented 'several' votes. Nevertheless, the UnSignpost would like to recognize Tumbleweed for his resilience and moxie.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 22:20, Apr 23

Hey huffer

Why did you huff my article on Ajmal Amir Kasab

Please be polite, and read HTBFANJS --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent

13:10, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

It's not really impolite, I am huffing am I not? I can't find your article - give me a link so I can look for it. But I got an inkling that it pissed off Codein's mum. ~

13:20, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Here you go Ajmal Ameer Kasab --Iamkay 13:36, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

All right - it was a one liner and it seemed to brake our vanity regulations since it's on a private person that is of no interest to the rest of us. Is he a known person in India/Pakistan? If that's the case, you can recreate it in your user space and work in the article there to improve it before you move it into the main space. ~

14:02, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

From what I can piece together in five minutes of research, Ajmal Ameer Kasab is someone that India is claiming is a Pakistani terrorist, and who Pakistan is claiming is a fictional character who India made up. (See: [1]). So, not vanity, but fucking obscure, to be sure.

pillow talk 16:48, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Hey, not fucking obscure! An article about a person like that has a mighty good potential for hilarity, if done right. IMO at least

17:39, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Hi

I'm glad you enjoyed Tradesmen --Nikau 04:46, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

A header for someone who can't do headers

Aethix undos every edit someone makes on his DSi page.If JESUS or OBAMA edited his precious article he would undo it.he thinks everyone's humor is about as funny as an arse, which should be vice versa.Just...tell him to lighten up a bit. P.S.You should join UnMario Wiki.We need someone from Uncyclopedia.--Bad Shroom 18:06, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

I really don't care if he's responsible for global warming. You got an issue with someone, the admins deal with it. Not you. ~

19:46, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Featured article

It seems we have two articles featured for today now. Um, can you fix it please? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:01, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Looks fine to me, I see today's feature (poodle) and yesterday's (tea bagging). I checked it with IE as well, and it works. What do you see exactly? ~

14:08, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

I was just about to say the same thing. Looks good from here. What's different about Sock-o-Vision^TM? --UU - natter

14:10, Apr 27

Look here. There are two featured article for today, one should be moved to tomorrow. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:15, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Look here, it's queued for tomorrow. ~

14:25, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Oh. My mistake. I saw Modus featured it on my watchlist, and was confused because there was a poodle on the front page. Sorry for bothering you. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:29, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

No problem. Our motto is "to serve and protect". Or was it the LAPD? ~

14:43, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Now there's something really strange going on, in "yesterday's featured article" I'm seeing that poodle and in the queue it says "Scrub typhus: ..." with the feature text of The fact that you don't want a poodle below it. And I'm pretty sure my Sock-o-vision isn't the problem. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:39, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

This time it was genuinely borked. All good now, thanks for the heads up. ~

12:04, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

It looks alright now. Thanks for the fix. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:13, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

It wasn't broken as such, I swapped the feature dates of those articles round as they should have been featured the other way round. Modusoperandi featured scrub typhus at 2am on the 27th, but must have clicked the "feature tomorrow" button, and so queued it for the 28th. Then at 7:30am, you featured the poodle one, but clicked the "feature today" button, and so it went straight up. I swapped them round so they were in the right order, as you can see the 28th came before the 27th on the page. But either way, one got 7 hours less feature time than it should have. I'll see if I can tweak the feature buttons again maybe. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 22:44, 29 Apr 2009

Well, this isn't my talkpage, but...I featured it as "tomorrow" because it was late, so at the time "today" was less than a whole day. Plus, I'm quietly working behind the scenes to drive Mordillo mad. Mad! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:22, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, the whole point of that was to make sure articles got a chance at their full 24 hours if the feature was going to go up late... Just realised it doesn't tell you if someone else has already done it. There's only so much a template can do! Perhaps we should just replace the main page with {{cabbage}} and be done with it. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 00:11, 30 Apr 2009

That's not until February. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 00:34, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

I'm so looking forward to that day. Also, the template now lets you know if an article has already been queued for tomorrow. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 00:41, 30 Apr 2009

Thing

Good afternoon old friend, I hope the day is treating you well and the well is treating you to an ice cream or something yummy. I'm embarking on a quest to put together something for next week's Signpost, which may or may not be a special anniversary edition. I'm trying to get comments from all major contributors (I may have a slight problem getting one from that guy you just banned for 100 years, mind...) As the person who represented the non-existent Cabal for several thrilling installments of the almost popular "from the desk of the Cabal" column, could I get a some kind of comment that would be representative of said Cabal, were it to exist, which as we all know, it does not? --UU - natter 12:55, Apr 28

Most certainly. Do you need a full "from the desk of the table special issue" or just a quote? ~

13:08, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

Either, both or neither. (Preferably not the latter). If you wanna work up a paragraph or two on the Cabalists' behalf I won't stop you. But a quote would be nice. Whatever floats your boat. --UU - natter

13:11, Apr 28

I'm all confused now. An Israeli would say - "where do you get the audacity to think we need you to write a complete paragraph of your utter shite?! Fuck that, I need one quote, no more than 120 words. No go die in a fire". Or the equivalent in Hebrew. I have the feeling that you, being the nice English gentleman that you are, say the same only in a circular English manner which makes me all dazed and confused. I think I'll go and have baked beans on toast now. ~

13:30, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

Ful on toast? Blasphemy!!

13:39, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

problem

i have calculated by two independent methods that cajek's 100 year ban was, in fact, his 98th. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:55, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Damn your eyes and your sophisticated scientific methods! I'll have to unblock him! ~

17:21, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Well of course it was, my counting ability is infallible (though slightly outdated at times). —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:24, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

well once you're finished playing with him, could you see that's he's not blocked for a majority of the next week? we're trying to coax him out of hiding to give us a special unsignpost comment. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:09, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Happy Birthday, Israel

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but hey, 'dillo is a friend ;) Umm... Aaa.. Ahem... Ha- Hap- Happy 61st anniversary, Israel and as they say here in Egypt, May you live for 100 years (its egyptian arabic equivalent, actually. duh) Gotcha! That's 39 years left to live, bitches. But who cares, anyway? Swine flu will kill us all, AAAAAA! 17:34, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

You do know that we have a peace treaty for twenty years now right? O_O ~

11:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

let me count. 1979, 1980, 1981, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1981, 1918, 1989, 19810... Umm.. Maybe you are right... What for, anyway?

12:06, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Egypt recognized Israel in exchange for Israel returning the Sinai Penninsula...is that right? Saberwolf116 12:07, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

It's all irrelevent. Israel no longer exists, 'thanks' to BMI Air. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 12:10, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

and ahmadinijad cant be happier now

12:18, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

There's porn here

Is that OK? Saberwolf116 21:01, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Borderline, better to remove it. ~

11:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Welcome!

We have a user creation log now. Should I wait for users to edit or just welcome away? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:14, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

It seems RAHB is welcoming them all. Should I follow his example? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk)

GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Use your better judgement on this one. Personally I don't understand what's so important about welcoming users the second they sign on an account, but if you want to, go ahead. Take a look at the usernames though, some of them will be obvious vandals. ~

11:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

I think I'll wait for them to contribute. That way it's easier to tell the vandals from the good people. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk)

GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:26, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Sorry about being a douche on sock's page. I thought you where talking about me..I guess I'll stay out of conversations that don't involve me from now on. Again, sorry.Drunk Monkey 01:06, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Wow. This is a long talkpage

Long Talk Page Award

This person should probably archive his talkpage or something. By "something" I mean "archive his talkpage", 'cause it's really, really long. Even with broadband, it's so long that, by the time it's loaded, I've forgotten what I came here to say. I hope it was something nice. People don't say enough nice things, you know. Why, just last week I was at the movie theater and I told the man in the row in front of me that his bald spot was nice. Well, he just blew his stack right there, punched me in my belly and stormed out. That wasn't nice at all. It was kind of rude, now that I think about it. I only remarked on the niceness of his bald spot because it was perfectly round. I didn't have a circle of similar circumference for comparision, granted, but it was close enough. This talkpage is nice. A bit long, though.

Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 05:08, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

It is a bit outrageous isn't it? ~

11:42, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! 1st Anniversary Special!!!

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA

April 30th, 2009 • Issue 45 • The periodical that - Jesus Christ it's a lion get in the car!

UnSignpost Editors Too Busy Working on Anniversary UnSignpost to Bother with This Week's Issue

By Gerrycheevers

Since next week marks the incredible one-year anniversary of the storied UnSignpost, the editors are focusing all of their efforts on that issue and thus leaving this issue out in the cold. Rest assured that next week's 46th issue, marking the 46 weeks in the year on the Uncyclopedia calendar, will be "a bumper special issue" according to co-chief-editor Under user.

The promise of a special bonus issue brings to mind several of the UnSignpost's more notable issues, such as the All-Kitten Issue and the Seventeenth Issue Spectacular. Reactions to the milestone were mixed in the community. "I feel the signpost has in many ways brought a little too much cabal propaganda to the site for my liking," said noted good-looking tree Sycamore. Were there a cabal, cabal authorities would currently be on the way to Sycamore's house to arrest him. Lucky for him there is no cabal.

By the way, if you really thought this was the first anniversary issue, you suck.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

Take your pick

Biopic of the Week

<insert name here> is certainly noteworthy.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Nihilism.

Word of the Week

Brevity.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:32, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Block reduction?

Hey, Mordillo, it's Hyperbole. So, I'm blocked right, now, but I'm bored and I've got some stuff in userspace I'd like to write, and working on it in MS-Word is a nuisance. Can I get a block reduction? I'll limit my contributions today to my own userspace if that helps. Cheers! 193.200.150.137 18:27, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Come on IRC. ~

18:31, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

moving articles

ugh, sorry about the obama mess. was there, in fact, a way for me to do it without deletion powers, or should i just seek out a sexy admin such as yourself in the future? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:42, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

You could have done it and then place the redirects on QVFD. But probably easier if you a get a cool and sexy admin to do it, otherwise how can we justify our outrageous salary? ~

16:48, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

good point. and hey, maybe next time i try to move a page, i can do it without throttling myself! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:00, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

But you make such nice noises when you throttle! ~

17:04, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Besides, having deletion powers and being cool and sexy doesn't always make everything a breeze - look at the mess Skull managed to make of his and MrN's talk page histories! --UU - natter

17:14, May 3

That's a combination of deletion powers, being cool and sexy AND on hard drugs. ~

17:43, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Shovav's in my bookshelf stalking me! HALP!

Cuddles will cure my halp-iness just fine :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 06:40, 4 May

Is he saying - I'm in your bookshelf, reading your books? ~

09:12, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

You forgot the adolescent spelling there... But no, he isn't doing that. More like the now if she'd just go for the syanide when making herself tea next... O_o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 09:36, 4 May

As expected

Anonymous IPs are already whoring Barack Obama. Could you semi-protect it for a little while? Saberwolf116 12:09, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

see what i told ya Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

12:21, 4 May '09

My sig heart's prettier, isn't it? Isn't it?! (Am I moody? I think I am...) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 12:41, 4 May

of course its prettier, ms. Luvvy! Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

12:48, 4 May '09

Yay. Hugs and cuddles for all! ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 14:01, 4 May

Quiet, you bloody Brit! I'm trying to kiss Mordillo's ass here! Saberwolf116 17:32, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Nevermind, I see that he's already protected it. W00t! Saberwolf116 17:35, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Mind your own bloomin' business if you can't even notice your request has been granted and let me cuddle up in gramps' lap while he's wondering what the devil happened to his dentures (still stuck in someone's arm in irc, I'm sure) or his blood pressure... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 18:55, 4 May

*Insert cheesy you could cuddle up in my lap, Luvvy pick up line here* Saberwolf116 21:24, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

O_O *slowly starts sneaking towards the door* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 07:03, 5 May

/insert death threats about people who try to cuddle Luvvy which are not myself. ~

07:33, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

@_@ *hastily starts sneaking towards the door* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 07:48, 5 May

/holds door open like a gentleman. --UU - natter

08:19, May 5

*dives out the door with a terrified squeeeeeeeeeee......* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 08:28, 5 May

*catches Luvvy with his abnormally large and invitingly warm lap EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank) 08:42, Tuesday 05 May 2009

/me watches mortified an insanely large lap attached to two skinny legs ~

09:24, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

HALP!-- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 09:50, 5 May

/me calls 911 (666 if you're British, 1948 if you're Israeli, 8507418632278096121 if you're Ægyptüsian) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

11:37, 5 May '09

100 actually, and if you don't shorten that sig I'll be forced to smite you down with furious anger! ~

11:53, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

as if the 666 and the 8507418632278096121 are real :) and ok, I will shorten the sig, sir Admin-with-banhammer Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

12:09, 5 May '09

It's 112 over here (someone once claimed to me it's valid within the entire EU), unless you're like we are at work, and have the prioritised numbers to the emergency services, when it starts looking more like 8507418632278096121, thank goodness for speed dial, huh? :D -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 20:39, 5 May

It won't do you any good, I disconnected the phone. I R COMIN FOR U as soon as I can get a passport... Saberwolf116 21:19, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Then I'll just use this panic button on my work radio that - as does my other phone, operates via some entirely other means than physical phone lines. And I've got protection!!! ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 02:12, 6 May

112 is valid everywhere in the world (O Rly?); it the SOS line, not the police deparatment, am me write? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

02:31, 6 May '09

Everywhere within the EU. European Union. And even that is second hand information. It works in Finland, and in the UK... United Kingdom. "England" for Americans, I guess... where was I? Ah! So if you need the police, you can't call the SOS (it's the bloody emergency number! If you can't handle it yourself, and it's not something you need a tradesman for, you call 911, right?!!!) number? What backwards country are you in? Whether you need the police, SWAT, ambulance, fire department or animal rescue (and in a few proven cases, even military SWAT, don't ask), they're all behind that one phone number. AND they're in the same radio network, so they can even communicate with each other. Heck, we can even hear the coast guard on our radios sometimes O_o And no, I don't work for the police, we just have the perk of being one of the few non-government ~~controlled~~ owned companies who has access to their überwoot encrypted network. Honest... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 08:02, 6 May

For your vote...

Thank you ...

... for supporting my recently featured picture.
A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed
in your honour. - Sonje

An idea

As an thought would it be an idea for me to be an "outside consultant" poopsmith, not in an official way, but if things get a little topped off, I could archive a bit. Without any responsibility or accountability for my actions (always a plus)?:)--Sycamore (Talk) 19:56, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

A poop consultant? O_O I think just keep the current position and chip in whenever you feel like it. ~

07:35, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

hey you

\/\/|-|@ (4|\| 1 54'/, 7|-|3'/ r jU57 455|-|0L35. 7|-|3R3 15 |\|0 d3|\|'/1|\|9 17. |-|4\/3 j00Z 533|\| 50/\/\3 0Ph 7|-|3 3D175 7|-|3'/ |-|4\/3 /\/\4D3 0R 7|-|31R U53R p4935? (0/\/\3 0|\|. --REEFER 12:27, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Either you write in English or don't bother. ~

12:36, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

grow the fuck up, boy. Leetspeak ceased to be cool back in like 1999. Unless you are an 11 years old blob, in which case I cant blame you, really... Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

12:51, 5 May '09

MahmOOshA, I'm trying to talk with the guy, not insult him. Thanks. ~

13:30, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

fine, anyway, here is the *loose* translation:

what can i say, they are just assholes. There is no denying it. Have you seen some of the edits they have made or their user pages? Come on. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool

13:55, 5 May '09

I know, I have the 1337 translator as well :). I can't be bothered we people who can bother to write in a human language. ~

14:00, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

All the people who I put userboxes on are just immature assholes and trolls. Have you seen any of the contributions by Ericeee10?

I don't have a banhammer, but I was doing what I could to try to quell the trolls. --REEFER 16:27, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Well, don't. It's not your job or your prerogative to do. I also didn't see anything from his part that required such a template to be placed on his page. In the future if you think that someone is acting out of bounds you a.talk with him, nicely and if that doesn't work you b.place their name on Ban Patrol and let an admin deal with it. ~

17:10, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

MrN9500 wins!

MrN9500 wins Playwright of the Month! Who would have guessed? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:19, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Um, I'll ask UU instead. He seems to have been doing some archiving of awards lately. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk)

GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:51, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

BIGFOOT SPOTTED

QUICK! CATCH HIM!!! And whore your talk page while you're at it

Saberwolf116 22:52, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

? ~ 23:03, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh, the random sighting thingy :) ~

23:04, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Yup! I can has Ninjastar? =) But seriously, whore your talk page Saberwolf116 23:06, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

UnKosher expertise required: must be self-circumcised

Hey dude. I've come to ask for some assistance with an article idea; Insane face-fucking Krav maga monkeys. I've started to discuss it with RabbiTechno here, and want to use some of this as input. So, what do you think? Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:25, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

I never knew ostriches were treif. Had one for lunch as well. Oh well. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:48, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Heh. I used to work with this Jewish girl, and I teased her about being Jewish by asking her "Is this Kosher?" about everything we ate when together at lunch. One day I found the text from the Bible on my chair, with a note saying I never have to ask her again. that didn't stop me, I teased her continuously about that and other things.

Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:54, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

I thought you were a vegan?! Just ask me next time :). Zim, I'll be happy to help, let me know when you have some layout in place, because I don't know where you want to take it, and I'll hop on. ~

17:26, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

No, never! Plus, I love pig! Great news, I'm still thinking about this article alot. Like a rewarding giant turd, it will take time to form itself. Cheers!

Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:54, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Adoption

Interested in taking me on? CanadianNine 02:11, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost is proud to present its 1st Anniversary Special

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

May 5th, 2009 • First Anniversary Issue! • Disdaining news in favour of blatant self-promotion

Self-Proclaimed Greatest Newspaper on the Wiki Reaches First Birthday

By UU

Can you believe it? We can't - particularly as we're only on issue number 46 - and yet it's true, the greatest piece of talkpage spam in the history of this shabby little wiki (and the most modest too) celebrates its first anniversary! Birthed in a blaze of optimism and creativity by fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper and mythical user-in-exile Cajek at the start of May 2008, the UnSignpost was intended to shine a light into the dark corners of the wiki, keeping users up-to-date with anything worth keeping up-to-date with. In this special article, we examine what went wrong, where that glorious vision got corrupted, and how it has ended up in its current state.

The early issues were churned out at a great rate by the founding editors, and Cajek was so enthused by the project that he suggested to Skullthumper that they should move to a twice-weekly release - fortunately, this suggestion was shot down in flames by the doc, or the paper may never have celebrated a second month, let alone a full year! Skullthumper was first to leave the Signpost behind for pastures new, perhaps feeling his work was already done. Looking back nostalgically now at those heady early days, Skull exclusively observed: "Well! Working on the UnSignpost in the beginning was a really fun experience, not gonna lie. Cajek and I were both super excited about it. I'm glad it existed through to today, entirely by the help of other people. The setup was seriously the most fun part. We had NO clue what we were doing, we were experimenting with formatting, content, and a bot that only worked half the time. To summarize: It kicked ass. I had no idea it was about a year ago that it started."

With only Cajek powering it, the Signpost forged onwards, but was beginning to run into troubled waters - even Cajek's legendary enthusiasm was beginning to founder, and when he began to struggle for time, he asked DJ Irreverent to take the helm. We asked Cajek for a nostalgic comment about the Signpost, but he was unavailable, so instead here's a random line from one of his articles: "Also, don't be surprised if you go to jail for what society deems "gross", "horrible", and "Satanic": it's all part of being an ant keeper... and an ant "watcher"". The DJ managed to steady the ship (how long can we sustain this metaphor?), but struggled to handle the torch he'd been passed by his adopter (looks like we didn't sustain it very long - never mind!). Asked to comment on this turbulent period, the DJ exclusively remarked: "I dropped said torch like a ton of bricks as a good child should always do. I could not take on the family business, I needed to dance. Anyway, I wrote about 2 articles".

So the pattern of users taking over the paper, only to burn out and abandon it again was becoming well established. Next in the editor's chair was UU, who lasted about 6 issues, before becoming so overwhelmed by the pressures of the paper that he went and got married in order to have a good excuse to get away from it for a few weeks. Recalling those halcyon days, UU told us exclusively: "I love the Signpost, and have had a great time working on it. It does get in the way of writing real articles though, as some users might testify, and it can be a pain to come up with stories each week - hopefully this issue might spark a few people to put some more ideas in the press room".

Fortunately, UU had taken the foresighted step of questioning the staying power of one Gerrycheevers in a previous issue's "comeback of the week" box, and Gerry was so determined to prove he had what it took, that he took over the paper while UU swanned off around the world. Cheevers's time at the helm brought such classic issues as the all-kitten issue, and his exclusive dewy-eyed remembrances run thusly: "I'm proud for having successfully stolen this periodical from Cajek and Skull, and I look forward to many more years of turning forums into news stories, dredging up old features that nobody cares about, and of course making tedious Cajek ban jokes. I also demand a raise and Cajek's office!"

Unfortunately, Cheevers's staying power lived up to UU's expectations, and Gerry took another small break. UU returned to the paper, and frantically enlisted contributions from the likes of Orian57 and Heerenveen to keep the wheels of news turning smoothly. Asked for comment on his input, Orian exclusively told us: "It's a been a great help in bonding together this community. And it's made things more interesting, what with everyone trying to do news worthy things just to get their names in the paper. Or something, I can't manufacture funny under pressure and this is pressure because you're gonna put this in the paper just to humiliate me now, aren't you?". Hv, meanwhile, exclusively commented: "It's amazing that our wonderful newspaper has lasted for so long, especially when you figure ~~the~~ us editors have had nothing to work with but "OMGZ THIS WIKI IZ D00MED" stories since about Issue IV. It's a great tribute to ~~the~~ us editors' ability to make Cajek-filled fluff pieces up on the fly. Maybe ~~they~~ we should try for the Daily Mail?".

Gerrycheevers has been fully back on board since early this year, UU is still hanging around in between banning people and huffing stuff, and with other contributors still pitching in, plus a plentiful supply of Cajek bans to use as padding (see next story), it looks like the immediate future of the paper is in ~~good~~ ~~competent~~ ~~human~~ some kind of hands. Want to join the list of over 25 people who have contributed to the paper since its inception? Or want to join the ranks of hand-deliverers and paperbots that have been burned out along the way, and now line the wiki as lifeless husks? Give us a shout in the press room, and become part of the Uncyc furniture!

Wish we'd gotten a quote from Cajek though. Bastard.

Cajek 100 Ban Extravaganza

By Gerrycheevers

During the very same week that Uncyclopedia's most well-known journalism source (suck it, UnNews!) celebrates its first birthday with much cake and punch, one of its co-founders achieved his own personal milestone by being banned for the one hundredth time. Rumors of making Cajek an admin when he reached the milestone have thus far not proven to be true, although he may have magically gained sysop powers upon entering triple-digit territory and we just won't know it until he comes back from wherever he's hiding in a hailstorm of admin-related activity (whatever it is that they do).

The milestone was reached largely thanks to users such as Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who took to the streets in a grassroots effort to raise awareness, and Gerrycheevers, who went directly to certain sysops with demonstrably active bansticks pleading for a "Cajek-whooping." The landmark 100th ban was achieved yesterday, with the good Dr. Skullthumper blocking Cajek with an expiry time of "a milestone". The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Cajek, and also plead for his return.

Cajek was unavailable for comment, and this reporter was once again chased off of the grounds of the Cajek Mansion, this time by the abstract philosophical concept of existentialism.

From the desk of the Cabal Special

By No-one

The cabal is most displeased with this apparent so called "newspaper" or "voice of the people". What news could there be other than "maintain the peace and obey the cabal, should it exist"? What voice should the people have other than "Yes sir", "No sir" and "Of course, I'll send my sister post haste to your bedroom, Sir"? This useless rag might let people think that the Uncyclopedians have a modicum of freedom. We the cabal, do not exist. But if we did, we'd be most unpleased and just about prepared to clamp down on this operation. Obey the cabal, the cabal is your imaginary friend.

Check out these pages!

Best of From our logs:

09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.)
11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9500 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.)
02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.)
08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow)
Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.)
02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.)
04:57, 23 October 2008 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: & Not The Good Sexual Kind of Harassment Either)
04:20, 22 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.15.244.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You, sir, have gone above and beyond the call of failure. Now that may sound like a compliment, but read it again, paying special attention to that last word. Yeah.)
7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.)
19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.)
21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.)
23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend)
07:26, 23 June 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 124.170.144.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (You have been autoblocked by the Uncyclopedia penis-size-detector. Rylie, I'm afraid your penis is too small to edit Uncyclopedia. Please try again after puberty.)
12:50, May 28, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Benhagerty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (KILL EVERY FIRSTBORN SON)

Biopic of the Week

1 year old this week, the UnSignpost is the wiki-based newspaper vain enough to give itself a biopic! It has yet to write any featured articles, and hasn't even created a single featured image, but it's appeared on almost as many talk pages as a Modus one-liner, and is certainly the longest-lived newspaper on this wiki. Vive l'UnSignpost!

Thankies of the Week

The staff of the UnSignpost would like to thank all our readers for pretending to care long enough for us to reach this milestone. We couldn't have done it without you. (Well, we could, but there wouldn't have been much point).

Retraction of the Week

In last week's edition of the UnSignpost, the current swine flu pandemic was hailed as a blessing, and our editors expressed hope that the world population would be reduced, making references to particular groups of people as 'expendable'. We would like to express our deepest apologies for referring to this epidemic as 'swine flu', and we will henceforth refer to it by the disease's proper name: H1N1 influenza. We are truly sorry to any pigs or other members of the swine family who may have taken offense.

Old School Featured Article of the Week

Water Polo... With Sharks! is possibly the most difficult, dangerous, and exciting sport known to man. With only slight rules variations from normal water polo, such as the amount of hands you can have on the ball and there being sharks in the water, Water Polo... With Sharks! is the world's second fastest-growing sport, behind Texas Hold 'Em... With Rabid Wolverines!

Pathetic Plea of the Week

What has happened to all of the robots? The UnSignpost has gone through a seemingly endless supply of robots, and several unsuspecting and apparently bored users have also hand-delivered the paper when no automated bots were available. Lately, Sock and Dexter have joined forces to ensure prompt Signpost delivery, but surely the task of pasting the paper onto ~~thousands~~ ~~hundreds~~ dozens of talk pages will result in arm fatigue and dog attacks. Therefore, a plea: everyone create more robots!

Old School 'Of the Week' Box of the Week

This Week in Uncyclopedia, featured in issues 3 through three, took a look back at some of the greatest highs and crushing lows in the history of this silly wiki. Look for this box to make a triumphant return to the UnSignpost, along with other old favorites such as UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week and Reason For Leaving Uncyclopedia of the Week.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:51, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Erm, so?

Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnBooks:Diary of a Monkey Lover (2nd nom). I'd just like to point out that I've actually done quite a lot with this article in the past day or so, meaning that it isn't just a simple re-nom. Work has gone into it and advice was taken. Besides I didn't actually think there was any rules about when you could re-nom stuff. I know VFH is controlled bassically by the Admins descresion but this just seems a bit capricious if you ask me, especially because it was still at 100%. Would you put it back up please? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:02 8 May 2009

No sorry. Even though you did some work on it, that article was over 40 days on VFH without success and so the current 100% isn't relevant in my view. We had the same issue with a previous article you wrote with Sys, I can't remember which, and I already told you to take a cooldown period when renomming articles. Otherwise everyone will just renom over and over and over again straight after failure and eventually get it featured. So, appreciate the work you've done but give it some time before you renom. There are other articles out there. ~

08:54, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~

15:57 8 May 2009

You were in London...

...and you didn't put the word out for a meet-up?! :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:56, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

I was in Stockley Park for about five hours doing so called "work", trust me - if I had the time pints would be on top of my list :) ~

09:59, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh now, wasn't that...it's just I've got this Transit van parked in a lock-up at Rotterdam, need someone who doesn't ask questions to bring it over in return for £3000... Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:04, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

And one other thing - happy Pesach Sheni. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:05, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Also: Happy 8th May. That's right, I celebrate that as part of my own personal religion - 8th Mayism. As such, it's our third most important day, behind 32nd February and the Feast of Whenever We Can Afford To Go Out For A Decent Meal. You need to celebrate in the traditional fashion: cartwheel naked all the way home. Or have a couple of beers or whiskies, whichever you prefer. --UU - natter

10:10, May 8

Oddly enough, that's exactly what the Orthodox Jews do for Pesach Sheni. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 10:16, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Wishful thinking :P

12:54  . . Luvvy (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a cappuchino (Good morning Mordillo!)

/me wanders off to sulk somewhere... Damned edit conflicts... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:07, 8 May

/me also sulks about edit conflicts. --UU - natter

10:10, May 8

You wouldn't care to block Mordillo for me for the duration of a morning tea and mention "Chutzpah told me to do it!" (saying good morning is optional), Uncle UU..? O_o -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:21, 8 May

I don't ban on request. Or do I? I can't remember. --UU - natter

10:37, May 8

Thanks! ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk)

Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - 10:44, 8 May

Hey!

You removed a template that I had created about two minuets previously. Any reason for that? Silly Angel Speak Contribs 11:20, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Im just experimenting with templates... seeing their possibilities.

Silly Angel

Speak

11:23, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

You seem to be creating random templates and copy stuff from wikipedia. What are you trying to achieve exactly? Also, fix your sig, the amount of code you're dumping with it is outrageous O_O. Let me know if you don't know how to fix it. ~

11:27, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Ya I need help with that... what should I do?

Silly Angel

Speak