User:Wild Weasel
Uncylcopedia Regrets to Acknowledge:
2nd. Lieutenant Sir Hezekiah the Weasel of Wild, Knight Commander of the Order of Uncyclopedia
(i.e., Wild Weasel for short)
This Gun's For Hire, Something something Dancing in the Dark
What does this man even do? Provide close air support? Argue over the merits of "gray" vice "grey"? Twirl his moustache?
What Is His Real Name? Why Did He Come to Uncyclopedia?
Sir Weasel's real name is Hezekiah, but he prefers Ezekial and sometimes Edward, because Britain has never had a King Hezekiah, and Edward has the word 'dwar' in it, so there you go. He came to Uncyclopdeia looking to earn thousands writing comedy from the safety and comfort of his own home, but so far this hasn't happened. At Uncyclopedia, he is recognized as being a better-than-competant writer (incorrectly, he feels), and therefore is a Knight Commander of the Order of Uncyclopedia (KUN). Besides his shiny ranks and titles, he is less well-known for his overuse of the phrases "experts agree that" and "it is widely considered," both of which he inaccurately considers funny.
Bespeaking his background as a guard for Swiss guards, Sir Weasel is a 2nd. Lieutenant at Uncyclopedia, a rank which any admin will gladly tell you means approximately nothing.
Sir Weasel lives off of the proceeds from his successful 2002 lawsuit against the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball club for negligence associated in the death of his ocelot, Trevor. In his spare time (he has a lot of spare time) Ezekial listens to his vinyl Carpenters albums, collects North Korean propaganda, and enjoys 19th-century smelting safety books.
[NOTE: "Wild Weasel" would like you to know he sometimes mixes reality with semi-reality, meaning some things you read here might actually be true. Like his name being Hezekiah. 1 Thusly, he wants you to take things here (and which he writes elsewhere) with a grain of salt. Even when he professes to be serious.]
Quoth the Weasel: These Things I Did Herein
Lest you young whippersnappers forget, Wild Weasel is a thrice-decorated Featured Article Writer and a recipient of the allegedly prestigious Foolitzer award, not to mention getting some cookies and actually having "legends" here like Todd Lyons and Gwax actually communicate with him. Truly and without doubt, Wild Weasel is a colossal ass more full of himself than a fat man with a tray full of Wendy's Triple-Decker Cheeseburgers already thinking about getting another tray of Wendy's Triple-Decker Cheeseburgers.
LIEUTENANT WEASEL SUGGESTS YOU READ:
Dickens. He's pretty funny, for a British person.
Is The Onion Reading My Work?
Of course not. But this and this certainly got my attention (compare to this and this). Coincidence...or fact?!?
You Did Good, Kid. Here, Have a Medal
Sometimes, Wild Weasel comes across another Uncyclopedian who either impresses him with their decency or makes him laugh his fool head off. When this happens, Wild Weasel rummages through his sexy red flight gear and produces the Weasel's Award for Superior Achievement Barring Indictment, the highly non-coveted WASABI.
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Wild Weasel has awarded you the highly non-coveted Weasel's Award of Superior Achievement Barring Indictment Go forth and do great things! (just don't get indicted) |
WASABI RECIPIENTS:
- Keitei, for graciously undeleting my crappy Good Old Days article.
- Some User, for nominating Women's Suffrage as a Featured Article.
- Naughty Ned, for his hilarious "woof woof woof" pix.
- LinkTGF, for his toast advertisement with Dave Mustaine as the pitchman.
- Sir Save the Mooses, for his Nigerian Prince Census UnNews article. Brilliant.
- Zim_ulator - For giving me a shiny medal of my own. A quality medal at that. And shiny.
- Tompkins - For restoring my pet article Brooklyn Technical High School just because he's a decent guy.
Also See:
Potent Quotables
“Keep the rewrite: It's not the best article, but now it's got enough potential to be worth keeping.”
Delicate Ladies of Fashion Wonder:
Q: Is the humor of M. Comte de Weasel too dry for the average high-school dropout?
- A: It most definitely is, Madame.
Q: Is the humor of M. Comte de Weasel too insipid or hackneyed for someone with "some college?"
- A: There can be doubt in this matter, Madame.
Q: Does the Comte think he is funnier than he actually is?
- A: It is without question, Madame.
IRC Memories
<Wild_Weasel> (sips scotch) Ah, Terry Schiavo's hubby got remarried...awesome
<Wild_Weasel> "I'm sorry, baby, it's just that you're a vegetable, and I'm a man with needs..."
<Wild_Weasel> "Needs, for example, like a woman who knows who I am. That's very important to a successful relationship."
Awards, Accolades, Boxes with Pictures and Words in Them
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Olipro has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
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On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! |
Foolitzer Prize Winner March 2006|
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TD has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
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Featured Article: Bear This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. |
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Featured Article: Westboro Baptist Church This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. |
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Featured Article: Women's Suffrage This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. |
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LinkTGF has awarded you the exquisite Dave Mustaine Award of Excellence |
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scythe33 has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
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Codeine has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
 | Least Awards Award
This user has the least number of awards at Uncyclopedia. Whoops, not anymore. |
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You have been cited in Uncyclopedian Bios. Apparently you are "notable". Don't ask me why; I think you're lame. |
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Member of the Order of Uncyclopedia This person has successfully registered on Uncyclopedia. They should be proud of themselves for making such a smart move. |
A Random Image: Thousands and Thousands of Words
Footnotes
1 His name is not actually Hezekiah. Sorry to disappoint.
2 The rank "Cornet" pre-dates Lieutenant in the British Army.
3 Nickname is a corruption of an eke name of English from long, long ago. Seriously. I think. Or, it could be a neke name. Either way, have you seen my lady friend?